Why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave them, reasons and psychology why husbands have mistresses

Research has shown that men cheat twice as often as women. However, a husband’s infidelity does not always lead to divorce. Often men manage to “sit on two chairs”, having a mistress and at the same time, as if nothing had happened, spending time with their family. Many women are simply unable to understand such behavior of their spouses. But psychologists do not see anything strange in this state of affairs. I talk about why a man cheats but does not leave his family in this article.

The wife deprives her husband of a sense of fulfillment and self-sufficiency

In our society, many men do not feel self-sufficient always and everywhere.
At the beginning of a family relationship, the husband’s inner emptiness is covered by his wife. They think they will love each other forever.

For him, a wife is a woman who will always be with him.

Now he feels self-sufficient and safe.

In your family, you yourself can deprive each other of what you then begin to look for in other people:

A wife may begin to deprive her husband of a sense of self-sufficiency and confidence during frequent scandals, domestic problems or misunderstandings. This happens when spouses have been together for a very long time.
Time passes, the wife no longer gives the love that she gave before. And the husband looks for her in the arms of his mistress.
The wife no longer gives this feeling of fullness and harmony , the husband begins to look for this feeling on the side.

If all this exactly happens in your relationship, then that is why a married man will have a mistress.

This is a problem not only for the wife, but also for the husband. He had to increase his level of awareness, work on himself and be self-sufficient on his own, without relying on external factors.

Is there a chance to save the family after betrayal?

This question can only be answered by the person himself who has faced betrayal. Every case is different, and there are no clear instructions here. In practice, it is easier to restore relationships for couples where there was only physical infidelity. And the partner did not have time to develop emotional attachment to another woman.

Correspondence on social networks and SMS lead to fantasies, which over time transform into feelings. If, in addition to sex, a man and his mistress had close communication, then saving the marriage becomes much more difficult.

A competent psychologist and your own self-control will help save your family. Once you have decided to forgive, do not remind your partner of the betrayal every time you quarrel. Forgiveness must come deeply from the heart, and not just in words. Otherwise, old grievances will turn into endless scandals. And the man will again start looking for another woman.

Marriages where love and respect are central are more likely to experience infidelity. But it is important to make decisions on your own, and not ask for advice from friends or relatives.

Elena and Yuri have been married for more than 15 years. But the woman constantly criticizes and humiliates her partner. As a result, he cheated on his wife with her best friend. Although Elena was hurt, she decided to talk openly. The husband said that he was not comfortable in the relationship because he did not feel respected. But he asked for forgiveness and offered to try again. The wife forgave and began to show respect. So Elena and Yuri saved their marriage.

He found a lover who is just cool to be with

With his wife, the husband often does not feel cool. With my wife it’s a family, it’s love, an idyll and children.

And there is another girl who is cool!

Let's explore in more detail the question of why men have mistresses and the psychology of their thinking, why they secretly spend time with them:

The mistress helps her husband mentally escape from family and everyday problems.
He has a mistress with whom he wants intimacy and who turns him on very much.
He gets himself a girl who delights him.
A mistress gives those new emotions and sensations that a wife does not give.
He can talk about things with this new woman that he can never talk to with his wife.

What is the way out of such situations so that the husband stops going out on the side?

You see, family life consists of many nuances, one might say, of a thousand little things. After all, it seems, just think, I didn’t praise him, he himself knows how good he is, and how much I appreciate him.

But... she said nothing once, forgot the second time, but for a man, this is a breath of air, this is another minus one brick from the foundation of his self-esteem.

Everyone is accustomed to praising a woman, saying how beautiful she is, how pretty she is, etc. And they somehow forgot about men, like they are so courageous, brutal, they don’t care about these emotions.

But these are stereotypes, and our society is prone to stereotypical thinking, especially when it comes to men and masculine behavior.

One of these stereotypes is that a man will always walk because that’s how they are, boys don’t cry, don’t feel, they’re made of stone, etc.

Sad…

Surely, it seems to you that I attack women and justify men for their infidelity, like, that’s how they are, and they need it? No way!

In a family problem, and especially in a crisis, and betrayal is a family crisis, both are always to blame!

Some did not say, some remained silent, they did not talk, did not discuss, etc. and this continues for years, and then, someone starts to go to the side.

After all, the situation did not arise yesterday, right? This means that there were prerequisites, there was mutual behavior and attitude towards each other.

The husband is polygamous and previously lived in an open relationship

On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it would be correct to mention the following facts:

Your spouse cannot immediately suppress his instincts , if previously he gave them complete freedom. He can't stop looking at other women anymore.
No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest.
If a man is an alpha male in life, a hunter and a lover , then it will be difficult for him to suppress this in himself.
The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desires , but he cannot do this openly and cheats.

Therefore, he secretly makes cool mistresses, with whom it is cool and with whom he can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems that arise from it.

What not to do

In such a nervous situation, it is very easy to make common mistakes that you will later regret or be ashamed of. Millions of women step on the same rake, guided by emotions and anger. The consequences may not come immediately, but they will definitely come. So it's better to prevent them.

Pretend that nothing happened

The stupidest decision in such a situation is to pretend that nothing happened. Although there is an opinion that the husband will work up and return, and the relationship will only become stronger from this. But this has nothing to do with reality.

Having received permission to cheat, the husband will stop hiding.

With her silence, the wife gives permission for cheating. The husband will see that his adventures remain unpunished, and will no longer hide. He will stay late more often, spend weekends and holidays away from home, and stop coming up with good excuses. And at some point you may find someone else's hair on your pillow.

By turning a blind eye to betrayal, the wife loses respect from her husband. He will continue to cheat, but without feeling guilty - after all, he was allowed to.

Involving children

Involving children in your disputes is a terrible decision. No matter how bad a husband is, for children he is first and foremost a father, as beloved and dear as his mother. And when the wife deliberately turns the children against the father, their world collapses in two. Complexes or psychological problems may appear.

By turning children against their father, you punish them first.

There is no need to tell them all the nuances of what happened or demonize dad in their eyes. Allow the father to see and communicate with the children to minimize the consequences of your quarrel.

Be sure to make it clear that it is not their fault for what happened, and that you and dad still love them just the same.

Share details with family

You should not tell your parents that your husband is having an affair with another woman. Nobody knows how life will turn out. It is quite possible that you and your spouse will decide to start over with a clean slate and try to forget about the unpleasant incident. And relatives will not forget, which is fraught with discord in the family.

There is also no need to remain silent and experience all emotions alone. You can speak out, cry and ask for advice from a close friend whom you trust.

Edit in response

Revenge for betrayal by reciprocal betrayal is not the best option:

having cheated with another man, the wife will become like her traitor husband;
the woman will most likely be tormented by pangs of conscience for this trip to the side;
this is cruel to another man, because few people want to be just an instrument of revenge;
Later, you may feel ashamed and disgusted that you only slept with someone out of revenge.

Although there are exceptions. If you have long dreamed of spending the night with someone you know, but couldn’t decide to cheat, you can give yourself the green light. In some situations, this makes it easier to accept the husband’s betrayal and even save the family. As they say - in the calculation.

Dating my husband's mistress

Very often, deceived wives direct their anger towards their mistresses. Although this makes no sense, because she is an outsider. It is the husband who should be faithful to you, but betrayed your trust. He's the one you should be angry at.

There is no point in arguing with your mistress, because only your husband betrayed you.

A husband is an adult who must be accountable for his actions. If he does not want to cheat on his wife, no one can force or seduce him. Therefore, the answer must be held by the deceiving husband, and a conversation with his mistress will not lead to anything good.

Give up on yourself

Under no circumstances should you give up on your personal life. There may be an opinion that all men on the planet cheat, but this is not so.

Of course, after such an unpleasant surprise, the deceived woman is unlikely to start a new romance or get married in the coming days, but recovering from the blow after a while is quite possible.

She gives all her time to the child

If a child appears in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time only with him at first.

How does a baby affect your sex life?:

These are constant screams at night that will not allow you to rest together.
This is caring for the baby, diapering, breastfeeding.
A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
Sometimes, when the baby sucks milk from the mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of pleasure. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.

Hence, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.

The husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion together with his mistress.

In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.

Reasons for betrayal

To develop the right strategy of behavior, you need to figure out why your husband cheated. There is no need to console yourself with hopes that if you haven’t left, it means there is a meaningless affair on the side that will soon end. Those who think this way sometimes have to put up with it for years. Just don’t need to immediately run to him with a scandal or urgently find out who she is and go to her for a showdown.

Psychologists recommend that you first calm down, collect your thoughts and understand why your husband is cheating. Consider any options, apply even the most fantastic guesses to your situation. Sometimes they turn out to be true.

Reason 1. Polygamy

Many have heard about the polygamous nature of men, but not everyone believes in it. Indeed, why then do some constantly cheat, while others remain faithful throughout their marriage? Here it comes down to the degree of education and character. There are those who have been instilled with moral standards and the value of family as a unit of society since childhood. It would never even occur to such people to start a relationship with another woman. There are those who are naturally modest, shy, or have some kind of physical disability that prevents them from “walking to the left.” But, if polygamy is combined with good external data, a cheerful and sociable character, vague moral values and childhood problems associated with the relationship of parents, rest assured: such a husband will cheat.

What to do? It will no longer be possible to correct it, as psychologists say. If these are new, meaningless affairs every time for self-affirmation, in the end he will get tired of it, and he can become an exemplary family man. But no one will say when this comes, not even himself. If you have the strength to sincerely forgive, the marriage can be saved. But there are also men who take a permanent mistress and cheat with her for years, while at the same time they do not leave their wife. This state of affairs definitely cannot be tolerated, and the question must be radically raised: either me or her. As practice shows, if he decides to be with her, he will cheat on her too - it’s only a matter of time. This is where polygamy comes into play.

The main thing is to understand: you are not to blame for this!

Reason 2. The pursuit of pleasure

Analyze: does your husband like to indulge himself with various pleasant things? The desire for pleasure can manifest itself in different ways: drinks expensive cognac, buys only branded clothes, indulges in a delicious meal in a restaurant, goes for a massage, etc. There are men who can afford all this, but they have different values : they work hard, invest money in investments, pamper their wives, raise their children, and only satisfy their needs on holidays. If yours belongs to the first type, it means that in the pursuit of pleasure, he may cheat from time to time. Other women are a source of new, pleasant sensations for him.

What to do? First, understand that most likely he does not have a permanent mistress. Secondly, this is exactly the case when a wife can independently solve the problem - diversify the sex life in marriage and become for him the very source of pleasure that he is looking for on the side. Believe me: if you load him at 100 at night, he will have neither the desire nor the strength to “walk to the left.”

Reason 3. Problems in intimate life

This is the reason that pushes men to cheat on their wives in 75% of cases. This is far from the same as receiving pleasure described above. Here the husband deliberately commits adultery, because the intimate life in marriage has become boring and boring to him, and his masculine essence requires the release of energy, the conquest of new Everests and the satisfaction of his needs. And here he can already have that same permanent mistress.

What to do? First, honestly answer the following questions:

Is everything okay in your intimate life with your husband?
Does this happen to you less than once a week?
Do you experiment with poses?
Do you only do this at home?
Is there any diversity in this area in your family?

After answering these questions, you will understand for yourself whether this could be the reason why your husband cheated on you. The solution is to make an appointment with a sexologist, learn the basics of massage, get acquainted with role-playing games, and update your underwear wardrobe.

Reason 4. Dissatisfaction

Husbands and wives alike can feel dissatisfied with their marriage and life in general. The other half does not understand, the spiritual closeness has long gone, they have become practically strangers. Everyday problems, loans, difficulties at work, teenage children do not listen, etc. Everything comes together in a clump. This happens especially often during age crises. However, spouses solve this problem in different ways. Women usually immerse themselves in raising children or careers. Men try to prove their worth by having a mistress.

What to do? If both feel dissatisfaction in a marriage, you should not save it, even for the sake of the children. Psychologists recommend getting a divorce and starting a new life.

Reason 5. Dependence on public opinion

Unfortunately, stereotypes are still alive in society that “a normal man should have an apartment, a car, an exemplary and boring family with children and a spectacular blonde mistress.” If those around your husband think in exactly these patterns, the weak-willed one will buy into it and have a passion on the side just for the sake of showing off this connection to colleagues and friends.

What to do? The plus is that there is definitely no love there and never will be. If you need to save your marriage, try to slowly change your husband's environment. Advise to find a new job if the main “catalysts” are colleagues. Introduce him to other families where a man considers it beneath his dignity to cheat on his wife.

These are the reasons that always leave a chance to save the marriage and return your loved one, if you have the strength to forgive him. There are also many other factors that push people to cheat (unexpected passion, financial dependence, complete loss of interest in their wife), but they are deeper and contribute to the fact that men decide to divorce. But this is not your situation, because yours is cheating, but remains with you.

Everything is bad in bed, dissatisfaction

Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.

Your marital games in bed may not satisfy your partner.

Not all women are skilled in bed for the following reasons::

The wife is very young and not so experienced .
Some girls are very uptight and do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
Lack of education and limitations in knowledge.
Not all wives want to accept their men's fantasies . A man by nature loves to make his extreme fantasies come true. Some people completely refuse to experiment.

If a man has tried this and that, but it doesn’t change or add variety in bed, out of desperation he may find himself a mistress.

Or even just find a walking girl for one night.

After all, if a wife is very bad in bed , a man can find a girl who is simply better in many ways.

The husband can find that girl on the side who makes him just blow his mind in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.

About a different smell

Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman . Even if her husband took a shower or put on perfume, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man suspects nothing, but the woman digs into her head and keeps wondering: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”

And the husband may still naively believe that everything is under control and he is in control of the situation. He does not even suspect that his wife recognized the smell of another.

What pushes men to cheat

With the first type, everything is clear, but it’s worth taking a closer look at why a man gets a mistress, tired of the routine. After all, nothing happens in a vacuum; something pushed him to this act.

Sometimes there is no sign of trouble.

Psychologists have proven that both spouses are somehow to blame for treason. Even in the case of a womanizer, a woman allows her husband to cheat, forgives affairs, and ignores signs of cheating. But in the case of “tired” husbands, the family situation plays a key role.

Why does a married man decide to commit adultery? The reasons for cheating are individual:

someone gets eaten by a “housewife”,
someone is looking for adrenaline,
someone simply no longer has tender feelings for their spouse.

Often all these reasons overlap each other and form a snowball.

Tyrant wife

Usually this word is usually applied to husbands, but they are also found among women.

And among women there are tyrants.

Instead of home comfort, harmony, tranquility and a loving atmosphere, tension and nervousness reign in the house. A man cannot relax at home and rest after work. And even more so, he doesn’t feel love and care from his wife, so he gets it elsewhere.

What does a tyrant wife do:

Acts cold and distant.
He is constantly rude and makes insulting jokes.
She bullies her husband and pokes her nose at his shortcomings.
Compares with other men he knows, not in favor of the spouse.
He creates scandals every day out of nowhere.
Doesn’t take care of the house, doesn’t cook (relevant for those who don’t work).

There is nothing surprising in the fact that a husband driven to white heat takes a mistress. The only question is why a man cheats and does not leave such a family.

What should the wife do in this case? Take a sober look at yourself from the outside, realize your mistakes and change your behavior.

The wife is not so beautiful

A lot changes during married life, including appearance. Over the years, people take less and less care of themselves, lose their former attractiveness, but men love with their eyes. Watching a plump wife at home who walks around in old (house) clothes, often with a careless bun and without makeup, the husband loses interest in her.

Only my husband is at home, so I can relax.

But the mistress is pleasing to the eye - she is young, slender, attractive, and always tries to dress up before a meeting. The man himself feels at his best when he is next to such a beauty.

Problems in bed

In marriage, sex often turns into simply a marital duty that needs to be done for show. And not only for women, but also for men. This happens due to dissatisfaction with the process:

Having the same sexual partner for many years can simply become boring.
The wife lies like a log, does not participate in the process in any way and simply waits for it to end.
The spouse does not agree to any types of sex or experiments, we have to make up for it on the side.
Constant refusals of intimacy - due to resentment, headache, crying child, fatigue, etc.

In such a situation, one should talk, discuss the problems and find a solution. But husbands will prefer to take the simple route - find someone on the side to get pleasure without unnecessary complications.

Not enough attention

Men also want to be given time, cared for and shown tenderness. But some women simply cannot give it to them: household chores, personal hobbies, and overtime work take up too much time. If there is a child in the family, husbands are often relegated to secondary roles and are not noticed.

Lack of attention divides the couple.

Men do not receive attention from their spouse and begin to look for it somewhere on the side.

The birth of a child

There is an opinion that a child strengthens the family. But in fact, the birth of a baby is a serious test for a relationship. Not everyone copes with the difficulties that have befallen them; many are simply not ready for change.

Lack of sex . During pregnancy, if there are complications and risks, doctors recommend sexual rest. After the birth of a baby, a woman cannot have sex for at least a couple of months. After this, other obstacles appear - the wife is exhausted during the day, the child interrupts the process by crying, it is not comfortable to have sex with the baby, and so on.
The wife is busy with something else . Young mothers devote a lot of time to their baby, so there is no time left for their husband. Often he is moved to another room so that crying does not wake him up at night. There is no joint leisure time, all conversations come down to the child, mutual claims “look after the child” appear. As a result, a gap and alienation appears between the spouses.
Mother's image . Also, some men cannot perceive a wife who has given birth and is breastfeeding a baby as a sexual object. Often such consequences occur after joint childbirth.
Fatigue . The child needs to be constantly looked after, diapers changed, fed, bathed, put to bed, walked and many other small duties. You can’t get enough sleep at night because the baby is crying, and during the day you need to constantly watch him. Fatigue accumulates, causes irritation, and as a result, the slightest mistake erupts into a scandal.
Jealousy . No matter how strange it may be, many men are jealous of their beloved for their newborn child. A woman, becoming a mother, gives all her time, affection and energy to the child.

A wise man will always support his wife in this difficult time, endure the difficult first years, and remain faithful. But for weak men, the birth of a child is a reason for betrayal.

Treason "for company"

Influenced men may cheat on their wife just because all of his friends are cheating and laughing at him. Although such a man is weak-willed, he is offended by the thought that someone considers him “not a man.”

When friends are really bad influences.

Therefore, such a person does not so much want to cheat on his wife as not to stand out among the bulk of his fellow womanizers.

Vivid emotions

Men who cheat are simply missing something in their lives. Routine, monotony and predictability of life kills them, so during a midlife crisis many husbands begin to cheat.

After all, an affair on the side gives them an indescribable explosion of emotions:

A new sexual partner, usually younger than his wife.
Joy that I was able to captivate and win someone.
Double life - hiding an affair, hiding, making up excuses.
Adrenaline from the fear that they might catch you and find out.
Diversity in life - in addition to home and work, you can go to your mistress.

A novel on the side is like a breath of fresh air, so many plunge into it headlong and cannot refuse.

Subconscious Attitudes

Patriarchy has always been widespread in Russia, in which the interests of men are placed above all else, the husband was considered the head of the family and an unshakable authority. Men, convinced of their dominant position, believe that they have the right to sleep with other women, but his wife does not have such a right.

Male infidelity is like a privilege.

At the same time, infidelity is imposed from all sides - it is discussed in films, TV series, books, music, news about stars, office gossip and stories from friends. At the same time, women are often blamed for them, and men are justified by primitive instincts.

If a man saw his father cheating as a child, he can repeat this scenario in his family.

Because of the perception “You can change as long as no one finds out”

Because of television and the mass media, the idea that married men are obliged to cheat is implanted in the brain of a young man from birth.

Guys cheat, even though they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and a common occurrence, as if in the order of things.

In some families, wives directly make it clear to their partner: “ If you are cheating on me, do it so that I don’t find out .”

They actually voice it and say it, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.

Of course, later the wife will regret what she said if the betrayal comes to light.

What to do if you find out about your husband’s infidelity, but he is in no hurry to leave you?

The first thing you need is time. You need to sort out your feelings and understand what really connects you with your husband.
Try living alone for a while. If possible, go on vacation and change your surroundings.
Don't withdraw into yourself and try to maintain open communication with your husband. Talk about your feelings.
Weigh the pros and cons of divorce for you.
If necessary, consult a psychologist so as not to cheat in response out of revenge.
Do not communicate with your husband's mistress.
Shift the focus to yourself. Take care of yourself, and others will begin to treat you accordingly.
Avoid paranoid behavior: Don't spy on your spouse.

To create jealousy or for revenge

Some men are very jealous. They may be motivated by selfish motives for cheating.

That is, even because of a simple feeling of envy or a feeling of inferiority, the husband wants to make his wife jealous.

Another reason could be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him at some point.

Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and stroke his pride on the side, taking revenge on his wife.

For example, he sees his wife communicating and flirting with other men at some holiday.

Her husband is often jealous of all men in a row.

He remembers all this and is looking for a mistress so that now they will be jealous of him .

How to behave: forgive or break up

So, you know that there was definitely betrayal. Usually, after something like this, it is difficult for a woman to recover for some time; she wants to scream and climb the wall, calling her betraying spouse the last words, but this is not worth doing. The main thing to remember is that this terrible pain piercing the heart will definitely pass. Sooner or later it will calm down, settle down, become almost unnoticeable, and then disappear completely. And although it is not yet clear how to survive your husband’s betrayal, you need to constantly repeat this to yourself. All will pass.

After an internal struggle, if she managed to maintain composure, the woman must figure out why the betrayal occurred. A cool awareness of the reason will help you understand how to behave: there is no need to rush at a man with accusations. The husband knows what he did was terrible. The time has come to discuss future relationships, because you will no longer be able to live as before. It is necessary to determine what to do: forgive or leave? Save the marriage or give up everything?

If you have firmly decided that you can no longer live with the man who cheated on you, you should finally break off the relationship. This will allow you to start a new life: it will ache in your heart for a long time, but soon you will notice that every day waking up alone is getting easier and easier, and you miss old evenings less and less. You will have to bear responsibility for this act - you must allow yourself and the man to live on without regard to the past together.

But what to do if your husband cheated, but you don’t want to leave? Many women are afraid to be left alone, and if the spouses have a child, it is even more difficult to destroy the family. Separately, it is worth saying that for the sake of a child, you should not live with a person who is no longer dear to you. Children feel everything perfectly, so your child will probably notice the tension that appears. Parental quarrels will interfere with adequate child development, so you should only stay together when you are ready to continue the relationship and forgive.

If the stage of lies and omissions between you has passed, and your mistress is a fleeting passion, discuss options with your husband. Under no circumstances should you give a lying man any reason to think that his betrayal will be forgiven in the future. As they say, what you do once can be your last, but what happens twice should be expected next time. A few rules that will help you answer the question: how to cope with a man’s betrayal?

Avoid comparing yourself to a man's hobby. This will hurt, but will not give a real assessment of your appearance, character, etc.
Don't make excuses for a man. Yes, you also took part in the fact that the betrayal occurred, but this step is a conscious choice of the man. After all, you didn’t cheat on your husband because he doesn’t give you gifts?
Be decisive. Let the man know that this is unacceptable. Continue relationships only if they are truly valuable.
Don't take revenge. Some women prefer to numb the pain by deciding to do the same thing - betrayal. This terrible scenario will only bring additional pain and disappointment, and psychologically make it even worse. In addition, another person will suffer, who is completely innocent of betraying your man.
Refuse to solve the problem with alcohol, excessive work, and entertainment. Yes, a bottle will help you forget for a while, work will plunge you headlong into a world of timelessness, and constant entertainment will distract you, but this will not help you survive the betrayal, but will only further deprive you of your strength.

The main thing is to remember: when you forgive, forgive. If you stayed together, forgive sincerely, with all your heart, otherwise you will turn life into hell, where every mistake a man makes will resurrect pictures of what is happening now.

Watch an interesting video where a psychologist gives women advice on how to survive the betrayal of a beloved man:

Male patriarchy

Subconsciously, a man has this belief: “ I can do this with whoever I want, but a girl can’t .” Maybe for girls this will be a shocking answer to the question of why men cheat. But this is how our society works.

That is, in this case, the husband puts his interests above his wife and allows himself to go to the left.

The man thinks that he has some privileges because of the patriarchy in the family.

Also, the reason for the betrayal may be that in childhood the husband’s father also cheated on his wife.

Now an adult repeats the mistakes of his parents.

Guilty of treason2

Who should you be angry with if a man cheats? A common answer will be: “On himself!” In some cases this is true. Men may experience a lack of sexual satisfaction with one partner. Some of them have developed natural animal instincts that are difficult for them to control. It is very easy to recognize such a man. Since he cannot restrain impulses of a sexual nature, then he will also not be able to hide other instinctual impulses. Perhaps he will be prone to insulting other people, excessive consumption of food and alcohol. Such people are characterized by impulsive behavior. Satisfaction of momentary desires is more important to them than movement towards some global goal.

But his wife may also be to blame for his spouse’s infidelity. It is not uncommon for women to stop caring for themselves after marriage, becoming sexually unattractive to their husbands. In this case, they are looking for a way to satisfy their needs with a more “suitable” partner. Pregnancy can also reduce a man's desire to have sexual intercourse with his wife.

It is better not to look for those to blame and not to jeopardize the relationship. Any problem can be resolved through joint discussion. Or a visit to a family psychologist. Often, betrayals are simple weaknesses, mistakes, and punishing a person for this by breaking off a relationship is wrong.

Selfish motives

The desire to prove to myself and friends “what a cool lover I am”

The reasons for a husband’s infidelity may be the following selfish motives:

Stretch your ego, feel superior . Read more about ego and selfishness in detail on the next page at the link.
Satisfy your libido.
From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when the man learned that attention could always be had, all he had to do was do something, the man ventures into the unknown.
Because of the desire to assert himself in front of his friends , to gain their approval, so that they would tell him: “Wow! Probably fried?! Wow, man!
He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of possessing other women. After all, this had never been possible for him before.
My husband's friends are bachelors and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to show off something and went to the left. That is, the reason is to brag to friends.

What if you don’t want to leave?

Having a strong desire to save the family will require the wife to draw up and implement a wise and comprehensive plan of action:

Think over a way to punish your husband. Without this clause, he will think that he can easily get away with further similar actions. For example, distance yourself from him for several months, talk as calmly as possible about your feelings that arose after the betrayal, scare him with publicity and divorce. Place in his head the idea that you forgive only once.
Limit the amount of your husband’s free time, for example, to repairs or help with household issues. Play it up so that he feels important and valuable in solving problems, as if you are not able to cope with them without him.
Get yourself together, give up the desire to take revenge, open a bottle of alcohol and get drunk, throw yourself into gatherings with friends, hobbies, work. The test can be passed if you do not run away from it.
Maintain a calm and pleasant atmosphere at home. Have time to prepare delicious dishes for his arrival and look good.
Never joke about male infidelity with a reference to your husband. If you forgive, then 100%.
Analyze the reasons for your husband’s infidelity as detached as possible. The more correctly you understand them and build behavioral tactics, the greater the chances of saving the family.

The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself

Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.

The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:

Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
A woman is no longer attractive.

If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.

Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.

We describe in more detail how a woman can become more confident in herself in the next publication.

What men lack is the main secret!

Now let’s talk about this “everything is there” in a relationship and what men are missing. Why do they start cheating? The point here is energy, energy exchange between a man and a woman. Yes, the box opens easily. It's all about energies and you need to sort out the issue of betrayal on the subtle plane and see exactly how and what happens there.

In the union between “M” and “F”, it is the woman who is a kind of energy accumulator-distributor. A woman feeds a man with energy, she creates him, creates. Everyone knows that a man is the head, and a woman is the neck. Those. It is the woman who largely determines what kind of relationship there will be, whether there will be a family, a home and harmony in that same family.

A man is a consumer, so to speak. From the point of view of energy, he consumes and thus, as it were, fuels his actions. If a woman feeds him with full energy, he “fills up and goes.” A man then creates, creates, earns, develops, everything goes well for him and he can do everything. Of course, in exchange, because this is an energy exchange, she is to him, and he is to her, he gifts the woman with abundance.

A woman, being in harmony with herself and with life, is thus thoroughly “grounded” and full of good energy. As part of my training course, I help women become exactly like this: harmonious, fulfilled, able to give men what they need and create their lives in abundance. I teach special practices, they are simple and at the same time quite effective. You can try it right now.

Today, a lot of results have already accumulated, read the stories of ordinary people and find out what and how they did so that their lives were transformed and changed for the better. By creating the necessary energy, a woman, in turn, nourishes all the space around her. It fills him and, of course, the man who is in the forefront of space.

A man, of course, is also an energy being, but he receives his main flows from the cosmos. There is a continuous energy exchange between a man and a woman, and love enhances these processes, becoming a kind of catalyst. And then the harmony between two loving souls is embodied in the creation of a harmonious environment for life with all other accompanying comfortable situations.

By alcoholic accident

There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”

And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.

After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.

Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.

He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.

Cheating occurs unconsciously.

This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.

Do all men cheat?

Certainly not. I'll even tell you more. A huge number of men do not consider adultery as something applicable to themselves. Cheating is absolutely not about them and not for them.

Yes, there is a certain percentage of men for whom cheating is something taken for granted. Such a man often does not hide this position in life. Therefore, if desired, such a “view” is very easy to see even before planning a serious relationship with him. Stop! Once again, relationship planning.

Video from the guru

The following video examines the dilemma of why a husband cheats and does not leave the family and his wife. In his opinion, this is due to a lack of love. Learn about all the pitfalls in this video.

What is a relationship between a guy and a girl without quarrels in complete mutual understanding and trust, how to solve grinding - in a new article.
What kind of women do Scorpio men like - complete and detailed revelations from Scorpios.
Video lessons on how to properly tongue kiss a girl and a guy - step-by-step and cool instructions.

Two types of cheaters who won't leave

It cannot be said so categorically that cheating men are divided into only two types. But if we consider only the options where husbands do not want to leave the family, but still have an affair on the side, they can be figuratively divided into two camps.

Some can be identified at the courtship stage, but the latter are a ticking time bomb. You never know what to expect from him and whether there will even be an explosion. Some representatives of the second type may never decide to cheat in their entire lives. Although they will think about it.

Womanizer

Some representatives of the stronger sex simply cannot live without female company. Such a heartthrob cannot live content with only one lady - his wife.

A womanizer cannot limit himself to just one woman.

This type of man cannot be re-educated, but they can be identified even before the wedding. Womanizers will not miss a single opportunity to attract the attention of other women:

shower other ladies with compliments;
they joke all the time;
they try to appear as interesting interlocutors in the eyes of women;
Often they even open their hands (patting the shoulder or pinching soft spots).

At the same time, the minds of womanizers are so clouded that sometimes they are not embarrassed even by the presence of their wife nearby at the moments of seducing other women.

Why doesn't he leave?

Lovelaces almost never leave their spouses, because... Having a wife for this man is the most profitable solution.

Such people marry not out of great love, but for the sake of convenience. Such a man is completely satisfied that his wife is sitting at home, who will cook food, wash things, and put things in order. Casanova himself at this time has a pleasant time with his mistress, but does not leave home because of his selfishness.

Tired of everyday life

Here the situation is different - for many years of marriage, a man has never even looked at another woman, but at some point he breaks down. They say about such people - “a devil in the rib.” What has changed and what is wrong with his marital relationship?

Husbands run away from everyday life and problems into the arms of their mistresses.

There are two versions of such men:

Household chores and problems are of little concern to such husbands; they are used to having fun, living easily and carefree.
an exemplary family man and father who was simply tired of constant responsibility and wanted to live at least a little for himself.

That's why these husbands run away from their usual lives, finding a mistress and cheating on their significant other.

Why doesn't he leave?

“Tired” people are not going to leave the family, because they often love and value their spouse. An affair appears for a change, to bring a little emotion into the routine. A small outlet where you can relax and have fun, without everyday life and swearing.

If his mistress does not claim to be his wife, he will not have to choose - after all, everyone seems to be happy. Such romances can last for years until the wife finds out the truth.

But if the homewrecker does not want to share her man with his legal wife, she will begin to put pressure on the poor fellow, forcing him to file for divorce. A strong man will immediately dot all the i's and make it clear: he loves his wife and is not going to leave her. He'd rather end their romance.

Having understood which category your spouse belongs to, you can at least roughly outline a picture of further actions.

Why doesn’t the husband say anything and stay in the family?

Let’s close once and for all the question of why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave them. The most common reasons are the following:

He doesn't need all this fuss about dividing property.
He doesn't want to pay child support all his life if he has a child.
He doesn't want to go to court and fill out all this paperwork.
He doesn’t want to disrupt the family idyll.
The husband wants the child to grow up with his father.
He doesn't need quarrels and scandals.
He has a family home where there is security, harmony, food and sleep. Why break it?
It’s so good and cool for him when he can sleep with two girls.
He is satisfied with the current state of affairs.

Psychologist's advice

When the situation is very painful, if the husband cheats but does not leave, you need to listen to the advice of a psychologist. He will definitely say that everything depends on the woman’s desire to save the family and ability to forgive. Basically, psychologists advise the following:

Calm down, take a break, live separately, decide on further actions. If you come to a firm decision to get a divorce, insist on a divorce.
Improve yourself - become stronger, better, more beautiful, sexier, more caring. Show in practice that you can be better than the one he traded for.
Take care of yourself. Go to a cosmetologist, to a beauty salon, buy new things. Visit a massage room, do yoga, swim, increase your self-esteem. Read Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages" for many tips.

Breakup is one of the ways to solve the problem.
No psychologist will give universal advice. When a wife decides to leave her husband, she needs to tell him about it and look at his reaction. If there is remorse in his eyes, then give the relationship a second chance. Not the third one. Be sure to warn your spouse about this.

But to prevent betrayal from happening, it is important to realize that a woman can be both a mistress and a wife at the same time. Playing several roles - and no betrayal will happen again. You will have to build the correct model of behavior for your mistress and delight your husband.

What to do with recognition?

But it may also happen that the husband admitted to cheating. What to do now with your exact knowledge? Without having any secrets in this matter, some kind of decision will have to be made. How to do this if you love your husband and would like to preserve the relationship by any means? At the same time, you will have to swallow your resentment and, perhaps, give the go-ahead to his further affairs if he understands how dear you are. It should be borne in mind that even if you try to forget about this incident and continue to live amicably and happily, from time to time you will remember this situation when your husband is late at work or asks to go fishing with friends. This worm of doubt will always generate distrust in his words and promises. Is knowing about cheating worth it? Maybe it’s better to leave everything at the stage of doubt? It’s easier to experience it psychologically: either it happened or it didn’t.

I found out that my husband has been unfaithful all my life - what should I do?

The horror is that it seems like your whole life has been a game. Like in the film “The Truman Show” - the whole world is a fake, people are actors. Everyone knows how things really are, but you are the only one who had no idea about anything. It's terribly offensive and embarrassing. I'm ashamed of myself. That she allowed herself to be fooled like that, she was so naive! I allowed myself to wear these “rose-colored glasses.” Why did you believe that, why? Why shouldn't I have believed it?

Why did she have to become paranoid? Check the phone, conduct interrogations. For what? To make a concentration camp out of family life? If the husband decided to cheat, he would still cheat. The problem is not that you didn't look after your husband well. I apologize for the tautology, but the problem is that the husband does not see any particular problem in cheating. For him this is not a tragedy.

Surely every woman has been at least once in a situation where her husband wants intimacy. But you, wife, don’t want to, you’re not ready, you can’t. I have to refuse. That happens. The wife does not see this as a particular tragedy. If it didn’t work out today, it will work out tomorrow. It's a shame, a shame... oh well! Some men approach the topic of betrayal in a similar way. “It’s a shame, a shame... but this means to my wife that I want to leave the family and ruin our life. It just happened that way. Yes, several times."

But for the wife it’s just hell! Not only do you have to get over the fact of betrayal that has already happened. We need to find some kind of support in the future. Somehow start to believe your husband who says that “everything will be fine.” Maybe he will. But how do you know that his “good” coincides with her “good”? It happens that the husband cheated, realized his guilt, realized how much pain he caused his wife, and forever swore off looking at other women as an object of desire. Yes, in these cases everyone lives on peacefully and happily. They go through crises in relationships together, figure things out, talk.

But if over and over again, instead of solving family problems, the husband went “to the left,” the situation cannot be corrected so easily. We must work with the past, present and future at the same time. With both spouses. Your husband sincerely believes that it is your difficulty to survive his betrayal. Therefore, one of the tasks is to show him that everything is just the opposite. Your feeling that the situation is over is his concern.