10 tips to strengthen your relationship

Popular author Mark Manson asked his blog readers to share their relationship advice. More than 1,500 people wrote to him about their experience. And using this material, Mark derived the basic rules for sustainable relationships.

However, first it’s worth remembering the reasons why you shouldn’t start them at all:

Pressure from family or friends.
Loneliness.
Naive love. When it seems that love is the solution to all problems and the only meaning of life.
Self-doubt or complexes. This inevitably leads to unhealthy relationships: we love our partner only as long as they make us feel better. And under such conditions, true intimacy cannot arise.

Be realistic

True love is not at all the same as romantic love, which makes us not notice the shortcomings of our partner. It's a choice. This is constant support for another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is the understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with your partner’s problems, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t want to.

This kind of love is more prosaic; it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not just another short-lived euphoria.

How to stay interesting

To do this, you should regularly expand your horizons, show interest in new events and people around you.

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You can become a fascinating conversationalist if you have a hobby. A passionate girl will always share positive emotions and amazing facts.

Please note that feminine themes are unlikely to interest your gentleman. He will be bored hearing about outfits, celebrity romances or gossip.

However, tips on how to communicate with a guy are only general recommendations, since each case is individual. The only thing you definitely need to follow is to preserve your own identity. In the process of interaction, gentlemen are attracted to bright individuals from whom they can learn new things.

Respect each other

This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not common goals, not religion, not even love. There will be times when you start to feel like you don't love each other anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won’t be able to get it back.

Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, will eventually reach a dead end in any case. Conflicts and grievances cannot be avoided.

The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without this, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices and try to limit his independence.

In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you won't feel like you deserve your partner's respect. You will constantly try to prove that you are worthy, and as a result you will only harm your relationship.

Never complain about your partner to your friends. If you are unhappy with something in his behavior, discuss it with him, not with friends and relatives.
Respect that your partner may have interests, hobbies, and views that are different from yours.
Consider the opinion of your other half. Don't forget, you are one team. If someone alone is dissatisfied, then we need to look for a solution to the problem together.
Don't keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You should not have taboo topics of conversation.

Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the basis of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, a feeling of closeness and peace cannot arise.

Be the one who will delight him

Many women focus their attention on the way they express love, but do not attach any importance to their own person. For a man, it is important not only how love is expressed, but also by whom.

Start loving yourself

It is quite difficult to love a person who does not love himself. If you are not a full-fledged person within yourself, then no man will be able to perceive you as a confident, worthy woman.

Self-love to a reasonable extent will make you a balanced, harmonious personality, but completely surrendering yourself to “sacrifice for the sake of love” will lead to disappointment and imbalance.

Pay attention to yourself.
Take care of your body and the body as a whole.
Have relaxing evenings and don’t let them turn you into a driven racing horse.

This video describes the five qualities that a man likes most in his chosen one. It is these character traits that a woman needs to work on in order to achieve a positive result in a relationship. Thanks to these practical tips, you can not only correctly present your feelings, but also preserve them.

Become feminine

Your loved one should not see you as a man. In our culture and folklore there are many proverbs and parables about a strong woman, so to speak, “she will stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut,” but no sane man would want to build a relationship with a “man in a skirt.”

All your actions regarding the expression of love should emphasize your fragile and delicate nature. Don't be afraid to show your loved one your weakness and helplessness. Let him be a protector in the house, your breadwinner and provider. This trait belongs entirely to the male sex, and therefore there is no need to claim it.

Quite often, husbands leave their wives and go to young girls precisely because they see in them such traits as courage, strength, caring, and protection. However, they do not pretend to take these positions and enjoy second place.

Take care of yourself

Your rich inner world is definitely important to him, but often he is not able to see it behind a dirty head, unkempt skin and a rumpled and awkward outfit.

Men, unlike women, love with their eyes. It is important for them not only to hear pleasant words, but also to see a beautiful “picture” in front of them. If you think that appearance is important only at the first stage of a relationship, then you are mistaken. Strive to delight your loved one all the time with your bright and beautiful outfits, well-groomed body and beautiful makeup.

Discuss all problems

If you are not happy with something, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing to maintain trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.

Share your doubts and fears, especially those that you don't tell anyone else about. This will help not only heal some mental wounds, but also better understand your partner.
Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
Learn to distinguish between your partner’s suspicious behavior and your own complexes. Usually during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while the other seems the same thing to be categorically wrong.

Trust is somewhat like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them back together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, eventually it will break into such small pieces that it will no longer be possible to glue them together.

Love at a distance

Love at a distance is just an illusion of a relationship, since in essence the woman is alone. There is no strong shoulder next to her, no protector, she only regularly sees his photo on the screen and expects that someday they will be together.

It’s one thing if you already live together and the man leaves for work (study, personal matters) for several months. And it’s completely different if you are “in standby mode.”

Now imagine what he is doing at these moments? That's right, he continues to live his life and perhaps even with a very real woman. And you are just his energy supply. He makes promises to you, says beautiful words, but when it comes to actions, he backs away.

Sometimes you receive flowers and gifts from him, perceive them as a miracle and an illusion of a normal relationship.
He is present in your life sporadically and does not perform the functions assigned to a man by nature itself.

If you consciously enter into such a relationship, you are agreeing to less than you deserve. Perhaps your fear of loneliness and self-doubt speaks to you? But, girls, while you are attached to a virtual image, you lose the chance to find happiness with a real man.

Don't try to control each other

We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship will only harm both of them in the end.

Each person should be an independent person with his own views and interests.

Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing him to control your own actions) will not achieve anything good.

Some are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. This may be due to a lack of trust or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner’s behavior.

A man must consider a woman's purpose 6

The task and dream of any representative of the fairer sex is to continue relationships in a family with children. If a man thinks that he doesn’t need this, then he shouldn’t give false hopes to the girl and immediately outline his priorities. If a guy is not going to marry a girl, then it is absolutely forbidden to live together and continue the relationship for more than 3 years, and after 30 years the probationary period is 1 year.

Since he has no right to take away a woman’s chance to become happy. Having learned that a girl is pregnant, a man should not, even if he does not want a child, offer her an abortion. In order to avoid this situation, it is better, of course, to protect yourself and take responsibility for your actions.

Be prepared for both of you to change

Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the changes taking place and treat them with respect.

If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.

Significant changes that many couples face include changes in religion or political views, moving to another country, or the death of relatives (including children).

When you start dating, all you know is what that person is like now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel correctly can help here.

Keep in touch

A sure sign of an imminent separation is the cessation of confidential conversations and communication. For her boyfriend, a girl should not only be an interesting person, but also a good friend. Therefore, try to become the person with whom your chosen one will talk about literally everything: cars, movies, music, parents, friends. Freedom in communication is the main thing that can unite and force you to show interest in your other half.

Learn to quarrel

Psychologist John Gottman has identified four behavioral signs that indicate a possible breakdown in a relationship:

Criticism of character (“You’re stupid” instead of “You acted stupidly”).
Shifting the blame.
Insults.
Avoiding a quarrel and ignoring your partner.

Therefore, it is worth learning to quarrel correctly:

Do not remember previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only make the situation worse.
If the argument gets heated, stop. Go outside and walk a little. Return to the conversation only when you have cooled down.
Remember, someone being right in an argument is not as important as feeling that you were listened to with respect.
Don't try to avoid quarrels. Express your concerns and admit what worries you.

Advice from psychologists

Most often, couples break up precisely because of the unwillingness to give in or give up their positions. Therefore, psychologists say: the main thing is not to try to dominate, not to make comments on any occasion, not to be boring or too annoying. Becoming “henpecked” is definitely not part of a man’s plans. His status is important to him. He cannot withstand the pressure and sees no point in continuing the novel.

Independence and attraction to each other at the same time, this is what an easy relationship between a man and a woman means.

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Learn to forgive

Don't try to change your partner - it's a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have differences, love the person despite them and try to forgive.

But how do you learn to forgive?

When the fight is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Leave all conflicts in the past, rather than remembering them every month.
No need to keep score. There should be no winners and losers in a relationship. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return.
When your partner makes a mistake, separate his behavior from his intentions. Don't forget what you value and love in your partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person made a mistake, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to break up.

Avoid controversial issues

Smart and wise ladies try to avoid all controversial issues. If you and your boyfriend have significant differences in your outlook on life, you need to accept his priorities or look for another gentleman. You can maintain a relationship with this, but in this case there is no need to sharpen the questions and find out which of you is more mistaken.

If you want to maintain a relationship with your loved one, you should not provoke quarrels or constantly make comments to the young man, pointing out his shortcomings. You love him, right? Then accept him as he is. Of course, if your only one has bad habits, you can’t put up with it. But you won’t be able to achieve your goal using a “frontal attack.” At best, you will create painful lumps in your soul, and at worst, you will kill all the good that exists between you and your chosen one.

Be pragmatic

Any relationship is imperfect, because we ourselves are imperfect. So be pragmatic: figure out what each of you is good at, what you like and don't like to do, and then distribute responsibilities.

In addition, many couples advise defining some rules in advance. For example, how will you divide all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What must you buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?

Some even hold “annual reports” during which they discuss business management and decide what to change in the household. This, of course, sounds trivial, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and wants of your partner and strengthens the relationship.

Remember the little things

Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things add up over time and affect how you perceive your relationship. That's why many people advise continuing to go on dates, going out on weekends, and making sure to find time for sex, even when you're tired. Physical intimacy not only allows you to maintain a healthy relationship, but even helps you fix it when something goes wrong.

This becomes especially important with the arrival of children. In modern culture they are almost worshiped. It is believed that parents should sacrifice everything for them.

The best guarantee that children will grow up healthy and happy is a healthy and happy relationship between parents.

So let your relationship always come first.

Preparation

In the rules of a serious conversation with a man, the emphasis is on preparing a conversation scenario and choosing a place. Another extremely important fact is timing. This is where the most common fatal mistakes occur. It is forbidden:

starting a conversation in bed/car - in the first case, thoughts on the bed should focus on love, but in the second, it’s simply not safe;
in a hurry - a man is getting ready for work/is late for a plane, and then his wife shows a desire to communicate, irritation, aggression, and subsequent “eating” of herself are guaranteed;
before dinner - the grandmothers used to say that a man needs to be fed, then talk;
together with another activity - you need a calm environment where both partners can concentrate, so repairing the sink is not the best time.

In general, a heart-to-heart conversation should be held in a cafe, restaurant, or while walking in the park. Anywhere, but not within our own walls. This will allow you to speak more quietly and control raging emotions. Preparation and speaking out the preliminary script, by the way, contribute a lot to this. Firstly, it allows you to formulate your thoughts precisely and not deviate from the goal. Secondly, think through actions for different turns of events. Well, first go through the stress by talking through what you have accumulated in order to be restrained and constructive.

Learn to catch the wave

Relationships can be compared to waves on the sea. Such waves represent various emotions, ups and downs in relationships. Some last only a few hours, others several months or even years.

The main thing is not to forget that these waves themselves practically do not reflect the quality of the relationship. They are influenced by many external factors: loss or change of job, death of relatives, moving, financial difficulties. You just need to catch the wave with your partner, wherever it takes you.

Benefits of an easy relationship

It is possible and necessary to be easy in a relationship with a man. The benefits are mainly received by the woman:

There are no restrictions on personal space. Being late at work or at a party is not met with reproach from the guy.
There is no constraint in the domestic sphere. An uncleaned room or a dinner not prepared on time will not cause discord.
Mutual distrust is eliminated. Freedom of action is not burdened by oaths of fidelity and eternal love. Jealousy eats from the inside - there is no ease in relationships.
There is eternal romance, love. A simple formula for love. Meetings imply preparation for impressions and surprises. This keeps lovers on their toes.
Regular sexual partner. There is a common opinion in society that an easy relationship between a man and a woman is free sex. Maybe. But it is the ease in relationships that pushes people towards each other. I want to meet again and again. This model of behavior in a union leads to happy marriages.

In addition, people who are not ready to start a family can easily end the relationship by mutual consent.