Cheating at work: reasons, circumstances and signs of betrayal

I posted the story of my wife cheating on me with her coworker on another site, but I hope I can get better advice here. I'm very sorry, but for the sake of speed and better understanding, I will paste parts from my original messages, as I want you to have a complete and objective picture. So here we go..

Before the events that happened, my wife had not cheated on me with her colleague or with anyone at all. I (I’m 33 years old) have been married to my wife (she’s 34 years old) for more than 10 years, we’ve been together for almost 13 years. We have two small children. After almost 6 years of taking care of the kids and home, my wife returned to work. I was 100% for it, although she assured me that she was happy being home with the kids, but she needed a change.

So she found a job in her field (banking). The only problem I had to face was her “strange relationship” with her male colleague, he is 27 years old, it was with him that she cheated on me, as I later found out.

It all started with random messages and grew into correspondence. At least a dozen messages were written every day, not counting communication in work mode (which she lied about at the beginning, that is, she denied).

When I expressed my concerns, I was shot down with the famous expressions: “we are just friends” and “you control me .

I saw him once when I was visiting my wife at work, and what I saw alarmed me. They looked at each other in a peculiar way, quickly looking away, as if they were embarrassed.

At this there was an awkward silence, the cause of which was I, you know what I mean. After that day I was pretty sure something was going on.

This went on for several months, during which we quarreled almost every day. I kept telling her that their weird relationship was putting crazy pressure on our marriage, but I was always cut off with “nothing is happening.”

I admit, one day without her knowledge, I looked through her phone and found that they text each other EVERY DAY, really about neutral things, nothing sexual, but it was obvious that some messages were deleted and some messages were very personal.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I told her we needed to talk. Here's how I described the situation in my original version:

Why do married women need affairs at work?

The very concept of betrayal for a woman carries a different meaning. And the point is not only that emotional intimacy with a partner is important for the weaker sex. Communication on the side depends on a number of circumstances that are not always associated with emotional experiences. If the lover is the boss, then betrayal may be a banal desire to improve one’s career, receive some benefits and bonuses, and avoid dismissal in case of refusal. A woman can also demonstrate an affair on the side demonstratively, simply as a reason for divorce or for the sake of revenge for the betrayal committed against her.

There are a number of reasons why wives cheat on their husbands at work. They are associated with the woman’s character traits or circumstances:

Low self-esteem, depressive moods or other psychological traumas cause a desire to assert oneself through sexual relations.
Search for inner harmony due to a lost emotional connection with her husband.
Narcissism and unjustified expectations can force a woman to redirect her attention to someone who has achieved more in life than her husband.
Sexual dissatisfaction or the search for thrills that the very fact of betrayal causes.
Informal atmosphere and corporate events that encourage more relaxed and relaxed communication.

READ How to survive your wife's betrayal: from finding reasons to forgiveness

A secular case of infidelity

In 2005, the public was stirred up: the marriage between Brad Pitt and the charming Jennifer Aniston was dissolved. Stars were considered the standard of love and the strongest family ties.

Fans went crazy with the desire to find out the truth, and inquisitive viewers bought tons of yellow press, wanting to get to the bottom of the truth. A strong marital bond was destroyed by banal betrayal at work. Sincere confessions were not long in coming.

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The fact is that the loving Brad, who showed all the charms of charisma and an impeccable male body, was unable to resist the charms of the sexy Angelina Jolie. The passion between the colleagues on the set flared up so strongly that its fire burned down the marriage of Pitt and Aniston.

The union of Angelina and Brad revealed to the world a harsh reality: the society of the 21st century was rocked by a wave of betrayals that would soon cover strong and innocent families. How to resist the trend of temptation? There are many criteria by which you can recognize a lie and a threat to family happiness. The main thing is that there is a desire to maintain the relationship.

Psychology of cheating behavior

Since the most important thing for a woman is the emotional side of a love relationship, the likelihood of cheating solely out of physiological needs, which is more typical of men, is unlikely. Marital infidelity will not be provoked by a desire to relieve tension or excess alcohol if the wife really loves her husband.

Stress and overcoming common difficulties in the professional sphere bring people closer together. According to statistics, adultery with a work colleague occurs in every third case. A woman gains from such relationships not only emotional closeness, but also finds a second family in which mutual understanding operates against the background of similar interests and common life goals.

I learned from strangers that my wife is cheating at work...

We have been married for more than 15 years, we have two children, just like in the movie - “a boy and a boy,” - we recently celebrated our crystal wedding.
But I didn’t even imagine that in just a few months our family life would begin to crumble with a clink, like fragments of a glass broken “for good luck.” My wife betrayed me by sleeping with another man.
Nothing foreshadowed a catastrophe, but in the last month my wife came home later than usual and went to bed early, citing fatigue. I understood her: she is the chief accountant, and this means eternal stress at work, responsibility, reports and tax audits.

And a week ago, an old lady I knew from a neighboring house stopped me at the house and intrusively began asking me what happened to Lyuda (my wife) and me, because just recently she saw her getting into the car of a stranger with an armful of flowers. And it was as if he was kissing and hugging her, like on his honeymoon...

I returned home in a fog, and in the evening I told my Lyudmila everything frankly. She burst into tears and admitted that she had fallen in love with a colleague and cheated on me with him. And then she realized how much she loved me and our family, and broke off this relationship. But they still work together, there’s no getting around it.

I
'm afraid of losing my wife and don't even want to remember what happened. I see that she also suffers and really loves me. She is also devoted to her job and does not want to change it. But how can I stay there when her colleague is always nearby and secretly mocking me? I don't know what to do. And sometimes it seems to me that she is still in love with him and might leave.”

How to tell if your wife is having an affair at work

A husband’s suspicions of infidelity may be groundless, fueled by his own self-doubt, but when a woman begins to exhibit uncharacteristic changes in behavior, it makes sense to think about their reasons. If the adultery was a one-time affair, under the influence of the moment, then no changes will follow. However, in the case when the companion’s feelings are involved, and a whirlwind romance develops behind her husband’s back, then peculiar manifestations will be noticeable.

As a rule, the most noticeable signs of a wife’s infidelity are regular delays at work, which have become the norm, and calls after hours, and at this moment the spouse tries to leave the room to talk.

Takes good care of himself

Changes in appearance for the better are a signal that a woman wants to be liked. New love experiences make the desire to look good pronounced. A change in haircut and hair color, manicure, perfect makeup, as well as close attention to your figure and the appearance of new things in your wardrobe (especially beautiful underwear) can be a sign of betrayal. But you should not draw premature conclusions, since the wife may be trying to bring a new spark to the marital relationship.

Restricting access to personal space

If previously a wife could ask her husband to read a message on the phone and sat quietly in a social network chat, then the emergence of an outside relationship can change the situation. Passwords appear on the phone and tablet, chat windows are minimized when the husband appears in the room, and when he tries to view the message, a response occurs in the form of a conflict. All this indicates the emergence of a mystery.

New company

The appearance of a new group of friends, in whose circle the woman does not intend to include her husband, even though she spends a lot of time there, is an alarming sign. This happens more often in the evening and is accompanied by regular delays, or even overnight stays with friends. A wife can find a lot of excuses to prevent her husband from seeing her off or meeting her under any circumstances.

Uncharacteristic tenderness towards spouse

If the manners of men who have a mistress at home change for the worse, then wives who cheat at work and feel guilty about themselves may become unusually caring and attentive. Such displays of tenderness occur not only to make amends. This is a tactical move to determine whether a man is suspicious.

Behavior in bed

Changes in intimacy manifest themselves in nervous avoidance of touch, and over time can lead to a complete cessation of sexual relations. In some cases, during sex, newly acquired skills, diversity in desires and behavior suddenly begin to appear.

READ Why men need lovers: the psychology of betrayal

Acute reaction to shortcomings

Criticism can only hurt when it hits an existing wound. Since a wife who cheats on her husband at work feels guilty and fears her husband’s knowledge, any hint of adultery can cause a violent reaction in her.

Misses calls from spouse

Excessive busyness, which prevents you from answering the phone even after ten missed calls, indicates neglect of your spouse. She doesn't call back after that, explaining that the sound was off, the signal was bad, there was a meeting, or any other made-up reason. This is a characteristic sign of betrayal.

Overtime activities

Frequent business trips should not raise suspicion when they are well paid or lead to promotion. If the level of income does not change, and the number and duration of business trips grows exponentially, this can be a convenient excuse for meetings with a lover.

Indifference

Lack of interest in her husband’s frequent delays at work, indifferent answers to questions. The woman gives her husband independent choice in this or that decision, indicating that this is no longer part of her life. She reacts indifferently to provocations, quarrels and scandals, not wanting to waste effort on something that is no longer relevant to her.

Constant brooding

Secrecy and uncharacteristic deep thoughtfulness, accompanied by a dreamy facial expression and a mysterious smile, can also serve as signs of betrayal. The woman moves away and thinks about another man, becoming distracted and withdrawn.

Present

The most striking and direct signs of infidelity, which are difficult to hide, are expensive jewelry, outfits or mobile phones that appear in the absence of an increase in income and are not included in the family budget plans.

In addition, if at the same time the wife is often driven home in the same car, and the smell of someone else’s men’s perfume is felt, then these are not just signs, but clear evidence of infidelity.

Signs of an office romance

Before leading American psychotherapist John Grinder became the author of the neurolinguistic programming system, he studied the functioning of interpersonal codes. In his understanding, they denoted a pattern of behavior that all people use for certain reasons. By studying and analyzing human behavior, it is possible to determine the original source of an action, give justification for it (to the extent possible), and also anticipate actions that were committed without the knowledge of the observer.

Grinder was particularly interested in interpersonal communication. Viewing psychology as a complex and multifaceted process, he observed with interest lovers and married couples, believing that the full range of an individual’s feelings can be found only in harmonious relationships.

Healthy relationships, in his opinion, have identical characteristics that can be seen with the naked eye. Family problems have their own “codes” by which they can be recognized and neutralized. Cheating on wives that occurred at work is also a code. An office romance has obvious signs that cannot be hidden or destroyed. From them you can recognize infidelity and the desire to commit it. Knowing how to spot a liar can save your marriage or get rid of lies.

Changes in behavior

The famous hypnologist Sylvia Runkle noticed anomalies in the behavior of her employees Spencer and Olivia, who had been happily married for several years, but had an open sympathy for each other.

Spencer was the head of the IT department where the frivolous Olivia was interning. Observing the behavior of the intern, Dr. Runkle decided to identify how a woman’s behavior changes if an affair with her boss occurs, and also to establish what criteria can be used to determine the appearance of a third person in a relationship.

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Looks after himself more than usual

Cheating on your beloved wife at work begins with changes in appearance. It's all due to increased female libido. Here you should take into account the effect of sexual arousal on the girl’s body.

It is like unintentional impulses that break out, penetrating into all areas of life and personal development. These impulses increase feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. They help a woman accept and love herself, because someone who is subject to the attention of several men is obliged to shine from within and look presentable.

When a lover appears, the girl begins to carefully monitor her appearance. There are dramatic changes in her appearance. A change of hairstyle, look, image, a charming haircut or an unscheduled trip to a cosmetic surgeon - the main desire of an unfaithful spouse will be an attempt to hide flaws in appearance.

A feature of unfaithful wives will be the appearance of a note of vulgar sexuality in their image. In search of a vibrant intimate life, a woman tends to rush in search of an effective means of rejuvenation. The desire to look younger than one's age is due to the renewed passion that people experience during active student life.

Stays late at work

If your spouse cheated with your boss or colleague, punctuality becomes her sworn enemy. Family life, which has become a solid foundation for a stable and well-coordinated daily routine, is unlikely to be able to accommodate affairs, courtship and sexual contacts, on which it is customary to spend several hours a day.

The advantage of an office romance (exclusively for an unfaithful spouse) is the opportunity to see your lover every day, but working hours are unlikely to be enough to fully satisfy your needs. Saving evening hours help. Regular delays at the workplace, the emergence of new responsibilities, endless checks, reports and picky clients - the list of excuses will grow in proportion to your affection for your lover.

Such betrayals often involve business trips on weekends, as well as an expansion of professional responsibilities. At the same time, the spouse’s appearance, on the contrary, will improve.

Frequent quarrels or increased jealousy

American sociologist and sexologist Fred Klein developed the theory of uncontrolled impulses, according to which at the moment of prolonged sexual arousal the body saturates its emotional spectrum to the maximum. Psychologists focused on couple sex advise their patients to make love after quarrels and disagreements, since orgasm helps to balance emotions and intensively fill the body with them.

When a lover appears, the emotional background is overwhelmed, and a spectrum of additional emotions called phobias joins it. Feelings of guilt, fear of losing a relationship or being caught form a huge layer of fears, which, merging with existing feelings, spill out.

The unconscious does not know how to react to the endless stream of sensations. A woman’s mood changes, hostility and aggression after a couple of minutes are replaced by a surge of tenderness, jealousy or desperate love. Cheating with an attractive work colleague provokes a woman to excessively express multifaceted feelings, they throw her out of balance and destroy harmony in the family.

Doesn't answer calls right away

If a spicy situation happened to a work colleague just once, then it will be difficult to declassify it. But when deception becomes regular, irrefutable evidence is very easy to find.

The main mistake women make is the inability to maintain continuous telephone communication. When a lover appears, a woman gets busy with a variety of things. Sudden busyness is unlikely to allow her to closely monitor her mobile phone. The first sign of betrayal will be a phone call.

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At the snap of a finger, a cheater turns into a busy lady, who has every minute planned out every minute, and her companions are a disabled smartphone and silent mode. The speed of responses to messages and the monosyllabic nature of the text also speak volumes.

But before drawing conclusions, you need to study your spouse’s work schedule. Perhaps the quarterly report is really called a quarterly report, and the changed travel schedule indicates an upcoming promotion.

Treason can be considered a chain of causes and circumstances; they are all interconnected. A switched off phone will be a reason for suspicion along with changes in behavior, and a change in image will only make you think if you have a busy schedule.

Absent-mindedness and thoughtfulness

2 young couples turned to the popular psychotherapist-practitioner Virginia Satir for a session. The reason that prompted them to start looking for a good doctor was paranoid jealousy on the part of their partners. Virginia decided to carefully study the behavior of the spouses in order to establish the truth and find the original source of family mistrust.

The first patients were Mr. and Mrs. Levy. Staven believed that his wife had an affair with the director, which caused him to have attacks of rage and uncontrollable aggression. His wife was Milena Levi, who pointed out the groundlessness and absurdity of such accusations. The second couple was Tony and Ginger Grace, who came from Texas. Mr. Grace suspected his wife of having an affair with the dentist, but his wife resolutely denied his suspicions.

During the session, Milena Levi behaved calmly and judiciously. For an hour, she told her husband how much she loved him and was afraid that his psychological health was in danger. Ginger Grace, on the other hand, responded aggressively to her husband's questions, became angry and gave intermittent answers, without taking her eyes off the oak branch outside the window.

Virginia prescribed Mrs. Levy's husband strong sedatives and continued working with him as a psychiatrist. Ginger was invited to an individual consultation, where Dr. Satir began to look for the reason for her infidelity. Mrs. Grace showed nervousness and thoughtfulness, which she could not hide behind feigned offense.

How to find out the truth and get rid of doubts

If suspicions of your spouse’s infidelity are confirmed by certain signs, you can use the following means:

A proposal to spend free time together. If a woman has an affair on the side, she will come up with a bunch of reasoned reasons not to do this, and will prefer to leave for her “very urgent matters.” This, of course, may be true, but it should not happen all the time.
A direct question can provoke confusion; a cheater can hesitate to answer. A noisy quarrel is not excluded, but an honest confession may follow.
Surveillance. It’s easy to organize it on your own by installing a hidden camera in the apartment, or hire a private detective. You can find a specialist in hacking social network pages, where detailed personal correspondence with friends will reveal the presence of a boyfriend. A mobile phone or computer may also contain intimate photographs or messages.
Take someone by surprise. To do this, you need to organize an imaginary departure. Having returned ahead of schedule, he will either catch the lovers red-handed, or make sure that all suspicions and worries were in vain.

READ Wife is cheating on her husband: how to determine if your spouse is unfaithful and what to do next

Signs that your wife is cheating on you

She does not part with gadgets.

Yes, if a woman has an affair, she will communicate with the new man as much as possible. Your phone and computer give you a chance to read compliments from your boyfriend before going to bed.

The idea that she deletes correspondence is most likely false. It is more likely that it is more pleasant for her to re-read it a hundred times a day, as they want, until her fly bursts.

She will explain late calls and texts with excuses. Natasha was bitten by a hedgehog. Yes, she wants to talk about it right now. So what if it’s night? The manager needs to know what color paper clips to order.

If you ask her for a computer for a couple of hours, she will most likely eat it right on the spot. And he will explain his behavior by a lack of iron in the body. But he won't give it up.

She stopped correcting you.

If your wife is surprised that you like to cut your nails with a chainsaw, she will constantly ask you to stop. And (you can laugh, but) women don’t try to screw with our brains with such things. For them, this is a struggle for relationships.

She doesn’t want to one day realize that she no longer has the strength to endure this sight. She tries to fix what she doesn't like.

Yes, if she has become more indifferent to you, it means she has shifted her focus. Maybe she's stuck at work. Maybe a new hobby is taking all your energy. But you are the main thing in her life. And if she suddenly stopped doing the little things she always did, you should be wary.

She makes new friends.

Option one: new girlfriends are a lie. If your old friend Natasha refused to cover up her spree, you can invent a new one, Snezhana. And tell how they sang karaoke all evening. In reality, she was mastering the official hotel sheets in the arms of her lover.

The second option may be that old friends did not approve of the betrayal. They scolded me, ruined my mood and refused to cover me. They said, why do you need this boyfriend? Go home to your husband!

Your new friends don't know you. And they don't care about the fate of your marriage. They will listen with rapt attention to how skillfully your wife hides photos of her naked lover.

She leaves home more often.

This means the person is feeling bad at home. So she's trying to escape.

New courses in clay modeling can be a cover for meeting another man. Or there may be a reason not to be in your company, because she is no longer comfortable with you. Guilt will push her away from you.

She will come up with things to do and sign up for a crochet club. Just not to spend evenings with her husband, with whom she is unhappy.

Change of appearance.

The sharp desire to look better is unlikely to have arisen because she suddenly decided to please you. Most likely, someone else appeared on the horizon. Who would you like to buy a new dress for?

She will also pay close attention to what is under the dress. And he will start buying dirty lingerie

You will begin to suspect something. Since for the last ten years she has been parading around the house in cotton polka dots. She also argued for the lack of silk by saying that it is not worth squandering the family budget on a hundred pairs of panties.

Changes in bed.

Not everything is so simple here, but there will most likely be variables.

She could have adopted some habits from a skilled lover. Listen, is the girl next to you the one you married?

Frequent refusals of sex and lack of signs of attraction should alert you.

Some wives, on the contrary, are intensely focused on pleasing their husbands. To avert your eyes. Besides, my mother said that a satisfied man is an incurious man.

Do not harm your career: the right tactics of behavior

Cheating with your boss is one of the most controversial and difficult situations that can arise in a relationship. The reasons that became the driving factor for such an act may vary: a simple desire to climb higher on the career ladder, a manifestation of weakness at a corporate event, or admiration for the leader as a man. In any of these options, the basis for infidelity is the lack or decreased expression of attention to one’s spouse, financial instability, or sexual dissatisfaction. In most cases, a woman seeks to satisfy her desires and needs on the side when she is no longer satisfied with marriage.

It’s another matter if there is a fact of forced sex under the influence of intimidation or threats. It is necessary to talk frankly with your spouse and make every effort to solve her problems. However, you should not show aggression and engage in assault; the best way out in this situation would be to change jobs.

It should be taken into account that an affair with a boss at work may also have natural psychological reasons. The appearance of feelings for a leader is a normal reaction in object relations, necessary for their modeling.

What to do if your wife cheats with a colleague or boss at work

In marriage, passion between a man and a woman is gradually replaced by everyday life: grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, raising children. There is less and less time left to enjoy each other. Such a routine pushes partners towards infidelity, and female infidelities occur no less often than male ones. The main place to look for a new gentleman is work. Communication with a boss, colleague and periodic change of partners is possible. What to do after learning about the fact of betrayal is up to the husband to decide. The easiest way in such a situation is to file for divorce without understanding the reasons. But first you need to calmly assess the situation so as not to act rashly.

A wife's betrayal can be recognized by her behavior and long-term lack of intimacy. Sometimes she herself admits to having affairs on the side.

Often, jealous husbands mistake ordinary flirting at work for cheating. In this case, there is no reason to worry - psychologists say that a woman’s self-esteem increases when her appearance is appreciated by colleagues.

If a man suspects his wife’s infidelity, he should be patient and assess the situation in the family. Unsubstantiated accusations, quarrels and scandals will worsen relationships. In some cases, the spouse herself begins a frank conversation and admits to cheating.

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When observing his wife, a man pays attention to her mood. Sudden changes and a desire to change one’s appearance may be a fact of infidelity, but at the same time they indicate a desire to improve relationships in the family, regain former romance, and please oneself

Abandoned life: unwashed dishes, infrequent cleaning and lack of food are a sure sign of betrayal. All the woman’s thoughts about her new lover force her to abandon household chores and raising children.

People who suffer from their own infidelity are too polite and courteous. Mysterious behavior and mysterious looks should also make your husband suspicious.

How to behave after betrayal

Statistics indicate that most wives feel remorse after cheating on their husbands at work. If the love affair was fleeting and frivolous, and the spouses agreed to continue living together peacefully, the marriage can not only survive, but also become stronger.

When your wife’s infidelity at work is a regular relationship, and the situation is not going well, you can turn to a family psychologist for help. However, first the husband should:

Talk to your wife in a calm environment to find out about the real reasons for the betrayal. These could be financial difficulties, frequent quarrels, the boring role of a housewife associated with the monotony of everyday life, sexual dissatisfaction with a partner, etc. The woman thus used the opportunity to get away from problems by entering into a simpler relationship.
Analyze your behavior. When a woman does not receive enough attention from her husband, she finds him on the side.
Assess your position in the family. If the wife is the unofficial head of the family, she may regard infidelity as natural and acceptable behavior for herself, since she considers the fulfillment of most male responsibilities to be her prerogative.

There are often cases when a wife enters into a sexual relationship in order to contribute to the career growth of her husband. As a rule, such a love triangle destroys family relationships, and married life does not end happily.

Reasons for female infidelity

Before you look for a fashionable checkered beret and a large magnifying glass, trying on the image of the insightful Sherlock Holmes, you need to understand the reasons for girlish infidelity.

The first psychoanalyst who wondered why a wife cheats on her man at work was Sigmund Freud. At the beginning of the last century, he lectured at the Institute for the Study of Childhood Diseases. Dr. Freud was an honorary employee of the institute, and the staff, wanting to establish friendly relations with the popular professor, shared their secrets with him.

Of the dozens of stories about accidents and unhappy family dramas, he was drawn to the story of a nurse named Charlotte, who assisted Richard's chief physician for several years. According to the inquisitive team, the nurse had a warmth towards the doctor that was far from official. They said that the affair lasted several months, and love took a firm hold of Charlotte's heart. Freud began his own observation. The staff's guesses turned out to be justified. Richard took his young assistant to and from work, and in an unexpected way they spent the night shifts together.

Freud cared little about the love, sympathy and sex life of his hospital partners. What attracted him to this story was the fact that Charlotte had a husband and two children.

The psychoanalyst called the nurse's marriage painful and began to diagnose it. He arranged psychotherapeutic sessions for Charlotte and within 3 months returned love for her husband to her mind . For himself, Dr. Freud identified the following key reasons for infidelity:

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Reasons for a man to cheat on his beloved woman

sexual dissatisfaction in marriage;
psychological crisis in relationships;
lack of attention, courtship and affection;
lack of psychological stroking;
love, passion and external manifestations of attractiveness of a new partner;
due to boredom.

How to protect your wife from making mistakes

A corporate event is a great reason to relax and forget about pressing problems. Families are often torn apart at such events. A relaxed atmosphere and alcoholic drinks can provoke a thirst for adventure even in the most respectable wife.

To prevent your wife’s betrayal at work from becoming a reality, the ideal option would be to accompany her to the event. If the boss does not welcome family visits to such holidays, you should warn the situation in order to protect your woman from a possible mistake.

For example, agree that after the main part of the celebration the husband will take his wife home. You should not wait for the moment when the banquet gains momentum and begins to cross the boundaries of what is permitted. If you can’t come pick up your wife, it’s better to call a taxi.

In addition, you can use little tricks:

Try to organize a corporate event for your organization in the same restaurant.
On the day of the party, indicate that you are not feeling well, which will force your wife to either refuse to go to the event or come home as early as possible.
Give your wife unforgettable sex before going to the event.
Invite an important guest, for example, someone from your management, to your “long-planned” dinner on this day.

Why is she cheating?

New love.

This is the saddest of options. And no one is immune from this. Even you.

She feels wanted again. She sees how her new boyfriend admires her. Knows how much he wants her.

It is quite possible that at home the girl stopped experiencing all these emotions.

We can ignore our feelings for the sake of family and marriage. Don’t give in to temptation and get over the disease. But if she's already cheating, she chose him, bro.

It’s up to you to decide whether to continue the relationship in such a situation.

Lack of emotions.

For women, sex is a manifestation of love, a type of communication, an expression of feelings. They won’t cheat just for the sake of a bigger penis.

If you don't give her love and care, your wife may cheat on someone who does.

Do you think that bringing in a paycheck and vacuuming once a week is enough? No, after years of marriage, she remained the same girl you fell in love with. She also needs courtship, compliments and care.

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When was the last time you looked at her with hungry eyes? When did you bring gifts for no reason? Did this even happen?

If a woman has an indifferent, monotonous husband, and a new colleague writes to her about the depth of his feelings, she may cheat.

An imposed family.

There may also be an option that the wife does not want to be a wife. It happens when the need to get married is imposed on girls. They persuade and promise “happily ever after.”

And inside her lives a party girl and a traveler, who at six in the morning could take off and go to the seaside because she wanted to.

Everyday life took away from the girl everything she loved. Locked her within four walls.

Or you got married because she got pregnant.

She will want to remember herself as the one who was free to do whatever she wanted. Snatch a piece of happiness, forbidden, but insanely desired.

Boredom, need for adrenaline.

If your life has turned into Groundhog Day, sound the alarm. Everyday life and monotony stifle relationships. No one will be happy where there are no emotions. Where everything became boring and the same. And every day is the same as the previous one.

And just as you came, ate and went to the shower yesterday, so you go today. And nothing changes. And the woman begins to wither in routine.

If her life consists of thoughts about buying toilet paper and rare trips to her parents, then the situation is already dangerous. She may well try to get a dose of emotion by flirting with a new employee in tight jeans.

To make sure your wife has someone on her side, you don't need to rape her phone and watch where she goes.

Should I get a divorce?

When a wife cheats at work with her boss, especially a married one, the prospect of such an affair developing is unlikely. Often this is a one-time adultery that occurred at a corporate party, which will remain a random episode. Under any circumstances, you should not rush, do not listen to the advice of friends or relatives and make your own decision. If a man wants to save his family, then he must show a willingness to forgive and not subsequently remind his wife of what he did.

Female infidelity is detrimental to male self-esteem, and creates many obstacles to the continuation of relationships, since it is based on strong feelings. If your wife has a serious relationship, you should give her a choice and the opportunity to understand herself.

When you can't do without divorce

If a wife cheated on a man at work, but he accepted her infidelity and is ready to forgive, you should familiarize yourself with the reasons why you need to separate forever:

Repeated betrayal. As the ancient Greek thinkers said: “A chance should be given once.” There is no second chance.
Her lack of desire to start over. Relationships are work. It takes two people to improve, save and stabilize harmony in the family. If one has no desire to change something, then the situation is inevitable.
Lack of ability to forgive. You should save your marriage only if the betrayal is truly a thing of the past. The inability to forget about her will turn into sandpaper that will torment the husband from the inside until he leaves the family. It's better to finish everything at once.

Treason cannot be hidden. Any secrets come out sooner or later. You need to find the reason for the deception, work through it and decide whether the family deserves a second try at happiness.

Forgive and forget: advice from psychologists

Experiencing and forgiving betrayal is a difficult and lengthy process, as the cheater loses trust. It is difficult to come to terms with and live with constant suspicions. In addition, the reaction of others can aggravate an already difficult situation.

If pity and sympathy arise towards a man, then an unfaithful wife causes contempt and condemnation, which is unpleasant for both spouses. When you still have a desire to preserve family relationships, you should not wash your dirty laundry in public.

To overcome their negative emotions, psychologists advise husbands:

Imagine your future life without your wife. In many cases, it is easier to survive the insult and pain than to lose your soulmate forever, especially if the married life lasts for more than a decade.
Take a pause. Don’t get excited, wait a while to regain your lost peace of mind. After this, you need to look at the situation from a different angle: it is likely that forgiveness in the current circumstances will be the decision of a strong and self-confident man. After all, as Mahatma Gandhi said, only “the weak never forgive.”

In addition, you need to change yourself. It is important to try to understand your wife, try to give her what she lacked throughout their life together. A woman who is loved, surrounded by attention and care, will not look for new sensations on the side.

How do you know if your husband is really cheating?

According to psychologists, these things should not be ignored, but it is better to take a closer look at them:

1. Usually this happens when your partner begins to make scandals for you, provoking you into quarrels in every possible way, accusing you of all the “mortal sins” and far-fetched actions.

Such scandals are created, as a rule, in order to successfully leave the apartment, turn off your mobile phone, and then not talk about where he was at that moment.

2. When the salary began to decrease significantly, or his expenses quickly began to rise.

Note: in order to bring your beloved into the open, it is strictly not recommended to use various listening devices, bugs and other spy accessories. Such actions, as a rule, are resorted to in the most extreme cases, when, for example, a husband threatens his wife or categorically refuses to give her a divorce.

Important advice from psychologists on what to do for a woman who has experienced infidelity

Start improving your self-esteem. After all, if a woman does not love herself, no man will ever love her. You need to start respecting yourself, pampering and cherishing yourself. Buy yourself a new dress or shoes, ring or underwear. For better results, you can wear new things even at home.
Clean up your head. Seriously. Start putting things in order there. First, you need to at least talk to someone. This doesn't mean you need to complain or vent. No. Just talk to a good person about your plans, your interests, or just about the weather.
In every situation you can find some advantages. Try to find them here too. Perhaps you have been wanting to renovate for a long time? Great. Now you have a lot of time for this. Start actively moving furniture with your husband, tear off old wallpaper. Joint work ennobles and brings people together.

How to behave for a woman whose husband cheats on her, but does not leave the family

Cheating on your husband is a huge challenge for any woman.

If your husband continues to lie to you even after his infidelity has been completely proven, you must adhere to some specific rules:

1. Try to convey to your beloved

that a lie can destroy everything and this is not a clear foundation that can withstand any test of strength.

2. Explain to your spouse that the crisis you have experienced related to infidelity can sometimes even strengthen the relationship.

According to statistics, most couples who experienced adultery claimed that their relationships became better and stronger.

3. As a rule, most Russian women are accustomed to throwing hysterics with breaking dishes and using obscene language.

These methods usually lead to calm, but only temporary. Usually, the exploits of men after such hysterics only resume with even greater force.

4. Because keeping negativity to yourself is also not worth it

, it is best to give your spouse a thrashing, but in words, carefully choosing each expression behind the stream of abuse, without losing its essence. It is best to clearly and balancedly formulate your claims to him and, as the injured party, put forward a number of your demands to him.

The main thing is to under no circumstances take it out on your children, friends and relatives, since they have absolutely nothing to do with and are not to blame for your spouse’s infidelity.

What to do if the husband walks and does not leave the family?

The answer may seem quite strange, but!

Any wandering husband will be perfectly influenced by a counter lie, which, as if in a mirror, will allow him to look at his own behavior. Moreover, you may not even take revenge on your spouse with some kind of retaliatory betrayal.

It's enough to have a party with your old friends

or even just spend the night with your girlfriend, but when asked where you spent that night, tell the same tales that he usually tells you.

Important! If a woman knows about her husband’s infidelity, but prefers to pretend that this is not happening, due to her cowardice or lack of willpower, then, as a rule, this leads to disastrous consequences and certainly will not help strengthen the marriage bond.

The behavior of a man after the fact of betrayal or an affair

It is not at all difficult for a man to determine whether a man is cheating on his wife. Moreover, the longer his affair on the side continues, the faster and more successfully he can be identified.

Strange actions

It is impossible not to notice that the man’s behavior becomes completely different. If earlier he scattered his socks around the house, and it was almost impossible to train them to put them in the dirty laundry basket, now he not only throws them in the washing machine, but also carefully hangs them out to dry.

Or another case:

completely unexpectedly, right in the middle of the week, a husband who is very far from romantic relationships suddenly brings a bouquet of gorgeous flowers and your favorite wine after work, although he had never done this before, even on your birthday. Maybe your spouse began to spend more time with you, help you around the house, and even watch movies with you that he didn’t like before.

Unfortunately, these facts may indicate that your man is behaving the way they usually behave after cheating.

Lack of tenderness

Your spouse began to show less and less attention and tenderness to you in private, in an intimate way. Why might this be observed?

As a rule, this happens because a man is tormented by his conscience

and he feels bad about the fact that he betrayed you. This is precisely what can prevent him from getting together at the most crucial moment and being a sincere and affectionate partner with you.

Closedness

After a spouse commits adultery, it can greatly affect his behavior as he is tormented by remorse when he returns home. He may become withdrawn or have a bad mood and all this is the result of some stress and painful experiences.

Therefore, you should be careful with certain conclusions

, because this does not mean at all that your spouse continues to cheat on you.

A man is bored

Being next to you, a man begins to frankly get bored, especially if he has always had fun and at ease with some other woman. And the longer all this continues, the more noticeable the complete indifference towards you will be.

If your spouse is not interested in you at all

, your hobbies or some holidays, it doesn’t hurt to think about what exactly happened. And the whole point is that the man, having probably cheated on you, received a surge of such vivid emotions that he certainly wants to experience again.

He became unstable

After adultery has occurred, your spouse may behave irritably and unrestrainedly towards you. It can start up just like that, out of the blue, and constantly makes various comments to you. Quite often scandals and quarrels began to brew between you.

In this case, there can be only one solution for you

- once again, do not anger your spouse and, having shown the lion’s share of patience towards him, try to behave quite calmly. You can even show all your tenderness, affection and attention. If in this case your husband’s behavior does not change in any way, then he probably has another woman on his side.