How to calm your mom or dad if they are upset?

We hate to see someone close to us upset about something.

In this case, you cannot remain on the sidelines . You need to show your interest and care.

Parents will be pleased. They will know that you need them and you love them. There is no need to show indifference and coldness. This will only make them worse, and they will be left alone with their troubles.

How to cheer yourself up? Advice from psychologists will help you!

How to calm your mom down if she's crying?

You need to support a crying mother in the following ways:

1. Don't give in to emotions and don't cry with her . This is especially true for daughters, who, when they see their mother’s tears, get upset and also shed a tear. If the mother sees that she has spoiled her daughter’s mood with her behavior, she will be even more upset;
2. Hug her . This way mom will feel that you empathize with her and want to help. If she does not have a handkerchief in her hands, then give it to her;
3. Speak in a calm and low voice . Even if your mother raises her voice in tears, there is no need to do so in response. It is important for an upset person to hear a calm intonation in order to calm down faster;
4. Find out the reason . It is unlikely that mom will cry out of nowhere. You need to say the following: “Tell me what happened?”;
5. Wait patiently for a response. When upset, the mother will not immediately talk about her problem. Perhaps the emotional shock happened quite recently and she needs to properly throw out the surging feelings;
6. Listen to her and don't interrupt. Mom may speak confusingly, “jump” from one thought to another, and repeat one moment from the story several times in a row. The main thing here is to grasp the general meaning of the problem and not immediately rush to give advice;
7. Next, carefully select your words of support . It all depends on the problem. If it is solvable, then invite your mother to think together about how to fix everything. For example, if she had a fight with someone at work, then say: “It’s a pity that everything turned out this way. But that employee probably didn’t want to offend you. Maybe you shouldn’t argue with her right away tomorrow, but just ignore her and wait until the conflict situation is forgotten?”;
8. Tell your mom that she did the right thing or showed good character traits. For example, if in the same argument with a colleague she decided not to respond to her insults, then Fr. If my mother vehemently argued with a colleague, then you can also find positive aspects in this: “Of course, anyone would lose their temper here! Well done for boldly defending your point of view! Let her know now that you are a serious opponent!”;
9. Finally, say that if she wants to talk again soon, you are always ready to listen;
10. Show you care . For example, offer her tea or wash the dishes for her. These pleasant little things will let mom know that there are loving and caring people around her.

Advice from psychologists

It is possible to build trusting relationships and minimize possible conflicts if the parties follow the advice of psychologists and work on their behavior .

What to do if you quarrel with your mother?

How to make peace with my mother if I am to blame?

It is important to correctly assess the situation. The degree of guilt is of great importance .

If objectively the child himself has not done anything reprehensible, and the quarrel occurred due to the unfair attitude of the parent, you should try to discuss the situation.

You need to calmly, without emotion, explain your position to your mother. She must understand that she has caused offense by her behavior. Discussing the problem will allow you to avoid quarrels over similar issues in the future.

If both parties are to blame or the conflict arose solely through the fault of the child, then you must initially ask for forgiveness . Admitting guilt and striving to smooth out the conflict is wise behavior that only a mature person can demonstrate.

It is this behavior that shows better than any words that the son or daughter are truly adults who know how to take responsibility for their actions.

How to ask for forgiveness?

What to do if you offended your mother? Some teenagers who sincerely repent of their actions cannot find a way to ask for forgiveness. You can do this in different ways:

1. Just come up and apologize . Any woman will appreciate it if her child can overcome his own pride and sincerely admit that he was wrong. Such a brave act will definitely be appreciated. It is important to act sincerely and not for selfish reasons. False repentance is very noticeable, and such behavior will only worsen the conflict.
2. Write a letter. Not everyone knows how to verbally express their emotions. The feeling of shame experienced by the perpetrator of the conflict only aggravates the situation. In this case, you can write a letter of apology and put it in a visible place. This could be a handwritten message or an email message.
3. Arrange a conciliatory surprise. Children are always well aware of the everyday habits, taste preferences, and hobbies of their parents. You can ask your mother for forgiveness by giving her a pleasant surprise. This could be buying a favorite treat, an invitation to the theater, etc.

How to apologize for lying?

Unfortunately, each of us has deceived our parents more than once. Schoolchildren are so eager to hide their faults ; adult children do not want to make their mother worry.

If the deception is revealed, then its motives do not matter to the woman. In any case, she will be offended that her trust was betrayed.

The situation can only be corrected through a sincere conversation .

It should be explained in detail why the “salvation” lie was necessary.

If the lie occurred in order to hide one’s own faults, then one should not only ask for forgiveness, but also make a promise not to commit such acts in the future .

Verse of Apology

All women, without exception , “love with their ears. ” An apology in poetic form will be a real surprise that will definitely not leave your mother indifferent.

You can compose a poem yourself or use ready-made works. Even a short quatrain will be enough to achieve the desired effect.

An example of an apology in poetic form:

“I’m ashamed of this quarrel,

I send you words of forgiveness.

Don't be mad at me, dear.

Sorry for everything, I love you!”

So that she forgives you after a strong quarrel

What to do if you had a big fight with your mom?

In the event of a strong quarrel, the mother’s resentment may be so serious that she will not want to engage in dialogue.

All of the above attempts at reconciliation will be ignored or even irritated.

It is very important in such a situation to remain calm and composed, avoiding the aggravation of the conflict.

Carelessly thrown remarks and accusations during such a difficult period can lead to very negative consequences , when returning relations to the previous level of trust becomes simply impossible.

What should you not do?

If mom is upset about something, then it is better not to do the following things:

• Load her with household chores;
• Leave home. Walking with friends and hanging out at cafes can wait. Even if mom has begun to calm down, you should not leave her alone for some time;
• Get into an argument. Due to a bad mood, a mother can “break down” and raise her voice over any little thing. Get into her position and try not to swear;
• Deliver bad news. The only exceptions are when the news is related to something serious and urgent;
• Imposing your advice. You can only offer your own solution to the problem. But if mom insists that she will sort out the situation herself, then it’s better not to insist.

Why does a child snap, be rude and be rude?

If a child is rude, it is useless to ask him to be more polite. Scolding and punishing also makes no sense, since this will provoke even greater aggression. We need to figure out why the inappropriate behavior became possible. The most common reasons are:

1. If a child is rude and rude, it means that he has an unresolved problem that he cannot yet cope with on his own, and does not want to share with his parents, because he does not have proper trust in them.
2. Rudeness = defensive reaction. When a child feels that the interest in his problem is fake, and they are prying into his soul for the sake of a “tick,” he becomes rude, thereby stopping attempts to get him to be frank, and closes himself off even more.
3. Rudeness = beacon. If, in response to the efforts of adults to “have a heart-to-heart talk,” the child is insolent or openly rude, then we can conclude that he is not yet ready to open up and share - it’s worth waiting and in the meantime establishing a family “climate.”

If a child is happy, satisfied, and feels supported by his family, he will never be insolent and snap back. But if parents happen to encounter such a problem, then first of all they need to think about why their son or daughter does not trust them.

What are the reasons for changes in a teenager's behavior?

How to calm your mom down when she's angry?

You should behave as follows with an irritated mother:

• Try to discuss the situation calmly and from different angles. Let mom talk. When a person is angry, he evaluates the problem biasedly, considering it extremely important. Although in fact this may be a trifle that can easily be resolved if you do not rush things or, on the contrary, take simple but decisive steps right away. Having started discussing the problem, mom herself can find the right solution, or you can push her to this with your careful advice;
• Invite her to go to a cafe or just take a walk in the park. Often the cause of mother's irritability and nervousness is simple fatigue. If she has no desire to go somewhere, then run to the store and buy her mother’s favorite treat;
• Say: “Mom, it’s hard for me to see you in this state. How can I help? Let me clean up the house, and you relax and watch some movie.” Showing concern always softens a negative attitude.

Negative symptoms

But what to do with the manifestation of negative signs? When a child stops being controlled, parents most often try to call him to order, talk long and tediously about his mistakes, scold and punish him. However, the child usually does not even try to understand what adults say

Therefore, it is important to know how to behave in such cases

Negative symptoms:

• Everything that is simple for an adult is incomprehensible to a child. He expresses his disagreement with absolutely any statement made by his parents.
• Denial - refusal to every proposal, request, instruction.
• Inaccessibility - lack of response to parents' requests.
• Stubbornness. The child insists on his own, continuing the argument, although the issue, in the opinion of mom and dad, has long been settled.
• Disobedience. Ignoring duties, the fulfillment of which did not cause problems before.
• Cunning.
• Demandingness. The student persistently and endlessly reminds his parents of what they once promised him.
• Moodiness is a manifestation characteristic of younger children, but sometimes it is also characteristic of schoolchildren 7-8 years old.
• Painful reactions to criticism occur infrequently. At such moments, the child becomes offended and may cry or be rude.

We ask for help from relatives

In some cases, the mother's problems can be serious. If you feel that it is morally difficult for her, then the help of relatives will not be superfluous.

It's best to contact your dad. Of course, this should be done only when the mother is not in a quarrel with him. If he is at work, then call him and tell him how it is. He will give advice or try to arrive early.

It happens that dad has not been in the family for a long time and you can’t count on his support. Then you need to turn to the relative with whom your mother has the best relationship.

Contact him and tell him that your mother is very depressed and you are worried about her. A good relative will never refuse support.

I constantly quarrel with my parents, why does this happen?

Quarrels between parents and children, alas, are not a rare occurrence. Some families manage to smooth out rough edges and avoid arguments, but in many cases misunderstanding is inevitable. There can be many reasons for such a development of the situation, and often the matter comes down simply to a difference in interests, due to a significant difference in age.

Probably, your quarrels with your parents occur because it seems to you that they do not understand you at all and “live in a different time.” Be that as it may, it is important to understand that you should still treat your parents with respect, even if you do not agree with their opinion - this is what well-mannered and worthy young men and women do. Cases when a mother or father wishes harm to their child are practically excluded - no matter what they advise, most likely it comes from good intentions. That is why, first of all, focus on what your parents want for you to feel better, and then think about everything else.

We are often very harsh with our parents, and we realize that we are wrong only many years later. If you don’t want to live with regrets, then learn self-control - this is important not only when communicating with relatives.

If you think that you understand more about something than your parents, then this is an even greater reason to show leniency towards them. Be kind to them, even if right now you don't think they deserve it.

How to calm down a drunk mother?

Mom is also a person and sometimes she can go overboard. You should not be angry with her about this, even if she begins to remember some unpleasant incidents from her life.

We must remember that a mother in such a state does not do everything out of malice, it’s just that under the influence of alcohol some psychological barriers disappear in her, and she says whatever comes to mind. The next morning she will probably regret it. Therefore, we calmly accept her criticism and follow simple advice:

1. We agree with her “smart” thoughts and show respect for her . A drunk person is pleased when his interlocutor praises his speech. Therefore, when mom loudly says that she is the most honest, hardworking and responsible, we agree and even remember the cases when she showed these significant traits;
2. We take her side in any issue . Sometimes a drunk mother makes offensive comments towards the person you love. For example, it could be dad. If he is not nearby, then we boldly agree with mom’s criticism, even if you disagree in many ways. In this situation, it is more important not to prove your point of view, but to help calm the drunk mother, who simply wanted to speak out;
3. We distract her with something . A drunk person easily switches his attention to an interesting activity. Of course, there is no need to go outside with your mother while she is in this condition. Distract her with something else. For example, tell her that her new hairstyle is amazing and she definitely chose a good hairdresser.

In most cases, it is possible to calm the mother down by showing concern, listening attentively to the problem and positively assessing her character traits. The main thing is not to impose your advice on her, but to delicately offer help and make it clear that you empathize with her.

To discuss or not

If you make contact, but she doesn’t want to talk, try again a little later. Perhaps for some time it is not worth raising this topic again. Call and ask about something else, invite her for a walk, or, if you live together, ask where something is. Don't be afraid to take new steps.

Don't think that your pride suffers from this. There are only two people - a mother and her child. The fact that the latter is trying to make contact is his advantage, his advantage.

He is well brought up and understands the importance of some people in his life. There is nothing unnatural about this

No one except your mother will know about your unproud behavior and believe me, she will only rejoice at this persistence. He'll hang around a little longer and then give up. She won't play on your feelings, but she will feel cared for. She raised an excellent child who will not leave her in old age.

If you feel your own mistakes, as soon as the opportunity arises, say: “I am guilty, I was wrong.” I think this will quickly warm my mother’s heart.

If you know that she is wrong, then try not to touch on this topic for a longer time, and then gain maximum calm, you can replay the monologue in your head, and then go communicate. It is better to structure the conversation in three parts.

In the first, try to justify your mother’s position. Show that you understand her point of view. This will prove that you are an adult, adequately perceive her words and hear what she tells you.

Try to avoid offensive words directed at you. There is no need to say things like “You think that I don’t know how to do anything, I can’t live on my own, I’m stupid and don’t understand people.” You attribute to her those words that she did not say or remind her of those phrases that she already regrets. This will cause new emotions and a new portion of swearing. Maximum peace of mind is your task.

Also try not to talk about those moments in which you do not quite understand your mother. Then try to find arguments that prove your point, or an alternative that will suit everyone. Let this conversation be constructive. “Okay, you think it’s too early for us to live together. What do you say if my boyfriend and I find a job first?”

In the end, the rose on the reconciliation cake could be a request for advice: “How much do you think we need to earn at first in order to live a normal life?”

In parting, I would like to recommend a book to you. This story at one time spread all over the world. A few years ago, a doctor was invited to the Hawaiian psychiatric department, who managed, with the help of 4 phrases, to close the department after 4 years. All patients were healthy.

Read Luke Boden's bestselling book #H'oponopono to learn to forgive and make peace with the unconscious memories that are ruining your life. I'm sure your mother appears in them more than once. This book will teach you to forget about past bad moments and stop self-destruction.

Positive symptoms

You will notice changes in behavior immediately. However, they can be not only negative, but also positive. Parents usually have no difficulties with positive aspects of a child’s behavior: they will always praise, help, support, and encourage. The main thing is to notice all the advantages and not ignore them.

• Determination. Your child can take responsibility for any homework and will complete it without prompting and in a timely manner. Time will tell how far he has the ambition. However, do not forget to praise him.
• Curiosity. Your child will begin to show interest in things that previously did not interest him (for example, biology or space). A new hobby may appear. This suggests that the baby is developing, expanding his horizons. Offer your help in finding the information he is interested in. The child will appreciate your participation. In addition, working out together will help you understand each other faster.
• Repeat after adults. During this period, you may notice that the child copies your actions, statements, and habits. He tries to be an adult and talk about his actions and concerns. Help him, teach him to reason logically, draw conclusions, and analyze his behavior.
• Appearance. Both girls and boys have a special interest in appearance. Children always want to appear older than their age. You shouldn’t stop this desire: allow your child to experiment a little. He will feel equal to you and will listen to your advice.

Notice and reinforce good changes in your child’s behavior. And then he will trust you more, argue less and surprise you with his obedience.

Crisis 8 years

If your child is entering his eighth year, this does not mean that the crisis will end immediately after your child turns 8 years old. In fact, the crisis of preschool or primary school age is considered to be the period from 5 to 9 years. It is unknown when it will begin and end for your baby, as it depends on many factors.

School is one of the reasons that can provoke a crisis

Parents should take into account that at school the child has to follow different rules than at home and study on a schedule. At the same time, during lessons, a child can behave without complaints or comments from the teacher, but when he comes home, he becomes completely uncontrollable.

This behavior will not go unnoticed by parents.

STORM OF THE FAMILY

Since my speech was temporarily disabled, Serezha’s mother takes my silence for sympathy and begins to quietly complain: “He’s always like this with me. With dad just a perfect child. But he simply doesn’t care for me, my grandmother, a teacher. And at home we have complete love and mutual understanding, no one yells at anyone, no one swears, well, sometimes we can quarrel with my husband, but everything is also quiet, without shouting. And Seryozha used to be so obedient, so affectionate, but he went to school - and it was as if they had replaced him.”

Then, however, it turns out that this is not entirely true. When Seryozha was only two years old, he could easily have swung a spatula at his mother, kicked his grandmother, or snatched a cookie out of her hands, which her mother was about to put in her mouth. But then everything was written off as “this age will pass.”

Seryozha grew up, and nothing happened. The five-year-old boy fell to the floor, kicked his legs, screamed like a fool, threw his boots... His mother jumped around him, lamenting and persuading. The grandmother pursed her lips mournfully, but did not dare say a meaningful word: she is a hanger-on here, the apartment belongs to Serezha’s dad. The last incident at home looked like this: Mom asked (!) Seryozha to sit down for his homework. Seryozha responded in the spirit of “Get out of my room” and threw a textbook at his mother. Mom came out and then cried in the kitchen.

Aggressive behavior in adolescents: what to do?

There are many facts and even more fictions on the topic of increased emotionality in adolescents. From the point of view of common sense, adults understand everything - hormonal imbalance and restructuring are to blame. Then why can’t fully grown mothers and fathers always cope with teenagers?

Try to put yourself in their place! Your body, which you knew everything about yesterday and was quite happy with, begins to change dramatically. Your arms are long, your clothes don’t fit well, acne appears on your face, your voice betrays you. You are surrounded by complete hysterics and psychos (after all, everyone around them is going through the same changes as themselves, that is, teenagers are constantly in a rather explosive environment). And, of course, parents don’t understand.

Psychologists conducted studies that revealed that emotional reactions that would be a symptom of illness for adults are the norm for adolescents. Can you imagine how hard it is for them? How can we help our beloved children?

1. It will be great if you can show your child that it is normal to experience different emotions. Use yourself or your family as an example. Let him know that there are good and bad days, and his mood can vary. “But we love each other anyway. The main thing is, don’t be silent, come and we’ll talk.”
2. Anger control techniques will help. Beat a pillow, hit a punching bag, take a shower, take an anti-stress ball. Another great method is “writing on water with a pitchfork.” It is simple: move your finger through the water, describing all your sadness and grievances. And then you let the water down, it will pour out and take all your experiences with it.
3. At this age, the need for adrenaline appears. Help your child find such an activity: fly together in a wind tunnel or go karting, snowboarding or skydiving - the child will be grateful to you.
4. Tell him how you deal with stress. Alcohol and cigarettes don't count! Perhaps your experience will be useful to the child.