10 first date etiquette rules to ensure everything works out

Olga Kuznetsova

A psychologist and linguist by training, he currently teaches languages. And looking for his soul mate.

I was once in a relationship with a wonderful man and was happy. And then everything collapsed. Not right away, of course, but more on that some other time. Of course, I was worried. And for quite a long time. And then I decided that it was time to create a new relationship. And about a month ago I registered on a dating site.

There was a time when I listened distantly to the endless unsuccessful attempts of my friends to “find something decent there.” They often complained that their first dates with “amazing men” ended up being their last. Therefore, when starting this stage, I tried to foresee, if not everything, then a lot. And to my surprise, everything went well every time!

Solving this problem, I formulated several simple rules, and now I want to share them. Let's start with the most important thing.

Follow the dress code

It doesn’t matter whether you met on the Internet or have been in a friendly relationship for a long time and decided to move on to the love plane, on the first date you should be yourself, observing the basic rules of etiquette. You need to start with your appearance - clothes should be clean, neat, appropriate for the situation. When going to a restaurant, follow the dress code, for example, girls should avoid extremely short skirts and deep necklines, and men should avoid sweatpants and stretched T-shirts.

Getting rid of misconceptions

On the eve of a date it will be superfluous, some common misconceptions:

naive fears When getting ready for a long-awaited meeting, a girl gradually convinces herself that her new acquaintance is only interested in sexual contacts. Therefore, when communicating with a young man, she puts on a mask of inaccessibility. “I’m not ready for a close relationship” is her main style of behavior. You should not defend yourself without waiting for an attack. Perhaps the man had no intentions at all other than meeting another representative of the fair sex.
suspicious distrust The woman expects a trick in advance, prepares to be deceived. She is convinced that a stranger must be extremely sincere and honest. Trying to catch her partner in a lie, she herself forces him to lie.
a riot of fantasy A beautiful picture created by a rich imagination does not coincide with the original. You should not trust photographs on the Internet, absentee descriptions and characteristics. If you let your imagination run wild, you won’t be disappointed.

To avoid becoming another victim of stereotypical thinking, do not try to predict the development of events. Everything has its time. You will always have time to be upset, but in the meantime, prepare and hope.

Remember gallantry

If you go on a first date to a cafe or restaurant, then it is important to remember the basic rules of restaurant etiquette. A well-mannered man will always open and hold the door for a girl, letting her through, and help her take off her cloak or coat in the wardrobe. As for pulling up chairs when sitting at the table, this is not at all necessary; the waiter can handle this, if necessary. The girl is the first to order from the menu, and the number of dishes for the couple must match, so that it does not turn out that the lady ordered only a light salad, and the man ordered borscht, lamb on a spit and a bottle of cognac. And try to choose dishes that are difficult to get dirty so as not to look untidy.

Preparation

In general, preparation can take place within two strategies:

Naturalness. You behave approximately the same way you always behaved, without trying to portray something that, in principle, you never were. Advice: if you are a weightlifter and wholeheartedly support a healthy lifestyle, you don’t need to wear glasses, a suit and quote Brodsky out loud in thirty-minute monologues.
Game of masks. Let’s say a girl you see is crazy about bikes and dreams of joining one of the elite biker clubs. You have an idea about two-wheeled beasts only from watching the movie “Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man,” but you want to give the impression of “that guy.” Advice: serious preparation will be required, a comprehensive study of the issue and the party, a lesson in riding a bike.

Which strategy should you choose? Depends entirely on your intentions. If you are considering a girl as a future partner for a long-term relationship together, it is pointless to portray another person - you cannot build a long-term relationship on such a foundation. All the same, the person who is with you every day will split the deception very quickly.

If you don’t make any far-reaching plans, why not play? In the end, new emotions and meetings help to pleasantly diversify the time. And who knows, maybe in a new hobby and a new “mask” you will find yourself and discover new sides of your character.

Be discreet

It’s worth preparing in advance for a conversation on a first date, especially if you don’t know each other very well. You can even make a list of questions, but not too personal: they can relate to hobbies, travel, favorite films or musicians. You should not ask questions about earnings, past relationships, health problems - these conversations are not for the first date, leave them for later. And try not to go into details about divorce, treacherous exes, or how you dream of quickly getting married and having five children.

How to behave on the first date if you want there to be a second? Now we'll tell you!

Still from the film “Casino Royale”

Nobody knows how your date with a new girl will end today - you may never meet again, or you may have a bunch of children after a while. But regardless of the outcome, you'll likely want to make a good impression on her. Did you guess it?

If so, then before “hour X” you have a thousand questions: how to choose the right meeting place, what to say about yourself, what questions to ask her and how to hint that you don’t mind continuing your acquaintance?

Don't panic! We are ready to “equip” you before this important event with tips that work.

Look into your eyes

Everyone feels awkward on a first date, but try to act natural and friendly. In the end, everyone wants to understand whether they are interested in him or not. At the same time, you don’t need to immediately take the lady by the hand or give the gentleman a friendly pat on the shoulder after a successful joke. It is enough to establish eye contact - look into the eyes of the other person so that the conversation is more confidential and calm. Try not to take closed poses, cross your arms over your chest or look to the side or at your feet all the time - this is impolite.

Location

Usually it falls on the man's shoulders to organize the first romantic meeting. The place chosen for these purposes influences the course of the entire date, whether the girl will be satisfied with him or whether she will be disappointed in her chosen one.

It is considered indecent to postpone a first date more than twice, especially if there is no good reason for it.

Where to take a girl depends on her temperament. You can choose the following places:

Cafe . It is advisable to hold a meeting lasting 2-3 hours in an establishment where it is cozy and calm. This way you can learn more about each other in conversation.
Ice rink . Naturally, you can make an appointment at the skating rink only if skating is your common hobby. In general, it’s very romantic to go ice skating. Positive emotions and cheerfulness will be ensured. In addition, after the skating rink you can visit the cafe and drink a cup of hot coffee. Plus, the topic for conversation after such a lesson is already ready.
Theater, exhibition . If a girl is a creative and romantic person, she will appreciate an invitation to an exhibition of paintings or to the premiere of a play.
Movie . If your date doesn't have a time limit, you can go to the cinema, then continue chatting in the cafeteria. If there are awkward pauses in the conversation, you can discuss a movie you recently watched.
Street . If you are sociable and confident, you can invite a girl to walk along the city streets, being sure to choose the most beautiful and interesting places for the route.
Entertainment facilities . If a girl is passionate and active, you can safely invite her to bowling or billiards. By competing with you and feeling your support, she will experience positive emotions and will like you.

From the proposed places for a first date, feel free to cross out the most unsuccessful ones:

Stadium, sporting event . It is doubtful that a girl would like an invitation to a sports stand to watch a man’s favorite team play. Feeling out of place at such an event, she is unlikely to accept the invitation to meet again.
Hike . An invitation to a camping trip as a first date will only result in a girl being tired and wanting to be home. Unless, of course, she is a crazy lover of living outdoors in a tent, even with a stranger.

Unusual places for a first date:

visiting quest rooms,
large trampolines,
wind tunnel,
visiting the roof of a multi-storey building, which offers a beautiful view,
boat trip on a river or lake,
karting,
horse ride,
dinner in the greenhouse.

Expect to pay your share of the bill

Perhaps the most concerning question for everyone is who should pay on the first date. Rule number one is that the one who invites always pays the bill. And it’s usually a man who invites. But many ladies feel awkward when they are paid on the first date, especially if it has become clear that there will not be a second date. Therefore, rule number two is to be prepared to pay for the food and drinks you order, and if necessary, offer to split the bill with your partner. A man can agree or not, but you shouldn’t argue about payment and put everyone around you in an awkward position.

How to behave after the first date?

Sometimes, unfortunately, it happens that after the first meeting one of you has no desire to see each other again. This is not fatal, but we advise you to never promise a girl to call her back if you have definitely decided that you will not do this. Find the courage to be honest (but polite).

What if everything went great and now you're impatient? If you suddenly heard somewhere the “three days” rule, then forget about it: in our fast-paced age, disappearing for such a long time after the first meeting is already a little strange and unnatural if you like each other.

After you've said goodbye, write her a message some time later saying that you enjoyed your date and ask her about when and where you can see each other again.

If this girl likes you, then she will probably like this behavior much more than playing “fatal and mysterious macho.” Be yourself - this is the most important rule of behavior

both before, during, and after the first date.

Author: Maria Minaeva

So what is next…

The first date is over, but questions remain. And the most exciting of them: how a girl should behave after a date if a new meeting has not been scheduled. Think about what is best for you:

take the initiative and offer to continue communication. If you have enough determination, act immediately;
Limit yourself to a regular message, ask about your well-being or how you are doing at work, and don’t insist on another meeting. Write and wait for the next step from your chosen one;
choose a passive position and patiently look at the silent phone.

Any decision will be correct. Not only women, but also men experience fear of new relationships. Perhaps your active position will help your partner to be bolder and more decisive. Don't be afraid to get rejected. After all, a negative result is also a result. He will force you to move on without wasting time.

Mistakes when communicating with guys

What to ask a girl and what topics you can talk to her about
To understand how to find a topic to talk with a guy, you need to try to find out as much as possible about his interests. To do this you need to ask direct questions. Eliminate hints that a man may not understand. In addition, if he finds himself in an uncomfortable position, he will most likely become upset, and his spoiled mood will affect the course of the conversation.

When receiving an answer to a question, you need to listen without interrupting the story with your own stories, without turning the conversation on yourself. In order for a man to be satisfied after a conversation, you need to allow him to talk more. It is better to start a conversation about familiar things or events so that you have the opportunity to express your opinion and indicate your position. To avoid running out of topics for communication with a guy, you cannot:

Inappropriate topics

When talking to a man you should not talk about:

Money. Such a discussion may lead to the idea that a woman is interested in the material side of a young man’s life;
Past relationships. Such a conversation can cause an unpredictable reaction, the man will think that he is being compared or looking for traits that resemble another person;
Relatives. You should especially not broach the topic if this is an acquaintance or one of the first meetings. It’s better to put family life stories aside for a while;
Diseases. Such a conversation can ruin the mood of anyone, not just a man.

Also, do not speak too categorically and use rude words and phrases in your speech. This behavior can frighten and discourage further communication.

Failed communication

Important! Topics for conversation with a man should not include sad stories; you should not complain or cry, especially at the beginning of dating. Guys don’t like women’s tears, many are even afraid and don’t know at all what to do with an upset woman. Moreover, young people themselves do not mind complaining about their hard life so that they will be pitied.

What to say to your beloved man for the highest achievements and success

And no one will be better off because of this, because if a person begins to develop like this in some team, it means he has found himself in the right place - a seed has sprouted there. But then the sprout, when it has appeared, it needs to be supported, it needs to be watered, encouraged.

And maybe at first his experiments give results that are still unclear how to adapt. But what he will come to can easily turn out to be something that no one has done before.

He is interested, he tries to be even better at it. For example, in the book he found some useful method that no one had ever used at work. But he took it and applied it. And we got some results that the customer even accepted and paid for. In this case, this is still not bad for the entire organization. This deserves to be at least praised.

And if it is more difficult for men to confirm each other, because they are competitors, this is inherent in nature. But a woman can, in this regard, be a connecting link in a team, and really create a microclimate in which the whole gang is behind her. Although she may not have some awesome position. Such a real and vital soul of the team.