- December 15, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Yulia Tershak
Psychologists divide people into two psychotypes: extroverts and introverts. An extrovert is an open, sociable person, easily adapts to any conditions, loves noisy companies and parties. An introvert is someone who loves solitude, silence, peace - publicity is not his element. He is focused on his inner world, receiving energy from a state of calm.
Who is an introvert?
What personality traits does an introvert have? Who is this? How to recognize an introvert in a crowd?
For an introvert, the most important thing is his internal state, his thoughts, feelings, sensations. The inner world of an introvert is much more important than everything happening around him. This person looks at the world around him as if from his own hiding place. He passes all events and incidents through himself.
The peculiarity of introverts is that they do not know how to quickly adapt to unforeseen events. An introvert has difficulty adapting to new conditions and has difficulty getting used to new acquaintances. He can be cheerful and open only around people close to him, but in a noisy, crowded company he is quiet and taciturn. To gain his trust, you need to spend a lot of time and make a lot of effort. The character of an introvert is calm, balanced, positive, flexible, strong-willed. This person is often slow, but he knows exactly where he is going and for what purpose.
“You are closed in your own world and you don’t notice anyone but yourself!”
Quite a mean phrase, as it is close to the truth. But introverts are not at all as self-centered as they are often portrayed as.
It's simple: there is a circle of close people for whom introverts will sacrifice all their interests, and the opinion of the rest of the world is of secondary importance. In addition, introverts live in their own personal worlds, from which they evaluate reality. But this is not egocentrism. Yes, they sometimes lack proper courtesy or tact, but in truth, the last thing introverts want is to intrude or cause problems for anyone. And if they don’t meet your expectations, then, sorry, they were just your expectations. Therefore, do not hold the introvert responsible for their illusions.
Such mistakes are often made by parents, when in childhood it is still difficult for an introvert to resist external pressure. Personality formation begins at the age of five, when there is active immersion in society. As a rule, by these years it is already possible to guess which child will become an active and hyperactive leader, and which one will prefer to retire from all the fuss of people.
During the period of personality formation, the family in which the little introvert resides plays an important role. If he grows up in a calm, democratic environment, where all problems are solved not with shouts and belts, but with sincere conversations, then there is a high probability that the future introvert will become a mature and self-confident person.
I also recommend reading: How can an introvert survive among extroverts and not lose his individuality?
However, if you often take it out on a child, and are only interested in his inner experiences in the last place, then rest assured: you will develop an inferiority complex in your child, which will subsequently interfere with his life. Become for your child the support that he craves to see in loved ones. After all, who else, if not his parents, will support him in any situation?
Many mothers often asked the question: how can you still force your child to be at least a little more sociable? No way. Leave him alone and give him the right to be who he is. If your son or daughter is more comfortable sitting at home and watching movies than going to clubs, then think - perhaps this has its advantages? This is usually answered with the phrase that he doesn’t even have friends. If they are not there, then there are no worthy ones. As soon as a person appears who is truly interesting for an introvert, the problem will be solved by itself. It’s better to have one faithful friend than a bunch of “buddies.”
Besides, making friends with an introvert is not as difficult as it seems. Yes, this will take a lot of time, because he is wary of letting strangers into his universe. Don’t set yourself the goal of gaining the trust of an introvert in a month or even six months: it’s impossible. Place your bet on unobtrusive and interesting communication over a long period of time and you won’t go wrong.
Key character traits of an introvert
How are introverts different from other people? What do they all have in common?
The main characteristics of introverts:
- Tendency to loneliness. He is interested in spending time without friends and loved ones. Loneliness fuels him and gives him new strength.
— Purposeful communication. An introvert will never engage in meaningless conversations. All conversations in which he takes part have a specific purpose.
- Carefully considered actions. Without a preliminary analysis, without a clear plan and prediction of the result, an introvert will never take action. All his actions and actions are clearly thought out and analyzed. He never acts spontaneously. It's not in his nature to take risks.
— Respecting the boundaries of personal space. An introvert carefully guards both his territory and his inner world. He doesn’t let anyone get too close to him, carefully guarding his personal boundaries. Maintaining distance is the main principle of communicating with other people.
- Preoccupation with a specific situation. Having experienced certain troubles, an introvert will experience negative emotions and suffer for a long time. He cannot quickly get rid of unpleasant memories, reliving the situation again and again.
— Tendency to deep analysis. An introvert often gets lost in thought, analyzing everything that has to do with him.
- Rich fantasy. He is often visited by extraordinary thoughts, creative ideas and wild fantasies. He doesn’t manage to realize all his ideas in life, but he never stops dreaming.
- Huge endurance. An introverted person is distinguished by great patience, the ability to accept any situation and find a reasonable solution to a problem.
- Ability to keep emotions under control. It's hard to piss him off. This person always knows what he wants and how to achieve what he wants. Purposefulness is his main feature.
Signs
A detailed description of an introverted personality type can take several pages of continuous text. If we generalize it and highlight the most important thing, then the leading signs will be the following.
Positive features:
- perseverance, concentration;
- excellent level of diligence, especially in relation to monotonous work, bringing any task to its logical conclusion;
- loyalty in friendship: the ability to listen, sympathize, understand, as well as sensitivity to the problems of other people;
- reliability, responsibility;
- intelligence and genius;
- close connection with art: talents and gifts to write, draw, play musical instruments, etc.;
- creative, unusual, bright work solutions;
- good success in training and self-education;
- balanced and deliberate decision-making as a result of in-depth analysis and detailed study of the issue;
- loyalty to your word, responsible attitude towards the requests of others;
- tact, modesty;
- honesty, impartiality;
- the ability to be happy alone, regardless of others.
Negative features:
- communication problems;
- social phobia;
- detachment from common problems;
- distrust;
- inability to express oneself, to declare one’s talents and abilities, hence the difficulties in promoting one’s career;
- suspiciousness;
- emotional limitations;
- maladjustment in the conditions of the modern education system and intracorporate relations;
- low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence.
Neutral traits that can turn into both good and evil:
- a narrow circle of communication into which only a select few are admitted;
- protecting your comfort zone, clear boundaries beyond which no one else is allowed;
- secondary type of reaction to an event (from the point of view of psychology): they experience an unpleasant situation for a long time, returning to it again and again;
- rich fantasy;
- patience;
- independence from the opinions of others;
- love of home, silence, loneliness;
- complete control over emotions.
Experts compared the life and behavior of an introvert to charging a phone, and they came up with this interesting picture, reflecting the whole essence of this psychotype:
Classification of introverts
Having analyzed what qualities an introvert has and the behavior of this person in certain life situations, psychologists have identified several types of people with this psychotype:
1. Logical-intuitive type - has analytical abilities, has extraordinary ideas, loves solitude and loneliness, does not pursue luxury, being content only with the most necessary.
2. Logical-sensory type - knows how to plan his actions so that failures never befall this person. He has a desired goal, a precise plan of action and a guaranteed result.
3. A logical-intuitive rationalist maintains order in all areas of life, from small things to relationships. He often gets annoyed because something doesn't go according to plan, even when it has absolutely nothing to do with him. He trusts only facts in his life.
4. The logical-intuitive irrationalist does not know how to be punctual and precise. He cannot follow a clear plan, veering off the intended path. If he has completed at least half of what he planned, this is already considered a great achievement. But creativity and rich imagination are his main trump cards.
5. An emotionally unbalanced type is characterized by low self-esteem, lack of confidence in one’s capabilities, and hysterical attacks.
Introverted man
Both women and men can be introverts. Some psychologists believe that introverted men are more common than women. Depending on gender, there are some special ones in the same psychotype. So, the man is an introvert. Who is this?
They prefer a cozy home environment, have a narrow circle of close friends, and do not know how to demonstrate their feelings and emotions. Introverted men are quite secretive and closed in their inner world. They prefer correspondence to long conversations, they do not like to hug and do not allow anyone to disturb their peace and order.
A positive character trait of such a man is observation; he knows how to be attentive to the woman he loves and always knows how to please her.
If you find the right approach to such a man, then a reliable rear is guaranteed forever. An introverted man is considered a monogamist; if he is comfortable next to the woman he loves, he will do everything possible and impossible to make her happy with him.
Gender differences and reactions to infidelity
As a rule, men and women evaluate their partner’s betrayal differently, which, in turn, gives different emotional overtones to their reactions.
It's important not to generalize too much—what's true for some people isn't true for others, but there is evidence that most people's responses are at least partially consistent with typical behavior for their gender. Understanding these biological and cultural programs, while variable and imprecise, should shed some light on your response to infidelity so that you may not feel so alone or abnormal. This will help your partner understand your feelings better. In general, women are determined to restore and maintain relationships; men - finish and look for a new partner. Women are more likely to become depressed and blame themselves; men are more likely to get angry and attack others, including in the imagination. Women are more likely to attribute infidelity to their overall unworthiness; men - their sexual inadequacy. Women tend to exaggerate the significance of infidelity and spend more time healing; men are able to separate themselves from the pain and move on.
Introverted woman
An introverted woman has it the hardest. The role of wife, housewife, mother of children requires an active lifestyle, a large social circle and many responsibilities. A woman simply cannot afford to lead a solitary life; she must communicate with a large number of people: doctors, salespeople, teachers, educators. This forced communication takes a lot of strength and energy from her.
A female introvert has unpredictable behavior. Sometimes it can be cold and inaccessible, but sometimes it can be warm and harmonious. She can calm and comfort with just her presence and confident gaze. Sometimes her mood is difficult to guess. Outwardly, she seems calm and balanced, but passions are raging inside.
She loves to delve into herself, her feelings, and criticize her own character traits and actions. She is also critical of those around her.
Over the years, an introverted woman opens up and it becomes easier for her to communicate with people.
Such women value their work because it gives them a sense of reliability and stability.
They prefer more practical men than romantic ones. They value help in solving everyday problems more than guitar songs and expensive gifts.
Myths about introverts
Some people are unable to understand and accept a person of this psychotype; they do not know how to properly communicate with an introvert. These people seem to them like aliens from other worlds, which is why legends and myths about introverts are quite popular.
What erroneous qualities are seen by people who do not have reliable information about how to communicate with an introvert:
1. Lack of communication. If a person does not know how to communicate with an introvert, this does not mean that he is taciturn. If you choose the right subject of conversation, you can learn a lot of useful information from an introvert.
2. Shyness. If you interest an introvert, he will open up. He is not shy or cowardly, but you need to gain his trust first.
3. Rudeness. The directness of introverts is often confused with bad manners and rudeness.
4. Eccentricities. Introverts always have their own opinions, which often do not coincide with the generally accepted ones, so their individuality is often confused with oddities.
5. Indifference. People perceive the inability to show their emotions as indifference.
6. Inability to enjoy life. Noisy entertainment, parties, and holidays are not suitable for introverts. These people enjoy completely different things: silence, solitude, home environment, beautiful things, music, silence.
Final Thoughts
If you are an extrovert, you may encounter certain difficulties communicating with an introvert. However, it can also be a rewarding experience for you. You will be able to get to know other people better and expand your circle of acquaintances. After all, there are so many brilliant, creative and talented individuals hiding behind their “introverted walls.” Therefore, learn to communicate with all people, and have fun expanding your horizons and making new friends.
https://youtu.be/d1rZopy9WmY15
017
They are not antisocial, depressed or boring. Simply special. They really don't have many friends, but these friends are real. To establish close communication with them, it is enough to follow the rules.
30 most sincere phrases to say about love735 589How to communicate with a person suffering from dementia748 701Night awakenings: what diseases do they warn us about1 167 436
Among them there are many creative personalities and intellectuals. They are considered mysterious and unpredictable. They are so taciturn that those around them know almost nothing about them. Those who are trying to understand what is going on in such a person’s head, what he loves or hates, have a hard time.
Want to know how to please an introvert? By following simple rules, you will begin to notice that a radiant smile appears on his face more often.
They lead an uncomplicated life
An introvert is unpretentious, he is so comfortable. Excesses contradict his character. If you want to invite an unsociable friend somewhere, remember that everything should be simple, otherwise he will not go anywhere at all.
They are individualists
Perhaps this is their main feature. They are not interested in the opinion of the crowd; they prefer to be different from everyone. Thanks to their high IQ, they are able to create a unique lifestyle. Their qualities manifest themselves when they have the opportunity to devote time to new ideas and unleash their creative potential. If you want the introvert to get the most out of communication, offer to do something original.
They value peace
After a long day of work amid the noise and bustle, they need to hide in a quiet place. It is important to be alone with yourself, this is the only way to come to your senses and restore strength. If you are able to understand this, leave them alone, they will be grateful.
They strive for high goals
A person who spends a lot of time alone tends to get lost in thought. The habit of thinking about everything in the world develops self-awareness and the desire to know the highest meaning and purpose. Introverts understand perfectly well that they need to earn a living and go to work, but they can change 5-9 jobs if they do not find intellectual and emotional satisfaction. Don't judge them for frequently changing their profession, that's how they are designed.
They prefer meaningful conversations
Introverts think much more complex and original than extroverts. Therefore, they often plunge into deep thoughts and think about important topics for a long time. If you ask simple questions like “How are you?” or “How are you?” will most likely be followed by a monosyllabic answer. Try asking more meaningful questions, you will have an interesting discussion.
They need understanding
These people adore receptive people who are not quick to judge their habits. They know very well that it is not easy with them. Anyone who can understand that a reserved friend values personal space above all else can be considered his best friend. It’s a pain for an introvert to explain why he’s not excited about the idea of going out somewhere this weekend.
They love quiet company
It’s not that they are antisocial and taciturn, it’s just that for them there is nothing sweeter than silence. If you are willing to respect this desire and do not obsessively fill in the pauses, you will be loved. The ultimate dream of an introvert is to sit down with a book in a quiet room while another person silently goes about their business. The strength of feeling for him is expressed in the ability to remain silent.
They need people who can accept their quirks
As already mentioned, they need people who can understand how difficult it is for them to live in a troubled world. They realize that it is not easy for a person with the opposite personality type to love and accept them as they are. But if you try, you won’t find a more loyal friend.
Source: www.thepowerofsilence.co
The famous psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung clearly divided people by temperament into extroverts and introverts. To make friends with an introvert, you need to know some of the features and properties of an introvert's temperament. How to win someone over in 15 seconds?
Features and differences of introverts
Introverts are the exact opposite of extroverts. An extrovert is a person primarily and in many situations oriented to the outside world. An extrovert strives for communication, likes to participate in various events, receiving a positive charge of mood from interacting with others.
Introverts have a calm attitude towards everything that happens, they are a little withdrawn because they quickly get tired of communication. An introvert prefers a narrow circle of people close to him.
How to communicate with elderly parents? Wise advice
And if it is easy to establish contact with extroverts, he will always be happy to communicate, then with introverts everything is much more difficult. To communicate with introverts, you need to know some of the features of communicating with introverts.
How to make friends with an introvert? Features of communicating with an introvert:
1. It is always important for an introvert to prepare for a meeting, so try to eliminate the “effect of surprise” when communicating with an introvert. Introverts in a world of extroverts
2. An introvert’s period of awareness of something is a little longer than an extrovert’s. For example, an introvert cannot answer any questions instantly. He needs more time to understand. These are the characteristics of communicating with an introvert, and if he is silent, it does not mean that he does not want to talk. He's just trying to formulate an answer.
3. To make friends with an introvert, you need to prepare for the fact that introverts rarely talk much. When communicating with an introvert, it is better not to interrupt him or interrupt his monologue. Introverts react very sharply to this, believing that their interlocutor is simply not interested.
4. Before communicating with an introvert, it is important to carefully think through everything exactly that you will say. The peculiarity of communicating with an introvert is that he is very sensitive, but at the same time restrained. Therefore, he may not show his dissatisfaction and indignation, although he is very worried inside. This is important if you are trying to make friends with an introvert.
How to deal with selfish people?
5. Introverts are not very proactive in relationships, and therefore may seem proud. In reality, introverts are simply too afraid of being rejected and unwanted. This is something you should consider if you are trying to communicate effectively with an introvert.
Sometimes an introvert feels that his action will be inappropriate, and therefore he prefers to hold it back so as not to get into trouble. Therefore, in order to make friends with him, you should take the first step. Formula of conflict
6. Introverts don't like to talk about themselves. This is the main feature of communication with an introvert. That's why it's sometimes so difficult to communicate with him. Of course, both extroverts and introverts really want to be asked about their business, so that the interlocutor is interested in what they are talking about. This is completely natural for any person.
When communicating with introverts, you need to find an approach. To make friends with an introvert, start with a simple question: “How was your day?” Communicating with an introvert is easy if you build your dialogue yourself. But you should also be prepared for the fact that the answers may be short.
How to force yourself to exercise?
7. Well, if the introvert’s answers are short, it means that he is simply not ready to communicate and is going through special thought processes. This feature of communicating with an introvert will serve as a signal for you to stop in time and not cross the boundary set by a person prone to introversion.
These simple rules will help you easily communicate with an introvert, make friends with him and get to know his deep inner world.
Sources used:
- https://otnoshenij.net/kak-obschatsya-s-zamknutym-chelovekom-pravila-uspeshnogo-razgovora-s-introvertom
- https://psy-zoom.ru/2020/10/13/friendship-introvert.html
- https://psikhologia.com/podruzhitsya-s-introvertom.html
- https://www.psychologies.ru/articles/drujba-s-introvertom-8-prostyih-pravil/
- https://psylive.com.ua/psikhologiya-obshheniya/obshhenie-s-introvertom.html
Communication with introverts
It can be quite difficult to communicate with introverts in their pure form. But many of them try not to be different from the rest and lead the same way of life: they visit entertainment venues, lead an active lifestyle, and meet with friends. But such a pastime does not bring them much pleasure. Over time, they learn to understand themselves, listen to their true desires and do what they really like.
Some people cannot understand the way of thinking and habits of introverts - communicating with them does not bring them any joy. But few people think about the question of what it is like for an introvert to communicate with people, whether he experiences difficulties in communication, and whether he knows how to find a common language with the people he needs. Introverts and extroverts live in different worlds, their thinking is radically different from each other, so finding a topic for conversation can be almost impossible. In the workplace, misunderstandings and unpleasant situations also often arise between these psychotypes.
Show interest in him while talking
Show interest in the introvert, he really lacks it...
Inattention on the part of the interlocutor offends the introvert, the meaning of the conversation is lost for him. Repeating what was said earlier is not an easy task for him. Therefore, try to maintain the dialogue in calm tones, without harsh statements or careless insults. Remember that such people are very vulnerable and susceptible to the opinions of others; unpleasant words for them can become a reason for long-term and serious resentment.
