Plan: - How to survive difficulties in life: 5 stages. — How to learn to take difficulties lightly. — 5 tips on how to cope with life’s difficulties and pain. - Video.
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1) Denial. This is the very moment when we do not want to live with our misfortune, we are afraid of tomorrow and accepting the obvious. Usually at this moment we have to enter into a completely different reality, not similar to the one that existed before. We do not recognize the existence of an insoluble (or very difficult to resolve) contradiction. This period lasts from a couple of minutes to several years. Realizing that trouble has happened and will one day make itself felt (or has already made itself felt), we live oppressed by constant fear and depression. What's important here? First of all, don’t bury your head in the sand. In addition, we should not confuse real trouble with a bunch of troubles or fears that our rich imagination throws at us. If trouble happens, it is not minor and sits in our soul as a huge thorn. If the trouble happened suddenly, but it is fixable, it is important to start solving the problem not immediately, when you are still in a state of shock, but at least a day later, when you spent the night with trouble.
2) Compensation and recognition of what happened. During this period, we ask for help and don’t understand how to continue living, we don’t want to think about the future and try to somehow distract ourselves. Having admitted grief, we experience very strong stress. At this time, everything is seething in us, but we are not capable of any action, since both the processes of excitation and inhibition are working in the body at the same time. Not every organism can withstand this, and the subconscious gets to work, looking for a way out, for example, drawing our attention to another area where there are no difficulties. The way out for negativity is in some conversations, chores, or just a walk. The subconscious thus displaces all the thoughts and questions that torment us. Here it is important to allow the subconscious to work, that is, to distract from the past: know that neurosis does not arise because of a difficult period in life, but because we overwhelm ourselves. But do not be distracted by artificial and strong irritants, that is, alcohol or drugs. In this case you will again get a vicious circle
3) Aggression. What happens during this period? Trouble still sits like a thorn in our souls and controls us. And then we notice that everything is bad with us, but everyone around us is as before. This is where aggression is born. A person can direct it at himself, perceiving trouble as his own fault and becoming convinced of his own inferiority. This is how self-confidence is undermined. If self-esteem is high, a person lashes out at those around him, trying to lower their level of existence and make it worse for those who are doing well. The main thing is not to get stuck here. Analyze what happened, change yourself, whatever, just don’t get stuck in your aggression.
4) Reliving. We begin to relive our misfortune, talk about it and share it with loved ones (or not so much. This is already recovery, and by reliving and telling, we make the grief less significant. If we talk about our misfortune several times, it no longer seems terrible. We also These moments we relieve ourselves of imaginary (or real) guilt for what happened.But you shouldn’t get stuck and put pressure on pity, otherwise you will turn into an energy vampire.
5) New birth. We learn to live with our misfortune on our own. Our task is to turn our thorn into a new part of ourselves. Here you can say a lot of cliches about the fact that what does not kill us, and about the fact that we have become stronger after a difficult period. No, this is now for life and you build it without trouble. It’s just that the entire difficult period in life can be perceived as rebirth.
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In any situation, have a plan B
Tune in to the positive, but don’t rule out a bad outcome to the situation. Have several options for the development of events to be prepared for anything. For example, a student doesn’t know physics well and is afraid of a test. This is the most difficult test for him. What to do? Plan A is to try to prevent the problem by reviewing the topics with a classmate. Plan B is to accept the possible bad outcome and figure out how to fix it. For example, get a high grade in the next lesson. The same principle can be applied when searching for a job. If a specialist does not have enough experience and skills, he can either improve them by taking courses, or agree to work from scratch, but for a low salary.
To create a plan “B”, you need to understand the problem, formulate it into tasks, think through ways to solve them and choose the best option. You will learn more about this technique from the video with psychologist and career guidance specialist Adukar Anna Isaenko.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Accepting reality will help organize your thoughts and feelings. This is the key to being productive. How we behave when faced with a problem determines how quickly we find a solution. Even if our problem cannot be solved (for example, the loss of a loved one), we still choose each time how to react to what happened.
You shouldn't indulge in self-pity. It will not allow you to move on and will completely deprive you of your fortitude. Ask yourself: “What can I do right now to help myself in some way?” You may have to overcome your fear or do something unpleasant. The main thing is to act.
Don't be too overconfident
Being confident is a good trait of a successful person, but being overly confident is not always healthy. It is a mistake to imagine that you are the only irreplaceable person who should by default have access to all the delights, achievements and awards of the world. The higher you fly, the more painful it is to fall. Any loss in this case will be perceived too painfully. It’s easy to give up, but it’s more difficult to gain strength and start anew. Therefore, evaluate your strength fairly. Giving up volleyball forever without qualifying for the university team is not entirely correct. You can continue training and try again later when you are more prepared physically and mentally.
— 5 tips on how to cope with life’s difficulties and pain.
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1) Remember the difficult moments in life. It may seem like a bad idea, but it's not that simple - thoughts of failure bring sadness, but at the same time they help you understand that you can cope with any difficulty. You were able to continue living.
2) Write or tell me how you feel. Keeping all your feelings to yourself can be very difficult. You start to feel lonely. Find someone you can trust, who genuinely cares, and try to share your feelings. This will help you get through the most difficult moment in your life. You can also start a blog. By talking about your feelings with strangers, you have nothing to lose - it seems strange, but in fact it is easier to analyze the situation from a position of neutrality, without bringing in personal emotions. Find your own convenient way and share everything that bothers you.
3) Abstract yourself from the situation. It can be difficult to make rational decisions when you find yourself in the middle of a problem. Of course, you shouldn’t run away from difficulties either, but you also don’t need to plunge headlong into a difficult situation - this way you lose the ability to normally weigh all the arguments and sensibly assess your situation. Try to abstract yourself in every difficult situation and think about everything that is happening calmly. Take a break.
4) Remind yourself that you are not alone. It’s so easy to withdraw into yourself and feel completely alone, but remembering that someone who absolutely loves you is nearby is much more difficult. Sometimes that person isn't around in real life, but you can find support online. No matter who you are, there are people who care, who are ready to listen and support. Sometimes strangers can understand you better than you can understand yourself. Just find this person.
5) Accept the situation and become stronger. No matter how difficult it may be, you should accept the situation and come to terms with what happened - it’s still impossible to change the past. It doesn't matter who is to blame for what happened. Just accept what happened and move on. Now you have new experience that will help you deal with the same problem next time. You will be stronger and will not repeat your mistake. Life goes on, time never stands still, the main decision you can make is the decision to move on. Don't look back to the past, everything has already happened. There is a completely new life ahead of you, not connected with this problem.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for agydar.ru
It's ok to accept defeat
Feeling sad about not coping with a challenge is a standard human reaction. Everyone faces failure in life sooner or later. The main thing in this case is not to give up on your goal or dream, but to accept defeat, draw conclusions, and try again, but under different circumstances. For example, if it weren’t for the persistence of JK Rowling, who received 12 rejections from publishers, we would never have read Harry Potter. The writer achieved her goal, but it took a little more time and patience.
— How to learn to take difficulties lightly.
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The essence of a simple attitude to any problem is as follows:
1) Rest assured, this is a temporary phenomenon. Nothing lasts forever, including difficulties. It won't always be like this!
2) Everything that happens in a person’s life, he is able to overcome. Cultivate self-confidence in your abilities. Over time, it will become your unshakable quality;
3) If you feel bad, help someone whose situation is even worse. Then you will understand how happy you are;
4) You cannot involve different kinds of emotions when you are trying to solve a problem. It takes away energy and deprives you of strength. Learn to see only the essence of the problem, as well as ways to solve it. Determine your capabilities and gradually eliminate the consequences of the difficulties that arise.
5) Don't worry about future possible troubles. Anticipating possible difficulties, just be prepared to solve them. Do everything possible to prevent an unfavorable scenario from developing. Once you have done your job, be satisfied with your actions: it is impossible to predict everything. However, to a greater extent, you will be ready for any troubles and will easily cope with them;
6) Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Even when restoring a destroyed house, you can think not about your loss, but about the future new, even better house. Learn to enjoy life despite any adversity, be grateful for what you have. The feeling of well-being will not leave you if you learn to appreciate everything you have;
7) Be prepared for losses. This is an integral part of our life. While we lose something, we still gain something. You need to be able to see the positive, beneficial sides in any situation;
There is no use in being angry because difficulties have arisen. Just try to quickly cope with the situation, without wasting your strength, without complaining about fate. By mentally or out loud repeating your complaints, you attract more and more troubles;
9) Be active, work physically. Even a simple jog can remove heavy thoughts, making it easier to cope with a difficult situation;
10) Stop complaining and make efforts to overcome a difficult situation. Think, look for a way out, direct all the energy of your thoughts to find a solution and simply do the necessary work;
11) Having dealt with the problem, rejoice from the bottom of your heart! Capture a useful experience in your memory. Everything that does not kill us strengthens us. You have become stronger, more confident, wiser.
There are really difficult situations in life, deep grief, when we lose loved ones, ability to work, our health, property. Then use these tips:
1) Repeat to yourself: “I will overcome this!” Ask God for help. If you don't believe in God, ask the Universe for strength. These forces will come, rest assured! We attract what we think about. When you ask the world for strength, you will certainly receive it.
2) Ask your loved ones for help if you feel like you can’t cope with the situation. Often human participation fills the soul with new strength, relieves tension, and negative emotions go away;
3) Choose the right thoughts: those that create, not destroy. After the storm there will always be sunshine.
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Accept that there are no perfect people
Ardent perfectionism sometimes prevents a person from overcoming obstacles. The question haunts me: “How is this possible, since I do everything correctly and perfectly?” It’s difficult to come to terms with this; a person becomes fixated on difficulties and so on in a circle. Why drive yourself into a dead end? Nobody's perfect. It's normal to make mistakes, to not know how to cope with a difficulty. But you can survive this by at least starting with accepting your imperfection.
Accept reality
Acceptance does not mean agreement. You just need to admit that this or that event is a fait accompli. By insisting and repeating that this should not have happened, you are only wasting your time and energy. By accepting what is happening, you will take the first step to find a way out of the situation.
Imagine a traffic jam. One person will think: “How unfair! And why does this always happen to me? He will begin to get angry, nervous and argue with other drivers.
A psychologically stable person will simply remind himself: “Millions of cars drive on the roads every day, it is natural that there will be traffic jams from time to time.” This attitude towards what is happening will help maintain calm. Such a person will turn on a podcast and wait for the traffic to be restored.
To accept reality, we need to understand what we can control and what we cannot. In situations that you have no control over, try to control yourself.
Diagnosis of problems
To fight the enemy you need to know him by sight. Therefore, first we will determine the presence of difficulties and see which category they belong to. Life difficulties:
Serious problems from outside (loss of the most expensive property, a house burned down, a large sum of money was stolen, death of a loved one, incurable illness). Difficulties of moderate complexity (you were kicked out of work, your husband or wife cheated on you, you got sick, you have no means of subsistence). Difficulties in self-identification, psychological problems (fear of death, feelings of inferiority or worthlessness, depression, panic). Domestic difficulties (tired of cleaning, cooking, quarreling with my husband because of his carelessness, plumbing is out of order, not enough money, the phone is broken, difficulties in family life).
The problems described in the first two points are not necessarily the most difficult. The third type of problems - psychological - can be of any complexity. The subtle world called “psyche” is difficult to analyze, so to deal with this kind of problem, you have to try. Everyday difficulties from the last category are only at first glance inferior in complexity to the previous ones; they drag you into a pool of sadness, fear, sluggish, destructive hatred of yourself and the rest of the world. Therefore, any of the problems is serious, especially for the one who has it.
Having meaning helps you survive suffering
Stress resistance (or resilience) is not a given, but a quality that is trained through experience. Therefore, difficult situations are a simulator for developing stress resistance.
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Cognitive flexibility—the ability to look at a situation wisely—is very important for proper adaptation to change. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic and the restrictions it caused can be perceived as follows: “We are in a cage! Everyone will get sick! There will never be stability again!” Or you can put it another way: “By limiting ourselves, we protect the more vulnerable,” “Quarantine time can be spent usefully,” “If you are open to this experience, you can find new opportunities,” “This experience will help find a new antiviral treatment,” etc. The first method is maladaptive, the second is adaptive.
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Imagine an egg and a tennis ball. The shock causes the egg to fall and break. And the tennis ball falls, hits, gains momentum and flies further with even greater force. The peculiarity of our psyche is that it can react to a traumatic event, like this ball.
Good adaptation is also facilitated by effective behavioral strategies, for example, active actions instead of passive observation, step-by-step task planning, problem solving instead of avoidance and procrastination. If you are not in the mood, it is important to start doing something important without waiting for the mood to appear. When you start doing something, the mood gradually comes. That is, it works exactly in this sequence, and not vice versa.
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It is important to learn to generate resourceful emotional states: joy, laughter, gratitude, inspiration, pride, intimacy, hope... Activities such as: time with loved ones, shared memories, meditation, creativity, humor, music, sports, retelling human stories to each other help with this. stories that inspire.
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A great exercise is to create an alphabet of mental resources that will help you return to emotional balance: select one resource for each letter. And use at least 5 of these resource activities during the day.
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You need to develop a happy inner child - the ability to celebrate life. Research on happiness has shown that during difficult times in life, a person can feel happy. Happiness and difficulties can coexist together.
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A person is not allowed to be broken by his values, understanding of what we live for and are now going through a difficult stage. Historical changes, for example, are easier to survive if there is an understanding that this is for the sake of the future of children, for the sake of building a new country where every life and freedom will be valuable.
Two quotes from famous people on this matter:
Viktor Frankl , psychiatrist who went through a concentration camp:
“Having meaning helps you survive suffering.”
Carl Jung, psychiatrist:
“A person can survive any suffering provided he can give it meaning.”
Values are not what I want to have, but what I want to be. There are things inside a person that will always remain with him no matter what.
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A person’s close environment is of great importance for good adaptation to difficulties. Support from family and friends is one of the most powerful protective factors. Therefore, you need to take care of close relationships and invest resources in them in good times.
