Transition and adolescence: how to survive

“Prickly,” touchy, vulnerable, impudent – it’s all about them, about teenagers. About those who have entered a difficult transitional age. About those who are on the path from childhood to adulthood. About those who find it difficult to understand and accept everything that happens to them.

This article is dedicated to teenagers. In it you will learn what adolescence is, what dangers await children and parents at this stage of growing up, and what mothers and fathers need to do to help their child survive this difficult time.

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Content:

What you need to know about adolescence? Why is it difficult for children?
Why is it difficult for parents?

Features of the transition period

For girls

In boys

Puberty issues

What dangers await children and parents?

How to help your child survive adolescence?

Parents' mistakes in education

How parents should behave during this difficult period

If a child falls into bad company

What actually happens to teenagers - determining the inner age of your child

Advice to parents from an expert psychologist

Summary

The leading need of age is the desire for deliberate maturity and self-affirmation.

Social situation of development – teenager-peer.

The leading activity of age is intimate and personal communication with peers.

Due to the surge of hormones, the following occurs:

increased fatigue,
absent-mindedness,
lethargy,
touchiness.

The main neoplasms of adolescence include:

formation of self-concept, self-awareness, reflection;
identification;
awareness of individuality.

In total, two phases can be distinguished in adolescence: negative and positive. The transition from the first to the second is considered the beginning of productive activity.

What you need to know about adolescence?

Psychologists have long noted the trend of “rejuvenation” of adolescence. Children now enter the transition period much earlier than their parents - at 10-11 years old. Also about adolescence up to 18-19 years old, when the child reaches adulthood and is separated from his parents not only psychologically, but also materially and financially.

We all go through transitional periods that can be characterized as follows: baby, child, teenager, young man (girl), adult. At each level of maturation, physiological processes occur. Also, the formation of an emotional field, social adaptation occurs, a system of values and personal principles of the individual is built,
– Oksana Tumadin,
expert psychologist, author of a unique methodology for unlocking personal potential and uniqueness.

Within the boundaries of adolescence, two stages are distinguished: younger adolescence (10-12 years old) and older adolescence (starting from 13 years old until the end of the transition period).

In early adolescence, the child already begins to feel his adulthood, his need to communicate with peers increases, and his body prepares for changes.
By the age of 13-14, hormonal changes reach their peak. The child becomes irritable, touchy, and his mood often changes.
The transition period ends with the child's entry into adulthood. The emotional state of boys and girls stabilizes, and mature, balanced decisions appear. The time is coming for complete separation from the parental family.

It is not known exactly how long your child’s adolescence will last. Because, having matured physically, a teenager may remain psychologically unprepared for an independent organization of his life for a long time.

Why is this period called transition? Because in the development of a child there is a transition from childhood to adulthood. And the main task for a teenager is to realize himself and separate from his parents.

The transition period begins when a hormone begins to be released that activates the pituitary gland and gonads,
– Oksana Tumadin,
expert psychologist.

Adolescence is a challenge for both children and parents.

Now two trends are visible: 1) the tendency of reluctance to grow up early, to start families and children at least until the age of 24-28. With this indicator, responsibility towards one’s life in all areas decreases. Later periods of onset of financial independence lead to semi-dependence on adults. This is where conflicts between parents and children occur. Teenagers, on the one hand, crave independence and show this in all their actions, based on hormonal development, as intended by nature. On the other hand, teenagers unconsciously themselves slow down the transition to adulthood, not wanting to take responsibility.
2) The second trend is the desire to quickly reach your destiny and change the world. There are more and more children like this. They are born already adults and it is very difficult for them to introduce all levels of physiological maturation - they want to grow up faster and, not paying attention to all the teenage outbursts in their character, they go towards their goals in order to get things done. They understand what they want, where they are going and, as a rule, from childhood they are busy thinking and studying the world, far from being like a child,
– Oksana Tumadin,
expert psychologist.

Why is it difficult for children?

They change externally and internally. And sometimes it is difficult for them to accept these changes and control them.
They want to be accepted in society and feel important. Instead, they may face ridicule, aggression from peers, or become a victim of bullying.
They expect understanding from parents and acceptance of all their characteristics. Instead, they face total control, criticism and prohibitions.
They want autonomy and independence, but cannot get it because they do not yet bear full responsibility for their actions.

Why is it difficult for parents?

They don’t know how to behave with older children.
We are used to being an authority figure for our child.
Not ready to let go of your son or daughter.

9.1. Social development situation
9.2. Physiological changes
9.3. Psychological changes
9.4. Adolescence crisis
9.5. Leading activities in adolescence
9.6. Neoplasms of adolescence

Topic 9. ADOLESCENCE (FROM 10–11 TO 14–15 YEARS OLD)

9.1. Social development situation

The social situation of human development at this age represents the transition from childhood to independent and responsible adult life. In other words, adolescence occupies an intermediate position between childhood and adulthood. Changes occur at the physiological level, relationships with adults and peers are built differently, the level of cognitive interests, intelligence and abilities undergo changes. Spiritual and physical life moves from home to the outside world, relationships with peers are built on a more serious level. Teenagers engage in joint activities, discuss vital topics, and games become a thing of the past.

At the beginning of adolescence, a desire to be like older people appears; in psychology it is called a feeling of adulthood.

Children want to be treated like adults. Their desire, on the one hand, is justified, because in some ways their parents really begin to treat them differently and allow them to do things that were not previously allowed. For example, now teenagers can watch feature films, access to which was previously prohibited, take longer walks, parents begin to listen to the child when solving everyday problems, etc. But, on the other hand, a teenager does not meet the requirements for an adult in everything; has not yet developed such qualities as independence, responsibility, and a serious attitude towards one’s responsibilities. Therefore, it is not yet possible to treat him the way he wants.

Another very important point is that, although the teenager continues to live in the family, study at the same school and is surrounded by the same peers, shifts occur in the scale of his values and the emphasis associated with family, school, and peers is placed differently. The reason for this is reflection,

which began to develop towards the end of primary school age, and in adolescence it develops more actively. All teenagers strive to acquire qualities characteristic of an adult. This entails external and internal restructuring. It begins with imitation of one’s “idols.” From the age of 12–13, children begin to copy the behavior and appearance of significant adults or older peers (vocabulary, way of relaxing, hobbies, jewelry, hairstyles, cosmetics, etc.).

For boys, the objects of imitation are people who behave like “real men”: they have willpower, endurance, courage, courage, endurance, and are faithful to friendship. Therefore, boys at the age of 12–13 begin to pay more attention to their physical characteristics: they enroll in sports clubs, develop strength and endurance.

Girls strive to imitate those who look like a “real woman”: attractive, charming, popular with others. They begin to pay more attention to clothes, cosmetics, master coquetry techniques, etc.

The current development situation is characterized by the fact that advertising has a great influence on the formation of the needs of adolescents. At this age, the emphasis is on the presence of certain things: thus, a teenager, receiving an advertised item for personal use, acquires value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of his peers. It is almost vital for a teenager to own a certain set of things in order to gain a certain significance in his own eyes and in the eyes of his peers. From this we can conclude that advertising, television, and the media to some extent shape the needs of adolescents.

9.2. Physiological changes

During adolescence, physiological changes occur that lead to changes in children's behavior.

The period of activity of the dominant center of the cortex is reduced

brain.
As a result, attention becomes short-lived and unstable.
The ability to differentiate deteriorates.

This leads to a deterioration in understanding the material presented and assimilation of information. Therefore, during classes it is necessary to give more vivid, understandable examples, use demonstrative material, and so on. As communication progresses, the teacher should constantly check whether the students understood him correctly: ask questions, use questionnaires and games if necessary.

Latent increases (secret g

th) period of reflex reactions.
The reaction slows down, the teenager does not immediately answer the question asked, and does not immediately begin to fulfill the teacher’s requirements.
In order not to aggravate the situation, children should not be rushed; they should be given time to think and not insulted. Subcortical g

e processes
go
beyond the control of the cerebral cortex.
Teenagers are not able to control the manifestations of both positive and negative emotions.
Knowing this feature of adolescence, the teacher needs to be more tolerant, treat the manifestation of emotions with understanding, try not to “get infected” with negative emotions, and in conflict situations, switch attention to something else. It is advisable to familiarize children with self-regulation techniques and practice these techniques with them. The activity of the second signaling system is weakened.

Speech becomes short, stereotypical, slow. Teenagers may have difficulty understanding auditory (verbal) information. You should not rush them, you can suggest the necessary words, use illustrations when telling the story, i.e. visually reinforce the information, write down key words, draw. When telling something or providing information, it is advisable to speak emotionally, supporting your speech with vivid examples.

During adolescence, sexual development begins.

Boys and girls begin to treat each other differently than before - as representatives of the other sex. For a teenager, it becomes very important how others treat him; he begins to pay great attention to his appearance. Self-identification occurs with representatives of the same gender (for more details on this, see 9.6).

Adolescence is usually characterized as a turning point, transitional, critical, but more often - as the age of puberty.

9.3. Psychological changes

Changes at the psychological level during adolescence manifest themselves as follows.

All cognitive processes and creative activity reach a high level of development. occurs .

Logical memory begins to actively develop. Gradually, the child moves on to using logical, voluntary and indirect memory. The development of mechanical memory slows down. And since at school, with the advent of new academic subjects, a lot of information has to be memorized, including mechanically, children have memory problems. Complaints about poor memory at this age are common.

The relationship between memory and thinking changes

Thinking is determined by memory. To think means to remember. For a teenager, remembering means thinking. In order to remember material, he needs to establish a logical connection between its parts.

occur in reading, monologue and writing.

Reading gradually moves from fluent, correct reading to the ability to recite, monologue speech - from the ability to retell a text to the ability to independently prepare oral presentations, writing - from presentation to composition. Speech becomes rich.

Thinking

becomes theoretical, conceptual due to the fact that the teenager begins to assimilate concepts, improve the ability to use them, and reason logically and abstractly. General and special abilities are formed, including those necessary for the future profession.

The emergence of sensitivity to the opinions of others regarding appearance, knowledge, and abilities is associated with the development of self-awareness at this age.

Teenagers become more touchy. They want to look their best and make a good impression. For them, it is better to remain silent than to speak and make a mistake. Knowing this feature of this age, adults need to avoid direct assessments and speak with teenagers using the “I-statement,” i.e., a statement about oneself and one’s feelings. Teenagers should be accepted as they are (unconditional acceptance), given the opportunity to speak out to the end when necessary. It is important to support their initiative, even if it does not seem entirely relevant and necessary.

The behavior of adolescents is characterized by demonstrativeness, external rebellion, and a desire to free themselves from the care and control of adults.

They can demonstratively violate the rules of behavior, discuss the words or behavior of people in an inappropriate way, and defend their point of view, even if they are not entirely sure of its correctness.

There is a need for confidential communication.

Teenagers want to be heard and need their opinions to be respected. They are very worried when they are interrupted without listening to them. Adults should talk to them as equals, but avoid familiarity.

Teenagers have a great need for communication and friendship,

they are afraid of being rejected. They often avoid communication for fear of not being liked. Therefore, many children at this age have problems establishing contacts both with peers and with older people. To make this process less painful, we need to support and encourage them, and develop adequate self-esteem among those who are unsure of themselves.

Teenagers strive to be accepted by their peers

possessing, in their opinion, more significant qualities. To achieve this, they sometimes embellish their “exploits”, and this can apply to both positive and negative actions; there is a desire for outrageousness. Teenagers may not express their point of view if it differs from the opinion of the group and are sensitive to the loss of authority in the group.

There is a tendency to take risks.

Since teenagers are highly emotional, they think they can cope with any problem. But in reality this is not always the case, because they still do not know how to adequately assess their strengths and do not think about their own safety.

At this age, susceptibility to influence from peers increases.

If a child has low self-esteem, then he does not want to turn out to be a “black sheep”; this may be expressed in fear of expressing one's opinion. Some teenagers, who do not have their own opinions and do not have the skills to make independent decisions, find themselves “led” and commit some actions, often illegal, “for company” with others who are stronger psychologically and physically.

Adolescents have low resistance to stress.

They may act rashly and behave inappropriately.

Despite the fact that teenagers actively solve various problems related to study and other matters and encourage adults to discuss problems, they show infantilism

when solving problems related to the choice of a future profession, ethical behavior, and a responsible attitude towards one’s responsibilities. Adults need to learn to treat teenagers differently, try to communicate with them on equal terms, as with adults, but remember that they are still children who need help and support.

9.4. Adolescence crisis

The teenage crisis occurs between the ages of 12 and 14. It is longer in duration than all other crisis periods. L.I. Bozovic believes that this is due to the faster pace of physical and mental development of adolescents, leading to the formation of needs that cannot be satisfied due to the insufficient social maturity of schoolchildren.

The teenage crisis is characterized by the fact that at this age the relationships of adolescents with others change. They begin to make increased demands on themselves and on adults and protest against being treated like little ones.

At this stage, the behavior of children changes radically: many of them become rude, uncontrollable, do everything in defiance of their elders, do not obey them, ignore comments (teenage negativism) or, conversely, may withdraw into themselves.

If adults are sympathetic to the needs of the child and, at the first negative manifestations, rebuild their relationships with children, then the transition period is not so stormy and painful for both parties. Otherwise, the teenage crisis proceeds very violently. It is influenced by external and internal factors.

To external factors

This may include ongoing adult control, dependence and guardianship that seem excessive to the teenager. He strives to free himself from them, considering himself old enough to make his own decisions and act as he sees fit. The teenager is in a rather difficult situation: on the one hand, he has really become more mature, but, on the other hand, his psychology and behavior retain childish traits - he does not take his responsibilities seriously enough, and cannot act responsibly and independently. All this leads to the fact that adults cannot perceive him as an equal.

However, an adult needs to change his attitude towards a teenager, otherwise resistance may arise on his part, which over time will lead to misunderstanding between the adult and the teenager and interpersonal conflict, and then to a delay in personal development. A teenager may develop a feeling of uselessness, apathy, alienation, and become convinced that adults cannot understand and help him. As a result, at the moment when the teenager really needs the support and help of his elders, he will be emotionally rejected from the adult, and the latter will lose the opportunity to influence the child and help him.

To avoid such problems, you should build a relationship with a teenager on the basis of trust, respect, and in a friendly manner. The creation of such relationships is facilitated by involving the teenager in some serious work.

Internal factors

reflect the personal development of a teenager. Habits and character traits change that prevent him from carrying out his plans: internal prohibitions are violated, the habit of obeying adults is lost, etc. A desire for personal self-improvement appears, which occurs through the development of self-knowledge (reflection), self-expression, and self-affirmation. The teenager is critical of his shortcomings, both physical and personal (character traits), and worries about those character traits that prevent him from establishing friendly contacts and relationships with people. Negative statements addressed to him can lead to affective outbursts and conflicts.

At this age, the body undergoes increased growth, which entails behavioral changes and emotional outbursts: the teenager begins to get very nervous, blame himself for failure, which leads to internal tension that is difficult for him to cope with.

Behavioral changes

are manifested in the desire to “experience everything, go through everything”, and there is a tendency to take risks. A teenager is attracted to everything that was previously prohibited. Out of “curiosity,” many try alcohol, drugs, and start smoking. If this is done not out of curiosity, but out of courage, psychological dependence on drugs may occur, although sometimes curiosity leads to persistent addiction.

At this age, spiritual growth occurs and mental status changes. Reflection, which extends to the surrounding world and oneself, leads to internal contradictions, which are based on the loss of identity with oneself, the discrepancy between previous ideas about oneself and the current image. These contradictions can lead to obsessive states: doubts, fears, depressing thoughts about oneself.

The manifestation of negativism can be expressed in some adolescents in meaningless opposition to others, unmotivated contradiction (most often with adults) and other protest reactions. Adults (teachers, parents, relatives) need to rebuild relationships with the teenager, try to understand his problems and make the transition period less painful.

9.5. Leading activities in adolescence

The leading activity in adolescence is communication with peers.

By communicating, teenagers master norms of social behavior, morality, and establish relationships of equality and respect for each other.

At this age, two systems of relationships develop: one with adults, the other with peers. Relationships with adults turn out to be unequal. Relationships with peers are built as equal partners and are governed by norms of equality. The teenager begins to spend more time with peers, as this communication brings him more benefit, his current needs and interests are satisfied. Teenagers unite into groups that become more stable; certain rules apply in these groups. Teenagers in such groups are attracted by the similarity of interests and problems, the opportunity to talk and discuss them and be understood.

In adolescence, two types of relationships appear: at the beginning of this period - friendly, at the end - friendly. In older adolescence, three types of relationships appear: external - episodic “business” contacts that serve to momentarily satisfy interests and needs; friendly, promoting the mutual exchange of knowledge, skills and abilities; friendly, allowing you to resolve issues of an emotional and personal nature.

In the second half of adolescence, communication with peers turns into an independent activity. A teenager cannot sit at home, he is eager to be with friends, wants to live a group life. Problems that arise in relationships with peers are very difficult to experience. To attract the attention of peers, a teenager can do anything, even violate social norms or open conflict with adults.

Companionship

are based on the “code of partnership,” which includes respect for the personal dignity of another person, equality, fidelity, honesty, decency, and willingness to help. At this age, such qualities as selfishness, greed, breaking a given word, betrayal of a friend, arrogance, and unwillingness to take into account the opinions of others are condemned. Such behavior in a group of teenage peers is not only not welcomed, but also rejected. A teenager who demonstrates such qualities may be declared a boycott, denied admission to the company, or denied joint participation in any business.

A leader must appear in a teenage group

and leadership relationships are established. Teenagers try to attract the attention of the leader and value their friendship with him. The teenager is also interested in friends, for whom he can be a leader or act as an equal partner.

An important factor in friendly rapprochement

is the similarity of interests and affairs. A teenager who values his friendship with a friend may show interest in the activity in which he is engaged, as a result of which new cognitive interests arise. Friendship activates communication among teenagers; they have the opportunity to discuss events happening at school, personal relationships, and the actions of peers and adults.

Towards the end of adolescence, the need for a close friend is very great. A teenager dreams of having a person in his life who knows how to keep secrets, who is responsive, sensitive, and understanding. Mastery of moral standards

- This is the most important personal acquisition of adolescence.

Educational activities,

although it remains predominant, it recedes into the background. Grades cease to be the only value; what matters is what place a teenager occupies in the class. All the most interesting, super-urgent, urgent things happen and are discussed during breaks.

Teenagers strive to participate in a variety of activities: sports, art, socially useful, etc. In this way, they try to take a certain place among people, show their importance, adulthood, feel like a member of society, and realize the need for acceptance and independence.

9.6. Neoplasms of adolescence

New developments of this age are: a sense of adulthood; development of self-awareness, formation of an ideal personality; tendency to reflect; interest in the opposite sex, puberty; increased excitability, frequent mood swings; special development of volitional qualities; the need for self-affirmation and self-improvement, in activities that have personal meaning; self-determination.

Feeling of adulthood -

the teenager's attitude towards himself as an adult. The teenager wants adults to treat him not as a child, but as an adult (for more details on this, see 10.1).

Development of self-awareness, formation of an ideal personality

aimed at making a person aware of his personal characteristics. This is determined by the teenager’s special, critical attitude towards his shortcomings. The desired self-image usually consists of the valued qualities and virtues of other people. But since his role models are both adults and peers, the image turns out to be contradictory. It turns out that this image requires a combination of the character traits of an adult and a young person, and this is not always compatible in one person. Perhaps this is the reason for the teenager’s inconsistency with his ideal, which is a reason for worry.

Tendency to reflect (self-knowledge).

A teenager’s desire to know himself often leads to a loss of mental balance. The main form of self-knowledge is comparing oneself with other people, adults and peers, a critical attitude towards oneself, as a result of which a psychological crisis develops. A teenager has to go through mental anguish, during which his self-esteem is formed and his place in society is determined. His behavior is regulated by self-esteem formed during communication with others. When developing self-esteem, much attention is paid to internal criteria. As a rule, it is contradictory in younger adolescents, so their behavior is characterized by unmotivated actions.

Interest in the opposite sex, puberty.

During adolescence, relationships between boys and girls change.
Now they show interest in each other as representatives of the opposite sex. Therefore, teenagers begin to pay great attention to their appearance: clothes, hairstyle, figure, demeanor, etc. At first, interest in the opposite sex manifests itself in an unusual way: boys begin to bully girls, who, in turn, complain about boys, fight with them, call them names, speak unflatteringly about them. This behavior brings pleasure to both. Over time, the relationship between them changes: .
Girls, earlier than boys, begin to worry about the question: “Who likes who?” This is due to the faster physiological development of girls. In late adolescence, romantic relationships arise between boys and girls. They write notes and letters to each other, make dates, walk the streets together, go to the movies. As a result, they have a need to become better, they begin to engage in self-improvement and self-education.

Further physiological development leads to the fact that sexual attraction may arise between boys and girls, characterized by a certain undifferentiation (promiscuity) and increased excitability. This often leads to an internal conflict between the teenager’s desire to master new forms of behavior, in particular physical contact, and prohibitions on such relationships, both external - from parents, and internal - from their own taboos. However, sexual relationships are of great interest to teenagers. And the weaker the internal “brakes” and the less developed the sense of responsibility for oneself and others, the sooner the readiness for sexual contacts with representatives of both one’s own and the opposite sex arises.

A high degree of tension before and after sexual intercourse is the strongest test for a teenager’s psyche. First sexual contacts can have a great impact on the entire subsequent intimate life of an adult, so it is very important that they are colored with positive memories and are positive.

Increased excitability, frequent mood swings.

Physiological changes, a sense of adulthood, changes in relationships with adults, the desire to escape from their care, reflection - all this leads to the fact that the emotional state of a teenager becomes unstable. This is expressed in frequent changes in mood, increased excitability, “explosiveness,” tearfulness, aggressiveness, negativity or, conversely, apathy, indifference, and indifference.

Development of strong-willed qualities.

During adolescence, children begin to intensively engage in self-education. This is especially typical for boys - the ideal of masculinity becomes one of the main ones for them. At the age of 11–12 years, boys love to watch adventure films or read related books. They try to imitate heroes who have masculinity, courage, and willpower. In older adolescence, the main focus is on self-development of the necessary volitional qualities. Boys devote a lot of time to sports activities associated with great physical exertion and risk, those that require extraordinary willpower and courage.

There is some consistency in the formation of volitional qualities. First, the basic dynamic physical qualities develop: strength, speed and reaction speed, then the qualities associated with the ability to withstand large and long-term loads: endurance, endurance, patience and perseverance. And only then more complex and subtle volitional qualities are formed: concentration, concentration, efficiency. At first, at the age of 10–11 years, a teenager simply admires the presence of these qualities in others; at 11–12 years old, he declares a desire to possess such qualities and at 12–13 years old he begins to self-train his will. The most active age for developing volitional qualities is the period from 13 to 14 years.

The need for self-affirmation and self-improvement in activities that have personal meaning. Self-determination.

Adolescence is also significant because it is at this age that skills, abilities, and business qualities are developed, and the choice of a future profession occurs. At this age, children show an increased interest in various activities, a desire to do something with their own hands, increased curiosity, and the first dreams of a future profession appear. Primary professional interests arise in study and work, which creates favorable conditions for the formation of the necessary business qualities.

Children at this age experience increased cognitive and creative activity.

They strive to learn something new, to learn something and try to do it well, they begin to improve their knowledge, skills and abilities. Similar processes also take place outside of school, with teenagers acting both independently (they design, build, draw, etc.) and with the help of adults or older friends. The need to do things “like adults” stimulates teenagers to self-education, self-improvement, and self-service. A job done well receives the approval of others, which leads to self-affirmation among adolescents.

Adolescents have a differentiated attitude towards learning.

This is due to their level of intellectual development, fairly broad outlook, volume and strength of knowledge, professional inclinations and interests. Therefore, selectivity arises in relation to school subjects: some become loved and needed, while interest in others decreases. The attitude towards the subject is also influenced by the personality of the teacher.

New teaching motives appear,

associated with expanding knowledge, developing the necessary skills and abilities that allow you to engage in interesting work and independent creative work.

is formed .

In the future, they determine the content of the teenager’s activities, the scope of his communication, the selectivity of his attitude towards people, the assessment of these people and self-esteem. Older teenagers begin the process of professional self-determination.

In adolescence, organizational skills, efficiency, enterprise, the ability to establish business contacts, negotiate joint ventures, distribute responsibilities, etc. begin to develop. These qualities can develop in any field of activity in which a teenager is involved: in learning, work, play.

By the end of adolescence, the process of self-determination is practically completed, and some skills necessary for further professional development are formed.

Table of contents

Features of the transition period

For girls

What happens to girls during adolescence:

looking for themselves, their own style, experimenting with appearance and clothing, striving to attract attention;
interest in boys as objects of the opposite sex appears, the first love arises;
mood swings often occur: unbridled joy is replaced by deep melancholy;
increased anxiety appears associated with school performance, answers at the board, relationships with classmates;
strive to independently resolve problems without the help of adults.

In boys

What happens to boys during adolescence:

become aggressive, rude, angry due to increased production of the male hormone - testosterone;
concerned about their appearance
they strive to amaze others with bold actions and are prone to posing;
often demonstrate protest behavior: skipping classes, running away from home;
try alcohol, cigarettes, smoking mixtures;
strive to belong to the “group”, to be part of it.

Features of adolescent development

Puberty is considered one of the most difficult periods in a child’s development. During puberty, a child begins to develop into an adult. This is reflected in all aspects of a teenager’s life, affecting anatomical and physical formation, intellectual and moral development, etc. Adolescence is also reflected in educational, work and play activities.

Since during puberty the whole life of a child changes, his psyche also adapts, old foundations are broken and new ones appear. Studying becomes more difficult due to more serious requirements, increased workload and new subjects. As a result, the child is forced to learn to think deeper, generalize and give arguments.

Also, the child’s principles, worldview, certain social position, and position in the environment change. In his home circle, his opinion becomes more significant, along with this, new demands are made, which become more serious every year.

With increased school workload, the teenager's intelligence became more and more refined. Previously unprecedented modifications of character arise, he begins to think, analyze situations, reason, and so on. The period of maturation of a child’s personality is directly related to puberty, which makes the situation much more complicated.

Puberty issues

Puberty (puberty) in adolescents is associated with the active production of sex hormones in both boys and girls. Hormonal changes entail changes in the physique, personality, and behavior of the child.

What is the period of puberty characterized by:

the appearance of the first menstruation in girls and nocturnal emissions in boys;
changes in height and weight;
active work of the sebaceous glands, which often causes acne;
development of mammary glands and rounding of hips in girls;
the appearance of hair on the armpits and genitals;
muscle development in boys;
increased activity of the sweat glands and, as a result, the appearance of a sharp, unpleasant odor of sweat.

“Storm of hormones” entails such symptoms of adolescence as:

increased interest in the opposite sex, including erotic interest;
mood swings;
worries about appearance;
aggressiveness, irritability, outbursts of anger.

During this period, it is important for parents to:

put aside shyness and discuss all issues related to puberty. It is better if mom or dad touches on these “sensitive” topics than if the child is “enlightened” by the Internet;
Under no circumstances should you shame your son or daughter for their increased interest in sexuality. Many parents are horrified when they catch their son masturbating or their daughter watching a porn film. There is nothing terrible about this. Your child is growing. If earlier he was interested in cars, dolls and Legos, today he is interested in the relationship between a man and a woman;
Do not ridicule the child’s experiences regarding his appearance. It is better to remind your son or daughter once again that all ugly ducklings someday turn into beautiful swans, you just need to wait a little;
If a teenager is very worried about acne and excess weight, it is worth visiting an endocrinologist.

Overcoming a crisis period: advice from a psychologist

Take advice from a psychologist. What will help overcome the crisis?

To do this, the child will have to complete a number of tasks

Positive relationships with peers, friendships.
Accepting your own appearance.
Acceptance of one’s gender, awareness of what the female and male social roles are.
Friendly, trusting contact with parents.
Acquiring responsibility and initiative.
Awareness of your abilities, choice of profession.

Without the help of parents, it is difficult to get through the crisis safely. Father and mother should recognize that their child is a separate, independent person. Change your behavior model if you see acute rejection of the previous model.

The above completed tasks indicate that the crisis has been overcome. The role of parents in this is great - a lot depends on their behavior. Does your son or daughter need advice or conversation? Don't push them away by thinking the problem is stupid and not worth bothering with. What is trivial to you can be incredibly meaningful to a high school student. Later he will understand the insignificance of the situation, but now it is of great importance to him.

Often a teenager unknowingly tests his parents’ strength. If you want to gain the authority and respect of your daughter or son, it all depends on your behavior. Prohibitions must be justified and observed. Warnings are real and implemented. It’s stupid to say: “I’ll kill you if you don’t come back on time and without warning,” or to threaten to “turn off the Internet” without subsequent implementation. The teenager begins to perceive all words spoken by his parents as empty. There is no longer any talk about authority and respect.

He should understand in advance what the consequences of violations are. Voice threats that you are ready and able to carry out - keep your word. For example, this could be deprivation of something for a certain time: computer games, watching TV, a short walk with friends, etc.

There's no point in getting carried away. Sanctions and punishments are extreme measures. It is much better if you establish a relationship of trust with your child. Trust, requests, a spirit of support, respect and cooperation are preferable to orders. It is difficult to achieve close and warm relationships if mistakes were made at the previous age stage.

What dangers await children and parents?

Now let's talk about those things that aggravate a child's adolescence and which parents should pay special attention to:

Bullying at school

A withdrawn and shy child can become an object of bullying, while a cruel and aggressive child can act as a bully. And absolutely all teenagers can act as observers.

The dangers of social networks

Social networks are something that modern children cannot imagine their lives without. But they also carry a certain threat.

A child may face both online bullying and offers to join “death groups” or take part in a game. Recently, an extremely dangerous game called “Run or Die” has become widespread on social networks. Its meaning is as follows: one teenager must cross the road in front of moving traffic, and do it as close as possible, and the second must film this moment on video. After this, the video is posted in the appropriate group, and the participant receives an assessment of his “feat”.

Getting into bad company

Teenagers strive to be involved in the group, to become part of. Therefore, there is a great danger that your child will end up in an “inappropriate” company, where young people commit illegal acts, use alcohol, drugs or smoking mixtures.

Make sure that your child does not associate with bad company and does not harm his health. Install the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores.

Early sexual life

Increased interest in the opposite sex, curiosity and hormonal surges often contribute to early sexual contacts in adolescence.

Replacing the real world with a virtual one

Faced with misunderstanding of parents and lack of friends, the child withdraws more and more into himself. For him, immersion in virtual reality is protection from the outside world. In computer games, a teenager “realizes” himself: he accomplishes “feats,” “earns money,” and becomes successful.

Suicidal thoughts

The appearance of thoughts about death in adolescents is associated with conflicts in the family, bullying at school, first love, and lack of friendly relations with classmates.

Decline in school performance

Against the background of a hormonal surge and restructuring of the body, adolescents often experience a decrease in cognitive abilities and loss of interest in learning. In severe cases, asthenic syndrome may develop - increased fatigue, sleep disturbances, frequent headaches, and autonomic disorders.

Disadaptation

Disadaptation, that is, problems with accepting a new social situation and entering into it, is a normative phenomenon of adolescence. This arises against the background of uneven development of personality spheres. Disadaptation manifests itself:

criticism of oneself and others;
hypersensitivity;
vulnerability;
aggressiveness;
instability of desires and moods;
intrapersonal conflicts (the most popular is “Who am I?”).

A teenager strives to know himself, which results in a craving for peers (clubs of interests, subcultures, multiple acquaintances). That is, a teenager receives information about himself by looking at his peers.

All teenagers are explorers. They study the world, themselves, and other people. Sometimes introspection takes an extreme option and turns into self-examination and self-flagellation.

It was experimentally revealed that adolescents who are anxious, insecure, uncommunicative, withdrawn, overly controlling themselves and feeling guilty have problems with adaptation.
An average level of adaptation was noted in unstable adolescents with an average level of self-control, prone to dominance and aggression.
Successful adaptation is characterized by confident, sociable, non-anxious adolescents with adequate self-esteem and level of self-control.

Sometimes normative maladjustment drags on, and then, as a rule, we are talking about deviant behavior.

How to help your child survive adolescence?

Parents' mistakes in education

As we have already said, it is also not easy for parents to survive the period of growing up of their son or daughter. Therefore, many, often unconsciously, with their phrases or actions break the threads of love and trust that connect them with the child.

What parents of teenagers are not recommended to do:

Criticize and prohibit the child’s communication with friends (“I don’t like this Vasya of yours, he studies poorly and dresses sloppily. I don’t want you to be friends with him”).
Make fun of your appearance and clothes (“Why did you wear so much makeup for school? You look like a clown”).
Excessively control all areas of the child’s life (“Who called you just now? Come on, quickly show me the phone”).
Treat like a small child (“It’s too early for you to know about this. When you grow up, then we’ll talk”).
Ignore the teenager’s worries (“Why are you crying in the bedroom again? Better go do your homework”).
Compare with peers, classmates, children of acquaintances (“But Nastya from your class studies with straight A’s and helps her mother around the house, but you only have boys on your mind”).

How parents should behave during this difficult period

The psychology of a teenager is such that he will defend his opinion in any situation, even if he is wrong. Therefore, try to talk to your child in a calm tone, without breaking into shouting and accusations. Listen to his point of view and together with him find a suitable solution to the conflict.

The position of the parents is important; you need to understand the child as himself during this period. The task is to quietly transform relationships into friendships. Having a heart-to-heart talk as friends is the only true way, and slowly. By speaking honestly about your childhood, you will find a mutual interest in communicating about this period as you transition into adulthood.
The goal is to establish an internal connection, which I think is important for all parents to maintain,
– Oksana Tumadin,
expert psychologist.

Talk to your child more often about all the changes that are happening to him. Most parents do not do this, leaving the teenager alone with his experiences. Cover the topics of falling in love for the first time, the beginning of sexual activity, the use of alcohol and psychotropic substances. Explain to him that not everything that friends try or recommend trying is safe and will not cause harm.
Support your child in any endeavors and hobbies (except those that may harm him). Even if they seem stupid and frivolous to you. It is not necessary to separate them, the main thing is to respect the child’s choice.
Treat your teenager like an adult, even if you don't think of him as one. Give him freedom to make decisions, but let him not forget about responsibility for his actions.
Move from the “above” to the “beside” position. Become a friend, an older comrade for the child.
Your child is growing up and moving away from you. Do not try to stop this process with prohibitions and excessive control over his life.
Pay attention to what your child is doing on social media. You should not read his correspondence - this is a personal matter. But you have every right to know what groups and communities he is in and whether there is danger in them.
Frequent conflicts with a child in most cases arise due to excessive control and when parents begin to interfere too actively in his life.

In order to get rid of excessive control and stop conflicts with a teenager, give him freedom of movement. And in order not to worry about your child and know where he is when he doesn’t answer the phone, install the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores.

If all your conversations with your child boil down to discussing grades at school and criticism for the mess in the room and unwashed dishes, you risk losing a trusting relationship with your son or daughter.

Joint walks, trips, hikes, and heart-to-heart conversations will help establish relationships with a teenager much faster than moralizing conversations.
Yes, you may not like your child's friends. But criticizing or prohibiting communication with them is not the best way out of the situation. The teenager will perceive this as another attack on his independence and autonomy in choosing friends.

Actions define people. Not words, not thoughts, but actions, and when teenagers make a conclusion about someone, they proceed from the actions of people. They are like scanners that determine whether a person is sincere or fake. Due to their clear vision and keen sense of reality, they conflict with people and resist going where they do not need to go. They resist consciously and you only need to understand your child through observation and conversation, because it is during adolescence that a system of values and principles is built by which he will then live,
– Oksana Tumadin,
expert psychologist.

If your child’s adolescence is particularly difficult, your son or daughter is increasingly moving away from you, walks around depressed and often cries - be sure to seek help from a psychologist! These may be signs of bullying at school, conflicts with peers, or the appearance of depressive and suicidal thoughts in a teenager.

If a child falls into bad company

Don't panic. Ask yourself: is this company bad for me or for my child? If a teenager receives respect, recognition and support there, he will strive with all his might to continue to be in this company.
Get to know your son or daughter's friends better, invite them to visit or go out into nature. Perhaps your opinion about them will change.
Remember: prohibitions and threats will not help! The child will still communicate with his company, but secretly from you.
If your worst fears have been confirmed, and your child has indeed become involved with bad company, your main task is to regain a trusting relationship with your son or daughter and try to find out the reason why this company attracts him so much.
Try to interest your teenager in other exciting things: sports, music, programming.
If you find out that your child is a member of a religious sect or has contacted a criminal group, do not hesitate at all! Change school, area of residence or city so that the child is not tempted to return to his old “friends”.

Psychology of teenage boys

The adolescence of the sons of Adam consists of the transformation of boys into adult husbands. At this stage, biological maturation occurs, which coincides with the emergence of new interests and disappointment in former hobbies.

Young teenagers are leaving their childhood, there is no understanding of what will happen to them next, so they feel discomfort.

During puberty, boys experience active growth: hormonal levels change, the voice “breaks,” and the skeleton grows.

It is this stage that is manifested by the extreme intolerance of young men and their reluctance to help those who are different. For teenage boys, their appearance becomes important, so if there are problems with their appearance, then there will be trouble. Because there will definitely be boys who are ready to laugh, and others who are ready to support them in this fun.

Such teenage problems are not uncommon. They are an important psychological basis of the period under review. Due to rapid hormonal changes, teenagers often develop acne and gain weight. Boys suffer from uncontrollable erections.

In addition to physical transformations, sexual and hormonal metamorphoses, other changes occur with the child. His views on existence change, questions that previously were of no interest to him begin to concern him. The danger of this stage lies in exaggerating one’s own abilities, since to yesterday’s children everything seems more rosy, accessible and simple.

This age is characterized by the emergence of a “gap” between common sense and emotions. Underdevelopment of the prefrontal zone during puberty explains the emergence of major problems in behavioral response. Therefore, teenagers are often unable to correctly analyze the situation only due to the immaturity of their nervous processes.

What actually happens to teenagers - determining the inner age of your child

Oksana Tumadin, expert psychologist, author of a unique method for unlocking personal potential and uniqueness:

To better understand what happens to teenagers, let's look at the internal ages. G. Gurdjieff formulated more than 100 years ago the seven internal levels of man. Many parents will understand their children, help them go through adolescence without stress for both parties and move into a conscious adult world without losing their childish spontaneity. It is this childlike spontaneity in life that gives success, good luck, joy of life, joy from one’s achievements.

Baby

“Baby” is a person who does not want to take responsibility and lives only to satisfy his needs. You've probably all seen older people who demand extra attention to themselves, turning the lives of those around them into hell. This is exactly the level of a baby, which means that a person, having gone through his entire life, has not matured.

Child

The “child” already lives for the family, but lives according to schemes, recommendations, rules - for him everything should be clear and put in order. It is the “Child” who takes care of the adult “Babies”, based on the rules laid down in generations.

Teenager

The “teenager” wants to reach new heights, stand out from the crowd, and experience life. The teenager tries to develop his greatest strengths and abilities. But often he still lacks awareness of ethics and the rules of human communication and relationships, because of this, the ways to achieve his goals are sometimes not environmentally friendly.

Teenagers do not respect authorities. In relationships they can show their superiority. Often adults remain “Teenagers” - this is expressed in the forced submission of others to their rules.

young man

Next comes the “Youth” level. A person begins to think about the meaning of life, often moves away from material dependence in order to learn other values. If the previous levels have been correctly assimilated, then the boy (girl) is aware in all areas of life, understands everything they need to do, where to go and why.

If the previous levels are not completed, then teenagers become lazy and stop doing ordinary tasks in relation to family, work, and school.

Adult

The “adult” connects all the previous levels and knows how to manage them. He is responsible for his life, for his family, relationships, work. Can guide teenagers and young men to go in the right direction.

There is still selfishness in “Adult”, and sometimes it condemns everyone who is irresponsible or does not understand basic things in relation to life.

Psychological withdrawal

What difficulties do teenagers experience in communication, and why do they come into conflict with the outside world? This is explained by the peculiarities of their worldview. If adults correctly understand the different motives of youthful actions, then it will be easier for them to build behavior with children and find ways to resolve conflicts.

Adolescent self-esteem

Teenagers' opinions about themselves are biased and exaggerated. They are only trying to understand themselves as an individual in the world around them, to determine their place in society and their course of action. The sense of self-awareness is not fully formed and is unstable. Therefore, schoolchildren in adolescence can be overly touchy and react unconstructively to criticism. Unfair remarks from teachers and peers can deeply hurt and leave a mark for the rest of your life.

Internal conflict

Against the background of immature self-esteem, internal conflict arises. The teenager is dissatisfied with his behavior and suffers from the negative opinions of others about himself. But he is often unable to admit mistakes. This is where internal crisis, self-rejection, and depression occur.

Denial of reality

Emotional immaturity, exaggeration of existing problems, conflicts with family and peers often provoke withdrawn behavior in schoolchildren. When children are unable to cope with difficulties on their own and do not find understanding or help from those around them, they often withdraw into their own world, become uncommunicative, depressed, and aggressive. In this state, they deny reality, do not want to participate in public life, and strive for solitude.

Boys and girls - end of puberty

The end of puberty (transitional age) occurs at 16-19 years. At this time, the body of boys and girls is formed according to a masculine or feminine type. They have clear ideas about themselves, often already have time to finish their studies at school and decide on their future profession.

Adolescence of a young man

Puberty is accompanied by active changes in the body. Sex hormones are produced in large quantities, muscles develop, and the voice changes. The young man becomes strong and resilient. Hair appears on the face, chest and other parts of the body.

A difficulty in the final stage of puberty can be increased sexual activity. Against the background of hormonal changes, young men often show impatience, rudeness, and uncontrollable behavior. Regular sports and visiting a psychological support group help teenagers relieve emotional and physical stress at this age.

At the end of puberty, a father, grandfather, coach or other man he respects becomes an important figure in a boy’s life. An older comrade has the opportunity to influence the young man, pass on his experience to him, and form a harmonious personality.

Girl growing up

The period of sexual development in girls ends at 15-16 years, sometimes a little earlier. Girls have a feminine appearance and are ready to reproduce.

Most girls are attractive, but they don't realize it. They pay great attention to flaws in appearance (rashes on the face, extra pounds), and exaggerate them.

At the same time, girls are actively interested in representatives of the stronger half of humanity. First love, the desire to prove their maturity, often force girls to commit rash acts.

The task of parents of teenagers is to maintain a friendly, trusting relationship with their children. Then adolescence will not become a problem, but will be perceived as a step towards a mature, responsible life.

Irina Sherbul

Psychology of teenage girls

During puberty, intensive growth of the body and hormonal changes occur. Therefore, many girls begin to gain weight, their bodies become rounded, becoming more feminine.

Since the body does not have time to quickly adapt to the ongoing metamorphoses, it has to work hard. Hence, girls experience increased fatigue, drowsiness and apathy. Chronic illnesses may also worsen or new ones may appear.

The condition of the skin may worsen due to an increase in the production of estrogen and progesterone, which also negatively affects the emotional state of the child. This stage is also marked by the appearance of the first menstruation, which is often accompanied by pain and weakness.

All processes occurring in the body inevitably affect the children's nervous system. In addition, far-fetched shortcomings such as excess weight, problem skin, and the appearance of sweat odor negatively affect the self-esteem of a teenage girl. This is fertile ground for the emergence of various complexes in a teenage girl.

Due to the increased production of sex hormones, the emotional background of girls is unstable, its various forms can change every second - from apathy to joyful causeless excitement, from tearfulness to obvious aggression.

Teenage girls are often depressed. They are convinced that everything is bad for them. Girls are often prone to tearfulness. They often feel hatred and irritation towards those closest to them.

Their memory deteriorates, their concentration decreases, and their ability to express their thoughts is impaired.

Girls who are at the described stage of growing up often resemble three-year-old children in their own actions and words. You can often hear from them: “I myself,” “don’t meddle with me,” “leave me alone.”