How to forgive betrayal: advice from a psychologist

Cheating on a loved one is always a terrible shock for his other half. Faced with such a situation, a person experiences a terrible shock, depressing feelings and unbearable pain from betrayal. How to live now, is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one, how to accept the fact that he was close not only to you, but also to someone else. Is it even possible to forgive betrayal, and if so, how long will it take?

Let's try to figure out what betrayal is, what is its difference from betrayal, and how to get rid of the grievances caused by betrayal with minimal losses for yourself.

Treason is betrayal. It doesn't matter whether you jump into bed or slowly crawl into bed. Larisa Andreevna Guzeeva

Treason or betrayal - how to tell the difference?

In relationships between a man and a woman, many different conflict situations can occur.
It also happens that they have only recently started dating, but an invisible connection has already been established between them, which determines the need not only for simple communication, but also for sexual contact.

This is felt especially strongly at the moment when young people in love begin life together (in a so-called civil marriage) and they have certain responsibilities towards each other.

Each of the established couples expects a certain development of the relationship. A woman expects that they will end in marriage, but representatives of the stronger sex do not always expect that their civil marriage with their beloved will end with official registration in the registry office. And if, in this case, betrayal suddenly occurs on the part of a man, then it can most likely be classified as betrayal.

I distinguish between betrayal and infidelity. Cheating concerns the body, infidelity concerns the soul. Christina Kofta

The fact is that by invading a girl’s life, a man in some way changes her usual way of life. For his sake, the lady adjusts the timing of her favorite activities on weekends and changes the schedule of her own free time.

A woman expects the same behavior from her lover, but it often happens that her expectations are simply not met. Men for the most part do not want to change their usual way of life for the sake of their beloved woman, and this is a very unfair quality for their beloved. Indeed, why should she sacrifice her life principles for the sake of love, and he will continue to live as before, without sacrificing anything?

But the whole point is that men are built a little differently. They are not used to limiting themselves in something and losing freedom. The appearance of a new girlfriend and sex with her in the presence of a regular woman is not taken by men as cheating. They reason like this: “What kind of betrayal is this, I’m not married?”

The woman interprets the whole situation with betrayal differently: “Yes, we have not formalized our relationship, but we are already close to each other spiritually!” And men have their own answer to this: “we cheat physically, but spiritually we still remain with our beloved.”

Experts in the field of building and maintaining family relationships advise couples to discuss such situations together in order to understand what awaits their relationship in the future. It is likely that the sex that the man had on the side was nothing more than a coincidence, and it left the stronger sex with only annoyance and disappointment.

Quite possibly something else. The young man does not see anything reprehensible in sex on the side, and does not rule out the repetition of similar situations in the future. And in this case, the woman most likely should decide to end the relationship. Alas, this guy could not see in her the one and only beloved with whom he would be ready to go through life together. Only separation will help save the future peace of both representatives of the couple, and the self-respect of each of them.

Myths about treason.

Let's start with the fact that the topic of betrayal is overgrown with myths:

Everyone changes;
Cheating is normal;
Cheating strengthens a marriage;
Good wives/husbands do not cheat;
If you do not deny your husband sex, then he will not have the strength to cheat;
He who betrayed once will betray again.

Why are these myths needed? Explain to yourself what you don’t want to admit. And then it seemed like nothing terrible happened. Myths help you put things into your head that don’t fit, and gain at least the illusion of control.

Reasons for cheating on a loved one

Under no circumstances should one look for any justification for such masculine actions as deception, betrayal and treason. But from a psychological point of view, one can find some explanation for such actions.

There are several psychological reasons that push a man to cheat:

The need for love, formed in childhood, is neurotic in nature. Some boys in childhood do not receive from their parents the love that they need.
Let's say that the mother simply did not have enough time to play with her little son, pay him more attention, and give him maternal affection. The child was in dire need of maternal love, but did not receive it at all, or received it, but not enough.
It is very difficult to solve the problem of parental attention deficit in childhood, so the boy, growing up, carries it into adulthood and tries to solve it there. It is through cheating that an adult man tries to get the love that he lacked as a child.
Initially, he receives it from one woman, whom he calls his one and only. But then this becomes not enough for him, and he finds himself another lady of his heart. As a result, the representative of the stronger sex receives twice as much tenderness and love, thereby making up for the deficiency of parental love.
Loss of interest and attraction to your lover. Starting to live with one woman, a representative of the stronger sex initially receives both physical and moral satisfaction from this.
But over time, one gets used to the partner, and, as a result, the relationship cools down and loses interest in the beloved. The partner is no longer so attracted to the man, since he cannot surprise her with anything. And at this moment he begins to look for new experiences on the side, trying to plunge into a new wave of emotions and impressions with another woman.
It is extremely important for men to constantly be confident in their own strength, sexuality and irresistibility. And if he doesn’t feel this with his previous partner, then he can only get new emotions and impressions with a new sexual partner.
Read also: How to become a sociable and interesting person: 8 ways to improve the quality of communication
Excessive parental love in childhood.
Raising boys in childhood is often done not only by mothers, but also by grandmothers. As a result, they receive female attention and love in great abundance, and they become addicted to them. In adult life, a man, on a subconscious level, tries to simulate the same situation that he had in childhood. For such an individual, the attention and love of his wife must necessarily intersect with the attention of his mistress.

As we see, any events, actions and inclinations that we observe in adulthood have a solid basis.
In most cases, this very basis originates in our childhood. Whatever happens to us in life has its own explanation. In modern psychology there are many techniques that can solve such problems that arise in family life. But before you decide to forgive your lover for cheating, you should visit a psychologist to find out about the real reasons for your loved one’s betrayal.

Father's advice

The most common topic in confession with the priest is betrayal. Each case is quite individual, but nevertheless, the priest’s advice can be useful in any situation - a person who lives in captivity of sin is always looking for an excuse for himself, suffering from this even more.

The basis of any relationship is trust and loyalty, and betrayal is considered a betrayal of the secret entrusted by loving people to each other.

Attention! If people love, trust and value each other, they do not need to cheat - the spouses themselves understand why they created their family, how much they value this relationship and whether they can forgive each other in order to preserve what they had.

The basic rules of life after betrayal and forgiveness are:

impeccable behavior towards the family,
changes in self-awareness and behavior,
the desire to create something better, kinder and brighter.

It's a long way, but it's possible.

In the video, the priest tells whether it is possible to forgive the deception and betrayal of a loved one:

Jealousy is like a kind of generator of ideas and very often provokes a loved one to commit bad deeds.

Jealousy is always based on self-doubt, fears and hysterics. This pushes the partner away, causing him not only to cheat, but also to betray.

Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of a loved one?

Before deciding whether to forgive betrayal or not, you should hide your own emotions deeply.
It will be very difficult to do this, because after such a betrayal everything will seethe and bubble inside you. After betrayal, you will be overwhelmed by a hurricane of feelings, when resentment is overwhelmed by anger, despair is replaced by an aggressive state, and the desire to break off all relations with the traitor is replaced by fear of loneliness. In this case, you should be more collected than ever, showing all your composure and fortitude. It is not the best option to succumb to the influence of negative emotions. You should sit down, calm down and sensibly assess the current situation, and then make the only right decision as to whether you can forgive your lover for betrayal or not. To do this, you should ask yourself a few questions:

What will happen to you if the cheater suddenly disappears from your life? How serious will the separation be for you personally, for your family and child (if you have one).
What happens if the traitor still remains a part of your life. Will you be able to maintain your relationship with your cheater at the same level, will you be able to forgive the betrayal and even improve your relationship with your lover? Do you gain anything by forgiving your cheating spouse?

Try to answer all these questions for yourself, even if you don’t want to touch on painful topics. It is advisable to make a list of the pros and cons of forgiving infidelity. This will contribute to making the right decision, based not on emotions, but on logical reasoning. And after compiling this list, it is worth making a decision about forgiving or not forgiving the betrayal. Decide for yourself whether you can live with a person next to you, knowing that he can betray you.

Treason is a whip that hits you only once - at the moment when you find out about everything. All subsequent time you will cut yourself with it. Evgeniy Panteleev

You should also pay attention to the behavior of the man who cheated on you. What feelings does he experience, does he repent, or is he trying to shield himself? By observing the person you have allowed into your heart, you can understand a lot about his personality. But do not forget that truly noble, brave and strong people have the ability to forgive.

Even if a person, in your opinion, is very bad, he still has the right to a second chance. It's not as scary as it really seems. Paradoxically, it often happens that it is betrayal that further strengthens family ties, making a man and a woman happy and their relationship harmonious.

Responsibility versus guilt

I understand how great the risk is now of blaming my husband for all my troubles and falling into a state of self-pity. I understand how strong the resentment is and the thoughts that “I was betrayed,” “he is to blame,” “how could he,” “I would never do that.”

Unfortunately, such thoughts are a surrogate for self-love, and lead to nothing but loss of energy, powerlessness and the cultivation of a whining, pitiful part of the personality. They do not lead to action and only make you an even weaker person, and do not in any way contribute to further improvement of relations with your husband, rather the opposite. After all, only if you take, at least partially, responsibility for what happened and start doing something to prevent it from happening again, only in this case can you change something.

In order for you to get out of the impasse in which your relationship has now reached, and to create in your partner the desire to always be faithful to you, I wrote for you the book “Into a happy relationship through self-love.”

She will help you figure out what exactly happened between you, what problems created your husband’s desire to change, and how to solve them now so that it doesn’t happen again. In this book, I analyze all aspects of relationships, and tell you how to practically build relationships that are faithful to each other.

After reading the book, you will become a magnet for your loved one, strengthen and return passion and attraction, revive desire and interest. You will become the person you want to run home to from work and with whom you want to spend time. The book is written in a theory-practice format, and as you read, you will be able to immediately implement the acquired knowledge and improve the climate in your relationships.

As you might have guessed from the title, all of these things are based on self-love. Only by knowing yourself and learning to treat yourself with love will you be able to build healthy relationships in which no one will have the desire to look the other way.

You can read the full description of the book, read reviews and purchase the book using the link.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: advice from a psychologist

According to statistics, 3 out of 4 men cheat on their wives. Every fourth woman on this list can consider herself happy and lucky. But what should the other three deceived spouses do? In fact, each situation is individual, but there are things that should never be done, and there are also points that cannot be ignored. What to do if cheating on the part of your husband does occur?

First stage: Control of emotions

When a woman’s betrayal of her beloved man becomes obvious, she is overcome by many feelings, all of them negative: pain, resentment, fear.
In the first days, a woman is driven by precisely these emotions, which are multiplied by the desire for revenge. This is where it is very important to keep your feelings under control. You need to accept the fact that betrayal has already happened. This event cannot be changed. Under no circumstances should you “go all out”: go on sprees, drink until you pass out and sleep with any man who wants it. Yes, this can help for a very short time, or to be more precise, until the morning, but time will pass, emotions will subside, and shame for one’s behavior can poison life for a long time. You need to distance yourself from the problem, but in such a way as to preserve your dignity. The best way is to go somewhere to relax. If you can’t leave because of work, children, financial reasons and other difficulties, then you should start visiting theaters, cinema, and exhibitions. Art, oddly enough, can make a person forget about pain for a while and turn his thoughts in a different direction. It will also help to meet people who are easy to communicate with and who are also capable, if necessary, of playing the role of a “diaper-type vest,” and if not necessary, just not prying into your soul again.

During this period, you should not get hung up on the fact of betrayal, engage in soul-searching and curse your husband to the seventh generation. This will not change the situation, there will be no relief, it will only worsen the pain and resentment. If it’s unbearable, it’s better to cry, roar from the heart, driving out all the negativity from yourself and making room for positivity and a new life.

Next stage: Transformation

Even if a woman always takes care of herself, additional investment in her image is simply necessary!
After all, after her husband’s betrayal, a woman is subconsciously tormented by the same questions: “Am I really worse than her? Am I really that unattractive and uninteresting?” In this case, nothing increases a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence more than the compliments of other men. You can change your hairstyle, clothing style, update your wardrobe. The main thing is not to resort to such drastic changes that do not correspond to the woman’s character. A multi-colored mohawk on the head and a miniskirt will require changes in both character and behavior, and this will require additional vitality, which is already lacking in this situation. Therefore, it will be quite simple to improve your image by adding a few bright and eye-catching accents.

Final stage: Life is the same, but the values are different

When the emotions subside and the pain dulls, you need to analyze the situation: what caused the betrayal?
If the problem is that the man he loves is simply promiscuous, and endless affairs on the side are the essence of his nature, then the woman needs to draw the appropriate conclusions for herself and avoid relationships with this type of man in the future. If the reason for the betrayal was the woman’s behavior, her lifestyle, then you need to decide for yourself: either change something in yourself so that the situation does not repeat itself, or understand that nothing needs to be changed, and the beloved man was not the one for whom he is worth it. sacrifice oneself. It is also necessary to understand that every woman, first of all, must love herself. You need to learn to be selfish from time to time, of course, not to the detriment of the family, children, but so that for some time the whole world lies at the feet of a woman, and she feels like a queen: a little capricious, a little arrogant, but desired and loved.

Key words

As a psychologist, I understand well what a woman experiences when her husband cheated on her. It is not easy to realize this betrayal and learn to live with this thought, with the understanding that the closest and dearest man can, while in a relationship with you, choose another person. Even more difficult is to accept your husband even after this terrible act, try to trust him again, improve relationships and learn lessons.

Now you need to live the pain you are experiencing and be in it. There is no need to fence yourself off from it, deny it or fight it. To be able to win the game, you need to accept its rules. I can go on for a long time about how bad your husband is, that he did this to you, lament, say: “How could he!”, “This is unworthy!”, “How can the earth even bear such people!” And such words really take place, regardless of the reasons for the betrayal, even if your responsibility also played a big role here. But in this way I will only cultivate the victim in you, pitying and blaming the other. Also, by blaming and criticizing your husband, I will only increase the time during which you can forgive him. And to forgive now is your main task, because you want to feel better. So let's get to it.

Revenge for my husband's betrayal

Having discovered the fact of her husband’s betrayal, the woman, under the influence of emotions, decides to take revenge on him.
With revenge, she tries to prove to her lover that she is also free to do as she pleases, and in this case we are talking about sexual contact with another man. This idea is very bad, because it will bring nothing but an even greater feeling of guilt and devastation from within. Having entered into sexual contact with another man, the lady will then only be tormented by the thoughts “why am I better than my beloved, the same traitor.” Such self-deprecation often deals an irreparable blow to a woman’s pride and self-esteem.

Despite the fact that revenge has taken place, the cheating offender seems to have been punished, and you have proven to everyone that you still retain your attractiveness and sexuality in the eyes of the opposite sex, from now on you will have to live with a feeling of guilt towards your loved one, constantly looking away when talking to him.

In general, the situation with betrayal will repeat itself, but now in a mirror image, and now you will have to beg your lover’s forgiveness for the betrayal. Think about whether you need such a state of affairs when inside, in your soul, the fire of resentment for the betrayal of your beloved guy has not yet died out? It is likely that you do not need a second betrayal.

When can you not forgive betrayal?

But in some cases, betrayal cannot be forgiven. Signs of such a situation are:

Unwillingness to repent. If a partner does not realize his mistake, justifies his actions with accusations, considers the situation to be ordinary, you need to understand that such an attitude will invariably lead to a repetition of his action.
Repeated betrayal. When a situation is repeated more than once, there is a risk that this will become a habit. In such cases, it is useless to believe promises; a person betrays and does it easily.
No promise that the situation will not happen again. This alone should alert you and hint at a desire not to make empty promises.
Double life. The fact of treason was hidden for years. If a person lied for so long and skillfully, then it is better not to have any business with him; deception has become the norm for him.
The cheater directly says that he has feelings for his lover or mistress and cannot break off the relationship. What's the point of living with someone who doesn't love you anymore?
Both of their feelings faded, but no one dared to say it directly. Betrayal will serve as an impetus for a breakup that was inevitable.
Inability to forgive. It is impossible to live together, constantly experiencing suffering, always blaming your partner. This will only lead to stress.

In any of these cases, it is worth breaking off the relationship, otherwise you will have to constantly live in anticipation of a repetition of the situation and admit that you are inferior. Being under constant stress is harmful to the psyche.

Is there life after a loved one's betrayal?

Suppose that after the betrayal of your beloved man, you managed to overcome grievances and forgive him for such an offense. Mutual understanding has been restored to the family, and the betrayal itself is forgotten. Very often, betrayal only benefits family relationships.

Couples in love become even closer and dearer to each other.
Overcoming adversities and troubles together brings a man and a woman closer, making their marriage only stronger. Marriage statistics show that if spouses in a family have experienced infidelity and overcome the adversity associated with it, then their union can well be called strong and reliable. This may seem incomprehensible, but after experiencing betrayal, spouses begin to trust each other much more, and the fairer sex suddenly begins to feel more confident. We can, of course, say that the past ordeal changed both spouses. And, of course, the betrayal was only confirmation that the love between these two is truly real.

The situation is completely different if your lover, after cheating, begins to irritate you incredibly, and your soul is constantly tormented by doubts as to whether you will be able to live and communicate in the future with this person.

In this state of affairs, the best way out would be separation, since only with its help can you try to maintain calm and self-control towards each other.

For such people, close, family and, especially, family relationships become impossible, but you can maintain friendship and continue to communicate with each other (for example, for the sake of a child). Moreover, it will be much easier to do this without preserving family relationships, but by parting like civilized and adult people.

Undoubtedly, after all these squabbles are over, a woman will have to draw certain conclusions for herself and
pay attention to the following data
:

What kind of underwear does she wear at home, what does she wear when relaxing?
Every self-respecting lady should know that it is lingerie that makes a woman sexy and attractive in the eyes of a man.
Most women know about this, but over time, a certain relaxation occurs and self-care fades into the background. And completely in vain!
You should look at yourself carefully in the mirror, assessing it with an outside glance.
How do you look in front of your loved one when there is no need to do makeup and hair when going out, so to speak, in public?
How regularly do you maintain your own physical fitness?
Do you go to a swimming pool or gym? If you don’t have such activities in your life yet, be sure to start doing them. You can even enlist the support of a friend (or friends). This will allow you to combine sports activities that are beneficial for your figure with friendly communication.
If there are children in your family, then they should be protected from discussing the unpleasant relationships of adults.
On the contrary, you should constantly emphasize that you love each other, and, of course, dote on your children.

If you can't forgive betrayal?

If you cannot forgive your partner, then it is better to leave. If you have already tried everything, but you feel that you are still full of anger and resentment, and cannot find a way to move on, then it’s time to call it a day. If you can't communicate with your partner, let alone touch them, or if you always feel like your partner is always surrounded by the opposite sex, then it's time to end the relationship.

It's much better to end a relationship than to force yourself to find a reason why it's not working. Your resentment may only grow and may lead you to hurt the other person by cheating on them or become so emotionally distant that communication becomes impossible.

Remember that even if a person has made great efforts to become a better person after cheating, it may simply be too late. Just because a person is trying very hard right now, you shouldn't hold on to him if you understand that this is not necessary.

You can feel proud that you tried to get through something incredibly difficult, even if it didn't end in success. In any case, it requires enormous courage.

What does it mean to survive betrayal?

Many psychologists use the concept of experiencing betrayal. Ordinary people who find themselves in such a difficult situation do not understand what it means to survive betrayal, what should be done for this?

There are several important rules here:

First of all, if you catch your spouse cheating, do not take any drastic and rash actions. Don't immediately think about who is right and who is wrong
. First, give free rein to your emotions and feelings. They won’t let you make the wrong decision!
The main thing to understand is that you have the right to experience any sensations and feelings for the period of time that you need.
Don't judge yourself
, and even more so, sharing negative impressions of what happened with those who might judge you. At this stage, it is extremely important for both parties to speak out, to tell everything that is now happening in their souls.
The ideal solution for such a conversation would be a visit to a psychologist’s office. Perhaps this meeting will be associated with pain, fear or shame, but during the consultations (yes, there will be many of them), the specialist will look at what feelings arise in a person who has experienced betrayal by his other half.

This feeling can be fatigue from a difficult relationship with a once beloved, and detachment, and coldness, and loss of interest.
It is likely that the psychologist’s client will eventually come to the conclusion that there is no love at all, and that all that remains is a feeling of sadness that everything is long gone, and the habit of being around an unloved person all the time.
It may turn out differently. A person will understand that even after exposing the traitor, he has tender love feelings remained
.
It is from them that he will need to draw strength to forgive and build more serious, deep and lasting relationships. Perhaps it is at such a moment that you will understand how dear and loving the person who changed you is.
The “first” emotions that overtook you after receiving information about your partner’s betrayal, you need to be able to exhale and let go. Without this, you will not be able to realize your true feelings for your spouse.
Immediately after betrayal for many people Losing trust in your partner
. You won't be able to get him back without having a frank conversation with each other about your feelings. And here both spouses should prepare for mutual accusations and insults.
As a rule, such a conversation begins with a negative assessment of the partner (a bastard, a bastard, etc.), then there is an accusation against him (they say, you ruined my whole life, or I gave you my whole life, and you...) and the actual At the end there is a reproach, often presented in the form of a question (how can I live after everything?).
To better imagine what happens to a person listening to such an angry tirade, you just need to imagine yourself in his place. All these words will give him a complete feeling that he is a worthless person, not worthy of forgiveness and understanding. He will have a huge sense of his own guilt and shame.
In such a situation, he is unlikely to want to ask for forgiveness or hug you at this moment. More likely, he will make excuses, or he will choose attack tactics, attacking you with mutual accusations (they say that it is your fault that he cheated). In the end, he may not be able to stand the accusations and simply run away from you.

Preface

Before understanding the question of how to forgive betrayal, you need to understand one simple truth. Psychology is a very subtle science that deals with personalities, characters, souls, each of which is individual and unlike the others. There are temperaments, psychotypes, accentuations - they all behave differently in the same situation.

For example, what will people with different types of temperament do when they learn about cheating?

Phlegmatic person

Will not throw tantrums or cry. Alone, he will silently think about everything and draw conclusions. In most cases, it is this type that forgives betrayal sincerely, but... only until next time. This is a very reasonable type who, after the second betrayal, will still silently pack his bags and leave home. He will worry, but deep inside himself.

Sanguine

He will hold “serious” conversations and try to find compromises. But in general, he takes such life insinuations lightly. If a loved one (beloved) repents and asks for forgiveness, he will forgive, although he will harbor a grudge somewhere inside. Subsequently, he may occasionally remember this, but he will not abuse reproaches. Sanguine people are able to withstand the blows of fate. And, if they truly love, they can forgive betrayal even more than once.

Choleric

God forbid that choleric changes. He will arrange the second end of the world when he finds out about everything. Scandals, hysterics, tears are guaranteed. In a fit of anger, he is capable of hitting and uttering hurtful words. It will take a long time and loudly to sort things out. He is unlikely to be able to forgive. More likely, he will be thrown out of the house. He will also take the children. And the house and car will probably be sued.

Melancholic

He will cry quietly and bitterly. He will lie on the bed all day long, staring at the wall and refusing to eat. He will close himself off, survive and grind everything within himself. After being depressed for a week (give or take), he will leave the room, say that he has forgiven everything and will begin to live as before. But in fact, the melancholic person will secretly relive this insult again and again and cry at night. The saddest thing is that this will be repeated every time if this terrible situation turns out to be not an isolated one.

This brief description clearly demonstrates that all people have different attitudes towards betrayal. And these are only 4 types of temperament. Even in psychology, 11 personality accentuations are recognized (according to Lichko’s classification).

Plus, in socionics there are 16 psychotypes. And each of them has his own vision of the situation. Therefore, even specialized specialists do not have a single correct answer as to whether this is necessary and whether it is even possible to forgive it. All advice is general and recommendatory in nature. Each individual situation requires a deep and thorough analysis.

And now that this idea has been grasped, you can listen to psychologists what they say about forgiving cheaters.

Is it possible to avoid cheating in the future?

Cheating cannot be considered the reason for the breakdown of your relationship with your other half. This is rather a consequence.

It wouldn’t even occur to either spouse to cheat just like that.
First, there is some discord in the relationship, and only then against this background does betrayal occur. Even if it seems to you that the betrayal occurred for no apparent reason, then you are deeply mistaken. Perhaps you simply missed the moment when family relationships took a negative turn.

Unfortunately, until now experts have not been able to find a universal recipe that would help many couples avoid infidelity. For each individual case it is worth looking for your own solution to the problem. But how can you recognize the alarm bell that signals that love has begun to crumble?

Despite all the nuances, there are several important levers that will help spouses avoid cheating. True, you should learn to use them correctly.

In family relationships, you should never tolerate disrespect towards your partner.

Many married couples make a huge mistake, sorting things out with each other in a raised voice, uttering insulting and not entirely flattering words towards each other.
Knowing about their weak points, they “hit” each other where it hurts the most. It seems to many that after reconciliation, all these offensive phrases spoken in the heat of emotion are forgotten. But no, the words, unfortunately, do not return back to their authors, but remain in the souls of those to whom they were addressed.

Alas, respect in this scenario completely disappears, and, as you know, without respect one cannot talk about the harmonious development of relations between lovers. We can say that betrayal becomes the logical conclusion of outdated love.

You need to constantly monitor your appearance

No matter how much family partners love each other, they should not forget about their own appearance.
No matter how strange it may sound, it is appearance that plays one of the main roles in the relationship between a man and a woman. When a representative of the fairer sex stops caring for herself, her man, on a subconscious level, begins to look for a more attractive object for courtship on the side. No, love for your wife, of course, does not go away, but men, as you know, love with their eyes and want to see an attractive woman next to them.

Don't allow indifference in relationships

Partners in family relationships often forget to show due attention to their loved ones and do not look at the happy and unsuccessful moments in the life of their other half.
The spouses seem to be confident that they have love, but at the same time they experience a certain indifference. What kind of love can we talk about in this case in a family where everyone is for himself? And in relationships where there is no love, betrayal often becomes a natural phenomenon.

Constantly fight for your own love

The nature of betrayal can be completely different. Sometimes they can only be provocations of ill-wishers, and sometimes even ordinary inventions of their own.

If you really have feelings for your partner, fight for your own love.
Even if it is too painful and unclear how you can continue to live with a person who could betray you, do not forget that in our life all situations can be interpreted in two ways. Try to look at the situation from a different angle. It is likely that the current crisis will become a new stage in family relationships, which will only strengthen them. If you find the strength to forgive your lover and return your old feelings, then, without a doubt, you will be able to find family happiness again.

Klyushnikova Renata · Jul 26, 2021

How to live on

If you decide to save your family and continue to live together, then you need to change that part of your relationship that led to the betrayal. For example, if dissatisfaction with values led to betrayal, then start talking more with your husband. Find out what is important to him in a relationship, what he would like. Tell us about your values too. Start satisfying each other's conscious and unconscious wishes. And over time, you will notice that the relationship has become more harmonious and happier.

If, for example, the reason for betrayal was the lack of variety in life, then the time has come to begin serious and fruitful work on yourself. To be different all the time, you need to develop yourself spiritually, read, receive more varied information and increase your awareness. As a rule, the less rich and varied a person’s life, the less flexible he is, the more difficult it is for him to change. Men are polygamous, which means that if we want them to be faithful to us, we essentially want to change them. And for this we need to constantly change ourselves.

Tip 1: Don’t chop rashly

Do not make a decision in a state of passion in which a person is after learning about the betrayal, from several hours to several days (it all depends on the type of nervous system). Don’t ask yourself such difficult questions: is it possible to forgive, is it necessary, how to move on, get a divorce or not, etc. Take a break, be alone, ideally, go somewhere for a couple of days (out of town, on a visit , to parents). During this time, you need to calm down as much as possible and pull yourself together:

drink infusions and decoctions of soothing herbs;
walk more in the fresh air;
go to the pool or gym;
lie down for a massage or other spa treatments;
spend time with friends.

The most important thing at this stage is not to think about what happened, not to stress yourself out and not to make any decisions. This must be done while in a sober mind, that is, calmed down. Only after the stress has subsided slightly, return to a constructive conversation with the cheater. Listen, weigh the pros and cons, consult (with a specialist, parents, friends) to look at the situation objectively.

Why do men cheat?

This article will be useful not only to those who have already experienced betrayal, but also to those who would like to protect themselves from such an event. Let's figure out what is the reason for male infidelity.

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The reasons may be as follows:

Deep personality deformation since childhood. Beliefs and attitudes absorbed with mother's milk. For such a man, cheating is in the order of things, and he is unlikely to want to change anything. Only a psychotherapist can help in this case.
Sexual addiction, depravity. A man does not have enough sex in marriage, or his wife is not ready to fulfill his very specific desires, far from the norm, then he will look for satisfaction on the side. This is why sexual compatibility in marriage is so important.
The influence of the environment. For example, all his married friends are used to looking for entertainment on the side and laugh that, they say, he is henpecked if he is going to be faithful. Not everyone is able to withstand such pressure. The solution is to change your environment or learn to defend your opinion and boundaries.
Escape from family problems. If everything is bad in a marriage, the wife mostly “nags” and “blows her mind”, never thanks, does not praise, does not believe in her husband, sooner or later another may appear who will look at him with admiring eyes.
Weakness of will and inability to refuse. This includes casual relationships, often after alcohol intoxication, when a man cannot control himself.
Protection from an imposed, unloved woman. For example, if a man didn’t really want to get married, but had to, he can cheat. Everyone wants love by choice, not by force.

Responsibility for betrayal always lies with the one who cheated. After all, he had a choice - to solve family problems or be forgotten on the side. Therefore, no one removes the blame from a man, but it is worth understanding that a woman’s influence often plays a big role.