How to find a lover: what a woman should do, advice from psychologists

Why there is a desire to have an affair on the side

The first and most important reason why a spouse decides to have an extramarital affair is routine family life. Over time, the husband stops paying attention to his wife, does not give compliments, and does not please her with gifts. In order to rekindle the fire in her soul, to feel loved and attractive, and to raise her self-esteem, the wife decides to take a lover.

The second reason, arising from the first, is boring sex. The spouse thinks only about satisfying his desires, uses one position that is comfortable for him, and does not pay attention to foreplay. Sexual intercourse becomes fast, monotonous, infrequent, and does not bring release. It feels more like a duty than a way to have fun. And then the lady understands: I want to have a passionate lover in order to again experience a strong desire, see a spark in my partner’s eyes, and get high-quality long sex that leads to orgasm.

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The third reason, very different from the first two, is an unstable financial situation. In this case, the woman is not looking for a sexual giant, but a successful rich man who will be able to provide for her needs.

Where and who to look for

To understand in what places you should look for a sexual partner, you need to determine your desires. For one-time sex, you can meet a guy in youth public institutions, for example, in a cafe, night club, karaoke, hookah bar. In this case, you don’t even have to say your name. If you are counting on a long-term relationship, then you need to choose more serious places: a restaurant, a swimming pool, an exhibition, a party with friends, a social reception.

You can find a sexually attractive rich lover in more luxurious places - at a fashionable resort, in an elite fitness center or an expensive store.

Choose nightlife spots

Since you need a man for one night, then there is no point in starting to look for him during the day. Go to establishments that are open all night. Clubs and bars are the places most conducive to fleeting acquaintances. Alcohol and the dark take off people's masks, they become themselves and follow their instincts. Here the cards are in your hands.

Where to start and where to look

Before you start searching, you need to prepare yourself mentally. Are you ready to cheat on your spouse? Are you sure that you will get more positive emotions than negative ones, tormented by remorse? Can you keep your extramarital affair a secret from your husband and girlfriends? If the answer to all 3 questions is “yes”, you can confidently say to yourself: “I really want to have a lover,” then it’s time to start looking.

Married lovers

It is more advisable for a married lady to pay attention to a married gentleman. He will not force communication, create scenes of jealousy, or threaten to expose the relationship to his spouse. Such a partner does not intend to risk the comfort and tranquility of home, and destroying his own family is not part of his plans. This means that your connection will remain secret. Relationships in such a quadrangle are the most balanced, since everyone has responsibilities to their spouses.

Partners are well aware that their connection is only sex, which is based on passion and desire. They don't expect more from each other.

Husband's friend

In order for a married woman to quickly find a lover, it is not necessary to go out into the world. Pay attention to your spouse's friend. From a moral point of view, this is not very beautiful, because it turns out to be a double betrayal, but the spouse will not know about it. This is beneficial not only for the woman, but also for the friend if he really values friendship. In such a relationship, it is easy to maintain secrecy, because a friend can find out in advance where and for how long the spouse is going to leave, and whether he will be late at work. This is also convenient if there are suspicions of the spouse’s infidelity, which they first tell friends about.

Then you can end the relationship in time, before the man finds evidence of infidelity and files for divorce.

Appear in public more often

If you have firmly decided: “I want to find an ideal lover for myself,” but there is no worthy option in your environment, then go out more often. It is worth visiting places that interest you in order to be able to carry on a conversation with the person you like. If your views converge, then after good sex you will have something to discuss. You can find an educated, cultured partner with whom you can not only spend a few hours pleasantly in bed, but also communicate, at the theater, at an exhibition, at an art gallery or charity foundation, at a scientific conference. If communication does not play a big role for you, then a cinema, night club, cafe, and billiard room are suitable.

READ How to understand that a married man likes you: 4 main signs

On dating sites

Nowadays, finding a good partner is as easy as shelling pears using the World Wide Web. Hundreds of dating sites have been created on the Internet, where they look for people not only for life, but also for sexual pleasures. The main distinguishing feature that attracts millions is the large selection of men. Moreover, you can always, with maximum safety, stop communicating with one person and start a conversation with another person until you finally decide on a live meeting.

In the search on the site, important indicators are entered: age, income, profession, hobbies, sexual preferences, family. Suitable candidates are automatically selected, so you don’t have to waste time communicating with an uninteresting person. Before the meeting, discuss important points, chat via Skype or Viber, you can even try virtual sex.

At work

You can also find an attractive man in the office. But here it is extremely important to prevent any rumors between colleagues. It is better to have sex on neutral territory, and behave with restraint within the walls of a company - do not flirt, do not make out in dark corridors, do not lock yourself in separate rooms, do not leave work together. If rumors spread, you will have to look not only for a new place of duty, but also for a new spouse. In addition, before starting an affair, you need to make sure that your future lover will not plot intrigues if you break up.

Other options

There are other options for finding a lover. You can meet him anywhere. It could even be a former classmate, classmate, or just an old acquaintance whom you met by chance on the street.

A good place for a short-term romance is a resort. A wonderful atmosphere, a state of peace and relaxation, the absence of a husband and children nearby - all this is conducive to a close acquaintance with the man you like.

If you don’t know how to find a rich, successful lover, then buy a membership to an elite fitness club or swimming pool, buy a ticket to a luxury hotel, and get passes to social events. You can get a job in a luxury car dealership or in an expensive clothing store. It is necessary to be in places visited by rich people as often as possible.

Rating of dating sites where a woman can find a lover

Not only men, but also married girls want to find a lover in order to feel passion, improve marital relationships, and make fantasies come true. Women want to feel wanted, loved and beautiful. If there are many dating sites with reviews for finding mistresses, then there are much fewer similar resources for finding a lover.

Especially when it comes to married women over forty years old, because they are not as popular compared to young girls. But for this there is a rating of dating sites for married women with real reviews.

How to start a relationship with your lover

Before you start a “bed” relationship, you should attract his attention. In this matter, each woman has her own secrets and methods of seduction. Naturally, the lady must have a pleasant appearance. Beautifully styled hair, light makeup, and a trail of perfume are already half the success. A woman should radiate sexuality and evoke passion, and be confident. It is unlikely that a man will pay attention to a gray mouse with disheveled, greasy hair. If you are thinking about how to find a rich, sexy lover, then make even higher demands on your appearance: an expensive suit, perfect hairstyle, fashionable perfume.

Charm your potential sex partner, invite him to spend a pleasant evening, and you can go straight to your home, so that he has no doubts about your intentions. During the first meeting, it is better to immediately discuss the point that you are just lovers, you should not count on more. Only if a man agrees to your terms can you think about having sex for the first time.

READ A lover is jealous of her husband: why this happens and how to correct the situation

Remember that you should approach treason with a sober head. A burst of passion can lead to rash actions and exposure, which will end sadly for family relationships.

What to tell a guy about yourself when meeting him

If you choose a stranger for a future romance, then at the first meeting you will have to tell something about yourself. In this case, you should limit yourself to topics related to your interests, hobbies, work, and pastime. Family, spouse and children can only be mentioned in passing. You should not burden your partner with your household problems and responsibilities, complain about your spouse, or shed tears. This obviously will not give your meeting lightness and a cheerful mood, which is exactly what lovers are looking for from meeting each other. Comforting is not the best thing for a man who wants to get you into bed.

During the first meeting, avoid specifics. A stranger should not find out your address, your last name, your exact place of work, or the number of the school or kindergarten where your children go. It’s unknown how the meeting will end, and you haven’t really gotten to know the person yet. There is a possibility that he will want to take revenge for the insult and will begin to stalk and blackmail you. Then he will know exactly where he should go.

In order not to spoil the overall impression, you can always answer provocative questions with a joke.

How to behave

Women who want love and affection think more about where to find a good lover. You can meet him anywhere, but keeping him is not so easy. In order for a man to want to meet with you for as long as possible, you must adhere to several rules of communication:

look attractive and well-groomed;
have a sexy body, wear revealing lingerie, have an intimate haircut;
do not complain about ailments, evoking compassion;
do not hide your desires, because with a lover you can fulfill even the wildest fantasies;
always be in a good mood, because with you the man rests body and soul from family problems;
do not make material demands, remember, a lover is not a husband, therefore it is not his responsibility to provide for you;
do not make a scandal, do not be jealous;
Don’t meet too often so as not to get bored of each other, then the desire will be stronger.

Tips for women to successfully find a lover on dating sites

There are many dating sites on the Internet with good reviews and high ratings. But girls don’t always understand how to use them and how to communicate in order to find a man for sex. Therefore, it is important to remember a few recommendations :

It is better to choose resources with free page registration, because there are many bots, scammers, and perverts on portals without registration.
Fill out your profile, tell us about yourself, add a few high-quality photos, indicate the purpose of your stay on the site in order to weed out unnecessary ones.
After a few days of using the resource, buy a premium account to speed up the search process, receive gifts, and remain “invisible on the network.”
After communication, you can exchange numbers, but you should not call each other; it is better to transfer communication to instant messengers.
Register on several portals to increase your chances.

On such sites, most of the men are from the capital, and there are also foreigners who often come to Russia and want to find a mistress.

Rules for safe adultery

Above are tips on how to have a lover if you have been married for a long time. But after a boyfriend appears in a woman’s life, it is necessary to maintain secrecy so that the husband does not guess about the betrayal and the marriage is not under threat.

READ A married lover fell in love with his mistress: signs of sublime feelings

There are several rules for safe adultery, thanks to which you can protect your family hearth:

Secret. Don't tell anyone about your affair, not even your best friend. Insist that the young man also remain silent.
Compromising evidence. Do not accept expensive gifts or flowers, throw away restaurant receipts or movie tickets, do not keep condoms on your person, erase messages and delete calls from numbers.
Contraception. The use of condoms is mandatory. Firstly, your partner may have other lovers or casual relationships, which means there is no guarantee that he will not infect you with a sexually transmitted infection. Secondly, you should not get pregnant.
Attention. The spouse should not be deprived of love, care and sex. Behave with him the same way you did before the other man showed up. Give compliments, notice changes in appearance for the better, show jealousy towards other girls.
Alibi. You need to figure out why you often leave home and do it without your husband, so that suspicion does not arise.
Children. You should not go on a date with children, even small ones. They do not know how to deceive and lie. If asked directly, the child will lay out all the information: where, with whom and why you went.
Schedule. It will be strange if you suddenly suddenly start “staying late at work” or start “meeting your friend” often, if such things have not happened before. It’s better to pretend that you have found new interests: fitness, swimming pool, training courses, theater. But at the same time, do not forget to train your body in your free time or find out information about the theater premiere so that your husband does not suspect something is wrong.
Meeting places. Choose establishments where you will definitely not meet people you know. If this happens, act confidently, say that you accidentally bumped into a classmate, and introduce them to each other. If you start to panic, you will arouse suspicion. At home, you can tell your husband the same information in case gossip does reach him.

Follow these 8 rules of safe adultery, then your husband will not worry and will not suspect you of anything.

READ What to do if your lover doesn’t call or write

Husband's friend

Sometimes you don’t even have to think about where to find a lover. Often it turns out to be the husband's best friend. He knows his spouse inside and out. Knows his habits, preferences, train of thoughts. He can predict how the spouse will act in a certain situation. Well, whoever is “armed” is completely safe.

Of course, a man trusts his best friend. It’s as if his best friend is in his sight all the time. Especially if the men are colleagues. And the spouse will not see anything wrong in the communication between a friend and his wife.

By the way, friends usually complement each other perfectly - the missing qualities in one are added by the other. So it turns out that this option is ideal.

By the way, there is another positive point. A woman knows her husband’s best friend well (all his strengths and weaknesses, all his habits). She communicates with him often, so she won’t even have to get used to him. In terms of communication, of course.

Pitfalls of secret relationships

Secret relationships also have their pitfalls:

Fear of exposure. A woman may begin to react inadequately to questions, become nervous, worry, and this leads to depression or breakdown.
Not entirely appropriate behavior. A happy, satisfied lady seems to have wings growing behind her back. She constantly smiles, often thinks, begins to look better, and this can alert a man.
A woman can mistake passion for something more and simply fall in love with her sexual partner, which will cause inconvenience to both herself and him.

In any case, think several times whether you really need to find a lover. Maybe it's better to try to improve your relationship with your spouse?

Act natural

A woman who tries on the role of a cold seductress often looks funny. Especially if such behavior is unnatural for her. Since this is not inherent in her nature, a woman constantly pulls herself together, tries to control every movement, but in the end she still makes a mistake and begins to get nervous, which is very noticeable. Men are not at all attracted to such types. They like people who are self-confident and who can carry themselves freely. This is achieved either by congenital bitches, or by those who do not pretend and are not pretentious, and even behave in a simple, but natural way.