The most popular question that comes to the editor is: “Why doesn’t a man write?”, or what his messages mean. We totally understand this because we asked the same questions ourselves on separate days... and it drove us crazy!
Why does he take so long to answer?... What does he think about me?... The answers are short and vague, does he not like me anymore?... Why did he start a conversation, then just disappear?
Believe me, we ourselves have asked these questions and understand you perfectly. Why are we so worried and worried about text messages and no calls? When a man is silent, does not write or call every day, disappears somewhere after sex or a date, is silent for hours?
You can acquire thousands of template SMS messages to attract his attention, but the point is completely different. Messages will not give real insight into what a man thinks about messages and calls. So, let's find out!
At the end of the article you will find a secret bonus video about whether you should write first
Why doesn’t a man write or call for so long?
There are several answers to the question...
Men are bad at multitasking
Most men are simply not as good at multitasking as women. Men are usually absorbed in any task. And when they are in this mode, nothing else exists. Women are much more mobile. Can change gears smoothly without losing focus.
Many studies have shown that women primarily gain self-esteem through interpersonal relationships. Men primarily gain a sense of value from their ability to make an impact on the world.
So in the context of texting and relationships, a woman's head is thinking about relationships. Even when she is at work or doing something. Women can do many things at once. Men usually can't, at least not the ones that require work. A partner can start texting all day, no matter how crazy their day is. But this will only happen in the early stages of the relationship. And it just won't be sustainable for long.
The reason women are disappointed is that they expect men to experience relationships the same way they do. She wants to hear from him within the day. Because it makes you feel like the right woman. And even when she’s at work, she can’t help but think about why the man doesn’t write or call. We women often wait for messages and need attention. And that’s why we panic when a man doesn’t show signs of attention.
Confession of a man:
Men don't like to be disturbed during the day. We easily lose focus. I don't talk on the phone during the day, so I don't see messages. Men are annoyed by lazy girls who write all the time. Just leave alone for the day is the message I want to write for the most part. I have things I want to do. And every message with a girl is distracting. However, if I think about a woman, I will definitely write. If I don’t send a message within 12 hours, that’s only when I really don’t care.
Now you may ask...
But he wrote so much at the beginning, what happened? Why doesn't a man write the same now?
Well, in the beginning he tried to seduce. That’s why I paid so much attention to messages and calls. I didn't want to lose you to another man. There was a goal: to conquer you. Once he got you, he didn't need to pursue with motivation. And he could relax.
It is simply impossible for him to write messages and call all day long as before. Once the relationship becomes a little more established, it simply isn't necessary. This is exactly the moment when women often destroy what they have.
They interpret the decrease in messages and calls as a sign that he is losing interest. They reflexively panic and fear loss. As a result, the woman begins to need a man. And she stops being the cool girl who caught his attention in the first place.
Moral of the story: just relax! There is nothing bad. It just returns to a more normal rhythm. No problems, but you will create them if you can't be okay.
Confession of a man:
When I really like a girl, I text her a lot throughout the day. Because I always think about her. But this is not sustainable. Because the relationship has been going on for a while, it doesn't feel natural. They start to feel like work. And then it becomes a problem. Because the girl wants you to continue texting as much as you did in the beginning. This makes a guy want to text even less!
Men communicate differently than women
Men don't talk to make a connection. They usually communicate to achieve some goal or make a plan.
Girls get more upset and wonder if they said something. Men are just going to go about their day and focus on something else. And they are completely unaware of the chaos they have caused with women.
When a guy doesn't answer or gives quick, short answers, it actually means... nothing at all!
Confession of a man:
Girls expect a response even to messages that do not elicit a response. For example, “I'm going to watch a movie tonight” is not a message that NEEDS a response. Best message: “What movie should I watch?” If a man doesn't answer, he's probably busy. If this is a pattern of behavior, then he doesn't really like you. Give it up.
He's just not interested in you
This is an area that confuses many women. Maybe you've interacted with him a few times. Maybe you've been communicating for several months. At any rate, he is the man you like. And he seems kind of like you. But you don't really know... and his messages don't clarify anything!
Sometimes he wants to write or call you. Sometimes you live without receiving a single message from him. Sometimes he responds to your SMS immediately. Sometimes it takes hours, days or even weeks. You are so confused. Does he like me or not?
Well, he likes you. He attracts you. He enjoys your company. I like being around you. But he's not really in love with you. That is, he does not consider you as someone with whom he wants to develop a stronger relationship.
You want to hold on to the signs that you like him. And of course you can find many such signs. But there is also a lot of evidence that suggests that he is not as in love with you as you are.
When a man is in love, it's obvious. He won't leave you alone. He will not allow your relationship to remain uncertain. It won't disappear. And he doesn’t risk losing you to someone else. If a man loves a woman and she writes to him, he will be excited and want to write back to her. He won't look at his phone and say, "Ugh, not in the mood for her right now." This way he won't say, "I'll text her later (and then forget about it for the next few days)."
When a man is in love, you don't need to be reminded that you exist.
He is busy
Sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one.
Just because you're home alone and bored doesn't mean he's home. And just because you check your phone 45 minutes an hour doesn't mean it does. People are busy. They go into another room while their phone is charging. People see messages and wait until they have a few minutes before responding.
And sometimes SMS simply don’t arrive. Or they come in a few hours. You have to look at everything in context. If overall you really like him (and when a guy likes you, it's easy to see). And he doesn't answer, it's probably because he's busy or distracted. If he was chatting with you from the very beginning, then his words reflect how he is feeling.
Women's mistakes that lead to relationship breakdowns
The banal phrase “It’s not about you, it’s about me” is often far from reality. A man will not abandon an ideal woman who is completely satisfied; on the contrary, he will do everything possible to be close to her. If a young man suddenly disappears, think about whether you made serious mistakes . These may include:
- Forcing events. You’ve only sat in a cafe a couple of times, and you’re already coming up with names for your children together and telling them that you’d like to invite Aunt Klava from Germany to the wedding. The man is not yet thinking about something serious, so such activity scares him.
- Behavior that a man considers wrong. For example, you drink a lot, smoke, or your speech contains obscenities. It’s easier for him to immediately reject such a girl than to try to re-educate her.
- Quick sex. If a guy drags you into bed too quickly, for example, on the first date, then his ardor may simply fade away. And why does he need a girl who is ready to have sex with a virtual stranger for a serious relationship?
Here are the main female mistakes that a girl makes at the very beginning, risking losing a man.
READ How to break up with the married man you love: advice from a psychologist
What to do when a man doesn't write
First of all, don't panic or assume that he's losing interest and doesn't like you. When did premature panic draw someone to the right place? Never.
If he hasn't texted you back, it's probably due to one of the reasons we listed above. If you can't tell exactly what it is, then just leave it alone. And please don't dwell on it.
Also, don't text him a million times to follow up. If you've been texting and he hasn't responded, just leave it alone. Don't mess with words:
Are you here??
Hello???
I know the phone is working because you just posted something on Instagram!
Doing this will just make you look like a crazy and pathetic woman. Just don't do anything. If he still doesn't respond... well, then remember that the message doesn't mean much to him. Accept him for who he is and move on.
Always in a bad mood
“We met at a party with friends, she seemed to me the most beautiful girl,” recalls Oleg. “I was in love and ready to do anything for her.” However, her constantly bad mood became the background of our lives.
Everything that happened around was criticized. She cried and complained either about her colleagues who underestimated her or about her envious friends. I'm tired of saving her and entertaining her. We broke up".
Attempts to awaken cheerfulness in a woman can turn into a symbolic way for someone to conquer her and initially please her. However, over time, if a partner is not willing to constantly be responsible for the emotional well-being of another person, the imbalance in the relationship becomes obvious to him.
The “eternal victim” begins to demand more and more attention and make the other person guilty for not investing enough in her salvation. Constantly being in a bad mood turns into a form of passive aggression.
Why is this so difficult? Secrets of psychology
At the core of why women are so worried about the whole texting and calling issue is fear. Fear that a man is not really interested in hurting you, that he is just trying to play with you.
When we have fear or faith, our psyche will try to find evidence to support what we feel. We all travel around the world with the help of filtering systems that take in relevant information. And they discard everything else. For example, if you think that no one likes you, you will hone in on people who don't like you. And ignore all the evidence that people really value you.
Loving a man is scary. Especially when the relationship is at an early stage. And you're not entirely sure how he feels. You feel like a vulnerable woman. You feel unprotected, you are nervous... And you are not entirely sure that this man will be different from the rest.
So you are looking for proof that he will hurt you. Confirm to yourself that you will never be able to find the one you want. When you don't hear from him, it's not because he's busy. Often because he is not interested in you. Or he writes to some other girl.
If he doesn't respond to your texts for hours, it's not because he didn't have his phone nearby. It's because he doesn't think you're important.
If his answers are short, it's not because he hates texting or calling. And he prefers to just see you in person. But because he is annoyed with you. And he doesn’t want you to write or call him anymore.
We hope you understand. The point is that we create our own stories. And if we allow negative stories to stick to the point where we actually start to believe them as truth, we also create our own realities with our greatest fears.
Lack of "chemistry"
“Our relationship did not begin with some incredible passion,” Artem admits. “I was already burned before and tired of the meat grinder of feelings I found myself in.” With this girl I just felt calm and good, but gradually the orderliness turned into boredom.
I had to admit to her that we weren't right for each other. It was unexpected and painful for her, but I decided that it was better for both of us to end this story.”
“If a previous strong love brought suffering, then next time a person can choose an emotionally more vulnerable partner. And he himself acts from the position of “strong”, deciding when to start and end a relationship, explains Marina Myaus. “However, this strategy does not always work.
Human relationships are not static. Control over the situation, its predictability, which initially brings pleasure, turn into a feeling of inadequacy of the connection and disappointment.” If you feel that you value the relationship more than your partner, but for some reason you agree with this imbalance, you should be prepared for the fact that your dependence, which flattered him, may repel him over time.
What to do when a man doesn't answer you
First of all, stop worrying! Guys have no idea what this means for women. Most guys are shocked when we talk about how many questions we get on this topic.
If the lack of response makes you feel uneasy, then the feelings are coming from you. Something inside causes a feeling of fear of rejection. Or maybe it feeds feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness. No amount of texting from him will solve this. You need to dig deeper and figure out the essence of the problem yourself.
Text messages are not a barometer for relationships. Focus more on the quality of time you spend together. And not on the number of words you exchange every day. Naturally, as the relationship develops, the number of words decreases. And you spend more time together. A drop in posts doesn't mean you're going backwards.
Just focus on yourself. Focus on your level of confidence, your sense of value. On controlling thoughts, preventing growth into the zone of obsession. On things that are under control (you and your thoughts). And not on things that are out of control (he and his feelings).
Guys can feel emotions through text. We don't know how the brain does this, but it does. They know when you're coming from a place of desperate need. From a place where you need to react a certain way in order to feel good.
When you control the mind, all the message handling will not be a problem.
What to write to a man
To make sure he is the last thing on your mind before he falls asleep, send one of the sweet good night texts to melt his heart. Read this article and arm yourself with sweet messages.
We hope this article helped you understand the real reasons why men don't text or call. Essentially, you are afraid of the man's loss of interest. There will come a time when a man can pull away and start walking away. Do you know how to react correctly when this happens? If not, read this article.
We recommend watching a video from which you will find out why a man doesn’t write and whether you should write first:
So, why doesn’t a man write or call?
- Guys are bad at multitasking and can't text all day if they want to get something done.
- Men communicate for the sake of achieving a goal, not for the sake of communication.
- The man is just not that into you.
- Partner is busy
Read more articles about relationships with a man on our blog
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Real reasons
1. Sex on the first date
After the first date, two scenarios are possible: either the man and woman will end up in the same bed, or in different ones. Why is the first option an error? Yes, because any man is a conqueror. And if he has already received everything, then what should he strive for? If there was no sex, then with each new meeting his sympathy and interest would grow exponentially. And so, the motivation disappeared, and along with it the desire to communicate. In general, you only have yourself to blame for this!
2. Too much alcohol
In a drunken stupor, communication between a woman and a man can go far beyond the boundaries of decency. Everything is possible - a story about your secrets, passionate declarations of love, and proposals of the heart. You should not believe words spoken while intoxicated. And any normal girl understands that while drunk it is difficult to seriously interest a man. And it’s even more stupid to hope for a continuation of the relationship.
