“I’m afraid of people,” or what social phobia is and how to deal with it

Afterword

Social phobia is a kind of worm that causes decay in life.
Maybe not the most pleasant metaphor, but the most accurate. This phenomenon needs to be fought. You cannot allow yourself to close yourself off and constantly destroy your own potential or suppress desires. Social phobia inhibits personal development. Someone loses their position or languishes for years at a satisfactory job; someone spends their old age alone because they were never able to meet anyone; someone did not become a great actor because as a child he was ridiculed by his own mother at a matinee.

Thus, social phobia arises from personal insecurity, anxiety, feelings of insecurity, and personal experience of contact with bad people. But not all people are bad.

Man is a socio-biological being. There is no point in “rewinding” the deadline given to us. Life should have meaning and pleasure

It is important to understand that you cannot do without unpleasant moments. All people are different

That's the beauty of it. There will be misunderstandings, there will be disagreements, there will be different attitudes towards you. This is the beauty of social contacts. They permeate our whole life. To be afraid of society means to be afraid of yourself and life, to run away from yourself. But you still can’t run away from yourself. Perhaps in a figurative sense, by adjusting character traits that you don’t like, saying goodbye to old grievances, fears, and so on.

So, to get rid of social phobia, you need:

clearly identify problem situations and their causes;
work through your own thoughts;
design frightening situations (“wedge by wedge”);
constantly conduct reflection (analysis of your actions) based on the results of classes;
express your feelings and emotions;
record events and their consequences.

In conclusion, I would like to recommend you several books on the topic of social phobia for yourself to study the issue in more depth and adjust your life.

John Biik “Training to overcome social phobia. Self-Help Guide." The book says that you need to find an assistant. However, if you do not have a person whom you are willing to trust, then you can do without an assistant.
Philip Zimbardo "Shyness"
Robert Anthony "The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence."

Thank you, dear reader, for your attention and time. Good luck finding your “worms” and eradicating them! Live clean and colorful

Do what you are afraid of!

Social phobia is treated with both medication and behavioral therapy. The drugs used are serotonergic antidepressants, anxiolytics, and beta blockers (to eliminate vegetative manifestations).

But drugs alone are clearly not enough. The main thing in treatment is to realize the groundlessness of your fears and learn to communicate.

All this is achieved in individual and group sessions with a psychotherapist. In addition to the correct psychological guidelines that the doctor gives, he also helps the patient master the ability to stand confidently (straight back, raised chin, looking not at the floor, not to the side, but at the interlocutor’s face). In addition to “class” work, the doctor also assigns “home” work. One of the tasks, for example, training slow speech (half an hour a day). First, you can perform this exercise alone with a mirror, then practice it on loved ones. Further more. Alienation can only be overcome in practice, and in those places and situations where anxiety arises most often. Only constant practice can achieve self-confidence.

What should you do for this? Approach cute strangers in a cafe and get to know them. Ask passers-by how to find a particular house or street. Be the first to start a conversation with your superiors.

Many social phobes are helped to overcome painful shyness and self-doubt by imagining themselves as another character. By playing in life not yourself, but your antipode, it is much easier to act more confidently. By the way, a great option is to enroll in a theater studio. The art of transformation helps you look at yourself from the outside and overcome your inhibitions. By the way, many actors suffered from increased shyness in childhood, which they were able to get rid of only on stage.

Possible reasons and prerequisites

As I already mentioned, the development of social phobia is influenced by external and internal factors. Yes, even your own insecurity or anxiety is the result of outside influence (in childhood or adulthood). The following prerequisites for the emergence of social phobia can be identified.

Depression (70.9% of cases) or other disorders.
Drug addiction, alcoholism (76.7%). Public condemnation can be received more often than support and help, which forces the alcoholic to withdraw into himself, increasingly avoiding society.
Experienced situations of failure. Having once "shitted" in public, a person will probably avoid performing again.
Properties of the psyche. Accented individuals, that is, with a pronounced character trait, are more prone to phobias. For example, the schizoid and asthenic type are the most vulnerable. The same dependence is observed among temperament types. Choleric and melancholic people are more prone to phobias.
Someone else's experience. Often, sophiophobia begins to form in childhood and is caused by the behavior (example) of parents or parenting style. For example, intimidation, prohibitions, or one’s own experience of failure in front of a child.
Low self-esteem and uncertainty that arose against the background of social deprivation (deprivation) in childhood. This group includes a tyrannical type of parental education, an authoritarian teacher, and “bullying” in the classroom.
Low self-esteem. Often comes from a destructive type of parental upbringing or school childhood.

When fear is no longer just fear

Sometimes our experiences and fears cross all permitted boundaries and develop into real phobias. We lose control over them, and now they control us and our lives.

Thus, natural concern for one’s offspring can develop into hyperprotection and even paranoia, when danger begins to appear on every corner, and any person passing by becomes an alleged child abductor.

Fear of death can develop into a preoccupation with safety. People stop going out and cannot maintain their traditional way of life. They want to protect themselves by all means from the dangers that they may encounter on the streets, in the supermarket or in the workplace.

Some people want to know how to stop being afraid of the dark. After all, this problem worries not only children.

The natural defense mechanism often leads a person to destructive behavior. If this is exactly what happened in your life, it’s time to take control of everything. So how to deal with phobias?

What social phobias exist?

Social fear can manifest itself too acutely, leading a person to panic attacks. If social anxiety is moderate, the patient is still able to assess the situation realistically in order to take control of his feelings, despite the presence of strong anxiety. A person diagnosed with social phobia suffers from a constant, severe anxiety state. They were divided into two groups: delineated social phobia - fear can manifest itself in standard situations (the need to interact with cashiers in a store, speaking in front of a large audience, a job interview, the need to communicate with neighbors), generalized - a feeling of fear appears in a wide variety of situations. situations during which you have to interact with society.

Regardless of the types of social phobia that have been listed, it is important to mention that the signs of the disorder will be the same in any case. It is necessary to mention that these symptoms are temporary or permanent.

The following example can be given. One day, a child was ridiculed while speaking to his classmates. Since then, he has no desire to prepare reports or retell the material he has read.

One can also note a completely different type of development of a phobia, during which the child will categorically refuse to attend an educational institution or try to walk in the park. Nobody understands what is causing this fear in society. It is quite possible that this fear will not go away in adolescence or adulthood. Here we can talk about social phobia, since there are no objective reasons. People simply do not understand what is happening, but they experience a real fear of society and are unable to cope with this problem on their own. It is worth mentioning that relatives of a person with social phobia can provide a certain “disservice”. They believe that the whole point is shyness, and, therefore, it is necessary to communicate more with other people and boldly go out into society. Unfortunately, these measures are in no way capable of helping a person with this diagnosis.

Why do we become nervous when communicating?

Don't worry and tune in to the conversation

The reasons for this condition may be different. Nervousness appears when we are just making acquaintances and do not know the person with whom we are going to communicate. A natural situation of fear of being rejected or misunderstood arises.

This moment of nervous excitement only lasts for a while until we get used to the stranger and identify common interests. If for some people this slightest stress can pass completely without a trace, then people with a more vulnerable psyche continue to perceive a person with some caution and this becomes an obstacle in conversation.

The next reason for nervousness may be the status of the person with whom you must communicate. If we have to talk with a boss, a strict father, a man or woman for whom we do not like. Each of them evokes certain emotions in you - irritants that can lead to tension, fear or embarrassment.

Signs

What does social phobia mean? This means that the person avoids social interaction at all costs. He refuses to make new acquaintances, work in a team, build a personal life, and establish business connections. A person withdraws into himself; in particularly advanced cases, he isolates himself within the walls of his home. The same question repeats in his head: “What will people say?” A social phobe is afraid of negative evaluation of his actions and the negative consequences of social interaction.

Characteristics of a social phobe:

irritability,
shyness,
suspiciousness,
touchiness,
awkwardness in movements,
fussiness,
gloominess.

If a social phobe hears that someone is laughing next to him, then he is sure that they are laughing at him. If someone is discussing something, then the social phobe is sure that they are discussing him, and exclusively in a negative way. If a social phobe catches someone’s gaze on him, the thought immediately appears in his head: “What’s wrong with me?”

The signs and symptoms of social phobia are virtually the same in adolescents and adults. The only difference is in the situations where it is noticeable. For example, teenage children experience difficulties at school and refuse to attend an educational institution (truant or complain of poor health). Otherwise, the manifestations in children and adults are similar: quiet and timid speech, redness of the face, fear of saying the wrong thing. The signs of social phobia do not differ between women and men.

Interesting! There are three behavioral patterns of a social phobe: stupor during social interaction, the desire to run away or hide, aggression and deliberate disregard for any social interaction.

Work on yourself

We repel nervous attacks

Always be prepared to communicate. To find interesting interlocutors and enjoy communication, you yourself must have sufficient interests and comprehensive development. By reducing the number of topics you don't understand, you can easily find the subject of discussion and talk with people of different ages. This way, there will be no room for nervousness and you can share your knowledge calmly.

Avoid empty talk, chatter and gossip. Try to share knowledge, experience, ideas. If you like the person and your sympathy is mutual, worries and embarrassment during communication will disappear. Take this into account!

What causes fear of people, causes of anthropophobia

The fear of people is called anthropophobia. From the Greek anthropos - man and phobos - fear. A person who is afraid of other people constantly feels danger. It seems to him that those around him want to harm, attack or infect him with a fatal disease.

The reason for this attitude towards people must be sought in childhood. The child was probably raised in harsh authoritarian conditions. Punishment, violence, coldness of parents, conflicts between parents - all this could cause distrust in the world.

Even as a child, the child realized that he was safe only when alone with himself. You can only trust yourself. Only he understands and supports himself. This attitude was preserved and carried into adulthood.

What else acts as a negative factor in the development of a phobia:

low self-esteem of the child;
excessive criticism from others;
conflicts in relationships with peers;
diffidence;
rejection by parents and classmates;
antisocial lifestyle of parents, addictions;
contradiction in the educational positions of mother and father;
excessive demands on the child.

Feeling ashamed of one's appearance can also cause human phobia. A person is afraid of ridicule, physical and emotional blows from others, and condemnation. And if a person is sure from childhood that he is doing everything wrong (parental attitude), then in adulthood he is afraid of getting into an awkward situation, of letting someone down and angering someone, of being punished. He is afraid of embarrassing himself in front of other people.

Betrayal, unrequited love, painful relationships can also cause anthropophobia. In this case, the person is afraid to experience the same pain, suffering, and emotional torment again. In order not to accidentally get close to someone and not be betrayed, the anthropophobe avoids social contacts.

This is interesting! Fear of people occurs with equal frequency in men and women. Most often, fear of people develops during adolescence.

A case from psychotherapeutic practice

As a child, Andrei was a very quiet and obedient boy. Mom couldn’t get enough of him, she said “not a child, but gold.” Even as a young man, he listened to his mother in matters of choosing a haircut, clothes, music, type of sport, etc. In the same way, at the instigation of his mother, he subsequently chose the Faculty of Law at the university, although he had loved zoology since childhood and was not attracted to law at all.

Having become an adult man, Andrei recklessly listened to his relatives in choosing a life partner. Unfortunately, this marriage turned out to be unhappy and collapsed very quickly. It brought him nothing but disappointment and resentment.

Now Andrey lives alone, but he feels that the opinions of others still dominate his own opinion. He is afraid that his neighbors will think badly of him, and therefore does not throw parties at his place. He is afraid that his colleagues will misunderstand him, and therefore does not tell them that after work he is in a hurry not for training, but for Latin American dancing classes. And there are many such examples. He does not risk doing much of what he likes, simply because he is afraid of condemnation, ridicule and dissatisfaction from people, even complete strangers.

Causes of social phobia

Most psychotherapists agree that the basis of social phobia is self-doubt. And it develops, most often, in adolescence (10-13 years) - at the moment of the beginning of active interaction with society.

The causes of self-doubt, and, as a consequence, social phobia in childhood can be:

incorrect, evaluative upbringing of a child, comparing him with other children is not in his favor;
too strict requirements for the child;
criticism from a significant adult;
criticism during the period of personality formation;
ridicule, bullying at school;

lack of social approval, etc.

Social phobia can also develop at a later age. This can be facilitated by:

incorrect social environment that does not provide moral support;
prolonged exposure to a stressful situation;
a single stressful situation of strong intensity (terrorist attack, disaster);

Women are more susceptible to social phobia (2 times more often than men). Also, the phobia is more common among well-educated people who are married.

Certain personality traits and genetic factors can contribute to the emergence of social phobia.

“I didn’t hide the diagnosis, but I still received the offer”

Three years ago, a young Data Science specialist, Camilla (name changed), came to a private psychologist with a request for separation from her parents. The girl says that she was very dependent on them emotionally, although at that time she had been fully providing for herself for more than six months. By that time, the girl had been regularly having panic attacks, anxiety episodes, and paruresis for about six years. After the first session, the psychologist referred Camilla to a psychiatrist, saying that “such increased anxiety is no longer within his competence.” She told her parents about this.

“There was a family scandal, my parents said that they felt bad, that my mother did not sleep at night because of me; they are already over 60, and they find it difficult to tolerate this. I thought about it for five days before turning to a psychiatrist: I was scared by the costs, possible diagnoses and treatment methods, and the reaction of my parents,” says the 24-year-old girl.

She rescheduled her appointment with a psychiatrist several times, but in the end she came to a private doctor, a candidate of medical sciences, because she realized that “it would only get worse.” The woman prescribed Camille an antidepressant and a tranquilizer as a “cover.” She explained that it is prescribed to protect against suicidal thoughts and attempts that occur when the activating effect of the antidepressant has already begun, but the main, antidepressant effect has not yet occurred.

“I heard from my parents that they would stuff me with pills until I was a vegetable, that it was in vain that I was sent to study in Moscow, that no employer would hire me with a “diagnosis”, even if it was not an official one,” says Camilla.

The pills worked, the girl began to live “without the constant fear that at some point the body will break down and panic in the middle of the day.” At the beginning of the pandemic, when work and school became remote, Camilla flew to her hometown to visit her parents and lived there for six months, which affected the progress of treatment, in addition to the constant fear of coronavirus.

“When I returned to Moscow, I immediately turned to my psychiatrist. Now I understand that it was a crazy break in communication for 8-9 months, there’s no need to do that. As a result, a period of changing patterns and very strong depression began,” she says. “They changed my treatment regimen, including because of the new drug labeling system. Many original drugs have disappeared from pharmacies.”

At the beginning of June, Camilla was prescribed a medicine that worked. The girl also began to regularly work with a psychologist, learned to track her mood and activity throughout the day, and recently began to exercise regularly.

“For now, my health, both physical and mental, is not ideal, but I try to maintain it - and I understand that in my case I won’t have one without the other. I was afraid of the side effects of the drugs, in particular their effect on the menstrual cycle. However, in my case, stress and a disrupted life had a much stronger effect on him, as I was convinced of this spring when I was examined,” says the girl.

Camilla explains that she turned to a private clinic because, in general, paid doctors, in her opinion, are “more competent and attentive,” and in government institutions, specialists “sin of prescribing inappropriate, outdated medications with serious side effects.” The second argument in favor of a private clinic was the lack of “accounting”. But the girl says that he never threatened her during the entire observation period, since she did not have any suicidal attempts, and the diagnosis did not imply constant monitoring by a psychiatrist.

“It’s funny that six months after starting treatment, I had an interview with a company that deals with information security, and one of the selection stages was testing with a polygraph by a psychologist. I didn’t hide my diagnosis and treatment experience, but I still received the offer. But she refused: it was scary to change jobs at the beginning of the lockdown and I didn’t want to undergo such polygraph tests every six months, which all employees of that company were required to do - it’s wildly stressful, even if you’re not hiding anything,” recalls Camilla.

Answering the question about her attitude to entering information about patients’ visits, the girl says that, on the one hand, it is “good” when different doctors who observe him have complete data about a person, his diseases and treatment. On the other hand, “it’s bad when this data or access to the system with it can be bought for three kopecks on the first forum you come across on the darknet or viewed through a bot on Telegram, where there is absolutely zero barrier to entry.”

“In Russia there is a big problem with the security of personal data, especially in state information systems. And this is the problem of developers and centralized storage systems, and not of illiterate users who do not take care of personal data,” says Camilla.

“She doesn’t want to look at you, you’re a drug addict mom.” How do families live in Russia where parents use drugs?

“Either the parents sit at the reception, or the doctor tells them everything.” Medical confidentiality for teenagers has been abolished in Russia

How to stop being afraid of people on the street?

To reduce fear, stop being afraid of being among passers-by, attending concerts, or riding the tram:

learn to control your breathing. Shortness of breath and hyperventilation outdoors appear first. You begin to breathe too quickly, suffocating due to the proximity of the object of fear. Breathing exercises will help reduce fear. Deep breaths and exhalations are especially helpful. Start and end your day with them (take just a couple of minutes). This helps with social phobia, the fear subsides;
visualize the positive outcome of contacts with society. Close your eyes, mentally imagine: things went well, you calmly walked down the street, went shopping successfully, exchanged a few words with the cashier. Panic attacks are over, social phobia is gone. You have almost mastered the techniques on how to stop being afraid of people;
Try to talk to strangers when the opportunity arises. Add a few words if the latest political news begins to be heatedly discussed on the tram. But only a few words, otherwise you will quickly feel insecure.

No attacks, stop trying to quickly “put social anxiety to rest.” This will only increase the fear. Take things gradually. Go out into the world for a short time, gradually increase the time you spend among other “homo sapiens”.

How to communicate with people

To learn to communicate correctly, a person must practice a lot.

When you go outside, try to talk to strangers. Ask: “What time is it?”, ask how to get to such and such a street/stop. Come up with something as simple as possible, it will be much easier. Start small.

Some rules of communication:

The emotional tone of the conversation plays a very important role;
In a conversation, a person unconsciously picks up nonverbal manifestations of feelings (gestures, facial expressions), which also set the tone of the conversation;
Communication with a person who expresses positive emotions is much easier and more pleasant than with someone who is always gloomy;
Calling a person by name can help establish rapport;
When communicating, it is important not only to speak confidently in order to inspire confidence, but also to listen to the interlocutor. This makes him feel more important.
When talking, you do not need to interrupt, do not be distracted by extraneous factors, focusing your attention only on the interlocutor;
The word “no” should not be placed at the beginning of the answer, even if you plan to refuse the interlocutor. This should be done in a different, softer form, so as not to provoke a conflict.

It is impossible to take into account all the subtleties of communication, but these rules may be quite enough to build trusting relationships with people. It is recommended to study additional literature on the topic, which will provide deeper knowledge.

Main categories of fear of living

Fear of living can only arise under certain conditions.

There are three main categories:

circumstances that cannot depend on a person;
circumstances that a person causes independently;
By knowing oneself, a person delves deeply into the structure of his psyche.

Independent circumstances usually include serious illnesses and the death of relatives and friends. If such events occur in a person’s life, then he admits the idea that something similar could happen to him.

A person can also independently provoke the fear of death. This category primarily includes people who are accustomed to risking their own lives. Examples include bikers, racers, and hookers. They believe that they perform such dangerous activities to obtain adrenaline. In practice, it turns out that they are deceiving themselves, thus testing themselves. Such people are trying to understand what fear of life is, how it borders on death. Some do this out of curiosity, and some allow such situations on a subconscious level.

There are times when a person tries to know himself. He thinks a lot, reads relevant literature, tries to understand who he is and what he is doing here. Along with such thoughts comes fear of life and fear of life.

Stages of crisis in experiencing the fear of death

It is customary to distinguish four main stages of fear of death. They are mainly divided by age categories:

from 4 to 6 years;
from 10 to 12 years;
from 17 to 24 years old;
from 35 to 55 years.

Let us examine in more detail the distinctive features of those who are afraid. During the period of life from 4 to 6 years, a child first develops a fear of death. If loved ones pass away, this is the first stress in life. It remains deep in the child’s memory and influences subsequent thoughts, decisions, and actions.

Between the ages of 10 and 12, a teenager may experience a deep sense of loss and emptiness. It is not so much a real event that can cause trauma, but rather actions in a film on a TV screen.

At the age of 16-24, young people develop a strong sense of independence, the ability to bear responsibility for themselves and the people around them. This is where the most striking signs of fear of living begin.

From 35 to 55 years old, a person begins to look for meaning in life. An understanding of the fear of death comes to him more and more clearly. The individual realizes that everything has a cycle, man is mortal. This is even more worrying. The soul-searching begins. Some are rethinking their values, some are placing new emphasis in life. There are those who, at a relatively young age, begin to write wills, enter a monastery, and become more actively involved in spiritual practices. There is a category of people who commit suicide because they cease to see any meaning in it. The latter do this because of lost reference points, lack of a value scale, and lack of support from other people.

As soon as fears are overcome, a person begins to develop even more. The main thing is to realize what is happening, stop your thoughts, and try to sensibly evaluate their content.

When people think about how to stop being afraid of life and death, they do not always want to give an objective assessment of reality. This is associated with repression and suppression of thoughts, a feeling of exclusivity and the construction of defenses. Destructive work is going on at the subconscious level. It may later manifest itself as unpleasant symptoms.

Meditations

Today, probably no one is surprised by spiritual practices aimed at strengthening emotional balance. Meditation even improves your physical condition. In addition, the consciousness opens, an understanding comes of how to behave with people in order to live in harmony with everything that happens. Meditation helps strengthen faith in yourself and your capabilities. How not to be afraid of anything? Just start doing spiritual practice - and you will soon see a satisfactory result that will definitely please you.

Meditation leads to the opening of all chakras, the inner nature of a person. This activity not only helps to cope with fear, but also neutralizes the destructive effects of all negative emotions. You will feel like a different person: cheerful, optimistic, worthy of all sorts of victories.

How to stop being afraid of society - tips, recommendations

Overcoming social phobia and forgetting your fears is not an easy task, but it can be solved. In addition to the help of a specialist, “self-help” is useful:

In order to defeat the enemy, the enemy must be studied. Keep a diary. Write down your own experiences, analyze factors and events that provoke social phobia; Use a piece of paper to describe your fears, then try to mentally mock the objects of your fear. Imagine: “scary” individuals are stupid monkeys. Play with monkey fears, feel superior. When you are afraid of your boss, imagine: the boss is sitting in a loincloth, shaking his fat belly, making inarticulate sounds, beating his chest like King Kong. Laugh at your fears, gradually reduce their strength; When you speak, think about the topic, the purpose of the conversation. Get out of your head thoughts about how you look in the eyes of your interlocutor; look for individuals whose social phobia is worse than yours. Schizophrenics (in remission) are suitable. Paranoia and social phobia are close relatives, so it is not difficult to find a common language with a person with schizophrenia; Use your energy wisely. The more effort you put into things that bring you joy and allow you to feel in control of your own life, the less social phobia will become; always remember: strangers don’t care about you. Everyone is busy with themselves, their loved ones, there is little time left for others; thank yourself more, praise yourself for your successes. This will instill confidence and lift low self-esteem. Let go of the desire to do things perfectly. Perfectionism is the enemy of a social phobia, the cause of a lack of faith in one’s own strengths and an inferiority complex. Remember this. Then the question “How to stop being afraid of people” will be resolved; stop soul-searching

The ability to understand your own feelings is important. But only without masochism

Masochism is the enemy of the social phobe; throw away alcohol, cigarettes, and other “soft” drugs (including coffee). Fewer dependencies, less worries. Anxieties will disappear, and social phobia will also “wither.” By the way, “I’m only calm when I’m drunk” is already bad. You will begin to think that it is impossible to overcome social phobia without chemical, nicotine, and alcohol “crutches”; you will become more dependent on booze and cigarettes; love a relaxing massage. Social phobes often have a stiff back. Those suffering from the pathology are slouched, “hiding” their necks inside their shoulders. Massage for social phobes is extremely useful.

Remember sports. Physical activity is a great way to banish emotional stress, reduce anxiety, and improve sleep. Insomnia is a serious problem for social phobics.

Social phobia is a thief who steals the joy of communicating with others and makes you unsuccessful in life. It is possible to defeat pathology. Simple “life hacks” and a qualified specialist will get rid of an unpleasant problem.

Are these your fears?

Often fears are imposed on us from the outside. People around us complain about how scary it is to live, tell us “everyday horror stories,” and scare us. We immediately transfer their experiences to our own lives and think that everyone should be afraid of these things.

Phobias also result from stereotypical thinking. It's normal to be afraid of death. Almost all people are afraid of this to one degree or another. And, to be honest, this is inevitable. But if constant complaints and stories to family, friends, relatives and colleagues about illnesses, deaths of relatives, terrible events and accidents fill you with anxiety and panic, learn to ignore them. Accept that we are not eternal. Nothing is eternal. Even mountains are erased and lakes dry up over time. Fear is not the only reaction. You can be sad and grieve with them, but there is no need to be afraid. There are no things in this world to be afraid of.

Clinical manifestations

Before you think about how to overcome social anxiety on your own, you need to make sure that you are dealing with it.

Psychological and cognitive signs of social phobia:

strong fear and anxiety that do not go away after you are left alone with yourself;
obsessive thoughts that you said/did something wrong, exhausting self-analysis;
awareness of the irrationality of fear, anxiety and excitement (you understand that there is no reason for such strong fear, but you are still worried);
fear of saying something wrong;
fear of looking ridiculous or stupid;
anxiety that increases when a person leaves home, during communication;
the feeling that others are whispering about you (judging you, thinking badly);
fear of being the center of attention;
attempts to hide my excitement (“If someone understands that I am afraid, they will definitely take me for an idiot, they will definitely stop communicating with me”);
inflated demands and expectations for oneself;
excessive self-criticism;
negative thinking, coming up with pessimistic scenarios;
somatic deterioration during social interaction.

Somatic signs of social phobia (occur when a social phobia is among people):

cardiopalmus;
feeling of heaviness and pain in the chest;
feeling of lack of air;
numbness of the extremities, icing or tingling;
abdominal discomfort;
dry mouth;
frequent urge to go to the toilet;
sweating;
muscle tension;
dizziness;
confusion;
redness of the skin.

To make a diagnosis, it is important to have the third group of symptoms – the avoidance reaction. Examples of avoidant behavior:

refusal to answer calls, especially from unfamiliar numbers;
refusal to meet with friends;
dismissal from work or refusal to look for work;
avoiding people to the detriment of oneself (for example, refusing to go to shops, cafes, etc.);
attempts to relieve anxiety with alcohol and frequent smoking breaks;
inability to look your interlocutor in the eyes;
attempts to hide anxiety with makeup, clothes, accessories, etc.

Social phobia is associated with fear of criticism and condemnation, dependence on other people's opinions, and low self-esteem. Some people are afraid only of specific situations of social interaction, for example, speaking in public or making a phone call, being invited on a date or making an acquaintance. And some are afraid of everything related to social activity. This leads to the fact that the social phobia not only withdraws into itself, but also self-isolates at home.

The main feeling

What inevitably accompanies a patient in critical situations is fear. Fear of being judged by strangers, looking unattractive in the eyes of others, and creating a bad opinion of yourself. A person with social phobia has no idea that people may not pay attention to him at all.

The same herd instinct includes the need for approval from fellow humans. This is very important, since this aspect forms the basis for useful, correct behavior in society. As soon as a subject deviates from the norms of decency, he receives disapproval from members of society, and in certain cases, punishment. Therefore, fears for the opinions of others must be present to some extent in order to develop norms of behavior.

A social phobic has an exaggerated need for approval. A person is constantly in tension, thinking about what impression he will make on those around him. He strives to please, plays out in his head the best ways to resolve the situation.

Possessing low self-esteem, a socially phobic person is convinced of the impossibility of creating a good impression. Such individuals have an underestimated idea of their abilities. Patients focus their attention more on negative events, they are very self-critical, and show inflated demands on themselves.

Social phobes analyze any situation many times, think about what they did wrong and what should have been done. They remember one event for a long time and torment themselves for their “inappropriate” behavior, from their point of view. They think that they acted ridiculously and ridiculously. Such thoughts do not let the patient go at night, which is why their sleep is disturbed.

A person with social anxiety disorder develops a false sense of self. A socially anxious person is overly focused on personal feelings. He is too attentive to reactions. He has increased sensitivity to any changes, which is why he exaggerates the significance of emotions. The feeling of fear and anxiety in him is intensified. Exaggerated negative emotions form an individual’s incorrect self-perception.

People with social phobia exaggerate the negative attitudes of others and lack correct behavior skills. As a result, incorrect styles of behavior arise in them, preparing fertile ground for the development of the disease.

Six steps to overcome social phobia

How to overcome social phobia? To overcome social phobia on your own, use a simple 6-step program (social phobia, way to overcome).

Relaxation

Anxiety is the result of self-hypnosis. By playing out negative scenarios of an upcoming event, you instill in yourself an attitude of anxiety and anticipation of danger directly during the event. Train yourself to think about the upcoming event at a time when you are in a relaxed state. Take a warm bath, light aromatic candles, achieve a calm and confident state. In this state, think about the upcoming event. Practice this as often as possible, soon a stable connection will be formed in your mind between a relaxed state, self-confidence and an exciting event.

Search for social phobic situations

The more you avoid something, the more dangerous it seems to your psyche. Therefore, stop avoiding frightening situations, consciously look for them, immerse yourself in them, imagine what worries you. Don't forget to relax beforehand.

Look around

A social phobe is obsessed with himself and self-control. Learn to notice what is happening around you and concentrate on the little things. For example, consider the color of the walls, people's clothes, paintings that hang on the walls

If you feel that you are blushing or sweating, then try to switch your attention. The more you think, “I need to calm down,” the more worried you become.

Ask questions

Learn to be interested in people, to switch attention from your inner world to the inner world of other people. Ask them questions that require a detailed answer.

Listen carefully to the interlocutor, clarify something, ask additional questions, express your interest in the interlocutor.

Stop beating yourself up

Imagination is the enemy of a social phobe. The man is intimidating himself. For some reason he is sure that he can read people's thoughts. Every time you catch yourself trying to guess other people’s thoughts, say: “I actually don’t know what this person is thinking about me right now, or what people are thinking about me.”

Keep a positive attitude

Think about what thoughts you usually have when going into an exciting meeting. If you're thinking, "I hope I don't feel like I always do," that's completely wrong. But if you say “I feel great, I’m confident in myself,” this will create a positive attitude. Remember a situation in which you felt confident, remember this state, transfer it to the situation that is scary now.

Be yourself

The problem with a social phobe is that he does not accept himself, does not allow himself to be himself. Allow yourself to be imperfect, not like others, not what someone supposedly wants you to be. Play the role of a jester, allow yourself to be ridiculous and funny. This will give you confidence and allow you to relax. Practice in front of the mirror every day, then ask your friends to become your spectators.

"The person cannot be identified." Lawyer's comment

Legal director Polina Gabay points out that government decree No. 852 did indeed introduce a requirement for medical organizations to provide information to the Unified State Health System (USHIS). However, patient data enters this system in anonymized form and only for statistical purposes.

“This provision introduces another obligation for medical organizations - to place information in the Unified State Health Information System through the Medical Information System (MIS). This requirement sounds “in general” and does not say what exactly needs to be provided. Therefore, it is necessary to be guided by the regulations on the Uniform State Health Information System - this is government decree No. 555, it has been in force for several years. According to the document, information about work schedules, medical services, doctors’ schedules, as well as information about medical documentation should be provided. The patient data itself is provided in anonymized form. One of the subsystems of the Uniform State Health Information System is the Federal Electronic Medical Record, information about patients is entered into it only for statistics and only in an anonymized form, it is impossible to identify a person there,” comments Gabay.

Speaking about the resolution adopted in the summer of 2021, she explains that the legislator “is simply trying to force medical organizations to provide information to the Unified State Health Information System, and this obligation was assigned back in 2019.” Now this is a licensing requirement, for violation of which medical organizations can be held administratively liable.

“If you think about it, you can get into any information system - why go somewhere higher if you can get into the MIS of a specific hospital? Information from hospitals is already provided to the Insurance Fund, to insurance organizations, regardless of the Uniform State Health Information System, and it contains complete information about the patient. But this has nothing to do with these changes,” explains Gabay.

Causes

Most often, the first signs and symptoms of social phobia appear in a person quite early - between the ages of 11 and 13. After 20 years, this phobia practically does not arise on its own, but becomes a consequence of prolonged depression. Mostly women suffer from social phobia.

The following key factors influencing the development of the disease are identified:

heredity;
characteristics of temperament and nervous system;
social environment.

Psychologists have noticed that the risk of developing a social disorder increases if a relative in the family already suffers from this phobia. It is likely that social phobia is inherited. Or children copy the social anxiety of their parents by observing their behavior.

Interestingly, about 15% of people are born with a temperament characterized by behavioral inhibition. This is a feature of the functioning of the nervous system, in which a person is afraid of the outside world and is more immersed in himself. It is already observed in newborns. This feature increases the risk of developing social phobia.

Most often, social phobia develops against the background of self-doubt, which is characteristic of adolescents. It is during the period from 11 to 13 years that active interaction with society begins. Here are the most common causes of social disorder in adolescents.

Excessive criticism or, conversely, guardianship from parents.
The requirements for the child are too strict and difficult to meet.
Constant conflicts in the family and school.
Lack of necessary social approval.
Rejection from peers, ridicule and bullying at school.
Unsuccessful past experiences of interacting with people, for example, with the opposite sex.

In adults, social phobia can develop as a result of:

an inappropriate social environment that does not provide the necessary moral support;
prolonged depression;
experienced a stressful situation of strong intensity, for example, a disaster, a terrorist attack, etc.

For whom is excessive nervousness dangerous?

Young people are most susceptible to nervousness, because their psyche does not yet know how to cope with everyday stress.
But even at a young age, there are people who cope with problematic situations more easily and easily, and there are those whose nervous system is overly vulnerable. It is this category of people who most often experience problems in relationships with other people, communication, and self-realization. Communication is a fundamental process in the formation of personality, a necessary condition for any development. That is why excessive nervousness and embarrassment in communicating with others is a serious problem, due to which misunderstandings arise, the inability to concentrate on the subject of discussion, lack of satisfaction from the conversation and, as a result, a narrowing of the circle of communication.

At an early age, this situation is considered as natural, but over time, if the problem remains, the difficulties worsen and the person cannot harmoniously integrate into society, realize himself, and develop. That is why it is important to take care of reducing nervousness, even getting rid of it completely.

This complex irrational fear

Performing certain social actions, or actions accompanied by attention from strangers (fear of the gaze of passers-by, inability to do anything while being observed from the outside, for example, making work calls in the presence of colleagues), is not as simple as it seems at first glance. Social phobes are affected by uncontrolled fear, it fetters the will and affects various aspects of a person’s life

Having met an acquaintance who does not seem eager to communicate, does not make eye contact and is only able to mutter something under his breath, many are ready to attribute such behavior to a bad character, a bad mood or a general dislike of humanity. After all, it’s not so difficult to pull yourself together and maintain a basic conversation. But it seems so to people who are not familiar with such a problem from their own experience.

No one has any questions about whether schizophrenia can be considered a real disease; it is not customary to ask about this, much less try to impose your opinion on how to deal with it. But when it comes to social phobia, there will definitely be those who will convince you to throw the nonsense out of your head, skeptically present “arguments” that supposedly confirm that social phobia is a whim, and persuade you to pull yourself together.

A person with social phobia may well realize that all his fears are exaggerated or groundless, and yet this does not make overcoming them any easier. Some people with social phobia are afraid of many simple social situations, while others are afraid of only a few, such as those involving a lot of publicity.

Social phobia is sometimes called the disease of missed opportunities because all those who suffer from it constantly blame themselves for indecision, inexplicable stupor when it is important to take certain actions, turning down great chances simply because they might lead to contact with many strangers, and The stress from this is too much

What is the problem

Fear of people can manifest itself in different forms - from simple embarrassment when talking with a stranger to panic attacks when in public places.

It is very important to determine what exactly the problem is. Psychologists identify the following forms of fear of people:

shyness;
social phobia;
anthropophobia.

Each of them manifests differently and is treated in different ways.

Shyness

Shyness is not a type of phobia. However, it has a lot in common with the fear of people. Parents, as a rule, do not see anything wrong with the fact that their child is afraid of strangers, is shy in a new team and tries in every possible way to avoid other people’s company. They perceive it as a character trait and do not believe that it needs to be dealt with. But in vain! This is what happens in adult life to an overly shy and shy person.

It is difficult for him to start a family because he is afraid of meeting new people.
He has practically no friends. His entire social circle consists mainly of close relatives.
He doesn't know how to defend his opinion.
He often becomes depressed, depressed and generally dissatisfied with his life.
In stressful situations, he thinks unconstructively, becomes absent-minded and forgetful. Blames himself for everything.
He develops stable muscle tension and stooping.

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As you can see, it is extremely difficult for a shy person to live a full and happy life. Shyness brings many problems and is the cause of missed opportunities.

Social phobia

Social phobia is one of the most common anxiety disorders. Each of us has experienced its unpleasant symptoms at least once in our lives.

The first signs of social phobia may appear in childhood and then intensify during adolescence. A person suffering from social phobia behaves as follows when talking with people:

nervous;
does not look the interlocutor in the eyes;
answers with difficulty and reluctance;
trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

He is uncomfortable working in a large team. He is frightened not so much by the people themselves as by the need to communicate with them. Criticism, negative assessments and judgments, ridicule - this is what a social phobia is afraid of. It is because of the fear of being rejected, misunderstood or ridiculed that a person avoids public speaking and any communication with strangers. At the same time, he willingly communicates with relatives and friends and feels calm in their company.

Anthropophobia

Anthropophobia is translated from ancient Greek as “fear of people.” It is considered a neurotic disorder in which a person seeks to avoid the company of people in all possible ways. An anthropophobe may be afraid of:

a certain person;
a group of people who share a common characteristic (nationality, hair color, profession, etc.);
absolutely all people – both those he knows and strangers;
crowd.

At the moment, more than a hundred varieties of fear of people have been identified. Among them are the following forms:

Dentophobia – fear of dentists;
coulrophobia – fear of clowns;
xenophobia - fear of strangers, foreigners, strangers;
gerontophobia – fear of older people;
Pogonophobia is the fear of bearded people.

As you can see, the objects of phobias can vary greatly, and this makes diagnosing the disease difficult.

When an anthropophobe is close to the object of his fear or even just sees him, he begins to experience hostility, anxiety, and severe stress. In especially severe cases, a panic attack develops. These signs distinguish anthropophobia from social phobia, where the object of fear is the attention, attitude and evaluation of people, and not themselves.

Why agoraphobia is difficult to treat with medication

Unfortunately, there are no pills that can cure a person of a phobia. For neurotic and phobic disorders, patients are often prescribed tranquilizers, antipsychotics, and sedatives. But all such drugs only suppress the symptoms and do not eliminate the causes. They only work as long as you take them. That's why they experience withdrawal symptoms. After completing the course, agoraphobia often returns.

This does not mean at all that medications are useless and should not be taken. In severe conditions, when a person experiences panic and cannot bring himself to leave the house, medications are necessary.

They will help support the body during crises and ease the course of the phobia. But any phobic, anxiety, panic disorder is of a psychosomatic nature and is treated, first of all, with psychotherapy. Only conscious work on your psyche brings truly effective and lasting results, eliminating agoraphobia.

The most important thing is to understand and believe that you can get rid of this problem. And the sooner you start taking action, the better. Do not refuse medications if they have been prescribed to you and you yourself feel the need for them. But don’t rely too much on pills.

On a note!

All fears have a rational basis. There's a reason we're afraid of heights, airplanes, and snakes. Fearlessness can end sadly in a fall from a balcony or a poisonous bite, so you shouldn't strive to feel like an invulnerable superhero. But when fear becomes irrational and manifests itself in the absence of real threats, it is already a phobia. A person suffering from a phobia needs psychological help.

Why is it important to listen to yourself first?

Firstly, this and the only way to avoid the dangers described above.

Secondly, such a position is a guarantee that your life is in your hands, and you are insured against many troubles and mistakes. The words “from the outside know better” are absolutely not applicable when it comes to personal life. Even close, loving people cannot know exactly what you need to be happy. And even more so, outsiders cannot know this, who, moreover, may be driven by envy, self-interest, anger and other negative motives.

Of course, making your own decisions and putting them into practice is always a risk. The risk that you will not be able to achieve the desired result and the responsibility for this will fall entirely on your shoulders. The risk that someone dear to you will not accept your decision and will turn away from you forever. And here we are faced with two important topics that almost always come up in psychotherapy: freedom and responsibility. To stop being afraid of others means to gain much more opportunities for building your own life. Only few people manage to do this without the help of a psychologist.

And thirdly, only by learning to listen to yourself can you understand what to strive for and how to build your life. Otherwise, one day you will come to the sad realization that a stranger is nearby, work does not bring satisfaction, friends are nearby only when everything is fine, and life is not turning out at all as you once dreamed.

Why is social phobia dangerous?

A constant state of fear, anxiety and inferiority can lead to panic attacks, in which a person loses self-control. He may be afraid to leave the house, get into a crowded transport, the fear of society develops into a fear of closed (claustrophobia) or open (agarophobia) space.

It is necessary to establish an accurate diagnosis as soon as possible in order to undergo proper treatment in time, otherwise, running away from problems, a social phobe may resort to using alcohol or drugs. In this case, a person’s inability to adapt to reality is further aggravated and work activity decreases.

The worst result can be chronic depression and suicide. This outcome cannot be avoided without psychiatrists and specialized clinics.

how to get rid of mental pain

Where does nervousness come from?

Nervousness occurs when irritating factors appear.
They can be different, but as soon as they begin to affect a person, the latter loses concentration and all his mental and physical energy is directed towards these same irritants, which switch all attention to themselves. At the same time, nervous excitation cannot a priori be considered a 100% deviation from the norm. On the contrary, a person needs it in order to recognize positive or negative situations in life and react to them or avoid them. But since it can be difficult to stop being nervous when communicating, and this state causes discomfort, it is important to be able to get rid of tension.

The response to nervous stimuli should always be adequate. If nervousness is excessive, then this becomes a serious problem. Nervous tension turns into stress, depression and entails serious consequences at the mental and physiological level.

Improve yourself

The popular fear of rejection can be overcome by improving your own attractiveness in the eyes of the opposite sex, thereby reducing the likelihood of being rejected. Attractiveness consists of the following components:

External characteristics.
Everything is clear here: train in the gym for about a year, get a fashionable hairstyle, dress stylishly.
Voice and speaking ability.
Develop confident intonation, make your voice strong, and your diction clear. Regular vocal and stage speaking classes will help.
Non-verbal.
Gestures, facial expressions, posture, glances. We offer non-verbal communication training or an acting tutor.
Erudition.
Reading good literature.

You can get everything at once by enrolling in the Benefis School of Theater Arts. There they train their voice, teach them how to use intonation, diction, read and send non-verbal signals, and help broaden their horizons. The only thing you have to do separately is train in the gym.

Harmony with yourself

A person who is constantly afraid of something is highly susceptible to stress. A nervous emotional state can ultimately lead to psychophysical disorders and significant disruptions in the functioning of the entire body. To get rid of constant worries, you need to carefully work through your existing limiting beliefs. What does it mean? Allow yourself to gain freedom, those inner wings that will help you strive for great achievements. No matter how impossible your goals may seem now, you can achieve them if you believe that they are truly achievable. Coping with fear is not easy, but you have to keep fighting. One day you will realize that you have become so confident in yourself that you will overcome any obstacles.

Thus, overcoming any fear begins with systematic work with your character. Then you will feel that you can hold the entire universe in your palms.

Intimate talk

How not to be afraid of anything? If you really have some kind of deep, unhealed wound in your soul, then talking with a person you can completely trust will help. It is necessary to reach a deep level of trust with a loved one so that everyone can say what they really think. A heart-to-heart conversation will help you overcome any fears, because thanks to this you will understand that you are not alone

It is always important for a person to feel that his fate is not indifferent to his relatives and friends. If you can share your fears and scary thoughts with those around you, you will benefit as a result.

A heart-to-heart conversation will help strengthen your faith, find peace and comfort.