A girl always thinks through a date with a guy down to the smallest detail - from the topics that can be discussed to the ideal appearance. And after the long-awaited meeting, a romantic mood, euphoria, happy plans for the future appear... But the object of sympathy suddenly disappears and does not show initiative. Why? Everything went amazingly - the man clearly made it clear that he was interested, walked her home, was polite and flirted. What happened? Why doesn't a guy text after a date? What could have scared him away? And how to behave in such situations?
Reasons why men don't contact you after the first date
If a guy disappears after the first date, rarely any girl will be indifferent to this. No! You need to know the reasons for such strange behavior, especially if the meeting was held at the highest level and the young man struck a chord with you.
So, after the first meeting, the man, saying goodbye, promised to make himself known, but he never calls (writes). What is it for?
- He didn't like you. In virtual communication, everything looks much better: beautiful photos that the user carefully selects before putting them on public display, relaxed communication with emoticons, etc. In real life, people may simply not get along - a strong smell of perfume, a bad habit of twisting their hair, different interests, bad taste in an outfit, a couple of extra pounds. Why did you promise to write then? Just out of politeness.
- The guy doubts that he likes you. There are timid, shy individuals who are afraid of seeming intrusive. Even if the chosen one was collected and open on a date, in his soul he could die from his own complexes. If this is the reason, wait, he needs to gain courage.
- Waiting for your initiative. There are young people who adhere to the well-known principle “the less we love a woman, the more she likes us.”
- No time. Being stuck at work, having a failed session, moving, and being tired after a 20-hour hard day simply turns off your brain.
- I lost the opportunity to contact you. I lost (drowned, stole, broke) my phone, mixed up the dialing number, lost my SIM card with all the contacts... Although in the modern world it is almost impossible to find yourself in an information vacuum.
- Monitors your reaction. This is not the pick-up artist who forces the girl to get in touch first, no! This is a guy who studies the behavior of his future chosen one. Observing, the man evaluates your reaction to his silence, how you conduct a dialogue after his week-long lull, accept or condemn this format of communication.
- He is an ordinary collector of girls who strokes his vanity. Such guys never call/text after the first date - they tend to inflate their worth. Representatives of the fair sex must stop such behavior, otherwise they will continue to raise their self-esteem all their lives.
- The guy avoids starting a serious relationship. It may be that the guy really liked the girl (a paradox, you say), but for some personal reasons he is putting off the affair. A busy schedule, a painful break in the past, your own complexes... However, it doesn’t matter!
- Other girl. Maybe he is already having dinner with a prettier individual, or maybe his heart has been occupied for a long time. The man just wanted to unwind and have fun, but when he saw that you were more serious, he decided to retreat.
- The guy is afraid of change, responsibilities, feelings, or he doesn’t know what he wants. This definitely smells childish, but you want to play the role of a beloved woman, not a caring mother?
Sometimes everything can be more banal than the girl expects. For example, a young man is now having financial difficulties and he does not call/write because he has no opportunity to arrange the next date. Or the man is simply a conservative, serious person, for whom calls and SMS are just a waste of time. And no one is immune from accidents, if we consider all the possible reasons for the mysterious silence.
Wrong questions
Probably every woman is nervous before a first date. And what we fear most is awkward silence. Therefore, many girls prefer, as they say, “to chatter incessantly,” just so that there is no gloomy silence. A man can still bear it, because he is also worried and nervous. But it would be a mistake to ask your potential partner inappropriate questions about politics, religion or his salary. No, no and NO! Never bring up these topics on either the first or second date!
How to recognize false excuses
It’s difficult to predict a man’s motives, but his behavior will put everything in its place.
You became terribly curious why the man doesn’t write (call). You dial his number and start chatting about nothing... How can you tell - is the man telling the truth about his disappearance or is he getting out of it in ridiculous attempts to justify himself?
Firstly, his speech will be fast and confused, the tone of his voice will be higher than natural, and pressure will be felt in the conversation. There may be nervous laughter, long pauses, and attempts to lead the conversation in a different direction.
Secondly, excuses always sound clichéd:
“I was spinning, I was stuck, I just wanted to call you, but you beat me to it.”
“It wasn’t me who was online – my sister (mother, brother, friend) was sitting at the computer, but that’s how I would have written.”
“There was no communication because I was on a business trip (beyond the Urals, at the North Pole, on Mars).”
“I lost your number.”
“I texted you. How did you not get there?
“My cat got sick, I fell out of life due to stress.”
Fantasy and naivety push a woman to believe and justify any shortcomings of the opposite sex. But cowardice should never be justified! It was his fear that brought you to such an absurd situation where you listen to strange excuses. Did you find out how you are doing? Hang up and forget his number!
If a man doesn’t write (call) after the first meeting, don’t give yourself false hopes. An interested, loving young man is capable of moving mountains to find or contact the girl who has captured his heart.
You are not suitable for each other
At first everything was peaceful, but during the meeting it suddenly became clear that you have fundamentally different political views. Or attitude towards family and children. Or even eating habits - let's say, one of you is an uncompromising vegan, and the other considers it a fad and thinks that lunch without meat is not lunch at all.
In a word, it turned out that you categorically do not agree on some issues that are important to you. And this can be a serious obstacle to relationships. Take political orientation, for example: an American study showed New Wakefield Research Study: The Trump Effect on American Relationships that 11% of respondents broke off their relationship because they and their partner voted for different parties.
Common female mistakes that cause men to disappear after the first meeting
The first impression is the most important - it can push you away in a matter of minutes or make you fall in love without memory. Sometimes, due to strong excitement, women on the first date behave ridiculously or out of character with their usual behavior.
What can turn a man off on a first date?
- sloppy (vulgar, extravagant, careless, tasteless) appearance;
- feigned fun (laughter throughout the cafe, loud discussions of spicy topics, expressive waving of arms);
- alcohol abuse;
- the desire to “sell”, to present oneself in the best possible light (talking about one’s various successes, statuses, victories, etc.);
- excessive persistence, straightforwardness;
- availability;
- phlegmatic girl - alienation, stiffness, embarrassment, silence, isolation, gloominess.
If you are shy, admit it to the guy, it will only benefit you. Don’t even think about solving this problem with the help of alcohol - the next day you will burn with shame! Don't laugh out loud at his (and especially your) jokes, it's scary. Avoid narcissistic boasting - within half an hour your interlocutor will be dying of boredom, and after the date he will erase your number forever! Pay attention to your wardrobe - consider the place and time of the date to choose the appropriate outfit.
Girls, focusing directly on the date, forget about the most important thing - naturalness. She is the one who reveals truth and femininity!
The critic in you has awakened
If you wanted to impress girls from high society, but instead criticized everything they saw, then you made a huge mistake! If you complain for ten minutes that the table is dirty, the chair is crooked, and the waitress is not dressed according to the latest trends, it is not surprising that you will not receive an invitation to a second date.
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This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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If a guy disappears after a few dates
If everything is clear with the first meeting, what to do when a man doesn’t call (write) after the second, third, fifth date? What could possibly go wrong here?
Let's make it clear right away: was there sex on this next date? If the answer is yes, then there are several options: either the guy achieved what he wanted and he became uninterested in you, or something pushed him away in the process. Yes, there is nothing pleasant about this, but you can’t guess scoundrels visually, right? In addition, people are different, and a moment of intimacy makes it possible to feel your partner - you either suit (suit, satisfy) each other, or not, and this is no one’s fault!
Or it may happen that after sex a man suddenly gets scared, realizing that someone is encroaching on his freedom. These are his personal complexes, so nothing can help him in this case. The only thing is that you can step aside and let the guy know that you do not intend to drag him to the registry office.
If the guy’s silence does not coincide with the fact of the first rapprochement, then the only and obvious reason is that he was offended and is waiting for an apology. If you know what exactly could have hurt him (upset him, hurt him), you can safely write or call to ask for forgiveness/explain. Admitting your own mistakes after a fight is a sign of self-confidence, so don’t mistake it for weakness!
In general, the tendency of long-term relationships is that over time, men actually begin to write or call less often. If they do this, then only in essence, because they believe that you are close enough to each other and do not need extra, “snotty” SMS. If this worries you, just talk about it, say that you are still pleased to receive a cute picture in a letter or hear a gentle “hello” on the phone.
Miss Perfect
Are you one of those women who think that showing your appetite at a first meeting is asexual? Do you feel much more feminine, beautiful and mysterious when you are content with just a glass of wine? Error! For men, a woman's refusal to eat is more likely a sign of ill health than vice versa. Besides, if a man is really hungry, he will be embarrassed to order too much when the girl he likes with graceful grace is only sipping a cocktail. What man would agree to remain hungry again?
What should a woman do if a man doesn’t call or write?
Naturally, after the meeting, the girl waits for a call from the man, tormented by guesses about what is hidden behind his silence. And a logical question arises: what to do?
Knowing the emotionality of the fair sex, psychologists have compiled an impressive list with the particle NOT, so that possible mistakes in behavior can be avoided.
So, what you shouldn’t do if a man doesn’t write/call:
- demand explanations;
- intrude on him by bombarding him with messages on social networks;
- call from unfamiliar numbers, checking its availability;
- track his pages (his history, girlfriends, comments to other people, online frequency);
- demonstratively display your mood with a variety of statuses and pictures;
- angrily comment on his posts (photos);
- remove him from friends (blacklist, ignore list);
- keep watch at work/home, initiating “unexpected” meetings.
If a girl neglects these tips, the man regards her manic behavior as a signal to escape. He is angry, frightened and irritated by such attention! And if the guy was in thought before, your active actions will irrevocably push him away.
Therefore, be wiser and more self-possessed.
First of all, stop treating the current situation as tragic. You can think soberly and evaluate the last date: what could have happened to provoke him into silence? The main thing is not to engage in deep introspection and self-flagellation, this will only do harm. If you start looking for flaws in yourself, you risk getting a good portion of complexes, and this greatly affects your self-esteem.
Second: be calm. There is no need to curse him or give up on your personal life in a fit of feelings. Situations are different, maybe something really happened to him or now is not the right time to continue communication. Give time - it allows everything to take its course.
Third: do something useful and interesting for yourself, driving away thoughts about the next visit to his page (writing SMS, calling). Even if a man doesn’t think about calling/texting, you will at least have fun during this time. Go to a club with your friends, cook a delicious dish, play your favorite game, watch a TV series.
And finally, think about whether it makes sense to call/text him first. Without listening to anyone, but intuitively, individually answer this question for yourself. Think about the motive, the conversation. Try to predict your feelings - will you experience anger and awkwardness from your own initiative or relief?
If you still decide to call/write first (there is nothing criminal in this, believe me), then you should adhere to certain rules:
- avoid angry or resentful questions with a thousand “whys”;
- you need to talk on neutral topics, muffling an arrogant, sarcastic tone;
- the voice should be friendly, open, cheerful (in the case of SMS, choose positive emoticons);
- By the way, you can ask about his affairs, plans, activities;
- the conversation should be light and short, non-binding.
That's it, your activity stops. If a guy doesn’t write or call after a meeting, psychologists advise to distance yourself from the situation and become “prey” that the hunter should chase. But sometimes you need to immediately put everything in its place. If during the dialogue you feel that a man is reluctant to meet your questions, answers crumpled, distantly, tries to be the first to end the conversation, feeds him with promises - this should be the last thing you do in his direction. A timely realization (even if bitter) is better than a sweet pill.
The calmer a girl behaves in the current situation, the greater her chances of attracting attention to herself. Relax, give the man the opportunity to show himself. And if he doesn’t need it, at least you will save your own face!
About the waiting period for news from him
Usually they wait no more than three days. If the guy doesn’t call or write, during this time the girl manages to accept the situation, stops hoping and continues to live her life. As a rule, men understand this too, so they think for two days, and on the third they must make themselves known. If this does not happen, the chosen one can throw the boyfriend out of her life forever and start an affair with someone else. There is no set waiting period.
READ
How to stop loving a man and not suffer: advice from psychologists and conspiracies
It all depends on the situation, the girl’s temperament, her inner principles. Some women wait a week, others erase their partner from their memory within a day.
