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Today we’ll talk about what to do if your wife has lost interest in you and you feel lonely in your relationship. It's very likely that you feel like your loved one doesn't care about you or that she's no longer happy in her marriage to you. You may even feel like your relationship is falling apart at the seams. But perhaps your spouse just needs some time and space? In this case, know that there are 9 methods that will help you return comfort, trust and mutual understanding to your relationship. Let's discuss each of them.
Respect differences
When you and your wife first got together, you each had your own ideas, stories, opinions, and interests. However, over time, it seems that some of your differences have changed and formed similar likes, dislikes, and views. For example, perhaps you both started liking the same foods or picked up the same hobbies.
Some of your common interests remain unchanged, but it is likely that over time, you and your wife will develop new views, leading to new differences. And although we sometimes forget it, relationships require deep respect for the differences between us. It is also important to know that having different opinions does not mean that someone is right and someone is wrong. Always respect differences of opinion with your wife.
Why is this so important?
Challenging views will only push her away more; you don't want a woman to feel like she's being attacked. Instead, celebrate your differences and accept that your wife's views make her who she is. After all, they say opposites attract, right? But disrespect can greatly aggravate the situation, because this feeling is one of those that can generally destroy a marriage. This is discussed in more detail in another article. By following the link, you can read it and understand whether you yourself have made one of the mistakes that provoked the cooling of your wife’s feelings, and also find out how to correct the situation in this case
How should spouses behave in marriage in order to always be interesting to each other?
If we talk about an ideal marital union, then this is a union of two individuals who are interesting in themselves. They have no request for their partner to make their life interesting, rich, and fun; they do not make demands, but discover new activities and phenomena for themselves. There are a lot of exciting things in life, and when spouses are each interested in living separately, then they have no complaints against each other. Moreover, in a married couple, everyone can have their own hobbies. A husband may love fishing, a wife may enjoy needlework, but the important thing here is that such couples are open to everything new, life itself is interesting to them. And such people, joining in a marital union, certainly enrich each other. In any situation, they find in themselves the ability to be surprised and delighted, because the world is not fully knowable, colorful and polyphonic.
Don't take it personally
It is important to understand that your wife's need for privacy and personal space may not be related to you. In other words, don't take it personally if she's going through a phase where she needs some privacy, or maybe she's struggling with inner demons. Be that as it may, understand that it is easier to calmly seek intimacy than to jealously demand it.
What should we do then?
Discuss problems correctly. Don't get too caught up in yourself. If your wife wants to share her feelings, be receptive by properly discussing her concerns. Ask tough questions and never project her problems onto yourself. It will be much more difficult to help her get rid of her protective shell if you are inattentive and fixated on your person. At the same time, if your wife sees and feels that you are treating her with due attention, trying to understand and help, she will be grateful. This will help melt any ice that may have arisen between you. After all, mutual understanding is one of the main building blocks of successful marriages. So, having given your beloved attention and your participation, you will soon receive the same in return. This principle works great and helps maintain a couple's relationship. You can read more about it here.
In what cases is a psychologist needed to save a marriage?
You should start sounding the alarm when the spouses cause very strong irritation to each other and can no longer be in the same space. They are irritated by everything - smells, sounds, no matter what one says to the other. Here you need to understand the root cause, why is this so annoying? Most of the complaints in marital relationships stem from childhood - unspoken complaints against parents result in complaints against the spouse. As a rule, the main motive for getting married for such a person is a longing for intimacy, a longing for love, it seems to him that he is lonely, and he wants to fill his gaping emptiness with another person. When getting married, people with such internal needs initially experience euphoria from a new relationship, indulge themselves with illusions and hopes, make plans - we’ll make repairs, buy a car, give birth to a child, and life will get better. But it is not getting better, because initially the internal request to your partner to save you from loneliness was impossible, since a person can fill his emptiness only with his inner world. And when suddenly one of the spouses realizes that, despite the harmony of plans, he is still unhappy and nothing makes him happy, he becomes terribly disappointed in this relationship and shifts the blame from himself to the other. In such a situation, in order to understand yourself, you should seek help from a specialist whom you could trust to resolve your problems.
Stop the persecution
Often, when a husband is upset by his wife’s cold and distant attitude, he goes into surveillance mode, and suspicions arise about something that may not actually exist. Unfortunately, such persecution only makes the situation worse. If your wife has made it clear to you that she needs privacy, it is highly likely that she will withdraw even more.
How to react to this?
Again, respect her desire to be alone sometimes and don't follow her around. This can be difficult, especially if you are worried about what is happening. But it is what it is. The best thing to do is to stay positive and trust that when your wife is ready to talk, she will come to you. After all, you also have different periods in your life, and sometimes you can behave the same way. Therefore, it is extremely important to be patient. Believe me, it can work wonders and save marriages even on the verge of divorce, when everything seems to be really bad. By the way, there is a separate article on this topic that is worth reading if you are worried about your wife’s detachment. Look through this material, it will probably tell you options for getting out of such a difficult situation.
Routine gets stuck
Cooling down and the desire to stay at home for as little time as possible indicates in 70 percent of cases that the spouse is oppressed by everyday life. Family routine irritates the stronger sex. At the same time, men subconsciously link all negative aspects to the woman nearby. Why does this happen? When a guy proposes and takes his chosen one down the aisle, he is driven not by reason, but by emotions, that is, love. At this moment, it seems to him that living together with the lady of his heart forever is the ultimate dream. Approximately the same mood continues over the next few years. However, later the “fleeting vision” and “genius of pure beauty” turns into a grumpy fury, tormenting him with endless nagging and demands. Most women “peck” their husbands not just every day, but hourly. Now ask yourself: how long can he withstand such pressure? And the point is not at all that the spouse is right and you are wrong. Continuous reproaches and accusations (even justified ones) do not lead to correction of the situation, but to the completely opposite result.
Slow down
This tip is somewhat similar to turning off surveillance mode. Slowing down means being calm and patient with your wife. If you are a significant and powerful person, try to moderate your ardor. And if in life you are a bright and dynamic person with a habit of chatting a lot and giving unnecessary advice, you also need to slow down.
This does not mean that your wife's behavior is your fault. Simply having an outstanding character may not help with cold behavior. There is a type of people who react poorly to strong energy, and perhaps because of this trait of yours, a woman avoids relationships. So when you tame your charisma, it will help her relax and feel lighter. You've probably heard how they sometimes say that one spouse emotionally suppresses the other. Think about whether this trait is inherent in you.
First signs
One of the key identifying signs is irritability for no reason, the so-called clinging to little things. The reason for this irritation does not lie in them, but lies on a completely different plane.
When people fall in love, everything seems rosy to them. We often dream about another person and invent a lot of things for ourselves. And then life checks to what extent our fantasies about each other coincide with reality. Frustration and resentment accumulate. And often the spouse shifts his own problems - his lack of fulfillment, making wrong decisions, his failures - onto his partner and demands that he brighten up his life. Such people believe that they cannot be happy until they have a certain set of goods - a car, an apartment, a lot of money, a prestigious job. They reduce their existence to the most boring schemes - they came home from work, ate and lay down on the sofa in front of the TV; nothing in life pleases or delights them. And if you continue to unwind this ball, then such a person does not really like his job, and his spouse is not very happy with him. As a rule, a person learns this form of being at an early age from his parents, who believed that life should be difficult, there is nothing good in it, and what is there to be happy about if there is deception and misfortune all around. This is the so-called philosophy of decadence.
Give her space
If you have a habit of following your wife around, it's time to step back a little. Bustling around a woman or voicing thoughts about her daily activities can lead to some claustrophobia. Moreover, this is one of the things that literally destroys a woman's attraction to you because you can bore her with such behavior. And yes, there are other similar traits - here's a short list - look it up and make sure you don't do any of the things mentioned there.
What can you do to make your wife feel more free?
To prevent her from suffocating, try not to violate her territory, bite your tongue and just let her live. If your wife has made it clear that she needs privacy, respect her wishes. People who behave distantly open up most freely when their partner is not pursuing them. Therefore, if you want to support your wife, the best way is to give her time. This is a perfect example of when less is more.
Why did I stop loving
It is necessary to understand that a woman’s feelings cannot disappear out of the blue. This is due to certain factors:
- the woman never loved, all this time she was only pretending for her own selfish purposes,
- it seemed to her that he loved, however, over time she realized that it was just affection, love, but nothing more, at the moment the feelings had disappeared,
- another man appeared in the wife’s life, feelings for whom are much stronger than for her husband,
- frequent scandals, conflicts in the family killed feelings,
- heavy losses, financial difficulties led to a rethinking of their priorities, love began to evaporate.
Make dates, don't diagnose
If you feel that your spouse has moved away and want to get closer again, offer some kind of common activity. Plan a few dates and make time for each other in your schedules.
The best way to reconnect emotionally is to prioritize your relationship by spending quality time together. No matter how much your wife's behavior upsets you, always remember that she will respond better to positivity than criticism.
Moreover, critical analysis of her behavior basically makes the situation worse. Therefore, do not say things like: “You are withdrawn,” “Now we rarely communicate.” Instead of saying that you don't communicate, just try to communicate. This will not only save you from an unpleasant conversation, but it will also be much more productive overall. In addition, this is not just a good way to establish contact, it is, let’s say, an excellent “prevention” of cheating. And if you sometimes have thoughts that your wife is moving away because she is thinking about someone else, use a few useful tips and try to restore trust and attraction between you.
Causes of an unhappy marriage
Often spouses grow cold towards each other and stop being happy primarily because they have nothing to give each other.
We must understand that the world is the art of the possible; that not everyone can get a job that he likes and earn as much as he would like, but you should always strive for this and not give up your hopes and desires. And then the life of this person will not turn into a joyless existence, survival. He does not limit his world to the level of his work; he will always find an opportunity to pay attention to his interests. After all, now you can find a lot of interesting things for your own development and enrichment. And it's not about money at all. Neurophysiological studies were carried out: scientists scanned the human brain and studied how it reacts to the emotions of joy. It turned out that in order to experience great joy, a person only needs a trivial reason - to smile at a child passing by, to pet a cat, to eat candy. A person can be happy from nonsense and, accumulating emotions of joy within himself, becomes a happy person. The more we enjoy the little things, the more we develop the capacity for joy. The same thing happens with negative emotions.
And it seems to a person that he will be much happier if he wins a car, buys an apartment, earns a lot of money, than if he just goes for a walk in the park and enjoys the first snow or the rays of the sun. The brain reacts to “big” and “small” joys in exactly the same way. Therefore, it is very important to fill your own life with small joys, and then your spouse will feel this joy coming from you and will also share their joy with you. For example, prepare dinner and put the food on beautiful plates, decorate the table, dress beautifully. From small joys and the desire to make your life more beautiful, more interesting, a lot in the family changes for the better.
Pursue your goals, not hers.
It's easy to become arrogant if your wife acts distant. Therefore, it is important to concentrate on yourself while she is lost in her thoughts. Think about what hobbies or projects you always want to do and just do it. Set some personal goals and work towards them. Now is a great time to focus on things that interest you. This will help you get rid of your obsession with your wife.
Is this a way out?
This is not just a way out, but a very good technique. And all because this way you will not only not pester your wife with unnecessary questions now, but you yourself will be able to distract yourself and occupy your thoughts with something pleasant. Moreover, if you really start doing something with passion, your wife will soon pay attention to it, she will become interested in the fact that you have some new concerns and hobbies. And this, you know, acts like a kind of aphrodisiac, because when a man is a truly purposeful, interesting person, he automatically becomes sexy and desirable for a woman in every sense of the word. This is one of the 12 characteristics that attract women. So don't use it.
And in the context of your personal time, don't forget about friends and family. They will help you talk it out. Discussing the situation will not only help you cope with it, but will also protect you from splashing out your emotions on your wife.
The woman has lost interest in sex
- She loved her husband and now loves her. Only, unfortunately, sexual incompatibility does not allow you to feel the fullness of erotic excitement. She lied and imitated a happy woman in bed with the best intentions: to make him feel good. However, one day I forgot to moan voluptuously...
- The wife was simply tired of the monotony. A man has been having sex with her in the same position for the last two years or more, what could he possibly want from her? Yes, from this you will not only get cold, but also die. How to bring back passion? Such a family can be saved by imagination and an unconventional approach to sex. Naturally, new, unusual poses, changing curtains and lamps in the bedroom, erotic lingerie, and so on will do. all this will help restore interest in sex, the main thing is to turn on your imagination and move a little away from boring stereotypes.
Act kindly
Just because your wife has become distant and cold doesn't mean you need to back down completely. Of course, you shouldn't pursue her aggressively, but you are allowed to act kindly and do sweet things that will help her feel loved.
Yes, this is not a new idea, but it can greatly help your marriage. Even a recent study from the Gottman Institute found that kindness is the single most important trait a person needs to have a healthy, loving marriage. Kindness is one of the most important qualities in a relationship.
What exactly should I do?
If your wife is acting cold, perhaps consciously or not, she wants you to pursue her to some extent. Praise her whenever the opportunity arises and avoid criticism at this stage. Be attentive to her feelings, help with everyday life and do everything possible to make her smile. Such small spiritual gestures will help restore the connection between you, and not only emotional, but also physical. Because this is one of the effective ways to rekindle the spark in a couple. You can read about other similar methods here.
