The ability to communicate correctly with people is one of the key skills for a top manager. Most people who run successful companies speak well and know how to lead people. I think it's something like natural selection. Charismatic leaders know how to find words that resonate with the audience, ignite people - their mood rises, they want to be better and follow them.
There are many good communicators among both men and women. Women tend to be better listeners, while men sound more confident. But regardless of gender, innate abilities and status, each person has his own strengths and weaknesses in communication. Missing competencies can be developed. In addition, they will be useful not only in business, but also in everyday life.
Firm handshake
A weak handshake says it all. It says that a person is afraid to express himself, afraid to show his feelings, emotions and himself in general. A person with a weak handshake is not perceived as a strong person because he is afraid to express his opinion for fear of getting a negative reaction. And his hands begin to sweat from fear.
But no one wants to shake a slippery dead fish instead of a hand. If your palms tend to sweat when you're worried, then use a simple life hack. A few minutes before the meeting, go and run them under cold water. Blood flow is normalized. And when you shake hands, you will have warm, dry palms.
What does a strong handshake do? It gives a person confidence. A firm handshake, upright posture, and eye contact greatly increase your chances of winning your interlocutor's favor non-verbally.
Respectful sitting position
If you lean back in your chair with your legs crossed, your interlocutor will interpret this as a sign of neglect or disinterest. You should also not carefully and modestly occupy the edge of the chair; such a position will convey your lack of self-confidence.
Instead, try sitting as if there was a rope tied from the top of your head to the ceiling. Sitting up straight is a sign of intelligence, confidence and trust in yourself and your interlocutor. If you want to demonstrate your affection to a person, you can even tilt your torso slightly in his direction, but your back should still remain straight.
Eye contact
It's all in the look. People with shifty eyes appear distracted, frightened, and sometimes even liars. While maintaining eye contact isn't always easy, luckily there is a simple method for maintaining it.
Imagine that your eyes are glued to the eyes of your interlocutor like soft and viscous toffee. You don't have to look him straight in the eye all the time, just maintain eye contact periodically. If you stare, it will seem like a provocation or a hostile challenge.
What does eye contact do? He shows that you have nothing to hide, you are not afraid to look him in the eye, you are on an equal footing with him.
Flat back, straight posture
Your parents were right when they constantly scolded you for slouching. A straight back and straight posture indicate that you value yourself and are ready to cope with the situation. In stressful situations, the human body begins to shrink and slouch. Unconsciously, a person tries to appear smaller or hide altogether. And this is not without reason, since in the case of real danger, a small target is more difficult to hit or may not be noticed at all.
Over time, the habit of hiding from everything and lack of self-confidence gives such a shrunken posture. And correcting a slouch is difficult, but if you're motivated to make a confident impression through your body language, you'll be up to the task.
Smooth and calm speech
When a person is worried, he begins to chatter like a machine gun, because he is afraid that he will be stopped, interrupted and not allowed to speak out. However, they will listen to you more carefully if you stop trying to say everything quickly and quickly in one breath. Firstly, not everyone can absorb information at such a speed. And, secondly, this is how you show your insecurity.
Therefore, slow yourself down a little. Slow down your speech when you start chattering, let it be smooth, with micro-pauses. By doing this, you show that you are confident that you will be listened to fully and that you have the strength to express your opinion.
Energetic and confident gait
Not everyone can walk with energy and confidence. Some people have a shuffling gait, timid and sluggish. Of course, we will not always be able to control it, especially if a confident gait is not typical for us, but we can do this intentionally in order to interest ourselves.
Walking may seem like a small thing. But we form an impression of a stranger even before he approaches us. And gait plays a big role here, namely, what kind of energy it carries.
Hands in the interlocutor's field of view
Sometimes it's hard to know what to do with your hands, especially if you're a bit of a nervous person. I just want to hide them somewhere so that they don’t flicker under my eyes. And as a result, a person begins to hide them behind his back, in his pockets, or cross them, taking a closed pose. Thus, he pushes his interlocutor away from himself. He seems unfriendly, closed, and also insecure.
It's important to keep your hands visible so you don't look like you're hiding something.
Avoid positions where you appear to be on the defensive and in a defensive stance. Do not cover yourself with your hands, do not hide your palms.
Traits of Charm
A ray of inner warmth and light immediately manifests itself in charming people. Natural charms are different from artificial ones. Smiling eyes, a soft and gentle voice, an open look, a genuine smile, smooth gestures are characteristic of charming people. But, in addition to these traits, a person conquers and wins over people with his optimism, honesty, sincerity, kindness, delicacy, calmness, and cheerfulness. Many people are attracted to these people, with inner harmony and spiritual integrity.
To win people over, each person should remember some things:
- Charm comes from the soul . Under no circumstances should you pretend and put on a mask of “friendliness,” smile unnaturally, or praise everyone and everything. At one point this will be recognized. Sensitive people recognize lies, secrecy, and deception more quickly than non-sensitive people. An insincere person will not “win” the hearts of people. A person is charming if he is not a “whiner”. A large number of people are drawn to positive, optimistic people. Of course, there are people with innate optimism, but there are also those who want to change their minds and believe in all the good things. It is not possible to become an optimist right away, so prohibit yourself from touching on negative topics, negative expressions, and words when communicating with other people.
To become charming to people, you need to understand them, delve into their souls and identify their positive sides
- You need to realize your individuality . If each person accepts and loves himself as an individual, then he will love the people around him. He must value his own personality, then he will appreciate the individuality of others. Know about some characteristic traits of charming people. Friendly people are not complex, calm, not prone to imitation, self-sufficient, tactful and friendly. These traits present in the character are immediately noticed by the interlocutor and appreciated by him.
- You need to be able to listen to your interlocutor . People who do not value live communication develop a special way of conducting conversations. They do not listen to the interlocutor, but only pretend and wait until it is their turn to talk. “Charming people” attract people like magnets, because they listen with interest and attentively to their interlocutor, show patience with his affairs, worries, problems and allow him to speak out to his fullest.
- The harmony of the internal and external image is important . If the first impression of a person is positive and it is interesting to talk with him, then further communication occurs favorably, easily and naturally. When meeting, a person's appearance is really important. But this does not mean that you need to dress in expensive clothes and constantly do incredible hair and makeup. Clothes and hairstyle should match the mood, which will be conveyed to others, and they will be able to see charm, responsiveness and self-sufficiency in your personality.
Ask an unexpected question
Give your interlocutor the opportunity to look at the topic of your discussion in a new way. Journalist Valery Agranovsky in one of his books told how, while trying to interview a taciturn specialist, he asked his interlocutor how many steps he took during a work shift.
Another time he had to do an interview with a physicist who asked him to send questions in advance, but ready-made answers would not give the feeling of a live conversation. And so, when he came to the meeting, Agranovsky saw diagrams on the board and asked why atoms are always drawn in round shapes, and not in rhombuses, for example. The physicist thought - why, really? The question piqued his interest and became the starting point for an exciting conversation.
How to learn to win people over
“Major success is made up of many planned and thoughtful little things,” wrote historian Vasily Klyuchevsky. There is a misconception that a first impression can only be made on a person you have not previously met. In fact, we make the first impression whenever we meet someone after a breakup. There are always nuances that distinguish you yesterday from you today. They are the ones who give you the chance to once again make a new impression on the people you know.
The psycho-emotional state of a person is constantly changing. Having broken up with someone yesterday, today you meet him in a slightly different state. He also does not perceive you as yesterday. There are always nuances that distinguish you yesterday from you today. They are the ones who give you the chance to once again make a new impression on the people you know.
The first thing that a person who meets you reads is the pole of your mood: whether it is positive or negative. If you are optimistic and positive, this can be read immediately. Therefore, when meeting people, try to be in an optimistic mood.
Positive emotional attitude
A charming person is always optimistic. Remember that every person lives with a burden of problems. We all want to throw off this burden at least for a while, straighten our shoulders, breathe freely and look into the future with confidence.
These few minutes of relaxation are provided by a conversation with an optimistic, joyful and active person. This is a great recharge.
Always maintaining a positive emotional attitude is not so easy. It's easy to be optimistic when everything around you is going well. However, no matter what troubles happen, try to maintain a positive attitude. Consider that the world is a strategy game, your relationships with others are continuous maneuvers, and you are a commander. Your shelves are your thoughts and feelings. As a commander, it is your responsibility to control them. Otherwise, they will scatter under the onslaught of the enemy and you will be an eternal prisoner of circumstances.
To prevent this from happening, maintain hope for the best, confidence and joy. How can this be done practically? Look for the good in everything, even in the saddest circumstances. With this approach, you will become an incorrigible optimist, which others will highly appreciate.
Let your interlocutor know that you like him
Most people are very complex - even those who seem to us the embodiment of emancipation. The most important complex that a person experiences is the fear of dislike. The fear that others will not love us is hidden deep in the subconscious.
The problem is that love is an energy-consuming feeling. You need to devote time and energy to your loved ones. Therefore, people often protect themselves from love: they are afraid of the costs. They are afraid that they will spend everything, and they themselves will have nothing left. This is the mistake, because the main law in love is: the more you spend, the more you get back. Therefore, do not be afraid to love, do not be afraid to spend yourself - it will come back to you a hundredfold.
When people meet for the first time, they always shrink internally in order to be ready to repel the manifestation of dislike from the interlocutor. This is the compression you must overcome. There is only one way to remove your counterpart’s defenses - to love him and let him know it. You are not required to have one hundred percent, absolute love. Love him at least a little. Well, is there something good about it? This is good and you will love it.
Love does not always begin with admiration (for example, beauty). Love very often begins with empathy. The interlocutor has a dull look - it means that something is wrong in his life; looks tired - tired, didn’t get enough sleep, etc. Sympathize with him, encourage him - with a look, a handshake, a smile. Radiate warmth. He will feel this and stop shrinking internally, stop defending himself from you.
Give people a good reputation. If they think well of us, we are pleased. We will try to prolong this feeling and match it. Therefore, spare no effort to let your interlocutor know: you respect him; you are sure that he is a decent, intelligent and responsible person. This can be done not only directly, but also through third parties.
Help your interlocutor save face
The second fear that is present in every person, in addition to the fear of dislike, is the fear of disgrace. Shame is not shame at all: one becomes ashamed only later, and even then only to people with a developed sense of guilt. People for the most part are afraid of being exposed to shame; They are afraid to do something in the company of other people that will attract too much attention, cause condemnation and censure.
Helping your interlocutor save face means freeing him from the fear of shame. How to remove this fear from your interlocutor? The best way is to embarrass yourself. Not globally, of course, but in small ways. Cause some kind of misunderstanding that will make you look a little stupid. A little awkwardness will not lower you in the eyes of your interlocutor, but he will stop being afraid. He will relax and sympathize with you, and sympathy is not so far from sympathy.
What is petty shame? Pure trifles: a dropped handkerchief or pen; an awkward movement that results in something unimportant being broken or torn. This all takes seconds, but it has an effect on the interlocutor. Fear goes away from him, he becomes more relaxed and disposed towards you.
Show generosity towards your interlocutor. Be forgiving of other people's mistakes. Don't get annoyed if you have to wait for someone or if the person breaks a promise. If you respond with understanding, he will feel obligated to reward you.
Don't push your partner into a corner
Freedom is not the ability to do whatever the left leg wants. Freedom is the ability to make choices in a given situation.
Every minute we make a choice. Deprivation of freedom is deprivation of choice. Never take away freedom from your interlocutor. Don't put him in a situation where he has only one choice: do what you demand. This has an extremely negative impact on the negotiation process. You can force a person to do something by force (not only by force, but also by manipulation). But at the same time, you will make yourself, if not an enemy, then a strong ill-wisher.
Therefore, in any way, let your interlocutor understand that he has the widest choice. He is free in his decisions, you respect this freedom and will accept his decision, whatever it may be. If a person feels free with you, he will most likely want to meet you halfway.
Don't belittle your interlocutor's status
Every person has his own dignity. He considers himself to correspond to his concepts of the norm. This norm does not depend in any way on education, position or influential connections. This norm is a complex set of behavioral stereotypes that have developed as a result of upbringing and life circumstances. You can determine this norm for another only if you know all these circumstances. This, as you understand, is an impossible condition.
All you can do is show the person that you accept him for who he is.
It’s one thing to maintain the social status of your interlocutor, show respect for his merits, and fawn over his position. It is quite another to accept his human status. This is especially difficult in cases where a person is proud of his social position. This indicates that his human status is low, he feels this and tries with all his might to compensate for this deficiency with other factors. How to make it clear to your interlocutor that you accept his human status? Treat him as an individual.
Give only good news
Do not take on the role of a messenger announcing misfortunes. If circumstances force it, it is better to delegate this role to someone else. Be sure to report the good news yourself. If there is no such news, organize it yourself.
How to organize good news? It's not that difficult. You need to know a little about the character and hobbies of your interlocutor. For example, you know that he loves the work of some group. Find out when this group is coming to your city, and unobtrusively tell him about the concert: “Today I read that group “N” will be with us in June.” You delivered good news and also built an additional bridge of trust: you made it clear to your interlocutor that you have common interests.
Remember that good news can come in different forms. These are not always events and facts. It's always nice to hear that a person you consider an authority spoke positively about you. Use this technique: convey positive feedback.
Do your favors
“Major success is made up of many planned and thoughtful little things,” wrote historian Vasily Klyuchevsky. How many significant events, grandiose decisions, grandiose actions have you had? Life itself consists of little things. Provided and thoughtful little things will lead you to your desired goal. One of these important little things is courtesy. It can also be called reliability.
Don't you like this word? Are you afraid that if you stop refusing, they will “sit on you and go”?
Don't be afraid of reliability. We are rarely asked for something truly complex that requires a lot of time and effort. Courtesy is fulfilling a small request. We hear many such requests every day. We ignore most of them because we consider them unimportant. Try to start fulfilling these requests.
You will be surprised how much others' attitudes towards you will change - and how others' opinions of you will change. They will speak of you as a very good, friendly, kind person. Public opinion is a weapon of enormous power. It’s not so easy to slander or trick a kind person. Show favors and you will gain many well-wishers.
Keep what you promise
Another important little thing is a promise. There is probably not a person among us who does not have a single unfulfilled promise in his soul. An unfulfilled promise is like a worm that has settled somewhere inside and is gnawing. It may be small and unnoticeable. But every time we remember him, we somehow lose heart. A promise is like an open window through which heat and energy come out. Until we close this window and fulfill our promise, the energy will go away.
If you want to become a strong person in every way, always keep what you promise. Is it difficult? Incredibly difficult. But it's still possible. To do this, you just need to monitor your emotional state and language. What are most of our promises? This is either an excuse - “yes, yes, I’ll do it, just leave me alone” or bragging, for the sake of a catchphrase. It is not surprising that promises made thoughtlessly often cannot be kept.
Therefore, develop emotional and verbal restraint. But if you promise something, do it. This will help you achieve two important goals. Firstly, you will stop wasting energy: your “windows” will close and your inner strength will begin to grow. You will even feel better physically. Secondly, you will gain a reputation as a man of his word. People around them listen to such people very willingly.
Force public opinion to side with you
Public opinion is a powerful lever of influence. Public opinion cannot be neutral. It either works for you or against you. The two previous recommendations were precisely about how to win over public opinion.
Indeed, showing favors and fulfilling promises, being a man of your word are excellent means to secure the favor of people.
But there is one clarification: first of all, try to do this for those who themselves have authority in society. This advice may seem somewhat hypocritical to you. Of course, every person is an important component of public opinion. However, the word of an influential person can outweigh the testimony of dozens of other people. Remember also that an influential person and a boss are not at all identical concepts. Nikolai Nikolaevich Obozov
- Doctor of Psychology, professor, teacher at the North-Western Academy of Public Administration, expert at the Elitarium distance education center
Main conclusions
- Sincere interest and sympathy for a person is the basis for building good relationships.
- Communication skills can and should be improved constantly.
- The impression created at the first meeting is very important: it can lead to long-term cooperation or, on the contrary, make it impossible.
- A warm smile, attention and interest in the interlocutor will help you gain favor at the first meeting.
- Be kind, find common ground, and make the person feel important. This will help you gain trust and build good relationships.
Secrets of charm
Internal energy
The result of the state we are in at this stage is vital energy. There are two states in which a person resides: need and dignity.
To be afraid to lose, to fail, to make mistakes, to worry about other people's opinions of us, to be dependent on others is a state of need. In such a mood, we are completely uncharming and people feel this and understand well the worries, doubts, suspicions, anxieties.
To love and respect yourself and the people around you, to get involved in an interesting activity, to feel happiness and delight is a state of dignity. In other words, kind, lively emotions, a positive outlook on life, self-confidence are virtues. This is the state in which we endear ourselves to people and look especially attractive.
Enjoying dating, cheerfulness and cordiality
When talking with people, we are not uninterested in the opinion of the interlocutor. If his face does not express any emotion, it means he is bored or indifferent to the conversation. If the interlocutor’s face expresses positive and lively emotions, we also enjoy talking with them. So be friendly, friendly, open. Smiling. Make a positive impression on people by smiling. But do it sincerely, because a fake smile can be felt. A smile can transform a person's appearance, revealing his charm and inner beauty.
Human eyes
It’s not for nothing that the eyes are called the mirror of the soul, because with their help you can guess what kind of mood a person is in, how he is disposed towards the interlocutor and how he looks at the world.
An angry look in the eyes does not make communication favorable and friendly. A wary look indicates a person's distrust of you. In this case, protective measures are forced to be taken. And how pleasant it is to have a conversation with people whose eyes glow and emit kindness, jubilation, warmth, and cheerfulness. With sincere and smiling eyes, you will become captivating and inspire the sympathy of many people. Sincere compliments. Flattering and pleasant words are like gifts, because if they were given with a big heart and love, they become priceless to you. If you want to give a compliment, do it. And accept praise gracefully.
Attention and concern for the interlocutor
At the beginning of a conversation with your interlocutor, do not talk about your ideas and assumptions, because this will interrupt communication and turn him against you. Be interested in the opinion of a friend, comrade or new acquaintance, ask about their opinion on a particular issue. Give people the opportunity to understand their importance and appreciate them. Do this openly, honestly, sincerely, without flattery, and you will see how you win people over.
Benefit people with sincere words, positive actions and deeds, and you will become the most charming. Do good and the world will be favorable to you!
Compliment
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“A compliment is a kiss through a veil.” (Victor Hugo)
This sign of attention is always appropriate if done sincerely and on time. He always gets to the goal and works flawlessly. Even if not a single muscle moves on the interlocutor’s face, his heart will certainly soften.
Dale Carnegie on how to give compliments correctly:
“Compliments are best given to specific things, such as well-chosen clothing, a person’s achievements (in anything), behavior, thinking.”
Let me give you examples:
- “You became a master of sports - this is very worthy and prestigious, I think it deserves respect.”
- “You speak very beautifully! I would like to learn from you."
- “What a good son you raised. What's the secret?"
