08/05/201612/11/2017 Nadezhda Plotnikova
Standard story: just yesterday there was a girl you loved next to you, who seemed to you an ideal candidate for the role of life partner and mother of future children. However, now you are alone - SHE is gone.
Maybe there is no love anymore, another guy has taken over her flighty heart, maybe you yourself are to blame for the breakup. But so far there is no strength to clarify the root cause, since mental suffering is becoming more and more intense.
All your thoughts now are only about how to forget the girl you love, and this is right, because only by getting rid of the fragments of past happiness can you prepare to meet new love.
You will suffer another time.
Still from the film “In Flight”
We don't know what happened to you. Perhaps this is a bitter separation due to the fact that she left for someone else, or unrequited love that you have been experiencing for a long time, or incompatible characters that do not allow you to be together.
Whatever it was, you were prepared to suffer, tear out your hair and complain to everyone about your difficult fate. However, all you need is to forget everything that happened and continue to breathe deeply, enjoying life in all its manifestations.
In this material we will tell you how to forget the girl you love. Naturally, it will not be easy, but with a serious approach you will succeed.
Is it possible to?
It is certainly possible to forget a girl after a breakup. But it’s one thing when it was a passing hobby, and quite another when it was the most important part of everyday and/or business life.
If there is an overestimated importance of the person who left, then it is much more painful to come to terms with this circumstance.
But when saying goodbye to a girl you don’t really like, doesn’t meet generally accepted standards of beauty, individual male preferences, rules of behavior, you don’t have to experience such a painful emptiness that will arise when parting with your beloved and desired one.
Why it is difficult to let go of the woman you love: psychological reasons
When a man makes attempts to forget the once dearly beloved girl, the thought of her keeps returning to him like a boomerang, especially if the breakup happened not so long ago.
A man is always interested in what his failed other half is doing , what he is thinking about, how he feels about him after everything that happened.
After all, just recently, a woman filled a man’s entire life: she cooked food, kept the house in order, was a friend and lover.
And even if a representative of the stronger sex did not love in return, it can be difficult for him to let the woman go forever, if only because he has lost his usual comfort zone. Even though he seems to be doing everything he can to get his ex out of his mind, the man is actually subconsciously using all his thoughts to focus on his ex .
Stop following her
So, let's start with the basics, without which all further actions will be absolutely useless. If you want to truly forget her, start with your social networks. Unfollow her on Instagram, unfriend her on VKontakte, block her on Facebook, stop following her on Twitter, and finally, forget about her other pages.
Otherwise, you will become fixated on all her online activities. Every post she makes will seem like a reference to your relationship, every new like from some guy will seem like the beginning of her new relationship with someone else.
Subsequently, your paranoia will go so far that you will not be able to do your usual things and will be stuck at the screen of your gadget for a long time in endless worries.
Just unfollow her and that's it.
Be busy
The famous psychologist Dale Carnegie once said: “The best medicine in the world is to stay busy.”
Indeed, having loaded themselves with work, people realize that they simply do not have time to think about extraneous things. An interesting hobby, help around the house, a new hobby - are there many activities that are more useful than endlessly savoring misfortune?
You need to ask friends for help and support. You can have a bachelor party and go to a nightclub. And there, perhaps, an acquaintance will occur that will make you forget everything unnecessary.
Start working
“I’m already working like that, geniuses”
, - you will think and you will be right. However, we mean real immersion in the work process, a sharp shift in your priorities towards your career.
Ask for more responsibilities at work (maybe you might even get promoted), try to acquire new career goals, achieve something you haven’t achieved before. In short, channel all your frustrated energy into your career. This way you will think about her much less, and maybe even forget about her.
How to forget a girl if you betrayed her yourself
When a girl finds out about a guy’s betrayal, trust in him disappears, hatred and anger appear. She will hate her loved one, break off the relationship and leave. The guy should try to forget his companion: refrain from meetings and communication. There is no point in drowning your grief with alcohol. The young man will lose his temper and call and ask to come back.
The main thing is to get used to it, to accept the fact that the girl has left. To forget about it, you need to be distracted and immersed in work. Over time, another will meet - in six months, a year. In order not to repeat past mistakes, try not to betray your loved one.
Note! Letting go of someone you love hurts. If a guy wants to get her back, you need to find out: why does he want to do this?
Take off your rose-colored glasses
Many people, after breaking up with loved ones, have an irresistible urge to idealize and romanticize their past, believing that it was the best relationship of their lives. We have no doubt that you had some great times together, but be honest with yourself and admit that not everything was always smooth sailing.
So take your gadget or a piece of paper (if that's more convenient for you) and make a list of things that annoyed you about your ex. Also, do not forget to write down all the cases of your quarrels and disagreements.
Now you have a tool that will help you come down to earth whenever you want to remember how perfect your relationship was.
Just re-read it at such moments.
Stages of separation
Psychologists say that the breakdown of a relationship between a man and a woman includes several main stages that must be passed through for complete recovery. Understanding the features of this process will make it easier to cope with a breakup:
- Objection. The person denies what happened. If a guy is dumped by a girl, he hopes that she will come to her senses and want to come back.
- Anger. When the stage of denial passes, a person begins to feel anger towards the one who abandoned him. He can speak negatively about her, spread rumors, take revenge and intentionally hurt his ex-lover if he knows her weak points.
- Faith in the best. If a guy loves a girl very much, he can make an attempt upon her return and begin again to win the favor of his beloved.
- Apathy and depression. A man doesn’t want anything, he lies in bed all day long and eats or drinks away stress.
- New life. The pain goes away, and the realization sets in that this is what was supposed to happen. There is no trace of resentment left, indifference disappears. At this stage, new acquaintances and building harmonious relationships with a more suitable partner are possible.
No more random encounters (with her)
Just because you know where she works, where she goes on weekends, who she communicates with, and how she likes to spend time in the evenings, this does not mean that you need to use this information.
You shouldn’t think that if you allegedly accidentally walk near her place of work, she will notice you and understand how wrong she was, after which she will rush into her arms to ask for a reunion.
Most likely, you will meet, exchange some routine remarks, create a tense environment for each other, and after all this she will still think that you are desperate and will want to see you even less.
What should you not do?
Negative consequences of constantly thinking about another person, or what not to do:
- break away from reality, lose track of time;
- getting stuck in positive moments and memories that make you suffer;
- neglect your favorite activities, relatives and friends after separation;
- living with false hopes of entering “the same river twice”;
- think that all women are traitors and you can’t build a serious relationship with any of them.
Speak out
If you've been bottling up your feelings about your breakup for a long time, it's time to let them out. To do this, you can invite your best friends to a bar, tell them everything you think about your failed love, scream a little, drink a lot (just don't overdo it), and then wake up the next day feeling like a reborn person.
Naturally, in order to completely move away from bitter thoughts, a person needs time. Allow yourself to grieve a little, just don't fall into a depressed state and be able to throw out your emotions at the right time.
Feelings and emotions of a girl who left (examples based on surveys of different age groups)
Statistics show that teenage girls who leave their boyfriends feel empty and broken in their souls. They expected pure, bright feelings from their first love, thinking that this would last forever.
Young ladies 25–30 years old are angry from disappointment in their partner. They think they deserve better.
Ladies between 30 and 40 are empty inside. At this age, they part with their loved one without remorse, nothing holds them back.
Women over 40 feel guilty for leaving a man, because they lived together for many years. They are tormented by thoughts of “Did I do the right thing?”
However, know when to stop.
Everything in this life should be in moderation, even grief over your unhappy relationships. Therefore, if you think too much and tell everyone about your problem, you can become seriously obsessed with it.
You can talk about it endlessly, but it won't change anything. At some point, it turns out that you are simply replaying negative memories in your head and sharing them with others. Again and again.
In this case, it is better to take positive action and finally let go of the past.
Live
We will not write so that you do not be sad, worry and suffer.
Drink this cocktail of negative emotions to the dregs.
Firstly, you have every right to do this.
Secondly, mental suffering that is not lived through in time is very likely to affect health in the future.
Give yourself a few days or weeks to suffer. During this period, you may engage in self-flagellation, complain to friends and feel sorry for yourself.
Next, you and I will spend resources more productively.
Stop biting yourself
Don't blame yourself for the fact that you still can't get rid of thoughts about your ex. Don't blame yourself for not following our advice, for checking her Instagram to see how she's doing. You shouldn’t blame yourself for the fact that you’ve already hung around her favorite cafe several times, hoping to meet her.
Being angry with yourself in such cases is not the most productive feeling. It prevents you from forgetting your ex-girlfriend and moving towards a new life in which many interesting events and people await you.
If at the moment you are having trouble coming to terms with the thought of a breakup, remember that time is the best healer of broken hearts. Therefore, continue to live your own life, reflect (but without fanaticism), mind your own business and at some point you will realize that you cannot remember the last time you thought about your ex.
- Author: Dmitry Petrosyants
Effective methods and tips
- Defining the situation as a given . Be honest with yourself and the fait accompli. Clear your mind of unnecessary memories that burden you with new impressions - a book or film, meeting an interesting person or a trip to another country. Now it doesn’t matter how you feel about your chosen one and what you expect from her. This is the perfect time to be selfish and think only about yourself and not about her.
- Maintaining distance. You need to completely distance yourself from the person you want to stop thinking about: both physically and mentally. If you have to cross paths every day because of school, work or personal matters, indicate and determine how often (or rather, rarely!) this should happen. Meetings and contacts with her should be limited to absolutely necessary situations not related to your personal relationship.
So, avoid places where you might run into your ex, don't follow her social media profiles, don't contact her on your own, and don't seek out new information about your love life through mutual friends or family. Help your head by minimizing irritants.
Try to maintain, in addition to external, internal distance. Think about what now belongs exclusively to your life. Focus all your attention on this aspect and do not allow a woman to interfere in your life as an “ex”. Bring back aspects of existence to yourself.
New Horizons . Interesting hobbies and activities are win-win tools to stop thinking about another person.
This could be returning to an activity you once gave up and enjoyed, or something completely new that had to be put on hold because of a lady.
A dance course, sports, traveling to another country, foreign language lessons, maintaining an online blog - there are many original options. Don't be afraid to look for something that will truly reflect you and your needs from the usual feminine ones.
If you don't want to or can't do one of the above suggestions, you just need to change your life. You can do new things with friends, change your diet, start riding a bike to work, or radically change your appearance or hairstyle. The main thing is that the experience is positive and worthy of a real man.
- Spiritual growth. When a person thinks about someone with whom he cannot be, it causes sadness and disappointment, but not only that. By focusing his thoughts on another person, a man automatically lowers his self-esteem.
This is because the psyche values another person more, and even one with whom it is impossible to be close. Therefore, it is better to direct energy not outward, but inward. Spiritual development is, first of all, the restoration of the space of the mind and soul.
Get in touch with your personal self, unleash your creative potential and direct it towards self-development. This will allow you to easily and quickly restore an adequate perception of yourself, which, in turn, will guarantee that you will be able to distract yourself from your loved one.
Ways to reduce the importance of a wife for a man after a divorce
- The starting point in reducing the importance of a woman for a man is a deep understanding of the belief “There are many women, I am one.” After this, you can calmly perceive any individual girl in your life and build a typically “male” style of behavior. Communicate with the opposite sex, flirt, make advances: realize that your ex is not the only woman in the entire Universe. There are other girls - much more attractive, more interesting, smarter.
- The second aspect is the use of a female technique called “alternate airfield” for their own purposes. Greater independence in relationships comes from expanding your circle of acquaintances. Try dating two girls at the same time - and you will understand that the importance of your ex has noticeably dropped.
- The previous two methods are the mindset of an effective macho and Casanova, so they will require prior training and experience. Therefore, a more serious approach is appropriate. For example, an objective assessment of the disadvantages of the chosen one, which are more than the advantages, focusing on the advantages of a free life, uncertainty about the future with a woman who does not know how to run a house, etc.
