Psychology of friendship: types, how they are formed, differences and similarities

I received a question in the comments from the Wandering Preacher about what I think about true friendship. The short answer that friendship is mutual self-deception turned out to be too short, so I am presenting the full version.

So. What is friendship?

First of all, you need to remember that there is no such thing as “friendship”. That is, there are relationships between people that can be characterized in some way, and there is a tradition of calling a certain type of relationship friendship. But there is no independent entity called “friendship”. There are only real living relationships, without names and clear outlines.

It follows that concepts like “true friendship”, “true love” and the like are inherently absurd. If only specific interactions between specific people really exist, then how can one draw the line between the real and the non-real, between friendship and non-friendship, between love and non-love?

Nevertheless, it is still customary to draw a certain line. And this is done on the basis of an artificial rating scale. Here the situation is the same as if you were watching waves in the sea. Some go from left to right, others from right to left. Which ones are real? How to separate some waves from others if everything depends on which foot and which side the observer stands on?

One way or another, it’s generally believed that smaller waves mean friendship, and steeper waves mean love. But what is important is not the labels that we hang on them, not our opinions, but the waves themselves. That is, specific living relationships with a living person are important, and not what we call them, and what template we try to fit them into.

So is it even worth discussing what “true friendship” is? Let's take a better look at what friendship is meant in practice and what it all leads to.

[[Continued - female, male and other friendships]]

First, let's define friendship, what does it include?

Friendship is a close relationship based on trust, affection, common interests, mutual respect and mutual assistance.

Thus, the psychology of friendship presupposes sympathy and affection and affects the spiritual side of the human personality. It is considered the most moral feeling - friendship is even a purer moral manifestation than love, since it is not so demanding. At the same time, a person discovers his best qualities in friendship - he learns to be attentive, caring, show support, help, and always comes to the rescue in difficult situations.

As a rule, friendship presupposes a commonality of interests, which initially unites people. Let's take a closer look at what types of friendships there are, how they are formed, what are the differences and similarities.

Psychology of friendship and its types

The psychology of friendship pays great attention to the question of the reasons for the formation of friendship and the choice of friends. Initially, friendships arise in the process of common labor - hunting, farming, knightly wars. Obviously, a team is stronger than one person, uniting into tribes, teams, helps to overcome an opponent, a beast, and life’s adversities. In the modern world, a person is free to choose friends on his own, often using psychological compatibility and internal needs.

Friendship from the point of view of psychology identifies the following role forms of manifestation of friendship based on psychological needs

“Comrade” - unites common interests, joint employment, common projects, activities.
“Mirror” helps you get to know yourself, tells you what you look like, and helps you understand your own personality on a psychological level.
The “compassionate” is an excellent helper in difficult situations, provides moral support, serves as a psychotherapist, and heals emotional wounds.
“Interlocutor” is interesting for communication, there is a lot in common to discuss, a high level of mutual understanding, an opportunity to open up and be heard.
“Alter ego” is an internal feeling of similarity on a psychological level, the desire to be like a friend.
“Ideal” is a person who acts as a role model; we strive to adopt certain qualities, learn a new attitude towards life or gain new knowledge.
“Recharging” helps restore energy and mood, inspires you to new achievements, has a positive character, will always cheer you up and give you a great mood.

An ideal friend helps solve several psychological issues, then his value increases, because we feel the need to be together under different circumstances - in happiness and sorrow, as in family life.

The psychology of friendship determines the type of friendship based on the dating situation and the characteristics of the people entering into friendly relations.

The following situational types of friendship are distinguished:

Friendship from school years (occurs during school years, student years, sometimes continues in the future if there is a desire and interests that unite people);
Office friendship (formed as a result of constant contacts during working hours, the need to communicate with colleagues, usually temporary, although it can become strong and continue even after stopping work in the same team);
Business friendship (occurs between business partners, common aspirations for goals - creating projects, constant meetings, discussing prospects, mutual support and assistance, helping to unite and become friends);
Resort friendship (acquaintances during vacations, trips, business trips lead to the emergence of new friends; such relationships are usually temporary, although they can continue after separation and return to normal life).

People can meet for different reasons, but the main thing that unites them is a commonality of values, interests, and worldviews. You get the feeling of being a kindred spirit when it’s easy to communicate with a person, understands you well and inspires trust. Not everyone is capable of being true friends; some remain acquaintances. Therefore, true friends are of great value.

Depending on gender, the following types of friendship are distinguished:

Female friendship

The psychology of female friendship is built on constant communication and the desire to discuss current problems, which reduces stress levels. Girlfriends are always ready to sympathize and treat with understanding, without offering to change or become better. If you don’t want to look for a solution, but just talk, then your best friend is a woman. From a psychological point of view, female friendship is tested by success, not by troubles. When a friend is ready to share the joy and sincerely support in new aspirations, she is a real friend, not an envious person. You should appreciate such friends and try to maintain relationships as long as possible.

Trust is the main element of friendship; in female friendship you should be sure that they will understand, will not judge, and will not recommend unwanted actions even with good intentions. The biggest enemy of female friendship is envy and rivalry. If your friend is not prone to such manifestations, then you can be 100% confident in her. And the question: “Does female friendship exist?” - does not arise.

The psychology of girls' friendship is built on mutual understanding, respect, trust, but a person can have secrets that belong only to him, and there is no desire to dedicate to others, this is normal, everyone chooses their own level of intimacy in the relationship. We noticed that the presence of regular male partners allows female friendships to be stronger, as well as between single women, but it is difficult to break out of such an environment. The psychology of friendship among women allows us to note a high need for communication, which gives vent to emotions and helps to understand life situations. Therefore, having a close friend has a positive effect on mental well-being, increases life satisfaction, and even contributes to a healthier and longer life, as medical research shows. Friendship between women, psychology - allows you to understand the main features of relationships and friendships of representatives of the fair sex. As noted, women are quite emotional and sociable, and friendly relationships are an element of psychiatry and help restore mental balance.

Male friendship

It is considered real and ideal; examples are described in history and literature of “The Three Musketeers”. At the same time, friendly relations are built on mutual assistance, support, mutual protection, and participation in resolving issues. Men are united by common interests, work, hobbies. Men show emotions less, therefore they do not open up as much in friendship, spiritual closeness is less strong in comparison with women, however, friendly relationships can be quite strong and stable.

Usually, true friends are rare in life; over the years, their number decreases, and those who remain are valued even more - they have been tested over the years, through their actions, and have often helped out in difficult situations. Friends are essential in a person's life and having a close friend is happiness. It is important to protect and maintain relationships throughout life.

The psychology of male friendship is built on certain principles and interests:

Common affairs - friends love to spend time together, both at work and in leisure.
Convenience - friendly relations are mutually beneficial, provide mutual assistance in business, achieving success in various areas of life.
Mentoring - such a friend is usually older in age, but also has the knowledge necessary for development. The psychology of friendship between men is built on the desire for cooperation; a true friend will always come to the rescue in a difficult situation. Male friendship is tested in adversity; the desire for competition, different views on life, and the inability to combine friendship and family can be obstacles. Over the years, you can continue your friendships as families or occasionally meet up with your best friends on the weekends.

Children's friendship

The initial stage of the emergence of friendship, from the age of 2 children show interest in their peers, and at the age of 3-6 the first friends appear, friendships are built on mutual games, treats, they like children who are cheerful, who do not like to complain, and who are open to communication.

Friendship allows you to spend time together, visit, have fun, support, help, and show protection. The psychology of friendship states that these are relationship lessons that influence the ability to build relationships in adolescence and adulthood. The task of adults is to learn to make acquaintances, find an environment for communication, explain the rules of friendship - share, be attentive, help.

At the age of 7-10 years, school attachments appear, based on mutual interests - studying together in the same class, studying in clubs, constant contact (desk neighbor). Friendship is often perceived as cooperation - whoever learns best can help. At the same time, boys always have common things to do and have common ideas, while girls have conversations and discussions. By the age of 10, an understanding of mutual assistance and mutual obligations is formed, and friends acquire a special status.

From 11 to 14 years old is the period when the need for a close spiritual friend, mutual trust, and the desire to have an authoritative friend arises. Collective opinion, fashion, and current trends have a huge influence. Every teenager wants to be on a level with others, strive for recognition among their classmates.

15-18 years old - a new stage in the formation of personality, friendly relationships acquire a more personal character, helps restore mental strength, resembles psychotherapy - constant telephone conversations, correspondence, meetings. New demands are placed on a friend - understanding, devotion, the ability to help, and to listen. Friendship promotes self-affirmation and self-identification in the modern world and adult environment.

At the same time, it is necessary to realize that the ability to listen to others is necessary on a par with trust in friends. It is important to recognize who is trustworthy and will be able to keep secrets or minimize information, which leads to superficial communication. Friendship among children, psychology makes it possible to realize that this is a stage of preparation for adult life, the formation of self-esteem, promotes the development of confidence, the importance of having friendly relations in childhood and adolescence cannot be underestimated.

Friendship between a man and a woman

Quite an interesting and controversial question. In recent studies, psychologists are inclined to think that opposite-sex friendships are possible when close relationships are impossible for various reasons. Male friends can be more interesting in communication than girls - there is no envy, competition, more understanding and attention. Friendships arise between people who have common interests - work, creativity, hobbies.

The psychology of friendship suggests that friendly communication with the opposite sex can be interesting, but it is important to keep a distance so that friendship does not suddenly turn into love. There are often situations when one of the friends is in love and hopes for reciprocity, continuing to be friends. Often strong friendships arise at the beginning of a relationship, uniting spiritually. If a girl has a boyfriend and a close friend, this is an alarming sign: love relationships do not bring satisfaction, feelings fade, and there is a lack of understanding.

There are different opinions about opposite-sex friendships; life experience does not always confirm the success of friendship, although everything is possible. This issue still requires study and remains a mystery. As you can see, there are different types of friendship, but the principles and rules of friendship are similar. How to become a good friend, what to pay attention to in relationships with friends?

Safe Adult

In the case of building trusting and warm relationships between children and adults, it is appropriate to talk about the concept of a “safe adult,” experts say. Such a person is aware of his position of authority, is consistent in his words and actions, adheres to the rules he talks about, does not violate the child’s boundaries, and also makes sure that no one offends the children for whom he is responsible.

At the same time, it is important to talk about your boundaries and about their violation, if this happens. “In a relationship with a friend, I might be offended by some situation, and this is correct in friendship. This is how I define my boundaries in friendship. And the mentor sometimes puts these emotions aside and explains: “Listen, they don’t do this for this reason, for this reason, and for this reason,” explains Vinokurova. Since the mentor takes the position of a wiser participant in communication, his task is to be the first to take a step forward, if necessary.

Basic rules of friendship

Every person dreams of wonderful and loyal friends who are always there, ready to help and understand. However, let's put the question differently, in order to find a friend, just like a loved one, you need to be worthy of friendship, be able to make friends, show the best moral qualities, what requirements does friendship put forward, what lies at the basis of relationships?

The psychology of friendship defines the basic rules of friendship:

Exchange - friends strive to share information, successes, achievements, news. They are always ready to provide moral support and come to the rescue in difficult situations. They strive to be pleasant to communicate with, ready for mutual favors, sincere and open in communication.
Intimacy - this feature includes the presence of trust in friends, confidence in their reliability. There is a feeling of devotion, responsibility towards friends, and a desire to keep secrets.
Attitude towards third parties - the desire to protect a friend in front of other people, the ability to recognize and respect his other friends, calmly treat personal relationships, avoid criticism in public.
Coordination - it is important to understand that each person has his own personal space, there is no need to be intrusive, a desire for constant communication, he has his own life, interests, concerns. Constant teachings also do not bring joy to friends; respect for a person and his inner world should be a priority.

The secrets of friendship and strong relationships for many years depend on compliance with the code of friendship, unwritten rules. Initially, coordination and relationships with third parties play a big role, as an indicator of a friendly relationship. Over time, relationships become deeper, involve more trust, intimacy - reliability, devotion play a key role, in contrast to the standard exchange that is often found in public life.

Dangerous adult

In a relationship between a child and an adult, the responsibility for maintaining boundaries lies with the latter. Children do not always understand where these boundaries are (because their parents/guardians/educators have not yet taught them or have taught them incorrectly) and how to defend them. It is very easy for an older person to take advantage of this - consciously or accidentally. This creates risks for the child: he may not realize when communication with an adult becomes dangerous.

“Boundaries are not punishment. Boundaries are about agreement and predictability of life. If they move even in a direction that is pleasant for the child, it will still cause him a feeling of anxiety. Because he won’t understand when it [happens] like this and when it happens differently,” reports Sinkevich.