Legal marriage, alas, is not yet a guarantee of happiness for a woman. Unfortunately, in many families there comes a time when the husband becomes something like a convenient neighbor or relative.
And the wife begins to think, why did my husband stop paying attention to me, what happened and is it possible to return the former “light”?
The website sympaty.net can help with advice!
Features of family relationships
A stable family is a complex process that requires attention, understanding, concessions, and compromises. Sometimes temporary difficulties arise in a couple when the spouses do not understand each other, do not see the obvious, and spoil the relationship on their own. There are situations when girls complain to a psychologist and say, my husband doesn’t pay enough attention to me. What to do in such a situation? First of all, you need to figure out why such misunderstandings arise and what provoked the deterioration of the condition.
READ How to make peace with your husband after a strong quarrel and improve family relationships
Family relationships take a long time to build, but quickly collapse. To return the polite, understanding attitude of one of the spouses, you will also have to try. You should not assume that it is enough to buy lace lingerie, spend a rich, varied night with your husband, and the relationship will be improved. If the husband has stopped paying the necessary attention, is late at work, has changed his behavior, then he has reasons for this.
You need to deal with the reasons, but you shouldn’t do this every day, forcing your husband to have serious conversations. Believe me, in this situation you can only provoke worsening circumstances. From time to time, bring him into this conversation, come from afar. You shouldn’t put pressure, because male psychology is very different from female psychology, and it can be very difficult to understand.
Bring back the romance
No matter how old your marriage is, bringing new feelings into it is not as difficult as it seems. All you need is desire and a little effort.
Any person keeps in his memory the most pleasant and positive moments of his past life. They all preserve brightness and warmth until death. Restoring some of the most important episodes of your life together will help bring your feelings back. What exactly can be done? We advise you to pay attention to the following points:
- remember, in a suitable setting, your first meeting;
- read together old letters that you sent to each other;
- go on vacation to a place you went as a couple;
- visit places that are memorable to you.
Possible reasons
Sometimes women complain that they do not have enough attention from their beloved husband; they want more from family life. There are many reasons why such misunderstandings arise. Changes in the husband’s behavior are observed immediately: he becomes inattentive, rude, and indifferent.
There are standard reasons that apply to any type of relationship:
- The man has another object for attention. It doesn’t have to be another woman, here we are talking about work, sports training, friends.
- Loss of sexual interest. Years of marriage lead to a loss of sexual desire, and the point is not at all that a woman loses her attractiveness. Men are polygamous creatures; they want new sensations, emotions, and variety in their sex life. By having a mistress, the husband devotes less time to his own wife, not only in communication, but also in sexual life.
READ How to get love back: from psychological techniques to magical rituals
- Having a mistress. Mistresses are women who, under any circumstances, satisfy the sexual needs of their men. They are always beautiful, well-groomed, passionate. If the wife does not satisfy, avoids sex or variety in it, the man finds this consolation elsewhere. Only some husbands do this less often, others agree to stable meetings with another woman without destroying the family.
In addition to the above reasons for the husband’s inattention, one can note the coldness and indifference of the wife. Men also need constant attention and care. If they do not receive the right attitude, scandals, quarrels, and misunderstandings begin in the relationship.
Routine gets stuck
Monotony, lack of positive impressions, emotions - all this sooner or later forces a man to introduce new colors on his own. If a husband does not pay attention to his wife, this does not mean that he has a mistress. Perhaps the man is simply no longer interested in this, he does not receive proper inspiration from his wife, new emotions, he is tired of the routine, which is simply overwhelming.
In the presence of such a routine, the husband can walk around sad all the time, get hung up on work, find hobbies in sports or computer games that will cover everything that is boring. You can get rid of a boring life, you just need to understand what colors need to be added to make life really bright for both partners.
You need to organize holidays at home, cook delicious lunches or dinners, invite friends. You can also try to add variety to the entertainment program on the weekends. To do this, go to a movie, to a spa, or play in nature. Adding variety to your routine is not as difficult as it initially seems. It is precisely such actions that will improve the relationship between spouses and relieve monotony.
If there is another woman
Having a mistress or a temporary relationship with another girl is a common reason why a husband does not pay the necessary attention to his wife, stays late after work, and ignores gifts. Only those husbands who have little psychological or physiological satisfaction from their spouse have a mistress.
READ How to make your wife fall in love with you: advice from psychologists
Everyone can face the presence of a second woman in the family. The main thing is to ignore such an appearance, not to provoke the emergence of conflict situations, after which the husband can easily go to another woman for consolation. Psychologists say that wives themselves sometimes provoke their husbands to have a mistress who will always understand, listen, and satisfy sexual needs.
If a man starts a relationship on the side, family life can suddenly fall apart. In order to prevent what is undesirable in this situation, it is worth talking frankly with your husband, making sure that the family is not an empty place for him. Perhaps, after this situation is clarified, the woman will look at the relationship differently, reconsider her behavior, and be able to find common ground with her husband.
Absolute control is a grave mistake
If your husband has stopped paying attention to you, think about how much freedom you give him, whether he feels like a free person who has the right to rest without his wife. Receiving such freedom, a man will independently distribute his time and not depend on his wife’s wishes.
Of course, if he needs such “freedom” every day, there is no future for the relationship. It is considered normal to meet with friends once a week, discuss all important issues, and spend time without family. Control or scandals will always aggravate the situation, destroy relationships, and make the wife feel inferior.
When the cause is the woman herself
Some wives don’t even think that the real reason for the lack of attention and the appearance of mistresses is only in themselves. An unkempt appearance, insufficient attention to the spouse, constant work in the evenings - all this makes the husband feel unnecessary. As a result of this, the relationship deteriorates, and wives have questions: why does their loved one stay late at work, and what to do if the husband does not pay attention to his wife, devoting time to other women.
In this situation, we can also say about the lack of psychological support for the spouse. If a man is satisfied with everything in a relationship, he receives due attention, affection, care, then the thought of leaving for another woman or taking a temporary mistress is unlikely to arise in his head.
Crises
You began to notice your husband's cooling. Think about at what stage of the relationship the decline in feelings occurred. Perhaps the crisis in family life is to blame. Depending on the year, such crises occur in the first year of marriage, after 3 years of marriage, after the birth of a child, and after 10-12 years. During this time frame, the family is going through hard times. Partners reconsider their attitude towards each other, think about their place in the world and how they should live further. Cooling off of a partner during this period is quite normal.
What if there is no similarity between years? Crises in family life may occur earlier for some couples. This will be due to illness, sudden death or some kind of disaster. In difficult times, a wife should be close to her chosen one and support him in every possible way. You should not demand the impossible from a man. For example, if a husband’s father has died, the wife should not pester her husband with questions about why he does not pay attention to her. Always put yourself in the person's position and don't do anything stupid.
How to correctly determine the cause
Many women say: “My husband has stopped paying the attention I need to me, and I can’t even understand what the reason is.” It is rarely possible to establish the cause on your own; to do this, you should talk with your spouse frankly, try to find out what is happening between them, why the contact, the close connection was broken. A strong man always admits that he has a mistress, that the relationship has reached a dead end, and that he wants new sensations.
If the mistress is absent, the husband can reprimand his wife about her appearance, excess weight, or lack of self-care.
If you receive such complaints against you, it means that everything really is so, you need to work on yourself, return respect, love, and attention to your husband.
Is it worth resorting to conspiracies?
Conspiracies are a rather abstract and dangerous thing, and in the end they will always lead to the opposite effect. Conspiracies belong to dark magic, and the one who makes them or asks to do them, this dark magic will return everything back with interest, forcing him to pay a high price with health, happiness or well-being.
This happens due to the fact that the essence of the person being bewitched is forced. He can and will stay with you and constantly tell you how much he loves you. But he will become unhappy, this will weigh heavily on him.
What can be done
Any situation can easily be changed and improved if the partners want it. You can improve relationships and regain your former passion in any situation, the main thing is to know how to do it correctly.
READ Jealous husband: causes and solutions to the problem
Change priorities
If a woman spends a lot of time at work, avoids meeting a man, and does not pay enough attention to her family, the relationship can quickly collapse, even if there is mutual love.
In order not to provoke a relationship breakdown through your own actions, you should try to change the priorities in your life. Always put your husband first, and only then children, work, personal hobbies. Men always need to receive maximum attention and care, only in this case will they feel happy and needed.
Chat with friends
Focusing on your problems, closing yourself off, and dramatizing the situation is not the answer. Friends are sometimes the best psychologists with whom you can talk, solve all family problems, and hear answers to questions.
Spend more time in the company, show the man that you are developing, you have a social circle. When your spouse sees that you are having a good time without him and have proper support, he will definitely change his attention, return, and contribute to improving the state of the relationship.
Get distracted
Going in for sports, enrolling in dancing or courses to improve development is the best option for women who want to change their attitude towards themselves and save their family. Such manipulations always help to adjust to a new, favorable wave, to receive only positive emotions from life, and not to get hung up on problems.
Men love active women who develop, take care of themselves, and strive for something more. If you constantly sit at home, watch TV series, degrade, cook dinner for your husband, respect for you and good attitude will sooner or later develop into indifference and indifference, you need to remember this.
Arrange romantic surprises
Do you want to become closer with your husband? Then don't kill the romance. It must be present in life on a permanent basis. For example, you can cook a delicious dinner for your loved one, place candles around the room and chill the wine in advance. The husband may be surprised to see a beautifully set table. But since the surprise will be pleasant, the man will hurry home next time to find something similar.
You don’t need to please your loved one every day, so that you don’t get tired of romance. You should come up with different ways to warm up feelings. Invite a man to a cafe, go to a movie or to a social event. Take a walk under the moonlight or go on vacation. Take the initiative and demand the same from your man. With mutual efforts, you will be able to revive your former passion and ignite the fire of love.
How to make yourself noticed again: useful tips
Every woman deserves attention, but few of them really do everything for it. To get your husband to pay attention to you again, you need to work on yourself.
Psychologists give several recommendations that will really help:
- pay more attention to yourself;
- workout;
- find a hobby you like;
- take care of facial beauty and hair;
- communicate with friends;
- always be active.
Only confident and self-sufficient women will never be limited by male attention. Work on your relationships and they will always evoke only positive emotions.
Type two: a man from a boy
How does he behave
He does odd jobs, likes to go for walks, or sits on the computer for hours. When asked to wash the dishes after himself, he grimaces as if he had eaten a slice of lemon. When asked to do a simple man's job - hanging a shelf, for example, he finds 1000 excuses, always putting it off "for tomorrow." He will eventually hang it up someday, albeit askew, but how much pride there will be!
This psychotype is often found in young guys raised by a single mother (although there are rare exceptions in two-parent families). Yes, from childhood he was not accustomed to men’s work, because his mother loved him too much, felt sorry for him, and took on all the hard work. He was raised that way, he remained a child. Therefore, usually, when choosing a wife, they choose a second mother.
What to do
Is it possible to re-educate such a person into domestic work? With difficulty, with angelic patience, but it is possible. If this option is your case, then take a closer look at your mother-in-law, how she communicates with her son. Most likely, in their relationship there is no “stick”, but only one continuous carrot. But personally, this gingerbread should be given to you with cunning in the filling:
- Keep in mind: if you constantly yell at him for being idle, you will run into counter double aggression: from him and from the “heavy artillery” of your mother-in-law. By the way, to say, you yourself chose him as your husband, they didn’t force him on you.
- I found myself some kind of temporary job - don’t worry that it’s cheap and temporary. On the contrary, praise that it’s so nice that you have him such a good, real man. Men love praise very much.
- Give him “toys” in the form of tools. Of course, he can literally play with them another day. But to prevent this from happening, help him hang the same notorious shelf. Just don't give orders! Act like an awkward fool, like you tried to help with something, hold the tape measure, but it slipped out, nothing works out for you. In the end he will say: “Go away woman, I’ll do it myself!” Stand behind with a guilty look. But keep in mind - another “gingerbread with filling” has fallen into your piggy bank.
- And it’s like this in everything: if you lifted something heavy, pretend that you hurt your back, you stretched out on the mezzanine, you hit yourself, and the like. Show that you are weak, capable only of feminine care. Raise him, boys, to be a real man. And constantly praise: “Well, what would I do without you, man, alone?” You can’t imagine how proud he will be in his soul every time you say something - and he will begin to get used to housework.
If he also drinks
- The first thing you need to understand is that alcoholism is a real disease. And until your husband can handle it, it will be very difficult to change anything else. First you need to deal with addiction, and this is not an easy path.
- Usually people become alcoholics after a severe nervous breakdown. Drinking becomes a way to escape from the unsightly reality where a man is unable to find a job, please his family, or be successful. However, do not rush to blame yourself for this. Yes, you may not have been able to properly support your husband at the right time. But his weak character is a completely different topic.
- Understand that you will not be able to force your husband to stop drinking if he is satisfied with the role of an alcoholic. The man is not stupid and understands perfectly well what is happening to him, he just doesn’t consider it necessary to change anything - it’s so convenient for him.
- Don't be afraid to leave an alcoholic. Why endure constant negative emotions? If your spouse is truly dragging you down, just find the strength to end your marriage and start over with a clean slate. It won't be easy, but you can do it!
