Self-criticism - how to stop remembering your mistakes?

Self-criticism is a habit of introspection and self-criticism. Self-criticism refers to anger and dissatisfaction directed at oneself. It is characterized by the presence of several forms of manifestation, namely: soft, hard and sad. The soft one includes the habit of reproaching one’s own personality, the hard one - self-accusation and self-flagellation, the sad one - the habit of dramatizing mistakes and sending joyless thoughts of the same content in a circle. The psychology of self-criticism is sometimes similar to a child’s defense mechanism. Children believe that if they scold themselves, they will thereby free their own candidacy from punishment from their close adult environment.

Self-criticism - what is it?

Psychologists understand this term as a negative analysis of one’s actions, behavior, character traits, which is accompanied by emotions of dissatisfaction and disapproval.

Types of self-deprecation depending on the severity of manifestations:

1. Mild degree - a person scolds himself so that those around him feel sorry for him. No mental harm is caused. Demonstrative humiliation eliminates responsibility. Scolding yourself so that others don’t do it is a manifestation of a mild degree of self-flagellation.
2. Severe degree - a person torments himself not for the pity of others, but out of a sense of increased responsibility. This form is more destructive to mental health.
3. Neurotic degree - self-criticism becomes a habit. It becomes so rooted in character that a person does not notice it. Getting rid of the neurotic form is the most difficult. It is difficult for a psychologist to make a client realize the problem.

At its core, the neurotic form of self-flagellation is a disease, a type of neurosis. The victim is haunted by a constant obsessive thought that does not correspond to reality: “I am bad. I'm doing everything wrong. I'll just ruin everything."

The therapist’s task is to find the cause of this inner voice and eliminate it as quickly as possible.

In advanced cases, neurosis develops into depression. Self-criticism is a symptom that distinguishes depression from sad mood. Apathy (indifference to the outside world), suicidal thoughts and attempts that accompany the disease make it extremely dangerous.

Who are you punishing yourself to and how to stop?

In order not to engage in self-criticism, it is important to understand that initially this is not your personal action. It is usually started in childhood by parents whose goal is to raise a “good person.” The child loads the program into his psyche, because he wants to please adults in order to receive warmth and love (if they are in short supply). Subsequently, a habit is formed, the process of self-accusation occurs automatically.

Allow yourself to be imperfect. Drop this idea of ​​being the right person. How to stop blaming yourself if you don't allow yourself to have shortcomings? Accept that you, like any other person, can find yourself in a stupid situation, get scared, lose or make a mistake.

Be responsible for your life to yourself. Responsibility does not mean meticulously counting points when evaluating results. Rather, it is to trust personal values ​​and desires, stand on your feet and breathe deeply.

When developing a personality, the direction is always the same - towards originality and independence.

Self-criticism and self-flagellation

Self-flagellation and self-humiliation are synonyms for the term “self-criticism.” Self-criticism is its complete opposite.

All people are prone to make mistakes. Everyone thinks about them, analyzes them, looks for solutions and ways to avoid mistakes in the future. Learning from your own mistakes is absolutely normal. In psychology this is called positive concentration. The person is focused on improving his life.

For Samoyeds, torment is an established part of their character. They do not look for ways to solve problems and do not learn from mistakes. The way out of the situation is to do nothing at all. For them, this is the only way to avoid mistakes. This way of thinking is called negative concentration. A person is focused on his shortcomings.

Mental disorders accompanying self-criticism:

• fear of doing things;
• decreased mood;
• diffidence;
• anxiety and restlessness;
• desire to punish yourself.

Self-flagellation leads to negative consequences, unlike rational self-criticism. Self-criticism is not a move forward, but a step back!

What are the consequences of self-criticism, why is it dangerous?

Consequences of self-criticism

• Self-criticism blocks good emotions, which forces you to constantly express dissatisfaction with your life, appearance and actions
• Samoyeds do not sleep well, they are always anxious and this steals time
• A person cannot reveal his talents because self-criticism makes him feel helpless
• Rational thinking is turned off. Anyone who constantly engages in self-flagellation becomes fixated on his experiences, and therefore cannot get out of such a situation.

Nobody likes people who always scold themselves. And this is logical, how can others like you if you don’t accept yourself as you are?

A constant feeling of guilt leads to the fact that you can become a “victim of manipulation.” Skilled manipulators actively manage such people

To put it simply, self-criticism becomes the cause of physical, energetic and psychological exhaustion. Changing the situation is possible if you give up the bad habit of delving into yourself.

Where does the habit of self-flagellation come from?

Temperament is a stable characteristic of a person, determined by a set of genes in the body. Character is formed throughout life as a result of upbringing, the influence of society, and the presence of personal interests. Self-humiliation, being a character trait, is mainly formed in childhood. Over time, only the severity of the bad habit changes.

The main reasons for self-criticism:

1. Inadequate upbringing.
2. Imbalance in three components of personality: adult, child and parent, with a predominance of the latter.
3. Fear of responsibility.
4. Low self-esteem.

Inadequate parenting refers to excessive criticism of parents. The child’s psyche is designed in such a way that he needs praise. Children do not understand that they did something right until they hear it from the lips of their authority - mom or dad. Samoyeds grow up from teenagers who were under constant pressure from their parents.

Psychologist E. Berne describes personality as a combination of adult, child and parental components. They have the following functions:

• child – emotions, expressive actions, mood, intuition, impressions;
• adult – adequate self-analysis and self-criticism, reflecting reality;
• parent – ​​strict, indestructible ideas that do not always correspond to reality.

The predominant parental component in the Samoyed suppresses the inner adult. There is no adequate analysis of what is happening. A person hears an inner voice expressing the same ideas of self-oppression.

People who are afraid of responsibility constantly torment themselves. Torment is a way to convince yourself not to do something. Absence of action means absence of responsibility for it.

Low self-esteem leads to self-dissatisfaction. Self-flagellation begins, which further lowers self-esteem. A vicious circle closes. You can open it only after increasing confidence and accepting yourself.

Why does a person engage in self-criticism: reasons

Why do we engage in self-criticism?
Every phenomenon has its own reason. Strong self-criticism can develop due to many factors:

• Low self-esteem . If a person is very dissatisfied with himself, then the process of self-criticism begins. Gradually, this lowers self-esteem and makes remorse very strong. This is a very dangerous circle because it will never break until one of the components disappears.
• Miseducation . If mom and dad constantly criticize themselves, then children can become the same. Typically, this situation occurs when the parents are authorities for the child and he tries to live up to them.

Psychologist Eric Berne identified three personality states:

• An adult - in this case, a person objectively assesses reality and looks at the world adequately
• Childish - this state expresses all our desires and dreams
• Parent - this is where all sorts of self-criticism applies.

Each condition must be equal for each person. For example, in overly self-critical people, the parental position is expressed very clearly, and it may well overlap the adult one. As a result, a person constantly continues to engage in self-criticism and does not perceive reality objectively.

In addition, reasons for self-criticism may include:

• Pessimistic views of the world
• The desire to get rid of responsibility and shift it to someone else
• Just a habit. In this case, the person doesn’t seem to be doing anything on purpose, everything somehow works out on its own

Self-criticism as a way to increase one’s importance in society

Weak people use conspicuous self-destruction to increase their sense of self-worth. A person constantly repeats phrases like “I’m not worthy,” “I’m too weak for this,” “I’m not good for anything.” In these empty words, he seeks the support and support of others. He expects those around him to refute these assumptions.

A sense of self-importance can manifest itself through excessive modesty as a type of demonstrative self-criticism. Even after doing something well and hearing praise addressed to him, a person says: “What are you talking about, I didn’t do anything.” Mentally he thinks: “Praise me again.”

People rarely want to get rid of ostentatious self-flagellation. This is beneficial for them. People around him consider such a person modest, and the manipulator increases his sense of self-worth.

Productive and unproductive self-criticism

At the same time, never mentally screaming at yourself is also harmful! Lack of self-criticism is also destructive. And here you need to know when to stop. Sometimes anger is useful, because nothing brings us to tone more than the emotions inherited from our smaller brothers in the process of evolution. Fear and anger are manifestations of two of the most important instincts for survival. One emotion is responsible for the “fight” response, and the other is responsible for the “flight” response. So, if you get angry, the fear will instantly go away, and vice versa. After all, you decided to “beat” all the difficulties on the way to your goal. And when the habit of fighting with difficulties reaches the point of automatism, then what kind of self-flagellation can we talk about?

A self-critical person is a person who is capable of achieving success. But if this quality is exaggerated, then it is no longer productive.

What a person calls willpower is anger directed in a constructive direction. He shouted at himself and took a few steps towards his goal. But here three conditions must be met for criticism to remain constructive:

1. It must precede the action, and not occur after it . That is, if you are afraid to approach a person to talk about some topic important to you, then you should tell yourself “come on, pull yourself together, you rag,” while you still have the opportunity. And if you criticize yourself after you haven’t done it, it will only lead to empty self-flagellation when it’s too late to change something.
2. Less shouting, more severity . There is no need to scold yourself with the last words. Just mentally say “I decided!” And to do this, you need to learn to manage emotions and improve emotional intelligence. Severity is also aggression, but expressed to a reasonable extent and at the right time. And self-flagellation is a complex of emotions and actions divorced from reality, and this is why it is dangerous.
3. Positive emotions after performing an action should cover the negativity that precedes the action . For example, if you didn’t want to achieve a goal, you were internally angry with yourself, started doing it and then got what you wanted, then joy will be many times greater than anger. And next time it will take less effort to get started. Verified.

Many people are interested in what “self-critical” means. This word is usually said in response to a person’s ostentatious self-flagellation or when he criticizes himself constructively. It all depends on the situation. That is, it is impossible to say whether the interlocutor is overly self-critical or everything is in moderation based on one phrase.

Psychosomatics of self-flagellation

Psychosomatics is a branch of medicine and psychology that studies the influence of mental factors on the functioning of internal organs. Diseases that are caused by mental health disorders are called psychosomatic.

People who constantly engage in soul-searching tend to develop the following diseases:

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

• impotence, decreased libido;
• hypertension - high blood pressure;
• hypotension – low blood pressure;
• dermatosis – pathologies of the skin;
• chronic headaches;
• arthrosis – diseases of the joints;
• bronchial asthma;
• peptic ulcer of the stomach and intestines.

Treatment of psychosomatic diseases will be effective when self-criticism can be stopped!

Be an active person

Don't play ostrich. Do not forget that the best way not to become isolated in your own experiences is to give them a way out in time. Find something you like. For example, you can try your hand at creativity.

It often happens that reflective natures are sensitive people with imagination and the ability to improvise. So why not put these qualities to use? Try to find “your” means of self-expression. It doesn’t matter what you do: cross-stitch or write novels. The main thing is that by doing what you love, seeing the results of your work and receiving positive feedback about it, you will more often feel the joy of life.

And the most important. Remember, you yourself decide what to do: timidly watch the action from behind the scenes, doubt your abilities and never dare to go on stage. Or pluck up courage, spit on prejudices and play the first role in the play. The second, although more difficult, is much more interesting. And there will be no time left for self-criticism.

Tags: self-improvement, self-analysis, self-criticism, useful tips, joy of life, self-criticism, self-flagellation, worries, emotional experience

How to get rid of the habit of self-flagellation

You need to get rid of self-criticism as quickly as possible before it develops into a depressive disorder.

To overcome constant remorse, follow these steps:

1. Accept yourself.
2. Use the “three questions” rule.
3. Write down plans, thoughts about the future.
4. Master the correct motivation for self-criticism.
5. Find a hobby that you enjoy.

You should begin to fight self-criticism by accepting your character with its inherent shortcomings. You are just a human being who makes mistakes, this is not your fault. Only you have the power to turn disadvantages that cause discomfort into advantages.

To understand the rationality of constant experiences, ask three questions in your mind:

1. What have I done? (Describe an event that worries you.)
2. What could I change? (Think about how you could act in this situation.)
3. How can I influence what happens tomorrow? (Find ways to correct the situation, if any).

The main emphasis should be on the last question. Samoyeds never ask this question to themselves, focusing on the first two. If it is not possible to correct the situation, the best way out is to “go with the flow.”

Another method of therapy is a daily ritual of writing down plans for the day. He will gradually eliminate the focus on the past. Cross off completed items at the end of the day. This way your train of thought will become more constructive and future-oriented.

Reasonable motivation for self-criticism is understood as an adequate assessment of what happened and a change in attitude towards the situation. For example, you did an imperfect task that was difficult for you. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Don't regret taking on this business. Focus on the positive: you have overcome yourself, you have gained experience. You can get rid of self-eating only by learning to focus on the positive.

Another method to suppress persistent feelings of regret is to vent your emotions. Creativity is the best way to do this. Find a medium of expression that is perfect for you personally.

Exercise to get rid of self-criticism

Psychologists will help clients get rid of self-remorse and dissatisfaction with themselves using the “Mistake!” exercise. The essence of the method is to learn to evaluate your actions rationally, without internal aggression.

If you make a mistake, follow these steps:

1. Stretch your arms to the sides, palms up, raise your shoulders and, tilting your head to the side, say: “Error!” Make it casual, childlike.
2. With your arms crossed, gently hug yourself and say, “I am good.”
3. Straighten your back, sharply throw your hand forward with your palm and abruptly say: “Work.”

The point of the first stage is to reduce the significance of what is happening. The mistake you made no longer seems like a disaster. You get rid of self-deception and adequately assess the scale of the situation.

By hugging yourself and saying an encouraging phrase (the wording may vary), you shift the flow of thoughts from negative to positive. You stop scolding yourself and feeling “bad.”

The third stage is the most important. It is not enough to be an optimist; you need to learn to solve a problem constructively. With the previous steps you have become positive; it’s time to correct the consequences of the mistake, if possible, or start a new business. Nothing distracts you from painful thoughts like work.

Choose a day to master the exercise that is not the most difficult, when you have time to distract yourself. It’s better to start making a “Mistake!” with gestures. Once you have mastered the principle, you can perform them mentally.

If you cannot regain self-confidence on your own, it would be advisable to contact a specialist. A psychologist will find out the cause of the problem and select an individual therapy program for you.

More emotions!

Remember a period in your life when you were as carefree and romantic as possible. Then you relied on something invisible, you had optimism, faith. Something fascinated you, gave you joy, hope.

Think about it - what is preventing you from receiving such emotions now? Many psychologists are convinced that openness, idealism and naivety are inherent in youth, and in maturity one should be restrained, pragmatic and “rejoice at the bird in one’s hands.”

We are given two hemispheres of the brain with different principles for reflecting reality. With total dominance of the left rational hemisphere, the individual becomes boring and overly reasonable.

Revitalize yourself by awakening your dreams. Release your emotions:

• engage in sports , physical labor, meditation , dancing;
• break some personal taboo, you probably forbade yourself something useful;
• listen to music, read poetry and prose;
• If you are completely stuck in rationality, drink alcohol, get drunk.

It is no coincidence that the noble class of all nations, along with the sciences, necessarily studied some form of art.

The habit of living out of our heads, coupled with suppressed sensitivity, dooms us to endless disputes with ourselves. Become lighter, try to live from the body, from energy. Balance your hemispheres. Remember that a psychologically healthy person (with rare exceptions):

• dreams;
• enjoys music;
• loves people and animals;
• quickly gets rid of bad memories;
• lives in the present;
• simple and kind in communication.

Why do we hurt ourselves by postponing life until later ? How to stop doing this and learn to enjoy the here and now.

How childhood envy forms the habit of self-criticism

Both a person experiencing envy and someone who is envied can become a Samoyed. We are talking about “black” envy. It puts a person in a negative mood. An envious person waits for a more successful person to make a mistake. Most often, this cannot be expressed in person. Anger accumulates inside and turns into self-aggression.

The envious person is already angry with himself for not being successful enough, for not being able to do something as well as the object of envy. The process of autocannibalism, that is, eating oneself, begins. Envy fades into the background, developing into dissatisfaction with oneself.

The object of envy becomes a Samoyed due to fear of the “evil eye.” People are so afraid of being better than others that they do not take any significant actions. The justification is criticism of oneself. They are guided by this principle: it is easier to accuse yourself of incompetence and do nothing than to stand out from the crowd. Others, on the contrary, are afraid of doing something wrong and losing the authority of others.

Exercise “Three Questions”

Ask yourself them one by one, and place the answers one after the other, in columns.

1. What happened? Describe in detail the situation that happened to you.
2. What could be done in such circumstances? Use your imagination, think about what you could do at that moment. Draw a picture of your behavior, down to your gaze, gestures, feelings, etc.
3. What will I do next time? Try to improve the situation in a few sentences.

This exercise will give you the opportunity to look at the incident from the outside, as well as compare the scale of the “disaster” with your inner emotions. It may turn out that you are exaggerating, and the situation is not worth your worries. You will master the skill of looking for the positive in every unpleasant situation.

Human addiction: what is it?

Dependence (addiction) on a person is a psychological state in which a dependent individual experiences pathological attachment to the object of his love. Because of this, a person practically loses his personality and lives with the problems and joys of his partner.

Addictive behavior is caused by the inability to take responsibility for one’s feelings and actions, and the addicted person is not always able to cope with the accompanying negative emotions (sadness, doubts, resentment, anxiety, uncertainty) on his own. It takes great courage, and often the help of a competent psychologist, to find the resources to confront yourself and overcome addiction.

Learn from the professionals

Find helpers in achieving your goals. The ideal way to become more cheerful and confident is to find a professional who can support and coach you. He will help you achieve any goal and accidentally indicate success. It’s one thing to see achievements yourself, and another thing to have someone point them out to you. And if this is also an expert in your field, then self-esteem soars through the roof. What kind of self-flagellation can we talk about when you are praised by a professional whom you trust?

Have you started learning from an expert, but he scolds you? You made a mistake, no big deal. It's just not an expert. Look for someone else. Not everyone can support and teach at the same time. Look for just such a specialist.