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Despite all the mysteriousness of male nature, representatives of the stronger sex have one remarkable feature: they do only what they want. And what they don’t want, they don’t do accordingly. For example, they don’t date women they don’t like. And they really don’t like to discuss anything with these women. But ladies also have an equally remarkable feature: they are able to ignore the most obvious signs of male indifference.
“Well, let him say that he doesn’t love him, he doesn’t appear for weeks, and if he does appear, he’s in a hurry to leave! I already know...” Especially for those who like to come up with excuses, we have translated the most common signals from male language into universal human language, which, in general, boil down to one thing: he just doesn’t love you!
He doesn't call you
Women's excuses: he travels so often, he was very busy, etc.
Men's truth: you will be surprised, but men know how to use the phone. One hundred percent of the surveyed representatives of the stronger sex said: they will always find a minute to call a woman they really like. Being extremely “busy” may seem like a convincing excuse, but in reality, behind this concept there is always a man who was not interested in calling you.
Who are misanthropes
Misanthrope is a synonym for misanthrope in Greek, and comes from two words, respectively: “man” and “hatred.” Misanthropes do not show the usual interest in society, try to avoid the company of other people whenever possible, and can be aggressive in behavior.
If we consider misanthropy as a disease, then its definition will sound like rejection and a feeling of hatred towards all of humanity, moral principles, as well as the rules of behavior established in society. This term quite succinctly expresses the essence of the life position of a person who does not like people.
He doesn't ask you out
Women's excuses: he does not dare to take the first step, he does not want to rush things, he does not want to destroy our friendship and is generally afraid.
A man's truth: the only thing he's afraid of is admitting that he's not attracted to you at all. If a man really likes you, but there are deeply personal reasons why he doesn't want to rush things, he'll tell you immediately. And yes, the date you invited him to doesn’t count. If a woman is interested in a man, he will take all the troubles upon himself. It sounds a little old-fashioned, but when a man likes a woman, he asks her out.
Misanthrope Character Traits
How to distinguish a person who does not like people from a simple person in the street who is suddenly in a bad mood caused by traffic jams or a quarrel with his beloved? Misanthropes have some traits that you should pay attention to when communicating:
- They do not accept social, behavioral or religious norms. They don’t like humanity as a whole and speak negatively about people.
- Often, in a defiant and provocative form, they contrast their own personality with society or all of humanity.
- They relate well to friends and close people, the number of which is calculated in a few units.
Misanthropes prefer communicating with old friends to making new acquaintances. Rejection of human weaknesses and shortcomings does not allow misanthropes to fully communicate and make a favorable impression on unfamiliar people.
He doesn't want to have sex with you
Women's excuses: he is afraid of a serious relationship.
Men's truth: where are serious relationships and where is sex? (Just kidding!) But if a man likes a woman, he always wants to touch her. Therefore, if a guy, lying on the couch with you, happily eats cookies and watches a movie (and is not gay), he simply is not attracted to you. As for being afraid of serious relationships, one guy said, “That’s what we tell girls we don’t really like that much.”
Features of toxic relationships
The main characteristic of relationships with such people is expressed in constant negativity and emotional suppression. This does not always happen clearly, but over time the negative psychological background of the relationship becomes more and more obvious. What is very important is that “victims” are not always aware of whose fault it is that their quality of life is deteriorating. Even when they identify a toxic person in their environment, banal psychological manipulation prevents them from breaking out of his network. The ability to manage people in one’s own interests is another negative factor that aggravates the situation of others.
He just up and disappeared
Women's excuses: maybe he died or went to the hospital?
Man's truth: maybe, but most likely he decided to leave you. And he didn't have the courage to tell you honestly about it. Info 100%. The one hundred percent of male respondents who "disappeared" from a woman's sight said they were fully aware that they had done something terrible, and no amount of phone calls or late conversations would make them change their mind.
The difficulty of dealing with toxic people
Unfortunately, the problem of being under the influence of a toxic person does not lie so much in his area of responsibility, but rather lies in the usual psychology of the “victim”. The fact is that people are often guided by standard patterns of behavior, believing that the formed social circle should exist, despite all the problems that may arise within its communication network. That is, communication with a toxic person is perceived as the norm, and all negative factors are perceived as an integral part of any relationship.
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In the tactics of struggle, that is, getting out of toxic relationships, understanding the need to break them off should be key. You shouldn’t hold on to bad company with all your might, because there is always the opportunity to change it to nicer people.
It is important to understand that being in the company of a toxic person is not an obligation, but a choice. The only exception may be a person from a close family circle, with whom in any case you will have to somehow contact. But even in this case, there are ways to minimize communication and suppress conflict situations.
One way or another, the first step will require identifying a toxic friendship. The ability to recognize it and take timely measures to isolate yourself from toxic and manipulative influences will help you more easily control your relationships with others.
To make it easier to solve this problem, psychologists initially recommend focusing on 4 main types of toxic people, which will be discussed below.
He humiliates you
Women's excuses: but he will change, I guess I'm really not good enough...
A man's truth: you are good enough not to endure humiliation. If a man raises his voice at a woman, criticizes her, reminds her that she is too fat, thereby making her feel unattractive, then this is not a feature of his character, but a basic lack of respect. An adequate man never tries to humiliate or upset a woman he really likes.
How to help a misanthrope
Psychologists suggest that such individuals can radically change their attitude towards humanity only with the appearance of true love or their own child in their lives. Despite the lingering hatred and contempt for all people, instinctive paternal or maternal feelings will inevitably break out sooner or later and, perhaps, somewhat soften the attitude of a person who does not like society and opposes himself to it.
Living together with such a person, many try to somehow influence the misanthrope’s worldview and correct his character. In some cases this actually works. It is enough to show the misanthrope that he is not so different from other people, that he also has his own advantages and disadvantages, needs and weaknesses.
Nevertheless, some character traits that appeared during the formation and development of personality will remain with the misanthrope, in all likelihood, until the end of his life. Examples of such traits are pride, vanity, swagger and arrogance. It is important to remember that even a person who does not like people has the right to happiness and peace.
Pessimists
Having experienced painful and even tragic events, such people do not let go of bad memories from their lives. They seem to revel in sad events, plunging themselves and those around them into negativity. There can be no bright future next to such a person. A pessimist tries in every possible way to instill a psychological atmosphere of decline, pain and disappointment without any hint of bright hope.
Moreover, such people are guided not by logical assumptions, but by far-fetched conjectures and fantasies with shades of pessimism. They build a picture of the world that they themselves want to see in their lives and in the destinies of those around them.
How to work with a person you don't like. Advice from psychologists
Everyone has at least once had to deal with a colleague who gets on your nerves. The reason for hostility can be anything - someone laughs too loudly and interferes with concentration, someone takes credit for other people's ideas, and someone often misses deadlines. Fast Company talked about the four most common types of toxic colleagues and explained how to avoid disagreements.
“Behavior can be learned. Just because you have a certain personality doesn’t mean you can’t behave differently,” said Stefan Dilchert, an assistant professor of management at Baruch College.
To determine which personality traits are most strongly expressed in a person, psychologists usually use the Big Five test. Knowing your own performance and that of your colleagues can help you better understand how to manage interpersonal relationships at work.
The Big Five test offers five traits that can be used to classify a wide range of personalities: extraversion, agreeableness, openness to experience, conscientiousness and neuroticism. When two people have the same characteristic expressed in polar opposites, they may find it especially unpleasant to work with each other.
If you encounter a colleague with a sharply contrasting personality, you don't need to try to change him - you need to understand what his motivation is and use one of the strategies below.
People who seem selfish
Selfish people tend to score lower on agreeableness, which is a person's tendency to be liked by others. They usually do not come across as friendly people and may seem like they only think about themselves. In extreme cases, these co-workers may exhibit toxic behavior or narcissistic traits, such as taking credit for another employee's accomplishments.
“Some narcissists can be absolutely destructive to your workplace. Therefore, it is important to be able to distinguish people who act confident from those who are actually narcissists,” explained psychology professor Art Markman.
He advises looking out for failures to acknowledge other people's ideas (or appropriation of them) or attempts to project false authority.
As a manager, try reaching out to these employees directly. If they continue to mercilessly step over others to achieve their own goals, you must let them know that their behavior needs to change or you will have to fire them for the sake of team cohesion. To suppress toxic behavior, it is necessary to demonstrate zero tolerance for offensive behavior.
People who seek conflict
Interpersonal drama has no place at work. Even in small doses, they can create tension and affect a team's performance.
But there is also a type of conflict that can be beneficial, or at least not detrimental to culture, Dilchert said.
If possible, leave these employees to work on projects alone. It's also important to make healthy dependence on each other part of your company's mission. Make it clear that everyone's success depends on the team's success. Don't hold back from asking each other questions. And, most importantly, take the emphasis off the individual. This way, no one particular team member can dominate and exhibit cavalier behavior that works against the group .
People who don't want to be liked
Friendly employees get along easily with each other and open up to the rest of the team not only as colleagues, but also as friends. “Here's how to describe agreeableness: being a person who enjoys working and cooperating with others; the idea that we are working towards a common goal, which involves compromise,” Dilchert said.
If someone from the team does not like group work and often rejects ideas, you should pay attention to him. Less well-meaning people don't feel as bad about letting people down as well-meaning people. So try to be direct when you give feedback. Don't try to be too nice. Such people will not appreciate what you do at all, or even understand it.
These people are often very results oriented. Licensed therapist Melody Wilding says to use this and be specific. Make these colleagues feel like they are part of the solution. Or at least show them why certain aggressive habits won't get them where they want to be.
To deal with these colleagues, team up with other members of your team who are proponents of constructive exchange of ideas. Instead of allowing one colleague to impose his ideas “to achieve his own goals,” use a roundtable format so that the authoritarian employee cannot control the conversation.
People who are bad at meeting deadlines
One of the characteristics of the Big Five test is conscientiousness. At one end of the scale there are those who know how to weigh their decisions and are able to follow through with their actions, and at the other are irresponsible individuals for whom meeting deadlines and fulfilling obligations is not so important.
They do not feel internal pressure to follow the manager's rules or organizational norms. These are people who prefer to do things their own way rather than follow established standards. This isn't always a bad thing, of course, but it can be annoying when you have to meet tight deadlines.
To work with such people, it is useful to focus on meeting deadlines and organizational standards. Such employees may not see the importance of responding urgently to a deskmate's request, but may see things differently if they know that the team leader will review individual results after a certain number of days. In other words, implement control strategies.
Gossipers
The main motive of such a person is the desire to belittle other people. His words are always saturated with poison and bile, and addressed to mutual acquaintances. They constantly gossip, share other people's secrets, discuss the personal lives of mutual friends, criticize and condemn them. The desire to break off relations with such a person arises naturally, but there are also more subtle representatives of this category who behave in a veiled manner. They feel by the reaction of their interlocutor when they cross the line, and stop in time. The only thing that truly scares a toxic gossip is the risk of experiencing their own pain.
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People who hate life
These are toxic people who do not so much strive to cultivate anger and aggression as they hate all the joyful aspects of life. They resist all positive turns in their own destiny, and at the same time prevent those around them from feeling happy. If someone next to such a person begins to talk about good events in their life, the reaction of the toxic interlocutor will be to point out negative factors. He will certainly find something to complain about and speak out about it, ruining the mood of those around him.
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Causes of the condition
Why don’t you want to do anything and complete indifference?
Indifference to everything differs from private forms of this feeling, when you don’t care about something specific.
A state in which one does not want to do anything is called apathy .
It can develop into chronic fatigue, accompanied by regular impotence, a negative attitude, and a gloomy outlook on things and events in life.
Reasons why everything around can depreciate and become indifferent:
- Severe stress that unsettles you. Tragic incidents affecting the psychological state. Unexpected troubles and grief for which a person was not prepared have a particularly powerful effect. For example, the loss of a loved one, a fatal illness, separation from a spouse.
The degree of destructiveness of circumstances depends on the ability of the individual’s psyche to resist attacks and stress.Someone may be seriously devastated by being fired, while another person will easily start looking for a new job and will have virtually no regrets or worries about what happened.
- Mild but regular stress. A classic example: conflicts in the workplace. They do not reach serious altercations, but due to constant daily pressure, the tension accumulates and gradually breaks the person. At one moment, when the cup of patience is overflowing, a person may explode with a seemingly minor adversity.
- Crisis of meanings and goals in life . Occurs in different situations. It happens that a person becomes disappointed in the values he had. He achieves his goal and realizes that he was mistaken on the way to it. In other cases, there are no values or principles at all. One day you realize that you are floating with the flow and have nothing to cling to. There are no specific desires, goals, or interests. That's why life seems like a meaningless existence.
- Professional burnout.
A feeling familiar to representatives of those professions that require a lot of emotional investment. These are artists, actors, managers, psychologists. And also, all those who have to communicate regularly and help solve other people’s problems. The list includes creative professions that not only take up a lot of time, but also require enormous creative and intellectual efforts: writers, directors, artists, designers, programmers. - Diseases . The cause of apathy may be a banal disease or undertreatment. This also includes difficult recovery after a long illness, which took a lot of strength.
- Postpartum depression. For women, serious negative changes in mood can occur after the birth of a child or during pregnancy.
- Physical fatigue . May be associated with constant hard work at work. There may be a lack of balance between the energy received and the energy expended, a lack of nutrition, sleep, and vitamins.
- Decline in mood after joyful moments . For example, after the New Year, birthday and other holidays. Life returns to normal, the cheerful atmosphere disappears. As a result, a feeling of slight nostalgia and missing the holiday can develop into apathy.
