How to survive betrayal: psychological methods and methods, tips and recommendations

• September 25, 2018
• Psychology of relationships
• Dasha Kushnir

There are no ideal relationships, and everyone knows this. Despite minor everyday quarrels, often no one can even imagine betrayal and separation. Many women do not want to notice this and deny this fact. The reason for this behavior is the reluctance to be left alone, the fear of life changes. Now you need to think about whether to forgive the offense and how to survive the betrayal of a loved one.

How to identify a traitor?

Few people thought that betrayal could be prevented at the stage of flirtation or romance. The main thing is not to miss obvious signals. No matter how hard a man tries, he will not be able to hide this from you. First of all, the ability to betray is manifested in behavior and attitude towards you. The person begins to withdraw, then frequent problems or business trips at work will appear. Once you notice this in your man, do not be afraid to admit to yourself that he may have betrayed you.

I now believe in our work. And I don't want to think about the fact that it will be in vain. I'm confused.

Client: “Are we going to work?... oh again... oh well, so be it. Yes, if we end now, I will feel bad. I don't know what to do next. Well (makes a grimace), are you happy?”

Therapist: “I saw how you got angry to hide your helplessness... neither of you brings me joy, but you have now taken a serious step forward... and how do you feel?”

Client: “Most disgusting! I can’t do anything, and you’re sitting there and don’t want to help me. I'm angry at you!

Therapist: “What exactly are you angry about in me?”

Client: “Yes, any normal person in your place would agree with me and help to the best of his ability. And you're kidding me. Only the last bastards behave like this... and, it seems, therapists.”

Therapist: “Well, as far as I remember, your relationships with normal people don’t go well. Still, what do you need help with when you say you're angry?

Client: “I’m scared to show her, because after that I’ll be left alone.”

How does a person cope with betrayal?

For every person, treachery is very painful. Especially the betrayal of what seemed like a dear person. And this pain cannot be cured with pills or anything else.

Betrayal is a kind of stab in the back. Such an act causes pain and grief in a person. It can take different forms. The traitor can be a loved one, a close friend, or simply a work colleague or business partner. A treacherous act destroys human hopes and trust, breaks a person to smithereens. Some people, having experienced betrayal, hide from the whole world, go somewhere to hide this fact, especially if it concerns their personal life.

If such behavior came from a loved one, the victim will most often be ashamed of publicity in order to avoid shame. But you don’t need to do this, it’s not your fault that the person betrayed you. The injured party does not even think that if he hides what happened, he will be left without support. If a person avoids talking about this topic, he will experience loneliness and alienation. If the victim of betrayal does not share it with someone, then he will think about it all the time and blame himself, and begin to wonder what he did wrong.

What dangers does betrayal from a loved one entail?

Betrayal by a loved one is a long-term, severe stress, it can develop into depression, this condition negatively affects the psyche.

There is uncertainty in actions

After the betrayal of a loved one, you take on the role of the Victim. You do not take responsibility for actions.

Loss of trust in people in general

This is because you had high hopes for your loved one, and in return you were stabbed in the back. This hit me hard mentally.

The following logic emerges: “If I was betrayed by a loved one, then betrayal from strangers will follow sooner or later.”

Such thoughts make you withdraw into yourself and stop contacting people.

Depression

This condition becomes the final point for people who could not get rid of the feeling of resentment that oppresses them.

Depression can drag on for many years; most people try to wash it down with alcohol or other poison.

How to heal after betrayal and regain your former confidence and faith in people?

People faced with such a situation are often interested in how to survive the betrayal of a husband, wife or loved one. You should pay attention to the following expert advice.

1. Talk about your feelings and experiences to a person you trust. He will listen to you and support you. There is no need to hide from people, it is important to share with people who value you and will support you.
2. Take care of yourself. You need to keep yourself in shape both emotionally and physically. Play sports, start eating right if you haven’t done this before, start loving yourself more than you previously loved.
3. Allow yourself to rethink everything. Think carefully about what happened, don't blame yourself! Remember why you maintained a relationship with this or that person, what your hopes were for him.
4. Give free rein to your emotions and tears. Don't pretend nothing happened. Cry, let all the negativity out. Be a weak woman.
5. Don't drown your grief in alcohol. This method has not yet solved a single problem. In addition, drinking too much can only add problems or unnecessary adventures to yourself.
6. Keep yourself busy with something useful. Throw yourself into your work. Sign up for some interesting courses. Plan your time so that you don’t have the opportunity to think about bad things. Take a walk in nature.
7. Transform yourself. Get a new hairstyle, dye your hair some other color that you may have liked before, but couldn’t decide. Buy a beautiful bright dress, because shopping helps improve a woman’s mood.
8. Don't become something you are not. There is no need to punish other people who are not to blame for anything. Don't be a bitch just because you were hurt. Negative messages should be directed only at the person who caused the worries.
9. We need to maintain kindness and humanity. Help someone who is in misfortune and needs your support and help. By helping this person, you will forget about your worries. Even for a moment, you will still forget.

The most important thing is not to lose faith in yourself and in people who have never done anything bad to you. You need to try to find time to talk about something good and positive. The recovery period after betrayal is long, so first of all you should not forget to love yourself.

Depression or revenge? Neither one nor the other!

“A truly close person is always significant and valuable, and therefore, in the event of betrayal on his part, you may experience psychological states characterized by a wide range of different emotional reactions of the depressive type: from depression, sadness, apathy to feelings of resentment, disappointment,” says clinical psychologist, presenter of original courses and trainings, coach Boris Kononov

. According to the psychologist, psychological defense mechanisms in the form of fantasizing about revenge can also work, but, as a rule, over time the traitor is devalued and aggressive fantasizing weakens.

“In the case of betrayal of a loved one in relation to a person whose own “I” is higher, as a rule, all sorts of violent manifestations arise on the part of the latter, ranging from verbal forms of aggression and ending with causing physical harm to the offender, up to revenge in the form of murder, - says the clinical psychologist. “For example, a St. Petersburg historian, a specialist in the military history of France, Oleg Sokolov, satisfying his “Napoleonic Ego,” cold-bloodedly and with particular cynicism took the life of his student, a co-author of scientific works, with whom differences arose in personal and intimate relationships.”

A logical question arises: how not to fall into either extreme and survive a crisis life situation, forgive loved ones for their betrayal and abandon the “symmetrical answer”?

“Of course, each story of betrayal is unique in its own way, and, unfortunately, there is no ideal recipe, but there are general recommendations that can help you independently survive a traumatic situation without much harm to your own psychological health,” says Boris Kononov

. Here are his recommendations:

• Firstly, you should first try to calmly accept the fact of betrayal, recognizing the objective negative qualities of the offender - after all, with the weakening of the importance of the other person, your own mental pain also decreases.
• Secondly, recognize the fact of betrayal as having happened in the past - after all, you need to live in the present, looking optimistically into a bright future, and not looking back with resentment at yesterday.
• Thirdly, analyze the “I” of one’s own personality for egoism in order to prevent it from strengthening in the pursuit of petty revenge, which, as a rule, gives a temporary illusion of satisfying one’s own Ego, but does not at all exalt a person as a person.

“To understand the phenomenon of revenge, it is necessary to turn to simpler affects that rule the roost of the psyche,” says psychologist Alexander Skurtul

. – An attack by one living creature on another is often dictated by aggression for protection. The logic is something like this: “Someone wants to destroy me (deprive me of benefits, demote me in the hierarchy, drive me away), so I have to fight for my life.” The fact is that betrayal is also perceived by a person as an attack on his self. Betrayal humiliates us, self-worth falls, we experience a complex of unpleasant feelings that deprive us of optimism and faith in a bright future. In order to restore self-worth, you want to inflict no less damage on the offender - which in primitive culture is considered the restoration of justice.”

However, if in the animal world each act of humiliation was indeed directly linked to further chances of survival, then in human civilization, betrayal, according to the expert, simply evokes feelings that encourage us to worry about life due to evolutionary inertia, but nothing threatens life.

If a partner leaves us or a brother discredits our name among friends, then revenge will only increase the pain in this world and give us a little relief. Therefore, according to the psychologist, it is important to remain aware and understand the feelings that control us. It is important to soberly assess the meaning, means and results. And, of course, ask yourself the main question: “What will this give me?” Isn't it better to direct your efforts in a positive, creative direction? Try to abstract yourself from thoughts of betrayal and focus on what brings you pleasure.

Why do people betray?

You cannot justify treason or betrayal. Even when a person throws empty accusations at you, you don’t need to listen, much less perceive it. Maybe you were wrong in some ways, because we are all imperfect, but you didn’t force the person to do that. After all, it would be possible to do without betrayal, for example, discuss the problems that have arisen between you, take a break in the relationship, in the end, but not change in any way.

Why did the person betray? Yes, simply because it was only in his interests, but not in yours. “I” dominated in his head at that moment. Everyone will be guilty except him, so don't believe that he is innocent. Guilty! Still so guilty! After all, he committed this act towards you. And before you forgive, you need to think carefully.

Uncertainty undermines self-esteem

The most insidious part of ending a relationship is the erosion of your self-confidence. Psychologist Cherly Chong warns against falling into the trap of comparing yourself to someone your partner cheated on you with. Viral thoughts can arise on their own that someone else is better than you, wittier, more beautiful. Chong argues that such self-torture not only does not alleviate the pain, but also aggravates the situation. Treason is always the decision of the one who did it. And you cannot shift responsibility for this act onto the partner who was deceived. He cannot push him to this or become the reason for this. Because the final decision to act is made by the one who changed.

Should betrayal be forgiven?

Should betrayal be forgiven? This is everyone's business. But you must forgive, first of all, for your own sake. Because the thoughts will not go away, and your life will turn into constant experiences. These thoughts will prevent you from building a new relationship with another person who may never deceive you. You need, despite the pain that the person has caused you, to forgive him and let him go. Forgive in order to simply live and enjoy every day.

Surviving betrayal is very difficult. For this to happen, you don’t need to think about it all the time and torment yourself; it’s better to think about the new life that awaits you ahead. A bad experience is also an experience.

When friendship is better than nothing

After a breakup due to cheating, many people cannot let anyone near them for a long time. Well, since you have started a new life, then there is a chance to start everything from scratch. Psychologists recommend taking a closer look at your surroundings and looking among your acquaintances not for a potential spouse, but for a friend. In most cases, this option is ideal because no one crosses the boundaries of each other’s personal space. Simple communication and maintaining friendly relations can become the basis for the emergence of warmer relationships. Time in this case is the best medicine.

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How does a person who has been betrayed feel?

A person who has experienced betrayal goes through several stages.

1. Stage of severe and acute pain. At this stage, you do not yet fully understand what happened to you, but you understand that you have been betrayed. Life became dark and meaningless. There is pain and resentment hidden in your soul. You don't want to communicate with anyone. You need to be alone and digest everything that happened.
2. The stage of resentment. You hold a great grudge against the person who betrayed you; your state is on a par with hatred. If you previously wished the person all the best, now you are demonstrating the opposite reaction.
3. Stage of humility. At this point, you have realized what happened and may be willing to forgive the offender if you think he deserves another chance. Well, if he is not worthy of a second chance, then you need to prepare yourself for the fact that this person will never be in your life.
4. Stage of indifference. If you have never been able to forgive a person, your feelings will fade and gradually disappear. And your emotional and mental state will be restored.

Most importantly, remember that you cannot return the past. There is no need to think about what would have happened if the situation had turned out differently. What happened happened.

The process of dealing with grief due to betrayal includes 5 stages

1. Stage of denial and shock. A person simply cannot believe what happened, especially if the betrayal is unexpected. Reaction: emotional excitement, or vice versa, emotional coldness, inhibition.
2. The stage of aggression, the experience of resentment, anger. Often aggression and anger are directed at the person who cheated, who left, who “abandoned”, or left their loved ones.
3. Stage of guilt. The person blames himself for what happened, his “bad behavior.” A person may also experience remorse for treating the person who cheated poorly and paying little attention to him.
4. Stage of depression. Depression, apathy, irritability, decreased social activity - all these are manifestations of depression. Life can lose all meaning; a person tends to “drown out” his pain with alcohol and other “antidepressants.”
5. Acceptance stage. No matter how hard a person experiences betrayal, acceptance of the loss gradually sets in. This stage is characterized by the restoration of the usual course of life, once again falling into its groove. Life acquires purpose and meaning.

Not all people tolerate betrayal and treason the same way.

Women who are faithful to their husbands experience very deep suffering. They carefully preserve the hearth and comfort. Good wives and caring mothers - for them, family relationships and family always come first.

We are not taught, either at school or in institutions, how to live and how to build emotional and trusting relationships. When we get married, we live as if according to a script, seeing before our eyes the unsuccessful marriages of our friends or our parents. Minor quarrels and grievances begin, which are resolved in bed, as they say: “Darlings scold - they just amuse themselves.” But years pass, and if you don’t have emotional intimacy, then bed doesn’t solve anything and the relationship fades away.

Spouses are moving away from each other, showing more and more claims, irritation, and misunderstandings. What you previously liked about your loved one now irritates you. Most often, people stay together out of habit and a sense of duty to their children. Tension increases, and the man begins to look for another woman who will support him, listen and understand. Who will simply love him without any reproaches. At the same time, he does not worry that he betrayed his wife; for him this is something new, a change of sensations.

Betrayal is everywhere, and nothing can be done about it

Here the imaginary therapist simultaneously experiences a wave of pity and empathy for such a lonely and abandoned client (“we all need love and care, without them a lot of things lose meaning”) and a certain fear of suddenly being among those whom he so sincerely and involuntarily wants to raze to the ground . The therapist pauses, puts on an imaginary helmet and places another one next to the client (you never know), and asks: “Has your attitude towards the world always been so hopeless?”

If the client was able to express his attitude towards the world and felt heard, then he has a certain amount of free attention and interest... “Did someone hear me? Who is there? Strange... oh, the helmet is a good thing. It really is safer. At least I won’t hit you in the head with a brick or a bat from behind.”

And after a while, when the client has settled down and feels relatively safe, his interest and attention switches to speech. In particular, to the question “Has it always been this way?” And after another infinitely unpleasant time, the client’s answer emerges: “Well, my attitude towards the world did not appear out of nowhere (more details here), before I was more open and trusting, but people betrayed me so often and painfully that I lost hope. And the most offensive thing is that those closest to me betrayed me in the most difficult moments of my life... would you trust people after that?!”

Does age play a role?

It’s one thing when a person betrays you in your youth, it’s another when you’re 40 years old. Life has already settled down and seems reliable. But it is not over, but on the contrary, it is in full swing. Of course, betrayal brings pain at any age, but at 40 a person already has life experience and wisdom, manages his problems and difficulties. At this age, there are probably already children whose support will not let you fall to your knees.

If you were betrayed by a person at the age of 50, then all that remains is to forget him and let him go, because you have already lived half your life, you are already a philosopher in this area. A woman at this age still attracts men with her beauty and wisdom, especially if, despite her age, she takes care of herself, dresses well, puts on makeup and does her hair. Perhaps right now there will be a desire to go on a trip, or learn a language, or enroll in some interesting courses. The children have already grown up, you are free and independent, so you need not to miss this moment, you need to start living for yourself.

Note from an imaginary supervisor to an imaginary psychologist

p.s. only for psychologists

Well, yes, a very expressive story. A story with a lot of emotion and meaning. Any client with a similar problem will want to follow this path and find peace of mind and the will to live again. Everything is clear, predictable, safe. And everyone is happy... as long as the real events in the consultations correspond to what you saw in your imagination in the scenes between the imaginary client and therapist. Until a real client is faced with the fact that all his life he has been playing other people’s games for the sake of other people’s unnecessary imaginary prizes. On the eve of such a moment, it is better to take off the imaginary crown of the therapist and keep an imaginary helmet with a red cross on hand, otherwise there is a risk of forgetting about the crown in a hurry and pulling the helmet right over it. The safety and stability of the therapist is the primary concern of the therapist. Only by feeling your boundaries can you help someone else find their boundaries and the security within them.

What to do with relationships?

Can there be any kind of relationship after betrayal? Of course, not everyone breaks up right away; some try to do something, patch things together, improve relationships. But think about it, is it necessary to do this? After all, if a person betrayed once, he will most likely betray again. Therefore, you need to “put all your memories and feelings in a box” and throw them away. It’s hard, of course, but it will be the best choice. However, the choice is yours.

Contact a psychologist, because this is a person who will listen to you and objectively give you advice on how to survive this situation. A specialist will help you find a way out and point out things you haven’t seen. After all, keeping everything to yourself will be much worse than sharing it. Your job is just to tell the truth and follow the recommendations. You should become joyful, free, independent, and not think “I’m abandoned, I’m offended, I’m unhappy.” If you feel sorry for yourself, you will become pathetic and unhappy. And this will not help in any way to survive the situation that has developed.

To experience mental pain, the pain of betrayal by a loved one, it takes time, sometimes a lot of time. You need to not dwell on this, but move on, because there is only one life. Look into the future, where that pain no longer exists, make plans. Remember some grievances from the past that at that time seemed unbearable. Has it passed? This too shall pass. After all, time heals.

Help from a psychologist

It has long been known that women and men perceive the world from different points of view. The former are more emotional, their thoughts pass through the prism of feelings and experiences. The latter think in logical categories. And betrayal, although equally painful for both, is perceived on their part a little differently.

If the husband cheated, the wife most often experiences it very violently - through screams, through tears. And the culprit doesn’t even always observe them - a woman may seem cold and quite calmly put her suitcase on the staircase, but a hurricane will rage inside her, which will certainly spill out.

Psychological assistance when your husband cheats, which can be provided by a specialist, can save you from committing rash acts. A psychotherapist will help you find the reasons that forced the man to take this step. But the reason that a woman manages to instantly come up with for herself often turns out to be even more painful than the fact of betrayal itself.

The psychologist will tell you in which direction you should move forward: should you try to save the relationship, forgive your unfaithful loved one, or is it better to forget about him and start a new life.

But it’s not just men who cheat. And for the husband this is no less a strong blow than for the wife in the event of her husband’s betrayal. The bad news is that men, unlike most women, often seek solace in external factors such as alcohol and available women. Psychological assistance when your wife is cheating will help you avoid such ways of solving the problem, maintain composure and health.

The psychotherapist will tell you how best to perceive this situation, how to forgive the unfaithful half. After all, resentment, regardless of the final result, will prevent both parties from living peacefully.

How to cope with pain?

The psychologist’s advice on how to survive the betrayal of loved ones and cope with pain will be as follows:

1. Time cures. Gradually, you stop reacting this way to what happened and remember it less and less. The fact of betrayal itself will not go away, but the attitude towards it will change and life will become easier.
2. No need to generalize. If one person abandoned you, you shouldn’t say that all men are traitors and assholes. After all, you are surrounded by many good and beautiful couples who have lived their whole lives together, walking through life hand in hand. You don't have to give up your happiness just because you were once betrayed. If this is not the first time in your life, figure out within yourself what’s wrong, and then blame someone else.
3. Remember the good times. Try to see the positive sides of people whom you believe and trust, who are with you in difficult situations, proven over the years.
4. Do good. Take part in some charity event, become a volunteer, and you will see how many good and sympathetic people there are in the world who will rush to help even strangers. There is no need to line everyone up with the same line.
5. People who give advice to forgive and return to their previous life are those who have never experienced or experienced such a feeling of emptiness and heartache. It is very important not to dwell on this problem so as not to get stuck in the time when it happened. Don’t get hung up on thoughts about what to do next, how to live. Don't think about whether you can live without this person, and don't think about what people will think of you. Remember the positive moments you lived with this person, for which you are grateful, and try to let go so that there are no hard feelings left.
6. Throw out all the CDs with sad films and music from your house, try to see only the best and positive in everything.

Every life lesson is an experience, and it is needed for something. You need to survive the betrayal of a loved one and move on, without remembering what happened before. Only then will life sparkle with new colors, and you will be able to rejoice again.

Cheating on a loved one

Betrayal by a partner gives rise to very painful experiences, and asking a psychologist how to survive the betrayal of a loved one worries many people. The fear of betrayal worries every person. Feelings of betrayal, heartache, resentment and emotional shock are very common.

Cheating can be experienced as a catastrophic event that radically changes the attitude towards a partner.

Feelings of suspicion, mistrust, jealousy, anger, helplessness and emptiness arise.

Before there is an opportunity to understand what happened and understand the reasons, it is necessary to transfer all these feelings, and it is very difficult to do this alone. Here the help of a psychologist is needed.

In the first phase of experiencing the betrayal of a loved one comes anger at the partner, a feeling of irritation and disgust towards him, and fear of contracting some kind of sexually transmitted disease. It often happens the other way around, when a person is haunted by doubts about himself/herself, uncertainty about one’s own worth, feelings of guilt and thoughts about “what provoked my partner to cheat on me,” as well as “clinging” to a partner.

But, as a rule, anger and disgust are constantly replaced by guilt and fear of losing the relationship and what is valuable in it. This is the psychology of betrayal and jealousy.

Then, a person who is faced with the betrayal of a loved one is often haunted by an obsessive desire to find out all the facts of the betrayal:

• How long does the relationship last?
• When did they start?
• When did they meet?
• Who else knows about this?

Images and pictures pop up in your head that create suffering. If there are children in the family, then they are often haunted by worries about them, about the consequences of separation for the children. A partner will always be haunted by jealousy after adultery.

During this period, it is extremely important to share your experiences with a specialist.

Empathy and a holistic understanding of conflicting feelings, on the one hand – affection, love for a partner, and on the other – severe pain, resentment and anger, helps to reduce internal painful experiences and “throwing”, and begin to think rationally about what happened, as well as those consequences for relationships that involve cheating.

It is important to understand that, despite all the pain, cheating is not something that will inevitably destroy a relationship. The period of acute experience of betrayal is not the best moment for making a decision about separation and divorce. Often the cheating partner experiences fear of losing the relationship with his wife/husband, wants to maintain it and is tormented by a strong sense of guilt.

In this case, if a decision is made to maintain the relationship, then, as a rule, certain steps are necessary on the part of the partner:

• ending a relationship with a lover;
• making sincere apologies (sometimes multiple);
• taking steps to restore and strengthen trust.

It is important to understand what caused this to happen in your relationship:

Conflicts in relationships

Often the cause of cheating is hidden conflicts, dissatisfaction, and anger at a partner. Sometimes such a reason can be the difficulties that accompany the birth and upbringing of a child, and a change in relationships as a consequence of this. Cheating in this case may be a way to avoid resolving these conflicts, or a way to “get back” at your partner, to express your anger and resentment towards him.

Difficulty integrating love and sexual feelings

Many people have difficulty experiencing both love and sexual attraction to the same partner. Then sexual desires are satisfied “on the side.” Behind such splitting (love separately - sex separately) there are often deep personal problems.

Fear of intimacy

Many people, especially people with the so-called schizoid and narcissistic personality types, may be afraid of emotional intimacy with a partner. They may feel fearful if their partner is particularly seeking intimacy, and may defensively distance themselves from their partner. For such a person, other relationships become something of a buffer between him and his partner.

• Such affairs are usually short-term and serve as a defense against the fear of being consumed.
• However, in extreme cases, multi-year parallel relationships can occur.

Low self-esteem

Doubts about one's own masculinity or femininity can push a person to confirm his attractiveness.

Personal crises

For example, when facing a midlife crisis, a person may experience depression, depression, a sense of emptiness and finitude in life, and then a romantic relationship may be a way to protect against such feelings.

Sexual addiction

People prone to such addiction, like all addicts, have very little control over their own impulses. When faced with emptiness and heartache, they protect themselves from it through sex with different partners.

Orgasmic satisfaction brings temporary relief from anxiety, but then feelings of shame and remorse set in, and these cycles of compulsive sexual desire - shame are constantly repeated.

Random cheating

These are, as a rule, one-time events that happened as a result of momentary attraction or alcohol intoxication, and they would not have happened if the person had not been “in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Other possible reasons for betrayal:

1. A man can betray under the influence of alcohol.
2. Lack of responsibility. A person who does not want to help his loved ones in trouble, does not want to try on other people’s problems, simply runs away from them, even abandons his parents and his pregnant wife.
3. A person who was nearby only because of benefits, in particular financial ones, can betray.
4. Callous and cynical people easily betray themselves. This is especially true of egoists.
5. A man can easily cheat on his wife when he believes that he must make all the women around him happy. Often this manifestation is typical for people with high self-esteem who consider themselves better than everyone else.

In any case, it is important to understand the reasons for what happened - be it family conflicts or the personality traits of the partner himself. In most cases, the two are intertwined, and the help of a good psychologist is required to sort it out.

Usually during this period a decision is made about whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship and cope with the crisis, or to break up with each other.

What should you not do?

Even the most bitter resentment due to the betrayal of a loved one is not a reason to give up and live in black and white. Men are polygamous by nature - this is nature, not their desire.

Plus, this is no reason to stoop to:

• abuse alcohol and drugs - this will free your mind for a short period, but in the future it will lead to addiction.
• Constantly feeling sorry for yourself and withdrawing is not a way out of the situation, but only a path to depression.
• becomes a desperate bitch and counts, shouting in all directions - all men are bastards and assholes.
• You shouldn’t spoil the lives of everyone around you out of anger, much less take revenge.

The main rule is not to lose faith in yourself, because in the end everything will be fine. It can be difficult to survive the pain of betrayal, deception, or separation, but nothing is impossible.

Negativity will be replaced by friends and relatives, a favorite job and beautiful clothes, a new hobby and image, or maybe a friend or boyfriend. It will be hard, but gradually everything will fade into oblivion - accept this as a manifestation of life and move along a new path to a better and brighter life. The main rule is less suffering, more positivity.