A broad outlook, a deep inner world, professional activity - all this is most important in the life of every woman. However, appearance will always be either a helper or, conversely, an obstacle in the story of her life. But what if they tell me that I'm ugly?
Girls begin to look at their beautiful friends with envy, and look at their own reflection in the mirror with disappointment and even hatred. It’s worth starting with the fact that almost every girl in her life has heard from others that she is ugly or that there is something wrong with her appearance.
The statistics here are also disappointing - 98% of girls and women consider themselves ugly, despite the opinions of other people. And it’s worth highlighting the words “consider themselves” here. This means that in fact they are not ugly at all, they just consider themselves to be so.
In fact, the concept of “ugly” does not exist, because there is no friend according to taste and color. And here it’s not even about beauty, but about complexes, uncertainty and dislike for oneself.
How to accept and love yourself?
You can often hear the phrase: “They tell me that I’m ugly.” But look at the many popular actresses or models. Often we look at them and wonder how they managed to achieve such heights with such an ordinary appearance. Therefore, the problem is not beauty. Right?
An imperfect figure and facial features did not prevent them from achieving certain heights in their professional activities. For example, Kate Moss, a famous world-class model, said in one of her interviews that appearance is 40% of success, but many considered her ugly. And what brought the girl popularity was not her appearance, but the signature look of a she-wolf.
The first thing you need to do to prevent a girl from saying that she is ugly is to love yourself. After all, beauty has not only advantages, but also a large number of disadvantages. Michelle Mercier said that her appearance brought her not only fame and a sea of fans, but also a lot of suffering. This only means that it’s time to stop sighing at beauties and spend this energy on your beloved self.
Surround yourself with nice people
Think about what kind of people surround you? How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure or satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to reduce contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positivity, from whom you want to follow an example and change for the better.
There is no need to look for a reason to love yourself!
If you want to be a happy person, be one! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will definitely answer you in kind.
I would like to invite all women to a special women's group. It’s about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life’s difficulties, and be in harmony with herself and the world around her! The ABC of Women training program can be viewed here.
Taking care of you, Gestalt therapist Irina Meshcheryakova.
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Where to begin?
Following self-love comes an important factor - self-development. And it should be both external and internal. We all know very well that appearance gives advantages only in the first meetings. If in the future it turns out that the girl is just a beautiful dummy, few people will want to continue building a serious relationship with her.
If a person is told that he is ugly, there is no need to despair. Now your task is to analyze yourself, your appearance, in order to learn how to emphasize your strengths and hide your flaws. Confident people charge everyone around them with this confidence. Height, weight and eye color are absolutely unimportant when there is something special, something attractive about a person.
Is self-love selfish?
Self-love is not selfishness, not self-centeredness. This is acceptance of your personality with all its advantages and disadvantages. Self-love is no different from sincere love for another. Here's how the great psychologist Erich Fromm wrote about it: “If an individual is capable of fruitful love, he also loves himself; if he is capable of loving only others, he is incapable of loving at all.”
An egoist is focused only on the benefits that he can receive; he does not think about the interests of others. A person who loves himself loves the “Human” in himself. He is focused on developing his positive qualities, on unlocking his potential and self-improvement, on how to increase his self-esteem and the quality of life of himself and his loved ones.
What are the advantages of an imperfect appearance?
Does your ex say you're ugly? This does not mean at all that it is so. This is just the opinion of one person, and there are 7 billion of them on the planet. If you yourself consider yourself ugly, then try to find the advantages in your imperfect appearance. They may be as follows:
- You can be sure that they love you not for your pretty appearance, but for something more important and serious. They love you, not what you look like.
- You have an extra incentive to develop and move forward.
- And sometimes what you consider to be your shortcoming - freckles, for example, can be liked by others and make you stand out from the crowd.
The fact remains: “ugliness” is only in the head, but absolutely every young lady can make herself interesting and attractive. The less a woman is fixated on complexes about her appearance, the more intelligent, tolerant and reliable she is for men.
Be positive
Your mood and the way you think determine your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world around you. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Get in a positive mood, learn to enjoy the little things, and the world will sparkle with bright colors for you (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article “How to cheer yourself up? Proven methods that work”).
Watch your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I’m so ugly,” “I’m so fat, I’m just terrible,” “I’m a loser, I’ll never succeed,” etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”
I'm scary and I don't like myself
The girl says she's ugly? Such words should not be in your vocabulary. If you hear the phrase “they tell me that I’m not beautiful,” then immediately remember the great Coco Chanel, who once said that if a woman is ugly, then she is simply stupid. And nothing else. Moreover, in the modern world there are much more opportunities to emphasize your beauty than in the time of Chanel. But even then, women knew how to emphasize their advantages and hide their shortcomings.
"You're ugly!" - says the husband? It’s unpleasant, yes, but maybe this is your fault? It is important to recognize the fact that if you are ugly, it is only your choice. Don't like the reflection in the mirror? Don't you hear compliments from your husband? So it's time to act. Write down a list of what, in your opinion, is considered a disadvantage, and get to work!
The main desire!
As soon as you decide to change your attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will be launched. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. You won’t be able to fall in love with yourself instantly with the wave of a magic wand. Making adjustments to your outer appearance is quick and easy, but truly accepting and loving your inner world can be very difficult. The process of accepting yourself takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and your readiness for change. So where to start?
They tell me I'm ugly
In fact, it turns out that most of our shortcomings are far-fetched, and many people simply do not notice or do not even consider them as such. If the situation is already beyond the norm, if a woman begins to hide behind enormous clothes, leave the house less and less and seek solace in food, then the help of a psychologist will not hurt.
It turns out that 50% of beauty is not a straight nose and big breasts. These are well-groomed hair, clean skin, healthy teeth and so on. These points can be easily and simply implemented, and you can already be considered a pretty lady, at least. Absolutely anyone can grow their hair, lose a couple of extra pounds, and improve their skin condition. The modern beauty industry allows you to do this.
If some part of the body gives you peace of mind and cannot be corrected with cosmetics, you can always turn to the services of a plastic surgeon. However, this should not be abused.
There are factors that even surgery cannot change. For example, height. There is only one way out - look for the advantages in it. What usually happens is this: tall girls envy their petite girlfriends, and, on the contrary, short girls dream of gaining at least a couple of extra centimeters to their height. Your task is to choose the right clothing style, shoes, and hairstyle so that the image looks balanced.
Are there universal tips for improving the quality of life?
Fill your resource. High-quality nutrition, 2 liters of clean water per day, physical activity at least several times a week.
Do what you love. Find what interests you and become a master.
Choose the right partner for life.
Choose a spiritual mentor who you can rely on in difficult moments of life. When difficult questions arise, when illness overcomes, when loved ones pass away.
Create a decent environment that will help you move up.
Develop personality.
How to love yourself?
Do they tell me that I'm ugly? Nonsense! Just think for a second that you are the only one in the whole world and there is not and will not be another like you - this is so great! Your appearance may be imperfect, but why do you focus on your shortcomings when you can be proud of your strengths?
Probably, each of us at least once in our lives met a girl who did not have outstanding external data, but at the same time behaved confidently and relaxed, thereby attracting the attention of men. Therefore, the most important rule is to behave confidently, this sometimes attracts more than beauty. Therefore, stop feeling sorry for yourself and suffering with or without reason.
Focus your energy on taking care of yourself. Read a new book, change your wardrobe, experiment with your hairstyles, get some exercise. And love yourself endlessly, let your appearance become a helper and not an obstacle on the path to a better life!
The main causes of self-doubt
Causes of self-doubt:
- Anxiety. In most cases this happens in an unfamiliar environment. Most often, this is encountered by people who rarely speak in public, but are sometimes forced to do so. It is normal to experience anxiety, embarrassment and fear.
- Negative experience. Very often, the cause of self-doubt is various life situations that make up life experiences. Most likely, such people were underestimated in their work activities, the young man was offended.
- Perfectionism. These are people who want to be the best at everything. Most often these are individuals with excellent student syndrome. These are people who were raised by demanding parents, constantly raising the bar. Children were praised only after receiving good grades, so they are forced to try to be the best in life. Despite their apparent confidence, they are very weak inside.
How to love yourself
The face of an alcoholic: signs
The term “alcoholic face” is widely used in the medical industry. This concept implies a complex of the most characteristic features of the appearance of a person who abuses alcohol. Inexhaustible libations have a negative impact on all systems and organs. The result is the appearance of the following specific appearance features:
Deepening of the nasolabial fold in the upper part. At the same time, its lower part becomes smoother, which emphasizes the difference.
- The appearance of noticeable folds at the inner corner of the eyes. As a result, the organs of vision look more sunken.
- Nostril expansion. The nose swells, becomes deformed, and increases in size. Wrinkles appear on the bridge of the nose, diverging in an oblique direction.
- Thickening of lips. The outlines of this part of the face change. Due to the relaxation of the round muscle of the mouth, the lips are closed all the time.
The characteristic redness of the face is another striking sign of the appearance of an alcoholic. Regular consumption of alcohol in large doses leads to a decrease in the elasticity of blood vessels and capillaries and a violation of their integrity. As a result, spider veins appear on the face.
Violation of water-salt metabolism and the rate of elimination of excess fluid is reflected in the appearance in the form of edema. Together with a decrease in skin turgor, this leads to the appearance of dark circles and bags under the eyes. An additional factor is the relaxation of the circular muscles in this area, which also contributes to the formation of swelling. The face of a chronic alcoholic acquires characteristic swelling. Ultimately, this is fraught with the loss of the original outlines. The oval of the face becomes indistinct, as if blurred.
The outer layer of the epidermis dries out, peeling appears, and the face takes on an unhealthy hue. The consequence of addiction is early deep wrinkles. Constantly tense frontal muscles lead to pathological changes in the face, which becomes drooping and elongated.
All the described manifestations become more noticeable as the disease develops. Timely treatment of alcoholism can slow down negative processes in the body. However, regular, excessive and intense consumption of alcohol leaves an indelible mark on one’s appearance. Representatives of the fair sex are especially susceptible to this. Dehydration in women manifests itself more clearly and occurs much faster, which is associated with the characteristic features of female metabolism.
