How to date a girl? 10 main rules

Author of the material:

Svetlana Smyshlyak

philologist, writer, lyric poet

She said yes, the new couple was successfully created. Sounds like a completed mission in a computer game. However, in virtuality, after the phrase “mission completed,” the player can turn off the toy. But in life it’s not like that – you can’t pause or save progress. Completely relax too. How to behave correctly in a relationship? How to date a girl so that she remains satisfied? What to avoid without forgetting about yourself?

Show leadership qualities.

What does true leadership look like? In the phrase “I said!”, hitting the table with your fist and a majestic expression on your face? Hardly, more like despotism and tyranny. Then what is the answer?

Being a leader = taking responsibility. For safety, for reputation, for feelings. Girls love it when their man:

does not tolerate self-pity. Not to be confused with sympathy. “I was tired from doing nothing” and “I was tired because I worked hard” are different things;
does not allow himself to whine or be capricious in serious situations. If a guy sleepily mutters “morning, you’re so scary” to his alarm clock, but still gets up for work, that’s cute. If he refuses to help carry heavy bags of groceries because “it’s morning,” that’s whining;
solves problems on his own and can even help his partner. Within adequate limits. If it’s not the first time she’s had too much alcohol and crashed someone’s car, it’s better to think about whether such a person is needed at all;
performs male duties around the house or troubleshoots problems in other effective ways. A professional plumber, electrician, gardener, builder, painter rolled into one is either a utopia or an actor in “18+” films. Therefore, if sockets spark in the house, and the young man does not understand them, he has every right to solve the problem differently - call a specialist;
demonstrates determination and confidence. Flood, fire, bankruptcy, bandits or a spider on the wall - girls want to know that their chosen one will not stand aside, but will show heroism by taking action.

Rules for confident behavior

The young man must take full responsibility for what is happening. You should focus on your own positive experience in order to make the right impression and be able to arouse sympathy for yourself. There are several rules to take into account. If you try to follow them, you can easily improve your personal life, find happiness and joy.

Meaningful statements. Girls love to speak in riddles. While relationships are just forming, it is necessary to constantly stir up interest in each other. Some things need to be said carefully veiled. Direct phrases are sometimes frightening and create unnecessary tension. Instead of joy, disappointment appears.
Attractive stories. Girls love to listen to interesting things. They find them funny and interesting, while guys may give them a wide berth. It is not necessary to share only purely personal experiences. Take stories from books you read, borrow stories told by friends. Strive to speak more, and in metaphorical language, with many beautiful speech patterns. This technique will make the right impression.
Demonstrate ease, sincerity, openness, and a desire to communicate. The more a young man tries to please, the more stable the result will be. You need to be easy-going, show cheerfulness, and embark on funny adventures. Don't be afraid to experiment and create an intoxicating mood.

To start dating a girl, you need to take the initiative. You will have to try, but then you will gain self-confidence and a pleasant result. Representatives of the fairer sex expect attention, affection, gifts, kind attitude and respect. If a guy understands these needs, he will not remain lonely.

Show intelligence.

More and more girls are beginning to admit that the most attractive part of a man is his brain. Which, in principle, explains female sexual violence against this organ.

To demonstrate intellectual abilities, it is not necessary to learn abstruse words or read textbooks on nuclear physics and Uzbek cattle breeding of the 18th century. Enough:

deepen knowledge in areas of interest;
improve speech , its coherence, the ability to explain clearly and clearly;
increase resourcefulness , ingenuity (logical riddles, puzzles, charades);
expand your horizons , learn new things (books, crosswords, films);
communicate with different interlocutors who can teach you something.

It’s better not to be shy about saying the phrases “Unfortunately, I’m not familiar with this essay,” “Alas, I don’t know the answer to this question,” “It’s a pity, but I haven’t heard about it.” The ability to recognize a gap in knowledge, the desire to fill it, and not to smarten up about the unknown, is also a sign of intelligence.

Indecisiveness

Indecisiveness is a very unattractive quality in a man. After all, men are hunters and conquerors by nature, and determination and confidence in their strengths and actions often helped them survive and develop. Ladies do not like indecisive representatives of the stronger sex. If you think for weeks, or even months, before approaching and meeting the girl you like, and then spend sleepless nights racking your brains over whether you should ask your loved one out or whether it’s better not to, you are unlikely to achieve success on the personal front. .

Lovely creatures want to see strong, brave men next to them, capable of doing anything for the sake of their attention. If complexes prevent you from being like this, then it’s time to get rid of them. Try to raise your self-esteem and don’t self-examine. There is no point in dwelling on failures. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, no one in this world is perfect, everyone has failures both in their career and in their personal life. The winner is not the one who does not make mistakes and does not lose, but the one who learns from his mistakes and constantly works on himself, trying to overcome his fears and struggling with shortcomings.

Be careful.

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Women's ears are an erogenous zone. And it’s not only about the sensitivity of the shells and earlobes, but also about the passionate love for compliments. However, not for everyone. How to use nice words for a girl correctly:

be diverse. Even the best praise gets boring if you use it all the time;
do not forget about sincerity. Saying “You have model height” to a girl who is 1.58 cm is making her think it’s a joke;
pay attention to little things. She's probably already been told that she has a beautiful hairstyle and an elegant dress. It is better to note her femininity, the beautiful line of her shoulders or graceful fingers, “like an aristocrat”;
move away from common phrases. “You are very beautiful/sexy/cute” everyone says, which devalues these words. “When you smile, your eyes sparkle like the surface of a lake on a sunny day” is a rarer type of compliment.

To develop the ability to find the right words at the right moment, it is better to read lyrics. Especially Shakespeare's sonnets. And if giving compliments doesn’t work at all, you can simply quote lines.

Signs of a girl's readiness

When a girl reciprocates, it is impossible not to understand and not notice even an inexperienced young man. Her behavior and outlook on life change, and additional interaction mechanisms appear. It is advisable to study these techniques in advance in order to understand what is really happening.

If a girl likes a guy and is going to build a tender relationship with him, then her behavior will change. There will be tenderness in the gaze, responsiveness, kindness, understanding, reciprocal care, and constant flirting. Your appearance changes: manicure, new hairstyle, stunning outfits. The fairer sex wants to attract attention, look elegant and unique. Girls are starting to take better care of themselves and conduct beauty experiments.

Use creativity.

She has already been taken to cafes and cinemas. And she has already received one red rose or a bouquet of these flowers from others. I want to repeat myself and be like everyone else - okay. But if you want to stand out from the rest, leaving them in the distant past and a complete loser knockout, it is better to show originality. For example:

take an interest in origami lessons and make a bouquet of paper flowers;
write her a love letter and send it by regular mail or slip it under her door;
buy paired items - keychains, T-shirts, scarves, pendants;
use personal talent - draw her portrait, write a poem, compose a melody in her honor;
make a poster with a dozen/hundred/thousand compliments for her, general photos, descriptions of the best moments together;
invite her to come up with a new dish or drink together.

Take the self-esteem test

What to do in case of failure

Unfortunately, no one is immune from failure. The girl may not like you even after all your efforts. She may be in love with someone else, or you just aren't her type, it doesn't matter. You have only one choice - to fall behind.

The sooner you do this, the better impression you will leave. And if you stay nearby, like a faithful page, and shower the beauty with gifts in an attempt to take this fortress by siege, you will soon become completely disgusted with her.

Just before you retreat, ask yourself whether you really clearly expressed your intentions and did everything from the previous points. This is necessary in order not to be tormented by doubts like “what if she didn’t understand?”

Move to intimacy smoothly.

Even if she is burning with open desire almost from the first meeting, she still wants courtship. Delaying things in this case, of course, is also not a particularly good idea. But moving to a new stage too quickly is no less dangerous. Why?

At first she will be happy, because she herself wanted intimacy.
Later it will seem to her that there is a lot of sex in the relationship, but too little romance.
She will begin to wait for the guy HIMSELF to telepathically guess about her desire for tenderness and platonic relationships. Perhaps hints will be used, as subtle as the difference between the shades of her foundations.
The guy, naturally, will not guess anything. Maximum - he will notice an increase in her refusals in bed.
The situation is heating up. Hysterics, quarrels, scandals. "You do not love me". Parting.

Why does this lead to breakup in many cases? Because the man does not understand the sudden change in her behavior. At first she is passionate and insatiable, and after a couple of months she suddenly wanted to become different. But it was that first version that he liked.

In fact, there was no change in the girl, she initially wanted affection, beautiful courtship. However, she decided to play the role of a bed fight guru in order to attract the guy’s attention.

It’s better to immediately provide her with flirting, compliments and the entire candy-bouquet period so that she has time to get enough of it. Only after this will it be possible to smoothly move on to intimacy, not forgetting to periodically provide her with evidence in favor of the fact “we not only have sex, but also love.”

How to behave correctly with her is already clear . It remains to find out what mistakes are recommended to be avoided. Ideally, this information would be written down in the army regulations and passed down from generation to generation through fathers' cuffs, forever inscribed in the DNA.

However, nothing in the world is perfect. Therefore, to learn about what you should not do in relationships with girls, you will have to read the following sections. They describe mistakes that it is highly desirable to avoid.

Preparing for the first step

To ask a girl to date, you need to have courage. You will have to work hard, make an effort, and have the desire to build a trusting alliance. In order to marry successfully in the future, you will need to act consistently. It would be correct to first set priorities, accumulate positive energy, and create the appropriate atmosphere.

The first step sets the tone for the courtship process and creates the preconditions for building a serious relationship. It always makes sense to strive to build unlimited trust.

Hobbies and preferences

The beginning of acquaintance, as a rule, coincides with the moment when young people get to know each other. This is an interesting and exciting time, giving additional worries and joys. They have to find out each other's interests and needs and draw conclusions. In order not to get lost in guesses and assumptions, you need to strive to be attentive, communicate more and not be afraid to get to know each other. The ability to share joy is the greatest gift that can be learned. You need to find out as early as possible what a girl’s hobbies are and take into account her preferences.

Appreciate individuality, then relationships will work out much better. It is reasonable to try to praise hobbies, encourage in every possible way, and help your companion feel at the height of the situation.

Frequent pleasant communication

You need to want to create a serious relationship yourself. They will not appear on their own, without due effort on the part and a reasonable approach to what is happening. The ability to draw conclusions will also help you understand what is really happening. You shouldn't expect a girl to take everything upon herself, and the guy won't have to make an effort. Even if communication occurs at a distance, it fills the soul with positivity, helps to form new hopes and joyful impressions.

READ How to properly ignore a girl so she doesn't get offended

Correspondence often inspires, creates romance in the heart, and gives a deep sense of inner satisfaction. Live interaction is better, however, otherwise it is still possible to maintain a pleasant impression.

Compliments and flirting

Relationships cannot develop if there is no flirting and advances. The girl expects compliments, advances and pleasant statements addressed to her from the guy. It would be unreasonable to ask her to be only a friend who is not trying to make a strong impression.

Flirting is necessary for the formation of understanding, reverent and respectful attitude towards each other. This is natural behavior for a couple in love. Relationships are built according to the direction they take. Attachment will appear later, will be the result of the efforts made. If a girl begins to reciprocate, then happiness will not take long to arrive. Romance should be present at all stages of relationship development.

Don't bend.

This mistake can be made even unconsciously. This happens when you really want to please your girlfriend with something, even to the detriment of yourself.

“She likes melodramas, and I like action films. Well, it’s okay, let’s go to “Blown By the Wind and Sobs”, and not to “Peanuts Strong”... And it’s okay that it’s 48 times, because the main thing is that she smiles.”

There's nothing wrong with giving in to the same movie choice a couple of times. But doing this all the time is a bad idea. Ignoring one's own interests and personality only leads to new problems in relationships.

Ties suit you very well, start wearing them.
Okay (I hate ties, but ok, she'll be so happy).
Shave your beard. You walk like a homeless person. And it’s impossible to kiss - it hurts.
Okay (heh, just six months of beard care).
I don't like your friends. They're always drinking and making dirty jokes. I have already made an appointment for you with Olya Tolik. Good guy. Go.
Yes, he’s good, I’ll go (boring, whining, and Olka natters about everything).
You know... You've changed so much. I loved you before. I can’t do this anymore, that’s it, I’m leaving.
(…)

Transition from dating to relationship

A serious relationship for a young couple begins from the moment a decision is made about a future together. It is not necessary that, having voiced their desire to get married or move to a new level of intimacy, young people should immediately begin to live together, because often young lovers simply do not have a sufficient material basis for this. However, there are circumstances that come into force as soon as a young couple changes the phase of an easy relationship to a serious one (for example, meeting relatives).

Usually, at the beginning of their journey, young people need help from their parents, as from people who are more experienced in life issues and financially secure. However, loved ones are not always ready to provide this help, believing that youthful love requires a greater test of time or that the girl and the guy are not well suited for each other.

Faced with opposition, young people must show perseverance, but this can only be done on one condition: by proving through their actions that their decision to be together is justified and not subject to discussion. The boy should (without interrupting his studies) start earning money, and the girl should learn how to run a household. Having made sure that lovers take their future seriously, even the most zealous skeptics will calm down and stop creating obstacles.

Don't forget about everything else.

More often, this behavior is typical for the first months of a relationship. When you want to be next to her all the time, and all the men around her are perceived as a potential threat or as future victims. Absolutely everyone - even Arkady Fedorovich, the 73-year-old dean of her faculty.

During this period, friends and relatives suddenly find themselves in the background. Problems may arise at work or at school because your thoughts are always somewhere else. Some hobbies are abandoned, giving way to a new hobby.

Such situations are strange in themselves. But it can be even worse . When she suddenly says something like:

“The question is blunt: either me or your friends!”
“Choose: either you stop going to your stupid football game, or I leave.”
“If you don’t go to samba classes with me, I won’t go to the bedroom with you!”

When someone suddenly begins to demand that you make a choice between yourself and another important part of life, this is a dead end. Requirements will increase over time. As a result, the manipulator will take away everything dear to you, impose ideas and interests, thereby forcing you to live someone else’s life. If at the same time the person refuses to compromise or resolve the dispute peacefully, then the question arises - is there any point in being with her at all?

Take a self-confidence test

How to start a relationship with a girl you've known for a long time?

It happens that an awkward classmate turns into a beautiful swan over the years. And you want to have an affair with her, but it’s somehow boring, because she knows you even before leveling up and achieving achievements. It seems that she will only see you as that pimply wimp from the back desk.

But let's put aside the assumptions. A person changes over the years not only externally, his thinking also changes. If you eventually saw something in this woman that attracted you, why can't she feel attracted to you. You have changed too.

So until you ask her out on a date, you won't know how this girl feels about you. Remember, in any business, until you try, you will not achieve results.

But don't push too hard. She may have certain attitudes in her head that prevent her from seeing you as a strong and self-sufficient man. You can push yourself as hard as you can, but in her eyes you'll be that ridiculous kid in the group. In this case you have two options:

Put a bolt on the beauty and conquer another peak. Believe me, there are millions of women around who want to see a real man next to them.
Show her that you have changed not in words, but in actions. You can periodically remind her of yourself, invite her for coffee and send flowers to the office. Don't insist, just be always in her field of vision. The woman herself must want to meet you.

Do not show or encourage selfishness.

Relationships are a job for two. If one invests in them, and the second is used to only receiving contributions, such a couple will not go far. A family in which “dad works and mom is beautiful” (or vice versa) is suitable for jokes, but not for a happy life. It is better to moderate selfishness and make sure that it is not in the chosen one. For this you will need:

take care of your partner’s feelings and desires;
make compromises on controversial issues;
learn to calmly talk about what doesn’t suit you in a relationship;
thank your couple for their expressions of care and non-conflict;
accept distinctive views, interests and try to implement them separately.

For example, a guy likes football, and a girl likes shopping. Why choose one thing and force your partner to give up his hobby? Let everyone do what they love, alone or with friends.

Acquaintance

Until you become a level 80 pickup artist, you can only start dating a girl you know. We have already looked in detail at ways to meet girls on VK and on the street, so now we will briefly go over the points to refresh our memory of the material.

Pay attention to your appearance and smell. Remember the rule of the three “Ps”: hairstyle, outfit and perfume must be impeccable.
It is best to start dating with a neutral conversation. On the Internet - about the girl’s interests, in person - about the situation in which you find yourself together.
Try to avoid templates and dubious compliments. Leave the phrase “your mother doesn’t need a son-in-law” for the gopniks.
Watch your speech: speak politely, speak and write correctly, get rid of filler words.
Don't try to hide your excitement - you won't succeed anyway. Be so excited that she'll think she's driving you crazy, not that you're an insecure nerd.
If a girl refuses, do not persuade or beg. You are not a beggar.

If you have known your chosen one for a long time, it will be easier for you. She already has some idea about you, and it will be easier for her to open up to you. You may want to date a classmate or fellow student, or even rekindle your relationship with your ex. I will talk about this in detail in the article “How to find a girl.”

Don't let things take their course.

Girls love romance, attention, surprises (not necessarily material ones). And they want to receive all this regularly. If you cut off the flow of compliments and sharply reduce the time spent together, they will not like it. And if girls don’t like something, then what often happens? That's right, hysterics.

Showing attention to her from time to time and speaking tender words is not so difficult. But the woman will remain satisfied. Perhaps she won’t even grumble when her lover returns from a friendly fishing trip without any fish at all, but with an alcoholic scent. But it is not exactly.

Let's go on the offensive

Euphoria after a successful acquaintance usually does not last long, since it is not clear what to do next. You talk to a girl, discuss cats and world politics, but this is not exactly what you wanted. More precisely, not at all.

Don't panic as long as everything goes according to plan. Gradual rapprochement is the most effective tactic in your case. Let the girl take a closer look at you, get used to it, and gain trust. But don’t get stuck at this stage for long, otherwise you risk never getting out of the friend zone.

If you met on the Internet, take the conversation offline, otherwise, with endless correspondence, you won’t notice how you’re congratulating her on the New Year for the second time.

When should you have sex?

Girls always have the question of when to “give” to guys. For the stronger sex, the question of sex arises only when he does not want to scare away the fair half with his “lustful” desires. When should you have sex - before a relationship, after it starts, or after registering a marriage?

If previously a guy could only get sex after marriage, today this is no longer relevant. It is better to have sex almost at the very beginning of the relationship, so as not to destroy the union due to the discrepancy between the sexuality of the partners.

All girls are different. A guy may like someone, but at the same time not be as relaxed and sexy in bed as he would like. Not all beautiful girls will satisfy you in bed. In order not to part with them, you need to find out what they are like sexually as soon as possible.

You should have sex as soon as you start a love relationship. We are not talking about a first date (although if the girl doesn’t mind, then you can sleep with her). It is better to have sex when you feel sympathy for the girl and notice a response on her part. To understand whether you can build a serious relationship with her, it is better to have sex with her as quickly as possible. This is the only way you will understand whether you will have problems in this regard with a girl or not.

The second time will happen much faster. Just before the first time, the girl hesitates for a long time and refuses. But if it happened once, then the second sex will happen quickly enough.

What mistakes are made at the beginning of a relationship?

When asking a girl to date, you should not make the most important mistake - forget about yourself and let the girl control the situation. If a girl does not directly answer a guy’s question whether she wants to date him, then you should not run after her, beg her, or even ask why she refused. If a girl wanted to date, she wouldn’t fuss when answering an “important” question.

A guy may make a mistake in a situation when a girl refuses him or asks him to wait with an answer. This means that he agrees to play by her rules.

It's one thing to accept her answer and not even take any action towards her in order to seduce her. If she doesn’t want to meet, then you can talk like friends - and this means that the girl will no longer receive any gifts, compliments or other signs of attention.
It's another thing to accept the answer and continue to interest her in you. Often girls perceive this situation as “Gotcha!” Now you can twist ropes out of it!”

Demandingness3

Famous stand-up comedian Bo Burnham has a musical number. It's called "Lower your expectations".

The essence of the song is simple: all people need to lower their demands on others. This is because they are always overpriced. It turns out to be an unpleasant situation - there are many desires, but nothing to give in return.

And this is the main problem: girls often want the impossible, while they have nothing in their soul except a pretty face. In the 21st century this is not enough. Men also need a response, some kind of manifestation of love and affection. And many guys wonder why girls get offended over trifles? You will find the answer further in the link.

Therefore, you should not dump all the claims at once. It is better to express them gradually. So that the partner has a desire to become better, for the sake of his betrothed.

Consider the girl's character

Of course, a beautiful and original proposal to meet will increase your chances of a positive response. Here you will need to decide on the girl’s character and her hobbies.

For girls with a calm and quiet character, a romantic date is suitable. This could be a cafe, a restaurant, a walk along the evening streets, a botanical garden, and the like. The atmosphere of the restaurant is suitable for romantic souls. The proposal can be made, for example, during a dance. You can agree in advance with the musicians to perform her favorite composition or melody with appropriate subtext.

For girls with a more active and lively character, who do not hide their emotions, a bright and unexpected proposal is suitable. For example, an offer after visiting attractions, a dolphinarium, an excursion to another city. And at the end of it all, say that it was all organized for her and tell her about your feelings for her. Invite the girl on an interesting walk (this in itself will be a kind of proposal). For example, to a lake or river, take a boat ride, admire the views, etc. Beautiful landscapes, walks under the moon, the calming splash of water will be a wonderful backdrop for your confessions.

Find out from her friends what the girl is interested in. If the girl is a collector, give the appropriate item and associate it with your recognition. If a girl is partial to animals (for example, horses), invite her to go to a place where she can ride and feed them. And during the meeting, there will definitely be a suitable moment to express feelings.

If a girl loves horses, go for a ride with her

A proposal in verse. Nowadays, interest in poetry is gradually being lost. Therefore, be prepared for the fact that your sentence in verse will not be properly understood. However, if you are really determined to take such a step, this can be done in several ways: read it in person or send it by letter. For personal reading, you will need the ability to recite poetry beautifully, otherwise the effect will not be the same. In writing, you can send an offer either by message on social networks or by letter by mail.

Offer on a social network. It is not recommended to take such a responsible step through various social networks. It is not a fact that your proposal will be taken seriously. And there is no certainty that it will be the girl at the computer (and not her friends, brother/sister or someone else) and she will be alone without company. Use social networks only as a way to ask a girl out on a date, where you should make the same proposal.

Alternatively, you can make a short video consisting of your photos and send it to your chosen one. You can also post such a video on one of the video portals and send the girl a link to it.