Our life consists not only of holidays and positivity. Sometimes it is shaken by scandals, feuds and disagreements. After negative emotions have been poured out and the mind has cooled down, we ask ourselves the question: how to make peace after a quarrel. And most importantly, do this as comfortably as possible, without humiliation and entreaties.
It doesn’t matter whether the conflict happened yesterday or has been going on for years. Perhaps time does not heal, but the resentment remains and does not provide a path to reconciliation.
How to make peace with your loved one if it seems like there is no chance of being together read here >>>
I am sure that such an unpleasant situation has happened to each of you at least once in your life, when you are in a quarrel with a loved one. There are cats scratching at your soul, and you sincerely want to improve your relationship.
And it seems like the fault is not yours and in your heart you have forgiven the person, but something is preventing you from resolving the conflict.
Or perhaps you want to make amends for your own guilt and start communicating again with the person you once accidentally offended.
If you are interested in how to make peace after a quarrel with your husband or girlfriend, or you are worried about how to make peace with your parents, read this article.
I have collected several techniques for you that will help you get out of the conflict beautifully and with a light heart. Establish relationships with loved ones quickly and harmoniously.
You don’t have to humiliate yourself, be the first to make contact, or give up the idea of renewing communication.
You just need to calmly follow my recommendations from this article. And very soon, you will establish relations with the conflicting party.
These bombing techniques are versatile. They will help you establish relationships with any people:
- Parents
- Girlfriends
- Beloved
- Colleagues
- Management
- Neighbours
- Former
Any!
But first, you should calm down and accept the situation. Do not under any circumstances overwhelm yourself with thoughts:
- After this, he will not forgive me...
- I will never make peace with this man, we are now enemies!
- No, I will never be able to forgive him, after what happened!
- We haven’t communicated for ten years, now there’s definitely no sign of reconciliation...
- She hates me, too much has happened.
Please remember that there are no hopeless situations, do not worry that you will not be forgiven or that it will be impossible to establish contact with the person.
Believe me, absolutely any conflict can be resolved, you can improve relationships with any person even after the craziest quarrel.
It is within your power to turn even an enemy into a best friend.
Therefore, if anything from the list worries you:
- How to make peace with your ex
- How to make peace after a quarrel with your loved one
- How to make peace with your husband
- How to make peace with a friend
- How to make peace with your mother
- How to make peace with your father
- How to make peace with your parents
This article is definitely for you.
It's time to stop worrying about your relationship with someone and remember the terrible details of the conflict after which you said “NO to reconciliation.”
I want to prove to you that reconciliation is possible, even inevitable, if you follow my recommendations.
So, let's go!
Step-by-step instructions for everyone
To improve relationships after a quarrel, you need to build the right line of behavior. If you immediately behave in the wrong way, you can completely ruin everything. Psychologists advise taking several steps towards reconciliation.
Step 1: Don't run away
Even after a serious quarrel, do not run away from a person, even though at that moment you may literally hate him. The maximum that is allowed is to go into another room. Otherwise, leaving may be regarded as a point in the relationship.
Step 2. Calm down after an argument
There are a lot of techniques on how to calm down. For example, drink water or do some simple breathing exercises. Or open the window and take a deep breath of fresh air.
Step 3: Ask for forgiveness
Apologize for being at fault, for shouting, for misunderstanding your opponent, for behaving inappropriately, for offending. There is always something to apologize for. You just need to do it sincerely. And then, regardless of the answer, smile.
Step 4: Distance yourself
Only after this will it be appropriate to leave if you do not live together (but after explaining in advance that you really need it), or to do things around the house (by offering to help your opponent). Do not return to the topic of the quarrel. Take a pause from several hours to 3 days to calm down and objectively assess the situation.
Step 5: Restore good relationships
At this stage, it’s time to appease the person with whom the quarrel occurred, especially if you are to blame. Methods of reconciliation will be discussed below.
Step 6: Solve the problem thoroughly
After reconciliation, have an open but calm conversation and discuss the cornerstone that caused the quarrel. Try to find a compromise, make concessions. The voice should be soft, calm the interlocutor, think through your arguments in advance so as not to accidentally offend him. And most importantly, control yourself. If you feel that the conflict is flaring up again, stop the discussion and pause again.
Many people skip the last point, afraid to return to a sore subject, lest a new scandal break out. This mistake then backfires: the problem, along with the remaining resentment, does not disappear, but grows like a snowball. And next time she may destroy the relationship. Therefore, promptly resolve all difficulties that cause conflict situations with loved ones.
On topic: Quarrels in relationships
Dove of peace, where are you going?4
Reconciliation will not be easy. Even if your partner is an easy-going, cheerful person, in the first days after a quarrel it is better to refrain from attempting contact. The exception is when steps are taken towards the “victims” themselves in a quarrel.
You don't need to do the following:
- Say standard phrases about “realized my guilt, extent, degree, depth”;
- Unfoundedly promise to improve;
- Annoy your partner with calls and SMS if they no longer communicate with you
Things work better. For example, they quarreled over her love of attending all the parties in this Universe and cheekily dancing on the bar counter while very drunk. She really realized, and began to go to the gym and decent bars in the evenings, where they drink a glass of wine and talk, and not dance half naked. After this event, you can make peace.
Or his wife stopped talking to him, because he has been promising to start walking with the child for a whole week, but instead he sits with a friend on a bench, drinks beer, and the child sleeps next to drinking and smoking men in a stroller. He takes the stroller and really starts walking, without a cigarette, beer, friend, or third parties.
Methods of reconciliation
Someone goes through all 6 steps described above in half an hour (most often these are lovers). Others need several hours to cool down (parents and children, for example). In some situations, the pause may last for several days (this usually happens with non-blood relatives).
Making peace after a quarrel is the most difficult thing. But, if this person is dear to you, you will have to do it. Psychologists will tell you exactly how. There are several universal methods that are suitable for absolutely everyone, regardless of who you had a fight with.
Words of reconciliation (you can combine 2-3 phrases at a time, but no more, so as not to overdo it):
- Forgive/excuse me please.
- I am guilty).
- I shouldn't have done that.
- I don't want to quarrel with you anymore.
- I care about our relationship.
- I'll try to improve.
If both understand humor well, you can make peace using humorous phrases:
- They say life is boring without quarrels. Maybe we'll finally get bored?
- Let's make up before we forget why we quarreled.
If words were not enough or you did not have the opportunity to say them, you will have to move on to more decisive actions so that reconciliation after a quarrel happens faster. Universal methods suitable for any occasion:
- send a message (SMS, instant messengers, social networks);
- write a letter (electronic or by hand);
- make a message live through a radio station if you are sure that the person is listening to it at that moment;
- invite to a reconciliatory dinner;
- give a gift.
When choosing methods, keep in mind that in some situations it will be enough to apologize, while in others you will have to write a whole poem with explanations. Try to correctly assess the conflict and find the best option.
If nothing works out and you really want to complain5
Remember that you are not in school. Mom won’t pat you on the head and say that the neighbor’s boy is just a bully, and his behavior - pulling pigtails, constantly calling him names, and not letting him pass - is not appropriate.
Relatives can become a catalyst for deepening the quarrel. If all the relatives know that on Wednesday evening the husband, instead of taking out the trash and taking a walk with the child, came home and went to bed, probably drunk, this will not make anyone feel better. Reproaches from relatives and escalation of the conflict will not help the family “somehow strengthen.”
Need to talk? Write to an anonymous psychological support forum, or start writing short stories on a blog. This works much better than telling your girlfriends in every detail the story of your life and misadventures with your husband, all his friends and relatives.
How to make peace with a specific person
Methods of reconciliation largely depend on who exactly you had a fight with. Therefore, sometimes you have to act based on this circumstance.
With parents
If your son has a fight with his dad, it’s enough to talk like a man, admit your mistakes, and show that you respect his age and life experience. If this happened between a daughter and a father, everything is simpler - gently hug, kiss, promise that you won’t do this again. You are allowed to cry a little.
A much more serious situation arises when a quarrel occurs with the mother. Women have a harder time moving away from conflicts than men. Explaining something and proving your point of view is clearly not a suitable way to reconcile with it. The son can buy flowers, invite her to a cafe, devote the weekend to her. Daughter - ask for life advice, call for tea, distract with everyday issues.
If you want to make peace with your parents, allow them to be with their grandchildren. And if you don’t have a family yet, be sure to spend time with them, and not 2-3 hours, but 1-2 days. Go to their dacha, visit mutual friends, take a walk - remember your childhood. This will definitely melt their heart.
With grandma or grandpa
Old people become very vulnerable and touchy with age. This is definitely something to keep in mind. Don't expect to be forgiven right away. Give them time. But don’t be idle yourself. Try different options. Ask for forgiveness, hug. Didn't they melt? Surround them with attention and care: help around the house or in the garden, sit with them at the TV, try to talk about abstract topics. One of the most effective ways is to ask them to remember something from the past, if you are willing to listen carefully and for a long time.
With mother in law
Ideally, it is better not to start quarrels with your mother-in-law at all, because making peace will be incredibly difficult (in most cases). But this is also possible. Rule #1 - Stop seeing her as an enemy. Rule No. 2 - put yourself in her place: what would you do? Find at least some justification for her words and actions. After that, after a pause (2-3 days), buy her favorite cake and invite her over for tea. As an option, let me babysit the grandchildren, take them away for the weekend or overnight. Finally, let your husband go fix her faucet or dig up her garden. You know better what she will be delighted with.
With a boyfriend or girlfriend
If the usual words of reconciliation do not work and asking for forgiveness is useless, in friendship one must act as in war - with the help of a frontal attack. Why are friends needed? That's right: help. Create a critical situation and ask them for help. For example, your fiancé left you before your wedding. Or your car stalled on a deserted highway. The emergence of a new problem will force you to forget about the quarrel for a while, make peace, calm down, and then, if necessary, return to the cause of the conflict.
It’s easier for men: just invite a friend to go fishing or to the bathhouse - and consider that there were no misunderstandings. It would also be useful for girls to adopt this method - for example, inviting a friend to the spa or shopping.
With daughter or son
It is easier to make peace with sons as men. We need to pause and talk openly. Arguments, facts, everything is clear and to the point - in a word, a constructive conversation can dot all the i’s. It will be more difficult with a daughter, because due to female psychology, she can screw herself up, become very offended, and not talk or make contact. Ask her to help with the housework, sit with the grandchildren, offer to go somewhere together. Common activities and worries will distract you from unnecessary thoughts, and it will be easier to make peace.
Psychologists categorically do not recommend that parents put up with their children through blackmail or deception (“Come, I have a bad heart”). When the truth is revealed, the relationship may be ruined forever.
With your loved one or beloved
Universal methods of reconciliation for lovers of both sexes:
- leave a message on the pavement in front of your loved one’s window: [Name], forgive me/love you/you’re the best;
- record an audio apology or short video;
- order a cake with words of reconciliation;
- get a massage;
- arrange a trip together.
How to make peace with your girlfriend/wife:
- invite you to dinner at a restaurant;
- give flowers;
- make a cute gift like a teddy bear;
- invite you on a date to the cinema;
- take on part of her responsibilities around the house and raising children.
In the end, after a big fight, if you are very guilty, but under no circumstances want to lose her, make a beautiful gesture of reconciliation that she will remember for the rest of her life: buy an engagement ring and propose. Sometimes this is the only way to save a relationship.
How to make peace with your boyfriend/husband:
- cook his favorite dish, organize a romantic dinner by candlelight;
- ask for help in a matter that requires purely male strength;
- make a gift in accordance with his hobby (fishing rod, video recorder);
- buy beautiful underwear;
- give him a bunch of compliments and convince him that he is the most ideal.
It’s easier to put up with your other half if there is love in the relationship, which is ready to turn a blind eye to a lot. On the other hand, you should never go beyond what is permitted, otherwise you can lose everything, and then no methods will work.
On this topic:
- Quarrel with a girl
- Quarrel with a guy
Normal folk wisdom about quarrels2
It is not customary among people to wash dirty linen in public, that is, to discuss conflicts with a partner with neighbors, parents and friends. This is a good option if we are not talking about psychological or physical violence.
Popular wisdom does not work if:
- The cause of the quarrel was the severe and constant disregard for the interests of one of the partners;
- The essence of the problem is the constant humiliation of only one person, and not the difference in interests;
- The conflict reached the point of physical violence
Any assault, even “in jest,” should not go unnoticed. Unfortunately, psychologists are unanimous here - the injured party must pack up their things and leave the person who could lead to a fight in a quarrel. Of course, in our country, domestic violence is not something out of the ordinary, but here we must clearly understand that if a person considers it acceptable to hit a partner, then he will continue to do it again.
In cases where the cause of the offense was something not terrible, for example, they quarreled to death over what concert to go to on the weekend, you should not call all your girlfriends and friends and create a group on Viber called “My husband is a social phobe with bad musical taste."
And if passion has simply faded in your relationship, when you don’t even have sex with your wife, then you should take our advice from the next article.
Not a bad way out for independent people8
Do they both understand that they want to make peace, and they need to somehow overcome the conflict? You just need to sit down together and formulate your complaints in writing. Preferably point by point. No personalization.
You need to start with the words “I feel that...” And not “you are so and so.”
Next, you should exchange letters and respond, also on paper. Why bother with paperwork? This will help you concentrate on the problem and solve it thoughtfully, and not just talk, quarrel and break up again.
Which side is the ball on?
It is not always possible to clearly establish whose fault the quarrel occurred. To one degree or another, the conflict is the fault of both participants. If the instigator of the quarrel is a girl, then the initiative for reconciliation is hers. Putting up first is not a sign of weakness. In this way, you not only take responsibility, but also show maturity and do not hesitate to recognize the importance of the relationship with the man you love.
But if he is to blame for the disagreement, not every girl has enough worldly wisdom, tolerance, or simply the desire to initiate the process of reconciliation. But if you show generosity and make it clear that you are willing to accept an apology and open a dialogue, a smart man will certainly jump at the opportunity to improve the relationship.
First steps after the conflict
It is not necessary to go for reconciliation after a quarrel. In some cases it is even harmful. The pause after a quarrel can be used to analyze the situation. A useful technique is to write your emotions on paper.
The ability to switch is a useful skill that helps not to make a mistake in the heat of a quarrel. You can do cleaning, go to the cinema, meet friends, clean up the house.
When passions have died down, it’s time to think about finding a solution to the problem. The simplest thing is to write on a piece of paper all the possible options that come to mind, then analyze what the consequences of each will be.
And again it doesn’t work?9
Those who had a “hard fight”, do not communicate, and have no option for contact, must find him, but carefully. Let time pass, passions subside, and your spouse or partner stop reacting painfully. And then it will be possible to talk, find out what caused it and not do it again.
An exception may be treason. No matter how much we are called upon to forgive wisely for the sake of our children, blocking a cheater or cheater on social networks, stopping answering calls, throwing away things, and filing for divorce is the norm. Not all people believe that betrayal can be survived.
Of course, many act in the spirit of “I love...” and try to “forgive”, but you need to take a different point of view. It is justified, especially if the other party to the conflict continues to ignore moral standards.
Give a pleasant surprise
Sometimes this is a completely good solution. Moreover, the opposite side rejoices not so much at the offering, but at the attention and the first step. This technique helps when the quarrel involves close people who can afford a familiar attitude. Unexpected gifts are suitable for mitigating mild conflicts - family conflicts that arise on everyday grounds.
But if the situation is more difficult, it is better not to give anything - this will most likely be perceived as ingratiation and will cause rejection. In the latter case, there is a risk that the person will not take anything, and the quarrel will only take new turns. In general, be guided by the situation.
Path and stomachs6
Advice from the area of “domostroy plus” says that you should definitely prepare a bunch of food and try to seduce a man with it, even if you don’t feel like cooking, but have a great desire to knock a frying pan on your husband’s head.
Why shouldn’t you follow the “house-building” advice? So the subconscious of the other side of the conflict will finish everything itself. In appearance, she will seem to want to return everything, strengthen and make peace, but in her heart she will become furious over the need to get up at 6 and fry damned cheesecakes for a person who doesn’t even remember what they had a fight about.
Use radio services
For example, a good song will pave the way for reconciliation. It is enough to know your favorite composition, the performer of a loved one - music lovers will especially like this. This solution is suitable for friends or family, that is, for those who are willing to make concessions.
Music will certainly melt the icy resentment and will be an impetus for the resumption of communication. This will also demonstrate that you know other people's tastes and remember them, no matter what. And this is always highly appreciated!
Several ways to bounce back after a fight and establish contact with each other.
Disputes and disagreements are part of any relationship.
We all have the right to our personal opinion. Healthy competition in the family, at work, among friends, etc. helps strengthen ties if it does not develop into war and does not cause pain. A quarrel for normal people is an opportunity to take a step back and see the problem through the eyes of the opponent, and then find a compromise and return to a happy balance. However, sometimes it is easier said than done. When ego comes into play, reconciliation is much more difficult. Even if you and your partner have reached an agreement, a serious fight can put the relationship at risk. It may take time for romance and affection to be restored. Here are some effective tips to help restore harmony after the “big fight”.
Take control of your feelings
The best option is not to escalate the situation and not take it to extremes. After all, most often, in the heat of the moment, you can accidentally offend a person, without even setting such a goal. It’s hard to restrain yourself at first, but at some point it becomes a habit. Start controlling your feelings and thoughts right now, and you will be surprised how dramatically everything around you will change.
This technique can also be used during a quarrel: if you have a constructive conversation, the interlocutor will automatically switch to a calmer, more restrained tone. As a result, neither side will add wood to the flaring “bonfire”, and the dispute will gradually fade away. Then there will definitely be no grievances and the need to go out with a “white flag” will disappear completely.
Good advice is not in our tradition7
There is such a profession - family psychologist. In the civilized world people go to him to improve relationships, if kittens really improve them. It helps the parties to the quarrel to begin to communicate with each other again without accusations or any scandals.
A psychologist is the way out when the situation snowballs, you can’t somehow restrain yourself, and the conflict is so great that it smacks of separation.
Important: this should not be a friend of one of the partners or spouses. What is needed is a third party. If “there is no money,” write together on the psychological help forum, or call the hotline. But not friends, mothers and girlfriends.
