Male infidelity Let's not talk about lipstick on a shirt, an accidentally lost toilet part in the back seat of a car, or long hair in your bedroom.
Be that as it may, it happened. The husband, boyfriend, in a word, loved one, went to the left and you found out about it. How you became aware of this is secondary. The first reaction is shock, horror and misunderstanding of what is happening. Questions arise in my head one after another: “Why?!”, “How?!”, “For what?!” and “What did I do wrong?!” Mental pain and resentment, hostility and the desire to kill a man, and at the same time oneself, the emergence of an inferiority complex and everything connected with it. An unpleasant discovery is always followed by a storm of emotions.
Life did not end, despite the persistent feeling that the end of the world had come at that very moment. The first thing you need to do is put aside the frying pan, the ax and three packs of sleeping pills. Firstly, the betrayal has already happened, and secondly, in a more or less calm state there is a chance to understand at least yourself, not to mention your husband.
In order to calm down, you can resort to different methods: meet with a close friend (if, of course, she was not an accomplice), go and spend all the money on new clothes, change your image, sign up for yoga, break dishes, relieve stress in a nightclub , in the end. Everyone has their own methods, but the main thing is to be prepared for a very difficult and unpleasant conversation, which will be the second step.
Your partner may be in two states after cheating: either he will consider himself absolutely right and blame you for pushing him to cheat, or he will understand that he has done something irreparable and his conscience will torment him. Depending on the situation, you need to choose tactics when speaking. And first agree with yourself - what do you want to get as a result? Save the relationship, understand and forgive, or throw all his things out the window and never see him again, go and look into the eyes of the insidious temptress? Decide in advance! It is possible that after the dialogue your position will change, but you must go to work with constructively prepared theses. But first, try to calmly understand the situation and analyze the reasons for the betrayal.
If you are to blame
• Lately, your husband has been regularly hinting to you that it would be a good idea to exchange the cotton robe and pantaloons for red lace underwear, go to the salon and at least on holidays wear stiletto heels and dresses with a cut-out, but you were sure that your husband “loves you anyway.” ", continuing to fit into jeans and a shapeless robe.
• Lately, you have been constantly having a headache, the right little toe of your left foot, you were tired at work, and washing pots and ironing duvet covers took up all your free time, so sex was postponed until “distant later”, you yourself have already forgotten what it is.
• In response to your loved one’s innocent request to “diversify your life a little” with the help of scented candles or some products from an adult store, you turned on “grandma” and continued to insist on the missionary position in the dark. And in your opinion, you can only fantasize while cooking borscht.
Hence the result - the man’s patience ran out, and he went to get what he could not get from you elsewhere.
“Darlings scold, only amuse themselves” or old love with new strength
Even in quarrels, people who love each other still remain together. As for spouses, most often they begin to quarrel under the influence of monotony and everyday boredom, when they are completely absorbed by household obligations. But this does not mean that there is no way back - you can always return new strength to old love, and even greater than it was at the beginning of the relationship.
If you want to strengthen the strength of your love with your husband, you can try a proven method - add novelty to your relationship as often as possible. This could be renovating an apartment or a spontaneous weekend trip for a picnic, changing your own appearance or taking up a new hobby together.
Also pay great attention to your intimate life, try new and varied things there too. Many married couples break up due to the fact that one of the spouses is not satisfied with the quality of the sexual relationship. Therefore, do not hesitate to talk about a similar topic, offer each other fresh ideas and bring them to life.
Pleasant moments strengthen and support love feelings well, so try to often reproduce your joint events from the past. Go to the place where you first went on a date, or repeat exactly the moment of your first kiss. This will momentarily immerse you in a time when your feelings were just gaining strength, and will make you relive similar sensations again.
From the above methods, you and your husband will probably find the ones that will help you strengthen your relationship and bring it to the perfect level. The main thing is not to be afraid to try them and not to despair when your relationship hits difficult times.
If he's to blame
• It's no secret that many men are, to put it mildly, polygamous by nature. Therefore, for them, sex on the side is not a disaster. This is equivalent to any other vacation - sitting with friends in a bar, watching football, driving around the city at night, etc. That is, betrayal for him is not a personal insult, but simply a physiological action that has nothing to do with his feelings for you.
• A corporate party or any other drinking party, after which a man suddenly finds himself in the arms (or even in bed) of a charming woman. It seemed like I didn’t want to, but something went wrong.
• Sometimes a man who has a permanent woman, wife or lover, can fall in love. Not in you, and not because you are worse. It just happened somehow, by accident. Chemistry.
Options for the development of the event
To tell the truth or not?
Perhaps the woman felt lonely and unhappy, very upset and angry with her husband, so she cheated on him with another man. But it didn’t make her feel any better. It got even worse. Now she suffers even more and feels lonely.
Should I tell my husband about this? After all, since childhood, mothers and fathers taught to always tell the truth. Is this rule still relevant? And is it necessary to tell the truth in this situation?
First, a woman needs to think logically about this topic: if she tells the truth, who will feel better? The answer is obvious: no one. Both will suffer. And it doesn’t matter at all what a man does: leave or forgive, in any case he will suffer. After all, what is called treason? Adultery is an insult and betrayal. And if a woman cheats on her husband, it means that she puts a stranger above her own husband, even if she is with him for only one minute.
Who needs the truth, especially such a “bitter” one? If a woman from a young age is accustomed to being sincere and honest, then this is not the situation where she needs to show these positive qualities. She has a different goal: to save her marriage, and not to dissolve it.
Nobody knows how a man will react to such news. But he can’t help but be excited about his wife’s affair. Of course, he will be furious, he will be offended. One man can simply leave without saying a word, another, in a state of passion, can attack his woman. However, the man who can forgive his wife will never forget her betrayal.
Before rushing to tell her husband about an affair, a woman needs to pull herself together, calm down and leave the situation as her secret. After all, nothing can be changed. Everything has already happened. Now a woman must fight for her happiness. She must tell herself: “I am guilty before my husband, I committed a traitorous act towards him, but from this moment everything will change. Now we will have the strongest and happiest union.” It is with this attitude that a woman should strive to achieve her goals.
If a woman is a believer, she can go to church for the sacrament of repentance, where she can open up to the priest, telling about her sins. If she sincerely regrets what she did, she will definitely receive forgiveness from God. This is the only way it will become much easier for a woman.
A woman who is in complete despair sometimes does not understand what she is doing. And this despair can lead to adultery. Then the woman hates herself for this, and begins to more deeply analyze her relationship with her husband in marriage. How harmonious and beautiful the relationship with her husband will be depends on the woman.
Forgive
Many women, after their experiences and painful thoughts, “swallow” the insult and forgive the unfaithful man, hoping that “just once and it won’t happen again.” They forgive because there are children, a shared living space, there is no particular choice, and it’s simply scary to break off a relationship that has existed for a relatively long time. It also happens that betrayal really only happens once. But more often the opposite happens - if a man has already crossed this line of permissibility once (for any of the above reasons), then it will be much easier for him to do the same thing a second time: they will still forgive him.
Don't forget about the children
When spouses conflict, they completely forget about their children. Children are very sensitive to the situation in the family. They see that dad is angry with mom, he scolds her and says unpleasant words to her. The child thinks like this: “Dad doesn’t love mom.” He is afraid that his parents will divorce and worries about this situation much more than an adult.
Children very easily grasp the prevailing atmosphere in the family. They unmistakably feel what the relationship is between mom and dad. And parents who want to have a serious conversation are better off going somewhere if their children are nearby. You can’t start conflicts in front of them.
Why should children see this? There is no need to take away their childhood and traumatize their psyche. If parents show scenes of irritability and nervousness in front of their children, then there is a risk that the bad mood will affect the children. Often, psychologists look for the reasons for a child’s irritability and excitability in the family.
Collect his things
And throw it out the window. Or pack your suitcase and throw it out the door. Thanks to everybody, you're free. Of course, this is not so easy to do, because it hurts, it’s offensive and you really want to return everything back, rewind the tape of life. But if the decision to break up with a man has been made forever, follow through and let all the things that evoke in you any memories of a happy life together leave your life with him (donated jewelry, mobile phone, laptop, cat, etc.) leave the old refrigerator).
My husband stopped loving me - what should I do?
In some situations, a girl can easily understand that her husband has stopped loving her and is eager to develop the relationship. You can notice this by the fact that your spouse avoids physical intimacy, you have fewer common topics for communication, and you begin to talk less often about plans for the future, even the immediate one. Also, if a spouse falls out of love, he will stop paying increased attention and care to his wife, because he does not feel the need for it. This problem needs to be corrected as quickly as possible, before feelings completely cool down and lead to separation.
We look for and find out the reasons
The most important thing in this case is to find out for what reasons the husband’s love has cooled. Most often, the reason is the monotony of relationships, when a girl does not please her husband with her new appearance and beauty, because she thinks that he will not go anywhere anyway. You definitely need to flirt and make advances with your husband, dress beautifully and sometimes walk around the house in seductive clothes. Do not forget that a man loves with his eyes.
Also, your husband may fall out of love if your family life is not going well: household responsibilities are unequally divided, you do not keep the house clean or you cook poorly. Any man is drawn to a cozy home, so for the sake of male love, you need to learn to be a real mistress of the house.
The reason may also be that the spouse has a mistress on the side. This is already an advanced case when the lack of comfort at home and lack of attention from the wife led to the need to look for this comfort and attention on the side. Here you will have to seriously fight for your happiness. If you leave this problem unattended, the husband may eventually leave the family altogether, or take a permanent mistress.
Analyze mistakes, let go of grievances
Having found out the reason for the weakening of the husband’s love, you need to carefully analyze it. It is possible that the identified cause is not the only one and is supported by something else. It is important to collect all possible reasons. After this, the best solution would be to discuss all these problems together with your beloved husband, ask him as many questions as possible in order to understand the essence of the problem and find the optimal solution.
It is important not to quarrel with your husband, not to build your conversation in the form of reproaches. You just need to talk thoroughly and confidentially, so that you can then jointly let go of all the accumulated grievances and start living anew, strengthening your love with your husband.
How to figure it all out - advice from a psychologist
Psychologists recommend not turning to strangers or even loved ones for advice until you independently analyze your relationship and identify the reasons for the weakening of your husband’s love. If it is difficult to find a reason and your thoughts are confused in your head, it will be useful to write down all the reasons that come to mind on a piece of paper. Then you need to read all this with a fresh mind and your thoughts will become clearer. Psychologists also recommend being alone for a couple of days and observing your feelings - how lonely you feel without your spouse, whether you are drawn to him, what feelings you experience when you are alone. This helps a lot in understanding your real feelings towards your spouse, because without seeing him, you can become immersed in your own thoughts.
Stay friends
It is a rare case when a man and a woman can understand betrayal in the same way or not attach any importance to it at all. That is, perceive the fact itself as something insignificant, drink beer together, discuss the details and... just remain friends. At the same time, you can continue to live together, communicate and maintain relationships in every possible way. Until you get tired of it.
Although, of course, the only thing that will help you really cope with betrayal, forgive and survive it is time . In the meantime, you are sad and yearning - try not to focus on this, leave the betrayal in the past, in your “yesterday”, find new interests, reconsider your life, try to regain self-confidence and not blame yourself for what happened.
And find yourself a new loved one who will adore and take care of you. Know that he will definitely appear. This is the law of nature - someone new always comes to the vacant place!
How to live after betrayal
This will not happen again. A woman who cheated on her husband for the first time feels guilty and ashamed in front of him. She analyzes the situation for a long time, and once again imagines that everything could have been different. Stop tormenting yourself, tormenting yourself with exciting thoughts - it’s time to act.
A detailed analysis of the reasons that destroy love: irritation and dissatisfaction, resentment, distance, depression. What are the consequences, recommendations.
If a woman realizes that this relationship was a “one-time thing” and she loves her family, then she will definitely cope with this difficult situation. It is at this moment that a woman begins to understand how much she loves her husband. Perhaps she herself did not expect that she would go this far. Only now she is suffering and afraid that her husband will find out about this and the marriage will fall apart.
If a woman wants to confess everything to her husband in order to throw off this burden, then this burden will hang on her husband. Why shock your loved one and openly tell him: “I cheated on you.” Sounds awful.
This can be a big blow for him and his manhood will be hurt. And if the husband’s health is poor, then such news can kill him. Does a woman expect such a result? Of course not. This means that it would be better to take on the entire burden of gravity alone.
