The topic of relationships between men and women is as old as time. At all times, people have strived to get closer to the solution to why the opposite sex has such an attractive force and how to learn to better understand each other. When creating a couple, each person finds something important for themselves in this union, or, on the contrary, experiences disappointment from unjustified expectations and unfulfilled hopes.
Psychologists note that men and women understand the value and meaning of relationships differently, and accordingly, their opinions on what is most important may often not coincide.
Female and male perspective on the issue
Oddly enough, the main problem that prevents you from building strong and healthy relationships is the difference in the views of men and women. What is important to some may not be considered as a serious argument by others at all.
Women striving for harmonious relationships see the picture in their own way. Much depends on the girl’s individuality, but there are still some general principles:
- A man must ensure the stability of relationships, be reliable, and responsible. Confidence and constancy, as well as commitment and the desire to defend your love are welcome. A woman sees such a partner as a worthy father of her future children.
- Sincerity, respectful and caring attitude towards his partner are mandatory character traits of a man. A guy must be ready not only to love his chosen one, but also to take care of her, show concern, help as needed, be actively interested in life, and also be able to listen and hear.
- The experience and skill of the chosen one are of great importance. A man, according to girls, must be dexterous, enthusiastic, and have a certain status in his professional activities. A sense of humor is encouraged.
- A gallant man has a better chance of harmony in a relationship with a girl, since she needs to hear compliments addressed to her, to feel needed, significant, and attractive.
If a man is not conservative, then for the most part he shares women's interests. But most guys stick to the traditional point of view, having their own list of expectations:
- He must be the head of the family, the master of the situation; his opinion cannot be disputed; he has the last word.
- The girl must provide him with understanding, acceptance of his views, sharing of goals without imposing her own. Under no circumstances should you act out of spite.
- A woman is required to respect a man’s habits and needs, because he is not going to adapt to someone.
- A girl who knows how to listen without interrupting or criticizing has every chance of building a strong relationship with him.
- Men are often characterized by heroism. Such a person wants the lady of his heart to see in him a knight, a hero capable of protecting, noble, romantic, admirable.
- Comparisons with someone more successful are unacceptable. Men value their individuality and are ready to strengthen and defend it. It is important for them that the woman they love appreciates the characteristics of her lover, and does not compare him with anyone.
- Excessive demands or disobedience of a friend can become an obstacle to harmony. She is supposed to appreciate everything he does for her and the common good.
- A girl’s ability to adapt to her companion will only raise her in men’s eyes.
- Restriction of personal space or freedom, control over a man’s actions and time are unacceptable.
- The girl is required to be sexually liberated. It will be an additional advantage if the partner herself offers to try something new in bed. This, according to the guy, will only fuel the passion.
- For a man in a relationship with a woman, the main thing is her ability to be patient, calm, not to find fault with little things, and also to constantly support her betrothed.
- A woman must correspond to the idea of an ideal - to be faithful, but there is nothing wrong with other men admiring her beauty. Attractiveness, elegance, a high level of culture are a necessity.
Also, men are usually inclined to believe that a harmonious relationship between a guy and a girl is impossible without maintaining intrigue. A woman should be able to surprise her lover and constantly introduce something new into family communication.
The meaning of values
Values are very important for creating healthy relationships, and subsequently for a prosperous family. They develop a worldview, an individual view of the world and the events taking place in it. Certain traditions are a beacon for moving forward, helping a person to limit the important from the unimportant, the useful from the useless, from the point of view of his individual needs and beliefs. Without them, any actions will be chaotic and meaningless. It is the value system that unites people into a family and creates the prospect of its development.
The main components of an ideal relationship
It is wrong to say that without love a relationship will work. But it is also wrong to say that she alone is enough for a strong marriage. According to experts in the field of psychology, the most important things in relationships are:
- respect and trust are, of course, mutual;
- sexual compatibility, rich intimate life;
- devotion;
- personal or spiritual growth, continuous development;
- financial stability;
- ability to listen and hear;
- similar views on life;
- same religious point of view.
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Trust and mutual respect
Without trust, you cannot build strong relationships - both women and men agree with this. Constant control over a partner, groundless jealousy, lies, and a sense of understatement will destroy even the strongest marriage.
But you need to share your thoughts without fear, judgment or dissatisfaction. This will serve as the key to long-term communication.
Mutual respect is the basis of harmonious relationships with the opposite sex; without it, it will not be possible to build a dialogue, and partners will not be able to feel equal.
Sex life
Even if sex is not the main thing, but without it, like without other components, you cannot build a normal relationship. Intimate relationships should be based on trust between partners, respect for each other’s desires and needs, and the absence of emotional barriers. If sex only brings pleasure to one of the partners, then this is not normal.
In order to constantly maintain passion at the required level, you will have to take care of the diversity of your sex life.
Monotony quickly becomes boring and boring, so often one of the partners or both at once tries to start a relationship on the side.
Decisions about improving the intimate sphere cannot fall on the shoulders of only one partner. They are accepted together.
Devotion
Loyalty is always the basis of a happy relationship. It combines several points at once: mutual trust, respect, reluctance to hurt a loved one.
It is very easy to destroy trust through betrayal, but most often it will not be possible to restore it, or it will require a titanic effort. If a crack appears on something, sooner or later it will fall apart, but it will no longer be whole.
Spiritual and personal development
In order for the interest between partners to be constant, it is important to constantly improve and develop. Maintaining a beautiful appearance is difficult, but it is even harder to monitor your personal or spiritual development. Typically, when one person has a crush, their lover subconsciously tries to keep up. This is the case when competition is a motivator, an impetus for development.
It is important to show interest in your loved one’s hobby, even if your preferences have little in common with him. This requires the ability and desire to respect your partner, and in order to move towards the same goal together, you will need trust. The connection between the main principles of the relationship is obvious.
Financial component
Although money is not the main thing, harmony cannot be achieved without a stable financial situation. A man and a woman want stability, otherwise the boat of love will quickly capsize due to constant quarrels on domestic grounds, the eternal lack of money, and the inability to satisfy their primary needs.
Who earns money in the family is not so important, the main thing is that none of the spouses listen to accusations of financial insolvency. As soon as someone falls into dependence, including material dependence, you can forget about harmonious communication.
Ability to listen and hear
The ability to listen and hear is the basis of normal dialogue, where no one pulls the blanket over themselves. Also, these skills affect the understanding of the partner and acceptance of him for who he is. The shortcomings of a loved one can interfere with building relationships. Trying to correct him will not work, because he is formed as a person. Demanding this from yourself is also stupid, but you can always correct communication that causes pain and discomfort. A sincerely loving person will get rid of bad habits or at least try to reduce their negative impact on his loved one, so as not to spoil what was given with such difficulty.
When shortcomings interfere with communication, it is important to clearly define the boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable. This will help correct each other’s behavior, and there will be a desire to become better in order to be closer.
Understanding and acceptance are the basis for any difficulties; without them, constant scandals and conflicts will destroy relationships.
Points of contact in views
It is not at all necessary to be like your lover or completely share his views on life. But without points of contact, it is also impossible to build normal relationships. When a couple has common interests, both look at many things the same way, there is one goal or cause, then the union is destined for a happy future. In such relationships, a man and a woman are not just lovers and cohabitants, but partners, friends, equals.
American psychologists conducted a study which found that when searching for a soul mate, people subconsciously choose those who not only have similar interests, but also similar facial features.
Religious point of view
When talking about harmony in relationships, we must not forget about religious compatibility. Although in the modern world this is no longer as relevant as in the past, religious beliefs can still become a stumbling block between lovers.
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If partners are of the same faith, for example, Orthodox, problems usually do not arise. It’s another matter if they belong to different faiths or one is a deeply religious believer and the other an atheist. It is important to find out in advance how your loved one views the fact that religious views differ. Tolerance and respect for the partner’s opinion will largely determine whether such people can live together without reproaches, disputes, accusations and ridicule.
Destructive factors
Certain factors are more likely to lead to the end. They can be avoided if each partner works on themselves and intimacy.
Factors that spoil relationships include:
- Criticism. It is impossible to endure constant dissatisfaction and reproaches from your significant other for a long time. At the heart of criticism is a loss of respect. This problem can destroy the most reverent intimacy. With loss of interest and feelings, a functional union can be maintained, but lack of respect inevitably ends in failure. Partners turn into real enemies who find it difficult to overcome themselves in order to make peace and begin to respect each other again. The situation can only be changed through joint efforts. If only one party actively meets halfway, looks for attractive qualities in the chosen one, then the relationship is doomed.
- Distance. People don’t ask about each other’s past day, health, or experiences. Sometimes such coldness comes from one partner. In response to questions, he remains melancholy or aggressively silent. It is difficult to discuss problems with an indifferent person; the emotional distance here only increases. This is due to loss of feelings and interest. In this phase, a person tries to notice differences, whereas previously he saw only similarities. Psychologists talk about a repetition of the crisis that every child experiences when leaving the zone of influence of his father and mother. Such a fracture is natural. You can survive it if you still have respect. It is worth looking for common ground, getting to know each other.
- Negativism. It is difficult to coexist with an inveterate pessimist or with an overly unstable person. Constant emotional shocks and exaggeration of problems are depressing. Sometimes it is impossible to convince such individuals. If one partner revels in pessimism, then the other will suffer emotional devastation. When negativism manifests itself in two people in the same way, it can even bring them closer. Often a person demonstrates dissatisfaction with life only next to his companion, out of spite. This is an indicator of loss of interest and respect for the chosen one. It is worth discussing the problem openly.
Relationships are a difficult test. In long-term unions, the positive aspects of a personality and its shortcomings are revealed, so obstacles are inevitable. It is worth preparing to fight, but not with each other, but for happiness.
They radiate happiness
Men do not like hysterical, unhappy and problematic women. But most of the ladies are sure that a potential partner is not a person, but a function through which women’s problems are solved. Men, of course, quickly read all this and try to stay away.
Girls, more enthusiasm, spontaneity, love for yourself and the world around you! Don’t burden a young man with your problems already on the first date - he wants to get a buzz from life and being around a woman.
If you are filled with harmony, radiate positivity and happiness, guys will circle around you, fly to you like butterflies to the light. And if you are an overweight, dull, heavy person, you need to do something about it.
Third is respect
Respect is a warm acceptance of your partner, his character, feelings, recognition of his abilities, respectful attitude towards decisions, activities, interests, personal space.
Without respect, relationships cease to be comfortable. People insult each other, speak in a raised voice, unceremoniously invade personal space with their reproaches and moralizing.
The main reason for this is the inability to respect the territory of a loved one.
To make your union strong and comfortable, never neglect conversations that are important to your loved one. Listen to him, show interest in his problem. And don’t forget that you can’t cross a certain line and insult your partner.
Fifth, the most important thing is support.
It is support that makes us stronger and does not allow us to give up in difficult situations. It gives you a feeling of confidence and helps you develop and grow. Most often, we seek support from those closest to us. And if a partner constantly criticizes, hits on sore spots, reacts harshly to weaknesses, concentrates on shortcomings and does not support interests, then one gives up and loses the desire to do anything. The atmosphere in such a family is demoralizing.
To prevent this, be attentive to your loved one, listen and support him if he needs it.
Love, trust, respect, intimacy and support are the main criteria for a harmonious union. A relationship must necessarily include these 5 components, only in this case can it be happy and long-lasting.
Responsibility
Another most important quality of a man in the family. Because marriage is a responsibility. For the family, for its well-being, for myself. Before marriage, pay attention to how a person fulfills his obligations to you, to his loved ones, to friends and employers. If you see that a person approaches all tasks seriously and responsibly, this is most likely how he will behave in the family. By the way, some young ladies may be scared off by such a man: “He is so correct, so serious! It's boring!" This is due to their lack of knowledge.
Discipline
Some men have been disorganized and somewhat unserious about life since their school years. They may be late, forget to complete an assigned task, do everything “behind them,” be distracted from an important task... The wives of such husbands often call them “another child in the family.” There is infantilism in behavior here. A disciplined man is the exact opposite of a “man-child.” This is a responsible person who takes the assigned tasks seriously. You can rely on him for everything. Needless to say, this is exactly the kind of life partner that most unmarried women dream of.
Romance
We are all princesses at heart... Even if age has long stopped us from admitting it. Even if we were raised as warriors... Every woman appreciates the romantic impulses of the stronger sex. Candlelight dinners, tender confessions, compliments, bouquets of flowers, courageous deeds in our honor - all this affects us, even if for some reason we try to resist advances. Of course, complete romance in marriage is impossible - even very young girls understand this. But the romantic behavior of a husband (even occasionally!) is exactly what a wife needs in order to feel like a real woman - loved and beautiful.
The fourth thing that is most important in a relationship between a guy and a girl is intimacy
Intimacy between a loving couple brings vivid memories and pleasant experiences to the relationship. It brings partners closer and allows you to fully express your feelings and emotions. Important for both psychological and physical health.
The quality and regularity of sexual contact in a married couple may decline. And this is quite natural, because over time we get to know our partner fully and have an idea of what intimacy will be like next time.
It is very important that your sex life does not become predictable.
To remove monotony, various experiments will help: starting with a place for bonding, ending with role-playing games, erotic lingerie, and various toys.
Don't cling to a man
Probably, self-esteem is even the first thing to start with on the list of qualities. If you look more closely at all the girls who are lucky in love, you will notice that they never cling, never ask for anything, which is why men themselves give them plenty of everything - love, attention or more material things.
Such women are easily able to break away even from their beloved man, as soon as they begin to love them less. They don’t create illusions, don’t cling, just leave!
You look at her and you understand that no one owes her anything, she is lightness itself with no complaints about a man. And this makes him want to lay the moon at her feet! But if you beg and pull everything, a man wants to give less and less. That's the whole difference.
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