The modern world has somewhat changed the usual understanding of the role of women and men both in society and in relationships. More and more often, girls become the head of the family, and fathers safely go on maternity leave with the baby. But the opposite sex still remains strong.
Whatever one may say, the question regarding help from a man is still open and is quite acute for many couples. Should a guy help his beloved, for example, with housework or with the children? What about the material aspect? This is what we will talk about this time.
In this article:
Why men don’t help Why should a man be asked for help Should a man help a woman financially How to encourage a man to give help and gifts
Why don't men help?
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: Pexels
Most often, representatives of the stronger sex are considered breadwinners. But the arrangement of the family home and its further maintenance in cleanliness and order usually falls on the shoulders of the woman. How often have you heard the phrase “not a man’s responsibility” from guys?
Many ladies face a similar answer every day. However, this is not the norm. All girls differ from men, first of all, in their emotionality and powerful internal energy resource. But the source of vitality is not endless.
If misunderstanding reigns in a couple, and everything falls solely on the women’s shoulders, the relationship may soon come to a completely logical end. But why don’t men themselves offer their help, and why do they try in every possible way to evade it? There are several reasons for this:
- They are not asked.
Yes, sometimes everything is so simple and banal. Moreover, this is the most common reason why you have to do everything yourself. It is worth understanding one interesting thing about men. They can rarely figure out anything on their own. They really need to be constantly guided.
Who should provide for the family?
As long as you remain silent, your partner will be completely confident that everything is in order. Because from their side everything is much simpler. If you don’t like something or need help, the man will certainly voice it.
So it’s strange for him that the woman is silent, doing, but at the same time angry at the lack of support. Train yourself to tell your guy your needs. Most likely, the result will be noticeable soon.
- Help is not appreciated.
Yes, men need real motivation from their partner. He will only help her if you show that you are grateful and appreciate your knight's support. Each representative of the stronger sex has somewhat inflated self-esteem, even if it does not show it outwardly.
So don't leave the initiative without a positive reaction. The man took out the trash himself and took care of the cleanliness of his shirts? Just acknowledge it with at least a word of thank you. Believe me, next time he will decide to do something else, because gratitude for a guy is equal to a sweet dessert.
The more often you look at your man with admiration, the more he becomes attracted to you. Therefore, praise him and motivate him to new “feats.” These are such narcissistic comrades. And yes, this is completely normal.
- Criticism from a woman.
It is unlikely that anyone will have the desire to help when the result is always not to their liking. If you need to point out any mistakes, then you should do this calmly and carefully. Put yourself in his shoes, would it be nice to hear continuous criticism when you just wanted to help? Try not to destroy the initiative by judging the end result too strictly.
- The influence of upbringing.
Alas, not all families teach boys to take on some of the responsibilities around the house. Sometimes a guy grows up, sincerely not understanding why he should help a woman at all. After all, this was not accepted in his family. And this is a rather difficult case, because the behavior model is already embedded in a person’s subconscious.
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- A woman's habit of doing everything on her own.
Even if you are an extremely skilled girl and can cope with any work both in life and around the house, you should not demonstrate your strength. Otherwise, the man ceases to feel needed.
Here you need to show a little cunning and ask for help even in situations that you can handle on your own. Otherwise, the partner simply won’t see the point in doing anything. Why, when there is such a versatile and life-savvy lady nearby?
Don't be useful
Why do men try to do a girl a favor or help her with something? They hope that the girl will sleep with them out of gratitude. And we already realized that it doesn’t work. This is the easiest way to become a friend, a useful friend of a woman, but never a lover.
And now - some specific tips on how to avoid the “helpful guy” label.
- Don't talk to her about your work . Especially if you have a good, highly paid job. Or working in a good position. Strictly avoid discussions of your work - they do not bring you any closer to ending up in bed with this girl. But with your help they may well make a girl want to get this or that nice thing.
- Don't talk about your achievements . What do you think a girl will want if you tell her that you won the industry Plumber of the Year competition? Certainly not at the same moment to be in bed with you. But for you to completely fix the faucets and toilets for her and all her relatives.
- Don't talk about what you can do . Don’t tell me that you are working on a BMW engine with your eyes closed, you can punch Mike Tyson in the face, or you lay tiles like the best tile layer in the world. You expect a woman to shout “I’ve been waiting for you for so long!” will drag you to the bedroom. And she is already figuring out in her mind which of her friends is gluing the wallpaper - since she already has a tilemaker (you), and the renovation is just around the corner.
As soon as the conversation turns to one of these topics, this is an alarming signal. You're further away from ending up in bed with her. And very close to the question “Oh, maybe in that case, you can help me with...” - and then the whole list of what a girl needs to be happy will follow.
As soon as you hear this, know: you are in a minefield. Guys are not used to answering “You know, I can’t...” because they are afraid of losing a girl. And in general - she’s sitting here, so small, weak and vulnerable, in need of help - well, how can you refuse? And they fall into a trap.
If you have reached this question, you should not cut all the loose ends and answer that you are not going to help an unfamiliar aunt until she tries all the poses from the Kama Sutra with you. It will be enough to politely inform you that right now, for the next few weeks, you are very busy. But – we can return to this conversation later.
And from now on, you have several weeks to seduce this girl.
And if she starts constantly asking you - well, when, well, when - you will find time to help her - good luck. You are already on the list of service personnel, and it will be impossible to get out of there.
Why should a man ask for help?
And it’s not about physical activity at all. In reality, this is more of a psychological factor that helps a woman preserve her vital energy and use it more productively. If you do not learn to correctly ask for and accept help from the opposite sex, you will soon begin to notice these negative consequences:
- psycho-emotional burnout;
- depression;
- feeling of emptiness;
- decreased libido;
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
- chronic fatigue;
- psychosomatic manifestations;
- regular conflicts with a partner;
- frequent mood changes;
- relationship dissatisfaction;
- decreased performance and efficiency;
- negative impact affecting children, pets and indoor plants.
Not every woman is able to so simply voice her need for help from the stronger sex. Sometimes behind this lies not only pride and the desire to be independent, but also childhood psychotraumas, unclosed gestalts, as well as negative experiences in relationships in the past. And in this case, you will first have to work out the reason itself.
Need three: Bask in the rays
Even a person who acts arrogantly can actually be quite insecure. Men need to know that they are respected and valued. Of course, a guy will want to be close to you if he feels more significant with you.
Make him happier
Turn awkward situations into a joke. Go to stupid comedies together. Try to stir up and calm him down when he is moody or irritated. If he sees a ray of light with you even in sad times, you will become indispensable.
Be secular
Guys can be great at business and sports, but are at a loss when it comes to socializing. Take the initiative and charm those with whom you two have to communicate, and he will thank you.
Play logic games
If you are strong in those activities that require certain intellectual abilities - Scrabble, chess, all kinds of puzzles - this can awaken his passion. The fact that you are able to solve problems subconsciously shows him that your potential child deserves to carry his genes.
Let him know that you are the main prize
In order not to forget how special you are, it is useful for him to look at you through the eyes of others. Invite him to an event where you can show off your talents, or to a party where you will amaze everyone with your beauty. Let him make sure that you are admired.
Should a man help a woman financially?
Now this issue is quite acute in modern society. Guys are frankly afraid of bumping into an insidious seductress who will slowly begin to extract from him everything that he has acquired through back-breaking labor, and then leave him without a penny in his pocket.
Photo by Karolina Grabowska: Pexels
Girls are afraid to connect their lives with gigolos and slackers who are accustomed to living at the expense of someone more hardworking (hello to mama's boys). As a result, excessive suspicion practically turns into paranoia and hostility towards the opposite sex.
So what about the money issue? In fact, most men are not against providing financial support to the woman they love. But only if it does not cross certain boundaries. For example, when you don’t start a relationship solely in order to become a kept woman and settle down at home doing nothing.
If you yourself strive for development, build a career and prefer not to depend on anyone, then your partner will probably not want to lose face in order to match such a woman.
In general, as practice shows, men are more willing to help financially precisely those ladies who earn quite well without them. And this is considered completely normal on their part.
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It turns out that specialists have been dissecting this magical spark for a long time. And they found out that it’s all about four basic natural male needs that they need to satisfy before feeling in love. And no, this is not a basic instinct. Ok, not only him.
When a man understands that you meet all the parameters listed below, then there will be a spark and bubbles in a glass of champagne.
How to encourage a man to help and give gifts
This is not a guide for kept women, but advice for those women who want to live in harmony with their partner, receive and give something good in return. Here are some useful tips:
Photo by Karolina Grabowska: Pexels
- Gifts should be truly enjoyed. If you take them for granted, the male fuse will dry up. The same applies to help around the house.
- Speak out your needs. Don't expect your partner to develop telepathy. Give him the opportunity to show his strength, and give yourself the opportunity to be fragile and defenseless.
- Always give thanks. Tell the man how important his attention and care are to you, show admiration for his actions.
- Don't forget to dream and think positive thoughts. Many women, bogged down in everyday life, cease to perceive themselves as a full-fledged person. If the question “what to give you” stumps you, and no better option comes to mind than a vacuum cleaner, it’s time to change your attitude towards yourself. Otherwise, the man will also cease to distinguish his partner from the maid.
- Reciprocate. This is a very important rule. Nobody likes a one-sided game. If a guy gives you a nice gift in honor of some holiday, don’t forget to pleasantly surprise him later too.
Men can and sometimes even really want to make life easier for their beloved lady. But sometimes girls themselves prevent this by incorrect behavior or a deformed worldview. In order not to pull this burden on your own, learn to show feminine cunning and a little weakness.
Advice from James McConnachie, author of Sex: The Rough Guide
James McConnachie disagrees that Lisa's choice is between honesty and attractiveness. It's the same as choosing between respect or contempt.
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“Being attractive is not what you want in a relationship,” he says. - Don't ask yourself whether your behavior is attractive. Ask what your partner's behavior is like. Only your boyfriend knows if you have reason to be jealous, and only you know if you can trust him.”
James McConachie says it's reasonable for Lisa to find the situation troubling and unwise for her boyfriend to ignore it.
