Absolute calm is the state of our body that is considered to be the norm. With it, a person is relaxed, can fully control himself, adequately assess the situation, comprehend what is happening and make informed decisions. Not all people experience such calmness, especially in non-standard life situations, including during communication. Thus, the question arises, how to stop being nervous when communicating and learn to control yourself? Our tips will help solve this problem.
The words “don’t be nervous” are a good way to bring a person into a normal state of rage. Stas Yankovsky
How to stop being nervous when communicating with colleagues at a meeting?
Where does nervousness come from?
Nervousness occurs when irritating factors appear.
They can be different, but as soon as they begin to affect a person, the latter loses concentration and all his mental and physical energy is directed towards these same irritants, which switch all attention to themselves. At the same time, nervous excitation cannot a priori be considered a 100% deviation from the norm. On the contrary, a person needs it in order to recognize positive or negative situations in life and react to them or avoid them. But since it can be difficult to stop being nervous when communicating, and this state causes discomfort, it is important to be able to get rid of tension.
The response to nervous stimuli should always be adequate. If nervousness is excessive, then this becomes a serious problem. Nervous tension turns into stress, depression and entails serious consequences at the mental and physiological level.
This fear is so different
As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, there are eight types of psyche, which are called vectors. A vector is the innate properties and desires given by nature that shape a person’s character, his thinking characteristics, and determine his actions and actions.
Each vector has its own natural fears; they are quite specific. But only one single vector has absorbed all possible phobias, anxiety disorders and has simply become a champion of fears - it is called visual.
For whom is excessive nervousness dangerous?
Young people are most susceptible to nervousness, because their psyche does not yet know how to cope with everyday stress.
But even at a young age, there are people who cope with problematic situations more easily and easily, and there are those whose nervous system is overly vulnerable. It is this category of people who most often experience problems in relationships with other people, communication, and self-realization. Communication is a fundamental process in the formation of personality, a necessary condition for any development. That is why excessive nervousness and embarrassment in communicating with others is a serious problem, due to which misunderstandings arise, the inability to concentrate on the subject of discussion, lack of satisfaction from the conversation and, as a result, a narrowing of the circle of communication.
At an early age, this situation is considered as natural, but over time, if the problem remains, the difficulties worsen and the person cannot harmoniously integrate into society, realize himself, and develop. That is why it is important to take care of reducing nervousness, even getting rid of it completely.
I'm afraid to show myself in company
The third is afraid that all attention will be focused on him when he wants to tell something. He blushes, and his pulse rises from embarrassment that everyone is looking at him and waiting for his speech. He himself doesn’t notice how his voice begins to tremble treacherously, his hands shake, and his quickening speech swallows and blurs all his words. He begins to mumble, get confused, stumble, he is no longer able to find words to express his thoughts. As a result, he cannot even string two sentences together.
What are the roots of the fear of communicating with people and how can you overcome it?
Why do we become nervous when communicating?
Don't worry and tune in to the conversation
The reasons for this condition may be different. Nervousness appears when we are just making acquaintances and do not know the person with whom we are going to communicate. A natural situation of fear of being rejected or misunderstood arises.
This moment of nervous excitement only lasts for a while until we get used to the stranger and identify common interests. If for some people this slightest stress can pass completely without a trace, then people with a more vulnerable psyche continue to perceive a person with some caution and this becomes an obstacle in conversation.
The next reason for nervousness may be the status of the person with whom you must communicate. If we have to talk with a boss, a strict father, a man or woman for whom we do not like. Each of them evokes certain emotions in you - irritants that can lead to tension, fear or embarrassment.
Fear when meeting people
Almost every man in his youth experienced emotions of excitement, uncertainty and fear when he met a girl. Fears are inherent in us by nature itself for self-defense, and also by upbringing, ridicule and humiliation at school. And these fears begin to live in our heads. The guy is afraid to approach the girl, and when he gets nervous, he doesn’t know what to talk to her about. In this regard, he prefers to sit at home, and water does not flow under a lying stone. You are a male conqueror and this is inherent in you by nature. After all, the girl will not be the first to start a conversation with you. Start your conquest with a smile, and if they also responded with a smile, then you can start communicating. Gritting your teeth, go up and tell the girl that you really like her and how scared you are of being rejected. Fears will immediately disappear and there will definitely be topics for conversation.
a girl meets a guy , she also feels constrained, tense, and, as they say, “out of place.” Due to anxiety, he cannot relax and carry on a conversation.
How to stop being nervous?
Of course, no one will give you a universal recipe for how to stop being nervous when communicating.
If there is a problem, then it must be dealt with comprehensively and the cause must be understood. Often it lies precisely in the fact that a person is afraid of being misunderstood or rejected. A self-sufficient, self-confident person who knows how to listen and also knows how to clearly convey his thoughts to his interlocutor, no matter what they are, will probably never face the problem of nervousness during communication. That is why you need to work on yourself, be open to other people and expand your circle of acquaintances in order to gain experience in various communication situations and be able to respond to them.
It is also important to be able to evoke positive emotions in your interlocutor and not be afraid of being misunderstood or rejected. In this case, you can calmly communicate on various topics without experiencing any difficulties or being exposed to any stress. Well, if any arise, then you either stop communicating with the person or reduce it to a minimum.
It is important to understand that we cannot please everyone without exception. Some people are more active in communication, more open and interested in meeting new people, while others are closed and prefer to discuss less.
A few rules to help reduce nervousness:
- No matter who you have to communicate with, always remember the purpose of the conversation.
- Know how to listen to your interlocutor and always give him the opportunity to speak.
- Find something in common and try to show sincere interest in that area of the other person’s life that is in some way interesting to you.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you don't know what to ask.
- Be attentive to topics that are incomprehensible to you and even more unpleasant, no matter how much you want to succeed in communicating with the person you need.
- Never impose yourself on people who do not show any initiative in communication.
Who cares what people think about him?
Perhaps you worry about what people think of you? How will you be perceived critically? System-vector psychology explains this condition by the presence of certain properties of the anal vector.
Those with the anal vector are real neat people, neat people. They have perfect order in the house, clean tablecloths and dishes, always polished clean shoes, they are neat - not a single stain, not an extra wrinkle on their clothes. For such people, their deepest and greatest fear of people is to be “dirty,” to disgrace themselves.
It is important for us to be appreciated and noted with a plus sign. For a person with an anal vector, the main thing is that the reputation is good, clean, untarnished, that there is authority and honor. We feel good among other people, when we are valued and respected, this makes us feel joyful and satisfied in life. Sometimes we even begin to experience a painful dependence on approval.
But it happens that you meet smart people, the best professionals, and it’s even difficult to open your mouth and insert a word - real erudites. You feel your lack of knowledge. You catch yourself thinking that it’s scary to say something stupid and be ridiculed. What if they ridicule your thoughts, make a mockery of you - it’s scary to disgrace yourself with your modest knowledge and skills. And when the social circle is small, the skill and practice of expressing one’s knowledge and thoughts verbally is generally lost. In people there is an inhibition effect and fear: “What if I say something wrong?” Fearing disgrace, a person experiences a strong fear of saying something stupid, of saying something wrong.
It is important to us what complete strangers think about us. A person with an anal vector wants to be the best for everyone. And if he also has a visual vector, then he will be the best. But if he said something wrong, and they looked at him with a reproachful, appraising, disapproving look, then the person immediately became stressed: “They thought badly of me! There will be an opinion about me that I am stupid and stupid.” He remembers these states and in the future is afraid to express his thoughts, because he is afraid of experiencing shame.
Work on yourself
We repel nervous attacks
Always be prepared to communicate. To find interesting interlocutors and enjoy communication, you yourself must have sufficient interests and comprehensive development. By reducing the number of topics you don't understand, you can easily find the subject of discussion and talk with people of different ages. This way, there will be no room for nervousness and you can share your knowledge calmly.
Avoid empty talk, chatter and gossip. Try to share knowledge, experience, ideas. If you like the person and your sympathy is mutual, worries and embarrassment during communication will disappear. Take this into account!
Get to know yourself
Set a goal for yourself: to meet five people in an evening. Go to a bar, go to an exhibition or a museum and strike up a conversation with someone.
You can prepare a conversation plan in advance. If this is an exhibition, the task becomes even simpler: share your impressions and find out what your interlocutor thinks.
Again, you don't need any extra stress. If you usually feel uncomfortable interrupting a conversation (even though you want to), set a time limit. Let it be five minutes, after which you firmly but politely tell your interlocutor: “It was nice to meet you, but I have to go. Thank you for your time".
How to stop being shy
Shyness to one degree or another is characteristic of every person.
However, if your shyness is a stable character trait, and, in addition, interferes with you, then you need to immediately begin to fight it. Otherwise, such increased shyness can lead to the fact that your life plans may be disrupted. First of all, you need to figure out the reasons for your shyness. Think about what you are not happy with about yourself, and what caused you to feel shy? No matter how difficult the problem is, it can be solved. If it's about your appearance, it's as easy as shelling pears. Change your wardrobe and hairstyle.
If the problem is mild speech impediments, then only a specialist will help you cope with this. If you consider yourself a boring conversationalist (or, worse, they tell you so in plain text), then reading can help you - stay up to date with the news, and it will be much easier for you.
If you don’t see any direct reason for shyness, then most likely you are just used to considering yourself shy. Here, a kind of psychological “trying on” the image of a self-confident person can help you. Start leading confidently and openly at home. Train your gait. Give a speech (you can do this yourself; there are a lot of tutorials on the Internet). Over time, you will feel that you are able to behave just as confidently around others.
You can take someone you know as an example if you think his behavior is quite relaxed. Carefully study how this person behaves in various situations, and try to copy his behavior - you certainly don’t need to be shy about this. This is the case when imitation will only benefit you.
Video: How to stop being nervous? 10 proven methods
There is another psychological technique.
Find someone even more private than you and try to lead him. That is, to become his leader who will help him become more confident. This practice will help you both become more confident in yourself and improve your friend. Another method is to imagine the most negative consequences of your own actions (or inaction). What terrible thing will happen if you are refused or rude? Prepare for the fact that things will be bad and relax about it. In the end, acceptance will help you cope with grievances more easily and you will become more confident in yourself.
· Mar 16, 2019
Reasons for fear of communicating with people
First you need to understand the causes of fear.
People who are afraid of communication are afraid of everything connected with society: talking with strangers or unfamiliar people, the attention of passers-by, their views, public speaking, communication in small groups, shopping, social events.
People with social phobias constantly think that they will be misunderstood. Being the center of attention, they are afraid to say the wrong thing. They feel like everyone is expecting something from them.
How is this behavior of people formed? There is only one answer: social phobia is based on education.
Let everyone now remember their childhood:
- Were your parents overprotective?
- did they suffer from fear of communication?
- did they often criticize you, were they too strict?
People whose parents were too strict in childhood, or, conversely, overprotective, will feel that others always look at them with condemnation.
Also, if parents had a clearly manifested fear of communication, then they naturally infect their children with it.
Children, like sponges, absorb the thinking and behavioral styles of their parents. It is a great success if a child is born into a family of two conscious people who do not transfer their problems and suppressed needs onto their children.
Unfortunately, the ideal option is extremely rare. Therefore, we, modern people, have a bunch of different stereotypes that have nothing to do with reality. One of them is the fear of communication.
Fear of communication is the fear of receiving a bad assessment from others. It should not be confused with introversion.
For example, many people are afraid of speaking in public, this does not mean that every one of them is a social phobe.
How to deal with anxiety with training
Mastering your emotions in time is an art that needs to be learned. There is an excellent course “How to understand the hidden emotions of others and build effective communication.” It is useful for those who work with people, whose occupation is speaking in public, teaching or raising children, as well as those who want to begin self-improvement.
The course “Effective Communication” (short name) helps you become happy, influence your environment, learn to control your emotions and solve problems that others create for you. The intensive course is conducted by the famous experienced trainer Oleg Kalinichev.
Vikium offers a 7-day money back guarantee!
This investment in yourself will pay off very quickly, and you will become much more productive.
In any case, friends, you have several options on which way to go: you can improve yourself or buy a course for little money and achieve results as quickly as possible.
You can also find other training options on the Vikium website. Try it, it's free. In any case, there is a guarantee that you will improve yourself in the field of communication and relationships with people. There is a review article on our blog, read:
- Brain simulators and courses Vikium - the most detailed and honest review of the online learning platform + reviews
Well, are we studying?
Behaviors that “feed” social anxiety
A person builds behavior based on the ways of thinking with which he is accustomed to living. However, experts state that the result of communication directly depends on the declared behavioral line of the interlocutor. Certain behaviors will only make things worse by fueling social anxiety.
The thought of a known risk in any communication is intrusive and shapes defensive behavior. The desire to talk only with people from the “safe” group is a desire not to leave a comfortable state where there is no danger.
Is leaving your comfort zone a good thing?
The feeling of anxiety forces one to avoid life situations that seem dangerous to a person. The same thing happens with people. However, the result will be even greater fear. Temporarily a person makes his life easier by eliminating sources of risk, but in the end the anxiety does not go away, but is only “muffled” without giving a voice. It is difficult, but it is worth actually checking all the risks that a person is exposed to from situations and people that have become the subject of his ignoring. In practice, neither fainting from excitement nor stuttering will occur.
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The task of overcoming fear is to try to gain experience of a different nature. So, it’s worth challenging yourself and going to a celebration of an event where it was previously not possible to go. Neither avoid, nor evade an answer or look, but like a swimmer, overcoming the flow of water, move along a given trajectory. An advantage is the internal pronunciation of ongoing events, but only their description, not analysis.
Watch your breath
Nervous tension primarily affects the sequence of our breathing. It becomes more frequent or lingers on its own for very long periods. Because of this, the pressure rises, and we begin to blush, and even our hands begin to shake.
Therefore, as soon as you feel that the air is not entering your lungs correctly, force yourself to take a deep breath. Hold the air inside and then release it slowly through your mouth. If it doesn’t work out the first time, do this manipulation until you feel relief.
Get your muscles in order
Often during communication, when we are especially nervous, our muscle corset contracts strongly. Your arms and legs become pinched, your stomach cramps, your whole face tenses and wrinkles. Consciously observe this moment. Deliberately relax all muscle groups, stop clenching your fists and frowning. The muscles will send a signal to the brain that the body is already relaxed, and the tension will drop to “no”.
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Why do you feel bad after talking?
The body, without the participation of consciousness, is able to build a defense against a poisonous attack. The systems react in a complex way:
- the brain, having received the information, issues a command;
- nerve cells instantly distribute the signal throughout the organs;
- the circulatory system goes into defense mode (accelerates movement),
There is a noticeable tension in all members. The muscles feel this more clearly. That is, it is their reaction that manifests itself visually. Try spending half an hour in a state of extreme tension. You will feel completely exhausted, tired, overworked.
Shaking occurs due to muscle overstrain. They cannot withstand defensive measures. After all, the bodily shell is in contact with an obvious, deadly “enemy”. Although consciousness considers the person to be kind, friendly, friendly or neutral.
Feeling unwell occurs due to the use of all reserves. Getting through everyday life requires a certain amount of energy. Communication drew out what was due for the current day. The next portion will come only during sleep. Admit it, within a few minutes you were exhausted, as if you had unloaded a carriage by hand.
How not to show excitement in your voice
When a person experiences stress in general, and fear in particular, his mucous membranes dry out from the adrenaline splashed into his blood, which makes him want to constantly lick and swallow. On the other hand, stress tones the vocal cords and other muscles in the throat area, causing the voice to change specifically. In it you can discern treacherous cracks and cowardly high notes. Voice lie detectors operate on this principle. It would be more correct to call them voice stress analyzers, because they detect not lies, but stress, which can be caused, among other things, by lies. They have a fairly low reliability index, but they can still do something. For example, if a person suddenly and clearly shows signs of stress when dealing with a sensitive topic, this may provide food for thought.
What can you do with your voice to hide stress and fear? The solution is obvious - you need to take the vocal cords out of play. That is, reduce the volume of speech as much as possible, and ideally switch to a whisper. In general, whispering has many useful properties. In addition to hiding excitement and fear, it also hides the author of the words. If you record a whisper on a voice recorder, no examination will establish who it belongs to. Of course, you can build on the construction of phrases, but this is very meager information that allows you to make only assumptions, nothing more.
Even quiet speech affects the interlocutor in a special way. The speaker quietly emphasizes his indifference to whether he is heard or not, which puts him in a psychologically superior position. In addition, a screaming person cannot hear others well, so he will inevitably have to stop yelling and adjust to the volume of his quiet interlocutor. And this, again, makes the one who speaks more quietly the leader.
Why does a person get annoying for no reason?
Annoyance and dissatisfaction, as a result of interaction, reveal the problem from the other side. Each personality needs adequate assessment from the environment. We are pleased to feel attention, respect, sympathy, compassion, mercy from friends.
But equal interaction does not happen every time. There are many egoists around who have never grown out of their sweet childhood. They are used to putting themselves in the center, attracting other people's attention. Remember how you demanded a toy, an answer, or praise from your parents. Were they interested in their adult questions back then?
Destructive people do not want to accept the burden of responsibility for their own destiny. It is better to place the blame on those around you. And relationships with such people are true torment.
Their behavioral characteristics irritate, exhaust, and weaken them. They penetrate the natural defenses of the mind into the very nature of the soul. They provoke anger, resentment, melancholy.
The most common techniques of energy theft:
- Depreciation. Girlfriends share their achievements. One perceives the other’s victories normally, asks for details, and praises. And the second one didn’t seem to hear anything. He immediately turns the conversation to himself. If the first insists on its own topic, then it tries to belittle the merits or significance of the achievement. Clear destruction. Although the techniques can be more insidious and invisible.
- Ignoring. The despot speaks exclusively about himself. The character trait is called narcissism. He is not interested in the problems of his friends. You subconsciously hope for an emotional response, but get ignored. Vampire technique makes you feel guilty. Well, they forced the “good guy” to deal with your “minor” issues. They pushed his “really important problems” to the back burner.
- Elevation. A friend, lover or acquaintance presents himself as a “teacher-patron”. It is he who knows better what is right, what will happen, what to think about, and what to reject. Timid objections provoke a rebuke. To insist means to cause hysteria, anger, criticism of your “lack of understanding.” The individual confronts the environment with the fact of the existence of only one significant person - his own. The rest are obliged to obey without complaint.
It is more correct to call the described types of interaction outright robbery, committed through the negligence of the victim. Even falling in love without reciprocity is theft. A destructive individual simply eats up your strength. Find the courage to stop the process. Give up the soul-destroying scenario.
Don't chatter
Nervousness forces us to present the material as quickly as possible. This is because the brain needs to think about the fact that it is nervous and in a state of stress, and not remember the necessary material. Therefore, he gives out all the information in a bullet, and you tell it quickly, indistinctly, sometimes confused and incomprehensible.
At such moments, under no circumstances should you speak quickly. Draw out your words, take long pauses between sentences. This way you will remember everything more accurately, present all the material more competently, and those around you will definitely understand and will not ask you anything again.
Think through possible scenarios
You have already imagined the most pleasant thing that happened to you. Now we need to think about the opposite.
Remember the most stressful and difficult situation in your life related to communication. For example, an unsuccessful public speaking. Now imagine what you would do to save the situation if you went back in time.
This exercise will help you prepare for an upcoming important event. Think through different options: what could go wrong, what difficulties await. Remember everything you did before to take into account mistakes and avoid making them in the future.
