Crisis of 7 years in a child: signs, advice for parents

If parents have already heard about such a phenomenon in a child’s life as the crisis of three years of age, then few know about the crisis of 7 years of age. Therefore, when a son or daughter of primary school age stops obeying, makes faces and is capricious, parents are lost and do not know how to react correctly. Some begin to use strict educational measures, others drag them to see a psychiatrist, believing that something is wrong with the child.

We invite parents to read this article and find out what a child’s 7-year-old crisis actually is.

Features of the psychology of a child aged 7 years

As the Soviet psychologist L. S. Vygotsky noted, the main feature of the transition period is the loss of childish naivety and predictability. The baby’s inner world becomes more complicated: he is not so open to people, analyzes reality, thinks before saying anything. Parents do not always understand the motives of his actions.

A preschooler becomes a schoolchild: he needs to choose a place in the class hierarchy, develop independence, and look for reliable support. Play ceases to be the main activity; study takes its place. A number of physiological changes are observed - in the body, facial features. The level of strength, endurance, and coordination increases.

The appearance of new friends also leaves an imprint: the search for like-minded people makes you think about your own life guidelines. The child separates a little from the family, compares it with others, criticizes the parents, even reproaches them for improper upbringing (“Mom, you’re rushing me, but you’re taking so long to get ready that we’re late!”)

How the crisis manifests itself

What metamorphoses occur with a child during a crisis? Main features:

the child ceases to be obedient, refuses to carry out small tasks at the last moment;
pretends not to hear when spoken to;
is ashamed of his previous hobbies, throws them away, breaks toys (“I’m not little anymore”);
worries about appearance, wants to look more mature;
keeps feelings to himself, is reluctant to consult with family members;
drawn to team games and interest groups;
understands the tricks of parents, does not tolerate injustice (“Why can you sit at the computer until late, but I can’t?”);
understands emotions, can clearly answer what his mood is and why;
declares the right to independence (you cannot simply declare “You must eat soup, we said so!” - this will cause a storm of indignation).

Defiant behavior, cunning, and secret hobbies appear. The child fantasizes less and strives more to understand the real essence of things. The craving for dolls and cars disappears.

Atypical childhood autism

In addition to Asperger's syndrome, autism spectrum disorders also include other variants: Kanner's syndrome, Geller's syndrome - this is the so-called atypical childhood autism. We begin to talk about atypical childhood autism when, against the background of autistic manifestations, some psychopathological phenomena begin to appear in a child, indicating to us the onset of some kind of mental illness. For example, he begins to have some hallucinations, or he becomes so detached from what is happening that he generally stops reacting to what is happening around him and “freezes” - this is the so-called catatonia syndrome. However, a complete picture of mental illness does not emerge. And these symptoms are ultimately reversible.

We must remember that early childhood autism and all autism spectrum disorders are a very ambiguous group in prognostic terms. In particular, there are options that have a fairly favorable prognosis; literally, all manifestations of autism completely disappear with age and appropriate treatment. At the other pole are those forms of childhood autism that, with age, unfortunately transform into current mental illnesses, more typical of adolescence or adulthood.

Crisis through the eyes of a child

The baby is good at distinguishing shades of emotions, but absolutely does not know how to control them. It turns out that the world has always been dangerous and contradictory, but mom and dad solved difficult issues. Now you have to rely on yourself.

During the 7-year crisis, children do a great job: they examine the structure of society from the inside, pay attention to their weaknesses, and regularly receive fresh information from their peers. This is a heavy burden on the psyche, which is aggravated by constant study.

Lack of free time, intellectual work, anxiety - the child realizes that the carefree time is over, he needs to grow up. He compares his achievements with the successes of his classmates, realizing that it is impossible to be a leader in all areas.

The school staff can be unfriendly. The first encounter with criticism, an atmosphere of competition, ridicule, and devaluation inevitably affects the student’s behavior. The task of parents is to support the child at all stages of growing up.

How long does the crisis period last?

The crisis of seven years, like other age-related crises, does not last very long - from six to nine months. If the course of the crisis was successful, then upon its completion the child becomes a mature “school personality”, who has a formed internal position and is aware of his social role.

It is noted that this crisis process, although “social,” also has physiological grounds. It is during this period that the frontal lobes of the cerebral cortex, which are responsible for the ability to plan, predict the outcome of actions, and control one’s behavior, actively develop. The processes of excitation and inhibition remain fluid, as a result of which the child exhibits restlessness and hyperactivity. The emotional state of the child is unstable (labile).

Causes of the 7 year crisis

This is a turning point in the graph of human development. Children learn to manage their desires and little by little set their life priorities.

A first grader asks the question: “Why do I need this? Why do I spend so much time and effort on studying?” The answer does not lie on the surface - children do not know how to make long-term plans. The words of adults in the spirit of “You will grow up, go to university, find a job” sound unconvincing.

A crisis of self-determination arises. For the first time, the child looks at his social self through the eyes of those around him. The future beckons and frightens at the same time, support disappears from under your feet - parents do not seem as ideal as in early childhood.

Symptoms

How to understand that a child is in a state of crisis?

In speech, the constructions “I am upset”, “I am sad”, “I am happy” appear. There is a noticeable tendency to describe feelings. The student is able to explain his current state: “I’m in a good mood because the teacher praised my work.”
Attention is directed to the results of creative, mental activity. Children aged 7 are sensitive to criticism and need encouragement. Without the evaluation of outsiders, they lose motivation faster.
The child changes his behavior depending on the situation: he formally responds to guests and teachers; peers - more cheeky.
Rebels, does not obey due to stubbornness (for example, does not wear a hat, even if it is cold outside). Lives with an eye on friends; elders cease to be an unquestioning authority.
Reminds me of a small teenager - he defends the right to personal space, swears.

Sometimes complaints about teachers are added. The kid is torn between “I want” and “I need.” I want to play, but I have to go to school. The new rules irritate the children, but adaptation occurs quite quickly.

Consequences

If parents help overcome the crisis period, the child will successfully overcome an important turning point, form new correct mental reactions, and acquire social skills and roles. This will help him:

to form a responsible attitude towards learning, a correct understanding and perception of the educational process;
gain new emotional skills;
realize your place in society, take the desired role among classmates;
find new hobbies and interests.

If parents suppress manifestations of social development and complicate the situation with improper behavior, conflicts or problems within the family, this can cause serious damage to the child’s psyche. The child can:

lose interest in studying;
take any criticism too seriously;
lower self-esteem;
develop complexes in yourself;
show aggression, cruelty;
withdraw into oneself, fail to adapt to the school team;
lose trust in parents, lose close connection with them.

It is important to remember that a crisis is a pattern that opens up new prospects for growth and development. The main task of adults is to help the child cope with a difficult situation, to show sensitivity, patience and attention. Only in this way will a newly graduated student be able to overcome all difficulties and make an important leap in mental growth.

Duration of the crisis

It's difficult to make an accurate forecast. The crisis in most cases coincides with entry into primary school - at the age of 6-7 years.

Then follows a time period of adaptation, depending on the nervous system and the level of preparation for school. Most children cope with the crisis within 1 year.

A crisis is not just about moving forward. Failures are inevitable. The child gets used to studying, suddenly a classmate begins to insult him, and persuasion is useless: the word “school” brings tears.

Little by little the situation is stabilizing: in order to gain valuable experience, you need to go through trials.

Characteristic age features

Role-playing games are replacing manipulative games. Parents become role models and transmitters of social norms. A preschooler’s knowledge of the world of relationships between people occurs through role-playing games and communication.

A play environment is a necessary component for the proper psycho-emotional development of a little person. During the game, the baby ceases to be afraid and gets rid of the effects of traumatic moments (for example, nightmares).

For a preschooler:

there is an active development of imagination;
visual thinking is being formed;
the formation of thinking with the help of concepts begins;
your own vision of the world is being rebuilt;
the motivational system changes;
there is greater freedom of behavior.

The basis of the new position is the child’s readiness for school. In addition, one should understand the degree of formation of the personality, its characteristic features, and prospects. The psychology of a 7-year-old child consists of the following factors:

The degree of pretentiousness shows how confident the child is in his abilities. The formation of this feeling occurs thanks to “ups” and “downs”. The more successful results a child gets, the more confident he is. The goal of parents is to encourage the child’s success and guide him in the right direction.
Perspective implies a goal in life. If a child, looking at adults, realizes that studying is important for achieving future success, he will have a positive attitude towards school. If a child does not understand the meaning of the educational process, he will resist learning with all his might.
The concept of one's own "I" contains 3 parts: evaluative, emotional and cognitive. A child of preschool age has almost no self-esteem; external criteria are the guideline. For his perception, such qualities as kindness and responsiveness are incomprehensible, but at the level of feelings he understands them. The cognitive part refers to the extent to which a child can describe himself. Emotions characterize the specificity of perception - a child at this age evaluates and remembers everything on an emotional level. Therefore, you can communicate with preschoolers through drawings.
The motivational and incentive hierarchy is formed by the age of 5–6 years. The baby is able to meaningfully perform actions, he can make choices, analyze the meaning of the action.

Advice from a psychologist for parents

Criticize the action, not the person. “You didn’t leave a single piece of candy for your sister, you greedy girl!” - incorrect. Try this: “It’s a pity that you forgot to share with others. We would be pleased."
Teach your child to discuss problems and take the situation into pieces. What happened, what emotions dominate? Such exercises will teach you to think consciously, observing from the outside.
Talk about everyday issues in a friendly tone, without pressure.
Don't repeat what was said. The child remembers very well that you asked to take out the trash. Every reminder makes him angry: it feels like his parents are deliberately mocking him and don’t understand him.
Surprise with unexpected facts. Don't feel like eating vegetables? Does the child know how vitamins affect the body? Tell us in detail, find a video with an explanation.
Include help around the house and extra classes after school in your schedule - idleness brings with it scandals and whims.
Rest. Monitor your child’s sleep hygiene: the brain works continuously and regularly requires a reboot.
Ask questions. Who did you manage to make friends with? What struck you the most? What are your plans for the next day?
Don't force your children to fulfill your youthful ambitions. Your child doesn't have to love counting if you dreamed of becoming a mathematician.
Feel like you've lost control? It would be wise to contact a school psychologist. Oddities, attacks of anger, increased aggressiveness are a reason for consultation.

The right to make your own decisions

A 7-year-old child is faced with various demands both at home and at school, which he must comply with impeccably. Reluctance to obey is the main reason for the negative manifestations of the crisis. In response to everything “must”, “need”, “do”, the baby says “I won’t”, “I won’t”, “I don’t want”.

When a child defends the right to make his own decisions, parents should use a trick:

Formulate demands and requests so that the child fulfills them voluntarily. You can call on your favorite comic book and cartoon character for help or tell instructive stories.
Appeal to the child’s existing experience instead of pressure from authority. Remind your child that he caught a cold when he wanted to take a walk without a hat in cool weather.
Teach your child to argue reasonedly instead of trying to suppress his opinion. This experience will give parents the opportunity to hear their child, and the child will have the opportunity to correctly refuse the demands of adults.
Communicate as equals. Don't demand, don't threaten, and make decisions for your child. Don't give him advice or direction until he asks for your opinion. Ask how long it will take to complete a certain task, and make sure that the child fits into the announced schedule.

As the child reaches the age of 7, he increasingly finds himself in situations in which he has never been before. He is attracted by the freedom of action and independence of his elders, so he tries his best to imitate them. The formation of the associative series “first class-responsibility-growing up” only adds fuel to the fire. The result is a crisis of transition and stress for parents.

The patience of adults and the expansion of the baby’s capabilities are the main helpers in overcoming this difficult stage of life.

What should parents not do?

For parents, the 7-year crisis is a test of strength. What actions should I avoid?

Watch out for the contradictions you broadcast. For example: “You are so big, but you still don’t know how to clean!” The child concludes: I’m already an adult, it’s time to fulfill my responsibilities. The next day he hears: “You can’t communicate with Misha, he behaves disgustingly. You’re still small, when you grow up you’ll understand.”

Dissonance arises: what am I? Where is the limit of what is permitted? Uncertainty creates stress; the child does not understand where to obey elders and where to show self-sufficiency.

A calm attitude towards what is happening will help. Children copy their parents throughout their lives, especially at the age of 7. Your mood affects your child. Don’t worry about school grades or minor comments from the teacher - focus on your child’s individual progress.

This is interesting

What should parents of a “crisis” child do? Turn off panic and turn on understanding. You know that the transition period cannot last a lifetime. Soon, instead of imitating adults, the child will make his own decisions based on the situation and his feelings. He will have his own opinion, passion and attitude towards everything around him.

Do not show concern in total control and increased demands. Give your child the opportunity to “breathe deeply.” The transition period called “crisis” will be facilitated by reconsidering the attitude towards the child and expanding the boundaries of his freedom. Explain to your child the importance of training attention and memory, but leave the duration of the sessions at his discretion. However, do not forget about careful instruction - the games “Submarines” and “Space” can captivate a student so much that he loses track of time.

Help your child finish his chores on time. He should go to bed at the same time in order to be able to restore strength for new achievements.

Possible risks

Unpreparedness for a new stage of life leads to the fact that the first grader asks to return to kindergarten - a safe, studied place with low demands, caring teachers and comfort.

Parents refuse, a vicious circle arises: discontent - rebellion - humility and passivity. The child misses his old life and lags behind in his studies. Social connections are weakening, the baby is not interested in the games of his classmates.

Negative experiences can be traumatic and deprive you of your desire to attend school. By letting the situation take its course, parents risk making the child downtrodden, insecure, and suffering from maladjustment.

Positive changes after the crisis

What will make parents happy after an anxious period?

You will understand what an interesting conversationalist a child becomes, you will find common hobbies, and you will be able to diversify your leisure time. The place of a helpless baby will be taken by a full-fledged family member with a unique view of the world.

With a positive end to the crisis, a thirst for knowledge, new experience, and a desire to help parents arise. School is not disgusting; teachers are perceived as wise mentors.

Open-minded thinking allows children to perceive life without stereotypes - this is a quality that adults have lost. The child will help you make a choice, eliminate cynicism, and broaden your horizons. To do this, you need to spend time together more often, be patient, and communicate productively.

Gender characteristics

Boys and girls experience the 7-year crisis differently. We invite you to consider the differences: they are determined by biological characteristics, upbringing traditions, and society’s expectations.

Crisis of 7 years in boys

Boys cannot sit still, run around, and have difficulty concentrating on school. It is important for them to appear better than others, to compete. It is useless to shout and call for discipline: children need to throw out energy. Sports that require speed and endurance are useful.

Help the boy organize his daily routine and establish the educational process. His attention jumps from subject to subject - at first he needs the help of an adult. Don't criticize for every mistake.

Crisis of 7 years in girls

An excellent student and the pride of the class, being alone with her parents can be unbearable. Little girls are weighed down by the burden of responsibilities: they need to study well, be neat, and obedient. While holding back at school, the child demonstrates aggression at home.

You should be sensitive and understanding with a girl. Both parents must show interest in her life. Take the time to have heart-to-heart conversations if your child needs them.

The crisis of 7 years is a blow to children's self-esteem. Encourage any endeavors, give love and warmth. Parental support is the foundation of a healthy, harmonious personality in the future.

Emotional Intelligence for Children

We introduce children to the types of emotions, how to manage them and how to express themselves in teamwork, through situational games,
find out more

Rules of engagement: what to do?

Basic rules to follow:

Don't raise your voice. The negative mood of parents should not affect their children.
Explain your requirements. A seven-year-old is quite capable of learning the rules, and he must understand what exactly they want from him, and not because mom or dad decided so.
Do not violate the established rules yourself and do not change those established for the child.
Do not limit communication with peers.
You can't compare with others.
If problems arise at school, you cannot ignore them, you must find a way to help.
Treats younger students like adults.

If the crisis and the child’s behavior get out of control, then it is better to contact a psychologist or ask for advice from an experienced teacher.

Parents should demonstrate in every possible way their love and respect for the personality of the growing person . However, this does not mean that you need to indulge his every whim and fulfill every desire. The growing person must understand that there are limitations, but they must be given an explanation as to why.

A seven-year-old is already at a fairly conscious age and is able to learn many rules and follow them.

A daily routine is good and correct, but there should be time for rest. On weekends, you should be given the opportunity to relax, engage in your favorite activity, and rest.

Children get very tired of the educational process, especially in the first months of attending school, when they are getting used to new rules, routines, and more active activities - mental and physical. Overwork leads to aggression , refusal to learn, and to follow established rules.

When accepted rules are devalued

When the rules are devalued, the child is often rude, stubborn, argues over any issue, and breaks toys.
The parents’ task is to firmly and calmly insist on compliance with the rules and explain that it is unacceptable to be rude to adults and children. You can tell your child that he is now an adult, so he must behave accordingly.

The example of close relatives is of great importance - the child learns behavior from adults. At the same time, it is necessary to increase self-esteem, not to punish, but to suggest how to behave better and more correctly.

If you want to imitate adults

The natural desire of a growing person is to behave like an adult. We must encourage positive aspects : the desire to work and study. The desire to be like an adult fosters willpower, courage, and independence. Parents should stop treating their junior schoolchildren like a toddler, otherwise this will cause even more resistance.

You consider yourself an adult, which means you must follow certain rules. Mom and dad work, your job is studying.

When striving for independence

Support the child in his desire to develop, explore the world, become more independent, give simple tasks that he is able to complete. The development of independence at this age is necessary so that the child can confidently and actively navigate the world around him and solve current problems and tasks himself without relying on adults.