How to become attractive to men. What do men want

Communication and interpersonal relationship specialist Steve Nakamoto knows what women want and can answer many other questions that concern them. He tells how to become attractive to men.

An honest male perspective: variety is the spice of life and love. The more aspects you have that attract men, the more interested they are in you. Be sure to show different sides of your personality to the men you date. This way you can avoid a serious problem - boredom.

I used to love carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. That adoration faded, however, when a popular grocery store near my home, Trader Joe's, started selling carrot cakes for just $2.49 apiece. For six months I bought several pies every day. Naturally, over time I grew tired of them.

Sometimes we find that the hunger we once felt—whether physical or emotional—has been satisfied, and new ingredients must be added to maintain our appetite. No matter how strong the initial desire is, after a while we become bored with what we longed for.

When a man's interest wanes

Women often ask me the question, what do men really want? It often seems to them that men only think about one thing (that is, sex). However, I have often heard complaints that over time men lose interest in physical intimacy.

For example, I recently received this letter:

“I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for four months. At first, our romance developed rapidly. We spent the first two months together every night. Then they slowed down the pace somewhat and began meeting four to five times a week. Everything was great, but out of the blue he decided that we should stop having sex until he knew what he wanted. We still see each other four or five times a week, talk a lot, but we don't have sex at all! He says that he feels affection for me, calls me all the time, invites me to spend time together - even to the point of traveling together. But he doesn’t want intimacy at all. According to him, he is not sure that he is ready for a serious relationship. I don’t raise this topic at all. But the most important question that haunts me is: what happened to the guy who felt such a strong attraction? This whole situation confuses me. Tell me, what does this mean and what should I do?”

There are certainly many men these days who first pursue women very persistently and then quickly cool off after getting what they craved—sex or attention. At first glance, it seems that men are entirely to blame for this development of events. But even the best of them, despite their desire to love, can go from persistent pursuit to gradual withdrawal.

So what is the root of the problem? What do men really want? And how do wise women manage to keep a man satisfied and at the same time hungry for more?

Chat with your friends

It is extremely important to communicate with other girls to reveal your feminine energies. That is why a woman should not be prohibited from communicating with her friends and sisters. You've probably noticed yourself how sometimes we really want female communication, and how good we feel after it? This is because at first we experienced a lack of feminine energy, and then we made up for it.

It's not enough to just be sexy

One of my good friends, still recovering from a painful divorce, started an affair with a professional stripper.
Yes, she was really sexy. For months, old Tony had been in awe of such a passionate woman. I often met him in popular nightclubs, where he would watch Cindy perform and then enjoy her attention. But after some time, I found out that my friend was again looking for a girl, but for a serious relationship.

Tony admitted to me that his affair with the dancer was “the best and the worst at the same time.” Apparently Cindy's unhealthy lifestyle of sleepless nights, drugs, alcohol and strange encounters was starting to drive my poor friend crazy. In this relationship, passion, jealousy, excitement, fear and chaos were strangely mixed.

Tony liked the positives, but found it increasingly difficult to cope with the growing negatives of the relationship. The main reason for the breakup was that he could never bring Cindy to his parents' house and "meet Mommy." This means that he did not take this connection seriously.

I am sure that for a stripper, parting with my friend was by no means painless. After all, she was as sexy and attractive as a woman could be. But this relationship satisfied only one emotional need of my friend - excitement - and did not meet all the others.

They say that too good is also not good. If a partner is attracted to only one side, and besides, he is not able to offer anything more, over time such communication may become boring. The main secret of happy love is that the relationship combines stability and variety at the same time.

A little about the concept of attractiveness

From time immemorial, women have strived to look beautiful and attractive to the opposite sex. To achieve this, different cultures performed all sorts of rituals. For example, they wore hoops to lengthen the neck or put on tight corsets to make the waist appear thinner. At different times there were different ideas about beauty, and every modern man has his own concept of a beautiful woman.

But the methods of achieving attractiveness have not changed much. If you want to become attractive, you must understand that it is not enough to be beautiful on the outside, you need to have a rich inner world, natural magnetism and simply be feminine.

Attractiveness is a combination of qualities such as:

self-confidence;
love for one's own “I”;
kindness to others;
sexuality;
humanity, etc.

Discover the beauty within you

I bring to your attention some tips on how to become sexier in the eyes of men. Don't forget that sexuality is not just external attractiveness, but rather internal confidence and the ability to present yourself from the best side. Look through this list and determine what you can add to your look. Remember that the “sexual ingredients” that awaken initial desire in men are also necessary to revive their fading interest.

Sexuality has nothing to do with sex

Actually it does, but sex is only a small part of sexuality. Firstly, sexuality is not about a way to attract a man, but about an internal state in general.

Human sexuality is based on libido. What it is?

It follows from this that a sexual person, first of all, enjoys himself and his life. Even if there is no sex in it.

Secondly, your sexuality is felt not only by men, but by everyone around you.

Thirdly, sexuality is a way of life, it is something that you feel every minute, and not just at certain moments.

Thus, you will become sexy if you love yourself, enjoy yourself and enjoy life. How to achieve this?

Men have many emotional needs

I'm sure many men measure their love for a woman by passion and desire. Initially, they are looking for her attention, sympathy, company and, possibly, intimacy. But the danger is that, having satisfied his initial passion, a man may lose interest in a woman. It is at this stage that he begins to doubt his love and look for other partners who can awaken his desires.

It's even harder for women to understand that men's needs change over time. While looking for passion at first, a man may later become tired of this storm of emotions. Men who wanted stability in relationships and received it begin to complain of boredom. In addition, sometimes men, feeling love and a desire to become even closer, are afraid of the responsibility that long-term relationships imply.

So what should a wise woman do with a man’s ever-changing desires and a passion that fades away so quickly?

How to develop female abilities, advice from a psychologist

Love yourself. Your body and soul. A woman attracts the energy that fills her. Therefore, if you love yourself, others will love you too.
Practice singing. Since ancient times, there has been an opinion that singing helps to acquire inner harmony.
Sign up for a dance class. Dancing is the best way to develop female sexuality. A man will certainly appreciate the dance that you perform just for him.
Master yoga, it will teach you to control your body. Also, thanks to yoga, you will become calmer and get rid of negative thoughts.
Come up with something you like, thanks to it you will find harmony.

Become irresistible

There are three options to solve this problem. The first is to send away “dense” men and not mess with them. The second is to communicate only with men who are emotionally mature and picky, who are not afraid of obligations. And finally, discover new facets of your personality. This way, a wise woman will be able to present herself favorably in any circumstances.

For example, it can offer stability without being boring. It can excite without throwing everything around into chaos. You can respect her for her achievements, admire her self-control, love her for her kindness and warmth. In the end, it all comes down to developing your best personal qualities.

Knowing the five facets of female nature will help you in personal improvement, as well as in attracting male attention and maintaining love:

"Sexy thing"

Sexuality makes a woman desirable to men. It matters how a woman looks, moves, acts. As for appearance, it is largely determined by pop culture trends. In addition, a wise woman should keep herself in good physical shape and lead a healthy lifestyle. A sexy woman is confident, playful, sensual and mysterious. Her clothes are elegant and highlight only her assets. Her movements and gestures are smooth, her poses and facial expressions are attractive. Keep in mind that men pay attention to sexy women first. If you want a man to lose his head over you from the first minutes, focus on the sexual side of your personality. Of course, sexuality alone is not enough for love. But sexual fluids make you stand out from the general mass of women. Don't miss the opportunity to showcase your sexuality to potential suitors.

"Cutie"

This side of feminine nature brings warmth, kindness, sensitivity and calmness to relationships. Understanding, support and care are necessary components of love. In the short term, the “cutie” sometimes loses to her competitor, the “sexy thing.” “Cutie” often hears from men: “I could never hurt you,” because she is treated more like a sister or close friend than like a lover. But it’s the “cutie” that men adore and love, so don’t underestimate her. While a man's physical attraction naturally wanes, his enjoyment of this facet of a woman's personality remains. A “sexy thing” that doesn’t have a drop of “cute” in it is the first candidate for an unhappy “love-hate” relationship.

"Friend"

What good is it about a couple that has the same interests, the same values, and mutual attraction, but can barely stand each other? While working as a tour guide, I often met couples who seemed to do nothing but get on each other's nerves. It's scary to think how miserable their lives have been all these years. It seems that such partners really cannot get along; they communicate with each other rather with hostility than with the warmth and cordiality of good friends. After all, true friends are usually calm, kind, support each other, empathize, and rejoice together. Those who have difficult relationships constantly make demands on their partner, are harsh in their comments, and are unfair in their judgments. The strong “friendly” side of a woman’s nature allows her to be a good friend and easily establish relationships with her man’s friends and family. She naturally becomes a part of his life. He gladly takes such a woman with him anywhere, to any company. A girl who knows how to be a friend will definitely spend more time with a man and has a better chance of developing their relationship to the level of a true partnership between two loving people.

"Desired Prey"

Men often evaluate a woman based on the attitude of other members of the stronger sex towards her. As strange as it may seem, this behavior is based on “social approval,” a psychological phenomenon named by Dr. Robert Cialdini in his book The Psychology of Influence. The essence of this phenomenon is that we unconsciously feel and do the same as everyone around us. In our case, a woman who is the object of desire of others has a higher “evaluative value.” If no one is interested in a woman, it will make a man wonder if she is okay as a possible love partner. If many people find her attractive, the man understands that he should not miss this “prey.” He knows that if he doesn't act quickly, he might miss his chance to have her. The man is afraid that someone else will get it. The fear of losing “prey” makes men persistently pursue a woman who is popular.

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"Personality"

A woman as an individual is respected for her achievements, talents, knowledge, experience, and strength of character. A sensitive man is in awe of a woman who has strong qualities - responsibility, maturity, reliability, fidelity. This kind of admiration is an integral part of strong relationships - social, professional or romantic. When a woman enters the world of love relationships without presenting an interesting, developed personality, most likely, men will tend to consider her a characterless person and ignore the ability to love hidden in the depths of her soul.

Learn to combine these five aspects of personality, and you will become the irresistible woman that every man will dream of. Only such a versatile woman has the influence, breadth and depth of soul and, if you like, the endurance to be able to satisfy the ever-changing needs of a man for a long time.

What does femininity mean?

The concept of femininity, definition: this is a combination of various qualities that make a woman tender, soft, sensitive. The list includes many qualities that are attributed exclusively to the weaker sex. Femininity is divided into two mandatory components - external and internal.

In the first case, it is taken into account that men “love with their eyes”, so the figure and appearance are important to them, which initially arouses desire. What does it mean to be feminine in appearance:

Beautiful figure. These are not necessarily the generally accepted 90x60x90 model standards. Some men also like curvier figures. However, you can’t let yourself go. Slimness and optimal weight will help you acquire proper nutrition and exercise.

Long hair. It so happened historically that girls with such a “mane” are considered more feminine than those with short haircuts. However, this is not for everybody. Here, the main thing is natural and well-groomed hair, and best of all, without complicated hairstyles.

The girl may have an ideal figure, but she has a neglected appearance. And neatness and grooming are another of the standards of femininity. The skin should be clean, the manicure should be neat, the smell should be pleasant.

Clothes play an important role. For a man, femininity is a girl in a dress or skirt. Many people prefer ladies in high heels and translucent blouses. Materials should be pleasant to the touch, light and airy.

Men do not understand women's cosmetics, but they like it when a lady skillfully touches up her makeup. At the same time, a strong “coloring” is perceived as militant and vulgar. Femininity makeup should contain only delicate and soft shades, and bright ones should be skillfully combined with the rest of the cosmetics and not catch the eye.

Femininity through the eyes of men is also a mandatory internal fulfillment. It’s different for everyone, but general principles can be outlined:

Ability to listen and talk. This includes general erudition, speech skills, education, and the ability to keep secrets.
Calm and relaxed. Femininity does not tolerate rudeness, irritability and nervousness. A woman’s hysteria does not attract, but repels. The lady should be soft, mysterious, like a cat, which may well sometimes release its claws.
Be weak. Most men do not like the commanding tone, constant lectures and waving fists. The stronger sex is called that because it is inherent in it by nature to protect a woman, hide her behind her back, try to protect her from problems. You need to be able to trust a man.
Emotionality is an integral part of femininity. You shouldn’t take the path of feminism and become an “Amazon”. Femininity presupposes naturalness, the manifestation of emotions (but within reasonable limits).

One of the most important qualities of a woman is the ability to motherhood. This is a natural destiny and ladies who reject it cannot be called feminine.

Assess your strengths and weaknesses right now

Take a couple of minutes and rate (“5” - excellent, “4” - above average, “3” - average, “2” - below average, “1” - very weak) how pronounced each of the five facets of your feminine nature is. Analyze your results and determine what your strengths and weaknesses are as a romantic partner.

If, for example, your greatest strength is being “cute,” then the next time you meet, show your full kindness and warmth at the very beginning of communication. Notice the effect of being unafraid to immediately show off your strengths.

Now remember which of your friends clearly expresses those aspects of their personality that are not sufficiently developed in you. Try to communicate more with these people, notice their behavior. This way you will soon form the missing facets of your character.

The main thing is to identify and evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Then make a firm decision to strive for excellence through acquiring new knowledge and applying it in practice. And over time, you will be able to give yourself at least a solid “B” on all five points. You will increase your self-esteem and learn how to arouse long-term interest in men in you.

Keep in mind that some men may find one or more aspects of your personality more attractive than others. As your relationship develops, make sure these facets come into sharp focus. But don’t forget to reveal all the rest for mutual satisfaction and development.

How to become a gentle and elegant woman

A woman's elegance manifests itself in many ways. Elegance is part of etiquette. Be careful in everything you do. Pay attention to how you eat. How well do you know the rules of etiquette? At any moment you can find yourself in a society where it is needed. It’s one thing when you know the rules of etiquette, but you prefer to ignore them, and it’s completely different when you simply don’t know them.

If you want to look elegant, pay attention not only to clothes, but also to shoes. Choose the most feminine models in which you will feel comfortable. Allow yourself occasional shoes with heels, but if they are uncomfortable for you, wear elegant low-heeled models.

Do you think that you lack tenderness in your character? It can be developed. How to do it? At the very least, start watching romantic films and reading books about love. Read articles on relationships more often, read stories with a romantic twist.

Let's talk about mistakes

Excessive efforts, obsession and loss of individuality are the main mistakes in the pursuit of attractiveness. It is also important to avoid:

Manipulation. Attempts to please reveal an insecure personality, which is often used by manipulators and tyrants. As soon as psychological discomfort arises, communication should be stopped. It is almost impossible to convince or change toxic people, which is why it is dangerous to marry them.
Excessive gullibility. This quality touches interlocutors, but rarely inspires respect. Openness and naivety attract toxic personalities and deceivers.
Use of harmful beauty practices. Hunger strikes, figure-shaping drugs and other painful and dangerous procedures are an unjustified sacrifice. Women who restore their beauty after pregnancy especially often risk their health.
Illusions. Inflated expectations and invented love can hurt and worsen self-esteem.

When trying to attract guys, it is important to appreciate your uniqueness and not overstep your own feelings. You can create personal 10 commandments for success, the goal of which is to achieve comfort, improve your health, become sociable and self-sufficient. Such profound changes will attract both lover and friends.