What is the name of the phobia: fear of falling in love, fear of falling in love and love?

Slava Profina 07/25/2018 4 comments

Unrequited love is a problem for many people. She torments the soul and does not allow her to calm down. But it happens that the problem takes on a much larger scale. A person begins to suffer from philophobia - fear of feelings and falling in love. This is a mental illness that interferes with normal socialization and building relationships with other people. Destroyed plans for a happy life with a loved one become the cause of frequent failures and growing self-doubt.

What is philophobia

Philophobia - what is it in simple words? The name is derived from the Greek words philos, which translates as “beloved,” and phobos, which translates as “fear.” Philophobia is the fear of falling in love, the fear of falling in love and love. It is also a fear of intimacy in relationships. An alternative name is counterdependency in relationships between men and women.

What does an neglected phobia lead to?

To be loved and to love is a natural human need. This is important for full and comprehensive self-realization and finding harmony. Denial and avoidance do not make the patient happy; the pain of the past does not subside. Most philophobes deny this; they create their own individual world in which they are comfortable and safe.

The inability to build trusting relationships also affects the sphere of friendships. Along with this comes the awareness of uselessness, unhappiness, and loneliness. And casual acquaintances and superficial communication further enhance the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness of life.

Reasons for fear of falling in love

Thus, we are talking not so much about fear (it sits firmly in the subconscious), but about the inability to build close relationships (a defense mechanism that was turned on at some point). What triggers the process of human glaciation?

Reasons for fear of love and infatuation in relationships:

Childhood trauma of rejection. Perhaps the child did not have enough love and warmth from his parents. To survive and accept this, he had to forget how to love and withdraw into himself.
Unrealistic ideal of a man/woman. This can be either an idealized image of a mother or father, or a belief in fairy tales about princes and princesses. Usually, an idealized image of someone is formed against the backdrop of the loss of that “someone.” For example, when a partner with whom he had a generally good relationship dies. Over time, the psyche excludes all the bad from memories and exaggerates the good. Or the mother/father was really ideal for the child, instilled in him that no woman or man could be better than them.
Unfavorable family. If mom and dad often argued, then the child developed the attitude “relationship = aggression, evil, pain.”
Prejudice, stereotypical thinking. “All men are goats,” and “All women are fools or mercantile bitches.” Such an attitude can be formed both against the background of personal negative experience and against the background of suggestion from parents.
Personal negative relationship experience. Betrayal, a painful breakup, divorce, death of a partner, forced separation, for example, due to moving, unrequited love - all this causes a blow to the psyche.
Violence. We are talking about both cruelty in relationships and violence from a stranger. An unsuccessful intimate experience also falls into this group of reasons: the partner was rude, it was very painful, the partner distributed intimate photos, etc.

The reason for the fear of falling in love is disappointment in someone close. A person does not want to experience the same pain that he once experienced, so he decides to withdraw into himself, to isolate his soul from others.

Interesting! Behind the fear of falling in love lies an inferiority complex, fear of responsibility, unwillingness and inability to take care of someone, fear of becoming dependent on someone (losing freedom, losing personal hobbies), mental instability.

Treatment options

First of all, you need to recognize your problem. No matter how trivial it may sound, this is precisely the first step in overcoming it. But do not delude yourself - from awareness to complete recovery you will have to go quite a long way, which will not be easy. You need to reconsider your own habits and understand what of them provokes such uncertainty in other people. If necessary, consult a psychologist.

Philophobia responds well to treatment in special therapy groups. Especially if all classes are conducted under the supervision of a good specialist. He can organize a program according to which you will have to be treated. Individual lessons are not recommended, since the first thing a philophobe needs to do is learn to trust other people.

Medicines

To overcome anxiety and panic attacks, if present, you can use medications. For this, regular sedatives or, if the anxiety attacks are too severe, more powerful drugs are suitable.

Some of the most common ones include:

Tranquilizers. Symptoms are quickly relieved immediately after administration. If consumed regularly, they can prevent attacks before they even begin. Among the negative properties is the ability to develop addiction and too short-term help.
Antidepressants. They do not cause addiction, but have a number of side effects, which is why they are used by specialists with great caution. In order to reduce the likelihood of withdrawal or the occurrence of negative manifestations, it is recommended to increase the dose very gradually and under the supervision of a specialist. Bringing it to the recommended values may take several weeks. This greatly reduces their effectiveness as instant-acting drugs, but at the same time makes them irreplaceable in the long term.
Neuroleptics. They are used in ultra-low doses due to their too aggressive reaction to the human nervous system. They can serve solely as an adjuvant for therapy.

It is worth noting that taking medications simply relieves symptoms, but does not cure the cause. To use them to completely overcome the disease, it is worthwhile only in close symbiosis with classes from a specialist.

Psychological help

This therapy consists of several exercises that are aimed at counteracting the negative symptoms of the disease. They are structured in such a way as to gradually teach a person “shoulder sense” and trust in others. In addition, in some cases, techniques are used that are supposed to teach empathy and compassion for others.

The stages of help are very similar to overcoming depression and include:

Cognitive behavioral therapy. In some cases it is called the “four step method.” It is aimed at correcting persistent mental attitudes in the patient’s brain and developing the ability to look at the problem in an abstract way. It goes very well with taking medications, as they help you distract from obsessive thoughts and switch to overcoming their consequences.
Interpersonal therapy. Here the focus is on interaction between several people with a similar problem. It is used for those philophobes for whom their disorder prevents them from fully fulfilling their social role. That is, for their gradual return to society as full-fledged members.
Group therapy. The patient learns to listen to other people and empathize with their problems, to analyze the degree of his own anxiety when communicating with unfamiliar members of society of both sexes. This develops a sense of empathy, compassion and sympathy, allowing you to better and more fully understand the mechanism of their work.
Psychodynamic therapy. This species fights well with the internal conflict of the individual, which provoked alienation from society or its foundations. Includes a detailed story from the patient about his past, relationships with relatives and friends.

The last type is one of the most important. If the reason lies in the person’s past, and not in his character and personality type, such classes allow not only a specialist to understand the causes of the disorder. The patient himself begins to understand what led to this.

Signs and symptoms of philophobia

As we have already said, it is not so easy to suspect the presence of philophobia, but something may indicate the fact of fear of falling in love and love.

Signs and symptoms of philophobia:

a person spends more time in solitude or, conversely, tries to constantly be in company;
a person does not take care of his personal life or, on the contrary, starts superficial relationships, often changes friends and partners;
a person does not take care of his appearance, body, health (“Who should I show off for?”) or, on the contrary, devotes too much time to this;
the person became irritable and hot-tempered.

Philophobes develop a pessimistic view of the world, have problems sleeping, and are bothered by obsessive thoughts. Some philophobes share their experiences with other people, while other philophobes prefer to keep everything to themselves.

How to suspect a philophobe in a relationship? For example, as soon as a partner starts talking about the topic “What’s going on between us?”, “Don’t you love me?”, “We need to talk about our relationship,” the philophobe becomes aggressive and withdraws into himself as much as possible. He can even break off the relationship, as long as no one tries to get to the bottom of him.

And even if the partner does not bother with questions, but it seems to the philophobe that he has begun to become attached to the partner, then at that very moment, without explanation, the philophobe breaks off the relationship or makes sure that he is abandoned. However, more often he plays it safe and leaves the person after 1-2 dates.

If there are children in the family, then the philophobe is cold towards them in the same way as towards his spouse. He continues to live for his own pleasure. No, he fulfills the basic needs of the father/mother, but he does it as a mechanism. You shouldn’t expect sultry conversations, joint games and hugs from him.

The philophobe convinces himself and others that he does not need love, that he has given up on everyone and abandoned everyone. This is how the defense mechanism of the psyche works: hit first so that they don’t hit you.

If the mechanism malfunctions, the philophobe suspects himself of being attached to someone, or it seems to him that he said something unnecessary, gave free rein to his emotions, then he panics. Anxiety manifests itself at a somatic level:

nausea,
headache,
vomit,
dizziness,
arrhythmia,
tachycardia,
sweating,
feeling of suffocation
pre-fainting state,
chills,
tremor.

In this state, a person becomes dangerous to himself and others. He can be aggressive, he can hit, shout, insult.

Interesting! Most philophobes are distinguished by their cynicism and cruelty. They put on a mask that scares people away. For this reason, they can be confused with misanthropes - people who hate other people. In fact, usually one is closely related to the other.

Main symptoms

Here everything very much depends on the patient’s personality type, how introverted or extroverted he is, the level of socialization and other habits.
Sexual preferences also play a significant role. It is definitely impossible to immediately recognize a philophobe. Since his mental problem is in the area of feelings, it manifests itself precisely when he somehow behaves differently in relationships with other people of the opposite sex.

First of all, it is worth noting the ease of communicating with them. Without experiencing any strong emotions due to panic fear in their occurrence, the patient can speak absolutely freely with people, regardless of their gender.

Secondly, there are sometimes rather strange steps in choosing a life partner. They can associate her for a long time with those who do not value them at all. They irrationally enjoy a humiliated and depressed state, which makes it clear that a relationship like theirs is definitely not love. Psychologists call this Stockholm syndrome, but a special case of it is philophobia.

Other features may include:

Preference for one-time connections. At the same time, both a disdainful and overly attentive attitude towards one’s own body can manifest itself.
Avoidance of public places. There will always be some couple who, without hesitation, will show each other increased signs of attention. Watching her will become a very unpleasant experience for the patient, up to the appearance of panic attacks.
Increased sweating, trembling hands, or fainting near members of the opposite sex. Or, on the contrary, absolute calm and emphasized coldness.

Poor knowledge of this disease and its strong similarity to others makes the diagnostic task very difficult. Therefore, fear of love is a very specific phobia.

How to get rid of the fear of love

The main method of treating fear of love is psychotherapy. Psychologists use hypnosis, psychoanalysis, gestalt therapy, and cognitive behavioral psychotherapy. In addition, the client is taught auto-training.

The philophobe must understand that his experiences are associated with negative fantasies about the future, and all this is due to traumas of the past. It is necessary to change the attitude towards what happened and get rid of destructive attitudes, destructive personality traits and character.

In advanced stages, medication is indicated: antipsychotics, tranquilizers, antidepressants, sedatives. They are sold strictly by prescription and can only be prescribed by a doctor.

SEVENTH STAGE OF AWAKENING

Women's FEAR "I'M NOT LOVED" and men's FEAR "I'M NOT RESPECTED"

In fear of the disappearance of love, women lose their sense of reality.
Women lament and complain: “My husband doesn’t love me.” They come up with all sorts of tricks to attract a man - whims, demands, reproaches, helplessness, and even get sick, wanting to keep their husband with them. All this leads to neurosis, the first sign of which is headaches. Men wave their hand dejectedly or angrily and prefer to remain silent until their patience runs out. Both have the same approach: “Why is he not like me?” The problem is rooted in misunderstanding. A person whose brain (both in terms of feelings and in part of the mind) is blocked by the fear “they don’t love me” cannot understand. If a woman experiences the fear “they don’t love me,” then she erects a wall of fear in front of herself and cries and complains that she is not loved, but love cannot penetrate her through the wall. If a man has a soft character, then he finds himself buried under the burden of complaints and accusations. If he has the nature of a fighter, then he tries to act, but, hearing groundless accusations, after several attempts he begins to get angry. The fear that they don’t love me attracts suffering to the person experiencing it, designed to prove that he is not loved. How else can this person feel that he is not loved? The fear that they don’t love me forces a person to humiliatingly beg for love, no matter from whom and no matter in what way. Such a person is subjected to the most merciless humiliation. History is replete with cases of women being humiliated. It happens that the servant of love falls into despair and accuses the other of not needing his love because he does not accept it. A mess of thoughts arises in the servant’s head, he discovers that he is ugly, weak, unworthy as a partner, old, stupid and a thousand other thoughts with which he humiliates his dignity. He tries to correct himself as much as possible, begins to insistently offer his services and does not see that the other has taken a defensive posture - no one needs such good things. This is followed by the reproaches of the servant, whose efforts, in his opinion, do not bear fruit. Women especially show their unhappiness, because a woman loves with her ears, and she wants to hear that she is loved. Men love more with their eyes and therefore reach the critical point of their stress later. The fear of not being loved prevents a person from giving true love to another and receiving true love from another. Until both parties understand this, sexual relationships will remain devoid of spirituality. It is impossible to give a servant of love, be it a woman or a man, as much love as he needs, because he subconsciously wants to feel that he is not loved. Love is freedom, not possession. Love is service, not being served. A person whose slavish fear of not being loved increases, despite serving, becomes embittered and becomes picky. Or, for example, if from the bottom of your heart you offer a fastidious slave a tasty dish, he will pick up the fallen crumb, showing with all his appearance: “Oh, how much do I need.” Whether he expresses these words out loud or not, they will have their effect, and the other person’s mood will deteriorate. Tensions continue to rise. A fastidious person can always say: “I didn’t say anything bad, but he, you see, was offended. I no longer have the right to say a word or do anything!” So little by little the fear of not being loved turns into a weapon. Anger at self-abasement, because with its help I have not achieved anything, now forces me to humiliate myself and go begging with my back bent. By humiliating yourself, you have destroyed normal human relationships and angered the other. Now you are forced to turn to him for help. It would be better to ask forgiveness from your mistakes. Instead of trying to save your marriage from failure, start releasing your “fear of not being loved” and you won’t need to change your partner. The marriage as a whole will be balanced thanks to you, thanks to the fact that you, being one of the parties to the marriage, will begin to gain balance. Letting go of your own fear will allow you to see your spouse in the right light. Don't say your spouse doesn't change. He will change if you change. Your attitude towards him will change, and you will again feel the feeling that once brought you together. Forgive your fear they don’t like me
.
You raised him yourself and he feels bad in your captivity. When there is no fear that they don’t love me, then there is no fear that my love is not accepted
. A man who is afraid of not being respected subconsciously wants to see himself as good and worthy in order to be respected. The need for this is so strong and powerful that it forces him to humiliate others in order to appear better and higher himself. With his anger, which grew out of fear, he destroys even the most precious things. He enters into trusting relationships with those who help him denigrate other people, while simultaneously despising their own kind. If a person is filled with fears and becomes aggressive, this does not give him the right to hurt others. And if he does, he himself suffers doubly. This is how a boss behaves, who is afraid that he is not respected. He becomes a despot and begins to torment others, as he feels the need to show that he is more worthy and better than everyone else in order to gain respect. He himself does not realize this and even denies it. If there is no respect, life loses its meaning. Senselessness pushes you towards a glass. This is how they drown the mental pain caused by a lack of respect, because they don’t know how to free it or it’s already so late that everything loses its meaning. Alcohol is the most accessible means of dulling mental pain. Such a person does not understand that his fear destroys his self-esteem. A hangover is fear and reluctance to see beauty around you, if everything is bad for yourself. The morning after a drinking session, an injured sense of self-esteem drives a person to get drunk to such a state that he does not think about insults and offenders. The body helps achieve this goal by destroying brain cells. So, out of fear of not being respected, anger at others and at myself quietly formed. There may even be a feeling of horror at the thought of losing respect. And the hand reaches for the bottle. This is the path of self-destruction. If this does not help, and soon this will not help either, then the person begins to suppress the mental pain with sedatives or drugs. See Respect.

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Confess your love, even if you are afraid of rejection, Even if you are one hundred percent sure of it. Say funny words and ridiculous phrases, Illuminate dull everyday life with bright fire! Confess your love, sparing neither words nor emotions. And don’t be afraid to end up broke after wasting yourself. In life, besides love, there are no other beacons, maps and directions. And without them, ships will never reach land. Confess your love to those who are dear and close to you. It’s better to do than to cry, which I could have, but, alas, didn’t have time to do. Make your dreams come true and, laughing, indulge your whims, And baby Cupid will conjure the accuracy of your arrows. Confess your love, do not try to hide it in your heart. The cold is not scary if you give off heat! If your fire managed to warm at least someone, you will someday understand how lucky you are in love!

FEAR OF LOVE

Fear of love arises among people who are very interested in love.
They associate with it the fulfillment of their entire lives and the conditions for a magnificent, beautiful, good existence. They strive for love, but suppress this desire into the subconscious, which is why the fear of love arises. This happens very early, even in childhood, when the child begins the process of puberty. During this period, he reads relevant books, watches relevant films and becomes excited about love. He begins to hope that when he grows up, he will definitely meet a big, beautiful and happy love. This is how the ideal of love is introduced. When the ideal of love is introduced, all the hopes of this child begin to be connected with love. A peak is designated that will never be reached. The stakes are so high that love becomes an unrealistic obsession, and the ideal becomes a Procrustean bed. This happens on a subconscious level and the child does not realize it. His ideal exceeds all human norms and is collected from certain images, books, poetry, films. The child begins to select what this man or this woman will be like, what appearance, height, how he will dress, smile, speak, and so on. This is typical for anxious and suspicious children. By the age of seven, their “I” has already been formed. Sex begins to bother them by the age of twelve to fourteen, and until that moment they create a collective image of their future lover or beloved. Preparing himself for unearthly joys with another person, a boy or girl moves away from himself, and all hopes for another person begin to grow and strengthen. The image of the future object of love remains at the subconscious level in the form of an ideal. From this moment on, the child closes down, defends himself, and the more unattainable he creates the ideal, the more doomed he becomes to dislike. The ideal becomes his defense against life. The child loses his simplicity, innocence, purity and closes himself in such a way that he never risks introducing a less than ideal person into his life. Now the child is closed from others. The girl says that she likes boys with such and such merits, warning everyone that she only likes a certain type of boy. The boy warns that he likes a certain type of girl. In reality, such a child develops fear - fear of love, which is why he begins to demonstrate himself, showing outward indifference. He still has time to wait, but the tension associated with waiting for love is growing. At the same time, he scans and controls how other children treat him, especially if they are beautiful boys or girls, becoming dependent on their assessment and developing anxious suspiciousness. Outwardly, he demonstrates neglect and indifference, not allowing anyone close to him, but he himself dreams and dreams of love. Due to his closeness, this child sees indifference towards himself everywhere. Now the world reflects him accordingly, and he begins to feel pain internally. Because of the intolerance of mental pain, he becomes even more indifferent, does not express himself, does not develop fully, does not mature psychologically, and closes himself off even more. Now he doesn’t believe that love will ever happen to him. One day love comes to him. At a certain age, another boy or another girl tells him that she loves him. But he can't open up. He would be glad, he waited, even if not ideal, he wanted so much, dreamed so much, looking into all his eyes, but now... He doesn’t know what to do, he has no adequacy, no understanding of how to act, he is afraid of the pain that he has known within yourself. This child is sick at heart. Now, he either categorically refuses the relationship, fearing that he will be abandoned, or demonstrates neglect and indifference. And if a boy approaches such a girl, she shows with all her appearance that she is not interested in him. At the same time, she internally holds on to him and suffers, not knowing what to do, not being able to open up in front of another person, in front of another mirror. The same thing happens to boys. These children are experiencing internal tragedy. A person cannot live without love; he needs a lot of experience of love. And, feeling fear of it, an adult is already a person, because of the ideal drawn in childhood, he cannot get close to anyone - traps are seen everywhere, disappointment lies everywhere. Hence the extremes - he is either demonstrative or hiding in himself. He cannot open up because he knows mental pain and indifference towards himself. And when love comes to him, he cannot warm up, because no one matches the ideal that exists in his subconscious. Children need to be taught that there should be no place for collective images in their lives. The mind is a virtual world that should not be joked with - if someone brings something into it, it remains for life. Without understanding this, with the best intentions, the child’s mind from birth is filled with all sorts of ideas, ideals and standards that have nothing to do with reality. As a result, these children, and then adults, cannot live fully. All their lives they want love, need love and avoid it. When they meet love, they are not warmed by it, and do not believe that they are loved. When faith and knowledge are filled with love, humility appears - a quality that allows you to be strong in the sphere of your knowledge. With a lack of love and knowledge, instead of humility there will be humility or the other extreme - will. With the help of will you can get rid of the lower forms of fear, but this will not get rid of fear at all, since the will can only suppress fear, and it will manifest itself at the most inopportune moment. Fear of other people's opinions is often underestimated, yet it is deep and destructive. Salvation from this fear lies in unconditional love for people, in self-love, in the emergence of one’s individuality. And the deep awareness that All are One kills the last manifestations of fears. Fear is the basis of many sufferings, and in order to get rid of it, you need to remember that a person came to Earth to complete tasks, and tasks are always given within one’s strength
!

FREEDOM-LOVE BACHELOR COMPLEX

The bachelor complex is associated with fear of women.
Men do not understand and are not aware of this fear due to their upbringing. As a rule, men who have an oppressive mother remain bachelors - this is a demonstrative form of women manipulating boys. And when “boys” grow up, they are under control throughout their lives, not because their mother controls them, but because their mother’s voice is constantly present in them. These children don’t like themselves; they are afraid of being exposed and exposed as being incompetent. They become ambitious and ambitious. Their sexual energy begins to develop in the direction of how to succeed in society, how to rise above this world, gain power, make a career and money. Sex is not a big deal for them. They can look closely at women, care for them, have sex, but sex is not so important for them, because the task of such a man, due to his inferiority, is to succeed in the world, to find prestige. And a woman is in their life - insofar as. They have an idea about a woman - what she should be. A woman should appreciate everything that men who have a bachelor complex do, this is important for them - everything should be emphasized. They have an increased importance of their own person, they are chronically offended when others do not look at them and do not pay them due attention. Due to inferiority and complexes, there is a constant subconscious demand on others. And they don't get married. They calculate, calculate every move, they watch how a woman treats them, leaning either “for” marriage or “against”. Thus, they spend their entire lives getting married in their heads. As soon as they feel good, they seem to agree to get married, but the slightest dissonance - and they no longer agree. They constantly have a fear of being possessed by a woman
. You can hear, “Oh man! Well done, bravo! He has not married and is not planning to marry. Strong!”, but this comes from weakness, not from strength. This is weakness. He believes that as soon as he gets married, his wife’s heel will immediately step on him and cut off his oxygen. This is a type of struggle, a type of antagonism between a man and a woman, due to distorted upbringing and perception. That is, a man’s upbringing was so distorted that it discouraged the taste and instinctive desire to be with the opposite sex actively, brightly, fully. A man with a bachelor complex is always closed, he is a “man in a case” who lives in his own imaginary world. He has a rich imagination and fantasies. He constantly consoles himself and engages in self-justification on every occasion, without contact with reality and remaining infantile. In essence, he remains a child. See: Man's fear of woman.

In a psychotherapy group, I recently discovered an excess of aggression and fear of women. I think that this fear of women is connected with my birth, which I experienced again in the group and which was very painful for me. All this is connected and interdependent. Fear of a woman comes primarily from fear of the mother. Everyone needs to reconcile with their mother. If you fail to establish a relationship with your mother, then there will be problems with any woman, because every woman will always remind you of your mother. Sometimes a person may not realize it, but on a subconscious level he will suffer from it. Today, no childbirth is painless. Civilization has completely destroyed the natural process of the emergence of new life. Children are no longer born naturally. The mother is so stressed that she does not contribute to the normal birth of the child. On the contrary, it only gets in the way. She does not allow the child to be born into the world. She prevents the uterus from opening. This is quite consistent with the busy rhythm of modern life. The main idea of our time, which fuels anxiety and concern, is that we need to fight life and nature. So there's nothing new here for you. Every child went through a more or less painful birth. Therefore, the only way out of this situation is to absolutely consciously experience childbirth again. If you are born consciously again, you can understand and forgive your mother, because the poor woman herself suffered. She didn't do anything bad to you; she herself became a victim. No one is to blame for anything, because the approach itself is wrong. She herself suffered when she was born and she also made you suffer. But she had no idea that she was doing the wrong thing. By awakening, becoming aware, you can forgive her. Moreover, you will feel compassion for her. Once you have compassion for your mother, reconciliation has happened. All your complaints against her will disappear, and suddenly you will feel that you have become at ease with women. You will no longer be afraid of them; you will love them. Woman is one of the most beautiful creatures in the world; the woman is beyond comparison. Woman is God's masterpiece. If you are afraid of a woman, you will be afraid of God, you will be afraid of love, of prayer. You will be afraid of everything beautiful, for a woman personifies beauty and grace. And as soon as this happens - as soon as you open up to the feminine energy around you - your aggressiveness will disappear. Aggression is just energy that has not yet been transformed into love. Aggression is nothing more than unawakened love. Love is creative and violence is destructive; but creative energy turns into destructive energy if it is not used. You've had some wonderful, significant moments in the band. Quite a few men come to me and say that they are afraid of women, very afraid. This constantly present fear prevents them from communicating with women, preventing them from establishing at least some kind of relationship with them. When a person is afraid of relationships, he will be constrained by fear. In this case, he will not be able to relax and be natural. Constant fear makes a man indecisive: he is always afraid that a woman will reject him, that she will refuse him. There are also other fears. If a man constantly repeats: “I am not afraid of women, and every day I am getting better,” if he uses such methods, then he can temporarily overcome his fear, but the fear will only lurk, and will appear again and again. If a man is afraid of women, then most likely the reason for such fear is his relationship with his mother, since his mother was the very first woman in his life. You can have many women around you: a wife, a lover, a daughter, a friend, but the image of the mother will always prevail. This is your first experience of communicating with a woman. All subsequent relationships with women will be based on this experience, on the experience of communicating with your mother. So, if a man is afraid of women, then he needs to take an excursion back into the past, he needs to go back in memory, to childhood, in order to find the source of the fear there. It could be a simple incident, even a very minor one; he may no longer remember it at all. But when he returns, he will find this wound somewhere. You needed your mother’s love, every child needs this, but apparently she had other interests. She was a businesswoman, and every now and then she needed to be present at all sorts of meetings and meetings. She was keen to maintain her figure, so she quickly weaned you off her breast. She wanted to keep the shape of her breasts; she didn't want them to lose their appearance because of breastfeeding. She tried to keep her breasts attractive, so she switched you to bottle feeding. Perhaps she had other reasons of a psychological nature: you were not a wanted child. You have become an unpleasant burden. The birth control pill didn't work and you were born. Or maybe she hated her husband, and you were like him, which caused her great hatred and alienation. But you need to go back, you need to feel like a child again. Remember, no stage of life is gone forever. There is still a child inside of you. The point is not that the child turns into a young man, no. The child is inside, the young man simply covers him, and the old man, in turn, is superimposed on him, a kind of multi-layered, multi-level overlay is obtained. A child never becomes a youth; he remains inside, the young man simply puts himself on top of him. There is a similarity here with a multi-layered onion: if you start to peel it, you can see that all the layers remain and they have not gone anywhere. © Osho

Energy distribution

The universe consists of pure energy, the nature of which is movement and flow.
There is constant change in life, it is a continuous flow. When we are attuned to its rhythm, we gain the ability to give and receive freely. It suddenly opens up to us that in fact we never lose anything. This is simply impossible. We are constantly acquiring. We experience the joy of continuous giving and receiving. And the joy of giving reveals to us that the more energy we give, the more space we make available to receive new energy. In order for the flow not to be interrupted, it is important to avoid the feeling of danger (fear) and the thought that “there is not enough for everyone.” Enough is enough, and there will be more left. Even more than it was... Remember that our fear of losing or not getting something makes us greedy, makes us cling to what we have. In this case, we find ourselves cut off from the flow, the movement of energy is disrupted, and there is no room left in us to receive new energy. Well, just imagine: in one hand there is a bun in the other, there is a cake in the other, and there is candy in your teeth - where else? And we become “stingy beggars.” In every sense, without exception. Because the energy we receive can take different forms - love and affection, gratitude and recognition, material wealth, money, friendship. All these forms are part of the flow. Observe the people around you. If you want to identify the most unhappy, you will find that these are precisely those who experience the feeling of inner “hunger” that is so familiar to us all. These people feel that life in general and other people in particular do not give them what they need. They try in vain to squeeze love and satisfaction out of life, but instead they only interrupt the source. This happens, from time to time, to each of us. “Give, make, don’t take away, sell, finally!” - all this is due to poverty of spirit. But you and I already know something... In the Space of Love, “giving” means becoming freer, freeing yourself for new unknown joys of life
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Only when we want and are READY to share can we truly give, because we do it not as a sacrifice, not for the sake of correctness, not for the sake of the idea of spirituality, but simply for pleasure - because we like it. Then we are filled with Love. The beauty is that each of us will be able to have access to an inexhaustible, endless source of Love and happiness within ourselves. But for some reason we often live with the idea that happiness requires something from the outside. Although the truth is that everything happens the other way around: we must first establish a CONNECTION with our inner source of happiness and satisfaction, then direct the flow of energy from this source to the outer world, for others. Not because it is virtuous, but because it makes us happy! Because this is the essence of Love, and we are all loving beings. But there is no need to doubt this. Of course, sometimes these loving beings break loose and no stream or source of wisdom can stop this destructive wave... But that’s why you and I are now puffing over white pages with black icons. Not to gain knowledge, but to think and feel what happiness skills we need. Whenever we direct the energy of our Love to the outside world, we simultaneously make room within ourselves to receive new energy - we turn on the Attraction of Love. And we soon discover that living like this is a real pleasure for us. And we do this again and again, filling our space with Love and joy. The more Love we direct outward, the more Love we receive from the world, simply by virtue of the principle of receiving and giving
. Nature abhors a vacuum. By spending energy, we create a void that needs to be filled with something. The process of giving acquires its own value When we fully understand and put this principle into practice, our innate nature - the nature of Love - manifests itself. This is how we create our Space of Love. As you work with your creative imagination, you will find that the more focused you are on giving, the easier and faster your dreams will come true. But always remember to give while being equally open to receiving. Don't forget that giving also means giving to yourself. Giving skills are very easy to acquire. It is enough to constantly practice this to feel how pleasant it is. How about practice? Do not you mind? That's great. So, a few exercises. Try to show other people that you appreciate them as often as possible. Sit down right now and make a list of people you would like to express love and gratitude to. Made up? Great. Now think about how you can do this over the next week. Whether you do this in the form of words, touch, a gift, a phone call or letter, money or any manifestation of your talents is not so important. It is important that this evokes positive emotions in the person you want to please. And, of course, it is important that this process brings pleasure to you, even if it requires a little more effort. Try to say words of gratitude and approval to people as often as possible. It’s okay if this makes you a little embarrassed yourself. Review the things you own. And those that you don’t need or that you use very rarely, give them to people who need them more than you. If you are used to constantly saving, now try doing something different. Try to make some small, unnecessary expenses every day. Shop for something that costs a little more, buy a friend a coffee, or donate money to a good cause. This will prove to you that you believe in the stability and prosperity that you claim. In this case, actions acquire the power of words. Set aside a percentage of your income to benefit a parent, church, spiritual organization, person or group of people who you believe are engaged in worthwhile activities. This is one way to maintain energy and also recognize that everything you receive comes from the World (God). By making investments in this way, you return energy to the true source. The size of this contribution does not matter at all - it could even be one percent of your income. Be creative. Think of other ways and means of applying your energy in the outside world for your benefit and the benefit of others. © Galina Muravyova – “Attraction of Love”

Twelve steps to awakening.
Sixth step
: Accept as is.
Seventh step. Feeling of fear. Fear of the new. Fear of loneliness. Suicide. Basic fears. Shock. Fear is a guardian. Fear of death. Anxiety. Fear: “They don’t love me.” Fear of love. Bachelor complex. “The fear of living your own life by yourself” - Luule Viilma. “Fear of condemnation, punishment” - Luule Viilma. “Placing fears in the body” - Luule Viilma. Release of fears. Release your pain. Meditation on the transformation of fear into love. Osho. “The path of love is the path of fear” - Ruiz Miguel. Eighth stage. Accepting your sexuality. Download file “12 steps to awakening”
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Why is the fear of falling in love dangerous?

The more advanced the philophobe’s condition and the more acutely he is aware of his problem, the more dangerous the consequences. Some philophobes are prone to self-harm and self-destruction. They feel like moral monsters, cripples.

However, even if it doesn’t come to this, the life of a philophobe can hardly be called happy. From time to time, a feeling of sadness and loneliness still comes over him. Subconsciously, he understands that he needs love, a trusting relationship (this is the natural need of all people), but is unable to do this due to complexes, fear, and traumatic memories.

1st type. Disappointed

The main reason : personality viscosity.

In psychology there is such a term - personality viscosity. Such people are characterized by a lack of flexibility, immaturity of the psyche, they get stuck in stress, do not fight it, constantly delve into their problem, analyze something and regularly press the red pain button. Having experienced a strong disappointment in love, they did not let go of the situation, did not get out of it, did not process it, did not adapt to the new life, did not forget anything and continue to be stressed. After the experience, they can no longer imagine that it could be different. For them, love equals suffering.

Do you want your wish to come true? We invite you to a transformational psychological game that will make your dreams come true!

Advice from a psychologist ↑

Find the original source of fear . There are a lot of reasons in the world “thanks to” which people are afraid of deep feelings. The problem cannot be eliminated if you don’t know what it is, therefore, before pointing at your own powerlessness, you need to begin an intensive search for the “source of troubles.” Having successfully completed this task, you will be able to cope with the phobia.
Recognize your right to make mistakes . Love failures to a large extent contribute to the emergence of philophobia (the so-called fear of love in psychology). However, sad experience is, first of all, useful knowledge that allows you to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. In the end, it is not without reason that he says: everything that does not kill us gives us strength. Draw the right conclusions and move forward with optimism.
Work on increasing your self-esteem . Drowning in complexes, it is simply impossible to adequately assess reality. Only by accepting and loving yourself for who you are can you understand whether fear is justified or whether it is dictated by just an extreme degree of self-doubt and self-doubt. Don't stop working to improve your self-esteem, and the phobia won't stand a chance.
Learn to ignore your fear . People who are accustomed to being afraid and who only sigh doomfully over failures in their personal lives are, in most cases, themselves to blame for their troubles. Instead of looking for compromises and learning to overcome obstacles, they literally revel in fear, finding in it, albeit bitter, but still pleasure. Stop whining, leave your comfort zone and then you will understand that being alone is much worse than being in love.
Say goodbye to all ideals . You can sigh about Brad Pitt for up to a hundred years and remain in the grip of the fear of falling in love with a less than ideal man for the same amount of time, but isn’t it better to stop empty dreams and find real happiness?! Do you want to cope with philophobia? Wake up from your sweet dreams, go on a date and find at least one virtue in the person who is trying to brighten up your evening.
Show respect and understanding . No one likes to be under undue pressure, even if it is caused by a maddening fear of love. If you had the courage to enter into a relationship, have the conscience not to put pressure on your partner, persistently and mercilessly trying to rebuild him for yourself. The result of such inappropriate behavior can be a painful breakup, which will in no way bring you any closer to defeating the phobia.
Contact a specialist . In some cases, the fear of loving is associated with deep psychological or physical trauma received either in childhood or in adulthood. If the reason for your fear lies precisely in this, do not hesitate to seek help from experienced specialists, since it is practically impossible to cope with such problems on your own.

Don't want to have children? Find out what the true reasons for the fear of motherhood are. Read about how to deal with your child’s fears here.

How to get rid of the fear of public speaking? Read the article.

And finally, I would like to say: such a feeling as love can cause completely different emotional processes - happiness or grief, laughter or tears, rage or calmness, but in no case should it cause fear.

Fear numbs us, makes us forget about the good and turns our life into a dull existence, devoid of meaning and all human joys. Don’t forget about this and try to never be afraid of anything!