Girls are fragile, sophisticated, very emotional creatures. The impressionability and suspiciousness of the fair half is known to many men firsthand. Sometimes you can offend a girl with just one word, and sometimes absolute inaction can become a reason for offending. In other words, you seem to have done absolutely nothing, but you are already to blame!
The subtlety of a woman’s mental organization suggests an increased degree of vulnerability. That is why she is able to react so sharply to any body movements of her life partner. And she may take some really significant mistake of her young man especially seriously. A natural question arises: “What to do if you seriously offended a girl? How to make peace?"
Reasons for the scandal
In order to understand how to correctly approach the process of reconciliation with a girl after a scandal provoked by you, you should understand the reasons for the upset of your passion. Quite often, only the visible part of those claims that are brought to the fore as a catalyst for a quarrel lies on the surface. But in fact, the roots of the problem may go much deeper, and as a result, the reasons for such a reaction from the woman you love may be completely different from what they seem at first glance. You may initially not even suspect how deeply you hurt and offended her.
How to apologize to a girl if you messed up a lot? First you need to do two things:
- analyze what happened, remember all the words said by the girl during the confrontation;
- understand the additional hints, fragments of phrases thrown by her - they may contain a much deeper meaning with the true reasons for your lady’s grief.
Advice from psychologists
Psychology is the science of human behavior and relationships. Psychologists advise trying to cool the intensity of passions by resorting to a frank conversation. If the lady of your heart does not want to communicate, then you can take a break to calm down both.
After a short break, make some pleasant surprise. This could be a gorgeous bouquet of flowers delivered by courier to work or ordering a romantic song on the radio. Perhaps she had some desire that she mentioned in passing, but the guy did not pay attention to it. At the time of a quarrel, the fulfillment of a cherished dream can be an excellent impetus for renewing the relationship.
The conflict that has arisen is not yet a reason to break off relations. Misunderstandings and quarrels happen to all couples, so you should not dramatize the disagreement that has arisen, both for girls and boys. If feelings still remain, then you need to give each other a chance to restore the former connection.
Developing an action plan
Having decided on the reasons for such a sharp reaction to the situation you provoked, which resulted in a scandal, develop a strategic plan of action. Tactical steps must be based on specific reasons and prerequisites for misunderstanding. The entire scheme of reconciliation measures will depend on how much you offended your loved one.
How to apologize to a girl if you messed up a lot? The first priority after finding out the specific cause of the offense is a clear and constructive understanding of how to act correctly. Don’t get too hot, don’t rush to run to her to apologize and knock on the threshold of her house, let the person cool down. Otherwise, you will only aggravate her hostile feelings towards you and, as they say, add fuel to the fire. In the meantime, work on developing a plan to achieve consensus.
Preparatory stage
Before apologizing, you need to think everything over and prepare for the conversation.
- Any action of a person must be balanced and carefully thought out.
- Before asking for forgiveness, you need to think through a plan of action.
- If you decide to apologize using words, you need to think about what names will be appropriate in this situation, make sure that they are convincing, will be sufficiently emotional, not hysterical, and will not contain obscene words.
- You need to remember words like “sorry”, “excuse me”. The offended young lady will definitely expect something like this.
- Before making an appointment with your loved one, you also need to think through the answers to the questions that may be asked. The girl may be interested in:
- Do you know what the reason for the offense was;
- what exactly allowed you to behave this way;
- How do you plan to avoid such behavior in the future?
Repentance
Before you apologize to a girl if you messed up badly, you need to wait a certain pause. Immediately after the scandal has flared up, she will not want, and simply will not be able to listen to you and objectively judge the appropriateness of the arguments you have given. Let some time pass. A day, two, a week - each couple has its own time threshold for significance in a relationship. However, it is important that she lives this time with the thought that you are full of remorse, that you still consider her the only and most beloved.
I seriously offended a girl: what should I write to her? If during the quarrel she slammed the door in your face or rushed headlong away from you, just so as not to continue this blatant scandal, it means that her emotions are at the peak of the explosion. Give her a few minutes to come to her senses. Send a short message that reflects the meaninglessness of the grievances and hints to her that without her you will lose the joy of life. Let it be a phrase like: “I still love you very much,” or something like “I was wrong,” “Forgive me for my jealousy,” “I behaved like a fool. I repent."
In a word, at this stage there is no need to write long petitions: you are both emotional, just let her survive this hitch and cool down in the thought that you still realize the extent of your mistake and are ready to atone for your guilt. In this case, this will be the most correct tactic of behavior: giving time to think and a brief phrase about your repentance.
Don't worry, we'll sort it out now.
Still from the film “One Day”
So, you hurt her, made her cry, and now she's trying to forget your name. We understand that the situation is not simple, but getting out of it without losses is quite possible. In this article, we decided to tell you how to apologize to a girl while maintaining a relationship and a head on your shoulders.
But before you want to take our advice, remember one important rule: ask the girl for forgiveness only if you fully admit your guilt and are ready to make amends for it with all consciousness.
If this sounds like you, let’s move on to practical recommendations.
Actions
When you're thinking about how to apologize to a girl if you messed up badly, pay attention to real men's actions. Just don’t naively believe that a tearful, sad audio recording thrown on her wall on VK or deleting a profile on Instagram is considered such. Take serious, meaningful steps.
If the cause of the scandal was a broken shelf that your woman has been asking you to fix for the past two months, silently take it and fix it: let her at least see that her offense has touched you and you are not indifferent to her protest. If the reason is your immense jealousy and your ban on her attending partner dances, give her this freedom, show that you trust her - send her a subscription to her favorite ballroom dancing hall by courier. In a word, let her know that you have accepted that you were wrong and are ready to compromise.
Examples of apologies
How exactly to ask for forgiveness will directly depend on what happened. Here are four examples of apologies.
- Forgive me, I understand that my actions greatly offended you. I will not justify my behavior. I understand that this is impossible. Please remember the good times we had together. Is it really because of my rash action that everything needs to be crossed out?
- Forgive me for the way I acted. These actions were based on natural instincts. I want you to understand that I don’t need anyone but you. I looked in the direction of your friend only out of curiosity. I love you, other girls don’t exist for me.
- Sorry for being rude. At that moment I was very busy and could not give you the attention you deserve. To a greater extent, you fell under the hot hand. I recognize that such behavior is unacceptable. I shouldn't have offended you. I'm ashamed that I couldn't control my emotions. I promise that I will start working on myself so that this doesn’t happen again.
- Sorry for the inappropriate joke. I didn't think at all that she might be unpleasant for you. I will not do such rash things in the future. Please forgive me.
Planfulness and perseverance
If you wrote one apologetic SMS message to your beloved girl, whom you offended, and believe that this is the end of your act of reconciliation, you are deeply mistaken. Planfulness and perseverance are your two main weapons in the fight against women’s grievances. Remind yourself constantly: it shouldn’t be intrusive, but it shouldn’t be too dry either. Let your girlfriend feel that what happened between you hurt you too. That you have already realized the extent of your responsibility for the pain you caused her.
Take more and more steps towards finding a compromise between you. Look for a meeting with her. Call her. Even if she does not agree to see you or pick up the phone, this does not mean that everything is over. You just need to prepare her and, as they say, “warm up” her feelings with a show of tenderness and care on your part.
How to ask for forgiveness: other ways
You've apologized with words, and it's time to try new ways to get the relationship back. For the sake of a worthwhile girl, you can safely do something different.
After all, the harder you try to earn forgiveness, the higher the chances of success will be. Briefly about other methods:
1.
Write a letter in your own words asking for forgiveness again, keeping in mind some of the rules above. It will be very romantic if the text is on a separate sheet of paper and in a beautiful envelope. However, a cute postcard or a funny toy folded using the origami technique that needs to be unfolded to be read will also work.
2.
A message created in verse will look very touching. The other half can feel like a real lady for whom the knight wrote poetry. Also, a beautiful syllable will show how long you tried and thought about it in the process of finding rhymes.
3.
The two previous options can be secretly delivered to your loved one either individually or together with a soft toy, a luxurious bouquet of flowers, or a box of expensive sweets or chocolate. Hint: you don’t need to give a girl soft toys if you have never seen them with her before. She won't appreciate it.
4.
A method for artists, musicians, photographers and other creative individuals who know how to create beauty. Nothing will remind you of a person more than a gift made by him with his own hand. You can send your girl a drawing, compose and play a melody, print out your shared photos or pictures from her favorite places, cut a bracelet out of wood, etc.
5.
Organize a romantic dinner by candlelight and prepare at least a few dishes for it yourself. It will come in especially handy after a hard day at work for the second half.
The list goes on and on, but the main thing that will help improve relationships is sincerity, care, the ability to keep your word and attention to your beloved and your relationship.
Showing attention
But how to show this attention correctly in such a situation? There are several very correct directions in which a guilty guy can unmistakably move:
- Her parents. If you have a good relationship with the mother of your girlfriend, act through her. A visit to her with a gift and an intimate conversation will have an effect. Offer to go fishing with her father if he is a fan of such activities. Word by word, you can talk to him about your disagreement, and he, in turn, will have a conversation with his daughter.
- Solving her problems. For example, if she has been complaining to you for a long time about her neighbor and his walks with a muzzled dog, now is the time to take action. Have a conversation with the careless dog breeder, make him apologize to your lady love. His visit with an apology will definitely make an impression on her.
- Giving help. Have you known for a long time that she has been planning to move? Organize your friends, send them to her house on the important day. Let them help her pack, transport and unload furniture and personal items. This will be quite useful, and will clearly tell her how much you care about her life and her problems.
We have given only particular possible situations that would help an offended girl look at the young man who offended her from the other side and soften her heart. Cases and circumstances may be different, but the meaning is clear: such small manifestations of attention will help her dull her pain, brighten up disappointment and replace anger with mercy.
In a letter
Sometimes it’s very difficult for a guy to get over himself and say “I’m sorry” to a girl. In such situations, a handwritten message will help you apologize correctly. It could be:
- a note attached to the mirror or left on the refrigerator, on the table;
- message on social network;
- letter sent by email;
- a romantic option - an ordinary paper letter left in the mailbox;
- You can send a courier to her home with a bouquet of flowers, which will contain a note of apology.
Presence effect
How to apologize to a girl in an original way? You can use the tricks of avid romantics and love adventurers: create the effect of presence in her daily life. How to do it?
Over the course of a long relationship or life together, you have probably managed to learn several mandatory “rituals” for her daily pastime.
Does she like morning jogs along the embankment? Leave her some sign that can tell her that you were here today. On the coastal bench near which she does her warm-up, leave the usual box of food for the dabbling ducks, which you sometimes pamper together while jogging together. Memories of you will come flooding back to her, the girl will feel longing for the old days and will probably be touched.
Does she like to drink a cup of coffee without sugar and eat a croissant with raspberry jam during a break from work in the cafe next door to the office? At lunchtime, book her a table with a delicious duet of her favorite foods already prepared. Notify the administrator in advance. She will be pleasantly surprised that you remember her every second and skillfully try to win her back.
Create the effect of presence in her daily life. Such steps will be unobtrusive and will fit quite well into her measured rhythm, giving you the opportunity to reflect on how you are actively trying to apologize to her beautifully.
Listen to your girlfriend's position
As you already understand, it is unlikely that your apology will be one big sentimental monologue. It is quite possible that at some point your girlfriend will want to express her opinion about what happened, in which case her reaction will most likely develop in two possible scenarios.
First scenario
(desired) - you will still manage to beg for forgiveness, and she will become emotional, forgive you and begin to talk about her experiences and reverent attitude towards you. Don't interrupt her and listen to the end.
Second scenario
(more likely) - you will have to answer for the insult caused to her, humbly bowing your head and listening to everything you deserve. There will be strict criticism and accusations, which you will have to accept with courage, in no case falling into a similar tone. If you suddenly allow yourself to confront her, it means that you have lost and failed the task. Your apology is unlikely to be accepted, so you'll have to start all over again. However, if you endured everything with dignity, your girlfriend may soften and, most likely, forgive you.
The ability to surprise
In order to surprise your beloved, it is not at all necessary to put a sombrero on your head, learn to play the guitar and climb on a horse to perform a serenade under the windows of her house. Although this option is practically a win-win.
It is enough to do something that is absolutely not inherent in you. Surprise her by the fact that you, contrary to your principles and character, are ready to ask her for forgiveness in front of everyone. Order an apology inscription on a billboard in front of her office windows, give her an apology message on the air of her favorite radio show. Do what you were previously embarrassed to do due to your “anti-romanticism,” as you think. If you manage to surprise her, you are guaranteed to succeed in getting her forgiveness.
Finding a solution
The final step in preparing to make amends. When the main cause of the quarrel is clear, it’s time to think about how to fix everything. Try to imagine how the girl felt and what words would help better convey the reason for what happened. The optimal solution will be one that will not allow you or your significant other to experience pain about this anymore. A real man always keeps his word - if you say that this will not happen again, you must do everything so as not to break your promise. The girl will remember your words and will love and respect you even more when the promise remains valid for a long (preferably infinite) time. Otherwise, trust in the couple will be undermined, gradually and painfully bringing separation closer.
The Taming of the Shrew
If you are still asking the question: “I offended a girl: what to give?”, then do what all men usually do - give her flowers. Someone once said that this is pure banality. So, I would like to object. Almost every woman on the planet loves when she is presented with a bouquet of beautiful fragrant flowers. This ritual has a certain note of desperate romance, manifestations of love, attention, and care. You say: can’t flowers help the cause? But no one says that forgiveness will come with just one bouquet.
If you messed up badly, then the apology must be significant - send her a bouquet of flowers every day by delivery service with a few words about your apologies in a miniature postcard. Add a basket of Raffaello or delicious fresh heart-shaped cakes to your gift. If you still think that this is trivial and does not work, check it from personal experience - you will be surprised at the effectiveness and efficiency of such a seemingly simple method.
What can you give?
Nothing brings a lot of pleasant impressions like the fulfillment of a dream or small desires.
The girl will be pleased to receive as a present something that she has long wanted.
It is not necessary to present everything in person; you can send a courier or your best friend, who will certainly deliver the gift. The following are suitable for apologies:
- jewelry that the girl dreamed of;
- a trip to a sanatorium or to the sea;
- certificate for the SPA center;
- an invitation to a romantic date in a beautiful place;
- things a woman dreams of.
Gifts are accompanied by a note or card.
You shouldn’t just send any amount of money, the girl will think that they want to buy her and are unlikely to agree to make peace.
Romantic surprises
If in the house the girl constantly felt unnecessary and superfluous, and in addition, her loved one changed or led a riotous lifestyle, it’s time to remember romance. The tension and expectation of a catch, betrayal must change. A SPA subscription, bouquets, gifts, surprises and surprises available in the city will help you remember how it all began. It should be unusual or recreate a first date or even a wedding.
An excellent solution is to re-order a painting ceremony or even a wedding. The important step must be sincere, it is an act of atonement, and not a way to make amends and bribe her. Whatever your budget and imagination allows will be appropriate. Even the fulfillment of old promises will please you and help you look at your partner differently. Even if he stumbled, he repented of his offense.
