In the 21st century, the patriarchal model of behavior is no longer perceived as the only one (which we, of course, are very happy about): the Internet has helped us understand that feminists are not at all ugly, masculine women who hate men and prefer to personally lay sleepers and carry heavy bags from supermarket, a career can be made equally successful regardless of gender, and there is no “female” or “male” logic - there is simply logic or the absence of it, but this also does not depend on gender.
However, despite all the pleasant changes, misogyny has not disappeared completely - discrimination and dividing people into better and worse only on the basis of gender still exists. Moreover, it is not always men who seek to discriminate. Women often and with pleasure belittle other women, everything is used - from “I don’t believe in female friendship, I’m better at being friends with guys” to “it’s my own fault, there was no point in putting on a short skirt and wandering around in the dark - of course, I was raped” . Female misogyny looks like a paradox - but what about female solidarity, support, sympathy, after all? - But only at first glance.
General information
Misogynists have a scientific name: misogyny. Translating this term from Greek, “misogyny” is hatred of women. Its manifestations are aimed at the female sex. Expressed by the following signs:
- a feeling of hostility;
- negative attitude;
- humiliating actions;
- neglect;
- excessive control;
- sexual objectification (the girl is seen as a partner for sexual gratification);
- violence.
Until recently, misogyny was viewed as domestic tyranny. Nowadays, this concept leaves the framework of relationships within one family, penetrating into various spheres of society.
You can communicate with a man who will be quite gallant, courteous, attentive, generous with compliments, tactful, and you will not even think that such a person is literally exploding with hatred of the female sex and is disgusted. It is not always possible to understand from a man’s behavior that he disdains women and feels hatred towards them. A misogynist can be amiable and reserved, hiding his true attitude. This is due to the fact that there are two types of misogynists.
- Open. A man does not hide his hatred, publicly humiliates, insults, ridicules female representatives, doubts their mental abilities, and actively supports any negative statement aimed at the female sex. He happily spreads his conviction to the masses.
- Hidden. He makes the best impression on women who do not even suspect that he is a misogynist. This type is more dangerous, because a girl manages to find out the true face of a man already during the relationship, and often after marriage.
How to overcome internal misogyny
Essentially, we are talking about uprooting the attitudes and stereotypes that have grown in our minds since childhood. And this is difficult. And it is possible only for those women who already see the problem. Because for those who are unshakably convinced that women are fools, and that beautiful blonde over there obviously got her car for a reason, it is useless to explain anything.
Monitor misogynistic thoughts and try to stop them. Try to refuse Internal Misogyny from misogynistic language and not broadcast stereotypes about women: they harm both you and all women in general.
It must be remembered that any person is, first of all, a person, and not a set of genitals. And his gender does not affect his professionalism or personal qualities.
If you want to delve deeper into self-analysis, you can trace where each negative belief in your head about women came from, who first instilled it in you, and why it is not true.
Conduct an educational program
For example, read gender studies: they will show that sexist myths are just that, myths, and in fact, men and women are not that different from each other. For example, a small selection of HSE: gender studies of research conducted by Russian scientists has been published on the website of the Higher School of Economics. Other similar works can be easily searched through a search engine using relevant queries. Here, for example, is the text Think Again: Men and Women Share Cognitive Skills about the cognitive abilities of men and women.
Look around you
And you will see many wonderful, smart, strong and talented women, media and not so, who are raising children alone, saving In Bashkiria, a woman saved five children from a fire and treating people, doing Katie Bowman’s algorithm: how an MIT graduate helped make the first in history photography of a black hole by science, books are written.
Give women a chance
Don’t refuse to see a specialist because the specialist is a woman. Look first at experience and professional qualities, not at gender. Don’t attack women in life and on social networks, don’t take the side of the aggressors and try to sympathize with the victim (bullying, violence, petty attacks).
Remember that other women are not the evil, envious competitors that society portrays them as, but people just like you. And know that female friendship (which happens - contrary to all statements) makes Female friends are more important than you realized. Here's why. makes us healthier, more harmonious and even helps us build a career.
Possible reasons
A strict, domineering mother who resorts to physical punishment can influence the development of hatred towards women.
Let's look at what factors can influence the development of hostility directed towards the entire female sex:
- lack or absence of emotional contact with the mother;
- the presence of special religious views within the family;
- bullying and humiliation from classmates and peers;
- lack of close relationships with girls due to the presence of physical defects in appearance;
- growing up in a family in which the female role was devalued;
- unsuccessful first experience of sexual life, open ridicule of a partner;
- rough treatment by female relatives, especially mothers, corporal punishment;
- betrayal of a beloved woman, treason.
In most cases, misogyny begins to form in childhood, when there is no formed worldview and there is emotional instability.
What is misogyny?
Misogyny is a dislike of women that can be traced back to ancient cultures. The name "misogyny" is derived from two Greek words: "misos" - hatred, disgust, and "gyne" - woman.
Misogyny is a social position that is expressed in negative attitudes, prejudice, discrimination and violence towards women. Misogyny these days is called the result of patriarchal culture in society. In some religions, women are assigned the role of a weak-willed, resigned creature.
Characteristic manifestations
How exactly a man who hates women will behave is influenced by whether he is an open or covert misogynist. We will look at the signs that, in principle, can characterize a misogynist.
- He carefully studies a woman, her behavior, and carefully hides his true intentions. The girl has no idea that she started a relationship with a misogynist. He makes a favorable impression and charms. But over time, gallantry and kindness are replaced by unceremoniousness and rudeness.
- The young man makes incredible promises that he has no intention of keeping. At the same time, when he promises something to his male friends, he always keeps his word.
- He behaves disrespectfully, is late for business meetings with women, and also arrives late for dates. In a male environment, he is always punctual.
- He is often ambitious, reacts sharply to a woman who is more successful than him, and treats this fact as a personal insult.
- Almost always behaves arrogantly, self-confidently, patronizingly. Being next to a woman, he emphasizes a high opinion of himself, pointing out his own superiority.
- In all spheres of his life, he demonstrates a biased attitude towards women, indicating who is in charge.
- He easily hurts female representatives, can manipulate, publicly humiliate, and make offensive jokes about the girl.
- During intimate intimacy, first of all, taking care of satisfying one’s desires often ignores the woman’s needs.
- Easily cheats on his partner. He does this not because he is polygamous, but because he treats all girls with disrespect and contempt.
You need to understand that your particular misogynist will not have all of the above signs. Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out such a person.
The following manifestations may indicate that a woman lives with a misogynist:
- controls all her movements and actions;
- prohibits seeing friends, limits social circle;
- does not allow his partner to work, because he believes that she should only care about the whims of her man and in no case be more successful than him;
- criticizes the girl’s appearance, pointing out flaws in her figure, hair color, nose shape, makeup, etc.;
- treats her achievements with ridicule, suppresses the beginnings of creative potential;
- treats violations of rules and mistakes of his partner strictly;
- He often resorts to psychological violence, manipulates his lady, reminds her of her shortcomings and past mistakes.
The main goal of misogyny is the destruction of women as individuals. A misogynist gradually shakes the psyche of his partner. Even if she becomes pliable, fulfills all his whims, he deliberately provokes a conflict in order to feel his power, makes the woman suffer.
New in blogs
Abuser is a fashionable word that is now pouring out from all social networks towards men; this is a person who puts moral pressure, constantly accuses someone of something, and makes them feel guilty.
Simply put, he takes pleasure in belittling his other half in a couple. But let’s speak openly, because it’s not only men who do this, they get jealous and hysterical; if we take it openly, I can give many more examples from women.
Which first provoke a conflict, and then, clinging to one word, they turn everything around and make the man guilty. She herself had a fight, she herself was offended, what else can you call it?
1. Quarrels and tantrums
If a girl does not know how to control herself, instead of requests and a normal attitude you immediately hear a scream or an angry tone, then this is a direct sign that the woman treats you from the position of a weak man. Once upon a time she was able to get what she wanted, but now she is simply repeating a scheme that has been worked out over the years.
2. If anything is offensive
You listen to all these claims, hold on and strengthen yourself, remain silent and do not react, but at some point the attacks cross all moral boundaries and the man reacts. For example, with a shout or a red word. What does a woman do? She grabs this outstretched hand of salvation, and now she sits offended and bursts into tears that you allowed this.
And the man stands and blinks, he was showered with negativity and shouting all day, he answered once and immediately “went too far”, offended the poor woman with his reaction. They hurt him, but he is to blame.
3. Excessive control
Give me your phone number, what's the password? A classic of female detective work, why search and invent it if you can simply try to subjugate your husband and deprive him of any communication, even at work, even with his family.
That is, there is definitely no question of trust in such a relationship; the woman constantly controls and monitors the man, and does not even leave him a chance to somehow be alone with friends or her loved ones.
4. You don't love me
And similar phrases with which girls try to extract more and more confessions and words of praise from a man. This is also a manipulation that is characteristic of an abuser. A person does not say what he wants and when he wants, but it is pulled out of him with the help of moral pressure.
What should a man do if a woman lets her hands go?
I know many examples of families where a man allows himself too much, and I will immediately express my opinion - I absolutely condemn it. The person against whom I would dare to raise my hand is, in my understanding, an enemy and a threat to me and my loved ones, so I don’t understand couples where there is a constant war for the relationship and who is stronger. It's easier to get a divorce.
And I know many situations that are the opposite, when a woman becomes hysterical and begins to rush at a man screaming:
Well, you're a man, come on! You can't even stand up for yourself!
Somewhere she will try to hit you, somewhere she will hurt you with a word. And of course, this is not normal, such relationships should be stopped immediately or tried to have a serious conversation.
What to do in such a situation?
I always advised clarifying the following point to a woman who is behaving unnecessarily aggressively:
After the first blow, you will turn from a wife into a sparring partner
Well, think about it, getting hit in the eye with a fingernail is normal, but acting in response is not a man. Even if the woman has done too much, it is best to restrain the woman and let her cool down for a couple of minutes.
Although later he tells his friends:
He grabbed me and threw me on the floor
They nod their heads condemningly and don’t even ask about what happened before that moment and why the man did this.
If a serious conversation and warnings do not help, then there is only one way that works.
Divorce or leave
If a girl cannot soberly assess the situation and continues to throw out her hysterics, then it is pointless to hit back. You will only make things worse for yourself, so don’t act like them and respond to provocations, just pack your things and leave.
If it doesn’t help once, you won’t be able to fix it in any way, the woman has crossed the line of the norm of adequate behavior, but accepts persuasion, either she will provoke you into tough actions, becoming a victim, or she will continue her attempts.
Remember that this is the most important signal that you have contacted the wrong woman and this is only the beginning of the problems.
Is it possible to convince
A woman cannot change her partner on her own; there is only one way out - to run away. If your feelings for a man are very strong and you don’t want to part with him, then you can try to convince him to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will be able to identify the reasons that influenced the development of hateful attitudes aimed at female representatives, delve into childhood memories, conduct psychotherapy sessions, and eventually get rid of misogyny.
Now you know what male representatives who hate women are called. As you can see, the formation of such a belief is preceded by some events, often from childhood, that provoke such attitudes towards the female sex. Remember that only an experienced specialist will be able to convince a man, to prove to him that he is wrong, believing that all women are terrible.
Old ladies
Not all men love young girls, there are also those who love older women. These are men who are looking for peace. After all, older women are more restrained and adequate. They know what men want, relationships are important to them. They do not make scenes of jealousy and do not demand impossible actions from their partner. Such women are calmer, unlike young women who are too emotional. They accept a man as he is, with all his shortcomings, and do not try to change him.
Older women know how to appreciate their partner and be grateful. They do not play with his feelings, but, on the contrary, reciprocate. Therefore, many young guys choose an older woman as their chosen one, because she will protect the family hearth, appreciate and respect her man, will be faithful to him, reliable and grateful for everything.
Corrective measures
Although misogyny is not recognized as a serious mental disorder, in some cases it may require some correction. This is relevant in a situation where hatred towards women manifests itself as uncontrolled aggression or occurs under the influence of an additional mental disorder.
Sorry for the lack of problems
For relationship coaching, men are "resolvers" and don't like to talk before thinking about the subject.
“People don't verbalize the details of their thoughts, they present conclusions,” says Cesa. For coaching, insisting on discussing problems with a person he hasn't yet thought about can push women away more than they bring their partners closer. Understanding a little better how men work doesn't mean there's trouble hiding. In the light of psychology, therapists warn that scientific findings should not be used as an excuse for not confronting a couple's real problem. My only fear is that some people use science to avoid fundamental discussions to develop relationships. Using science to justify immaturity is a problem, says Maria Helena Monteiro, a psychoanalyst who specializes in caring for couples.
Appropriate measures are also taken in moments when such a trait worsens a person’s life and causes many difficulties and difficulties that cannot be dealt with independently. When a condition causes serious concern, do not refuse to visit an appropriate specialist who can help and provide the necessary support.
Drug Therapy Options
There are no specific medications that relieve the condition. If drug therapy is prescribed, it is based on the general condition of the person.
In situations where misogyny is present in the context of depression, antidepressants may be prescribed. To relieve anxiety and block other negative feelings, it is important to use tranquilizers, sedatives and other sedatives that help control irritability and outbursts of aggression.
However, the main method of combating the condition is psychotherapy.
