- Time and patience
- Ask for forgiveness
- Take action
- Give the girl freedom
- Hold on until the end
- Bottom line
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Cheating becomes part of many couples' relationships. Not only guys cheat, but girls too. If it happened that you cheated, after which your relationship collapsed, then you probably want to know how to get the girl back. The men's site masculino.ru will help in this matter.
The girl may claim that she will never return to you again. Just believe that she will not be able to forgive you in the coming days or months. But if you intend to be with her, then give her time. It may take a few months, a year or even more, but she will forgive you if you do everything right. Much depends on the girl herself. How did she treat you? How serious were her feelings? Did she dream of being only with you? The stronger the girl’s feelings, the easier it is to get her back. But you still have to wait for time.
The girl will claim that it is impossible to return her. This is wrong. There are situations or things in a person’s life that he considers impossible for himself. But this is the biggest misconception that creates these most impossible things.
Nothing is impossible in nature. If a certain thought has arisen in a person’s mind, then its embodiment is possible. But why then do some people think that it is impossible for the poor to get rich, for drug addicts or alcoholics to become abstainers is unrealistic, and for a womanizer to become an exemplary family man is nonsense? The answer is quite simple: the impossible becomes impossible only when the person himself believes in it.
The impossible is possible if a person himself stops setting barriers and boundaries for himself. An alcoholic can become a teetotaler when he decides to become one for himself. And it doesn’t matter what people, medicine and statistics say. If a person decisively wants to become a teetotaler from an alcoholic, he will do it and lead a happy lifestyle. A womanizer can become an exemplary family man. This can happen both under the influence of circumstances (a man, for example, loves his woman very much) and of his own free will (a man decides that from now on he will only be with one woman).
The impossible is possible. It becomes impossible only when a person begins to set boundaries, limits, restrictions, and rules for himself. Even fear can become the factor that makes the possible impossible. For example, you are afraid of spiders; accordingly, it becomes impossible for you to hold a spider in your hands. Fear became the factor that made some event impossible, although in fact a person can hold a spider in his hands.
The impossible is possible. Everything is possible in this life. But this happens until a person begins to set boundaries, rules and boundaries for himself, why something becomes impossible for him. Anything is possible if you stop limiting yourself and making excuses.
Is it possible to regain trust after betrayal?
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Trust is a simple but very meaningful word. It is trust that is the basis of any relationship, since trust, this invisible substance
, like powerful cement holds together that without which normal relationships are impossible.
If there is trust in your relationship, then you will sleep peacefully at night, feeling peace and tranquility. And it is trust that makes every phone call, every text message from your partner so welcome and enjoyable.
. And only thanks to trust can any relationship be preserved even when the partners remain for a long period of time at an arc distance from each other.
How to save a family if your husband cheats - advice from a psychologist
Any unpleasant situation in the life of the spouses seems to them a disaster. But betrayal is a case that cannot be compared with anything. The female sex experiences this event much more difficult. Some women can say with confidence that adultery is comparable to the death of a relative.
We must prepare for serious difficulties if a lady decides to save her family. She will have to go through painful periods, which, in addition to loss of trust, occur along with a feeling of betrayal, shame and severe pain.
How to save a family on the verge of divorce - advice from a psychologist.
The perception of what happened depends on the woman’s degree of self-esteem. If she is too jealous, you need to prepare to confront yourself, since tracking every action of your loved one is not a particularly effective method for preserving the family. Ultimately, this will encourage the husband to cheat on his wife again.
Pride is another reason for the inevitable internal struggle. You will have to fight with your own causticity and desire to humiliate the traitor. In such a situation, the lover may not tolerate this and leave for another.
If a woman decides to be an eternal victim, then the family will also face an unfavorable outcome. Consciously or not, with or without reproaches, the lady will create a situation in which her husband will feel eternally guilty of any problems, no matter if they happened or not.
But how to build a family life after your spouse cheats? Is it possible? The answer to the question is positive. Strangely enough, there are situations when betrayal on the part of a husband acts as cement for a collapsing marriage.
Watch the video. How to survive betrayal. Advice from a family psychologist.
Types of treason
Adultery can be different. You cannot judge your spouse’s actions or give advice without knowing the details of what happened.
Ringed men commit adultery for several reasons:
- One night stands, lust or making a sexual dream come true,
- A passing hobby, new emotions, fresh sensations, improved self-esteem,
- Love/infatuation that ends in a long-term affair.
A one-time betrayal is easier to forgive; the husband could take such a step due to some special circumstances. Of course, this does not mitigate his guilt, but understanding male psychology clarifies a lot.
An intelligent woman knows that a man by nature is a conqueror and hunter, so possible betrayal on the part of her spouse is never ruled out. There is always hope, I want to believe that my husband is not like that, but the facts tell a different story.
How to save a family if the husband has grown cold?
Sometimes a man can sleep with another because of intimate incompatibility with his wife, protecting her from his vulgar desires, with which he is afraid of offending his beloved. It is no easier for the wife to “court” her in this way, but the husband has a special opinion on this matter, he is confident in the correctness of his own actions.
Sex due to alcohol intoxication is also possible, when a man is unable to refuse a lustful girl who is pursuing him. Most likely, after sobering up, he will realize his guilt and will try not to make such mistakes again.
70% of men cheat
As a rule, eternal “hunters” or husbands who have been married for decades take part in the search for new sensations. Monotony, stability, children, family worries, tire you over time.
The unexpected appearance of a beautiful girl often sends a married man down the wrong path and creates the illusion of happiness. He feels young again, gets the opportunity to change his boring position, and is glad that someone else is interested in him.
Reasons for betrayal
All people are different. This also applies to the male half of the population.
There are several reasons why cheating occurs:
- Lifestyle. The man is not used to monotony. Despite the feelings he has for only one woman, he is not against affairs on the side. It’s more interesting for him to live if his partners change often,
- Boring life. A man gets bored with routine. From day to day, the spouse does not change either in the kitchen or in her intimate life. My husband gets bored with this and starts looking for something new,
- Increased self-esteem. If the husband is not without complexes, and his wife teases him about this, he begins to assert himself with other women,
- Hypersexuality. There is a type of man for whom sex is never enough. If the wife is unable to give her husband the amount of sex he needs, then he will make up for the “norm” with the help of other women,
- Spouse's indifference. A husband may sometimes not understand his wife's constant headache. In particular, this applies to the moment when everything goes towards sex. This attitude of his beloved forces him to cheat,
- Dissatisfaction. This occurs in cases where the spouse is not able to give the man the desired sensations from sex.
To prevent your husband from thinking about copulation with another lady, try to devote more time to him. If you still have difficulties regarding this problem, but you don’t want to bring the matter to a divorce, then go to a psychologist for help. He will tell you how to learn to forgive your spouse’s betrayals without losing your self-esteem.
Watch the video. Signs of male infidelity. How to find out if he is cheating or not?
Signs of betrayal
Almost any lady can easily recognize adultery.
To be convinced of suspicions about your husband’s infidelity, it is enough to pay attention to the following points:
- Mobile phone. Despite the man’s attempts to hide something, the wife can understand this by his behavior, for example, if the husband, answering the call, goes into another room or speaks with some encrypted meaning. Frequent SMS also makes you think. But you shouldn’t immediately think about cheating, maybe your spouse just decided to give you an unexpected gift,
- Appearance. If your husband suddenly changed his image and became more attentive to himself, think about it. This could be a warning sign
- Late returns from work. All wives know the schedule and peculiarities of their spouses’ work. If a man starts returning home late, pay attention to this. It is possible that the reason for the constant delays was another woman,
- Deception. A woman is able to think logically, so it is not difficult for her to guess where the lie is and where the truth is, especially if we take into account the details that the husband did not take into account.
If you notice such oddities in the behavior of your loved one and think that he is cheating on you, do not get excited. Better think about the possible reason. You will probably understand how to forgive your husband and improve family relationships. You can separate at any time, but not every wife can save the family idyll.
My husband wants to get a divorce, but I don’t – what should I do?
My husband cheated but won't leave
A man can remain in the family after cheating for various reasons.
The most common are:
- The frivolity of the novel. Under such circumstances, the man is not sure that he is ready to leave his family and doubts his love for his new passion. Chances are it's just a passing fad.
- Weakness of spirit does not allow one to speak honestly about betrayal. This requires considerable psychological effort,
- The husband does not want to hurt his wife, but in this situation there can be no talk of love. It's a simple pity. Most often, they learn about betrayal during a quarrel or an unexpected meeting between a mistress and her husband,
- Common past. In such a situation, the spouse simply does not want to interrupt such a long journey together in life. After all, during this time you had children, you solved more than one problem together,
- The husband wants to return to the old relationship. It is likely that he is simply confused and has decided to resurrect his feelings for you, starting over from scratch.
Is it worth saving the family?
Psychologists cannot give an exact answer to this question, because it is necessary to solve it independently.
Before you decide, imagine how your life will turn out after a divorce or think about the prospects for your future life with your husband. Try to sort out your feelings.
Try to find an independent person who will delve into your problem. Try not to talk about this topic with loved ones - they will not soon forgive a man for inflicting a mental wound on you.
Find out whether your husband has decided to stay in the family or intends to leave. What do you want? The conversation will help you understand what to do next with your relationship.
THIS IS INTERESTING! Five reasons for cheating in marriage.
How to improve relationships
He remained in the family, although there was an opportunity to leave. He is nearby, and that's the main thing. It’s not easy to stop a man if he has a new love. If he stayed, then this characterizes his betrayal as a one-time affair, and the spouse does not want to end the family relationship. This is a simple formula that you need to know when determining the future fate of family life.
Look at the problem from a different angle: how often do husbands marry their mistresses? It has long been known that the probability is extremely low. This suggests that it is not so easy for a husband to decide to break off family relationships. His wife is more important to him than a little-known lady.
What to do next? Make sure that as few people as possible know about your spouse’s betrayal. You especially shouldn’t tell your girlfriends or mom about the incident.
Firstly, in the future they will once again remind you of your spouse’s betrayal, forcing you to show negative emotions. Secondly, you will protect your husband's reputation. There is nothing wrong with the fact that your friends will continue to respect the head of the family.
It is highly undesirable for your children to know about your spouse’s infidelity, so you should not quarrel in their presence.
How to improve your relationship with your husband?
Set the record straight
fizkes/Getty Images Pro
When betrayal occurs, this event is perceived as a disaster - nothing less. Emotions run high, a stream of mutual accusations begins, which develops into some kind of long-term military conflict
. However, nothing in this world happens for nothing. Everything needs a reason. And to clarify, we need to dig deeper.
Did something happen between both you and your partner that should have been addressed sooner, but was ignored?
Talk to your partner. Try to figure out what happened and why. You may be bursting with anger, no doubt, but if you really want reconciliation
, you MUST learn to listen to each other. The answers that are heard in such a dialogue often allow you to get to the bottom of that very first wormhole that appeared in your relationship long before the betrayal.
Cheating itself is just a symptom (and not the only one), but not the main problem.
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It is very important that both sides show a desire to start this dialogue - open, honest, although very painful. In other words, both sides
must be sincerely interested in:
- clarify what happened;
- be ready to re-concentrate the efforts that are necessary to rebuild the relationship again.
If this does not happen, then your relationship will surely die, agonizing in a flood of pain, regret and resentment.
Looking for reasons
When can a beloved one have a mistress? Domestic problems and an unsatisfactory intimate life are the main reasons for the chosen one’s search for joy with a new sweetheart.
If it's just an affair, then most women try to turn a blind eye to what happened. But the opponent may begin to claim more than one-time meetings, then it is necessary to think about the likely consequences of the development of events. The mistress joyfully meets her soul mate, loves, appreciates, understands.
If you want to get your spouse back from your sweetheart, analyze the relationship from the outside. Write down the pros and cons of marriage on a piece of paper. Perhaps the other half does not have enough sensuality, tenderness, understanding, and intimate diversity. Give it to him without causing scandals with your rival. Then the chosen one will return himself.
First of all, it is necessary to understand why the cold appeared and the chosen one was drawn to the side. What could be the reasons for this:
- The spouse has little time devoted to his significant other. Usually women are busy solving domestic issues and caring for children. A man is like a child, he also needs attention, love, affection, care, tenderness.
- The woman stopped taking care of herself. The heads of families want to see a beautiful, well-groomed companion next to them, but unkempt slobs only repel them.
- No common interests. Forget about the dishes, talk to your spouse, watch a movie or football match together, take a walk in the park. Remember everything that connected you - then your feelings will flare up with renewed vigor.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Identify motives
People do certain things for certain reasons. Usually these actions are rational and important to the one who performs them. And such an act as treason is no exception. People who committed treason
, may feel hurt, lonely or unappreciated. Most often, they try to find on the side what they do not get from their partner.
Take a standard situation: one of the partners in a relationship receives less attention from the other. For what reason he is not given this attention is another question. Perhaps one of the partners is too busy with their career
, devotes a lot of time to friends or there were other reasons. And a person who suffers from a lack of this attention quite reasonably looks for it on the side.
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If on the path of such a person he meets someone who is ready to pay maximum attention, who is ready to spend all his time on communication and courtship
, it will not be difficult for him or her to reach the heart of a person deprived of this same attention.
It is also possible (and this is not uncommon) when the partner who was cheated on blames himself for what happened. There are also difficult situations when you did everything right, giving to your partner
the maximum that people in a relationship can usually give each other. But your partner still cheated on you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
Motivation also plays an important role in maintaining or repairing relationships. And then it’s no longer so important what exactly led to the betrayal
– dissatisfaction with your sex life, some small old grievances, lack of the same attention.
Mistakes to Avoid
Many men perceive the end of a relationship painfully and, guided by emotions, commit rash acts that not only do not contribute to the return of their wife, but also alienate her. Here are some of them:
- Accusations, threats. Even if you are sure that your wife and her actions are to blame for the separation, do not attack her and do not blame her for all mortal sins. Dialogue must be constructive. Also, under no circumstances should you blackmail or threaten your wife. Even if she comes back to you out of fear, the marriage will not be happy for either her or you.
- Gifts, excessive attention. Romantic actions will not help restore trust; it can only be earned through internal changes. Excessive attention will only scare you. Expensive gifts will create the illusion that you want to buy love.
- Spontaneous actions. Act according to the plan, be calm and stay on track. Drunk calls in the middle of the night, your visit to her work and other impulsive actions will definitely not help.
- Jealousy. Of course, this is difficult to understand, but after breaking up, your beloved is a free woman and has the right to relationships with other men. Your task is not to scare off potential suitors, but to show in a fair and competitive fight that you are better and more worthy.
You will learn more about errors from the video:
Get serious about rebuilding your relationship.
How valuable was the relationship that ended in cheating to you? If the first passions
After you find out about the betrayal and have settled down, ask yourself the following three questions:
- Am I ready/willing to interact with her/him despite what happened?
- Do I still love her/him?
- Am I ready/willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this crisis in the relationship?
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These are complex questions that cannot be answered immediately, offhand. warm feelings and respect left in you
, which could become the basis for restoring relations. Ask yourself, for example, are you able to have fun together and share each other's company most of the time?
If you answered “yes” to all of the above questions, then, despite the long and difficult path left behind, it makes sense to make an effort to move forward together
. If you are willing to dedicate your lives to each other, if you are sincerely willing to work together to figure out the situation together, then the chances remain that will allow you to overcome these difficulties together.
If you accept this, then you need to move on. There should be no indecisiveness. Now you have a simple choice - all or nothing
. If you hesitate, then you are not ready to restore the relationship.
How to get your wife back if she fell in love with someone else
How to return a wife who has chosen someone else? This is more complicated than other cases. Determine for yourself how serious her new relationship is, what it gives her, and why she chose this man. It’s clear that you consider yourself better, but did she make a choice in favor of another man? What could attract her to him?
Perhaps the initial fascination with him has already passed, and there are no serious plans for the future. If a personal meeting is possible, talk to her frankly, find out what kind of future she wants for herself - this will help you decide on your future model of behavior.
Is your spouse in love, happy in your new relationship, and asks you never to disturb her? The chances of the family returning are low. You will definitely have to retreat for a while.
If you are wise and sensitive enough, you will be able to understand when there is a shaky moment in the relationship. Feel it, offer your support, talk.
Contact a family psychologist
Jacob Lund
A civil engineer has an excellent understanding of construction; surgeon - in how the human body functions; and the psychologist deals with the complexities of human relationships. And if this were not so, such a specialty simply would not exist
. Almost always, rebuilding trust and wanting to rebuild a relationship is a difficult choice that requires courage. Sometimes with a lot of courage.
And since you have taken this step, but are experiencing difficulties on your chosen path, then why not take another one - turn to a family psychologist? People who are professionals
in matters of relationships and psychology in general, they know what to pay attention to first of all in such cases.
You and your partner may be quite smart and experienced, but you don't have to know, for example, how to operate on appendicitis. And don’t be embarrassed by the fact that you don’t know how to proceed after cheating.
. Third-party help, if it comes from a real professional, cannot be overestimated in this situation.
LightFieldStudios/Getty Images
A psychologist for those who have decided to cope with betrayal, forgive it and rebuild a relationship with the same partner, this is akin to a pilot who will guide your ship through stormy waters, avoiding rocks and reefs
. This is exactly what is needed not only by the person who was cheated on, but also by the one who committed the betrayal.
Take action
To get back the girl you cheated on, you will have to take action. Here you need to observe moderation in everything - this is very important. If you give gifts, do not shower her with them. If you write love messages, don't write too many. If you meet her after school or work, then not always.
You changed - that's bad. But just because you want the girl back, you don’t need to lose your dignity. Continue working, studying, going about your life as you did before. Just understand that you need to make time for your girlfriend in your busy schedule.
Maintain your self-respect - no girl needs a doormat. There is no need to run after a girl, but sometimes you need to appear in her field of vision. There is no need to talk about your love often, but you need to make it clear that you are interested in a girl.
Take action, namely, show the girl that you want to be with her. Communicate as soon as she makes contact. Develop to stay interesting. Do everything good for your girlfriend. And most importantly, show that you remain faithful to her. She should not see you in the company of other girls, unless they are your work colleagues, sisters or classmates.
A girl should not be jealous of you, much less doubt your fidelity. There should be no reason on your part for this.
Forgiveness
You were fighting for your relationship. You worked tirelessly to overcome what happened. Your relationship is still quite fragile
, but at least you continue to work together to preserve and strengthen them.
Sometimes, despite the fact that you have not separated and hope to overcome the crisis
, feelings of resentment and even indignation persist. This only says one thing - the betrayal was not forgiven.
And then the victim of betrayal begins to use the situation in such a way as to extract various advantages from it. Phrases such as “it’s not for you to talk about this after what you did/did”
into your communication
every now and then . Treason begins to be used in disputes as a reproach; the person who has been cheated on constantly reminds the perpetrator that he has crossed a certain line.
fizkes/Getty Images Pro
In other words, the victim of betrayal considers himself entitled to act as a kind of executioner (which, in fact, happens all the time). This means you haven't gotten over the betrayal yet.
– you, both partners. The cheater, perhaps, constantly feels guilty, giving in to disputes and conflicts.
This is a dead-end path that will not allow you to restore dilapidated relationships. Maintaining them for some time is possible. But build strong and trust-based
Only complete forgiveness will help the relationship rebuild. Complete forgiveness is when the victim of treason forgives the perpetrator of treason, and the perpetrator of treason forgives himself.
What to do if you accidentally find out about cheating
Have you suddenly learned about the presence of a homewrecker with whom your beloved is secretly dating or planning to connect?
How to deal with betrayal and return the cheater?
- Having learned about betrayal, you cannot cut from the shoulder.
- Do something: household chores, hobbies, sports.
- Solve everyday issues automatically, they will help you understand what happened.
- Make an assessment and analyze the situation with a cool head, this is the only way to find a way out of it.
A similar algorithm of actions should be carried out when a woman turns out to be unfaithful. At an appointment with a psychologist, many young ladies say: “I cheated on my husband, how to regain trust.” When deciding to return your beloved after betrayal, remember - everyone has the right to make a mistake.
Men are polygamous by nature. Their minds are sometimes filled with thoughts of sex with another woman. Not everyone realizes them in life, but sometimes it happens.
Your beloved has repented of his action - try to start all over again. Go on a trip together, let it be just another honeymoon. If it’s not possible to relax together, plan an activity that will bring you closer together. This could be renovation or construction of a summer house. Over time, the bad will be forgotten, only the good will remain. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
Give each other time
If someone has had an accident that results in a fracture, it will take a long time for the fracture to heal. But even then he will remind himself
, whine in bad weather, require special care and attention. Unfortunately, for many, betrayal turns out to be much more painful than a fracture.
A broken heart, even if you try to “glue it back together,” can take years to heal. Therefore, you should not be surprised that the situation does not let you go after a month, six months or even a year.
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According to psychologists, if couples manage to survive infidelity, it sometimes takes up to three years for the situation to be completely resolved
. Of course, a lot depends on the circumstances; much depends on the depth of feelings, on the sincerity of subsequent relationships.
However, if you are determined to restore your relationship, if you are ready to survive this difficult moment, give and earn forgiveness, you will need patience
. You must go through stages of anger, despondency, distrust, vulnerability and perhaps a feeling of shame. It is necessary to drink this bitter cup to the fullest.
Do not try to speed up this process - it is almost impossible. Take one small step towards each other
. Contact a psychologist when obstacles arise. Continue to move slowly in the chosen direction until the long-awaited healing finally comes!
What not to do?
- Obsess over the situation.
And for the tenth time, complain to your girlfriends about your husband, “the dog and the goat,” go to psychics, tell fortunes using coffee grounds, and so on.
This will only make things worse. Yes, of course, you are a living person and you are in pain, but you don’t need to get bogged down in this pain. Otherwise, you’ll work yourself up to the therapist’s couch.
- Behave the same way as before.
If you don't want things to come to the same thing. Einstein said that the greatest stupidity is to do the same thing and expect a different result.
- Focus only on the man.
Shift the focus of attention (and therefore energy) to yourself. Urgently. Take care of yourself: gym, fitness, swimming pool, spa, new hairstyle, drawing courses, balloon festival... whatever.
You will begin to enjoy yourself and will “let go” a little, which will immediately affect your mood, self-esteem and your relationships, and your husband will look at you with different eyes.
- Retaliate or respond. No comments here.
Cling to dead relationships if you see that he doesn't want them. You need to get off a dead horse; a broken trolleybus won't go any further.
Don't try to save a relationship at any cost out of fear of loneliness or wounded pride.
If you feel that something has already broken inside, let it go. Work on yourself and you will definitely meet a normal man.
And think about this: if, in addition to your husband, in your close circle there were 3-4 more worthy men who were not indifferent to you, more successful, rich, and worthy than him.
Would you like to return it?
If you love each other and have decided to restore your family, you need to go through at least 5 steps.
Be extremely transparent
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Yes, be transparent, literally like glass! After cheating has occurred and attempts are being made to repair the relationship, transparency is required from both partners, not just from the perpetrator of the betrayal.
, although this is primarily expected from the guilty party. Full transparency is essential to rebuilding lost trust.
Don't give your partner a single chance to think that you are hiding anything from him again. Don't hide anything, don't keep secrets
, because secrecy and secrets in your situation can be detrimental to the process of restoring relationships.
For example, if the phone rings, it would be unforgivably stupid not to let your partner know who exactly called you and for what reason. On the way to building a new relationship with an old partner
it is necessary to forget about small personal secrets. The period during which you will restore lost trust is simply inevitable in your relationship.
What not to do to get your cheating husband back
A frightening feeling of emptiness arises after the chosen one leaves for the homewrecker. A calm, measured life shattered like a crystal vase. Do you want to return your beloved one to the family nest, and life back to normal? Read carefully what you are prohibited from doing.
- Afraid of being alone. The fear of being alone should not lead to the desire to return the fornicator. The passion has faded, the old feelings are gone - use the departure of your loved one as a chance to start a new life.
- Manipulate children. Using children as a deterrent is stupid. Attempts to save the family may fail, because at home there will be a constant atmosphere of anxiety and aggression.
- Show integrity. Restoring a relationship with a cheater on principle will not bring happiness. Give up revenge, rather remember the good.
Cut off old connections
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If you are the same person who, having committed infidelity, betrayed the trust of your partner, you need to cut off all ties with the person with whom you cheated.
. This means that it is necessary to exclude all phone calls, all messages, all email correspondence, not to mention any personal visits.
Once you and your partner have decided to go through this situation together, there should be no “last or goodbye” meetings with the one with whom you cheated. No contact at all!
If you've decided to leave this stage of your life behind, then that's where it belongs. Your partner who is trying to forgive you deserves it.
Perhaps you had reasons for doing what you did. However, you now have even more reasons to restore your broken relationship.
. And if you try to do this by maintaining contact with “that person,” then you will not succeed.
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Even if you have business ties with such a person, cut them off too. Otherwise, your partner simply will not have enough internal strength to restore his trust.
to you. Few people are ready to accept the fact that their partner maintains at least some connection with the person who almost destroyed their life together.
How to forgive betrayal
If your husband cheats, you can return him to the family. Pull yourself together and try to behave appropriately. In this situation, screams and hysterics will only worsen the situation. Give a chance to change the situation. Angry reproaches only irritate the stronger sex.
Psychologists give some advice on how to cope with the betrayal of your other half:
- Accumulating grievances and avoiding meetings is bad.
- Remember that you are still a married couple, you have a lot in common.
- Take advantage of opportunities to talk.
- Try to suppress pride and negative emotions.
- Think logically, since men are guided not by feelings, but by rational arguments.
- Listen carefully to the other side.
- Hold back when things you hear provoke you into a stream of aggression.
- Remember, if your partner makes contact, then everything can be restored.
- Take every chance to get your lover back.
If you truly love a spouse who is remorseful, try to forgive him. Many men, after a one-time “leftist”, begin to value family and take care of relationships.
Stop discussing what happened
Treason has taken place. Both partners decided to continue living together, strenuously fighting for lost trust, jointly building on the ruins of past relationships
new relationships. Relationships for the sake of a future life - happy, full of trust. In other words, you both decided to move forward together.
This means that once clarity has been established and the motive has been determined, it is necessary to stop discussing what happened. We need to stop discussing cheating
, return to it periodically in your conversations, adding salt to an unhealed wound.
There is no better analogy than this: imagine that you get seriously injured. You received stitches and a bandage. But you, instead of giving the wound time to heal
, periodically you tear off this same bandage in order to... look at your wound. This is reminiscent of the behavior of a masochist, isn't it?
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If you sincerely want to recreate a strong relationship with the same partner again, leave the past in the past. Live here and now. Learn from what happened, make the necessary conclusions and judgments
, and then move forward. Otherwise, the healing period may take much longer (if healing occurs at all).
End the relationship if you haven't already.
If you cheated and have not yet mustered up the courage to leave the new young lady, do it urgently.
You can call her in the presence of your girlfriend so that she will be calmer. You have to say that you choose your girl. And that she is more valuable to you than having affairs on the side.
In general, you yourself know how to end a relationship. But do it in a way that doesn't hurt your girlfriend. And so that she knows as few details as possible.
Be sure to say that you have completely cut this person out of your life. And that nothing like this will happen again.
Keep your promises
If you committed adultery and are given another chance, you have an incredible responsibility. It's clear that you should be completely transparent and not lie to your partner. But this is not enough.
Now you must also be careful about what you promise. And if they promised, then they must do everything to keep these promises.
Say only what you mean and don't give false hope. Your optionality for a long period of time
will be perceived as a lie. Even a small attempt to embellish something can cause a suspicious attitude towards you.
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Each of your misdeeds will respond with a new blow to the structure that we call restored relationships. And any of these blows could be the last, destructive
. Not only be honest with your partner, but show that you are consistent and dependable.
Hold on until the end
While the girl is free and gives you a chance to improve, hold on until the end. Do whatever is required of you to prove your love and fidelity to her. Show great patience, do not demand understanding and forgiveness from yourself. It can take a very long time for a girl to really trust you. Everything will depend only on your actions, which prove your loyalty.
But if a girl goes out, dates other guys, constantly ignores you and doesn’t give you a chance to restore the relationship, then perhaps everything is completely ruined. You can try to get her back, but don't humiliate yourself for too long.
Do together what you both liked before cheating
After betrayal, even if you have declared your readiness to survive it together, it is quite easy to get bogged down in everyday trifles. It’s very difficult to immediately abstract
from what happened and move on with your life. However, answer the following question: what was your relationship based on before the betrayal?
Any relationship is initially characterized by pleasant moments that need to be returned to again. Have a confidential conversation with your partner. Remember the things you did together
, and which gave you a mutual feeling of happiness. Think about all the places you have visited before; remember where you felt comfortable and warm together.
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It's time to visit them again! It's time to make dates again in the same places, go to the same cinemas, visit the same entertainment venues, cafes and restaurants. Such behavior will psychologically return
you back to the good times. Take them as a basis. And then organize new pleasant moments.
Cheating always brings chaos into the life of a couple, tearing it apart, breaking it into multiple pieces. The sharp claws of betrayal leave deep wounds on the heart, which take a lot of time to heal. However, they can be cured.
Sometimes it is simply necessary to destroy something shaky in order to build something stronger in its original place. And sometimes, in order to move forward, it is useful to look far back.
How to get your wife's love back
How to return your wife, her love? By actions. It’s easier if she lives alone - this means that the place of a life partner is still vacant, her heart is free. Send a courier with flowers, be consistent, create a positive impression of yourself. Moreover, it will be better if the flowers are not a one-time event. Send a courier every day, throughout the week. It is important that these visits do not cause inconvenience for the wife. You should know for sure that she is at home and ready to receive the bouquet. Remain incognito until the seventh day. In the seventh bouquet, leave a note in which you express the hope that your spouse will want to talk to you.
Prove not in words, but in deeds, that you have changed if something confused her. Intention to change doesn't work here - change for real. Example: You have been abusing alcohol - stop drinking completely. If you were passive, go in for sports, sign up for courses, start visiting interesting places. Changes should not be temporary. Make your final decision - are you ready to change for the sake of this woman, or is this an illusion.
Offer her real help - help where possible, but do not be intrusive.
Apologies
A person who keeps his remorse to himself is unlikely to be able to earn trust back. Be sincere.
To rebuild your relationship, you need to demonstrate to your partner that you are truly and sincerely sorry for what you did.
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This does not mean that you have to repent your whole life. But if you are not going to repent at all, live as if nothing had happened, and even in any conflict situation
make this clear, then you are hardly worthy of forgiveness. Express your sincere regrets and then move forward; restore what you destroyed with your own hands.
Decide whether the relationship is worth saving.
Each of you could, for example, write a pros and cons list of why you should or shouldn't be together. Think about why exactly you want to save this relationship.
Perhaps you're just afraid to be alone. Or you think that no one else will pay attention to you.
You also need to think about what you want from your relationship. If you understand that you love her, then you are doing everything right. Perhaps the girl is changing and she is no longer so interested in you, and infidelity is simply a consequence of that.
You must understand that your love, friendship, and common goals are on the same scale. And on the other - the fact of betrayal. Maybe it’s better to start building a life without her?
