Ivan Vdovin
509 1 2
Basically, I will immediately answer the question: how to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. The psychology here is that in any situation, you cannot always and everywhere be calm and confident. IT IS FORBIDDEN!
You don't have to read any further, I answered the question. But what to do to become the most confident person possible is another matter. I will talk about this below, but unfortunately, not everyone will do this.
It's impossible to be calm without it
Look, if you take any non-standard situation of a person where he feels insecure, do you know what can save him? Humor and self-irony. I believe this is the most important key that will allow you to be calm, at least in most non-standard situations that you manage to find yourself in.
What does humor mean? Well, for example, you are standing to defend your thesis in front of an audience and a commission or in another public place. You are very worried and it is normal to worry. And imagine that you ironically tell a joke about your anxiety and thereby defuse the situation not only around you, but also within yourself.
“The voiced jamb is not a jamb.” What does this phrase mean? The fact is that if you voiced your problem and showed other people that you are aware of it, then it is no longer a problem, but a small problem.
Psychologists would NOT want you to know these secrets about yourself
—Imagine this situation...
What if, instead of paying for years for useless consultations with a psychologist, in 21 days you can work with yourself? Get rid of negative thoughts and states forever. And instead live a calm and happy life? Stop living in stress due to relationships or constant lack of money?
Tell me this is impossible?
I thought so too, until I started working with myself
LIVING HAPPY IS EASY
My name is Ivan, I am 35 years old, and I have been practicing psychology for 15 years. I have studied all the basic methods and techniques through which I help people find happiness. NLP, hypnosis, body-image therapy. I was invited on television as an expert.
And it was... just a nightmare!
I lived in a state of depression for 7 years (constant stress exhausted me). I had a lot of low self-confidence (my self-esteem was below 0). I could not calmly communicate with people, it seemed to me that I was not worthy of them.
The relationship did not work out (because I was very negative, jealous, a doormat). I’m generally silent about decent earnings; I earned 15,000 rubles a month and thought that was the limit. I didn’t want to live... Envy.
The worst thing is, I thought I would have to live like this forever, and I don’t deserve love and happiness.
But it only got worse, negative states fell on me like a snowball. It felt like I was sitting in a deep, black hole from which there was no way out. Hopelessness, despair, pain, resentment.
My life has turned into endless torture. But then a miracle happened...
I FOUND THE KEY... EVERYONE HAS IT...
One day my father came home from work, a little drunk, although he never drank much.
He came into the kitchen..., looked at me with a dissatisfied expression and began to say with anger how worthless I was, how I couldn’t do anything, and in general, how sorry he was that he was my father.
At first I felt severe mental pain (this is very painful to hear from my family). Then I got offended (does that mean I’m not a favorite son?!) And then an insight came to me...
I received that magical kick that I had been waiting for all my life. It changed my thinking, my life and my relationships with my environment.
I had already forgiven my father simply because he told me the truth and I was happy about it!
But then the most interesting thing began...
Literally 5 minutes later I was already sitting at the computer and writing out all the psychological (!) methods of working with myself.
I was even confused, because my plans were to continue to suffer all my life.
It was such an incredible feeling of freedom and desire to do something that I burst into tears of happiness.
THE MAIN SECRET OF HAPPINESS
If you think that you cannot change your life, become rich or successful, or create a happy relationship - you are mistaken!
You can change your life by changing your thinking and the main thing is to do it EASILY!
• 5 simple and powerful methods of working with yourself (they work even if you use them incorrectly) - You don’t have to turn to psychologists, you are your own psychologist.
• “The secret method” of working through any negative state. This will allow you to eliminate the negative and switch to the positive in 5 minutes.
• 15 minutes a day - Just 15 minutes a day to change your life 180 degrees. Become happier and more joyful.
• Saving up to 100,000 rubles in 1 year - You will save on trips to a psychologist, and spend the saved money on a vacation by the sea.
• 21 days – It only takes 21 days for you to see changes in your life. You will start smiling. Wake up with joy.
DOWNLOAD THE “GUIDE TO CHANGING YOURSELF” FOR FREE
For 7 days, access to the “Guide to Changing Yourself” will be free, everyone can download it from Telegram using the button below.
PS If you want to say “thank you” to me, just download the guide and start using it every day.
PPS How about becoming happy today? =)
An example from my life:
When I was young, I met a girl, invited her to a cafe, we sat and talked, but suddenly she suddenly stood up and left. To be honest, I was a little freaked out, my pride and self-esteem were below not only the baseboard, but also the floor itself.
Still, I became bolder and asked her a question: why did she leave? To which I received the answer that my ear was dirty and that meant I was dirty and not washed.
And you know, what’s interesting is that I’m not a dirty person, but at that time my ears often hurt and I couldn’t clean them with cotton swabs, I could only use my fingers, but it wasn’t thick enough.
So, the girl thought that I was all so terrible and disgusting, but in fact, it turned out that it was just my illness at that time. Of course, I told her about my otitis media, but she still apologized. But we never saw her again.
What was done after?
I met another girl and went to meet her, but before I met, I told her that I had otitis media and if my ear was dirty, I shouldn’t worry. The girl, accordingly, took it normally and there was a happy ending, a wedding and three children. NO, I lied, we just talked, met and ran away.
Tip #6. Analyze your personality
To improve your life and remove dependence on other people’s opinions from it, you need to analyze your own personality. This analysis must be conscious, adequate and objective. Under no circumstances do you carry out an analysis just to punish yourself once again and prove to yourself that you are an insignificant and worthless gray mouse.
Take the position of an outside observer and try to “catch” those obsessive feelings and thoughts that you fall victim to again and again. Pull these thoughts and feelings out of your subconscious and break them down into atoms until they no longer negatively affect you and turn your daily existence into sheer torture!
From early childhood, adults convinced us that good boys and girls should not be angry, angry, irritated or anxious, because some strange aunt or some equally strange uncle might not like it. To prevent these strange adults from being offended by us and thinking badly of us, we must constantly smile and do everything possible to please the people around us.
Comfortable, pliable (plasticine is a stone compared to them!) and dependent on the opinions of others, boys and girls grew up and became adult men and women who still believe that only terrible, disgusting, spoiled people can experience negative feelings and emotions and monsters undeserving of love and respect. And although many people understand that children's attitudes have nothing to do with the reality around them, they continue to believe that public opinion significantly influences their own lives.
But will the Sun stop shining if your lifestyle does not evoke any positive emotions in your neighbor? Will humanity cease to exist if you do what you want, and not your friend? Someone else's opinion is just another person's opinion. Do you have anything to do with this opinion? No way!
Quote for inspiration from Neil Donald Walsh:
Where does self-doubt come from?
All people cannot always be confident in every situation. This is impossible! Even Elon Musk will feel insecure in a village toilet, this is normal. We feel confident where we feel comfortable. And when we leave our comfort zone, that’s where our worries begin.
Accordingly, there are concepts of confidence and excitement. It’s anxiety, aka fear, that prevents us from feeling comfortable. And as we know, fear is just an emotion that can be worked through. Usually fears are in the chest. What does it mean to process emotions?
The fact that you feel fear in adulthood means that you learned to be afraid in deep childhood, which means that the situation from childhood can be worked out so that you stop being afraid in childhood. Accordingly, if you stop being afraid in childhood, you stop being afraid in adulthood. It’s easier to say with the fashionable phrase “Close the gestalt”
In total, we get that our whole life, namely: relationships, success, earnings, health, love, confidence is laid down in childhood from our parents and environment. But this does not mean that we will follow in the footsteps of our parents; if we turn to a psychologist, we can direct ourselves in a different direction.
Example from life:
My father is a drinker, and he drinks out of boredom, if he doesn’t drink enough. Although I can understand him, his parents left him early and he was left an orphan at the age of 10. Whether it’s good or bad, it doesn’t matter, unfortunately, this happens. And usually, people whose parents leave early feel severe mental pain that they cannot cope with on their own.
But children, they are always altruists, they try to take the pain away from their parents and thereby help them cope with the pain. But unfortunately, children doom themselves to suffering by taking on someone else's pain. Because a person himself must cope with his emotions and problems.
So I was such a child who picked up the negative states of my parents and walked through life with it, as I walked, crawling on my knees. With such baggage, it is impossible to talk about success and a happy life until all this is worked through.
I lived and suffered until I met a good psychologist who explained it all to me and helped me work through it. Thanks to him.
So, when I freed myself from my parental conditions and programs, I was able to independently walk through life with a confident step. And you can if you want. You can become whoever you want!
Tip #3. Be the person you have always dreamed of being!
Do they judge other people by themselves? Some psychologists insist that this statement is true, while others insist that it is a blatant lie and a shameless provocation, but everyone agrees that someone else’s opinion of a person is very rarely based on his own real beliefs and actions. The fact is that every person you know has a certain opinion about you, which does not always correspond to the real state of affairs.
All your dentist knows about you is that you are a patient and polite patient who always refuses anesthesia and endures the worst toothaches. The hairdresser, to whom you once made an appointment for a haircut and were dissatisfied with his work, will think that you are a capricious and eccentric client with unruly hair and a terrible character.
Each of the people you know knows you only from a certain side. Your nearest and dearest people will not be able to fully understand you, since each of us has our own special qualities, which, like the dark side of the Moon, no one will ever see. That is why only you know exactly who you really are and what set of positive and negative characteristics you possess.
Develop your strengths and constructive sides, fight against weak and destructive qualities, always, regardless of other people's approval or censure, act as you want, and simply become the person you have always wanted and dreamed of being!
Quote for inspiration from Pythagoras:
What does it mean to be calm in any situation?
This means that you perceive everything around you as friendly. I have another way that will help make everything around friendly, but more on that below.
Imagine that you have the feeling that everyone around you loves you? Respected? Do they appreciate it? Are you accepted for who you are?
It would be cool, it’s a pity that not everyone can do this, but personally I can. I am a sophisticated person and can easily change my perception of the world and of myself to the world.
You are also capable of this, but you need to get rid of the burden of the past, from a negative perception of the world to a positive one, which is why it is important to work with a psychologist.
Guide to changing yourself.pdf Subscribe to INSTAGRAM
Tip #4. Understand that you can't please everyone
Each person has his own internal philosophy, his own principles, beliefs and outlook on life. Therefore, it is simply impossible to please everyone without exception. Some will admire your way of life, while others will be disgusted.
If you arouse antipathy in someone, then you should not take it personally, because there have been cases in your life when some complete stranger aroused negative feelings in you. There is no need to worry about this, get upset, constantly replay the same situation in your head and think about what you need to correct in yourself in order to earn the approval of this person.
Don't waste your precious time trying to live up to other people's expectations. Live your life in a way that makes you comfortable, and allow other people to follow their own path.
Don’t forget that other people’s opinions should be viewed through the prism of dynamics, not statics. At any moment, this opinion can change in the most dramatic way. Many people give up their initial judgments very easily. And if yesterday your action evoked admiration and approval from someone, today approval can turn into censure. Therefore, it does not matter what other people think about you, because it does not affect your life in any way.
Quote for inspiration from Mikhail Litvak:
A way to make everything around you friendly
The method is quite simple, but it needs to be trained constantly. Look, you are in some environment where you feel unconfident, uncomfortable, out of place, afraid that you will be judged or laughed at.
Imagine that a clean, light, sparkling, golden stream of energy begins to flow from your chest area. And start filling everyone with this energy. You will immediately understand that you are doing the right thing, as soon as you feel the warmth from other people, you will feel comfortable and cozy.
Tip #7. Start getting rid of the fears that prevent you from being yourself
Many individuals who depend on the opinions of others understand and realize perfectly well that the thoughts of other people have nothing to do with them. But they cannot feel like free, happy and self-sufficient people, since they are hindered by certain fears.
Sometimes it can be very scary to change your usual way of thinking, try something new and do things that you would never do before. If you are used to living the way you live, are used to listening to the opinions of everyone around you, are used to not paying attention to your needs, are used to thinking that you are worse than others, then getting rid of all these habits is quite difficult.
There are many different ways to get rid of fears, so anyone can use the trial and error method to find their ideal option. Start practicing asceticism, create your own wish map, find time to meditate, try saying affirmations every day, read the right books, watch the right movies, etc. Sooner or later, you will definitely find your own method and gain the opportunity to not only overcome your dependence on other people’s opinions, but also be able to clear your mind of information junk and find peace of mind!
Quote for inspiration from Coco Chanel:
conclusions
Never try to be calm and confident in any situation, it won't work. We are all human and we all have feelings. Moreover, our anxiety is a defensive reaction that was formed by evolution long before the appearance of the first homosapiens.
Be calm about everything that people surround you with and remember that it is not people who treat you badly, it is inside you that there is a part of your personality that thinks that people treat you badly and you will find confirmation of this over time.
Simply put, everything that happens in our world is our responsibility. Accordingly, any part of our personality can be worked on so that it stops harming us and only brings us benefit.
Tip #2. Be aware of the fact that people around you prefer to think only about themselves
Almost all people with a healthy psyche think only about themselves, their affairs, problems, worries, joys and failures. Each of us lives in our own world and moves at our own pace, and most individuals simply do not have time to think about the people around them.
If you doubt the veracity of this statement, then simply analyze your normal day. How much time do you spend evaluating this or that person and forming an opinion about him? Do you give up sleep, rest, pleasant time with family and friends just to think about the actions or deeds of some individual? If any thoughts arise in your head about another person, then most often this happens completely spontaneously. Such thoughts appear involuntarily in the head and disappear almost immediately.
So the people around us are busy with their current affairs. Most of them have neither the time nor the inclination to evaluate the thoughts, actions, feelings and deeds of their fellow humans. Those people who spend their lives discussing other people cannot be called mentally healthy, spiritually developed and full-fledged individuals. What difference does it make to you what an inferior person thinks about you (if he thinks!)?
Quote for inspiration from Arthur Bloch:
PS
Thank you for reading my article on how to be calm in any situation and not get nervous. Psychology is a subtle science, but by and large all people have similar problems.
And most importantly, any problem can be healed so that it no longer appears in life. For example, I removed a bunch of fears, one of which was the fear of heights, and now I can safely visit the Ostankino tower with a glass floor.
Previously, I was very scared of any height, even when looking from a third-floor window.
Tip #1. Focus your attention on the current moment in time
To overcome dependence on other people's opinions and stop constantly thinking about what this or that person thinks about you, learn to focus your attention on the current moment in time. Focus on the event that is happening here and now. It is the current moment in time that can rightfully be called the most important event in your life, because the whole life of any person consists of the moments that he lives in the present. The past cannot be returned, no matter how much we want it, and the future is just an illusion and a fantasy that may or may not come true.
If you learn to focus your attention on the current moment of your life and think more about yourself and your affairs, then you will have virtually no time left to worry about whether other people approve of your lifestyle.
Quote for inspiration from Napoleon Hill:
Vdovin Ivan
- More than 15 years in psychology
- Owner of 2 successful businesses
- Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
- Certified NLP Practitioner
- Certified Hypnotherapist
- In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
- Helped over 100 clients
- I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
- My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day
Reviews
Tip #8. Objectively evaluate people who express their opinions about you
If you want to forget about what it is to depend on other people’s opinions, then you need to learn to objectively and adequately evaluate those people who express their opinions about you. How to do it? Now we'll tell you!
If, for example, you met a neighbor on the landing whose shape is far from ideal, and she casually told you that it would not hurt you to lose a few extra pounds, then you do not need to be upset and immediately run to the refrigerator to throw it out. all high-calorie foods. Turn off your emotions, take the position of an outside observer and objectively evaluate your neighbor.
Can an overweight woman give you this kind of advice? Is there any point in listening to the opinions of those people who are not role models? It often happens that toxic people who express their opinions about you are simply jealous of you, want to ruin your mood, lower your self-esteem, etc.
If a person has achieved success in one area or another and advises you something in a polite manner, then you can listen to such advice. If a person who has not achieved anything in life is trying to impose his opinion on you, then why should you listen to him?
Why do you care what your neighbor thinks of you? Let her first put her body in order and, through her example, prove to herself and those around her that her advice has a right to exist. If people were more concerned with themselves and their own affairs, then they simply would not have time to discuss and judge other people.
Quote for inspiration from Cristiano Ronaldo:
Lifehack for gaining a positive charge for the whole day
Almost every day we get a chance to recharge ourselves with good emotions completely free of charge. All you need to do is exchange a few kind words with someone.
Give a compliment to a colleague, a saleswoman in a store or a courier from a delivery service. Call a friend to share your smile and good mood.
You already know how to react to negativity so as not to become infected with negative emotions. But a smile is transmitted from person to person using the same mechanism. Exchange smiles with someone - you will immediately feel how your soul has become warmer.
And if you can carry this feeling throughout the whole day, you are guaranteed many pleasant events today! And tomorrow... And always... Just try!
Study of the provocateur
If a provocateur is identified during communication, the next step is to determine its type. In general, provocateurs can be divided into several categories. These are amateur provocateurs, power-hungry provocateurs and strategic provocateurs.
For amateur provocateurs, the main “activity” is observing the process. Moreover, observation from a distance. These people are often influenced by their own emotions, because... They don’t know how to control them. If suddenly an amateur provocateur felt that, for example, the point of view of another person differs sharply from his position, then he will certainly express this by projecting his aggression onto the interlocutor. Although, the expression of his position can be expressed not only in aggressive attacks, but also in tears, ignoring, etc.
When confronted with such a person, the surest way is to remove yourself from the situation. It's like a pendulum: it swings to touch you, and you come into resonance with it, but if you fail this pendulum, i.e. If you don’t react to it in any way, its vibrations will begin to fade and after a while it will stop.
Power-hungry provocateurs have a slightly different “approach.” Their goal is to gain a sense of power, importance, and control over situations and people. If the person they are communicating with begins to react violently to their behavior, then for them he will be a “better” interlocutor. With the help of provocations, power-hungry provocateurs identify psychologically strong and weak people. When interacting with such people, it is very important to maintain a neutral position: maintain an even tone of conversation, refrain from rash reactions, etc.
And strategist provocateurs are people who achieve their goals through manipulation of others. They can talk behind people's backs, intrigue, gossip, and do other similar things. If you encounter such a person, then you need to try to determine what exactly his goal is, and whether his goals are consistent with yours. If you can be mutually useful to each other, then such a person can play along in his game, naturally, without taking his side and without becoming a provocateur-strategist himself. If your goals are not consistent, then it is best to keep your distance from this person and carefully monitor what is happening.
Tip #9. Spend less time on social networks
Before the advent of social networks, people took photographs for only one purpose: to preserve the memory of a fun trip, an important event, a long-awaited meeting, etc. Photos dear to the heart were printed out and stored in albums, which were shown only to close and dear people.
Nowadays, most people take pictures only to post the next photo on a social network and collect as many likes as possible. Comments and ratings from complete strangers, many of whom the user who posted the photo is not familiar with, become the criteria by which the level of success is measured in the modern world.
In order for other users to rate your photos highly and leave pleasant comments, you need to constantly post new photos, otherwise people will think that your life is not bright, interesting and exciting enough. That is why individuals who depend on other people’s opinions and likes constantly take new photos and regularly post them on social networks. And to make these photos interesting, attractive and arousing delight and envy among other people, active users of social networks have to constantly visit new places, buy branded clothes, hang out in nightclubs, meet boring and uninteresting acquaintances, etc.
If you want to overcome addiction to other people's opinions, you need to spend less time on social networks. Ideally, you should give up using social networks at least for a while, because living for show and the meaningless pursuit of likes, comments and subscribers takes a lot of vital energy and does not allow you to rest and relax.
Quote for inspiration from Pierre Boiste:
How to respond to fair criticism?
Fair criticism is of great value. It is she who helps you grow as a professional and as a person. To benefit from criticism, follow these tips:
- Agree with the criticism. Speak calmly and kindly, without unnecessary apologies and self-accusations, but also without arrogance.
- Do not give in to emotions, even if your interlocutor is seething. Carefully steer the conversation in a constructive direction. Ask questions, offer a solution to the problem.
Example 1.
Client: you didn’t understand the topic at all when you wrote the text!
You: please clarify what factual errors are in the text? I relied on product reviews that are available in open sources. They may not reflect all the important features of the product.
Client: Product A is not compatible with Product B!
You: I understand, I will correct this information. Are there any other factual errors in the text?
Client: apparently not, but about compatibility needs to be fixed!!!
You: yes, I’ll correct the text within an hour and send it to you.
Explanation: The client noticed an error that really upset him. Perhaps the client's reaction is not entirely adequate. But there really is a mistake. It needs to be fixed.
Example 2.
Client: you missed all the deadlines. How is this possible, I was waiting for work earlier!
You: yes, I sent the first part of the layouts a day later. But this will not affect the deadline for all layouts; they will be ready by September 20. You can break the work into smaller steps. For example, I will send the next 5 layouts by the 10th.
Client: yes, send by the 10th!
Explanation: you missed the deadline, this is really a problem. Since it is clear from the conversation that the client is very scrupulous about the timing of the project, offer to deliver the work in stages to make him feel more relaxed.
