Love is a wonderful feeling if it is mutual and selfless. But often instead of love comes falling in love, which does not allow you to live in peace and prevents you from meeting true love. How to get rid of falling in love, from this obsessive unnecessary state?
My friend’s son dropped out of a prestigious university because of his destructive passion for a girl who did not pay any attention to him. How much effort and labor was put into studying, and everything went to waste: he was unable to recover at the university. How to get rid of this obsession, how not to ruin your life with unnecessary connections? I want to tell you about this in this article.
The difference between infatuation and love
Not everyone is able to determine the line between a passing hobby and a serious feeling. Moreover, even scientists and psychologists who seriously studied this issue could not come to a common conclusion. However, a number of characteristics can be identified to determine the difference between infatuation and love.
| Love | Love |
| You are attracted by good looks. | In addition to physical characteristics, you also value a person's moral qualities. |
| It occurs quickly (sometimes this feeling is called love at first sight). | It emerges gradually as people get to know each other better. |
| Feelings are vivid, but episodic (they can flare up unexpectedly and instantly fade away). | Emotions are calmer, but have a permanent character. |
| A person in love does not notice anything except the object of his adoration. | True love does not make you forget about friends, loved ones and work. |
| Passes if people are separated by distance. | Parting tempers the feeling, making it even stronger. |
| Accompanied by violent quarrels out of nowhere. | Disagreements are constructive. |
| People in love are often selfish and care only about their own good. | Love implies the word "we". |
| A lot of demands are made on the object of adoration. | Unselfishness and desire to please your other half. |
How not to get attached to a man who doesn't reciprocate your feelings
If you feel addicted to a guy who has made it clear to you that he doesn't want to be together, follow these tips:
- Learn to push away thoughts about him. As soon as you feel sad and remember him, switch your focus. Dance, play sports, read a book, learn a poem.
- Look for flaws in it. Remember only the worst moments - those that brought you pain. Get angry at this man for the suffering he caused, and then throw out the energy - through the same sport, for example.
- Do not isolate yourself from your loved ones and friends - they will help you get out of a difficult period.
- Visit public places and have a social life. Use your free time to do something to take your mind off things. Perhaps this is how you will meet a new gentleman.
- Understand that this is all temporary. After a few months you will feel better. Praise yourself for every day that you don't think about or contact this person.
- Take advantage of the situation when you are alone. Learn how to cope with feelings of loneliness.
- Get a pet - this will help you remove some of your attachment to a man and redirect your attention.
Finally, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Such attachment is a disease. It needs to be treated, either on your own or with the help of a psychologist, if you can’t cope. Give yourself a chance at a new relationship, healthy, full of mutuality and understanding.
If the suffering is very strong and you cannot switch, then allow yourself to cry, but for a certain time. Set aside 15 minutes a day that you will lie down and deliberately complain about your unfair fate.
I once heard this advice in a psychologist’s video and put it into practice. When I felt like I wanted to suffer, I set a timer for 15 minutes, curled up in a ball and began to feel sorry for myself, think how unhappy I was and how cruel people were to me. Believe it or not, after 2-3 minutes I realized the stupidity of this activity and turned off the timer, and then went about my business as if nothing had happened.
Try it, maybe it will help you too.
Do you need to get rid of being in love?
Before you figure out how to get rid of being in love, you need to understand whether it’s worth doing. Unfortunately, this wonderful feeling does not always benefit a person. It is worth fighting it in the following cases:
- if the object of your adoration does not reciprocate your feelings;
- if falling in love negatively affects your mental and physical state;
- if you are driven by pathological jealousy;
- if you experience manic attachment to a person;
- if romantic feelings interfere with your studies or career growth.
Unfortunately, not every girl or young man in love can cope with the problem on his own. Or rather, they will in every possible way deny its existence. It is friends and family who can notice deviations in time.
Why is it dangerous to become attached to a man?
Attachment is a manifestation of selfishness. When it arises, a woman begins to constantly make demands and be jealous. She is afraid that she will be abandoned, she tries to do everything for the sake of her partner in order to earn praise. She ceases to identify herself as a person and tends to idealize the person. You can not do it this way. In many ways, a painful attachment to another is similar to addiction. Therefore, we begin to behave inappropriately, and when our partner is not around, we experience withdrawal symptoms.
Men don’t like it when a girl becomes their shadow, while controlling and worrying too much. Therefore, relationships where one partner is attached to the other are doomed to failure. As a result, you will get a difficult breakup, self-dislike and self-esteem below par.
You need to understand that this phenomenon is dangerous, unhealthy and wrong. If you notice signs of attachment in yourself, start working on yourself.
Treatment methods for falling in love
If you are looking for a cure for love, try taking the advice of psychologists. So, the most popular methods are:
- Prevention will help you prevent an unwanted condition. If you think that now is not the time for love, try to fight all its manifestations: do not read novels, do not watch tearful TV series, do not listen to sad music, and most importantly, limit communication with the opposite sex.
- Logical comprehension implies that you need to look at the current situation from the outside. Try to evaluate all the pros and cons of your condition.
- In accordance with the Lope de Vega method, it is recommended to critically evaluate the object of your adoration. It is quite possible that there will be much more negative qualities in him than positive ones.
- The extrapolation method allows you to look into the future. Imagine how your relationship will develop in a week, month, year. If you don’t see positive things in the future, get rid of your crush immediately.
- To sort your thoughts into categories, lead the right lifestyle. You must have duties, responsibilities, hobbies. It is quite possible that there will no longer be room in your head for romantic fantasies.
- A frank conversation with a friend, relative or psychologist is the best cure for love. Having told your story in detail, you will most likely come to the conclusion that the feeling is to your detriment.
Practical recommendations
Theoretical methods will not work and will not help if you leave everything the same, so protect yourself not only from thoughts, but also from contact on a physical level with the object of passion. To do this, apply practical recommendations that will help you experience the emotion faster.
Take care of yourself
It is believed that during experiences, women tend to radically change their appearance - haircut, wardrobe and style in general.
They feel on an unconscious level how to get out of stress without loss. The mastered practical technique is used for any difficulties in life. The same practice also applies to men, because a change in image will certainly attract the attention of other women and distract them from their worries. In addition to appearance, there is communication between people, so to change your circle of acquaintances, develop yourself in unfamiliar areas. Go not to the movies, but to an exhibition of contemporary artists, visit a museum, or read a historical novel. This will distract you from negative thoughts and get rid of obsession, and will also allow you to diversify your list of acquaintances. Perhaps among them there will be an interesting person who will captivate you and make you forget about the negative experience.
New way of life
In addition to external changes, use lifestyle change practices. In order to survive unhappy love, add sports to your daily schedule: jogging in the morning will give you a boost of energy, and in the evening it will relieve you of anxiety. Additional active activities will also come in handy. Sign up for dancing, yoga, or swimming. Physical activity will reduce stress and expand your circle of acquaintances.
In addition to sports, you can use natural instincts. If you don’t know how to forget about unrequited crushes, you need to change your diet.
By going on a diet, you will feel hungry, which will distract you from negativity. After some time, the extra pounds will go away and your love will go away.
READ How to understand that a girl is in love, but hides her feelings
Change your job
If a man is haunted by a crush on a colleague or, conversely, a woman goes crazy at the sight of her boss, think about changing places, companies or professions. Firstly, new working conditions will make you feel inconvenienced and distract you from your love experiences. Secondly, the loss of the object of love will most likely relieve the obsessive negative feeling.
Get over a breakup
Emotions accumulated due to the need to hold back affect health. As a result, falling in love affects the body in a physical sense. This cannot be allowed, so throw out the accumulated ballast. Break dishes, tear things, scream and cry. Emotional relief will be the starting point for getting rid of obsessive thoughts and experiences.
Make a list
To objectively evaluate the object of your love, use the method of writing down your thoughts. Create a table with two columns. On the left, list or describe in detail the negative aspects you noticed in your partner. Take even small details into account. On the right side, briefly list the advantages. Write biased traits (kindness, mercy, determination) if they are actually confirmed by behavior or manifested in specific situations. Add to the list if necessary, but pay attention to the column on the left every day.
Out of sight
Getting rid of your lover's gifts is a mandatory step. In addition, there are other reminders of relationships or feelings that need to be overcome. It is not necessary to change the circle of friends in which you met if they do not cause painful feelings of regret. But delete songs that remind you of the moment of experience. Also get rid of things left behind if the relationship has reached this stage.
Live your life
Searching for possible meetings and seemingly random intersections with the object of love is a waste of time and energy on the past. If a person has expressed the opinion that a relationship is impossible, then such attempts to see each other look awkward, and in the case when the object of love has already paid attention, but lost interest in the process of getting to know each other, they look even worse. Imposing one's society is humiliating, and receiving another refusal can completely destroy one's self-esteem.
Between a potential “chance” meeting and a trip, choose the latter, even if it means going to a nearby store. Engage in self-realization, which will allow you to find a worthy person to create an alliance with.
Find support from friends or family
Talking through grievances and disappointments with oneself does not help in all cases, but an outside opinion expressed by an authoritative friend or relative is sobering. Therefore, ask for help from loved ones who are not indifferent to your fate. Talk to them, reason and share your thoughts. Listen to advice if you receive it. This will help to establish communication and distract, and will also gradually overcome love in the mind.
Fight fire with fire
An expression referring to finding a casual partner for one or two meetings. Beautiful courtship, an unfamiliar restaurant and the need to captivate a stranger with a conversation will distract you from thoughts about the inaccessible object of love.
In addition, a short-term romance may satisfy the needs and force you to face the truth, admitting that the choice of attraction was a bad one.
Talk about your feelings
An honest conversation with a lover or lover is an equally effective method for getting rid of feelings. Sometimes obsessing occurs because of uncertainty. And until a frank explanation occurs, it will not be possible to survive destructive emotions. In this case, there is a risk of receiving a refusal, which will bring worries, but will bring clarity. However, you can also hear a mutual declaration of love, which may develop into a long-term relationship.
What does Freud advise?
Sigmund Freud became famous for his bold theory that all human actions are driven solely by sexual instinct. However, it is precisely because of this position that many do not take his recommendations seriously. But it’s still worth listening to his advice on how to get rid of falling in love.
Freud paid special attention to such a feature of the psyche as sublimation. Falling in love gives a person energy. If this feeling for one reason or another is undesirable for you, try transforming it into another form. Direct this energy, for example, into art, sports, education and other areas. It is quite possible that you will be able to achieve amazing results.
The best medicine is change
As you know, in order to cope with a particular state of mind, you need to change external circumstances. So, a girl in love can get rid of an obsessive feeling by resorting to the following measures:
- a radical change in image (hairstyle, wardrobe, etc.);
- finding new hobbies (or you can return to hobbies that occupied you as a child);
- new interesting acquaintances (possibly with the prospect of a romantic relationship);
- change of scenery (if you don’t have the opportunity to travel, try to explore your city in search of new routes and places to walk);
- making changes in everyday life (for example, you can rearrange furniture or learn how to cook new dishes).
You can’t do without the help of loved ones
If you are looking for ways to get rid of falling in love, enlist the support of family and friends. The fact is that it is very difficult to cope with heartfelt feelings alone. Sometimes the problem is so acute that only with the help of those around it becomes possible to solve it. That is why you should not be shy to ask for help.
The best option is a sincere conversation. With a friend, relative, work colleague - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to openly talk about all your experiences. You will be surprised, but it will immediately become easier. In addition, it is quite possible that your interlocutor has previously been in a similar situation. It is possible that by the end of the conversation you will laugh together at a problem that seemed insoluble just a couple of hours ago.
How to calm your emotions
The emotional sphere plays a leading role in romantic relationships, so it is necessary to work with it separately.
Psychologists advise girls to switch attention from the object of desire to their own figure and begin to fight with it, or rather, with its shortcomings. This activity absorbs thoughts and time so much that there is simply no energy left to fall in love, and the desire to meet will quickly disappear.
Visiting a sports section or fitness club also takes time and also increases self-esteem. Girls with high self-esteem will not humiliate themselves and seek unrequited love.
Go shopping, look for boutiques that are running promotions. Shopping takes energy and time; there will be no time left for suffering over the object of desire. If you don't have enough money for purchases, you can take out a loan.
Sometimes the technique of burning out emotions helps. To do this, you need to stay alone and work yourself up with all your might with memories of your loved one, bring yourself to the point of hysterics. It may take a few days for the emotions to burn out. It is not necessary to do this in front of witnesses, it is better without prying eyes.
Confession
How to get rid of obsessive love? Sometimes shock therapy is needed. If your lover is not yet aware of your feelings, then why not say them directly? Of course, this is not easy, but there will be certainty in your life. There are not many options for the development of events:
- he (or she) will reject your feelings, which, of course, will be a great disappointment, but will help you free yourself;
- It may well turn out that the object of your affection, just like you, is in love, but is embarrassed to admit it (in this case, you will have a chance to build a strong relationship with the prospect of further development).
Conspiracy “Point in Relationships”
As for the first conspiracy, it is suitable for those who have already reached the point of no return and the relationship cannot be saved, they are on the edge of the abyss, even if all the popular rituals and love spells have already been used. This conspiracy is aimed precisely at breaking the energetic connection with a person, breaking all the strings, so to speak, even though it is very difficult and painful. But remember that this is precisely what takes a step forward and opens the doors of a new life. And here is the plot:
“I’ll go the right way, I’ll find happiness and love, but you, love’s melancholy, stay without me, turn back, don’t cling to me.”
conclusions
How to get rid of being in love? At first glance, this question may seem stupid and frivolous, because everyone goes through romantic experiences. However, it is worth taking into account the individual psychological characteristics of each person. Sometimes falling in love not only interferes with your studies and work, but can also lead to serious psychological problems and even suicide attempts, which should never be allowed to happen. That is why modern psychology pays such close attention to this issue.
What books will help you cope?
Books are one of the ways to better understand yourself and distract yourself from unnecessary emotions. Special literature written by psychologists will help :
- Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much"
- Gennady Starshenbaum “Addictology: psychology and psychotherapy of addictions”
- Dmitry Semennik “How to survive a breakup with a loved one”
- Irvin Yalom “The Love Cure and Other Psychotherapeutic Novels.”
Some will benefit from books related to spiritual practices, self-discovery, and awareness of one’s inner world. Of the authors, Alexander Sviyash and Konstantin Dovlatov are interesting.
In addition to specialized literature, it is useful to read works of fiction that take you into a world of fantasy, but at the same time calm the nervous system and smooth out emotions.
- Jane Austen "Pride and Prejudice"
- Leo Tolstoy "War and Peace"
- Mikhail Bulgakov "The Master and Margarita"
- Helen Fielding "Bridget Jones's Diary".
