What to write to a man after a long silence or how to interrupt an awkward pause

Acceptance and understanding are extremely important for any person, and it is very difficult to accept being ignored. You may be ignored both in personal communication and in correspondence, both by your partner and by friends or colleagues. Ignoring always hurts and causes negative emotions. Ignoring is often used as manipulation, so before you react, you need to understand the reasons and goals. Depending on the reasons, you can understand how to react to being ignored.

Ignoring is a form of emotional abuse. Man is a social being, it is important for him to feel needed. Therefore, when we are ignored, it is painful and unpleasant, which is why ignoring always works.

Essence and concept

The essence of ignoring is to limit communication with certain individuals in order to achieve a goal.
This could be detachment from a person due to personal hostility, a desire to attract attention by showing one’s own independence and place, or psychological violence. Reasons for ignoring in psychology:

1. Children's problems. For example, when a child has questions of interest or worries, he tries to speak out to his relatives, but they do not pay attention to him. Therefore, he begins to keep his thoughts silent and avoid contacts.
2. The desire to rise above others. People who want to rise above others are often ignored. They have inflated self-esteem, which does not allow them to recognize the presence of another person.
3. Envy. Many individuals ignore people they envy. Over time, negative feelings begin to intensify, which leads to the development of problems.
4. Ignoring can be used as one of the methods of defense behind which errors can be hidden. The individual will avoid associating with certain people so that they do not find out about his involvement in despicable matters.
5. Loss of interest. Occurs when two or more people communicate. Habits, behavior, and interests gradually change. This leads to a change in the social circle. Old friends become uninteresting, the individual needs to move on. Therefore, he ignores old friends and begins to communicate with other people.
6. Finding ways to control other individuals. Psychologists call ignoring a psychological manipulation that can be used to influence others.

Another popular reason for ignoring is personal hostility. In this situation, communication ends quickly and forever.

Ignoring people is a human defense mechanism

By ignoring, you can exert a psychological influence on another person and achieve personal goals. To manage others, you need to understand how ignorance works, what reactions you can expect from it, and how not to cross the line.

In most cases, ignoring people can be seen as a person's defense mechanism. And this despite the fact that psychologists have identified many psychological defense mechanisms. However, the most common and most instinctive thing to do is to ignore it. In fact, this mechanism is not suitable in all cases. Because when we avoid or ignore people, we refuse to acknowledge the problem we need to solve. And no matter who or what caused the problem, it is not something to be avoided.

Does ignoring solve any problems?

It's very uncomfortable for people to ignore you. A person who is often ignored feels like it was done on purpose and other people just don't like him. However, in most cases this is not the case.

When is it unacceptable to ignore another person?

In some situations, it may be wise to ignore people. Because it gives you and other people time to cool down and think about your actions. But in other situations, ignoring that person can make the problem worse. By ignoring another person, we put off solving the problem most of the time. Consciously avoiding people gives us a false sense of control and superiority.

It is unacceptable to avoid other people if it is due to our inability to compromise. And we don’t know how to come to an agreement that will solve or at least minimize our problems. There is also tactical negligence. This happens, for example, when we ignore a child who is showing anger, resentment, or frustration. Thus, we actually deny the problem of incompetence in raising children and postpone its solution until later.

• Ignoring people or a person will also be unacceptable if it is the result of our insensitivity to the feelings of others. Obvious rudeness in this case is completely unacceptable. When we ignore someone with the intention of humiliating or hurting them, we only invite contempt and disrespect. No educated person will do this. By ignoring another person, we can cause the following reactions:
• Dissatisfaction and anger;
• Hate;
• Contempt;
• Disloyal behavior;.

Why do people avoid and ignore? There are many reasons, both acceptable and unacceptable. Let's look at both. Ignoring people can happen when people are worried and deep in thought and we approach them and start a conversation at that time. In the modern world, men and women are constantly busy with something. Perhaps they recently had an important conversation that they need to think about, and now we want to distract them. As a result, they are ignored.

Often the person simply did not hear you. Maybe there were a lot of people and noise in the room at the time, or they were wearing headphones and just couldn't hear you. This can happen to anyone, but that doesn't mean the person does it on purpose. It also often happens that a person is embarrassed at the moment and refuses to answer. That's why he chooses to avoid you.

Signs that you are being ignored

You are always the first to start a conversation

Inappropriate or malicious reasons also appear quite often and are not difficult to identify. In this case, ignoring people occurs even when you try to get attention several times. This means that he is deliberately ignoring you and avoiding the conversation.

The person starts to answer for a long time

In other words, this person never texts or calls you first. Any relationship, be it friendly, professional or romantic, is like a two-way street. And for them to be rich and harmonious, both people must be attentive to each other. When this does not happen or when one person ignores the other, conflicts, quarrels and misunderstandings arise.

Man interrupts meetings

Perhaps at the beginning of your relationship with this man everything was fine, but lately you have started to notice that it takes too long to respond to messages or not respond. He reacts poorly to you and you feel like he's just avoiding talking to you.

Man is always busy

Perhaps when you are around this person, their eyes are constantly glued to the phone. He looks at his watch and after a while says he has to leave. Claiming that an event occurred that was not part of his plans.

He answers simply and briefly

The most common tactic for ignoring people is to say, “I’m busy.” Yes, it may well be that a person has a lot to do due to school or work. His life cannot be completely devoted to you. But if this happens regularly, it is not normal. At the end of the day, if a man wants to spend time with you, he will find ways. It doesn’t matter how busy his schedule is. This behavior shows how interested he is in you.

What to do when we are ignored

Maybe this guy or girl is still answering your calls and texts. But have you ever had a long, open conversation with this person? A conversation that can last for hours. When you simply don’t notice how time flies.

First, try to figure out what you did or said wrong? Think about what could upset a person or make people ignore you? If, after considering the possible situations, you still don't find a reason why the person is ignoring you, move on.

You must understand that when we find ourselves in a situation where we are ignored, we can also participate in the ignoring and hope that things will soon change for the better and that time will solve the problems. We can also initiate a solution ourselves and talk to the person. You can openly ask him: “Why are you ignoring me?” You can ask this question orally or in writing. And based on the answers, you have to decide how you can influence this situation and change it for the better. Most people will likely list some problems they are facing, so you will have to work together to find solutions to these problems.

Final Conclusion

If this is not the case, then you need to put yourself in order. As a rule, people begin to ignore them if their opinion is not taken into account or respected. So you need to change your attitude towards the people around you. You don't need to think that you are the best and everyone else is worse than you. Because people on an internal level feel how they relate to themselves. So if we are too hyped up and hostile, people will naturally avoid us. So pay attention to your internal problems and start solving them.

This article is posted for educational purposes only and does not constitute scientific material or professional medical advice.

Relevance

Ignoring cannot be clearly called a negative behavioral feature. This is a kind of protective reaction to irritating factors. To better understand this formulation, it is worth considering a life example.

If a son asks his father a question and receives a rude answer, he can ignore the rudeness, which will be better than developing a conflict with an aggressive reaction to his father's behavior. This tactic will only work if rude responses occur frequently and are the norm for one person’s behavior. If such answers have not been heard before, you need to find out the reason for the change in behavior. Problems cannot be ignored. This will lead to their accumulation, development, and dramatic consequences.

Signs

Signs indicating the use of ignore:

1. The individual tries to interrupt the meeting or looks for reasons for it not to take place. Being close to such an individual, you can notice that he tries to look at his phone more often, and then says that he has new plans.
2. The conversation starts with the interlocutor, not the one ignoring. This is noticeable in changes in individual behavior. If previously the ignoring person constantly called himself and tried to get in touch, he stops doing this and avoids communication. Therefore, misunderstandings arise, which gradually develop into quarrels and scandals.
3. Frequent employment, which was not previously observed. The individual begins to frequently use the phrase “I’m busy.” In some situations, employment may be temporary and due to problems. If an individual says that he is busy for a long time, but at the same time communicates calmly with other people, this indicates neglect.
4. The answers become unambiguous, short, simple. When communicating with an ignoring person, you can notice that he shortens his answers, pretends that he missed the question or did not hear it. This is best seen when communication that could previously last for hours is reduced to a matter of minutes.
5. Delay in answering questions, greetings. This is especially noticeable when communicating on social networks.

Why don't they respond to messages?

If we abstract from ignoring as a tool, it turns out that we are unnecessarily complicating the situation. In Telegram or WhatsApp, you may not receive a response because you are busy: the person on the other end of the line simply does not have time to answer you or he does not consider that your messages are worthy of high priority.

Yes, unfortunately, we all have more important things to do, but we don’t want to answer our friends’ jokes. I myself sometimes don’t respond to friends for several hours when I want to get work done. Is this ignoring? To a certain degree. This is an easy manifestation of ignoring - deliberate distancing, delay or lack of reaction, emotions to correspondence.

It is likely that your interlocutor simply fell asleep after a hard day

Find even more articles about social networks and communication on the Internet in our Yandex.Zen!

The reason for this may be a little forgetfulness and emotional exhaustion: you are so tired at work that at the end of the day you look at the incoming messages and forget or do not know how to respond to them. But there is also total ignoring - this is the deliberate exclusion of reactions to a person’s manifestations, even to thoughts about him. For example, you wrote to your ex-girlfriend “How are you?”, but there was no response, although the user was online. Perhaps the chat with you was simply deleted and the messages were not read. By the way, disabling the delivery report in WhatsApp is also part of ignoring. Think about this when you decide to go into the shadows.

The benefits of apparent indifference

Dasha drew attention to her new colleague at a seminar organized by the company for employees in one of the Turkish hotels. Having decided to outshine everyone with a beautiful, even tan at the evening banquet, she carefully smeared herself with cream and headed to the beach. When she returned to her room, she discovered that she was covered in spots like a cheetah - the tube turned out to be self-tanner. There was no talk of going to the event.

The next day, a handsome colleague approached her himself and asked why she was not there. He was pretty tired during the evening from the flirting attempts of the entire female part of the team, and singled out Dasha from the crowd only because she didn’t try to attract his attention.

Ignoring a man is necessary when he is too accustomed to female attention. Dasha did not plan this option in advance; in this case, the situation developed naturally and naturally, which only enhanced the effect.

Ignoring will be effective if your man is a hunter by nature.

He will put all his strength into achieving the goal, winning, winning. Then interest fades away, he cares little about the result. This feature can be quickly identified: he spends days and nights at work launching a project, but a week after success he has already started something new. Or, as a child, I devoted a lot of energy and time to clog training, but after winning a city competition, I abruptly quit. As soon as such a man realizes that he has conquered you, his feelings will be replaced by indifference. In this case, you need to strictly follow the chosen tactics, be sure to take pauses. Light flirting with men is quite acceptable - competition is a very powerful incentive for such a person. The main thing is to stay within the bounds of decency - he will not forgive an offended sense of property.

Random Ignoring

One of the first steps towards minimizing the psychological damage to yourself from feeling ignored by others will be to accept the possibility of accidental silence. It's not that uncommon for people to ignore each other without even realizing it. It may seem to us that the answer is not so important - it may, in principle, be absent or be postponed to another time. But at this moment the addressee experiences completely different, restless feelings. As a result, the same action will be perceived differently by the two parties.

Puppeteers, trainers, healers, outgoing characters

Ignore works, tested. Everyone will remember their experience as a puppeteer or puppet. Failed or successful. Voluntarily or unwittingly, people resort to an effective technique. They often get dubious results. Who and why blacklists partners or demonstrates indifference?

Manipulators

Fans of manipulation use ignoring consciously as a working scheme. The “closer - further” method is a favorite among pick-up artists and trainers. The internet is full of articles and videos from slipper experts. The recipes for how to prepare a victim are approximately the same: surround with heat for 3-5 days, bring it closer, then move away, pour over it with cold. And repeat - once, twice.

How to react to being ignored? I'll tell you in simple words

So, we figured out how to properly influence a person without manipulating him. But what to do if you are ignored? Let's figure it out.

There are two global strategies for the correct reaction to being ignored: 1) correct and 2) the most correct. Will start with the last one.

The most correct reaction is to openly ask the person to stop ignoring and say that you are unpleasant. If your words remain unheard, then you need to break off any kind of relationship with this person and stop communicating forever. This is a radical and most correct approach.

If a person uses this trick with me and ignores my request not to do this (not to ignore), then he will go to hell. By this behavior you automatically cut off from yourself those people who like to use such manipulations. They simply won't be in your life.

The second response strategy is to respond by ignoring.

Here your task is to outplay the ignorer and take him to death. But to be honest, I do not recommend you to enter into such games; it is better to immediately act on the first (the most correct strategy). But I will still describe this method so that you know alternative ways of responding.

What follows silence?

People start using silence for various reasons. In some cases, in order to avoid conflict, because the person does not know what to say, how to express his feelings. And this is how he shows his resentment. But there is also a situation when silence develops into a form of emotional violence, punishment for the pain caused. It should be understood that this is not an effective way to resolve problems and disagreements.

Research shows that both men and women use silence in relationships equally, but clear and direct communication is essential for a healthy relationship, and silence will not solve some of the problems. When a partner wants to talk about a situation and the other refuses, tension and negative emotions such as anger and distress arise. People who regularly experience neglect begin to suffer from low self-esteem over time, and some even lose the meaning of life. This affects the state of interaction, even if silence seems to help avoid problems.

Sometimes it is difficult to recognize the true cause of omissions, but there are still some signs:

• a person intentionally hurts another through his silence;
• silence lasts for a long time;
• the person talks to others, but not to his partner;
• uses silence to blame his partner and make him feel guilty;
• uses silence to begin to manipulate a person, forcing him to change behavior to a more desirable one.

How to fight?

Methods of dealing with manipulation are somewhat different for women and men.
This is due to the characteristic personality traits and standard reactions of different sexes to the same circumstances. To resist provocation, it is enough for a man to take the blame for what has happened recently. A visit with a gift and a prepared speech will not be amiss.

In the conversation, it should be noted what feelings the guy experienced while the girl did not get in touch, why he intends to continue the relationship and what he is ready to do for this.

Winning a man's attention is not so easy. Flowers or sweets, tears, and especially hysterics are inappropriate here. One of the most effective ways to combat ignorance is to respond. Out of surprise, the man will probably reconsider his position and attitude towards his beloved, and change his tactics of behavior.

How to survive such an attitude?

If it doesn’t seem reasonable to continue interacting with your partner or you simply don’t want to tolerate such treatment, it’s important to find effective ways to relax and distract yourself in time. It is important that the chosen method not only allows you to survive resentment and anger, but also be interesting and truly captivating.

As a rule, men prefer to get rid of negative emotions through alcohol or promiscuity. However, this behavior model does not give the expected result. Feelings of resentment and injustice return with renewed vigor after the effects of alcohol wear off.

To distract yourself from sad thoughts, you should:

• immerse yourself in work;
• take care of your physical fitness;
• try yourself in a new sport;
• go on a trip.

New experiences on a regular basis will help you throw out negative emotions and recharge yourself with positivity.

Emotional representatives of the fair sex find it more difficult than men to come to terms with lack of attention. Attempts to establish contact, throwing tantrums, threats are destructive ways to combat depression.

The best ways to increase self-esteem and get rid of anxiety:

• change style;
• to have a pet;
• update the interior;
• get creative.

These are the most effective and simple methods for overcoming stress that will help you quickly return to normal life.

How not to go too far

Before you ignore the girl you love, make sure you get what you want. To do this, all the conditions for ignoring must be met: communication between partners, reality and timeliness of requirements.

There is a high probability that the man may get carried away with the distance, and the girl will cool down, so you need to control the lady’s attempts to renew communication so that she does not stop making them. As soon as you notice that her persecution has decreased, stop ignoring her and return to play the game according to your own rules.

When a man ignores a girl with whom he has a close relationship, it is important not to cross the line so that the actions do not escalate into sadism.

Ignoring in love relationships

Women often use ignore in relationships, so it is important to know how ignoring affects a man . A man, starting a relationship with a woman, expects recognition and gratitude from her. If he tries for a woman, but she doesn’t respond, then he gets an anxious feeling, he doesn’t understand what’s wrong. It is extremely important for men to feel needed and useful. Men always remember a woman who ignores him.

Men also use ignore, and the reasons may be different. In a relationship, a man can use ignoring to get his way from a woman. If the partner does not agree to fulfill his request, then he ignores him, and often the woman, under the fear of losing her loved one, fulfills his request.

Important: It is the fear of loss that many men manipulate their chosen ones.

Is it worth ignoring a loved one?

As already mentioned, ignoring is an effective way to stop communication or, at best, ruin it.

And some believe that with its help you can achieve better disposition towards yourself. After all, it often happens that, without receiving an answer to his request or proper attention, a person begins to call more and more, send messages and try by any means to achieve the desired result.

However, you should think sensibly and understand that ignoring means, first of all, a reluctance to communicate or meet in life. Therefore, if you have a desire to continue a neutral or positive relationship with a person, then it is better not to try to attract his attention by deliberately ignoring him.

The girl stopped responding: 8 possible reasons why

She has reasons that have nothing to do with you

Just like in the sixth point of the previous list, the girl with whom you were corresponding may be completely absorbed in affairs or problems in her life. Moreover, if something really serious happened, she may not have the strength, time, or opportunity to tell you that she is busy now.

Your correspondence seems boring to her

Does the girl respond with short messages, with a long delay, and then disappears completely? Well, it is possible that she is not very interested in communicating with you. And it’s not always possible to do something about it. The same applies to those cases when the girl does not write first, but answers you.

It is important to understand and accept the fact that not all women will always be interested in corresponding with you, and this is absolutely normal.

You accidentally offended her

Has your girlfriend suddenly stopped responding to your messages? Then we advise you to carefully re-read your latest correspondence and analyze it carefully. Was there something that might have hurt her or offended her?

Sexist jokes, disrespect for the feelings of believers, aggression towards representatives of a certain group or vulgar hints can alienate a girl from you so much that she will not even consider it necessary to write to you exactly why she no longer wants to communicate with you.

Your messages violate her personal space and scare her.

We think, without further reminder, you already know very well that sending dickpics to girls without their request and clear consent is unacceptable. The same applies to a direct offer of sex (including virtual sex), if you do not yet have a close enough relationship and the interlocutor has not shown interest in this direction.

You're too intrusive

When you like someone, you want to communicate with this person every free minute. We understand your desire, but we advise you to moderate your ardor. If you literally bombard a girl with messages, and your correspondence lasts for hours, without giving her the opportunity to do anything else, then there is a risk that the interlocutor will get tired of you and run away.

• M+F How often should you write to a girl if you just met? We have the answer. The question is almost a million.

She started dating someone

This also happens. When a girl is actively searching, she, like you, can correspond with several men at once, eventually giving preference to one of them and focusing all her attention on him. And although this is offensive, remember that there is no betrayal in this.

She didn't see the message or forgot to reply.

Since correspondence with you is not the only thing a girl does during the day, it is possible that your new message will escape her attention. Remember, you probably yourself at least once, while reading a message and coming up with an answer, got distracted and, of course, forgot to send it. The same thing could happen to her.

She doesn't know what to answer

In any, even the most exciting dialogue, sometimes there is an awkward pause when the interlocutor cannot or does not want to respond to the last message received. And unless it was something offensive or inappropriate, in which case you can simply try changing the subject and start talking to her about something else.

Where do the legs grow from or why does ignoring work in the opposite direction?

Surely, many of you have heard that by ignoring a person, you can attract his attention. But the question immediately arises: “Is this even legal?” How it works?

Human nature is such that we are all selfish creatures! And this is an established fact, even the most altruistic people are not able to argue with the laws of nature that work at the conscious and subconscious levels.

If we are still able to control our consciousness, then, alas, we cannot control our subconscious.

“Why ignore a person to attract attention,” you ask. On the contrary, you can try to “show yourself” in all your glory!

But the reality is that the person who is being ignored is, in most cases, capable of feeling rejected.

And then Her Majesty “Narcissism” comes onto the stage. Coupled with egoism, this produces a nuclear mixture, encouraging a person to prove his worth and importance.

This is where it begins... The attention of the ignored person to the ignorer increases quite significantly. In fact, this works precisely because the ignored person wants to prove his importance, first of all, to himself - that he is needed, that he is noticed.

Therefore, we can say that such a “seduction scheme” works solely from the selfish motives of the potential victim. And considering that a person initially has a code in his subconscious to love himself, which encourages him to increase the level of his own self-sufficiency, this method works for most people.

However, it is worth considering that this method is not a magic wand and it does not guarantee one hundred percent success in attracting attention. It works under certain conditions, which I propose to get acquainted with right now.

Daria Grosheva

FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST AND FOUNDER OF THE FAMILYBUILDING PROJECT

Read also: The mesh on the sneakers is torn

An honest conversation is scary because it presupposes the reaction of the interlocutor who hears something unpleasant. It is unknown what will happen next - whether the person will get angry or upset, and what to do about it then. Moreover, such avoidance allows you to repress your own feelings, but an honest conversation does not. Like it or not, when another reacts emotionally, then you are also involved. Of course, everyone has their own fears. For some - anger, for others - tears (because if they cry because of your fault, you seem to turn out to be a sadist), for others, on the contrary, indifference, which you don’t want to deal with. Therefore, avoiding and disappearing is a tempting opportunity to get by with little blood.

You won’t be able to wean yourself off ghosting, you can only have honest dialogues with yourself and ask yourself questions: “What’s the worst thing that will happen in this conversation for me?”, “How can I cope with this?”, “If the worst thing happens, like me Will I react? And those who have been treated this way should remember that if a person decides to disappear, then this is his choice, and it is connected with his own experiences. However, it is still terribly unpleasant, because the unknown is worse than even the feeling of guilt.

True, sometimes disappearance is indeed the only way out to end a relationship. For example, in dependent and codependent relationships, when it is impossible to break a connection that causes pain to both partners. Someone alone can say goodbye, delete the number and never answer or come again. It will be better than gradually breaking up.

Read also: How to quickly lose weight after childbirth

Photos: Tribe of the Haze, Luella, Punky Pins, Magic Circle, Rotofugi

Mistakes in female behavior

Women who are tormented by the question: “My husband is ignoring me, what should I do?” often seek psychological help. The spouse cannot understand on her own what led to the deterioration of the relationship, what was done wrong and alienated her loved one. What features of female behavior provoke ignorance from a man?

1. The young lady dissolves in her beloved, lives by his interests and loses her individual zest.
2. A man ignores the woman he likes if she constantly interferes in his affairs, gives out unnecessary advice, doubting his partner’s competence.
3. The girl allows the guy to behave inappropriately, forgiving all insults and insults. Over time, such relationships become the norm, and the individual allows him to simply not notice the fair sex.

What not to do if a man ignores you

How am I different from them? Yes, because I went through this shit! I don’t want to remember brrr... But for the sake of you girls, I’m ready to go through this again. All my articles are not just made up. It's all experience. Mine, my friends or acquaintances, strangers. Believe it or not. But I will try to give you a comprehensive answer to the question of what to do if a man ignores you.

So, let's move on.

To begin with, I want to warn you that under no circumstances should you do anything if they ignore you, so as not to screw yourself completely and irrevocably. Read and listen.

Depresnyak

Everything is gone, my darling is leaving, no one needs me and other woman’s nonsense. Remember, we agreed to act with a cool head. If a man ignores you, this is a consequence, not a cause. You need to find a reason. Maybe it lies on the surface, and you were an intolerant bitch, or maybe it’s worth digging deeper into your dirty laundry. Sitting and whining is the most boring thing. Seeing you in this state, he understands that he did everything right. Fuck he needs you so much.

Panic

As soon as you saw that he was ignoring you and screamed: “God, what should you do if they ignore you? Where is Instagram, where are the same victims? Help!!!"

That's it, you start making stupid mistakes, rushing and making even more mistakes. Start a showdown, try to find out the reason, insult, whine, etc. Maybe he has some problems at work, and here you are with your syu-syu-syu, so he sent you onward. And you threw a tantrum in response. There is no need to panic or rush. We need to calmly figure it out.

Losing your mind

This happens when you have convinced yourself that this is your knight on a white horse for whom you have been waiting all your life, without him the world is not nice and there is no one except him. That's it, congratulations, you're a fool! You not only lost him, you lost yourself. On the contrary, now you need to determine for yourself that it doesn’t exist. Try to be without him. At all. Meanwhile, hatch “devious plans” to get him back. I remind you: keep a cool head.

Test: Does a man love me? A special man has appeared in your life who is interested in you, sweet and courteous. At first glance everything is fine. But at times you have doubts whether he loves you or not. How to find out if a man loves you using a test? It is very important to get an answer to this question if you are planning to take the next step in your relationship with this man. There are many signs by which you can easily understand whether he really loves you.

What is ignore, what is it for and how to use ignore correctly

So much has already been written and said about ignoring and total ignoring. But when I see what they write and say about him, I really want to dilute this mass of hype information with important, correct, sober thoughts of an adult, not an offended person, not a neurotic, not a victim, not a narcissist, not a deceiver who wants to make money from victims of love. Dilute this trash with your own thoughts, the thoughts of a person who has extensive experience in working with relationships in various variations and manifestations.

Here is a fundamental article about ignoring. Share this valuable information with those who are in a relationship or have broken up, because... ignoring in one form or another sooner or later now affects everyone (“thanks” to its popularization by “specialists”).

What is ignore, what types of ignore are there

Ignoring is a lack of reaction to a person’s manifestations.

Light ignoring is a conscious distance from a person and a delay or lack of reaction to his manifestations (lack of emotions, “turning deaf ears”).

Total ignore is the deliberate exclusion of any reaction to any manifestations of a person (even to thoughts about him in his own head).

Synonyms: silence on the air, coolness, silence, hide and seek, fall through the ground, disappear, evaporate, freeze, get out of your head, hammer.

There are a great many variations of ignore. But before using ignore in any of the variations, you need to think many times. And then think again and not use it.

Why use ignore?

Ignoring is usually used to get from a person what he himself does not do, to manipulate, to make him feel guilty, to be active, to move.

In professional language, it sounds like this: ignoring is used to frustrate a person’s need for communication (put up an obstacle that prevents the satisfaction of the need).

Many people believe that ignoring is the best way to get a loved one back. How much ignoring will help you get your ex back can be predicted by knowing the characteristics of relationships and partners. Not everyone is capable of ignoring (they don’t know how to use it correctly, they can’t stand it) and not everyone reacts to ignoring the way those who use it would like.

Is ignoring effective?

In fact, effectiveness is a characteristic of some kind of positive influence. It's hard to talk about effectiveness with ignorance. Because it has very little positive effect.

Ignoring is truly strong, a kind of thermonuclear remedy for treating unhealthy relationships (more precisely, for resurrection, resuscitation, when things can’t get any worse, the relationship has completely deteriorated, and these damaged relationships “don’t feel sorry” have collapsed).

In a normal, healthy relationship there is no place for ignoring in any of its manifestations.

Like any potent medicine, ignore has a lot of side effects, contraindications, and sometimes the risk of losing relationships and trust outweighs the possible benefits of its use.

Therefore, I would categorically not recommend using ignore without a purpose (when it is not indicated).

Any medicine, especially a potent one, if not indicated, is contraindicated.

The effectiveness (if we are talking about benefits) of ignoring is questionable and depends on the situation, but its influence (side effects) is extremely great, since it affects the need of every person for socialization, for communication, for receiving and transmitting information. Ignoring deprives such opportunities, and since we are social creatures, ignoring is perceived by the psyche as a threat to survival.

Therefore, if you ignore a person, you threaten his survival (this is how it is perceived, therefore it influences and increases your importance), and if you are ignored, then it seems to you like the “end of the world” (because your need to belong to society is affected and the impression is created that You have been expelled from the pack and your life is now in danger).

When to use ignore in a relationship

You can't use ignore in a relationship . Can't be used at all. No way. Not in any position.

Remember, if you are in a relationship (not broken up) - do not use ignore.

I'm ready to repeat this many more times.

Ignoring it only ruins everything. Playing the silent game in a relationship is perceived by the other partner as torture. And it does not lead to improvements or growth in your importance. Such behavior can sooner alienate a person than interest or captivate him.

Fixing relationships

• dialogue,
• attention to needs and boundaries,
• filling your personal and shared life with events, emotions,
• work on your adequacy,
• development of sensory and emotional intelligence,
• increasing its objective significance,
• working with the subjective importance of a partner.

There is no ignore list on this list, as you can see.

But since you are interested, let’s explain when ignoring is justified and indicated.

The use of ignore depends on the goal you are pursuing:

1. If the goal is to improve them while in a relationship, then ignoring is a failed strategy, since problems have never been solved through silence and avoidance. It only got worse. Ignoring a person with whom you want to build a relationship means being deaf to his needs, boundaries, as well as being left with unmet needs and violated boundaries (after all, ignoring oneself is usually chosen as a way of responding to the violation of one’s own boundaries and the inability to satisfy one’s needs in relationships).
2. If the goal is to return to the partner whom you left and later regretted, then ignoring will also not be appropriate. It won’t help, but will only lower you even more in the eyes of the one you abandoned. A person already feels unwanted and unloved, offended. In this way, you can only bring back into a relationship a dependent, anxious, inadequate person who has no self-esteem and will not evoke in you those feelings and emotions that, as a rule, accompany a successful union. And if in this case you return the person to the relationship, you will quickly want to break up again.
3. If the goal is to restore a relationship with the person who abandoned you, then this is where ignoring can be used and would be appropriate. But you need to use it extremely carefully and know exactly when to stop and stop ignoring it. And you need to stop doing this at the moment when a person becomes as interested in dialogue with you as you are with him. Correctly carried out ignoring can increase your subjective significance for a person (provided that it was originally there at one time and provided that your objective significance was previously really high or grew during the absence of communication). If you are in a clearly weak position and the person does not want to communicate with you, then a correctly executed ignore with the correct input can help.
4. Another option when ignoring is appropriate is when you want, really want to break up with a person and directly, honestly, openly and openly tell him about it, but he does not react, but continues to overcome you, imposing his communication and violating your boundaries. Then yes, after several attempts to explain (two are enough, but one, as a rule, is not enough), you need to completely ignore the person and no longer catch his eye and not communicate under any circumstances. The correct input to ignore is also important here.
5. Attention! Ignoring an aggressive person with pronounced behavioral deviations (or mental disorders) is dangerous. This can cause a surge of aggression in your direction and even illegal actions. It is necessary to leave such people according to a well-thought-out scenario and have a shelter prepared in advance. There are centers that help those experiencing violence. You need to go there if such a problem is urgent and you are threatened.

How to use ignore correctly, if it is appropriate

When ignoring is appropriate and indicated, then the rules for its use do not need to be particularly explained. The pattern of correct behavior is intuitively simple and is a natural reaction to a person’s previous behavior.

You need to refrain from monitoring, thinking, memories, chance meetings and any information related to a person, not initiating communication in any way and not responding to the initiative (no matter how much you want, you need to understand that your reaction will satisfy the person’s need and will not lead to continued communication and restoration of relationships).

It is also important not to disseminate information about yourself, remove any activity and direct all energy (thoughts and actions) exclusively to yourself: to your life and development (increasing objective significance and getting rid of love addiction, while there is no communication, this is much easier to do).

• You should not block - this is activity towards a person.
• You should not erase unread messages - this is an activity towards a person. Read and do not respond, but also do not store and do not re-read. The best option is to read and delete.
• There is no point in dropping incoming calls - this is also an activity towards a person. Mute the sound and wait until the call ends. Don't block. Don't call back.

The main rule for the correct use of ignore is the correct entry into ignore and its expediency/appropriateness.

What is the “correct entrance” to ignore and how to correctly enter ignore in a relationship

Again I have to remind you that it is wrong to ignore you if you are in a relationship. Ignoring them can destroy them.

You can enter ignore only in two cases:

If a person abandoned you, doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, betrayed you and/or is now ignoring you.

The very moment of separation is very important here, the final conversation in which you will need to honestly and frankly take your weak position. It's embarrassing and painful. In this position, you are a victim, you are extremely vulnerable and cannot influence the situation in any way. This is what needs to be acknowledged and shown, made clear, conveyed to the leaving, abandoning partner that you are truly sorry. It is important to show this without hysterics and aggression, without accusations. It is important to show not how the thrower is wrong, but to show how much you are hurt, how upset you are. Convey information that you do not want to break up. That you love and want to be together.

It is necessary to show that the person is dear, to offer all possible options for improving relations and to listen to all complaints, all grievances. Show that you are ready to improve and want to be together.

Tears are acceptable, some harsh expressions that characterize your dejected state are acceptable.

Hysterics, fights, scandals, damage to property, any physical impact, gross insults, restraint by force, violence, persuasion, threats, blackmail, manipulation of suicide and other inappropriate actions are unacceptable.

After you have made it clear how you feel, you need to act like a loving person and let go of the one who wants to leave. Treat the boundaries of another person with understanding and respect and understand (realize) that he is truly free and can leave if he wishes.

An example text is:

“I’m really sorry, I really love you and want to be together, but I can’t force you and force you to be close. I wish you happiness and love. I’m sorry that you made/made such a decision, but so be it. I won't bother you anymore."

All items must be returned. Simply because they will disturb you and cause unnecessary memories and associations.

The main criterion that you need to get rid of things is that you think about it. If you haven’t thought about it until you read it, you can leave it, it means you are not attached to them and they are not fixing your attention on your departed partner,

If you want your partner to return, then if possible, leave your things with him (you should try to do without them) and forget about them. Buy yourself some others instead. In order not to be tied by things to memories and past events.

After correctly entering the ignore mode, it is important not to react in any way to the person’s manifestations towards you until he reaches the stage of repentance and is ready for dialogue.

If you want to end a relationship with a person who is not ready for dialogue and does not hear you.

Doesn't let go. Blackmails, stalks, ruins your life, then the correct entrance is explanations without any subtext of the situation and conveying your reluctance to be together. No matter how difficult it is, you need to honestly, directly, openly and frankly say that you do not love a person. If they ask whether you loved, you should tell the truth - that you didn’t (they thought that you loved, but it turned out that you didn’t). This is necessary so that a person under no circumstances is left with ANY illusions or understatements, because this is what keeps him in love addiction. With your honesty and firmness, you will help the person survive the breakup and not hope for anything in vain (and you will also not feel like a “dog in the manger”, using the feelings of another person).

How to properly ignore

Let me remind you that ignoring is a tough manipulation. And it is right not to resort to it, but if ignoring is appropriate and started correctly, then it is not difficult to carry it out correctly - you just need to avoid any reaction to any manifestations of a person. Calls, SMS, social networks, instant messengers - everything is ignored without blocking. Blocking interferes because it does not give you the opportunity to monitor the transformation of a person’s condition, if any. I will note here that the scheme itself is simple, the difficult thing is to follow it.

When a person is very important to you, not reacting to his appearance is a feat and enormous willpower. In order to cope, you need to know what stages a person goes through, how they manifest themselves and what will happen next.

You need to know what to expect and what to be prepared for. Then it will be easier to ignore correctly.

Stages of transformation of the state of the person who left you:

1. Curiosity (a person manifests himself only to satisfy HIS need for a lack of information or the need to be important/needed/interesting/in demand/desired/loved, etc. There could be anything, it’s probably difficult to understand. This is definitely not about you)
2. Interest (here the person is already interested in what happened to you and why your reaction is different from the usual)
3. Anger (the person begins to get angry and show this anger towards you. These could be accusations, regrets about having a relationship, bewilderment at how you even allow yourself to do this and what you think about yourself. It is very difficult for someone abandoned in a weak position listen to such reproaches and do not give in to the temptation to enter into a conversation and remind how everything really was. You need to restrain yourself and continue to take care of yourself, only if you restrain yourself - the state of the partner who left you continues to transform and moves on to the next stage).
4. Acceptance (the person becomes silent, disappears, comes to terms with the fact that you are silent and do not answer, the understanding comes that you are offended and thoughts begin about why everything is exactly like this now, why you are behaving this way. This is the most difficult time for a partner, who was in a weak position, because it is at this stage, in silence, that his significance increases and he becomes stronger. Those who are not accustomed to such a position feel guilt, remorse and they have thoughts that “probably the partner who abandoned him was right and I shouldn’t be doing this to him.” What contributes to such feelings is that quite a lot of time has passed by this stage and the negativity has gradually gone away, the resentment has passed, nostalgia has appeared, and all the bad things have gradually been erased by our caring memory)
5. Repentance (the long-awaited desired stage, for the sake of which all the ignoring was actually started. A person regrets what happened and makes it known. Only when repentance appears, relationships have a chance of restoration and continuation. Not everyone reaches this stage. And sometimes, having reached it, they lose all progress, hearing the first “I'm sorry". Here it is important to focus not on words, but on actions. Repentance provides an opportunity for dialogue, and the goal of dialogue is to agree on the needs, boundaries and conditions under which relationships are possible.

There is no guarantee that a person will definitely go through all these stages if you ignore him correctly. But your correct behavior increases the likelihood and makes it possible for the relationship not only to recover, but also to improve subsequently.

When to stop ignoring

You can get carried away with ignoring and drag it out so much that you make the person’s return impossible or difficult, and ruin a comeback.

To prevent this from happening, remember: when a person has repented (and believe me, this is difficult, so you shouldn’t expect him to do this several times), you need to finally answer him, get in touch with him and listen to what he says. Necessarily. Agree to a conversation, a meeting, give the person the opportunity to finally speak.

Sometimes repentance is the only reason a person returns. That’s right, sometimes a person doesn’t want to restore the relationship, but simply regrets that he hurt you so much. And he wants to free himself from this overwhelming burden of guilt and responsibility.

Then further ignoring makes no sense. And it will most likely harm you.

If a person asks for forgiveness, you need to forgive him. Give him freedom from this guilt, otherwise this burden passes to you (after all, the person did everything he could, your choice not to forgive him means your responsibility). It is extremely difficult to bear guilt for something that is not your fault.

If you want to take revenge, do not answer a request for forgiveness with anything: neither yes nor no. The worst option for you is not to forgive, but to say: “there is no forgiveness for you.” Read more in this article.

Signs that you can stop ignoring:

• All stages of transformation of your subjective significance for your departed partner have been completed (usually it begins with disgust, then indifference sets in, then curiosity appears, then interest, then anger, then acceptance, then repentance). Not everyone reaches this stage, but only those who subsequently have a chance to build a relationship again.
• Communication with the person you ignored has ceased to be desirable and does not evoke strong emotions and the desire to “rush to the ends of the world.”
• You want to listen more than talk
• You have learned to talk about your needs, set boundaries, have worked on yourself and are ready to make an effort to build a healthy relationship (your partner is also ready to make an effort)

How men (women) react to being ignored

In our culture (Russia and the post-Soviet space) it is accepted that a man plays an active role, and a woman a passive one. This is how it has developed culturally and here we will not discuss whether it is right or wrong. This is how it is accepted among us, this is how it is embedded in us and is brought up in us in one way or another from early childhood.

That is why it is easier for a woman to ignore and more difficult to bear when she is ignored, and for a man, on the contrary: it is easier when he is ignored and more difficult to ignore himself. Simply due to gender characteristics.

And this brings a lot of confusion to the process of ignoring.

In essence, the female and male roles reflect the weak (passive) and strong (active) roles in relationships, respectively (this is how it happened and it does not always coincide and is tied to gender, I wrote about this here). But roles are not positions. A weak position and a weak role are not the same thing.

In general, it is advisable to ignore only those abandoned in a weak position (or those in a strong position and trying to end the relationship in an environmentally friendly manner, without ignoring).

It means both men and women can ignore, and they will have to react to being ignored, one way or another.

Therefore, it is more correct to talk about who can more easily tolerate being ignored from the point of view of position in the relationship, rather than from the point of view of gender.

At first, being ignored is more difficult to bear (and accordingly reacts to it more strongly: he worries more, thinks about it, gets upset, suffers) for those who find themselves in a weak position. The strong one especially does not even notice at first that he is being ignored, and perceives what is happening more as a deliverance from oppressive communication than as a problem.

Over time, the situation changes, if the ignore is carried out correctly, and the weak one experiences less and less, and the former strong one experiences more and more.

How to respond to being ignored

What to do if your loved one ignores you? How to respond to being ignored by your loved one?

You need to understand that if you formulate the question this way, you are most likely in an extremely weak position in the relationship.

When a person is in a weak position, he does not quite adequately perceive objective reality and can call something completely gray black. That is, to exaggerate the scale of the disaster.

Therefore, the very first step is to adequately assess what is happening and diagnose your position. It is very difficult to do this yourself, being inside the situation; it is better to seek help from an outsider who can impartially assess the processes taking place in your couple.

I often get asked the following questions:

• What to do when a husband/wife plays the silent game
• How to get someone out of your head
• How to score on someone who scored on you
• What to do if you are being ignored

In such cases, the first thing we do is find out what is hidden behind such formulations. Sometimes it is not ignorance at all, but a lack of satisfaction of leading needs. The partner, meanwhile, is quite suitable for a relationship, and the problem is the inability to satisfy one’s needs on one’s own, the use of dependent behavior patterns, the transference of child-parent relationships to the partner, and much more.

If ignoring is really ignoring, then you need to decide how to behave further depending on your position in the relationship.

When you are ignored it is very, very painful. This is unpleasant and causes a burning desire to hear an answer, to get it at any cost.

Stop being an empty place for a person, evoke in him at least some kind of reaction to yourself.

When you are ignored, a lot of energy appears, which directly burns out from within, because it does not find a way out or use. There is a desire to communicate, but there is no opportunity to get at least some feedback.

You need to react to being ignored according to your position in the relationship.

• If it is strong, then be active, realize why the person who loves you has stopped communicating and is ignoring you, correct the situation, restore and heal the relationship.
• If you are in a weak position and are in a relationship that has not broken up, then your fate is only to leave the person alone and not touch him until he manifests himself. Or if you are in a relationship and you are being ignored, then it is imperative to talk with the person when he remains silent (it is necessary to discuss the reasons for such behavior, express your feelings about this, set boundaries and talk about needs).
• If you are abandoned in a weak position, that is, the separation has already occurred and you are being ignored, then mirroring and retaliatory ignoring is appropriate. There is nothing more you can do here, that’s why your position is weak.

What is ignore used for and when is it appropriate?

Ignoring (total ignoring) is appropriate only after a breakup; it can be used in order to increase your subjective significance for the person with whom you were in a relationship, but broke up on his initiative, given your extremely positive behavior (or at least just normal) and adequacy .

What can you say about those who use ignore in relationships?

Those who use ignore unconsciously are either in a strong position and simply have no desire to communicate, or they are counter-dependent and use ignore as a way to hide from affection that scares them.

In both of these cases, only the one who resorts to such behavior patterns, chooses them as reactions to life events, can do something about it. And not the one who suffers from such manifestations as a partner.

Almost everyone who deliberately uses ignore in a relationship is in a weak position and uses it as the only means to somehow influence the other person.

Ignoring in this case is manipulation in order to force a person to be what you need or do what you need.

Let me remind you that ignoring as manipulation works very, very poorly.

Like any other manipulations and provocations. These games do not make relationships better, more harmonious, healthier, stronger - they spoil them and destroy them by causing hostility and a desire to defend themselves (anger, hostility, resentment, aggression, jealousy) in the one being manipulated, and in the one who manipulates - dependence and fading of good feelings, transformation of the attitude towards an object that is necessary to satisfy one’s own needs, and is not valuable in itself.

Don't use ignore in relationships!

How to ignore someone who ignores you

Ignoring a person who is indifferent or unpleasant is very easy and even gives some pleasure (the purpose of such ignoring is to get rid of the person, to show that he is unnecessary and intrusive).

Ignoring a person who is needed and dear to you is very difficult and justified only in two cases - when he abandoned you (left in a strong position) or when he ignores you.

But to what extent can it be considered ignorant on your part to stop expressing yourself towards someone who is ignoring you? This is not ignoring, but common sense and mirroring what a person shows to you.

It is impossible to ignore someone who does not need us and who does not communicate with us.

To ignore means not to react to manifestations, since there are no manifestations, then it will not be possible to ignore. In such a situation, ignoring can only begin when any manifestations appear in your direction.

Conclusion

The conclusion from everything written is this: ignoring can be used as an effective means of getting your ex-partner back only if he left you for no apparent reason, because he took a strong position and lost interest in the relationship or became interested in someone else.

If the relationship is still alive, ignoring is inappropriate and dangerous.

I wish you to become more aware and not use such difficult methods thoughtlessly.

If you are afraid and in doubt, it is better to consult a specialist.

I wish you well and mutual love!

How to make peace after a quarrel

The situations described above were when a couple either has not yet formed, or in general they do not have problems as such, but only issues with personal space. But what if your significant other turns on ignore after a quarrel?

If you want to smooth out an unpleasant state after a quarrel, then do not rush to talk and apologize. Let your opponent cool down, calm down, and comprehend what happened. Otherwise, you can run into rudeness and a continuation of the scandal.

After waiting for some time, try to talk calmly, carefully choosing your words, get into a position, demonstrate understanding. Choose your time to communicate wisely. Don’t leave out text messages in the middle of the workday, and if you do write, do it once and wait patiently for an answer.

Don’t let them ignore you, tell them that this is unpleasant and you don’t need to behave like that with a loved one.

Try to be offended to a minimum, and never demonstrate indifference in response. Think not only about your own feelings, but also about your other half. If a person does not make contact, continuing to ignore all efforts on your part, then it is worth raising the question of the advisability of continuing such a relationship.

How to be in the place of someone who ignores?

This position is quite possible, and one should not expect that anyone is immune from it. Self-absorption, focusing on one's own problems and simply not paying attention are just some of the common reasons why people unwittingly ignore others.

It would be good if the ignored person reported the problem in exactly the same way in the opposite situation, but this may not happen. Therefore, you should practice the principle of balancing your attention among your regular contacts. When leaving a message without an answer, you need to think about how the interlocutor might react to this silence.

If, due to certain circumstances, such behavior was discovered, then the best solution would be to directly and openly explain the reason to the ignored person. By the way, such incidents with a happy ending can also be an excellent way to prevent such nuances during remote communication.

Advice from psychologists

There are two points of view on manipulation in relationships:

1. Ignoring a man is the worst way to start a conversation. The couple will not be able to exist together, since the connection is built artificially. Love is a chemical reaction that cannot be created out of nothing. If the partner is cold from the beginning, then nothing will change. It is better not to try to win the heart of an indifferent person. There are a lot of people in the world who will give you much more positive emotions in the future. A woman shouldn't get hung up on a guy who doesn't show interest in return. Such people need to be avoided.
2. Relationships start with shenanigans. The person lies and embellishes. This behavior is encouraged by society, so people lie to make themselves look good. At the beginning of a relationship, a guy flaunts only positive traits. He, like a turkey, tries to dance a mating dance for the female. A girl can ignore a guy and use other manipulations. There is nothing immoral about this.

Both theories are correct, because they have a common link - the factor of falling in love. It doesn't matter where the feeling comes from. If people are made for each other, then they will be together both with and without ignorance. There are no limits or frames for love. She will be able to get into a hard heart and soften it.

Final Thoughts

To be fair, we must say that we have all been ignored by someone. But we are not perfect either, so it may well be that we have ignored other people over the years of our lives. So, with that said, I believe that when a person tries to ignore, it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, everything may end in even bigger problems or an ordinary separation. Therefore, do not be afraid to solve problems and meet difficulties halfway. As a result, you will only become stronger and wiser.

Sources

• https://mystroimmir.ru/psihologiya/ignorirovanie.html
• https://DilerScan.ru/bolezni-i-otkloneniya/kak-ignorirovat-muzhchinu.html
• https://motivacii-net.ru/ignor-v-otnoshenijah-nachalo-konca-ili-sposob-obratit-vnimanie/
• https://vadimkalantarov.ru/pochemu-ignor-vsegda-rabotaet/
• https://lifemotivation.online/psychology/relationship/rasstavanie/zhizn-posle/obshhenie-i-povedenie/ignor
• https://stmnsk.ru/lichnost/ignoryu-devushku.html
• https://FB.ru/article/367284/ignor—eto-chto-oznachaet
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