The beginning of sexual activity always causes a lot of emotions, worries, expectations and even fears. Girls often think about how to stop being afraid of their first time with a guy and create an environment that would allow this to happen with minimal discomfort. And physical pain is not the main reason for a negative attitude; the problem is much broader.
Girls have a lot of fears associated with first sex. Unfortunately, sex education is not taught in school; no one talks about the details of intimate life.
All fears are related to ignorance. What if there is no blood, how to understand that everything went well, how to please a guy, how not to ruin everything, how not to make a mistake with the choice of a young man.
How not to screw up your debut and is it really that painful? What to do if things don't go according to plan. Are these thoughts familiar? Or are others bothering you?
Let's talk about what you need to do to minimize any risks and look at your first experience as a new stage in life, and not as a terrible ordeal to endure.
Fear of first sex
Every person, faced with such a problem, experiences anxiety. Not only women, but men too. I would like to tell young people that you need to have a lot of patience if the girl is dear to you and you do not want to cause her pain or any inconvenience. Try to talk to the lady, find out what exactly scares her, maybe she is not ready yet, then postpone this activity for a while. Don't put pressure on her. Much also depends on the age of your companion. The younger the lady, the more complexes and prejudices will accompany her. The main task of a man is to relax a woman as much as possible, both physically and mentally. Girls, I would like to say that this issue, of course, should be approached thoughtfully and seriously; if you are overwhelmed by a feeling of fear, ask yourself whether you want intimacy with this particular man. Sometimes it happens that the problem lies here, the girl simply does not want a particular guy, even if she has been in a relationship with him for a long time. The physiological part might not have been involved before, and she felt comfortable communicating with him and spending time. But as soon as the conversation turned to intimacy, the girl could get scared. Therefore, before you decide to have intimacy with a man, especially for the first time, think carefully about whether this is the partner with whom you want intimacy.
How to stop being afraid of your first time with a guy: love yourself first
A slightly deeper problem is embarrassment and dissatisfaction with one’s body. Fear for the first time is caused by complexes that make you feel ashamed of yourself. He will see me completely naked, notice every centimeter of my body, discover flaws... No, in such a situation I don’t want anything anymore!
Unlike the reasons described above, this cannot be solved so easily. Although there is still one way - have sex in the dark, then there are no risks.
But it is impossible to indulge in carnal pleasures all the time with the lights off; at some point you will have to come out of the shadows. And going to the gym can, of course, fix the body, but what to do with complexes?!
You need to love yourself and learn to accept your body. If you can’t change your beliefs on your own, then going to a psychologist can help.
You need to do this differently and you will spend your whole life thinking about how to stop being afraid of your first time with a guy. Many maintain their innocence until death. Don't do this.
How to prepare for first sex
As mentioned above, you should only allow intimacy with a man if you are confident in your partner. In this case, we mean both the physical and moral aspects. Also remember that you need to take care of the safety of this event. Purchase the necessary protective equipment from unwanted pregnancy and infections at the pharmacy. Answer the question to yourself, what exactly is your fear associated with, what are you afraid of most? Share this problem with a friend who already has a similar experience, she will definitely help you with advice. Talk to your man, tell him what worries you, any problems in the relationship should be resolved together, because there should be no secrets between close people, especially in the intimate sphere. If you don't trust your boyfriend, then think hard about whether you should give yourself to him at all. Men, I would like to tell you to remember that sex is not only physical satisfaction, but above all care and attention to your beloved, especially when it comes to the first time. Try to show your openness to the lady, be yourself. Remember that for a girl, first sex is a turning point in her life, and high emotional shock is a normal reaction. Your task is to win over a woman so that she can relax as much as possible with you and feel wanted, loved and needed. Give her this and then you both will succeed.
How to stop being afraid of your first time with a guy: eliminate the risks of pregnancy and infection
Another reason why girls are afraid for the first time is the risks associated with the transmission of infections and possible pregnancy. You really don’t want to start with troubles right away, so it’s better to solve the problem in advance.
According to surveys, young partners almost never use a condom, especially when the guy is not experienced enough.
During use, the penis may fall from excitement; it is not immediately possible to take it out of the packaging and put it on correctly, and you don’t want to be distracted by anything. We need to get the job done as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, this approach very often ends with problems that girls like to talk about on forums and in various public pages. After reading this once, you feel panicked at the thought of sex.
There is no need to rely on chance and there is no need to be afraid of anything either. Discuss the use of contraceptives in advance, talk with your partner about how important it is. If the conversation doesn’t go well, then you should think again - are you going to give it to the atom?!
When you are both ready for sexual intercourse and safety is ensured at the highest level, then fears go away, because it is just sex and there is nothing to be afraid of. Think positive.
Dispelling myths about first sexual intercourse
Unfortunately, teenagers often fall victim to misinformation - common myths that prevent them from building harmonious sexual relationships with their partners. Such myths include:
- “If a girl remains a virgin for too long, then after a certain age she will be haunted by headaches.” This is a false fact - headaches have nothing to do with whether a woman has sex life or not.
- “The first experience determines further sexual temperament.” After the first time, people experience certain emotions that can affect their behavior and attitude towards sex. However, this does not mean that this experience will haunt them all their lives - everything can be corrected with the help of a psychologist and harmonious relationships.
- “Women always break their hymen during first sex.” This is a common myth, because not all girls have this film inside the vagina. For some, it may be elastic and stretch away from the penis, but not tear. Also, blood may appear not during sex, but several hours after it, or even during the next time.
The concept of golden shower in sex, its varieties and rules
Before having sex for the first time, a teenager should familiarize himself with the characteristics of his body and read about his physiology, as well as how the body of the opposite sex works. Then common myths will not prevent you from having a successful first experience.
Is there pain on contact?
Despite popular belief, pain does not always accompany the first sex. A girl may experience discomfort if:
- insufficient natural lubrication;
- the girl is nervous and unconsciously squeezes her vaginal muscles;
- the man has a fairly large penis, which hardly fits into a narrow vagina;
- A girl’s hymen is not elastic, so it tears during penile penetration.
To reduce discomfort, you need to try to relax, take a more comfortable position and use a special lubricant to make the penis enter easier.
What a strange phobia
Sexual phobias are a completely abnormal thing, not typical of a healthy person, which means they can be considered a type of mental disorder, like other, more banal phobias. Fear of sex (coitophobia or sexophobia) is a psychological or physical fear of sexual intercourse or any sexual relationship. But the most common manifestation of this phobia is the fear of losing virginity, which can be, to a small extent, inherent in a large number of female representatives. Girls think: “Why are sexual relationships so difficult, why does losing your virginity hurt?” But sexophobia in its development goes much further, making any romantic and love relationships impossible, because in the head of a person who experiences fear of sex, any manifestation of feelings is immediately associated with sex itself. And it begins - I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid... Why, exactly, should we be afraid of this?
People with sexual phobias may experience romantic feelings, but try not to have close relationships with anyone in order to avoid the possibility of intimate contacts. The result of coitophobia is a feeling of loneliness, alienation, they are also ashamed of their personal fears and become withdrawn.
Women's desire to avoid sex has long been the subject of jokes. So why should we take this very seriously? But in the case of real coitophobia, fatigue, laziness and frigidity have absolutely nothing to do with it. Only some women experience real, animal fear before having sex for the first time. And the name for this is erophobia. This phobia is based on psychological problems.
Variety
There is a misconception that the first sexual intercourse must be classic vaginal - when the penis penetrates the vagina. However, in fact, the first time can be oral or anal, because deflowering for both partners is not only a physiological, but also a psychological milestone.
For example, a girl who has already had anal sex can hardly be considered a virgin psychologically, while the spit in her vagina may remain in place.
Oral
Oral sex is the satisfaction of a partner by caressing his genitals with the mouth (lips and tongue). A girl's caressing of a man's penis is called blowjob, and a man's caressing of the female genitals is called cunnilingus. Such sexual contact can be used as foreplay, when partners do not achieve orgasm, but only become aroused.
Vaginal
Vaginal sex is classic sex, when the penis enters the girl’s vagina. It is this option that is most preferable for the first time, since girls secrete lubricant, which facilitates penetration, and the hymen also breaks (or stretches).
Anal
Anal sex isn't everyone's cup of tea, but some couples find it very exciting. During such contact, the penis enters the woman’s anus; for comfortable penetration, a lubricant will be required (the anus does not secrete natural lubrication). This type of sex is undesirable for those who have never engaged in it before, since a lack of experience can lead to discomfort and pain for both partners.
Types of sex: 41 options from classic to extreme
Make sure you're ready
Sooner or later sex happens in every girl's life. According to the results of studies by D. Vasiliev and S. Rushkarskaya, most often they lose their virginity at the age of 16–26 years. Earlier or later first sexual relations are also possible. In any case, it is important that sex is voluntary, does not happen under the influence of alcohol, and is not used as a way to prove to someone your adulthood or something else. Otherwise, this can lead to serious psychological problems and a lack of orgasm in women.
Violation of the hymen (defloration) opens the way for a girl to a full sex life. Make sure you are prepared for this event. If there are minimal doubts about the correctness of the decision made, the partner or the chosen time, refuse sex.
How does coitophobia manifest?
It is not always possible to notice the symptoms of a phobia with the naked eye, unless a person, of course, openly says “I’m afraid of sex.” But there are points that cannot be ignored. A clear sign is a complete rejection of sex and mentions of it, which is called erotophobia. Sexual relations bring fear to such a person, and he himself will not understand why.
Also a sign of a phobia is promiscuity, when a person is afraid to build trusting, strong relationships, but for some reason cannot cope with the desire for sex. This is intimate phobia, in which losing virginity is not scary, but building normal relationships is scary.
“I’m afraid of first sex” can be said by a person whose phobia is accompanied by excessive concern about some defect or feature of the body. Sometimes there is the influence of gymnophobia - fear of nudity and fear of the touch of other people.
Sexual phobias are accompanied by a feeling of panic, fear, and very strong horror. Physiological manifestations may include shortness of breath, trembling, rapid heart rate, and excessive sweating. People who admit “I’m afraid of losing their virginity” can often limit themselves not only in intimate relationships, but also in any contacts with people around them.
Share your feelings with your partner
It's normal to be nervous before your first intimate encounter. Slight anxiety and fear arises at such a moment not only among girls, but also among boys. If the fair sex is worried about the expected pain, then their partners are more concerned about the size of their own penis, the degree of experience and the speed of ejaculation.
To get rid of unnecessary anxiety, tell your partner honestly about your worries and concerns. This will help the young man better understand what the girl wants and what she fears, and will make the relationship close and trusting.
Share your experiences with your loved one: Pexels
Opinion of sexologists and psychologists
All sexologists and psychologists agree that it is worth losing your virginity when a person is internally ready for it. If you are unsure of your desires or your partner, then there is no need to rush, you can wait for a more favorable time.
You shouldn't have sex because others are doing it or because "it's time." Everything should happen on time, and not under the pressure of public opinion. Don’t be afraid to express your desires (or lack thereof), because each person is individual and can reach maturity for first sex at different ages.
Take care of your own comfort
The first intimacy will go smoothly in a comfortable environment. When choosing a place for sexual contact, give preference to familiar territory. Ideally, this should be a quiet, private place, such as a bedroom in your own home or a partner's home.
If for some reason they are unavailable and sexual contact takes place in an unfamiliar place, make sure it is clean and safe. If you want, take a little comfort with you - grab your favorite blanket.
It would be useful to organize a romantic atmosphere. Dim lights, candles and pleasant aromas will help you get into the right frame of mind. If a guy is involved in this issue, unobtrusively tell him about your understanding of romance.
Basic first time mistakes2
No matter how it sounds, there are mistakes when having sex for the first time, and there are many of them.
1. When having sex for the first time, a couple is haunted by awkwardness. It is expressed in clumsiness, embarrassment, excitement, etc. It ruins the sex experience. To avoid this, you should completely trust your partner, relax and have fun.
2. When having sex for the first time, you don’t need to try to experiment and go out of your way to impress your partner. This could end badly. Such emancipation will not be appropriate. If experiments are unavoidable, invite your partner to study and read the Kama Sutra together. Scrolling through the pages will already set you up for a wave of excitement. Moreover, you will show your partner that you are just like him and that this is the first time.
3. During sex, you should tell your partner what he likes and what he doesn’t like. This is the first time, and no one knows how to bring maximum pleasure to each other. There is no need to be shy and remain silent if it is unpleasant. If the girl is uncomfortable and she leaves it a secret, further sexual intercourse will only cause her suffering.
4. Don't forget about foreplay before and during sex. When having sex for the first time, foreplay is the key moment and starting point. If you neglect it, you won't be able to relax. A quick transition to sex can frighten a girl, and an inexperienced guy can cause at least physical pain. Therefore, during foreplay, you need to treat each other with tenderness and trepidation, then the transition to sex will be a natural, honest feeling between the partners.
5. You should remember about safety. Never forget about condoms. After all, the first experience with sex can end faster than expected and the likelihood of having children in a young, inexperienced couple becomes higher and higher. At this stage of the relationship, young people do not need this.
6. No need to lie and fake. When having sex for the first time, you need to act as natural and relaxed as possible. Pretending to be a queen or a macho is wrong and stupid. If you overplay, the process will be as uncomfortable as possible.
Advice from experts
Professional psychologists believe that sexual education is very important for young people. If they have enough information, they will be able to avoid mistakes and learn to receive and give pleasure from the very first sexual contact.
Guy
For guys, sex is a responsibility. They must take into account that their actions directly determine whether their partner will experience discomfort and pain. It is also necessary to always remember about protection and not to commit rash acts: due to insufficient contraception, unwanted children appear for which the couple is not ready.
To the girl
Before their first time, girls should understand that there is nothing immoral or sinful in sex. This is a natural interaction between people of the opposite sex that brings pleasure to both. And to avoid consequences such as unplanned pregnancy or genital diseases, you must always use reliable contraception.
Make sure he's "the one"
The modern world actively promotes sex and puts invisible psychological pressure on everyone who restrains their sexual impulses. Following fashion, many girls agree to have intimacy with strangers, without thinking about the consequences or their own comfort.
Before agreeing to have sex, psychologist and journalist Svetlana Stakhovskaya advises making sure that the chosen one is the same person for whom you have feelings, whom you trust and with whom you really want to lose your virginity.
