Age difference between man and woman in relationships

For many years, people have been concerned about the age difference between men and women. For some, a marriage between people of the same age seems ideal, others believe that the numbers in this matter do not matter. Contrary to the prevailing subjective opinion that taking a much younger or older person as a spouse is not a good idea, such unions still exist. Is there an ideal age difference? Below we will try to figure this out.

From this article you will learn:

Is there an ideal age difference?
Will there be an ideal family if there is no age difference?
What do different theories say about the ideal age difference?

Optimal age difference between a man and a woman

In most families created, the husband is 3 years older than his chosen one. A similar trend can be observed everywhere. And this is quite simple to explain - on a subconscious level, a person wants to find an equal person both in terms of status in society and in the development of intelligence. And here age plays an important role - you already have life experience, your worldview changes, and a person becomes wiser. With each subsequent marriage, men look for a younger woman as their life partner. As you age, you want to see a young and sexy young lady next to you. But there are also unions where one of the spouses is much younger or older. What will you think if you meet such a couple - an older man and a young lady? The first thought is that such an unequal marriage is futile, because it is built only on selfish interests. And statistics fully support this - marriages where there is too much age difference break up much more often than those where the partners are approximately the same age. But, as Pushkin said, all ages are submissive to love, so there are exceptions.

Ideal age difference

People have been trying to establish the ideal age difference in a couple for decades now. The most popular opinion is that the husband should be no more than 5-6 years older than his life partner, but many are convinced that the bride and groom should be the same age. First of all, when building a relationship, there must be feelings, and not the date indicated on the birth certificate. However, many believe that the age difference does not affect family relationships in any way. And proof of this theory is that there are a huge number of couples from different generations who live together for many years. At a certain age, each person develops a special view of family and relationships, some opportunities go away and others come in their place, therefore, depending on the age gap between spouses, relationships will be built that way.

Psychology

If the spouses are close to each other in age ranging from one to 3 years or even the same age (which often happens between former classmates), such a marriage from a psychological point of view has its undoubted advantages:

close age implies common interests,
the social circle of such spouses is the same,
psychologically it is easier for them to understand each other,
such a marriage may turn out to be long-lasting,
raising children together until they grow up is easier,
close age also implies commonality of temperaments in intimate relationships, although this is not necessary,
For a family where both spouses are young, it is easier to get a mortgage and pay it off over a long period of time.

Such communities also have their disadvantages :

As a rule, young families first experience financial difficulties,
the spouses have no experience of family life, on this basis quarrels, resentments, inability to spend money rationally are possible,
Often such families have housing problems, often they have to rent an apartment or live with their parents,
The lack of skills in raising children by both spouses can lead to improper development of the child as a full-fledged individual.

When spouses are the same age

In the USSR, marriages between peers were considered classic. This can be explained, because in those days it was considered correct that there should be equality between everyone, and the slightest deviations from the norm caused misunderstanding among people. A large age difference between a man and a woman was not welcomed either in social or personal life. Therefore, the age of the newlyweds was approximately the same, because this is customary. As a rule, marriages between peers are early. Most often, young people start dating in high school or college, and then decide to get married. Early marriages also have their advantages: common friends and interests, a similar lifestyle and worldview. Both carry the baggage of their life together on equal terms and at the same speed. But spouses of the same age will not do without difficulties, as they can get bored of each other very quickly. If the marriage is early, then problems will certainly arise due to insufficient money. The couple does not have an experienced partner who is ready to calm the hurricanes in the relationship - and this is fraught with rash actions, scandals and even betrayals. In families where spouses were born in the same year, infidelity occurs more often. Especially if the marriage took place too early. There may be several reasons for this - one of the partners is looking for consolation and support on the side, and it may also be basic curiosity due to little experience in the sexual field.

When the lady is older

There are not very many such couples, and stereotypes are to blame. Many women are afraid that with a younger partner they will look like a mother and son. A big age difference always catches your eye. Although in reality, guys find mature women very attractive.

Wealthy ladies rightly fear that young men are not interested in themselves, but in their money. Indeed, there are quite a lot of gigolos among the companions of wealthy women. But there are also men who are not afraid of a large age difference, and they enter into these relationships solely out of love.

Pros of relationships

To begin with, it is worth talking about the advantages of life for couples who were not afraid of the age difference and decided to have a relationship. The main reason why guys like older women is experience and sexuality.

An adult lady knows what she wants from a relationship and from a man, she is able to pleasantly surprise her young partner in bed and at the same time share invaluable knowledge.

Another plus is the viability of an adult woman as an individual.

She already has established interests, her own career and outlook on life. A girl over thirty does not need a man solely as a support and guide; there is always something to talk about with her, and not only on secular topics. Young ladies often irritate men with their lack of independence and uncertainty.

Even if the young man is not a gigolo, the fact that his beloved has his own finances will be a huge plus; the woman will definitely not sit on his neck and will not beg for money and gifts. If the relationship develops into a family, she will be able to create coziness in the house and a comfortable spiritual atmosphere.

Negative points

There is nothing wrong with being a mommy if both are happy with it and the woman sincerely enjoys taking care of her partner. But often a lady is looking for a young, active lover, and not a son, but the guys just dream of the personification of maternal love with sensuality to boot. If a woman needs a psychologically complete partner, the relationship will only irritate her.

If the age difference is up to 11 years, people do not feel like representatives of different generations, but this will still give the lady the basis for influencing her partner in certain aspects. Not all young people like the dominant role of a woman in a relationship, even if she is older.

If the difference is more than 15 years, conflict between a man and a woman cannot be avoided. Representatives of different generations can rarely find a common language. Often, mothers have an extremely negative attitude towards their sons’ partners who are so old, subconsciously reading them as competitors.

Young men, unnoticed by themselves, find themselves in the position of a subordinate.

Adult, independent women will, in any case, exercise power, as a result of which the man will understand that he simply exchanged one mommy for another, but all the prohibitions and rules remained the same.

Another negative point will be painful for the ladies. No matter how attractive a mature woman is, if she is more than ten years older than her lover, sooner or later he will begin to look at women his own age or younger girls, especially if he has not had sexual experience with anyone other than an adult partner.

Many women perceive this as a betrayal.

However, this is a natural, albeit offensive, course of things. Therefore, a lady who is no longer 17 years old should be ready to let her lover go with a light heart and not drive herself into complexes because of youthful libido.

When a man is older

A classic love relationship is when a man is older than his chosen one. But it’s one thing when the difference is not very noticeable, and another thing when it’s impossible not to notice the misalliance. Older men who are looking for young girls as wives can be understood. She has no children, which significantly reduces financial costs. She does not have much experience in sexual relationships, so she can try on the role of a teacher. And hugging a young body is much more pleasant. However, men are not always driven by mercantile goals; as a rule, love plays the first role.

A man 10-15 years older

Today the public is quite tolerant of family unions where the spouse is 10-15 years older than his partner. Stereotypes have already faded into the background. And a marriage can be quite strong! The man has already achieved career heights and does not depend on the opinions of relatives and friends regarding his personal life. He approaches the creation of a social unit very carefully - without unnecessary emotions, taking into account the peculiarities of female psychology. In a marriage with such an age difference, there are very few quarrels - the man already has experience in relationships, he is patient with the shortcomings of his wife and is able to resolve conflict situations without unnecessary problems. A girl in such a union is also happy - her man always supports her, she has a financial cushion for self-development and quality pleasure in bed.

A man 20 years or more older

Several centuries ago, the situation when very young girls were married to men old enough to be their fathers was the norm. Now this is nonsense and causes public condemnation. Just looking at such a couple, the thought appears that this is a cold calculation. Well, how can a young lady live under the same roof with an old man? Can there be love here? In fact, such a marriage can be beneficial to both parties. The wife admires her experienced and wise chosen one, and he enjoys the perky fun, feeding off her energy and taking care of her. But here it is important to understand that the age difference between a man and a woman will make itself felt after 10-15 years of marriage. A man with light gray hair becomes frankly an elderly man, but his wife will be in the prime of life. Therefore, the risk of betrayal is quite high.

A woman may forget about her dream of having a large family, as the years inexorably take their toll, and for many men, the chances of conceiving sharply decrease. And it’s not just about physiological characteristics - by the age of 40, many men already have children from previous marriages. Does he need to have several more children and put the burden of raising and supporting them on his shoulders? Scientists agree that different ages in a relationship can shorten the lives of both partners. And this is greatly influenced by the stress experienced by women and men - after all, they are constantly under the yoke of public condemnation. And this can negatively affect your health! The other side of the coin is that a man who has a young wife becomes younger in appearance, taking away the youth of his chosen one. But she, on the contrary, begins to grow old, as if on a subconscious level trying to match her beloved.

Is there a future for relationships in which the woman is much older?

From time immemorial, marriages in which the husband is much older than the wife have been taken for granted by society.
Let us recall, for example, Pushkin’s story “Dubrovsky,” in which seventeen-year-old Masha Troekurova is given as a wife to fifty-year-old Prince Vereisky. Or the famous painting by Vasily Pukirev “Unequal Marriage”, painted in the middle of the 19th century, when society suddenly became concerned with the issue of the powerless situation of dowry girls who were married off against their will. But in the modern world, the heroes of scandalous gossip columns or philistine gossip are increasingly becoming women of Balzac’s age, and sometimes of more respectable age, who have decided to throw in their lot with men who are old enough to be their sons. You don’t have to look far for examples: Alla Pugacheva, Lera Kudryavtseva, Nonna Grishaeva, etc. Has there been a replacement of social roles? Do modern men need women as mothers more than women as lovers? Or is it all about banal mercantile interests? Let's try to figure this out together with candidate of psychological sciences, psychologist Lyudmila Stepanova.

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— Lyudmila Grigorievna, why have unequal family unions recently been gaining popularity not only in celebrity circles, but also among ordinary people?

“I’ll try to dispel a popular myth right away: relationships in which a wealthy mature lady takes a handsome young man under her wing, fulfills all his whims, and he takes advantage of this and twists ropes out of her, are not always purely mercantile. This option exists, but in modern society, men more often prefer older women for completely different reasons.

Firstly, a mature woman is a self-sufficient person. It doesn't require you to do everything together all the time (go shopping, meet friends, etc.). She will not be offended, “blow her mind,” or suffer over trifles (for example, a broken nail). If her loved one wants to go to football with friends, she will let him go without complaints or scandals. And at this time she herself will arrange gatherings with her friends or read an interesting novel. There will be no hysterics or hanging up the phone on her part, which cannot be said about younger women.

Secondly, if a woman is ten years older than a man, then she is most likely already established professionally and has managed to achieve some success by climbing the career ladder. A good job allows her to be financially independent and not require financial support from her husband. But many girls first of all evaluate their partner as a breadwinner: is his income high, is it enough not only for a comfortable existence, but also for fashionable outfits, vacations at prestigious resorts, so that he can proudly post his photos on Instagram and wipe away nose to girlfriends?

Thirdly, a mature woman is frank and honest - she will not play the game “guess why I was offended by you,” but will immediately say everything she thinks. She will not throw a tantrum in a public place; on the contrary, she will calmly (perhaps even with humor) react to any behavior of her chosen one, and then in a quiet atmosphere she will make it clear where her beloved was wrong.

Fourthly, you can talk to mature women on any topic, because they are usually well-read and intellectually savvy. And most importantly - they

Woman 3-5 years older

Marriages where a woman is several years older than her husband are quite happy, especially if they are concluded at a fairly mature age.

The advantages of such a marriage are:

the desire of the wife to look sexy and young in order to match her beloved;
wisdom and life experience that allow you to solve problems that arise in everyday life with minimal losses;
peak sexual activity in the wife, satisfying all the needs of the young husband.

At the same time, the young lady cannot always treat her young husband with common sense, accept his shortcomings and recognize him as the head of the family.

The disadvantages include:

excessive suspicion and jealousy towards a young partner;
the desire to solve all problems independently and be a leader in the family;
increased risk of adultery on the part of a lover.

However, there are many examples of successful marriages with such an age difference. Especially in cases where adults and financially secure people who have the same interests and plans go down the aisle.

Woman 7 years older

If the age difference is 7 years, the man practically does not notice such a difference, especially if both spouses are over 30 years old. The union can be called ideal - the partners hold hands tightly, walking along the path of family life. A woman is wiser than her husband, she has life experience and is able to gently guide her husband to achieve heights. This is a happy marriage! Moreover, in order to match her young husband, the young lady takes more care of herself and adheres to a healthy lifestyle. And what difficulties lie ahead if a woman is much older than her beloved?

Woman 10 years older

Such marriages are quite rare. And this is very simple to explain - most men at any age are looking for younger women. It is a natural instinct to prove to himself and others that he is a male and is capable of winning an attractive girl. Older ladies lose in this case. Many married couples, where the wife is 10-15 years older than the husband, achieve harmony in love. Some gentlemen are quite happy with being led - they admire their more mature companion and listen to her advice. And the woman, in turn, feels loved and needed. But alas, problems cannot be avoided. A lady often becomes too suspicious, suspicious and jealous - after all, there are so many young rivals around who are capable of taking away their loved one! It is understandable that this causes some concern. And over time, it becomes more and more difficult to hide wrinkles. And here there are only two options for the further development of events - either the man comes to terms with the shortcomings of his beloved, continuing to love her immensely, or he goes in search of a younger passion.

Young husband and older wife: 3 potential problems

Despite the fact that a man may be more comfortable in bed and more interesting with an older woman, such unions also have three common nuances that a couple may encounter.

Condemnation of society

If you and your beloved are happy with each other and want to get married, you should not be stopped by the opinions of others.

However, alas, it is very likely that you will (more than once) hear negative statements from close and unfamiliar people regarding your union, especially if in it the wife is 20 years or more older than her husband. You should be prepared for this and not allow other people’s prejudices to affect your relationship.

Inability to have children

The modern level of medicine helps a woman give birth to a healthy child at both 30 and 40 years old, but when the wife is 15 years or more older than her husband, you should discuss the issue of procreation in advance.

M+F Why doesn't a woman want children, and what should a man do? Main reasons and tips Why does this happen and what can you do?

Do you both want children? Will it be safe for your loved one to go through pregnancy? Are alternative options such as surrogacy or adoption right for you?

Specifics of sexual life after menopause

Menopause or menopause is a period of physiological changes in the body during which a woman loses the ability to have children. As a rule, it occurs at age 50, although there are exceptions and it can happen later or earlier.

In some cases, the onset of menopause can temporarily negatively affect sex life due to decreased libido levels. In addition, the woman begins to experience vaginal dryness, but this problem is easily solved with the help of a lubricant, and with it, the quality of your sexual intercourse should not be reduced.

Woman more than 15 years older

The desire of a mature woman to become the wife of a young and attractive chosen one is quite understandable, because she wants to feel young, loved and beautiful again. Middle-aged ladies can attract a gentleman with their life experience, knowledge and well-groomed appearance. But it is far from uncommon for men to walk down the aisle out of selfish interest in relation to a financially secure and successful sweetheart. Similar stories can be found in the yellow press and they are usually associated with media personalities.

Such marriages have their disadvantages:

total control and jealousy on the part of the spouse;
condemnation by society;
differences in hobbies and interests;
financial component of the relationship;
sexual temperaments do not match.

What determines a man's choice?

A man in a relationship with a younger girl receives powerful bonuses. He takes what his warrior nature feeds on, which is exactly what the strong half of humanity is by nature.

The following reasons for male choice can be identified:

Delight;
confession;
energy;
emotions.

When a young woman sees only positive qualities in her companion, he receives constant emotional reinforcement. A man is unlikely to receive such admiration from his wife, with whom he has been married for 10 to 20 years. She has already become acquainted with the other side of the coin.

Peer wives tend to criticize, point out shortcomings, show rigidity, and dominate. The young girl doesn't do that. She looks at her senior partner with admiring eyes. Receiving recognition, it is as if he gains wings to fly.

Read How to decide to divorce your husband

Youth is free from the shackles of responsibility and routine work. She is light and cheerful. The girl shares with the man youthful energy, a feeling of carefreeness, which gives the opportunity to see everything in bright colors.

The taste is not dulled by experience. Every detail evokes surprise, a feeling of unusualness. The girl thanks the man for any positive action towards her with a vivid emotional assessment. In other words, it gives everything that the partner needs.

Woman 20 years or more older

Every woman wants to feel attractive and desired. This is what motivates a young lady when she starts a relationship with a gentleman much younger than herself. Such a couple is a vivid example of a “mother-son” relationship. The woman takes care of the young man, often providing him financially. An interesting and mature lady can turn the head of an inexperienced young man. But such a union is doomed - the young man, having gained experience (and mostly sexually), will soon leave for his peer. And if a guy lingers in the bed of an aging lady, then most likely there may be mercantile interest here, or he is controlled by the Oedipus complex.

Does different age in a relationship have an impact on marital satisfaction?

Psychologists identify several factors that are important to understand for lovers entering into marriage with a large age difference.

1. Such relationships are only good at the beginning. Those who decide to build a relationship with a younger partner receive greater satisfaction at the beginning of the relationship than couples of the same age. This conclusion was reached by experts from the University of Boulder, which is located in Colorado. This means that in a family where spouses have an age difference, idyll will reign only at the beginning of the novel. But how long happiness will last depends on other indicators.

2. Men get more satisfaction if their wife is younger than him. Have you ever wondered why men prefer girls younger than themselves? Researchers have proven that men experience greater satisfaction with a younger spouse. There is probably a connection here with the attractiveness, youth and sexual activity of the young passion.

3. Ladies also get more satisfaction in a union with a younger life partner. Most women prefer more mature men. But studies have proven that, similar to the case with men, satisfaction from a marriage is much higher if a young lady marries a lover younger than herself. This may be due to attraction, shared values and goals.

Intimate life

Sexual life with a partner 10 years older has both positive and negative sides. At the beginning of a relationship, there is an explosion of emotions. A man gets a second wind, which has a positive effect on the intimate life of partners. However, time makes its own adjustments.

Sex can be compared to food. It can either be tasty or not. With age, potency decreases, most rapidly after 32 years. A young husband is ready and able to provide a varied sex life, unlike an older partner.

Find out the secrets: How to excite a man so that he wants you madly.

Relationship satisfaction declines after 6-10 years

As a rule, after 6-10 years of marriage in families where there is a large age difference between partners, the level of satisfaction begins to decrease. The reason for this may be the partner’s reaction to difficulties that have arisen, for example, layoffs at work. For example, couples where the spouses are the same age make decisions more consistently. This concerns the birth of children, expenses, and therefore they are more prepared for financial difficulties. And vice versa, because of money problems, accumulated tension spills out and the incompatibility of couples of different ages is revealed.

Test: “Will a marriage be successful if the spouses have an age difference?”

Are the partners’ intentions serious and what underlies them – a casual affair or shared family values?
Do spouses receive physical and emotional satisfaction? Are they faithful to each other?
Is the “young” cell of society ready to solve problems arising from public condemnation?
How are your relationships with the chosen ones’ relatives and friends?

If you answered yes to most of the questions, then the reliability of the marriage is beyond doubt. If the answers are negative, you should worry about its stability.

Whatever family analysts, numerologists and other specialists promise you, listen to your inner voice. There will be difficulties in any relationship, the only important thing is whether the couple is ready to overcome them. Those around them must clearly understand that it is wrong to be judgmental of happy families just because there is an age difference between the spouses. Such stereotypes often become the reason that spouses themselves stop believing in their feelings. Remember - true love can overcome any obstacles!

Find yourself a “daddy” and get married

Psychologists say, and parents and friends repeat them with pleasure: if a man is older, then a woman is definitely looking for a “daddy.” This is not true. More precisely true, but not always and without serious analysis this is just a superficial judgment. So what can actually motivate a woman who chooses older men:

Well, yes, he’s looking for “daddy.” Sometimes. When the relationship with your own father is very bad or, on the contrary, very good. In any case, we cannot say that this is the only reason. Sometimes the relationship with the real father has nothing to do with such a couple;

experience and ability to care, as well as many other pleasant bonuses that younger men can provide only if they push themselves very hard (financial stability, a complete lack of desire to shift their problems onto fragile female shoulders and much more);

the ability to manipulate a husband with the help of youth and beauty is a well-known misconception of many young girls. Men with life experience know that neither beauty nor youth will last forever. They are wise enough to give the girl the feeling that her game is succeeding. True, they will play along as long as it is profitable, such is the psychology of men in love.

In any case, ask yourself the question “Why do I like older men?” It is only necessary when this choice brings problems and suffering. In other cases, it does not make sense, as does the question why, for example, blondes are liked more than brown-haired people, tall people are attracted more than short ones, and sometimes a small tummy is aroused rather than athletic “cubes”. The answer to all these questions is “Because.”

A more detailed answer can only be obtained with the help of a professional psychoanalyst, if you delve into early childhood memories. There it may turn out that the love for tall blondes with a small belly arose from the love of Santa Claus, who always gives out gifts if you have been a good girl all year.