7 actions that kill love
It has long been a widespread assertion that love lasts three years, and then a surge of hormones gives way to routine. In practice, it turns out that many relationships do not even last up to three years, because men and women have a lot of ways to destroy them.
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And all because no one has yet given an accurate definition of true love.
Did you know that love is a disease? In any case, the World Health Organization classified it as a mental illness and even issued a special serial number. From now on, the international code for love in the disease registry is F 63.9. And like all diseases, love has its own symptoms: obsessive thoughts, insomnia, sudden mood swings, unexpected impulsive actions, headaches and changes in blood pressure.
But still, when we have a headache or can’t sleep all night, the last thing we think about is that these are signals of the approach of great love. This feeling is difficult to explain, but a number of obvious signs can be listed.
You have no doubt
If Cupid shoots in the heart, then this shot is well-aimed and leaves the victim no chance of salvation. We fall in love irreversibly: neither relatives, nor circumstances, nor distances, nor natural disasters can prevent this feeling.
Let your friends repeat a thousand times that he is not your match, and your mother confidently declare that she did not raise you for this - this will not raise any doubts about the sincerity and correctness of feelings. You simply understand that the puzzle has come together: with this person you clearly see your own future in a year, five, ten years and imagine him in the role of a spouse and parent.
Love
Falling in love is an emotional state when the chosen one, contrary to the signals of the mind, is endowed with exclusively positive qualities, and the negative ones are not only ignored, but are not taken into account at all. Falling in love lasts differently for everyone - from three weeks to several months. But sooner or later it definitely passes, since it is an intermediate state, and not a deep feeling. And then it’s as if a veil suddenly falls from your eyes and your chosen one appears in all his true glory with all his vices and shortcomings. And if what you see does not cause sharp rejection and remains attractive to the other half, then this, most likely, is true love.
Learn to forgive
Collecting a collection of grievances is a futile exercise. Love, although it is a disease F 63.9, in this case serves as a universal vaccination against this hobby. Lovers are always ready to forgive each other. This does not come easy for them: sometimes it literally takes years. The feeling of resentment is also very strong and often competes with love. Where betrayal occurs, a serious spiritual battle begins. Strong love can overcome all grievances and heal any emotional wounds.
Passion
Passion most often manifests itself in relation to brilliant personalities - movie or pop stars, famous artists or directors, scientific luminaries, musicians, writers and other people who have succeeded in life and arouse the admiration of others. Wives and husbands in love often sacrifice their personal careers to ensure the successful creativity of their chosen one. This feeling is based on sincere admiration for the abilities of the loved one and his achievements. You can live your life happily in such a marriage, but on the condition that the half of the family serving the genius is not burdened by such a secondary position.
Your feelings may not last forever
There is a myth among lovers that true love is something that happens once in a lifetime. If you have already fallen in love, you will never stop loving, and if you have lost your love, then you will never experience this again. But in life everything changes and everything, unfortunately or fortunately, passes. Love is a skill akin to riding a bicycle: once you learn it, you can’t unlearn it. After an unfortunate fall, it helps to get up and continue moving towards new love.
It is also important to keep in mind that everyone has their own formula for true love, their own secret - the place from which the necessary inspiration and nourishment is drawn.
True love: what it is, signs, how to preserve it
True love is not about a racing heart or staring at you. It takes quite a long time for true love to arise.
Contrary to popular belief, love at first sight is not the same as true love.
This is nothing more than infatuation, a strong surge of romantic and sexual emotions that fill your mind.
When you first start dating someone or have feelings for someone at first sight, what you feel is not love, even if it seems like that rare feeling.
You are simply experiencing the first stage of love - falling in love.
What is true love
The concept of true love, ironically, cannot be contained in one definition.
This is the kind of love that most of us strive for, but only a few actually find it or realize this emotion until it is too late.
Read: types of love
So what is true love? This is a feeling, as a result of which a person behaves beyond the usual behavior of ordinary lovers.
When someone hurts you, you get angry with him. If someone is lucky: he earned money or got a better job, you envy him. When someone tries to humiliate you, you want revenge.
This is normal human behavior, and it seems to you that these qualities are deeply rooted within you, becoming part of your essence.
But when you feel true love for someone, your normal behavior towards that person changes.
Figuratively speaking, even having received a slap in the face from the object of your love, you may not want to turn the other cheek, but the thought of revenge for what you have done will not arise in your head.
When a person experiences true love
True love takes time to arise and manifest itself. What you experience in the first and even second year of a relationship is falling in love based on sexual attraction.
When outbursts of emotions begin to disappear after the first quarrels and misunderstandings that arise, your feelings will definitely be tested for strength. As a result, the idyll of many couples is destroyed due to incompatibility.
If you are in a relationship where you truly understand each other and feel genuine closeness and compatibility, and most importantly, love each other for a long time, chances are you are already experiencing true love.
Does true love exist
Does true love only happen once in a lifetime? Not really. You can experience it many times and with different people.
But true love can also fade over time.
For most of us, first love is the first time we experience the purest form of true love.
We are not afraid to let that special person into our hearts, and we are not worried about the possibility of heartbreak. We are fearless in love, and we love sincerely and passionately.
But when the first relationship ends, the love we thought was real also gradually disappears, even if it takes years and several new relationships to fall out of love with a person.
After people have experienced more than one relationship, many of them are divided into two groups: those who believe in true love, and those who are sure that true love does not exist.
Your experience of love can play a significant role in your understanding and expectations of true love.
And if you're wondering if true and romantic love are the same, they're not, even though we almost always associate true love with romantic love.
True love is unconditional love in its purest form, while romantic love is based on physical attraction.
True love can't be faked
True love is experienced sincerely and naturally. You can't fake it, no matter how hard you try.
If a couple cannot pass the compatibility test during the falling in love stage, it will be difficult for them to ever experience true love.
On the other hand, if both partners are able to understand each other, and they are sure that they are made for each other, over time they will begin to truly love and be able to become one.
As a result, such relationships will turn into pure and selfless love, which we call real.
Signs of love
Desire to give
The desire to invest in a partner and in a relationship is unconditional, not reinforced by the desire or expectation of getting something in return to confirm the validity of your actions.
Simple happiness
The moment you simply watch your other half smile, your heart overflows with happiness, even if today turned out to be very difficult.
Pain and anger
You feel pain when your loved one upsets you, but you are never annoyed by his actions.
You can't stay mad at him for long because fighting and ignoring him hurts you even more.
Ability to Sacrifice
You are capable of sacrificing your happiness or well-being, even if your girlfriend (boyfriend) will never fully appreciate it.
Reasonable Efforts
You go to great lengths and make efforts to improve relationships, and you also make a conscious effort to please your partner and make them feel loved and special.
You will never hurt them
When you are truly in love with someone, you cannot even think about hurting them, either emotionally or physically.
You to me, I to you is a strong human instinct, but true love makes you completely selfless.
Keeping all promises
If you make a promise to your significant other, you make sure to keep your word, even if your loved one will never know that the promise was not kept.
When you experience true love, your moral side becomes very strong towards the object of your feelings.
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In a relationship, it is important to have personal space so that the man and woman can develop as individuals.
But at the same time, if you truly love your partner, you will treat him as part of your life.
When you think about your future, you cannot imagine it without your loved one.
You share their burden
And you do it, even if it is difficult for you. You can't see your other half suffering.
If she is dealing with a problem, you are always ready to offer a helping hand, even if you have your own difficulties and time constraints.
Pride and jealousy
You are filled with pride when your loved ones achieve something, even if you yourself could not achieve it.
You may be jealous of your life partners, but if we are talking about true love, there will be no place for jealousy in your relationship.
Suffering
You are willing to suffer just to see your loved ones happy.
Your actions are inseparable from their interests
When you're busy doing something, your actions are carried out taking into account the interests of your girlfriend (boyfriend), whether it's planning a party or hanging out with friends after work.
You don't want to hurt your significant other, so you can always look at a situation from their point of view before making any decision if it might affect them.
How to keep love
Falling under the power of feelings is not so difficult, but in order to maintain the spark of love for a long time, you will need to work.
However, as long as working on your relationship feels less like work and more like play, you should be fine.
1. Try your best to love your partner unconditionally, even if you find it difficult to behave without being selfish.
2. Consider issues that arise from your loved one's perspective.
3. Learn to make peace as soon as possible, even if hugging your girlfriend (boyfriend) is the last thing on your mind right now.
4. Make love regularly, but never set aside time for it. Planning your intimate life can easily turn it into unbearable boredom.
5. Establish a dialogue with each other and develop your love together, never stopping sincere communication.
6. Learn to give each other personal space so that you can both grow as individuals. Even the closest relationships require a pinch of solitude to allow each other to take a breath from time to time.
7. Never take each other for granted. This is the easiest way to become a victim of misunderstandings, quarrels and circumstances.
8. If absolutely necessary, use lies for good, unless, of course, this deception is insignificant and cannot affect your relationship, but can make your partner happy.
9. Never shy away from positive criticism. If you speak constructively, your words will help your girlfriend (boyfriend) become an even better person.
10. Be the shoulder you can rely on no matter what. Difficult times are a testing phase for your relationship. Stay close, and when the storm ends, love will shine even brighter.
11. Never argue in public, but show your affection publicly.
12. Don't let your sexual attraction for each other fade, which also includes keeping yourself in good physical shape and generally taking care of your appearance. Just because you've been in a relationship for a long time doesn't mean you can afford to look like a beggar under a store.
13. Compliment your girlfriend (boyfriend), even if they did a completely ordinary job. Compliments are the best way to thank your loved one for the efforts they have made for you, no matter the scale of the service provided.
14. Celebrate important events. Birthdays and anniversaries may happen many times in your life, but it's moments like these that create memories.
15. Never intentionally try to make your lover feel bad or look bad. Such actions can leave a deep scar that can damage the relationship.
16. Learn to forgive without offense. No matter how difficult it may be, forgiveness is one of the qualities of true love that is one of the most important in a relationship.
17. Respect your chosen ones with all your heart.
18. Trust your girlfriend (boyfriend) and your instincts, even if others say otherwise.
19. Never drip on each other’s brains, even when you are overcome by temptation, crumpled out of anger or disappointment.
20. Learn to spend quality time together. There is no better way to come to true love than through the process of effectively spending time, because in this case your relationship will develop rapidly.
21. Don’t make a serious face, as if a serious relationship is very difficult, responsible and stressful. Be playful like children. Evening pillow fights won't hurt either of you, but they can help you both enjoy your relationship.
22. Be spontaneous. Don't wait for special occasions or special occasions to express your love. Unexpected surprises always bring more positive emotions than planned events.
23. True love has no recipe, because every relationship has its own characteristics. Instead of relying solely on the experiences of others, remember to learn from your own successes and failures.
Conclusion
If you're in a relationship and don't experience signs of true love, don't worry. Perhaps your relationship has not reached a state of emotional maturity that transcends physical attraction or the stage of falling in love.
Don't rush and take unnecessary steps. You can't force yourself to fall in love with someone for real, instead try to understand each other better.
But if you don't do anything to ensure that happiness reigns in your love, perhaps it will be better for both of you to build relationships with other people.
At the same time, if you both are already happy in your relationship, don't try to change anything. More often than not, selfless and unconditional love takes time to materialize.
You can't push yourself to the next stage in love until you're both ready for it. But if you are happy and understand each other, you are already experiencing true love.
Differences
Love | Sympathy, friendship, attraction, affection, etc. |
Love is quietly formed over several years | Can occur quickly and severely |
With sincere love, a partner’s individuality and personality are valued | What attracts the most is the outer shell of a person |
Attitude in love: giving | Relationship in passion and sympathy: taker |
Adequate assessment | Complete idealization |
Dedication | Selfishness |
Unlike true love, other feelings are tied to profit, noble intentions and other irrational concepts. When a person sincerely fell in love, public opinion and the material component became unimportant for him.
True signs of love
Real love, although a relative concept, is quite achievable. To understand whether REAL love has overtaken you, you need to be more careful and rely on the available signs:
- Trying to unravel the soul of your soulmate;
- Sincerely afraid of losing a partner;
- Be ready to support your soul mate in his aspirations, to follow her into the unknown;
- Experience desire and attraction;
- Feel your life full and rich next to your partner.
Love in old age