And this is normal, because all you want to think about is the pleasure of communication, enjoying each other, discovering new character traits and characteristics of your future soul mate.
However, it often happens that due to certain circumstances, a break occurs. Any separation is always painful, so the young man is faced with the question of how to part with a woman in the best way.
Female psychology: why is it important to communicate correctly?
People often try to find workarounds and come up with all sorts of intricacies, which ultimately leads to mistakes. This is due to the fear of hurting a loving person, especially if we are talking about a woman. However, you need to realize the fact that you cannot do without pain.
The outcome of the situation will be unpleasant for one of the partners in any case , and most often for both parties. You always need to act decisively and say everything directly. This is the most painless and best strategy.
But we should not forget about the characteristics of female psychology. Women perceive most of the information by ear, so it is better to express your intention to break up directly, while maintaining the flow of the dialogue in an atmosphere of calm.
The main goal of a painless separation is for the girl to understand and accept the very fact of separation. If it gets to the point that the girl can’t stand it and starts to break down, you need to end the conversation.
Before breaking up, it is imperative to have a clear understanding: there is a good reason for the breakup . Otherwise, if from a woman’s point of view it seems like a trifle, the process will drag on.
This can lead to the fact that the fair sex retains hope for continuing the relationship. Consequently, she will not give up trying to return the tandem to its previous course for a long time.
Preparing for separation
You need to start with reflection and analysis of the current situation. If the connection was built incorrectly from the beginning, then it is not surprising that everything ends in a break. The main thing is to track the causes and draw appropriate conclusions. It is also important to acquire determination so that the separation is final. The following tips will also help you prepare:
- It’s worth starting to move a little away from your chosen one in advance;
- do not need to be completely ignored - this act will make the girl worry and will not make the guy free from the relationship;
- you need to choose a method and place.
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It is also important to prepare your words - this will make your speech more confident and avoid moments of awkward silence. The guy must realize that the breakup is no one's fault. This is only a consequence of the fact that people were not initially suitable for each other. Emotional calm and lack of guilt will allow you to part ways in the least painful way.
Time and place - minimum pain
Of course, there is no ideal time or place for a breakup .
But you can do everything possible to soften the blow as much as possible.
First of all, you need to try to ensure that the girl is psychologically ready: you should not bring bad news in the heat of the moment , in difficult circumstances related to relatives and the man’s work, etc. It's better to take a break and wait a while.
As for the place, it is undesirable to have a delicate conversation in an apartment: a face-to-face conversation in a confined space significantly increases the risk of a negative, or even outright aggressive reaction. To avoid unpleasant consequences, it is better to schedule a meeting:
- In a park or square. Fresh air, nature and people walking around contribute to peace.
- On a walk after sports or fitness training. Under the influence of endorphins that bubble in the blood after physical activity, a person feels as peaceful and tired as possible at the same time.
- In a quiet cafe. Against the background of good music and leisurely conversations of other people, both men and women will be able to feel more isolated and relaxed.
- In any neutral place, not connected by any common memories, but at the same time secluded.
Action plan
There are two options for action plans:
- Radical when the initiative comes from the guy. The young man informs the girl about his decision in person, via SMS, or in a telephone conversation. He doesn’t expect understanding from her, doesn’t explain anything, just confronts the “ex” with a fait accompli.
- Gradual preparation for a break. The couple comes to a decision to separate mutually. A girl and a guy discuss their relationship, they understand that there is no love, one of the parties is suffering. But this soft version of separation can last for a long time.
Choose a plan of action based on the situation, mood and character of the girl. The main thing after breaking up is not to try to see your ex more often, but find out how she is doing from friends, call each other if you were able to maintain your friendship.
Words and phrases for explanations: advice for men
The most successful examples of explanations can be called:
- Turning the arrow of guilt in your direction. Say more often: “It’s not about you,” “It’s my fault.”
- Phrases about how the failed soulmate is a beautiful girl. It is necessary to emphasize the statement of fact with the wording: “For another guy, you will definitely become the meaning of life.”
- Emphasis on a woman’s virtues and self-sufficiency: “You’ll see, you’ll be better off without me than with me right now.”
- Desire for a better fate. “I don’t want us to hate each other over time. My only wish is for you to be happy.”
- Sincerity. Sometimes it’s better to inflict pain, but tell it like it is: “I have other plans for my life in the near future, so I don’t want to drag you along with me. Not because you’re not right for me, but because I’m afraid of disappointing you.” Or: “I realized that I’m not ready for a serious relationship.”
You can finally end the conversation on the topic of past relationships by giving the girl something meaningful.
How to forget?
The reason for the breakup is not important, it is important to continue living and not look back.
To avoid driving yourself into a depressed state, you need to:
- find a hobby you like;
- change place of work or study;
- if there is an opportunity to leave (at least for a while);
- do something extreme - river rafting, skydiving, and so on.
But the most important thing is to find another girl, and you don’t have to look for one who is similar to the previous one, since in this case the past relationship will constantly hover over the new one.
During this period, you will need the help and support of friends, as well as physical activity, since male energy involves activity and action.
You don’t have to go workout; the world is full of other active hobbies:
- swimming,
- basketball,
- dancing after all.
The more your muscles work, the less energy you will have for sad memories.
Phrases that should not be said
It is often news to guys that resolving the breakup issue face to face is the best of all possible options, while looking for workarounds is fraught with the most unfavorable outcome .
Such separations are generally much more painful than those that are voiced honestly and bluntly.
Therefore, it is advisable for a man to act directly and not resort to the following options :
- Deliberately avoid the girl in conversation, fuss, make excuses and beat around the bush.
This is by no means the wrong tactic, because soon everything will become clear to the woman. There was a good relationship, everything was fine - and suddenly the guy began to say some nonsense, not answer calls, not appear in places where we had met before. And the girl would be right if she perceives this as cowardice and meanness. Thus, she will only have negative impressions of her ex-lover, and her self-esteem will definitely not become higher. - Explain online. The conversation should take place in person. Not through notes or text messages, not even over the phone. If it's difficult to make eye contact, you don't have to, but the person you're talking to needs to be able to see you.
- Get personal, using offensive cliched phrases a la “stupid/bitch/crazy.” Do not make any sudden, impetuous movements, speak in an even voice and generally try to create the most calm environment possible - the topic of conversation is already tense enough to be aggravated by external influences.
- Provoke a quarrel. Becoming the initiator of a quarrel or scandal in order to blame the girl for what happened and then dump her is far from a gentlemanly act.
- When talking, slide into hysteria yourself. In this case, the best option for separation disappears. The girl will retain the memory not only of the unscrupulous bastard who abandoned her, but also of the terrible scandal.
- Use threats: “You’ll regret it,” “I’ll show you,” “You don’t know who you’ve messed with.” Lowly threaten a girl, reproach her for unimportant things, insult her. Yes, this approach will definitely help put an end to a relationship, but it is not worthy of a real man.
Try to find the optimal time for this
Another condition that can affect the course of your separation is timing and circumstances. For example, leaving a girl on March 8, February 14, or her birthday would not be the smartest decision.
Besides, if she's having a hard time right now and needs your support, the news of a breakup will also be a pretty cruel surprise.
Try to start this conversation on the most neutral day possible, which can be compared to complete calm on the ocean. Then none of you will be overwhelmed by emotions from the shocks that have already happened.
Reactions to women's responses
Women are emotional creatures, so their reactions to such blows of fate as parting with a loved one are most often violent. The most popular reactions are :
- Getting stuck when the fair sex is silent . In this case, it is better to leave her alone for a while and return to the explanations later.
- Self-flagellation, resentment . In this situation, the girl begins to blame herself for what happened. Therefore, it is necessary to do everything possible to convince her of the opposite, preferably with a specific example.
- Angry swearing and blaming a partner . The best solution is to give the person the opportunity to speak out and “blow off steam.”
- Anxiety, depression, tears and pleas to come back . Here it is important to find all possible constructive arguments in favor of the impossibility of “entering the same river twice.”
- Committing rash acts, for example, revenge . It is difficult to do anything in such circumstances until the woman independently lets go of the offense and finds happiness in a new relationship.
Features of behavior during an acute reaction
If a woman reacts very sharply to a breakup, oddly enough, it is much easier to break up.
First of all, because rapid ignition is fraught with equally rapid burnout.
Therefore, at the right moment, it is necessary to make it clear the seriousness of the current circumstances , to explain how this affected feelings, to tell that after everything that has been experienced, it is impossible to continue the relationship.
And that there are no outcomes in which the couple’s tandem has a chance to continue - neither the previous nor friendly, no relationship is possible with the girl with whom you just broke up. The solution is to return everything she gave, all her things; if she refuses to take it, just throw it away. And leave, categorically disappear, without a chance of any connection in the future.
You shouldn't force your friendship on her.
If you are still thinking about how to leave a girl without offending her, take a closer look at this point. Remember that you are asking your girlfriend to break up, which includes the lack of systematic communication, support, and most importantly, the full right to intimate interaction with any female representative.
Not every girl, after such conditions, will agree to continue the sweet communication with you that you want to impose on her. It's, of course, good that you don't want to completely break off all contact with her and forget what her name was. However, she will now decide whether to be your friend or not.
It is possible that she will not want to communicate with you anymore, and that is normal. Well, or she will want to become sworn enemies with you. In this case, your offer of friendship may seem completely offensive.
Is it possible to break up via SMS?
A short message is a great way, it seems to young men. However, breaking up via SMS indicates a fear of telling the truth in the face. In addition, the method deprives the girl of the opportunity to voice complaints.
Although most often the words spoken during a breakup are thrown with aggression, there is a lot of truth in them. The information will not bring joy, but, firstly, it will defuse the emotional tension, and secondly, it will suggest mistakes that can be corrected in the next relationship.
Social surveys claim that separation via SMS is typical at a young age, when partners change quickly and the relationship is short-lived. In this case, it is really better to tell the truth at a distance, so that the conversation does not turn into a stormy showdown or a fight.
Cynicism in medicinal form. Consume in doses
The second method is a pick-up artist. Funny way. I used it only twice in my life, when I needed to break up with a girl, back at the stage when I was just becoming an experienced seducer, for the first year or two of my practice.
The method is really funny, although sometimes difficult, because after it you want to hit your friend :). Why do you want to hit your friend? In reality, you're just telling your friend how to seduce your girlfriend. What are her “weak” points, some techniques that you already know are guaranteed to work.
Naturally, it is important that your friend understands at least something about seduction, so that he does not screw up (do not screw up the situation). But this method may not work if you and the girl have been dating for many, many years, if the girl is faithful to you, if she completely devotes her life to you. But with all this, this method has a right to exist, no matter how cynical it is.
What to consider
A man who has been dating a woman for more than six months probably feels affection, so he is interested in maintaining a neutral relationship with her. The guy is probably wondering what to say to his ex-girlfriend when talking about breaking up, in order to convey the true reason without offending.
READ Effective methods to make an annoying guy leave you on his own
Honesty, calmness and straightforwardness
Be honest about the reasons for the breakup, even if the motive is the appearance of a third person in the relationship. At the same time, do not allow him to raise his voice or express himself incorrectly and mockingly, because the step was thought out only on the part of the man, and for a girl such a decision is a surprise, and an unpleasant one at that. Although this may seem painful, after the negative emotions fade away, the woman will appreciate the masculine qualities of her partner.
No revenge
Do not even mentally allow the option of starting a new relationship because of the desire to hurt the girl more. The young man, having abandoned his girlfriend, has already dealt her a painful blow to her pride. Continuing to do such things is a mockery. Moreover, the new passion, which finds itself in the thick of things, is even less to blame for the inability to instantly interrupt the connection.
Don't lie about your ex
It is also not worth saying that the current relationship ends because of feelings for an ex-girlfriend. Firstly, it interferes with a third person in the relationship, which is fraught with consequences. What if the abandoned young lady decides to pursue one of the newly formed couple? Secondly, in conversations the guy probably spoke unflatteringly about his previous partner, so the return looks strange, even if the words were spoken out of resentment.
Steadfastness
You need to talk about the breakup clearly, clearly, without hesitation. Another option will raise doubts about confidence and make you think about the possibility of resuming communication. At the same time, the girl will press on her weaknesses - sex, delicious food, convenience of life. This will further undermine the desire to separate or plunge you into doubt. Make a decision about the firmness of your intentions before the conversation, prepare for possible pitfalls.
No cheating
Don’t lie even for the sake of caring for your ex-partner’s feelings. Delve into your own thoughts, determine what actually became the motive for the separation. This will help not only to speak sincerely about him, but also to prevent further fleeting relationships and breakups for the same reason, because even a crush on another girl will not appear if mutual understanding prevails in the couple.
What not to do
After breaking up, remain a man: do not talk about the conversation that took place on every corner, especially do not flaunt the fact that you were the initiator. At a certain point, those around them will themselves understand that the couple has broken up. Also, do not talk about personal moments and emotions experienced - what she said, how she reacted. Remember that you managed to prepare and come to terms with the idea, but for your friend it came as a surprise.
READ Effective methods to make an annoying guy leave you on his own
Protecting the planet from disasteri
When a girl experiences negative emotions, she may scream, squeal, or hit. If we talk about things that are unpleasant for her outside the home, in a public and crowded place, the reaction will be somewhat restrained, although not everyone knows how to control themselves. In addition, such a serious conversation requires an appropriate atmosphere.
In a cafe you will be able to talk and find out some of the nuances that could mistakenly push the guy to such a decision. Also, girls will be pleased if a man takes care of the breakup as if it were a first date: you need to remain human and understand your partner’s desires.
Scientists and psychologists have identified several good places to break up with a girl, so that the process and aftertaste after the bitterness of loss would not be so nightmarish, and the guy could escape without receiving a portion of scratches and blows to the head area.
Farewell letter to a woman
My dear woman.
All that day, all that evening... I was happy, I read in your eyes the best story about my happiness. It can be very simple, even banal in some ways, right?
Even though sometimes looking into a woman’s eyes, into women’s eyes full of indescribable depth, tenderness, understanding and empathy, is very painful, almost unbearable. And yet I looked. And I saw, in addition to this crystalline, sunny ringing of happiness, I also saw your unique world, full of hidden treasures and an open heart through and through, I saw your soft, amazing, fabulous femininity and uncontrollable sexuality.
Yes, I also remember how I kissed your toes. And shoulders, and chests, and your whole body. If it weren’t for him, if it weren’t for you, there wouldn’t be my fire.
