How to learn to kiss for the first time? Advice from practitioners.

Some psychological deviations may, at first glance, seem somewhat strange. But their development and the reasons for their development may turn out to be far from strange and quite logical. One of these violations is the fear of the first kiss. In order not to jeopardize your personal life, you need to understand the reasons for the problem and solve it.

Fear of kisses - philemaphobia

What are the reasons for fear?

Those people who are afraid of touching their lips are not crazy or maniacs. The fear of kissing, known scientifically as philemaphobia, develops for clear reasons. Most often these are certain life situations that happened in their lives.

Today there are the following reasons why this phobia develops:

1. Visual shock. More often it occurs after watching movies in which the kissing scenes looked quite creepy.
2. Having a negative experience. Individuals who have had trouble with kissing are unlikely to want to repeat this action, knowing how it will end.
3. Excessive disgust. People with this trait come as no surprise, because by default they do not want much contact with other people.
4. Fear of violation of personal space. They value their personal space much more than others, and approaching their lips can cause severe panic or even stupor.
5. Bite. The reason for this fear comes from childhood. Young children may exhibit strange reactions towards each other. And sometimes the consequences of a bite develop from a simple mark on the skin into a phobia.
6. Fear of falling in love. There is a category of people for whom kissing means falling in love. The fear of establishing a strong emotional connection with a person gives rise to a reluctance to kiss, which turns into fear.
7. Lack of intimate experience. Some may be terrified of kissing a guy simply because they have no experience. This reason is quite funny, but quite real.
8. Presence of braces. In this case, an inferiority complex manifests itself. Anyone who does not want to appear inferior or defective in the eyes of another may refrain from kissing to his own detriment.
9. The person has become a victim of violence. A tragic encounter with maniacs or dissolute individuals can easily discourage you from having any contact with society and will force you to avoid kissing.

To summarize briefly, there is only one innate reason due to which the fear of kisses develops - disgust.

Disgust is an innate reason for the fear of kissing

All other influencing factors are completely acquired by a person during his life.

Basic fears of kissing and ways to overcome them

Often young people worry that their kiss may be unpleasant for their partner due to saliva, because the main goal is to show their feelings, and not to “wash” their loved one. To avoid this situation, immediately before the kiss you need to swallow the saliva that has accumulated in the mouth and not delay the process too much.

Another common fear is uncertainty about the duration of the kiss. What should it be like? In the Guinness Book of Records you can see that the longest kiss in the world lasted for several days. But your goal is not to break the record, and therefore the most optimal duration of a kiss is about one minute. There is no need to try to hold your breath while kissing. You need to breathe through your nose.

This leads to another complex before the kiss. Young people do not understand what to do with their nose, whether it will get in the way, where to look and whether it is necessary to look at their partner at all during a kiss, where to hold their hands, how to tilt their head... Such moments go away by themselves when a person stops focusing on them. The body itself will tell you how to act correctly, the main thing is to let go of your thoughts and dissolve in your sensations. You yourself will understand how to act so that both you and your lover feel comfortable.

One of the most important complexes and fears before a kiss is the fear of one’s inexperience. But even such a disadvantage can be turned into an advantage. There is no need to directly state that you do not know how and are afraid of it. You can turn the situation around so that it becomes pleasant for your lover. For example, you can say that you have never met a person whom you would like to kiss and open your feelings, but now such a person has appeared and you are glad that the kiss will happen to him and not to someone else.

Sometimes fears and complexes before a kiss are associated with a situation such as the presence of braces in one of the couple or both at once. This situation is by no means a contraindication for kissing. To begin with, you need to understand that wearing braces is not a deformity or a physiological defect, but a necessity. Moreover, you will not need to wear braces for the rest of your life. Every normal person understands this and will not react with disgust to a plate for correcting a bite. An important point before any kiss, and especially if you wear braces, is oral hygiene. This is necessary in order not to bring unnecessary discomfort to either yourself or your partner.

You also need to remember that braces can damage and scratch your lover, so the kiss should not be aggressive or overly passionate. It is better for it to be as gentle, careful and soft as possible. Gradually, you will get used to kissing with braces, you will understand how to do it in such a way as to avoid inconvenience, and they will not interfere with you in the future. As you can see, the complex due to wearing an adjustment plate is caused by the fear that your partner will not accept or understand you. But this fear will fade into the background if there is complete mutual understanding and mutual support between you. There is no need to be afraid of this.

How does a phobia manifest itself?

The most striking sign by which one can recognize a person who is afraid of close contacts is avoidance or all possible avoidance of kisses. But there are a number of other signs that indicate the presence of this phobia, which can put an end to your personal life.

To date, psychologists have identified the following signs of philemaphobia:

• Panic attacks. An attempt to kiss a philemaphobe can result in anything from trembling hands to an unexpected slap in the face. You should be prepared for this.
• Predisposition to a solitary lifestyle. People with this problem can effortlessly be in intimate relationships with other people, but at the same time they will not allow all sorts of “calf tenderness”.
• Uncontrolled actions. In some situations, feelings take precedence over reason. And some attempts to kiss a philemaphobe can turn into something worse than just a slap in the face.
• Irrational fear. For an adequate person, the fear of a simple kiss cannot be rational by definition.
• Rejection of films with romantic content. People with this phobia simply cannot stand scenes that show romantic moments between two people, but despite this, they can safely watch horror or thriller films.
• Limit your circle of friends. In severe cases of philemaphobia, a person tries to avoid communication with the opposite sex as much as possible.

Manifestations of philemaphobia - panic

In most cases, the behavioral line of an individual who is afraid of kisses develops in exactly this way, and manifestations of the phobia become easily detectable.

Seize the moment

If you plan everything correctly, the environment will do half the work and help him see you in a rather sexy light. Please take into account the following circumstances:

• Don't be afraid of silence. Listen to the silence instead of chattering incessantly. It's also music. If you don’t know how to kiss a guy, remember that he won’t be able to do it for you unless you stop talking.
• Try to be alone with him so that there are no prejudices or barriers left regarding what people will think of you.

Which people are more at risk

Like any other phobia, the fear of such a manifestation of feelings as a kiss has been studied by many specialists. As a result of these studies, certain groups of people were identified whose risk of acquiring philemaphobia is higher than that of other individuals.

Today, experts identify five risk groups, namely:

1. Representatives of the skin vector. Such people are quite difficult in their personal lives, since they see infections, viruses and other threats to health and life from everywhere.
2. Representatives of the anal vector. Categorical judgments are the main characteristic of people from this group. Its brightest representatives are men who do not want to interact on equal terms with women who had sexual experience before marriage.
3. People belonging to the sense of smell vector. For such people, the main repulsive factor is the unpleasant smell emanating from their partner.
4. Representatives of the tactile vector. For these individuals, their skin is the main shrine that must be inviolable.
5. Faces assigned to the visual vector. Here the main role is played by the incorrect model of human upbringing. Children who have seen the relationship of an unloving couple for a long time or a couple in which there is at least one philemaphobe, then project the same attitude towards people in the future.

Fear of kissing may have roots in childhood

Representatives of each of this group are quite easy to recognize by their behavioral line and habits. And, having noticed this, you should prepare yourself well for a relationship with such a person, because sometimes it can be completely sad and unromantic.

WHAT WILL WE SPEAK ABOUT?

Guessing what a young lady thinks about you, and even more so, what she feels, is a task that is obviously doomed to failure. Women usually cannot give a definite answer to such a question themselves, so we will not go into this jungle.

It’s better to use this time profitably and work on how to kiss a girl on the lips for the first time and leave an unforgettable impression.

How it works? You have two options:

1. Let everything take its course and hope that her feelings for you are very strong. If this is so, then whatever the first kiss is, it will be normal. But, again, this is a risky step that does not work in all cases.
2. Take some time to learn how to kiss a girl on the lips for the first time. Below are tips based on years of experience. They can be applied to any woman, regardless of age and character.

Even if you are inclined to the first option, this knowledge may be useful to you in the future.

Our main goal during the first kiss is to achieve bright, positive emotions in the girl and the desire to continue. As soon as she understands that she feels good with you, you can proceed to the next stages of your relationship.

There will be other articles about this period, but now we will dwell in more detail on the topic “How to kiss a girl for the first time on the lips.”

It is quite possible to influence her impression of you during a kiss. This may seem a little boring to you, but the main thing is that it works.

There is no point in talking about deep feelings for a new girl . After all, we are not trying to please those young ladies to whom we have no romantic or sexual attraction.

If you are asking questions about how to kiss a girl for the first time, then this automatically proves that her opinion is important to you and you want to please her.

This is a completely normal reaction, because not all men are insensitive sex machines.

First of all, we develop a strategy. These tips are not step-by-step. You just need to familiarize yourself with them and create your own individual action plan.

Perhaps some things will not be useful to you, but some will be vital.

So, from philosophy to action.

How to deal with the problem

People who don't want to compromise their personal happiness understand that they need to overcome their fear of kissing. This can be done easily using only your own strength, but often you cannot do without the help of a specialist in the field of psychotherapy.

The easiest way for a person to overcome fear is in anticipation of the first kiss. No treatment or therapy is required to take this first step.

It is much more difficult to cope with such fear in reproductive and adulthood.

Resentment towards a man is the cause of philemaphobia

Atmosphere for a kiss

For the first kiss, it is important to choose the right place, it should be romantic. A couple in love should not be distracted from the process. This is actually why you need to create a special atmosphere, so let’s take a closer look at the best places for this:

1. Apartment, it can be any of the partners.
   It is important that no one is in it during the meeting, then no one will disturb the loving couple at the most crucial moment. If this is not possible, then it is better to go to a hotel. Especially if the partners are ready for a kiss with a continuation.
2. City Park.
   This place is the most popular, and it is here that, as a rule, first kisses happen. It is best to go on an evening date when there are not many people on the alleys and benches. Many people choose a place for a kiss under a lamp, near a monument or fountain.
3. A boat trip.
   This option is very romantic, but it is only suitable for the warm season. In the fall, when lovers freeze in the cold air, they will no longer have time to kiss. And you can hardly find a secluded corner there, and kissing in front of everyone is not entirely decent. And yet there are still plenty of people willing.
4. Bridge.
   This is another popular kissing object. You can go to any body of water or lake, naturally, if you have an established relationship with your partner. Going with a guy you barely know to an unfamiliar place is not safe.

In principle, you can choose any place, it could be a cafe, a cinema, or just a street. The main thing is that at this moment the desire to kiss really arises.

What you can do yourself

If philemaphobia (fear of kisses) has not developed very much, then you can cope with it on your own. To do this, a person should take a few simple steps that will help cope with this rather ticklish scourge.

The following steps can help you get rid of philemaphobia:

• Self-hypnosis, or auto-training.
• Be careful when kissing (especially when wearing braces).
• Frank conversation with your partner.
• Zero goal method.
• Quitting the use of alcoholic beverages and tobacco products.
• Visiting the dentist and gastroenterologist.

Following these steps will help mitigate the problem. And, most importantly, you need to find a person whose support will give you more strength to fight your inner fear.

Fighting Fears

Do men like to kiss?

In fact, men, just like the fair sex, love to kiss. But they only like to do this with someone they really like. The first kiss for guys is a way to get to know their chosen one and taste her.

It is after this that the stronger sex has a desire to continue communication or, conversely, to stop it forever.

Most of all, guys are excited by contrasting kisses when a girl alternates techniques. At first he acts passionately with deep penetration of the tongue, and then moves on to slow, superficial and gentle touches of the lips. Light touches can give lovers incredible sensations.

You can kiss not only lips, but also other parts of the body. For example, most males like it when a girl explores the insides of her palms, earlobes and neck with her lips. There is no doubt that after such caresses, the woman will spend a very passionate night with her lover.

Kissing techniques

In fact, kisses are different, each type has its own technique and features. It is worth considering each in more detail:

1. Inato.
   One of the most tender and romantic kisses, smooth and light. Lips barely touch each other. The main thing in this technique is that you should not touch your lover’s teeth, but put all your effort into studying the lips. It is necessary to pay attention to every millimeter.
2. A gentle kiss
   is suitable for young lovers. This is where you need to start, these first light contacts of lips, timid attempts to make movements with the tongue give it a special romanticism.
3. A playful kiss
   involves gently biting the lips of the other half. This is done to fuel passion and desire. First, bite the lower lip, then the upper. You can add a language during the process.
4. A passionate kiss.
   This technique is one of the most passionate. You need to kiss not only the lips, but also other parts of the body, starting from the cheeks and ending with the chest. Such touches kindle desire and awaken passion in both partners, creating a storm of emotions.
5. French
   is the most popular technique. In this kiss, contact between tongues is important; this can be light touching, gentle stroking or biting. It all depends on the character of the couple in love.

These are the basic kissing techniques. Each girl chooses where to start, it is important to take into account not only her preferences, but also the young man.