The word stress seems to have become an integral part of our daily lives. And completely in vain. After all, if you look at it, in general we have no reasons for stress, believes Elizaveta Artemyeva.
Recently I happened to be traveling on a train with an 85-year-old incredibly sweet lady. She got married in the late 30s, in 1948 her husband died, and she was left alone with three children. When I asked how she survived all the stress that befell her in those years until the children grew up and became independent, she looked at me for a long time and puzzled. And then she began to tell how various kind people helped her, how she worked two jobs (taught at school and also at evening courses), but the children grew up and were such great people, and she had four grandchildren... “I wouldn’t say that I had a lot of stress, or whatever you call it now,” she said.
I listened with my mouth open. We all: me, my sister, my friends are under stress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We have wonderful children, more or less large and spacious apartments, sweet, caring husbands. The worst thing that happened to me in the last month was, say, a broken rear-view mirror on my car. We, of course, are not millionaires, but the children are wearing shoes, clothing, eating well, and they have plenty of toys.
And I asked myself: has family life become a source of stress today? Or are we just a generation of whiners? American psychologists, for example, assert with all responsibility that for representatives of the middle class in the United States, raising children and all the associated troubles are guaranteed to cause stress. Why? Young parents constantly find themselves in a situation where they need to make a certain decision. Did my 85-year-old friend have a choice? She is alone, three children, no husband, two jobs... What do we have? To go to work or not to go? If you go out, when? Grandma or nanny? Or both?
Return to work after maternity leave? You need to plan your day so that you can get to the clinic with your youngest and go to training with your older one. Stay on maternity leave? Of course, you can do more. But financial problems are possible. “We have constant quarrels over money,” says Arina, mother of three sons (8 years old, 6 years old and 8 months old). “I can’t go to work: my mother-in-law helps with the elders, but she’s not ready to take on the baby. And I am, in principle, a highly paid specialist. I try to set myself up positively: think not about what we can’t afford, but about the fact that we spent money on children.”
Faithful helpers?
Of course, raising a child today is a pleasure compared to fifteen years ago. Microwave oven, bottle sterilizer, disposable diapers... But progress also has a downside. A mobile phone is a convenient thing for timely informing the nanny about the need to take the temperature again. And at the same time, the source of an untimely call from the boss at the time of feeding the offspring with porridge. And then, our precious other halves? Will they ever be useful? Psychologists are optimistic: in most European countries, men are increasingly involved in the process of caring for children. Well, great. But there is a certain nuance: we regard help as such only if we are satisfied with it. In other words, if our dear spouse puts the baby’s diaper on backwards, and at the same time everything in our soul turns upside down: do we need this kind of help? An irresistible desire arises to control the assistant like a puppet. Here's another reason for stress.
When the word “stress” first appeared in the psychologists’ dictionary, it was believed that it was caused by factors such as serious illness, loss of housing, poverty, and natural disasters. Then the stressors included divorce, death of a family member, and job loss. But at the same time, a huge number of women, as psychologists noted, who were not affected in any way by the above misfortunes, walked with a downcast look. This is how the theory of daily stress in family life arose. “Housework is just Sisyphean work,” says Yulia, mother of two preschoolers. “The dishes are always dirty, the washing machine never turns off, and my children never stop fighting.”
Attention to small joys
When thinking about the joys of life, most people come to mind the following pictures: a long vacation on the ocean, an unforgettable trip to European countries, winning the lottery.
It is important to learn to thank fate not only for large-scale events (they do not happen so often), but also for the priceless gifts that we receive every day, but do not attach any importance to them:
- the warmth of a loved one's hug;
- parents' smile;
- the beauty of the street after a little rain or the first snowfall;
- children's laughter on the playground caused by a kitten chasing a leaf.
You shouldn’t assume that happiness comes with an ideal life in all respects, no. Real joy is happiness where you are at the moment.
Read: How to quickly cheer yourself up
Raise the bar
We create problems for ourselves. Ask any psychotherapist, he will confirm. Why take on increased obligations? Why is it that every time at the end of December we are exhausted, as if this is the last New Year in our lives? Is anyone going to die from having a couple less salads on the table? Or children: is it really necessary to create a schedule of dance, music, swimming, English and theater classes in such a way that neither the child nor the mother has a single free minute? “When I invited guests to Lily’s birthday (she turned 4), the mother of her “colleague” in the art studio said that they would not be able to come: her Masha had her whole week booked.”
Constant work on relationships
Overall life satisfaction is determined by the quality of relationships between people. You should work on it continuously.
They can help:
- shared pleasures;
- psychological and sometimes financial support in difficult times;
- building direct, honest and open dialogue.
It is very important to look for like-minded people, strive to get close to strong and purposeful individuals, and take example of behavior from them. It has long been a known fact that personality is largely determined by two factors: upbringing and environment.
Fight and search
Of course, you have to pay for the pleasure of living in the modern high-tech world.
But you need to be able to learn useful lessons from everything. And stress is no exception. Our motives should be the most selfish. Of course, the more positive and calm the mother is, the better it is for the children. But we have to do it for ourselves. Only then will the years devoted to raising babies seem to us the most beautiful of our lives.
- Choose the right words. Never say “I'm stressed” when you simply mean something like “I have a lot to do” or “The kindergarten teacher ruined my mood.” Whatever happened that day, if you didn’t have to call an ambulance, it’s simply “not your day.” But only.
- Lower the standard. It just so happens that we are accustomed to demanding much more from ourselves than from others. So, it's time to slow down a little. You can, for example, stop making numerous New Year's greeting cards by hand. Yes, you don’t have to send them out at all. And it would not be a violation of pedagogical norms to allow children to watch cartoons for half an hour longer, and at that time do something useful for their household. Or just chat on the phone with a friend. Or read a book that everyone has been talking about for a month now, but you haven’t gotten around to opening. And sometimes it’s quite acceptable to order pizza for dinner - nutritionists will forgive us.
- Communicate more with your own husband. It's no secret that exemplary housewives and exemplary mothers do not have time to spend one-on-one time with their husbands. You can’t lead on all fronts. It remains to reconsider priorities. Set aside time for just the two of you.
- It's easier to look at things. An American proverb says: “The dumber a woman is, the cleaner her house.” Why not take note? Perfect cleanliness cannot be achieved. You can spend several years sprucing up before guests arrive, preparing a gala dinner worthy of Michelin stars, and worrying that the younger one will stain her new dress, and the older one will blurt out something stupid in front of her husband’s boss. And in the end, understand that there is nothing more wonderful than inviting guests into your home with whom you will have fun. And you can stay in your old jeans and not scrub your apartment until it shines.
- Share impressions. Run away from impeccable mothers proudly broadcasting on playgrounds about how their offspring learned to walk without any support at eight months, read at one and a half years, and have long since dressed themselves, brushed their teeth and tied their shoelaces. Choose adequate acquaintances. There is nothing more pleasant than hearing from some mother in the park: “And mine doesn’t know a single letter yet either.”
- Remember everything. Take five minutes every day to reflect on how happy you are. You have the best children in the world. Every minute spent with them is a period of absolute and boundless happiness. Remember all the wonderful, funny, ridiculous, touching things that happened to your children during the day. But remember: you should spend only five minutes on such lyrics, no more! Excessive sentimentality is also useless. You still have a lot to do today!
Elizaveta Artemyeva
Happiness shouldn't be the goal
You should stop trying to find happiness. Trying to keep up with him, trying to catch him is an absolutely pointless and useless exercise. A person’s task is to allow it to come into life, not to interfere.
Such a statement may cause confusion among people who are interested in various practices designed to teach positive thinking and build motivation.
Of course, some practices are useful, but the point is different.
The most important thing is to accept the experience that comes, not to resist uncontrollable things that happen, trying to extract useful experience from troubles, and not to become discouraged.
Happiness is not a goal; being happy is a choice that a person makes every day. Since he himself determines how to look at what is happening.
Down with the desire to constantly dominate
Building warm, cozy and truly friendly relationships is possible provided that both do not try to dominate each other... Do not try to impress or seem like someone else, more “cool”.
You are guaranteed to start feeling much happier when you stop constantly proving something to others. Naturalness is a direct path to emotional and psychological freedom.
Stop:
- argue over hypothetical things again and again;
- spend money on things you can’t afford (taking out a loan or saving for 2 years).
The paradox of the situation is that the more effort a person spends on trying to be better than others, to seem more successful and richer, the greater the opposite effect he gets in the end.
Physical exercise
Regular exercise is the best method to combat negative moods. This happens because it is a general loss of strength that provokes poor emotional well-being.
In turn, loss of strength is often caused by a person’s poor physical shape. He gets tired faster and becomes more tired. With modern rhythms of life, it is extremely important to try to constantly keep your body in good shape.
Plus, regular sports activities (visits to the gym at least 2 times a week for 1.5-2 hours) contribute to psychological relief:
- firstly, take a break from work;
- secondly, achieve the release of serotonin - the hormone of happiness - in the most natural way.
Correct energy distribution
Energy is a limited resource. Proper distribution of it will bring more peace and joy into your life, which will certainly make you happier.
Examples of things you shouldn't waste your life on:
- empty talk “about nothing”;
- maintaining unpromising relationships;
- unloved job with an eternally dissatisfied boss;
- watching an endless feed on social networks (TV).
Note: consuming entertainment content on the Internet is acceptable, just the time should be limited to certain limits (for example, 1 - 1.5 hours a day).
Do charity work
The easiest way to get a taste for life is to do something good for another person. At the same time, it is important to do something of your own free will and for someone who really needs it. Good deeds fill a person with powerful energy of happiness and joy, giving space for growth and development.
Help someone who really needs it. You can do charity work, transfer money to a relief fund, or simply give unnecessary things to someone who needs them. You can sign up as a volunteer, help pet shelters, or simply bring food to lonely pensioners in your neighborhood - there are a lot of options, you just need to look.
Get creative
Another simple way to learn to enjoy life is through creativity. Not only are creative activities a great way to relieve stress, but contemplation of the results of your work gives you a feeling of joy and pride in yourself.
Find something that inspires you and fills you with positive emotions. Perhaps you will find a source of inspiration in painting, music, or handicrafts. Nowadays it’s easy to find a creative hobby option from scratch, even if you have no experience. You just have to want it, and you will succeed.
Everyone can learn to enjoy life, despite problems. This is a very useful skill that makes life simpler, clearer, and more interesting. We invite you to the course “I am happy, and every day brings me joy.” On it you will receive a tool for working with your own thinking that will forever change your life for the better.
Full sleep
A person sleeps for about a third of his life - it is naive to underestimate the importance of sleep. With its chronic deficiency, there is a risk of health problems.
In other words, if you don't get enough sleep, what happens is:
- weakening of the cardiovascular system;
- provoking the development of diabetes mellitus;
- the appearance of excess fat deposits;
- decreased efficiency of the immune system.
And most importantly - constant apathy, loss of strength, lack of mood and desire to enjoy life as it is...
On the contrary, a person who adheres to a healthy sleep schedule is more physically active, more often in a good mood, and is able to effectively cope with many tasks.
Read: How to radically change your life
Enjoy the moment
To become a happy person, try to find joy and satisfaction in the little things. This can be easily learned, and you can start right now. Feel the moment you are living and think about what is special about it. Perhaps the sun is shining through the window right now, or there is a cup of aromatic coffee in front of you, your favorite song is playing on the radio.
Find the positive aspects of your moment, and they definitely exist. Do this exercise several times a day. Just stop where you are and force yourself to feel joy and satisfaction right this very second. This simple exercise will help you see the positive in your usual routine and enjoy yourself regularly.
Limiting the use of social networks
Over the past 10 years, the smartphone has become an indispensable gadget in people's lives. It allows you to order food at home, call a taxi for a certain time, or find information of interest on the Internet in a few clicks.
In addition, people are increasingly using social networks. They are a very effective means of communication, but if used incorrectly they can cause harm to health.
Watching “photoshopped” photographs of wealthy people every day creates a feeling of disappointment in life. There is no need to constantly consume such content, it can:
- increase feelings of anxiety;
- distract from truly important matters;
- provoke negative moods.
Continuous learning new things
Over the years, a destructive thought may come to mind: “I have figured everything out, all the mechanisms are clear to me.” There is definitely no point in thinking this way. To think so is to mislead yourself.
You should constantly learn and try new things, treat life as an eternal school - perceive all life situations (positive and negative) as a valuable experience, each time drawing conclusions and continuing to move forward.
It is necessary to organize trips to new places and develop. Otherwise, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to gain a unique experience and explore the amazing world around you from other sides.
Making time for “healthy inactivity”
This advice is a continuation of the previous one. Work and hobbies play an important role in life. But in addition to this, it is also worth finding time for “healthy inactivity.”
It is important to set aside moments every day for idleness, during which you can free your brain from thoughts, thus relieving the nervous system.
There are many ways to “mess around.” Some meditate, others throw and catch a ball. Some people simply walk, paying attention to the structural features of the trees and the patterns of clouds in the sky.
Read: how to become kinder and what you need for this
Fulfill your old wishes
As soon as a person stops dreaming, he stops enjoying life. Sometimes you can quickly return joy and a feeling of happiness, you just have to fulfill a childhood dream, so remember everything you dreamed about as a child. Perhaps you wanted to visit an amusement park, visit an unusual place, or buy the most beautiful balloon when you were a child? These dreams are easy to achieve.
Fulfill your most cherished childhood wish, it will fill you with energy, joy and help you find harmony.
More outdoor activities
Regular walks have a healing effect: they improve mood, saturate the blood with oxygen, and significantly reduce the risk of chronic heart and vascular diseases.
Also, daily walks help reduce the risk of excess weight (due to calorie consumption), strengthen joints and generally improve immunity. The influence of “seasonal blues” will decrease.
Note: it is not necessary to spend an hour a day walking... If you don’t have enough time, 30 minutes is enough.
conclusions
Rejoicing in life is good and pleasant. It’s very cool when everything goes as you planned and your plans come true. But this doesn’t happen to everyone. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky with their childhood and environment. For some, everything was good, for others, everything was bad. But this happens, if everything was bad, then it makes sense to develop spiritually and abandon the negative in favor of the positive.
But if you feel that you are sabotaging yourself with self-pity or an unwillingness to live, such conditions are unlikely to be worked out with a smile on your face, then it’s easier to contact me and we’ll remove this negative scenario so that it no longer disturbs you, but rather gives you more strength and a positive attitude.
Here is an article on the topic of how to start enjoying life without anxiety and fuss; in principle, this is quite easy to do, and if you are already looking for information on this matter, then you have realized the problem, and this is half the way. But there is one more step to take to develop your positivity and joy for life. Thank you for reading the article to the end, all the best to you in your development and understanding of what is happening to us in life.
