How to get rid of love for a married man. What to do to change the situation in your favor

In recent decades, the institution of family has become devalued, betrayal is common, and the number of divorces is steadily approaching the number of marriages. And despite this, women dating married men are condemned by society almost as much as they were hundreds of years ago. The image of a mistress is often the image of a carefree and at the same time insidious woman-homewrecker who has seduced her faithful husband and father of the family.

However, for the woman herself, an affair with a married man brings happiness and pain at the same time. Surprisingly, they can have as much suffering as a legitimate wife. Especially if this relationship was long-term and the feelings were serious. Some people agree to endure for years, while others put the question bluntly, and the man chooses his family. Or he doesn’t choose, trying to sit on two chairs.

Over time, the woman still realizes that promises to leave his wife are just promises, and talk about the fact that he cannot leave yet because of a child, or his wife’s serious illness is just talk, and the man is simply fooling her.

Fell in love with a married man - what to do?

It doesn’t matter for what reason a woman decides to stop communicating with a married man. Is she experiencing pressure from society, has she realized the futility of this relationship, or does she not want to destroy someone else’s family, and possibly her own.

The important thing is that a firm decision to end this relationship is the first step towards success. Take a good look at the situation - what awaits you in this relationship? How have you changed during your affair with a married man? Many women note increased anxiety, decreased levels of self-esteem, a willingness to suffer, to remain in secondary roles, just to be able to see each other again in fits and starts. Some joy from meeting and then again...

Out of sight, out of mind

Folk wisdom may work literally for some people. But in most cases, breaking up does not mean falling out of love. It is impossible to forbid yourself to love; emotions do not turn off with a click. Don’t scold yourself if at some point you give in and agree to see each other again to clarify the relationship. Just start again.

Whether you cut off in one fell swoop or gradually reduce communication to nothing, it will hurt in any case, be prepared for it. At first you will feel pain every second, in a week - every minute, in a month - every hour, and time will pass when you are surprised to discover that for several days you have not even remembered this man.

How to recognize a “married man”?

You rarely go somewhere together. You know practically nothing about his friends, acquaintances, family, and he doesn’t even try to introduce you as his girlfriend. At first this mystery is very exciting, but gradually it begins to get annoying.
You meet at a certain time : on weekends, after work, on pre-agreed dates. Your companion tries to avoid crowded places. And if he takes you to hotels and restaurants, he prefers suburban locations.
You often can't reach him on the phone. He calls back only at certain hours, and also sends SMS when it’s convenient for him.
Such a man is in no hurry. Even if he comes across a “tough nut to crack,” he will storm the girl’s defenses for months, but he will achieve his goal. In principle, he has a solid supply of time: he has a wife at home, a well-established life, and periodic sex. But some resource is missing... Tenderness, feelings of love, admiration, diversity... He will look for this resource on the side.
He alone controls your relationship : where and what time to meet, where to go, what to do.

Your attempts to make adjustments or offer something new are met coldly. He has a bunch of excuses why everything should go exactly according to his scenario

Change your job

If an affair with a married man happened at work, you are at particular risk. The need to see each other regularly, possible gossip and gossip from colleagues causes a lot of pain. It is extremely difficult to fall out of love if the object of love is constantly in front of your eyes; it is even worse if, feeling guilty, he is kind, friendly, or even flirts. The best way is to update your resume and start going for interviews. Perhaps it’s worth aiming for a slightly higher position - career growth has never hurt anyone.

It's better to change jobs

However, if leaving this job is not part of your plans (financially beneficial, everything suits you, career growth is expected or any other reason), and your organization has several branches - analyze where you would like to go and discuss it with your superiors. Probably not immediately, but the issue will be resolved in your favor.

What are you risking?

Keep in mind that he most likely will not leave his wife.

Even if she claims that she is old, sick and infuriates him beyond belief. And you are young, beautiful and cool. When people live in marriage for a long time, they are connected not only by feelings. Whatever it is, he knows it. He can guess what to expect from her, he is used to the way she runs the household. Family is not just a place where you come to eat and sleep. There are still many people in their lives to whom they will have to answer.

He will always be connected to his family.

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You can leave your wife, but leaving your children is much more difficult. Even if he transports his suitcases to you, he will still be bound by obligations “there”: bring, buy, help. You will have to plan a joint vacation with an eye on his offspring. “The children are already stressed because of the divorce, they need to communicate with their father,” his prudent ex will say and call 10 times in the middle of the night, while you are soaking in the jacuzzi of a country hotel, where you with difficulty stole him.

You will go through all the circles of hell and waste a lot of nerve cells.

You will be called, at best, a homewrecker. Or maybe they will forever be branded with shame. Because from now on you are a threat not only to a particular woman, but also to all existing units of society. Who knows whether you can be trusted now, since your moral qualities have not been tested. In addition, in your relationship the issue of trust will always be relevant. If he cheated with you, what will stop him from cheating on you?

Seek support

Read thematic forums where thousands of other women tell their stories. You will understand that your story is not unique, relationships with married men are in many ways similar, and from the example of other women you will find support for yourself. Stories with a good ending are especially important - read them, apply what you like, notice how your mood and self-esteem react. If this is required, write your story, ask for advice, get support. Sometimes just being able to talk anonymously makes things a lot easier.

Accept the situation as it is

A woman in love is often captive of her own illusions. In this state, she tends to justify her situation and the man she loves. But it’s worth looking at the situation soberly, understanding and accepting it. The likelihood that the object of an irresistible attraction will leave his family for his mistress is very low. Most often, affairs on the side end in tears and a broken heart for the loser homewrecker.

Lead an active life

Take some free time so that there is simply no time left for sad thoughts. Don’t sit at home in your “shell” (at least not for long), look for opportunities to leave the house more often. If it's appropriate for your situation, ask your friends for help. This method is good both as an ambulance - arriving with a bottle of wine at 2 am - and in the long term. Who else, if not your friends, will do what is given to you with great difficulty - organize time together, and will not let you become limp. New places, experiences, new acquaintances are great distractions. Feel a new taste for life. Decide for yourself where and how to spend your time, without adjusting to a man.

Love yourself more

Many problems in women's personal lives come from their lack of self-confidence or rejection of themselves as they are. This is where the fear of being left alone comes from, abandoning an unsuccessful relationship. A woman who truly loves and respects herself will not allow a situation in which she becomes a victim of her own emotions. If she loves herself more than any man, the likelihood of falling into the trap of love addiction is practically eliminated. You need to value yourself and repeat the phrase like a mantra that you deserve more and better.

Increase your self-esteem

The fact that you agreed to a relationship with a married man already indicates a slight decrease in self-esteem. They rarely have a happy ending and the situation usually gets worse over time. And now the woman thinks: “He returned to the family because I behaved incorrectly,” “He doesn’t leave for me because I’m not good enough,” and so on.

Raise your self-esteem

In fact, a man solves his problems with you, gets what he lacks in the family. The woman acts as an emotional donor, and, having received the desired emotions, the man returns to his still beloved wife, even if he tells you otherwise. Accept it as a fact - you are good, simply because you are. You are worthy of love. A loving man will want to start a family with you. He will confirm his intentions with deeds, not empty promises.

Therefore, increase your self-esteem in all available ways. Remember what you were like before you met this man. What brings you pleasure and joy. There are no wrong options here - whatever helps you personally is used. Any hobby, any changes in appearance, any physical activity - everything that comes to mind and can help.

Triangle

“I love a married man” are not just words. If there have already been secret meetings, secret calls and correspondence, then this is a conscious choice. Especially if the story lasts more than one year.

When you fall in love with a married man, know that the whole range of feelings can await you, the man, and his wife. This is resentment, anger, sadness, fear, disgust.

You are sliding into the so-called Karpman triangle. Where the victim, rescuer, and pursuer are tightly tied and sometimes change places. Well, what an idea to live in a triangle. But it's up to you. Hopes, fantasies, illusions that your beloved will one day leave the family and be with you are companions for the long term.

“Everyone has beautiful photos from the wedding, and I will too,” you think. While meetings are forbidden, fleeting, and associated with risk, you want them. And then even the scheduled risk ceases to invigorate and threatens emotional distress.

What is not enough in such relationships? Love is enough, but responsibility is a problem. There is no responsibility - and there is no need to quarrel or sort things out. You knew what you were getting into from the very beginning. For relationships to become stronger and established, crises must be overcome. And crises, in turn, imply a showdown, including through “quarrel”. And it turns out that it turns out badly. The relationship is unstable.

What does such a relationship give a married man? With a minimum of responsibility, there is practically “sex without boundaries,” which is sometimes difficult to obtain in a family with all its conventions and rules. Adoration on the part of the passion, especially at first. He is welcome by definition. That he paid attention, came, smiled. Even once every two weeks. Always Glade.

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And this once again confirms its importance, not bad. In general, all these activities work for the self-esteem of a married man. And this enchanting state of confidence, if you have difficulty with internal supports and are used to looking for them outside, is addictive.

Contact a psychologist

Sometimes, accumulated emotions cause severe mental pain, and it becomes impossible to understand your feelings. A competent psychologist will help you cope with this situation. It happens that a woman does not seek help because of a feeling of shame or fear of judgment from a specialist. In fact, a good psychologist does not make value judgments, but only helps you understand yourself. For some, one session is enough, for others it will take a couple of months - everything is very individual - but after some time, life will again play with all its colors for you.

Is love for a married man an accident or a vice?

Situations with forbidden love are far from uncommon today. Almost every third girl in despair asks the question: “I love a married man - what should I do?!” Many people say that love comes suddenly. That this feeling is beyond human control. He cannot immediately take and throw out the object of his adoration from his heart and head. To do this, you probably need to be a superman or at least have superpowers. But psychologists say that this is not entirely true. Yes, indeed: it is difficult to get out from the depths of the soul those feelings that stubbornly lodge inside and are experienced by a woman in relation to someone else’s husband. But isn’t this woman able, in the initial stages and first moments of communication with a “married man,” to feel her overly strong sympathies for him? Isn’t she able to stop this communication or at least keep it within the limits of what is permitted? Doesn’t she understand the degree of responsibility she takes on when she allows a married man to take care of her and isn’t she being disingenuous in believing that “this is already my man”? Probably, the sanity of an intelligent woman will be able to stop her at the first attempts of such a “Casanova” and will help nip his advances in the bud, even if his face is very pretty and his appearance is quite sexy and attractive. The ring on the ring finger of such a suitor should signal the lady about danger and, with a red traffic light, slow down her movement on the way to plunging into the abyss called “destruction of someone else’s family.”

Do what's right for you

There is no universal recipe for how to stop loving a married man. It is unlikely to predict in advance what will help you recover from a destructive relationship. Really, do whatever you want - if it helps. Don’t look back at “what will people think”, forgive yourself for this past - yes, you fell in love with an unfree person. And this love brought a lot of suffering. So now you are determined to say goodbye to the past and make way for new relationships that have a future. And you can do it!

Married woman's love for another man

All of the situations listed unanimously boil down to the fact that the flaring up of feelings towards someone else’s spouse is an accident, which will definitely cause pain to someone later. Be that as it may, the struggle for such a man will ultimately lead to someone else’s suffering, and it would be very vile to take away from the family a man who had previously been a diligent spouse and loving father. However, there are even more stalemate cases when an unfree lady begins to experience warm feelings for an equally unfree man. If a married woman falls in love with a married man, she not only strives to destroy other people's relationships - she is capable of hurting her own husband with her treacherous feelings. Many ladies who find themselves in such a situation are well aware of all the risks of their love, which can make at least two out of four people unhappy, so in an attempt to calm their feelings and gain peace of mind, they turn to a psychologist for advice. Recommendations from experts include a list of techniques, the main ones of which are the following:

cessation of all communication with the object of one’s sudden affections;
getting closer to your husband in all possible ways - spending time together, preparing festive dinners and romantic parties, increasing the frequency of sexual relations in your married couple;
immersion in work is one of the most effective ways to forget about everyone and everything;
distraction by hobbies - painting, music, opera, ballet and many other hobbies will help you abstract from emotional ups and downs and forget about your passion for your married lover.

Self-control, work on oneself, one’s own prohibitions and self-imposed guidelines can significantly change the attitude of a lady who is perplexed by her own feelings. The prospect of having a married lover will seem attractive to few people, so it is worth nipping it in the bud before the situation goes too far.

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