I feel lonely - possible causes and solutions to the problem

How to overcome loneliness: understand the reason

Ask yourself: why do I feel lonely? Do you have few friends or rarely communicate with them? Make new acquaintances or find time to regularly communicate with friends. In such cases, it is useful to keep a diary, write down your thoughts, and track your well-being. For example, you can write like this:

• the feeling of loneliness comes to me when...
• for the first time I felt alone...

The recordings will help you better understand yourself and cope with the root cause of the unpleasant feeling. In some cases, talking to a psychologist helps if you understand that you cannot cope on your own.

Keep yourself busy

Why does a person feel lonely? Often this is determined precisely by boredom. Think for yourself: at what moments do you feel lonely? If you realize that you feel completely normal during any work, then do not worry: your problem can be solved.

Keep yourself busy. Dedicate yourself more to study, work, and self-development. Read, travel more often, learn foreign languages, start cooking, knitting or sewing, learn to ride a bike or skateboard, join a gym, walk with a friend’s dog, go to the park and take pictures of the surroundings. In general, there are actually just a lot of things to do. And all of them can calmly distract you from negative thoughts.

Distinguish between loneliness and solitude

Being alone is sometimes useful to understand yourself and engage in your favorite hobbies. If you are haunted by feelings such as sadness, loneliness, melancholy, then listen to these tips:

• develop and work on yourself;
• learn new things, cook delicious food, join a hobby club;
• do something that you have always put off on the back burner.

Learn to communicate with yourself, understand who you are. People always like individuals who love and value themselves. Then others will be drawn to you and desire communication.

Get out of your comfort zone

Probably everyone would like to spend all their days at home watching TV and watching their favorite series. But you will never develop social skills this way.

Look for new places where you would like to spend time: museums, parks, cinema, circus, theater, exhibitions, literary clubs. This way you will expand your social circle and perhaps learn something important. After all, it is through communication that we learn from the experiences of other people and their positive qualities. Many people pull us up, motivate us and set the bar we strive for throughout our lives. Change your environment, and you will immediately notice how loneliness begins to go away.

How to Deal with Loneliness: Boost Your Self-Esteem

How to cope with loneliness: Pixabay
Often people with low self-esteem avoid communication, considering themselves unworthy, wrong, afraid of hearing criticism. Many people probably know cases where an ugly duckling at school turned into a successful businessman in adulthood.

Remember that you are an individual. This means that what distinguishes you from others is the most valuable gift. To improve your self-esteem, do the following:

• consult a psychologist;
• develop in what you love;
• go in for sports.

Many successful show business stars have said that they were different as children. These differences helped them achieve success and become social individuals.

Look for friends with similar interests

There is no person who does not have one hobby. At least one movie watched, one book read - and you can already find common ground with your interlocutor.

The Internet is a great resource for finding friends. Look for people like you. Maybe you once lived in the same city or went to the same pool? This is a great way to cheer up when a person is feeling lonely.

Probably, strong friendships are the key to happiness. Where are we without support, love, affection and positive emotions?

Loneliness: Learn to Enjoy Your Company

No one to invite for a walk? Then go yourself. Go out to dinner, visit a movie theater and enjoy a great movie. Yes, at first you will be constrained, especially when watching noisy companies around. But then you’ll get used to it, especially since there’s nothing strange about having fun on your own.

To make your task easier, do this:

• Take a book to a cafe and read over a cup of coffee. Know that it's normal for everyone to spend time alone sometimes;
• be positive. Who said it would be easy? But for the second time you won’t have to force yourself.

This way you will not only have fun, but also expand your comfort zone.

Pay attention to your loved ones

Call your parents or relatives right now. Sometimes even one call can lift your spirits. Who knows, maybe you will be invited to visit them and you will definitely feel better knowing that someone needs you?

Moreover, it is your parents who will always accept, understand and support you. Chances are they don't even know about your condition. Be sure to tell your loved ones about what worries you. Their emotions and support are sincere, and you won't have to feel like there's a catch.

How to get rid of feelings of loneliness: get a pet

Social research shows that the presence of pets can reduce feelings of loneliness. Get a dog: this way you will not only find a good friend, but also go for walks with your pet. There is a chance to meet other dog owners and make friends. Help to overcome loneliness:

• cats;
• hamsters;
• Guinea pigs.

Any living creature will bring variety and positivity to your life. Imagine: you open the door and a pet greets you. Immediately my soul feels joyful and good.

Think positively

One of the problems of loneliness is the negativity that we bring upon ourselves. Feel the difference:

1. “No one in the group understands me.”
2. “I haven’t made any friends in this group yet, but it’s temporary.”

Agree, these are two completely different statements. And our thoughts affect our mood. So why think in a negative way when you can rephrase the thought with bright colors?

A good way to start thinking positively is to create an environment where there is an atmosphere of kindness and love, and people do not think negatively.

How to get rid of loneliness: help others

Help: Pixabay
Join a volunteer organization, charity event. If you are too shy, then start with online communities, and then move on from virtual communication to personal communication. Try to do this:

• Don't attend events just to make friends. Go there for a fun time;
• be yourself, be friendly;
• take a step forward. Show interest in other people, invite a new friend for coffee.

People love attention, so don't be afraid to be active and want to make acquaintances. Perhaps this will be the start of a good friendship.

November 9, 2015

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Olga Tsybakina I am looking for answers to questions on how to make my life better with the help of simple and effective tools. I am interested in practical psychology. I believe that everything is much simpler than it seems. Author of the blog https://balanceinlife.ru.

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It entered my life without even knocking, like that guest who is worse than a Tatar. Loneliness. I didn’t even understand how I could let this happen. All my life I was a sociable and active person, I played sports professionally, had a bunch of friends and acquaintances in different cities of Russia, and in the summer I went to country sports camps for children, where there were athletes involved in various sports. School, college—events were constantly happening around me, and what’s more, I was at the center of them. Having changed several jobs, I made friends, acquaintances and acquaintances everywhere.

She developed her business, went on her own to meet suppliers and buyers. In general, “Running Man” was about me. And I loved it, I was just a fan of the fact that my day was scheduled literally minute by minute, and that on Friday I could hardly remember what I did on Monday.

The first bells rang unnoticed as always. Now, after the passage of time, I can say when it all began. And then I just didn’t pay attention. The business went bankrupt, and along with it, the people associated with it disappeared. I had to change my field of activity, and people who, due to my usefulness to them, maintained relationships with me, disappeared. My closest friend betrayed me, and I simply physically could not appear in the company of mutual friends, and then my acquaintances disappeared from the horizon. All this did not happen at once, but gradually, over the course of a year. While dialing a phone number, I began to hear more and more often: “Sorry, I’m busy,” “Sorry, I can’t talk right now.”

I, like that drowning man, grabbed every opportunity to just talk with people, but I constantly heard that they had no time for me, they were busy.

That's how it came into my life.

Loneliness is such a strange and at the same time everyday human condition in existing realities. It does not recognize the time of day, season, countries and continents. Does not pay attention to the presence or absence of people nearby. Even being married and having a child, I felt lonely.

It was perceived as a diet. Only a diet imposed by someone. After all, as a rule, people stick to a diet voluntarily, knowing that they are doing this in order to have a good appearance, a flat stomach, toned skin, a healthy complexion and other bonuses. They know that by making a sacrifice and giving up delicious food, they will get results.

I was on a forced diet, when you don’t see any results, and you don’t even understand what they could be. Maybe, I wondered, after a while it will be obvious that before, before the period of loneliness, I consumed fast food, and after that life will present delicacies?

Loneliness came suddenly, I didn’t know what to do with it. I had no experience of getting out of such situations; I always thought it was some kind of prank.

The main feelings during that period were melancholy, emptiness, hopelessness, a feeling of abandonment, a feeling that I had been betrayed, hopelessness, and a general state of moral “failure.”

My familiar world with all its connections collapsed, and it seemed that what awaited me in the future was not life, but existence. I felt like a person behind glass, a person who has nothing but himself and some reflexes and needs, I felt like an outcast.

I caught myself that my past life, achievements, successes, skills, knowledge and abilities have become worthless in my own eyes. I began to delve into myself, trying to find out the reasons for the current loneliness, I remembered some incorrect interpretations of events, misinterpreted information that led to the deterioration of relationships with people, my wrong reactions, perhaps unspoken words or erroneous actions. One way or another, the process of soul-searching plunged me even deeper into the abyss of loneliness.

At the same time, I understood that only I could help myself.

Then I acted more intuitively, although I tried to look for information on how not to suffer from loneliness. The only information I came across was about neuro-linguistic programming and positive thinking techniques.

Now I can, with a “cool head,” formulate the steps I took to pull myself out of this state.

1. I believed that this was temporary! It was very difficult. It seemed to me that my loneliness would never end, but it had to be done. The skeptic inside me kept repeating that I was too optimistic about things, but I simply repeated as usual that everything would pass.

2. I thought that since loneliness found me, it means I was looking for it too! Well, since I was looking for it, it was given to me in order to rethink my life and understand what was wrong. You just need to live through this stage - this means not resisting, not blocking, not convincing yourself that everything is fine, not hiding from the world behind glasses.

3. I asked myself, what is my loneliness about? Who am I offended by? Who's crying deep inside? Who is my anger directed at? Who am I annoyed with? Who brought me to a state of loneliness? What does he want? What do I agree with? What do I disagree with? What am I afraid of? Why do I feel bad alone with myself? How am I hurting myself? What am I doing that I don't want to do? What am I not doing that I should be doing? Why am I not developing? I took a piece of paper and a pen, wrote these questions at the top of the page, and just let it all pour out onto the paper. She described everything in detail, all my unfulfilled dreams, fears, doubts, all the pain, sorted it out, lived it again, felt it. And then she tore this sheet into small pieces and flushed them down the toilet.

4. I allowed myself to hit rock bottom! Not hiding from suffering and not trying to artificially embellish the situation, but living it to the fullest. Wow, how I suffered - with full force, drama, I felt sorry for myself and viewed every situation as the end of the world. The goal is to reach the apogee of suffering in order to one day understand that you are tired of this game, that it all seems fictitious and ineffective. This was the beginning of the way out of loneliness.

5. I said “No!” all kinds of positive techniques . I tried it. This does not work! I was in no condition to do NLP, and deep down I didn’t believe that everything was great and fun. My whole body was saying the opposite. So I didn’t bother fooling myself.

6. I chose one area of ​​activity and started moving it. Literally. I have always been interested in psychology, namely psychological practices. I have always been interested in the questions “How?” How to make your life better, how to get rid of complexes, how to apply certain knowledge about a person, and so on. I thought for a long time about how I could realize myself in the field that interests me. And I came up with an idea. I created a website and began to invest my energy into it. After all, energy comes first, then people, events, things appear. It's like a request, like a mirror.

7. I stopped being afraid of kickbacks. This is fine. It passes. There were bursts of depressive mood, loss of strength and tearfulness. It seemed that nothing was happening in life, and everything remained the same. This is not true. When we change external circumstances, the world changes along with you.

8. I removed the romance. This means stopping hoping for a kind wizard who will come, pat you on the head, and say that everything will be fine. No one will come and pet you. Nobody cares about you, except maybe those closest to you. I realized that this was my task, which I would have to cope with alone. Through force, through “I don’t want”, through apathy and the desire for death. I began to look for alternatives, only internal ones. She took out the dusty “inner core” from the shelf and placed it in its rightful place.

9. I am learning not to suffer in principle . That is, I allow myself to be happy, despite my loneliness. I allow myself not to judge myself for my loneliness, I made friends with my inner child. After all, a child does not judge himself for being who he is. He just lives and rejoices. I give him what he wants.

10. I’m learning not to expect anything from anyone! I’m trying to forget about the words “should” and “they owe me.” I’m learning not to pretend to myself and to understand that no one is obliged to show me a good attitude, support me, console me, sit next to me, holding my hand. You just need to not expect anything special from anyone, but to help from the heart where you want and will not leave me out.

For me, loneliness turned out to be something like a discount ad that attracts attention, entices with promise, and can even be useful. Living this way forced me to give up my omnivorousness - towards people, events and emotions. After all, this omnivorousness also comes from lack, from “if only someone was around.”

That period of desperate loneliness became a cleansing enema for me - not the most hygienic procedure, but necessary and very useful. An enema flushes out toxins from the body, and loneliness flushes out all unnecessary people, giving hope for a better life.

I cannot say that now everything has been restored to its previous level, that I am surrounded by a crowd of friends and acquaintances, that life is boiling and seething around me, as before.

BUT! I stopped suffering from this condition, and I’m even glad that this period was and still is in my life. This gave me the opportunity to HEAR MYSELF! Because the call of my “I” was drowned in the bustle of days, affairs, and worries. He was constantly drowned out by the voices of my emotions, feelings, sensations.

I didn't hear myself!

Now I hear it.

Self-development #Psychology 

How to fight loneliness: take care of yourself

Conflict at work, a quarrel with a loved one leads to the fact that many become isolated and engage in self-flagellation. You can't do that. Situations are different, try to look at what is happening from a different angle. Maybe everything is for the better? Either way, you will learn a good lesson.

Does loneliness haunt you? What to do? The following recommendations will help:

• listen to yourself and understand what you need;
• take a bath, drink a glass of wine, relax;
• take a walk in the park, go to your favorite cafe.

Take care of yourself and feel how your morale improves, the burden of problems is lifted, and you are again ready to communicate with people.

Signs of a Lonely Person

Lonely people can be noticed in a crowd, despite the fact that their loneliness takes on other forms. Lonely people:

• do not like sociable and happy people;
• overly focused on themselves, interrupting, changing the conversation;
• gloomy;
• anxious;
• unresponsive or, conversely, overly attentive to others;
• sometimes overly critical and straightforward;
• aggressive;
• get irritated by little things;
• conflictual or, on the contrary, overly compliant;
• suspicious;
• do not express their opinion;
• hypocritical;
• do not always control their behavior;
• exert psychological pressure on others;
• feel discomfort in companies;
• cannot have fun (sometimes under the influence of alcohol);
• experience difficulties in situations where they need to make an agreement, make a call, or resolve an important personal or business issue;
• feel unwanted, incompetent, unloved;
• self-critical;
• prone to self-flagellation.

Thus, a lonely person is either too friendly to be rejected, or too rude to be rejected again. Sometimes mixed behavior occurs. That is, a person does not have standard models of interaction with people. Depending on the type of loneliness, it results in aggression or depression. One way or another, a lonely person is not happy.

Call old friends

Communication: Pixabay
Rest assured that people who liked to communicate in the past will still not mind meeting today. We often lose touch when we get caught up in work. Call old acquaintances and friends, offer to sit in a cafe. To ensure successful communication, follow these tips:

• be nice, be interested in the other person;
• be positive and radiate optimism.

It all depends only on your thoughts and mood. Be sure that everything is fine, communicate easily, and then there will really be no reason to feel sad.

Now you know what to do if you feel lonely. Use the recommendations to get a taste of life again.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1875358-kak-spravitsa-s-odinocestvom-effektivnye-sovety/

When we constantly feel lonely and unwanted, we are at risk of serious illnesses:

• Feelings of loneliness are a leading cause of depression, anxiety and alcoholism, as well as an increased risk of suicide.
• Feeling lonely increases levels of stress hormones and blood pressure.
• Feelings of loneliness disrupt the regulation of the circulatory system, causing the heart muscle to work harder and damaging blood vessels.
• Unnecessary sleep reduces the quality and efficiency of sleep, making it less restorative both physically and psychologically.
• Loneliness causes people to experience higher levels of perceived stress, even when they are relaxing.
• Being alone and separated can negatively impact learning and memory.

Sometimes our behavior and actions reveal the state of loneliness before we even realize how we feel.