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The psychologist talks about psychological violence, to which we are accustomed to turn a blind eye, although it is precisely this that leads to beatings and cruel treatment.
When they talk about domestic violence, they mean sexual or physical violence - beatings, abuse. This also includes restrictions on basic needs - water, food, safety and medical care.
Before violence moves to the physical level, it necessarily manifests itself on a psychological level. The problem is that many people turn a blind eye to psychological violence and consider it “normal.” Close relatives often observe its manifestations, but believe that this is not enough to break off the relationship.
Signs of psychological abuse are as follows:
- insults, rude words
- criticism - “you will never succeed, you can’t cope with anything”
- restrictions on self-realization, prohibitions
- regular manifestations of jealousy
- humiliation - “you will go in this dress, let everyone see how cheap you are”
- control - requiring a report on actions, monitoring social networks
- pressure through blackmail and threats - “if you don’t do as I said, I’ll take the child,” “if you don’t listen, everyone will know what kind of wife you are”
- punishments - “I’m yelling because you deserve it”, “you won’t go on vacation, you don’t deserve it”
Psychological violence differs from quarrels in the regularity and presence of power in one of the partners:
- material (the victim will be left without finances, livelihood, housing)
- physical (threat of beatings, rape)
- or mental (threat of losing a child, loss of a relationship with a loved one)
Below I will analyze in detail the first alarm bells. Pay attention to them at the beginning of a relationship to avoid falling into the trap of domestic violence.
Signs of a domestic male tyrant
- Verbal aggression - expressed in rude statements, insults towards the spouse in public and in private.
- Contempt is disrespect for the actions, words, opinions of the other half at any convenient opportunity.
- Arrogance.
- Constant criticism - can manifest itself in dissatisfaction with the other half’s hobbies, work, or way of running the household.
- Intimidation is a form of blackmail based on the spouse's pain points.
- Unreasonable jealousy, neglect, manipulation of feelings.
- Exposure to danger is the deliberate creation of circumstances that threaten harm to health and life.
- Prohibitions.
- Groundless accusations of personal problems and failures.
A tyrant husband tries to control his wife and make all decisions alone. This affects literally all areas of family life; the spouse is practically unable to do anything without the permission of the spouse.
Causes
Psychologists have proven that the likelihood of psychological violence on the part of a man is determined not by character traits or temperament, but by mental properties.
If such a condition appears once, one cannot talk about its complete exclusion from the relationship between spouses under the influence of the work of a specialist or a person’s self-analysis.
The main causes of psychological violence against women are:
- in the family where the child grew up, there was a negative example of the father in relation to the mother;
- pressure was applied to the man as a child and had a non-constructive effect on the psyche;
- adherence to a point of view that assumes the position of a representative of the stronger sex as the unquestioning owner of the house who does not make concessions to other family members;
- the man is sure that the woman is satisfied with the role of the victim, she is ready to endure humiliating treatment;
- desire to dominate and dominate the family;
- depression and stress caused by everyday and financial problems;
- presence of mental illness.
A man is not always to blame for psychological violence; a woman’s behavior can provoke such a state when she allows the manifestation of a negative impact.
HOW TO BEHAVIOR
If you recognize your partner in this description, most experts will most likely congratulate you on this (because recognizing abuse is very difficult) and suggest you run without looking back. Alas, this is not always easy to do, especially if you have children or are completely dependent on your partner financially (and he most likely took care of this).
However, there are several steps that can be taken regardless of the situation:
- Talk to family and friends.
If you feel uncomfortable discussing this topic with your loved ones, seek professional support - for example, a free psychological help service. - Create a supportive environment around yourself
: this will help you stop feeling lonely and figure out what to do next. - Don't blame yourself.
Most likely, the abuser makes you feel as if everything is your fault. This is wrong. And absolutely anyone could be in your place. - Don't try to change your partner.
When we are in love, we try to close our eyes to the shortcomings of the other or naively believe that he will change. Alas, this will not happen, and any attempt will bring you new pain. - Gather all your strength and leave.
Even if you realize that you have been a victim of emotional abuse, leaving a toxic relationship is incredibly difficult. But you must understand that it will only get worse. Sooner or later, the partner may begin to give up. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now, it’s important to remember that breaking up with an abuser is the path to freedom.
Give yourself time to recover from trauma, heal wounds, and find yourself again. The same safe and supportive environment will help you along this path: friends, family, psychologists, support groups. You are not alone, and you will definitely succeed.
