The relationship between a boss and a subordinate

How to build a relationship with a subordinate - an example

Let's say I want to build a relationship with a specific subordinate. And let’s say I don’t know anything about him, since I don’t like the person very much. And in general, I don’t enter into any contact with him, I simply ignore him like an empty place. It is not right. Then you need to think about how to approach the person. How to approach? Well, sometimes invite him to some conversation. Say: “Well, don’t be surprised, but we’ll talk about personal things. To my shame, I don’t know anything about you. I would like to get to know each other better, don’t be surprised.”

Well, perhaps this will surprise a person and make him wary, but this is a step forward. If you are friendly, don’t pry into your soul with dirty shoes, but nevertheless somehow ask around, take an interest. Well, perhaps the person will be pleasantly surprised, perhaps at first just surprised. But if he sees that you have really changed your behavior pattern, are not rushing to him with hugs, but are simply trying to show attention to him, I assure you, as a rule, this will be interesting to everyone.

Deadly Mistake #4: Being Too Soft

The boss must be able to punish and have mercy. A mumbler who cannot punish an erring employee is a bad leader. This is part of the job: punish violators, fine them and deprive them of bonuses. Unfortunately, there is nowhere without negative motivation. Otherwise, the effect will be the same as in the previous paragraph: the team will relax and begin to work worse. This is part of educational work - just like with children.

Moreover, you cannot be soft-hearted with counterparties, the bank, the landlord , etc. One of the main qualities of a tough top manager is the ability to conduct tough business negotiations without compromising the interests of the company. Bargain for a rent reduction until the last minute. Extort discounts from suppliers and don't agree to base prices. Fine contractors if they mess up.

If a subordinate does not comply with subordination - what to do?

If a subordinate does not respect the chain of command, you think about what to do. Do you think where you contact? How do you communicate? What don't you like? And then you clearly see which elements need to be changed or stopped.

At the same time, you can call the employee again and simply talk to him: “You know, I would like you to exclude such and such moments . It takes a certain amount of courage. He may or may not listen. Can you tell me what's wrong with you? And you can say: “Nothing, I just decided that it would be right.”

Here's an important point:

The boss can explain his decision, but is not obliged to.

The boss is not required to prove his decision. Because the prover is weak.

That is, he can explain his decision, and by explaining your decision, you are actually taking a step forward. You rely on a person's intelligence when explaining a decision.

But often the explanation is perceived as dependence, there are people who immediately decide that since you explain your decision to me, it means that I have the opportunity to influence it, or somehow challenge its validity.

And here the leader, entering into this conversation, must be extremely sensitive. To the point where the line may be crossed.

What might this look like?

Let's say we are having some kind of dialogue. And I tell my subordinate:

“You know, I analyzed our relationship with you, and I wouldn’t want you to do this, that, and that. Because it seems to me that this is insubordination. This interferes with the managerial climate and equality in our department. Therefore, I would ask you, simply as a friend, or as a good acquaintance, to meet me halfway, understand me, and in the future to maintain subordination.”

Relatively speaking, if an employee joyfully flies in and shouts: “Hello Sanya!”

And since he alone shouts: “Hello Sanya!”, and the rest say Alexander Petrovich. Either allow everyone or...

Another example of formatting relationships with employees:

Sometimes older workers, trying to seem to reduce our importance, address us by a shortened name. Relatively speaking, Sasha or Sashenka, that is, it’s a little patronizing.

You need to be sensitive to these things, and always think whether this attitude suits you. Because sometimes such a little teaching begins with the reduction of the name. So, it seems to be benevolent, well, Van... And it seems to be in an amicable way, and it seems that he already has the right to teach.

And a leader, when he encounters this kind of thing, should, noting this, always note how you are treated, and whether it is the way you want. And it is not necessary to react to this, he can decide for himself what to react to and what not to. Because if we think it’s wrong, that it’s insubordination, we can ask the person to address you by such and such a name.

For example: “It would be more convenient for me if you called me not Sasha, but Alexander . If you don’t mind,” says the manager.

Or, on the contrary, you can address another person in the same way. Which, as a rule, he doesn’t count on.

For example, he says:

-Well, Sashenka, you know, I would advise you this and that.

And you can answer:

- Thank you Petenka, thank you for the advice. But you know, I would prefer to act in a slightly different manner. But if Petenka you have any advice, please, I’m always glad to hear from you.

And at the door you can call out:

- Yes, Petyunya, what do you have scheduled for tomorrow at 8 am?

That is, we kind of flogged a person with his own whip. He was hoping to talk to us from above...

Well, what if a person accepted this appeal? Then we can again decide what to do. Maintain the same relationship or fix it. And for example, the person did not flinch, but happily accepted it, but this does not suit us. Then we can go to him the next day and say:

“You know, yesterday we switched to diminutive names, I analyzed it and thought that this is not the best form. Come on, if you don’t mind Peter, we will still address you by your full name. Fine? So, you are Peter, and I am Alexander. Can we consider that we have reached an agreement?

briefly about the main thing

Such advice on how to communicate correctly with subordinates is given by practitioners and professionals in their field. Remember, assimilate and implement in your team so that your company becomes more successful and relationships in the team become stronger. Finally, a few main mistakes in a leader’s behavior (to remember exactly what NOT to do):

Don’t delegate because it’s faster to do it yourself;
Do not strengthen your team - do not engage in training;
Do not develop yourself;
Forget about the reward system;
Do not trust subordinates and control every step;
Select favorites;
Be afraid to fire when you definitely need to;
Totalitarian management;
Forget about the mission and strategy;
Turn off common sense.

On the topic: Personnel motivation: working methods (TOP-10) Non-material motivation of personnel: 15 ways

What does it mean to maintain subordination if the subordinate is a friend?

What does it mean to maintain subordination if you have friendly relations with your subordinate? The expression that there is more demand from our own does not mean that we ask more from them. We just expect them to behave more ethically. It is precisely the ethics that he is allowed closer, which means he must be especially careful so as not to betray trust.

The Chinese have a saying: “Never tie your shoelaces in your neighbor’s garden,” so that he doesn’t think that you are stealing his harvest. The idea of this saying is that there is no need to do things that could be perceived by someone as wrong.

Sometimes external ethics are no less significant than the absence of evil intentions...

This means that if I am in a close relationship with a leader, then I should not demonstrate this closeness in front of everyone , because this is a violation of subordination.

That is, if I have a close relationship with the manager, then, on the contrary, I must observe more decor than everyone else. And so that the leader himself does not feel a sense of awkwardness, it seems that it is inconvenient to explain, but not explaining is also bad. And so that others do not decide that the leader has some kind of double standards. This is the important point, “don’t tie your shoelaces in your neighbor’s garden.”

If one of two friends gets a promotion, he shouldn't create more distance. This is stupid, like now address me like this. But, on the other hand, he must avoid what was still possible yesterday, but did not cause difficulties, because they were equal.

And now he must maintain the same relationships in public as with others. In public, attitudes must change . So calm and neat, at least without any visible accents that show that our relationship with two people is different. Because it breeds some kind of resentment, suspicion, etc.

During non-working hours, as much as you like.

The next point is demandingness. If friendship with a subordinate interferes with being demanding, the manager should distance the friendship.

Deadly Mistake #5: Not Following New Trends

“We’ve always done it this way” is the worst thing a manager can say. Continuous and rapid development is the key to the success of modern business. New trends and tendencies appear almost every day. Those who keep their nose to the wind and introduce innovations in a timely manner gain a competitive advantage.

Therefore, the manager must train himself and develop his employees . Immediately implement all new work methods. Or at least try. It’s better to do it and regret it than not to do it and regret it. I tried one thing, it didn’t work, let’s try something else. If we don't wash it, we'll just ride it. And if you work the old fashioned way and don’t develop, sooner or later your competitors will overtake you. And sooner rather than later.

Example

Internet marketing is now in fashion - promoting goods and services through the World Wide Web. Any company should have its own website, groups on social networks, channels in instant messengers. But even this is not enough. Special agencies must maintain and promote these resources, otherwise they will be so far in the search results that the user simply will not find them. So, if you don’t follow this trend, you can forget about success in business .

Insubordination - what to do, example

Very often it may turn out that a subordinate, in response to the manager’s claims of insubordination, will behave something like this:

“Oh, come on, stop worrying about it, it’s all nonsense...”

Or something like that.

And here we must say loudly and clearly: “STOP!”

You can interrupt it. By the way, “Managerial Struggle” involves using some techniques of black rhetoric . This constructive dialogue involves listening to the other person. And here you can interrupt and confirm this non-verbally. For example: sharply throw your hand forward, and at the same time raise it at eye level of the subordinate. Say loudly: “STOP!” And it shuts anyone up.

But I didn’t hit him, I didn’t insult him, I wasn’t rude. It's just a combination of verbal and non-verbal. Reducing the distance, raising your hand, and clearly the word: “STOP!” Check it out if you want to shut up someone you don’t mind. Check out this move. This is a well-tested technique. When you hit a nail placed in a tree accurately with a hammer, the nail goes into the tree, and this is quite natural. This technique works because it combines several things.

Or like this: “Stop, wait!” - raised a finger. And say something like this: “Wait a second, before you go too far, I want to say this. I think you got the impression that I was asking you for advice. You made a mistake. I tell you about my decision and explain what caused it, but I don’t ask your opinion. And I am not yet interested in your advice in this direction. So, I asked you to address me in such and such a way. Agreed?"

That is, as soon as the subordinate decided that gentle treatment, an explanation, is a sign of weakness. So for some reason he subconsciously decided, we immediately switched to a language understandable to our opponent, and explained to him that he was mistaken. That our gentleness and correctness are just a form of communication between two civilized people.

But it comes from “strength”, not from “weakness”. That is, why should we rattle weapons? Intimidate someone? We are polite, well-mannered people who, nevertheless, remembering the classic: “Goodness must come with fists ,” we are quite capable of defending ourselves.

And if the subordinate decided that a soft approach, polite, that this was from “weakness,” then we immediately showed that he was very mistaken. And this is just out of respect for another human being, but nothing more.

And we, taking a step forward, taking into account our personal relationships, explained our decision. Moreover, we turned to the person with a request to understand us correctly and meet us halfway. But if a person decides that we are asking him or are going to consult, or we are interested in his enlightened opinion: “Give it up, don’t give it up.” He misunderstood us, but having done this technique, we must maintain the same relationship, except for this moment.

That is, we should not now, when passing by him, look menacingly like: “Here, you got a filthy creature, just like that, you’ll know!” We should not distance ourselves , we should not avoid communication, but on the contrary, we can immediately approach a person on some issue and say: “Let’s go have some coffee!”

This has been used many times, and often a person looks in surprise, and we say: “Listen, I wanted to...”, that is, a normal conversation. If the subordinate does not violate subordination, and we behave absolutely normally with him. In the right hemisphere of most people, such a thing is not installed automatically; it must be installed through the left. That is, these must first be conscious actions. Such habits must be introduced into the hemisphere responsible for habits.

The fact is that our security center already scans the world around us, but unfortunately, it gives us a command to react spontaneously, which is wrong. And we actually must learn to constantly monitor the surrounding space, but this time consciously. We must evaluate other people's behavior patterns. Are they behaving correctly? Is there something in their behavior that then breeds optionality? Some destructive actions have a bad effect on work.

Because everything often begins with form, remember: “Being determines consciousness.” An employee’s attitude to work, to certain issues, is often determined by the form of relationship with the manager.

If the leader is “Petyunechka” or “Sasha”, then why bother? Why come to work on time? In principle, he is not a criminal, he works, he works well. But he thinks that he can be allowed some “little slack” from his point of view. He thinks so, we don’t think so.

And you can start with any form. That is, the leader must rebuild the surrounding space along any vector he considers necessary. Because if space breaks through in one place, it then breaks through in others. It rarely happens that a line goes in one direction, but otherwise everything is fine.

That is, it rarely happens that a leader is called “Petenka” or “Sasha,” and this does not in any way affect other aspects, for example, the accuracy of the execution of orders or deadlines. And precisely where the question arises: “should I run after the trolleybus,” a person may not run.

In fact, there are more effective methods for building relationships between people, and life in general; their principles are described in this article.

Deadly Mistake #7 – Fear of Responsibility

Making decisions and taking responsibility is the direct responsibility of any boss. This employee can nod his head at the boss and say that he ordered it to be done this way. And often managers are afraid of responsibility. This leads to sad consequences:

the resolution of the issue is delayed;
senior management begins to doubt your competence;
employees stop contacting us about work issues. It makes no sense if the boss takes a week to think about it.

To confidently make the right decisions, you need to be a professional. Why do doubts arise? Usually from ignorance. Do you see how mistakes and their consequences are intertwined? Learn, be a competent professional - and the most difficult decisions will be easy. And responsibility will only come in the form of bonuses and satisfaction.

What to watch out for

What are the consequences of non-compliance with subordination at work? All manifestations of familiar relations with management, failure to follow his instructions, and incorrect criticism, one way or another, affect the business foundations of the enterprise and significantly reduce the authority of management. As consequences in such corporations, one can observe rampant disciplinary measures in the form of reprimands, comments, deprivation of bonuses, etc. Well, the extreme measure of retribution for errors against subordination is dismissal.

Is the boss always right?

But, of course, moderation is good in everything. Many modern managers suffer from just the opposite qualities - they do not hesitate to behave arrogantly or treat subordinates with undisguised contempt. Of course, all these extremes do not contribute to improving the working environment.

An overly authoritarian leadership style is accompanied by a reduced level of employee initiative. When only a constant stream of commands, instructions and orders comes from superiors, subordinates automatically cease to be interested in the essence of the production process and are focused only on blind (sometimes formal) execution of instructions. If emergency situations arise, one cannot expect responsibility from them, nor can one expect a correct decision that is not supported by an order from management.

A flexible style of interaction with subordinates is much more productive. The manager may well allow himself some deviations from the rules in situations where listening to an independent point of view is required. It is precisely in this case that meetings and brainstorming sessions are held, when a decision is made through joint efforts, and a plan for further operations is optimally worked out.

Record everything!

Not every person holding a managerial position understands the ethics of a manager and a subordinate. To make it easier to navigate this issue, an enterprise usually implements a code of ethics (EC), which regulates the main features of mutual work and behavior of people. Using the provisions of such a document, any person can behave correctly and correctly. Compliance with the code allows you to eliminate important mistakes that can reduce the performance of the enterprise as a whole.

The ethics of the manager and subordinate are based on corporate standards. These are considered the foundation for the formation of an enterprise’s reputation; they are used as a starting point when positioning themselves in the market, and are oriented when creating a brand. At the same time, the EC defines principles, work rules, and standards of conduct. It strengthens the image of the enterprise, makes management work more effective, and simplifies the orientation of employees in difficult situations. The adoption of a code helps reduce dangers, the likelihood of violations, improves corporate culture and increases the overall performance of the company. Through the code, you can make the team loyal.

My own example. Like a leader, like his subordinates

These words can often be heard from employees. Indeed, if the boss works carelessly, spends a lot of time in the smoking room and is late for work, then why should his employees behave differently? The team subtly senses the manager’s attitude towards work and, observing the lack of motivation and desire for work on his part, quickly loses interest in the common cause. Managing such employees becomes much more difficult: when the “fuse” is gone, only one type of motivation remains - material, which cannot always keep employees in the company. As soon as a disappointed employee is offered a higher salary in another company, he will leave without hesitation.

In a work team, the personality of the leader with whom you work is important. We want to see a specialist who will help us discover new professional dimensions, move to a new career level, and give valuable guidance. At the same time, the psychological component is also important to us - we want mutual understanding, tactful attitude and an individual approach to our person.

Thus, in daily work, every manager must understand that dozens and hundreds of eyes are looking at him, who want to see him as a role model. And to do this, it is not at all necessary to come to work earlier than your subordinates or quit smoking - it is much more important to show a professional attitude towards your responsibilities, improve your own qualifications, train employees, devote a lot of time to motivating staff, and build a comfortable climate within the team. You should not demand from your subordinates to comply with conditions that you yourself will violate every day - the golden rule of a successful manager. All that remains is to follow it faithfully.

Use eye contact

To communicate correctly with subordinates, there is one very important aspect. This is eye contact. Everyone says you need to look into your eyes. And if a person does not look into the eyes, then he is afraid of something , and so on. But how do we actually treat our eyes? The fact is that most people are not used to eye contact, and there is a clear reason for this.

The fact is that when we meet someone's eyes, we can really understand everything about the person. The eyes are the mirror of the soul, they reveal the personality . But at the same time, when we learn something about a person, we discover ourselves. This is a two-way bridge.

From a security point of view, it is not very interesting to expose yourself to people you meet. Therefore, subconsciously, as a rule, normal people avoid eye contact. It is socially acceptable when we look somewhere into the square of our face. Or the eyes meet briefly. Contact requires approximately two seconds.

Most people don't make eye contact; they only have it for a split second. And this is enough for a social norm. But this is not enough for leadership. To influence subordinates, that is, to influence for some purpose, eye contact must be more stable, about 2 seconds. As they say, there is such a term - to look into the soul . And this also needs to be trained.

Most managers are not interested in this topic. Moreover, it is not enough to “put a glance into the soul”, you need to put it with the right intonation. And since social contact is much less than leadership contact, leadership contact must be worked out and practice making eye contact with other people.

So that at the moment of influencing subordinates, the gaze has already been worked out. So that we are no longer afraid of this eye contact, and we do it consciously. Consciously meeting your eyes means giving commands: “Meet your eyes.” Otherwise, leadership will not work; leadership is impossible without eye contact.

How should this contact be made? How to put the right content into your gaze? In fact, you can control your gaze and specifically convey the communication you want, both positive and negative.

Code: features

In the history of our world there are many examples of the use of ethical codes that regulated the work of managerial positions. As is known from history, one of the first documents devoted to this problem was created in 24 in America. It was dedicated to employees of local government structures and was revised at least five times. Currently, management ethics codes typically include provisions related to financial interests. In particular, personal funds cannot conflict with service obligations, and income must be consistent with professional affiliation. Ethics presupposes performing only lawful actions and strictly following the provisions of federal and local laws. The head of an enterprise is a person who must take a particularly responsible approach to the problem of legality.

Most ECs contain a requirement to keep business information strictly confidential from anyone who does not have access to it due to their official position. But personal financial investments should be extremely transparent. This applies not only to the leader, but also to his close relatives.

Why is it important?

The importance of ethics in the relationship between a manager and staff cannot be underestimated. If a certain person lived on a secluded island in splendid isolation, for him the ethics of his actions would be relatively unimportant (with the exception of an ethical attitude towards the environment). When it comes to interaction in society, correct attitude and adherence to etiquette towards colleagues is the key to successful and effective work. Ethics is a set of rules by which colleagues coexist effectively and comfortably within the workplace. A universal ethical rule, learned in childhood, prohibits behaving with others in a way that you would not want to feel towards yourself. If a person ignores ethical standards, he acquires a negative image that greatly affects his life. An image is formed, which is primary when other people evaluate the personality. While this may be relatively unimportant for line personnel working in lower positions of the hierarchical level, the manager cannot afford such an oversight.

A leader's business ethics helps a person build a good reputation. If your reputation has suffered due to any previous mistakes or failures, following etiquette will help stabilize your image in the eyes of the public and improve your position. According to many, ethics is one of the strongest tools for team management. Ethical norms, laws of coexistence - all this keeps the society in which we live in balance.

Winning by recognition or losing by rejection?

When a new leader comes to the team, there are two options for the development of events: the team will either accept him or reject him. At the same time, the vector of movement will be clear in the next 2-3 months, depending on the level of responsibility of the manager and the number of staff. Many managers begin their work by forming a new staff of employees - they recruit new ones or come immediately with their team. This is connected not so much with the manager’s fear of not settling into the new team, but with the need to quickly complete the tasks assigned to him. Very rarely does the previous manager leave a legacy in the form of a professional and cohesive team, ready to begin solving complex business problems, which will also share the management style of the new manager. However, a professional manager will not cut corners and will definitely conduct a certification of the current team, try to find a common language with strong employees, and motivate them to continue working in the company under his leadership. This process is mutual and painful for both parties. There have been cases when employees themselves “ran away” from the new manager, abandoning attempts to find a common language. To avoid unnecessary sacrifices, the company and the manager must carefully assess the situation, understand how their views on business methods and corporate culture coincide, otherwise an attempt to improve the efficiency of a particular department by attracting a new manager can lead to long-term problems at all levels of management.

In-kind exchange: who in startups should be motivated by money, and who by interesting tasks

Communication Rules

Ask your colleagues how the work is going and what the specific results are.
Create close supervisor-subordinate interaction in each department.
At operational meetings, not only talk about specific work issues, but also find out what is important to colleagues, what prevents them from progressing, and what problems exist.
All instructions must be expressed clearly and clearly.
Write down specific job descriptions, which, in addition to duties, indicate approximate deadlines for completing work, responsibilities, and possible remuneration. Motivation grows in proportion to the increase in specificity.
Ask your colleagues to create a “bank of production ideas.” Creative people will appreciate you, and sometimes unpromising, strange ideas carry useful grain.
Career is an important motivational motive. To grow, you need to gain knowledge and experience. “Turn on” motivation with education and knowledge acquisition, retraining, and advanced training.
Sometimes it’s worth unexpectedly inviting a colleague to take a break, giving him an unscheduled vacation, or shortening his working hours. If you see that a person has overworked or implemented a serious project.
Don't forget about financial incentives. Even a small reward in public increases self-esteem and motivates the employee.

Rules for an Effective Meeting

Any production meeting or interaction between manager and subordinate must be effective. To do this, you need to know how to carry it out correctly.

Preparing for a business meeting (meeting)

the following are determined: agenda, topic, goals, objectives;
duration is set;
the date and time of the event, the composition of representatives from the departments are agreed upon;
regulations are prescribed.
information is being collected;
analytical processing of material;
coordination of the work of departments and responsible persons;
decision-making.

Participants are notified via a system generally accepted at the enterprise (e-mail, fax, memo), but not by a call from the reception (only in case of an operational meeting or emergency).

The notice indicates: agenda, meeting time, duration, meeting participants are listed, regulatory documents and a list of required documents/certificates/reports from each representative are indicated.

A well-prepared meeting allows you to avoid conflict situations.

Common mistakes made by managers

there is no central topic, the goals of the meeting are vague;
the essence of the problem for discussion is not explained;
there are several voluminous issues of different content on the agenda;
a large number of people are invited, some of whom are “not in the know”;
discussion of spontaneously “emerging” issues;
during the negotiations, “left” telephone conversations are conducted;
distractions (receiving long-awaited visitors or signing papers);
Regulations are not followed; those who are late are waited for.

It is important

It is necessary to correctly place people at the table in order to withstand subordination moments. Prepare cards with the names and positions of the participants.

We need comfortable conditions for business communication that exclude external stimuli. The meeting room should be: ventilated; bright and spacious; with a laconic design; with soundproofing and comfortable furniture; screen, projector, Internet access, intercom. Water and glasses are placed on the tables. Everyone should have notepads, pens, a printout of the agenda and list of invitees.

There are psychological mistakes of the leader, which then lead to unnecessary debates and a negative attitude among those present:

the importance of the topic/problem and the fact that the issue needs to be resolved within a specific period of time with the participation of those who have gathered are not indicated;
the positive attitude of the participants was not set;
during the meeting, not everyone expresses an opinion;
the manager does not stop those who “pour water” and exceed the regulations;
the point of view of the speakers is not specified;
lack of argumentation;
no intermediate results are provided;
unreasoned criticism is not suppressed.

All this can lead to “raising the temperature” in discussions. A well-timed joke, an unexpected sound of a horn, or another lightening moment will make you smile. If the result is a decision not in favor of the group, then these participants should be thanked for the fact that their opinions and arguments helped in finding the right decision.

This is interesting

It is believed that the optimal duration of such meetings is from 30 to 60 minutes.

The results of the meeting are announced to all participants and sent to them by e-mail; if necessary, they are sent to departments in printed form within 24-48 hours.

Deadly mistake No. 9 - carelessness

It can be described like this: delegated, delegated, and re-delegated. You can get so carried away by the distribution of powers that you stop working altogether. Unfortunately, a director who puts everything on his deputies and appears in the office for an hour after lunch is not an isolated phenomenon.

In general, the main thing here is to feel the edge. On the one hand, for an ideal boss, everything works with his direct participation. On the other hand, you always need to keep your finger on the pulse: know how things are going, make key decisions, plan the main directions of development.

It is also important to take part in the informal life of the team. Don’t stay away from New Year’s corporate parties and outings; attend the performances of your sports team, if you have one. In short, don’t ignore the movement outside the office.

Learn to instill fear in your subordinates

And sometimes, on the contrary, you need to instill fear in your subordinates. And therefore it is necessary to record a negative video. The negative video is recorded in exactly the same way and, if necessary, supplemented with a visual image.

These techniques are very powerful and must be handled very carefully. This is one of the techniques of psychological self-defense, they work powerfully and scary!

With just one glance, you can push a person into a corner instantly.

So be careful with these videos, with the recordings, because then a reflex will begin.

The video can be recorded at any degree of hardness. This could be some phrase that suits you, which you want to transfer into space. If you want to make a very harsh phrase, you can supplement it with a visual image.

That is, if you want to cut it very seriously, then the visual image could be, for example, like this: “The character is lying on the floor, holding his torn throat .” And if we start broadcasting this image, then the character will be “chilled to the liver.” Because the look is quite material.

It’s not for nothing that they say a talking look, it’s clear that he says what he wants to say. Therefore, you can draw yourself videos of varying degrees of severity, varying degrees of rigidity. You can strengthen them visually, the main thing is not to get carried away with it. But sometimes it is very important to be able to strike with your gaze, and strike powerfully .

Imagine that you want to say something to a person so that he understands it, find this phrase for yourself, write it down. Each of us has our own vocabulary of linguistic influences, our own vocabulary. Think about what you want to explain to the person. Maybe we want to explain to the person: “Poor guy, you got hit hard.” Naturally, you can record a video in relation to a management situation. Maybe: “I’m very unhappy with you.”

This sentence should be short, it should not be a five paragraph story. A short phrase of 4-5 words maximum is enough. Which are so, very cast. They hit the target. To do this you need to practice and pronounce it. And then record, burn this video for yourself.

This phrase must be ready-made, that is, at the moment when we want to say something with our eyes, precisely with our eyes, there is no time to write something. There you need to immediately establish eye contact, turn on the broadcast, off you go... You need to be able to do all this in a split second, so the videos must be recorded.

Practice negative videos on those you don’t feel sorry for, preferably not on those at home. Because what comes to mind is to come home and warm up there. Take care of your own , less of your own, more of strangers, and nothing connects you with them. It will take some time while you learn.

In addition, our people feel quite keenly any aspects of our behavior, and any changes will be immediately noticeable. And at best, they will ask you what happened to you? And in the worst case, they will also comment. Therefore, why do we need it, there are plenty of people around whom we can calmly warm up.

Use the attention technique

Sometimes you need to find an approach to a subordinate, for example, to obtain information. The best position for such social contact, which is actually endearing, is attention.

Ideas about love and friendship are very wrong; not everyone deserves it. But it turns out that the emotion of attention can be evoked towards anything, even a red cockroach.

Looking at it carefully does not oblige you to anything. Attention is a completely unique emotion, it is absolutely neutral, the so-called transitional. You can look at a person carefully and kiss him, or you can look at him and hit him. That is, it does not oblige you to anything.

But your subordinate perceives attention as a positive factor. Because man is accustomed to consider himself the crown of creation, and the navel of the earth. And your attention is strengthening his ego . Which, in general, is good for us, let him think that it is so. Why we do this is our question. But if a subordinate wants to think that we boost his ego, let him think so.

On the other hand, in order to obtain information, a manager sometimes needs to ask such neutral, informational questions. And this is done through attention. In fact, any leadership communication happens here and now, this second, every moment. emotional state in our contact partner .

And if we need a subordinate to give us information and not be afraid, then we turn on the attention video. That is, we give ourselves the command to look carefully at the person, to pay close attention to his information. This is such a situational team. She does not expect this behavior for a year or two.

It assumes here and now, we want the person to tell us something. Therefore, for example, we tell him: “You know, please tell me what happened, this is very important to me, and I would like to understand you .” Attention and gentle questions make the subordinate want to open up.

However, this does not oblige us to anything. This does not mean that we now believe the person, this does not mean that we will forgive him, this does not mean that we will reward him, this does not mean anything at all. Now is the mode of obtaining information. And what we will do with this information and with this subordinate then is the next question.

Situational leadership is the ability to behave at every moment in the way I need. I am in control of the situation, now I want information. Attention, neutral-positive, attention does not oblige you to anything. And the phrase “to understand means to forgive” does not quite fit here.

First you need to get information, without preconceptions. Because it is frightening, it is not conducive to obtaining information. And it limits us from making the right management decisions. A biased approach to a matter narrows the range of correct management decisions.

By receiving information, we do not lose anything. We get the opportunity to resolve the situation more objectively, which is very important for a leader. To respond correctly to a situation, you first need to understand it, and then react .

Any preconceived opinion, firstly, alarms the interlocutor, that is, we immediately go for confrontation where it is not necessary. And secondly, it deprives us of the opportunity to make the optimal decision. Therefore, the first emotion is attention, which must be learned.

And first, a leader in his behavior with subordinates simply needs to train his eyes. Get used to not being afraid of eye contact. Feel eye contact. There is nothing frightening about this, there is simply a certain state of information exchange.

Second training, learn to pay attention, as if to offer attention to a person. I look carefully at this person, he is here and now, he is the most important for me at this second. Not in life, not forever, but here and now. And therefore, I recommend that a person who wants to learn how to work with their eyes keep 3-4 of these emotional videos.

The first video is attention. This is an internal command: “I look carefully at this person, here and now he is the most important to me. Attention, attention...” We need one positive video, at a minimum, and we need one negative video, at a minimum. You can diversify, but I don’t recommend recording more than five videos, you’ll get confused. And you need to keep emotional videos on your quick button.

How to record a positive video? It’s as if there is some kind of disk inside you, and on it you burn some kind of record, and if necessary, you run this record through your eyes. The eye is a transmitter. You put in the desired disc and the broadcast starts.

Now we need a video of positive emotions. The video is recorded like this: you practice for yourself some short motivating phrase that is easy for you to pronounce. It is very important not to learn someone else’s style; the phrase should be your own.

The words should flow organically, they are your words. This video is a kind of greeting phrase that you would say to a person who came to you. Well, for example: “Hello, I’m glad to see you.” Or if you remember the cartoon: “38 Parrots” - a boa constrictor lying in the sun, and the phrase: “Hello, monkey . We can write down any phrase, as long as it rolls off the tongue easily and puts us in the right mood. So I said this phrase, and you smiled.