By love, men and women mean different states. If for a woman love is, as a rule, trust, support and warmth, then for a healthy man love is, first of all, the presence of physical attraction and high-quality, regular sex life, and secondly, psychological comfort. However, in the process of getting closer, spouses may lose the spark of love, and not finding mutual understanding, grow cold towards each other. Due to natural emotionality, a woman needs warmth more than a man, and she experiences the loss of a loved one more difficult. However, it also happens that it is the woman who cools off towards the man first.
Why doesn't a wife love her husband?
Depending on the character, temperament of the woman, her physical health and general vitality, the reasons that the wife has cooled may be different. Feelings for your spouse have disappeared if:
- the wife became interested in another man,
- lost the habit after a long separation,
- a child has appeared and all his strength goes into him,
- quarrels, conflicts are frequent, there is no desire to meet each other halfway,
- relatives or friends intervene,
- tired of everyday problems,
- Life priorities have changed.
There are other reasons for cooling, but the above are the most common.
Doesn't love me because I got carried away
When a woman has a lover, she may refuse intimacy to her husband. You can identify an unfaithful woman by observing her behavior in the presence of other men. If a wife likes to flirt in the presence of her husband, then it is very likely that she is unfaithful. A woman with a strong type of sexual constitution needs constant male attention; even the temporary absence of a man can lead to adultery.
I didn’t fall out of love, I just lost the habit
If the work of both or one spouse involves long business trips, then there is always a chance that the spouse will lose the habit, begin to feel shy or awkward. Working on a shift basis can greatly complicate a couple's relationship, because it is difficult to love someone who is not around. It is better to choose a job for which you can leave together.
The child takes all his strength
When a couple has a baby, it is better to take care of him together. A cheerful, well-rested husband will never understand the fatigue and anxiety of a young mother. He may feel that he is not loved and is being deliberately ignored. In addition, when the husband becomes involved in caring for the baby, he becomes more conscious of his role as a father, and the wife gets a little respite and the opportunity to remember that she is not just a mother, but also a woman.
Cooled down due to quarrels and misunderstandings
It is difficult for an upset and offended woman to completely relax and open up to her partner. In couples where the husband does not understand this, mutual hostility can grow in the relationship, gradually nullifying women's feelings. Therefore, it is better to get into the habit of discussing all your negative emotions and looking for a solution together.
Relatives or acquaintances influenced the attitude towards your husband
Every day, every day, a woman can hear unflattering comments about her husband from relatives or colleagues. If most of her friends have formed a negative opinion about her husband, then her feelings for him are gradually cooling. Women are naturally more suggestible than men, but protecting her from relatives and colleagues will not be the best solution. To understand her feelings, they need to be discussed.
She's tired of everyday problems
In the end, a wife may simply get tired of the everyday troubles falling on her female shoulders and feel tired, sick, and exhausted. In such cases, she may not even have the strength to ask for help, and her husband perceives this state as a lack of feelings. If you periodically take on her responsibilities, letting her sleep, soak in the bath, and take care of herself, then after resting she will remember that she is a woman and has a husband.
Changing priorities
Sometimes being tired ends with a change in priorities. That is, tired of trying to provide a decent existence for herself and her family, a woman can put material security first. As a result, marriage with an insolvent man is completely devalued by her, and she begins to look for a wealthy one.
Leave or endure?
Everyone must make a decision in such a situation independently. At a young age, with an attractive appearance, with strong confidence in your abilities, you should not stay in a negative environment with an unloved, annoying person. Take the opportunity to find a man with whom you can find happiness. But we shouldn’t forget about the disadvantages of breaking up a relationship:
- The unknown. Are you sure that you will be able to get along with your new chosen one? It takes at least three years to get to know a person and understand whether you are suitable for each other.
- Possible cooling towards a new person. If you fall out of love again, will you need to start looking again? Love feelings are gradually harmonized, transformed into respect and fidelity. This is what we should strive for. If there is such a connection in your family relationships, then do not rush to destroy it. Will it be possible to build the same harmony with another person?
- Time is fleeting. Don't forget your age. After 30 years, it is already difficult to find a man who is free and can make a worthy couple. Are you ready to put up with some “shortcomings”: he has children, has bad habits? Are you ready to take such a step when there is already a man nearby whom you know like the back of your hand?
- Raising a child in a dysfunctional family. Ask yourself: Will you be able to educate your child on your own and provide a decent life for your child? Are you ready to raise him without a father? Will the stepfather also love the child? If you don’t feel confident, it’s stupid to leave. But only in the case when the lack of love does not interfere with leading a quiet life, when intimate intimacy with your husband does not cause disgust.
Each case is individual, there can be many more disadvantages. Before you do anything, think carefully about what you will lose if you get divorced.
Make sure that there really are no more feelings. That this is not an impulsive decision due to fatigue that has accumulated over the years, the inattention of a spouse and scandals. Perhaps this is just a difficult period that you need to wait out. Emotional actions are not always correct.
How to beautifully break up with a man?
How to understand that a wife has stopped loving her husband
If the spouse does not receive what she expects in the relationship, then her feelings gradually begin to fade away. You can understand whether a woman loves you only by indirect signs. Perhaps the wife has fallen out of love if:
- she has lost sexual desire,
- she becomes uncomfortable with touch or avoids tactile contact,
- became secretive
- spends a lot of time outside the home,
- avoids meetings
- stopped caring about her spouse, is not interested in his life,
- avoids conversations and answering questions.
Of course, these signs do not always indicate a change in feelings. Sometimes, especially if a woman has become irritable, this indicates the emergence of problems in her life, including health problems. Therefore, before sorting things out, it would not hurt to ask what is causing such changes.
If she has lost her sex drive
A cold bed is considered one of the surest signs that the wife has grown cold. If there is no sex life in a couple for two or more months, then most likely the wife has stopped loving her husband.
If your wife avoids touching
Close people calmly react to intrusion into each other's personal space. A loving woman calmly reacts to her husband’s penetration into the close contact zone. When she constantly moves away, increasing the distance between you, then you should seriously think about the reciprocity of feelings.
If she became secretive
If the spouse flinches during a call, leaves the room to answer it, hides her phone, changed or set the screen lock, avoids answering questions and tries to change the subject, it means that she has secrets that her husband should not know. Usually this behavior indicates infidelity.
If a woman spends a lot of time outside the home
When a woman tries to leave home for various reasons and is absent for a long time, then she is probably unfaithful. If this behavior is combined with the habit of not answering calls, then most likely she simply ignores them and you should seriously think about the possibility of continuing such a relationship.
If she avoids meeting
If you wake up when she is no longer there, and fall asleep when she has not yet returned, or she, not wanting to talk, spends a lot of time in the bathroom, in the kitchen, walking with the children, the dog, then they are avoiding you. Sometimes women show their resentment this way. If this behavior lasts more than one or two weeks, it means that something is happening to your loved one.
If she doesn't care or is interested
Lack of interest in the well-being and affairs of the spouse can be attributed to the surest signs that the wife does not love. The feeling of love between husband and wife implies deep interest in everything that concerns the spouse. If there is no such interest in relation to the husband, then, most likely, the wife no longer loves.
If the wife avoids talking and answering questions
If your wife constantly avoids talking and answering your questions, justifying the urgency of business, reacts aggressively to attempts to find out what is happening, or remains silent, the feeling of falling in love has probably already passed and she no longer feels love for her husband.
Is it worth returning your spouse if he left?
Yes
27.78%
No
72.22%
Voted: 18
Ways to get your girlfriend back
- Wisdom
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Common sense should prevail over feelings of anger and resentment that you have stopped being loved. There is no need to aggravate the conflict or arrange an analysis of the situation. Try to talk calmly, find out everything that your partner doesn’t like and act based on all the information received. Any effect always has a cause and you must identify it. A banal option for changing everyday life is possible; maybe a woman has been unsettled by routine or everyday problems. Don't rush, don't do anything drastic, show restraint and calm.
- Physical contact.
Show care and attention to the body of your wife or girlfriend. Stroke a sore spot, give a pleasant massage, give pleasure in sex. Any male touch produces the hormone oxytocin in the female body, which will calm your partner and melt her anger.
- Sex.
Making a woman want to make love is half the battle. You can have a romantic dinner or rent a house for two, where you will be completely alone. Seduce your girlfriend in every way. Intimacy, excitement, passion - all these can win in love, try to be a great lover so that the girl understands that you are the best of all. If a woman enjoys sex with you, then she will never leave or stop loving you.
- Conversations.
Don't let your wife withdraw into herself. Constantly participate in her affairs and problems, help solve them. Daily conversations bring us closer together and make it clear what is bothering the wife at a given time. Also, do not forget that a woman is not a housewife, take part in household chores and help with the housework.
- Pleasant surprises.
Girls love care and attention, compliments, gifts. Show concern for her nutrition, appearance, and health. An excellent surprise would be a trip together, a vacation for two, a musical greeting or something unusual. Girls love with their ears, give them compliments. In the morning you can say a phrase about a beautiful appearance, and in the evening whisper tender words. Do it unobtrusively. Kind, gentle words always find a response in women's hearts.
- Tell us about your deeds and victories
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Girls like successful guys. Make plans for your career, share your desire to achieve something. Develop in your professional field, try to earn more. Women love to feel confident in their man.
- Take care of yourself
.
Include sports exercises in your daily routine and tighten your figure. Pay attention to your appearance, get a fashionable haircut, buy fashionable things.
- Don't become limp, remain a man in any situation
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You shouldn't humiliate yourself and beg for love. This behavior, on the contrary, will work against you. Show your calmness and confidence in the future.
- Become physically attractive to your beloved woman
.
Your crush should not be ashamed of her boyfriend when meeting her friends and parents. Girls love to be proud of their partners. Any woman is attracted to the excellent physical shape of the person she lives with, and the better it is, the greater your chances of success.
What to do if it seems that you have stopped loving your husband
Russian women more often than others consider themselves to be the initiator of divorce. Six out of ten Russian women surveyed consider divorce to be their initiative. However, before leaving or filing for divorce, you should think carefully first. Sometimes starting over can be more difficult than trying to renew an old relationship. In order to save a marriage, first of all, a mutual decision is necessary.
- If something in your husband’s behavior irritates you, you should definitely discuss it with him.
- Plan joint leisure time.
- Once a week, send the children to their grandmother so that they have the opportunity to be alone.
- Learn to be sincere, try to listen, hear and understand.
- If it seems that none of the advice is working, then you should not immediately talk about divorce. Sometimes a two-week break, such as a vacation, helps you sort out your own feelings and bring clarity to your relationship.
Summary
Even if all your attempts did not get a good result, then you should not be upset and hold on to this relationship. Love is a feeling that defies logic and understanding. And if you have reached a dead end and notice strange things in a woman’s behavior, then it is better to turn all your attention to yourself, engage in self-development, self-improvement. During this period, it is important for you to focus on your career, your appearance, and your health. Women never want to leave successful and rich men. You should not look for consolation in the first open arms. Try to assess the situation, understand your mistakes, thank the woman for the experience and let her go. In discord, you should not blame only yourself, there are always two people to blame. It’s not worth remaining friends, it will prevent you from adjusting to a new happy life.
How to get love back: advice from a psychologist
As a rule, the reason for the cooling of marital feelings is the loss of attraction by one or both spouses, or the loss of trust. A change of environment and the usual course of events helps restore attraction. When it seems that you no longer love your spouse, psychologists advise:
- Change the scenery for a while. Go to the sea, on a cruise, to a sanatorium.
- Live separately temporarily, strong feelings will strengthen, and weak ones will fade away.
- Try to show care for each other in small ways. Pour coffee, help with deeds, advice, give a hand, intercept the burden.
- Learn to be sincere.
- Demonstrate sensitivity, be ready to be there in difficult times, lend a shoulder, hand over a pack of paper napkins.
- Find an activity that will help you distract from bad thoughts.
- Start a tradition of spending time together.
Regaining trust can be much more difficult. Sometimes ordinary courtship is not enough for this and it is better to seek help from a specialist.
Bed
A sure sign of cooled feelings is a cold bed. Of course, couples with a long history of family life are less likely to give in to love pleasures, but they still exist. And when you can’t even remember the last time, it’s worth wondering if everything is as good as it seems.
A woman who does not have any feelings for a man will come up with excuses. She won't want to be intimate with him. Therefore, if your wife constantly refuses sex, has long stopped flirting with you, and does not show any feminine activity, then this is a clear signal of her cooling feelings for you.
Often in such cases, the wife may even cheat on her husband. There is no need to take any drastic measures right away. First, read the article “How to test a girl for cheating.”
Should I return my spouse?
What to do if his wife has fallen out of love can only be decided by the man himself, because only he knows his woman so much that he is able to distinguish real intentions from a cunning female maneuver. If none of the methods below work and your wife has fallen out of love, then you should not hold her back by force. Violence has never made anyone happy. In order to find a truly loved one, you need to let her go.
Asya Rakhovich
Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.
Ask a Question
In some cases, the only solution is divorce
When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:
- Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
- Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
- No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
- Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
- Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.
Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.
Respect and trust
I always say that these are the two pillars of a happy family life. Therefore, if you notice disrespectful treatment and behavior on the part of your spouse towards yourself, then this is a clear sign of her alienation.
And the question about trust here is as follows - a woman doesn’t care about a man, she doesn’t care about where he is, with whom, how he spends his time, what he does. She's losing interest. That’s why he doesn’t question him with passion, doesn’t call every five minutes, doesn’t ask why he was late.
Scandals and hysterics
The downside of indifference is the outburst of negative emotions on you. She will constantly reproach you, talk about your shortcomings, see only the bad in everything, she will not like everything and it is impossible to please such a woman.
She will throw out all her negative emotions on you. You didn't have a good day - it's your fault, if you broke a nail - it's your fault, your friend didn't come to the meeting - it's you again. And so on ad infinitum. In everything, she sees you as to blame and involved in her troubles and misfortunes.
