Some people are characterized by naivety, which can be called childish. They remain open throughout their lives. But there are also individuals who prefer to keep their distance even from loved ones. You can also meet people who don’t trust anyone. Naturally, in some cases you should not open your inner world. After all, there are those who can use the information received.
When you learn another lesson from life, you can simply close down. And then the question arises: how can you trust a person if he is capable of striking at any moment? This is exactly what will be discussed in this review.
Why is this necessary?
Every person needs love and sincere and real care. We all need attention. And not ostentatious, but real, and preferably permanent. What to do in such a situation? There is a way out of this situation - we must learn to trust.
Naturally, no one talks about childish naivety. Thoughtlessly opening up to everyone you meet is not recommended. This should be approached responsibly, “like an adult.” It is necessary to consider some advice from psychologists that will help you understand how to trust a person.
What is the reason?
It is necessary to understand why distrust of people in general arose. Whose integrity do you doubt? Perhaps everyone you know is distrustful, or maybe only men or women. Or there is a certain group of people.
In most cases, a person closes down because of a sad experience, because of some event that he cannot forget about. Memories regularly make themselves felt, causing pain and causing mistrust of certain people. In this situation, it is worth understanding that unpleasant events are usually associated with one person, and not with all acquaintances as a whole. And, in principle, you shouldn’t expect any trick from them.
Apologies
Express your remorse. Be sincere. It will be quite a long journey to repair the damage. Do everything you can to let your partner know how supportive your partner is.
The tips listed above may work. But there must be a willingness to try, be sure to do what is necessary, and, of course, have a mutual decision that the relationship is worth saving.
It all depends on the person. What to do next?
Interlocutor analysis
Take a closer look at who you communicate with. Before you open up, you need to understand what your interlocutor is like. This is especially true when you communicate with members of the opposite sex. Naturally, everyone needs great and sincere love. However, it is necessary to understand that ideal people do not exist. In life you can encounter any person who has not only positive, but also negative sides.
How to trust a person? When communicating, you need to be guided not only by your own feelings. Take a closer look at the character and actions of your interlocutor, study his manner of behavior. There should be no unjustified hopes. Try not to expect from a person what he is not able to give.
Such a position should be a priority not only in relationships, but also in business activities. Naturally, you need to trust people. But first you should collect information about them.
Definition of trust
Trust is a unique psychological category that is inherent only to humans. And it means this type of open relationship between people, in which the inner world of the subject is characterized by a willingness to endow another person with certain rights. Trust is by no means an abstract concept (for example, like humanism or justice); it always arises as a result of relationships between people and is something personal.
For more on this same issue, read:
- What is the easiest way to forgive betrayal and restore trust?
- Is love possible after betrayal?
- How is training in communicating with people useful?
It’s not for nothing that we often hear the phrase: “Trust must be earned . And these are not just empty words, human psychology is designed in such a way that, in order to protect himself, a person is in constant fear that he will be betrayed, used or set up and, as a result, he cannot open up to a new friend or lover.
As a rule, this process is especially painful if the guy or girl has been burned before, and someone did not live up to their hopes. Therefore, you can often hear the question: “How to learn to trust your husband?”
Good memories
Why doesn't a dog trust people? Because she was treated poorly in the past. This fully applies to people. Quite often, our trust is affected by memories, experiences and life lessons. Moreover, in our actions we strive to rely not on positive, but on negative events. In this situation, psychologists advise changing the vector of attention.
How to trust a person? Start remembering pleasant moments, think about acquaintances that caused positive emotions. Most likely, you will still have a few good acquaintances in your life.
Pleasant memories can set you on a positive wave. Over time, you will stop seeing only traitors and throw off the image of a victim. Can people be trusted? Of course you can. To do this, it is enough to get rid of unpleasant memories.
Get serious about rebuilding your relationship.
How valuable was the relationship that ended in cheating to you? If the first passions
After you find out about the betrayal and have settled down, ask yourself the following three questions:
- Am I ready/willing to interact with her/him despite what happened?
- Do I still love her/him?
- Am I ready/willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this crisis in the relationship?
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These are complex questions that cannot be answered immediately, offhand. warm feelings and respect left in you
, which could become the basis for restoring relations. Ask yourself, for example, are you able to have fun together and share each other's company most of the time?
If you answered “yes” to all of the above questions, then, despite the long and difficult path left behind, it makes sense to make an effort to move forward together
. If you are willing to dedicate your lives to each other, if you are sincerely willing to work together to figure out the situation together, then the chances remain that will allow you to overcome these difficulties together.
If you accept this, then you need to move on. There should be no indecisiveness. Now you have a simple choice - all or nothing
. If you hesitate, then you are not ready to restore the relationship.
There shouldn't be any shortcuts
You shouldn't label people. We are all different, we may be in a bad mood, and sometimes not the most pleasant events happen in life. As has already been said, no people are perfect. Therefore, you should not think that everyone around you wants to take advantage of you.
Why don't people trust? Perhaps they see only competitors and enemies around them, and in every smile they manage to find ridicule of themselves. This position must be abandoned. Try to get rid of prejudices, stop labeling everyone you meet. Give people opportunities to be their best selves.
Control over feelings
Perhaps you have experienced betrayal in the past. And now you want to protect yourself from such events. That is why caution comes to the fore when meeting people. Naturally, negative emotions do not disappear. They are waiting for the right opportunity to prove themselves. And such an opportunity arises when we meet. Thoughts begin to appear that this person too will betray over time; you cannot trust him. In such a situation, you are controlled by past grievances.
Psychologists do not advise forgetting that it is you who should react to the events happening around you, and not those negative moments that once happened in your life. Therefore, you should not be led by your own feelings; decide for yourself exactly how events will develop.
Set the record straight
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When betrayal occurs, this event is perceived as a disaster - nothing less. Emotions run high, a stream of mutual accusations begins, which develops into some kind of long-term military conflict
. However, nothing in this world happens for nothing. Everything needs a reason. And to clarify, we need to dig deeper.
Did something happen between both you and your partner that should have been addressed sooner, but was ignored?
Talk to your partner. Try to figure out what happened and why. You may be bursting with anger, no doubt, but if you really want reconciliation
, you MUST learn to listen to each other. The answers that are heard in such a dialogue often allow you to get to the bottom of that very first wormhole that appeared in your relationship long before the betrayal.
Cheating itself is just a symptom (and not the only one), but not the main problem.
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It is very important that both sides show a desire to start this dialogue - open, honest, although very painful. In other words, both sides
must be sincerely interested in:
- clarify what happened;
- be ready to re-concentrate the efforts that are necessary to rebuild the relationship again.
If this does not happen, then your relationship will surely die, agonizing in a flood of pain, regret and resentment.
They can't be trusted!
Some people cannot be trusted under any circumstances. Otherwise, there will be more negative moments and betrayals in your life.
- It is not recommended to believe liars who have lied more than once and have been caught doing so. It is necessary to understand that slander is a form of lying.
- Does a person make promises and not strive to keep them? You shouldn't trust him either. Remember that attention should be paid not to beautiful words, but to the actions and behavior of a person.
- Psychopaths, emotionally unbalanced people, individuals who are unable to control themselves - you cannot trust them either. You can expect anything from such people, since they are not able to think rationally.
- A person is not worthy of trust if he has negative feelings towards you. It is difficult to identify such people. However, there are some signs. One of them is envy. If a person is jealous, he will be angry at your successes and achievements. In such a situation, trust can lead to dire consequences.
- You should not open up to a person if he has previously committed bad deeds and is not going to repent of it. For example, they cheated on you, but did not admit guilt. In such a situation, you can be sure that nothing will change. If you forgive such a person, he will begin to cheat again.
Collaborative therapy, why not?
In some cases, rebuilding trust through work and activities may be too difficult. In this case, joint therapy has its own regulations.
A qualified specialist can solve issues that are difficult to solve on your own, sitting at home, talking over a bottle of wine and asking: “Was she better than me? Tell me everything! I want all the details." In fact, nothing is clear, but there is no need to go into it here.
External help is an invaluable tool. It's important to know how to navigate the rockiest roads. And that's exactly what you need in the transitory moment you're dealing with.
Who can you trust?
Naturally, there are people who should not be trusted. But quite often there are those who will not betray. You need to trust such people. What character traits do they have?
- You need to trust honest people who strive to tell the truth and do not lie in their own interests.
- There are people who only talk but don't act. However, if a person keeps his word, you can trust him. Naturally, it is not always possible to fulfill the promise perfectly. But if he does do what he promised, you can trust him. And you shouldn’t pay attention to small mistakes.
- Calm and correct individuals who know how to keep their emotions to themselves, think with their heads and show adequacy in difficult situations are worthy of trust. Such people will be reliable in any relationship, you can always rely on them.
- You can trust those who do not wish you harm, who sincerely rejoice at any achievements and appreciate you.
- What does a person you can trust look like? We all have our shortcomings and vices. But if a person wants to change for the better, cope with his negative character traits and constantly works on himself, he can be trusted.
Attempts to define the concept
Psychologists explain the concept of self-confidence in different ways. Some believe that this is the ability to perceive your needs and desires as the greatest value. Although, as for me, this is rather evidence of self-respect and self-love.
Others are sure that only an honest person who does not engage in self-deception can have confidence in himself. Still others believe that this character trait arises under one condition - when the conscience is clear. Fourth – when you manage to accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses.
What do psychologists advise?
You shouldn’t constantly keep everything under control, you need to learn to trust other people. Yes, you can, you are used to being responsible for everything and feel responsible. However, as soon as you loosen control, great relief will immediately come, life will be filled with new colors, and time will appear that you can spend on yourself. And all this can be achieved by starting to trust people.
Allow those around you to make mistakes, because they are not perfect. Let them learn and take responsibility for their own misdeeds on their own. A person is capable of making mistakes, so he must be given a chance to improve.
