The first and all the rest: how a session with a psychologist goes

Why you shouldn't be afraid

It's normal to be afraid. Fear is an important psychological mechanism that protects us from danger. He mobilizes resources in a threat situation - “fight or flight”. It’s not for nothing that they say that you can live without fear, but not for long. Evolutionarily, it was given to humans for survival.

Another thing is when fear causes restrictive behavior. For example, a person is afraid to fly and refuses travel, work and relationships that involve flying. Or he puts off going to a psychologist because “only crazy people come to him,” “everyone will know about my problems,” or “this is just a simple money grab.”

Such fears, as a rule, disappear when the client learns that the psychologist complies with three important conditions - safety, confidentiality, and scientificity. This means that the consultant will not tell anyone anything, even if he is “tortured” by your close relatives. Confidentiality is a law enshrined in the international standard of psychological care.

As for the scientific or evidence-based approach, you need to know that a psychologist’s session excludes occult practices. A psychologist relies on science, that is, knowledge, and works within the framework of professional ethics, while psychics, fortune tellers and astrologers use the client’s faith and the effect of the “impression of a miracle” as a fulcrum.

A psychologist explains how you can protect yourself from emotional burnout:

• Pay attention to your body. Massage, relaxation, shopping and the like.
• Leave work problems at work.
• Every day, turn off all means of communication, computer, music, movies for a few minutes. At this time, practice conscious breathing, observe how we breathe, so that the body has time to recharge.
• Sleep. Healthy sleep is the best way to restore strength.
• To get rid of insomnia, you can brew a soothing tea with lemon balm, valerian, motherwort or mint.

What does a psychologist do?

The question may arise: “So there won’t be a miracle?” The answer to this depends on what exactly the client understands by a miracle. If you expect to change your life after the initial consultation - get rich, get married, conquer Everest - this will not happen. If he hopes to get advice on how to live, he learns that psychologists do not write “prescriptions.”

So what does a psychologist do? He is a guide to your own inner world. The unpleasant news is that you both go there, that is, not only the psychologist works. You explore your psyche together. You can do this yourself, but you will have to spend years to get results. Or not get it.

A psychologist knows the shortest path from awareness of a problem to a solution. His task is to guide you along this path, but not to walk it for you. When visiting a psychologist, you will have to invest money, time and, most importantly, your own efforts. And the psychologist will give you direction, provide support, provide support and set the right pace.

Specialist education

Before making an appointment with a psychotherapist, the education of the future doctor is taken into account. Studying even at the most reputable higher educational institution is not enough, so it is important to pay attention to the doctor’s activity after receiving a diploma: participation in seminars and courses, consulting experience (from three years), recommendation from a senior colleague, practice of intervision and supervision. The experience of your own therapy is equally important.

How to prepare for a meeting with a psychologist

There is a joke in the psychological community: “It doesn’t matter who your therapist is, it’s how you treat him that matters.” You need to understand it in the following way: a psychologist exists so that you can “be treated for him,” that is, use the consultant for your own, so to speak, selfish purposes. The psychologist in this story is a tool for achieving goals. And this means that you need to tune in to receive, and not wait for them to give.

In this regard, you need to prepare for a meeting with a psychologist - both for the first session and for subsequent ones. Let's say right away that nothing supernatural is required for this. Preparation is aimed at simple setup:

• think about what doesn’t suit you;
• realize what you want to get.

To avoid worrying about what to say when you see a therapist, think about it in advance. Write down in a notebook why you decided to see a psychologist or, in professional terms, formulate a request. We are, of course, talking about the primary request. During the course of therapy, it may change, and the focus of attention may shift to what is really important.

That is why there is no need to worry or try to formulate what “hurts” with academic precision. The therapist will “guess” about the problem during the initial consultation. It’s good if you can say right from the start, “I have a problem, I want to solve it.” But you have every right to say: “I don’t know what the problem is, but I want to talk.” And some clients come with the request: “I don’t want to undergo therapy, but I want to work on it.”

Don't be surprised if therapy turns your ideas about yourself and the world around you upside down - it brings to light something you didn't even suspect. This kind of insight is usually accompanied by a flurry of emotions. This means, in addition to a notepad and pen, prepare a glass of water and handkerchiefs.

When should you make an appointment to see a psychotherapist?

A psychotherapist deals with diseases associated with nerves and mental dysfunction of a particular type. Any adult is exposed to stress, so there are some conditions that require going to the doctor. Such conditions are generally considered to include the following:

• lethargy,
• disinterest in life,
• complete indifference to people and circumstances,
• dependence on alcohol and other substances that allow you to achieve another state,
• hysterics,
• panic attacks,
• irritability,
• excitement,
• depression.

How does a psychotherapy session work?

The first session is somewhat similar to a date. But there is a huge difference between a date and a session - during a consultation you can relax and be yourself. The answer to the question of how to behave with a psychologist can be formulated briefly - be natural. A psychologist is the person with whom you can be angry and offended with impunity if you want. Just be yourself and express yourself in a way that is comfortable for you. A psychologist's session is a place where you can be, and not seem.

And yet, do not rush to bring down your entire inner world on the consultant. The initial consultation is an introduction. Two people meet to establish a therapeutic rapport and gather information about each other. They start a casual conversation to relax, find common ground, find out the reasons for the meeting and outline the course of further work. This is a dialogue during which you “try on” the consultant, and the specialist studies you.

Our service employs highly qualified specialists with higher education and many years of experience. Convince yourself of this, leave a request on this page and get the first 20 minutes of consultation with a psychologist absolutely free.

Wondering how an appointment with a psychotherapist goes, someone expects a “breakthrough” in the first session. No, rapprochement, insights, breakthroughs - all this comes later. Any relationship, including a therapeutic one, requires effort and time. They develop, communication becomes more confidential, and its results become more and more impressive. If, of course, the client fulfills the terms of the therapeutic contract:

• maintains the frequency of meetings - 1-2 sessions per week;
• completes “homework” assigned by the psychologist;
• consciously engages in joint work with the consultant.

The word “mindfulness” is not a buzzword. There is an important note about this. It also applies to how to start a conversation with a psychologist and extends to the entire therapy. Realize that you need the result. This means that remaining silent, ignoring, and denying is not the best way to achieve success. The life of a psychologist will not be destroyed because the client creates all sorts of obstacles. But it is in the client’s interests to cooperate and not interfere.

Reviews about the first appointment

What do clients say in their reviews about their first appointment with a psychotherapist? How is the consultation carried out and how do patients feel?

Many admit that they sought help due to procrastination, low self-esteem and problems with social adaptation. From the first consultation you can already see the high qualifications of the specialist. This may be indicated by his responsibility, sincere involvement in the conversation, and so on.

Many also admit that their first experience of consulting with a psychotherapist was negative. The specialist showed himself to be an unqualified amateur. People advise paying attention to the situation in the office - is there dirt or unnecessary objects on the table, is the room cozy or dark and untidy? No matter how disastrous your first visit to a specialist may be, do not despair! Many people recommend not giving up and looking for the specialist who is right for you. The same applies to the treatment method. If the prescribed therapy does not help, then you need to change the doctor. In addition, in their reviews, people recommend preparing for long-term treatment (several months) and not expecting quick results.

Reviews about the psychotherapist’s appointments are very different: it all depends on the individual characteristics of the doctor and the client and various circumstances. But in general, people recommend starting therapy and treatment, and for this you need to find a good specialist.

Priorities for initial consultation

There are many approaches to psychotherapy - Gestalt therapy, bodily, behavioral, family, psychoanalysis. The methods are different, but the initial consultation is usually the same. To be precise, its algorithm is similar. The first session is a meeting of two strangers with the goal of shedding light on the problem and strengthening hope for getting rid of it.

Three key tasks:

• interpersonal – establish trusting contact;
• diagnostic – formulate a hypothesis about the problem;
• therapeutic – to outline ways and methods of solving the problem.

What can you expect? Perhaps you will feel better and you will no longer consider your situation hopeless. Perhaps there will be a willingness to take some action or you will understand yourself better. However, 20 minutes, which is how long the first free session lasts, is too little to change your life.

Be active, attentive and responsive. Be prepared to engage in dialogue initiated by the psychologist. For example, here are the questions a psychologist can ask a patient at the first meeting: “What did you come with?”, “What problem is bothering you?”, “How can I help you?” These can be clarifying questions (“Did I understand correctly?”) or questions about feelings (“How do you feel about this?”).

Answer it like it is. And ask counter questions – organizational ones, about the consultant’s education, about the methods used. By the way, often the client’s question “how to get rid of it” is key in the first session - it is he who determines the request and tactics for further work. If you want to get rid of something, let me know.

Burnout of an oncologist and “trying on” symptoms

The task of an oncology psychologist is not only to support patients and their families, to protect oncologists from burnout, but also to maintain oneself in a resourceful state. Ilmira Khusainova is sure that this skill also depends on the level of professionalism of the psychologist.

“For example, I don’t bring everything to the family; I’m also a mother of many children. Imagine what would happen if I talked to 10 patients in a day, and some of them had family difficulties, someone was abandoned, or difficulties at work? I often say that oncology is not about death, but about life, the patient comes to us with baggage, which we also discuss,” says the psychologist.

Despite the emotional overtones present, feedback from patients becomes a healing force for a psychologist.

“I never perceive patients as people with serious illnesses; for me, they are people in a difficult life situation. When you see the result of your work, when you sit by a patient’s bed and hold his hand, talk about his everyday life, and then letters come from patients for listening to them, this helps, among other things, to be in a resourceful state. But, of course, we all have our own psychologists or supervisors so that we can take preventive measures,” clarifies Ilmira Khusainova.

Oncology psychologists conduct intervisions - make rounds with doctors, and then discuss work tactics. But supervisions also take place separately, when psychologists work with their colleagues. Ilmira Khusainova gives the following example: a psychologist can work in the abdominal department, and then experience pain and cramping in the abdomen. This is just one of the cases when a psychologist needs advice from his own colleague.

What can you talk about with a psychologist?

In short - about everything. You can say anything and ask any questions too. However, it is not a fact that your request will be granted. In particular, no professional will say “do this” to the client’s question “what should I do?” What to do is always your choice and your decision.

There are several general rules on how to talk to a psychologist:

• answer questions as frankly as possible;
• do not answer questions if there is resistance;
• say everything that comes to mind during therapy;
• inform the psychologist about what seems unpleasant;
• express your emotions - be happy, angry, offended;
• don’t be shy to ask for help or state “I want...”.

As practice shows, many clients are not concerned about what questions they can ask a psychologist or how to communicate with him, but about how natural they can be in therapy. Cooperating with a psychologist does not mean being “good”. It is possible and necessary to express aggression if necessary. Nothing bad will happen either to the psychologist or to you, but suppressing feelings is fraught.

Remember, the most environmentally friendly way to express anger and other negative emotions is through speech. Moreover, speech is the only tool for demonstrating them in therapy.

The day when you tell the psychologist “Your words piss me off” is not “fatal” for the consultant. This is a signal that, at a minimum, emphasizes that a therapeutic contact based on intimacy has occurred. It also indicates that the client is mature enough to allow himself to be himself.

Think not about how to communicate with a psychologist, but how to use yourself and the psychologist. For this, the desire to get results is enough. There is a desire - there will be a result. It doesn't matter what or how you say. What is more important is the intention to do something about what you want to say.

What methods does the doctor use to treat?

If you are wondering what a psychotherapist treats , then the method of treatment is as follows. First he communicates with the patient. This method has a strong effect on the consciousness and subconscious of the patient. Treatment by such a specialist is performed voluntarily, and the patient can choose the type of treatment:

• communication,
• hypnosis,
• encoding,
• psychoanalysis,
• bioenergy therapy.

The main goals of psychotherapy are understanding, eliminating stressful situations, emotional release and coincidence with oneself.

Three tips for working effectively with a psychologist

Don't be afraid to change.

An initial consultation is not an obligation to spend your entire life with a specific psychologist. If you feel the feeling “he had a free session, it’s inconvenient to refuse now,” this is wrong. If something goes wrong, tell the psychologist and contact our support service. We will select another consultant for a free session. You can stop at any time if you feel that you don’t trust, things haven’t worked out, there’s no improvement.

Don't wait for advice

It would, of course, be nice to receive instructions on how to live correctly. But, unfortunately, a world where people live according to universal rules exists only on the pages of dystopias. Yes, you will be “tormented” with questions. Yes, they will try to find out what you want. Yes, they will force you to find answers to your own questions. And if something different happens during the session - for example, a psychologist recommends that you get a divorce and go to India to look for yourself - you probably need to change the psychologist.

Keep records

The therapeutic session lasts on average 50 minutes and takes place once a week. To consolidate its results, keep short notes during the session or after it - what you understood, what you felt, what you experienced. During the week, continue to do this useful activity - reflect on paper or electronic media. And then you won’t have to start all over again every time.

Psychotherapist, psychologist or psychiatrist

It is important to know the difference between seeing a psychotherapist and consulting a psychologist or psychiatrist, and who to contact in a specific situation.

A psychologist is a specialist in psychology. He does not have the right to diagnose and prescribe medications. She mainly works with people without mental disorders, but with all sorts of psychological problems (for example, in the field of social adaptation, relationships or career). These specialists can conduct various tests and trainings, give recommendations, and develop theories. Most often, psychologists apply knowledge in pedagogy, personnel management or marketing.

A psychiatrist is a doctor whose task is to diagnose, treat, and also deal with the prevention of mental illnesses: depression, bipolar disorder, phobias, schizophrenia, epilepsy, neurosis and others. Specialists in this profile prescribe medications and psychotherapy to patients (not always).

A psychotherapist is a psychiatrist who has chosen to work with simple mental disorders: addictions, depression, phobias, and borderline states. Treatment methods include words, hypnosis, gestalt, and various techniques. But in the Russian Federation, a psychologist who has received special education can also be a psychotherapist.

How much does it cost and how long does it last?

A good specialist can be found for any money. On our service, the average price for a consultation is 1,500 rubles, and services are provided by specialists with higher psychological education and at least 3 years of experience.

Some will find it too little, while others will say it’s too expensive. In any case, we are responsible for the quality of the services we provide and monitor the reputation of the service. The first consultation is free for everyone and lasts 20 minutes.

You can tell approximately how long a session with a psychologist who will contact you lasts, using a standard of 45-50 minutes. But each specialist independently determines the price of services and the duration of the consultation. Questions about this can be asked at the first session.

Therapy is a journey, and some might think that it is a lifelong journey. Perhaps every psychologist dreams of having at least a couple of clients enter into such an open-ended contract with him. But still, the goal of therapy is to create a person who can solve problems independently. This problem can be realistically solved within the framework of short-term (10-15 sessions) therapy.

Psychotherapy is a relationship. There are many layers in them - what the psychologist asks, how the client answers, what he feels, how he understands, how he reveals himself. This is what makes up the fabric of the therapeutic conversation and the essence of the therapeutic contact. Be careful. Don't be afraid to discuss. Ask for an explanation. And most importantly, allow yourself to change. After all, the effectiveness of therapy largely depends on how determined you are in your desire to change your life.

Specializations in Psychology

There are several specializations in which a psychologist with a diploma can work.

Clinical psychologist

It also works with a person's personality, supporting and restoring his mental health. The features of his work will be determined by the needs of the clinic: neurological, psychiatric or somatic. A clinical psychologist, in addition to his main activities, conducts psychological examinations in the judicial, educational, labor and military sectors.

Child psychologist

A child psychologist conducts conversations not only with children, but also with their parents. Consultation with this specialist is mandatory if the child is diagnosed with:

• autism;
• enuresis;
• encopresis;
• hyperactivity;
• impaired mental function;
• attention deficit disorder.

A child psychology consultant will help you cope with the habit of thumb sucking, nail biting, and teeth grinding. The child gets rid of the fear of strangers, dogs, and the dark.

Psychologist-educator

The task of a teacher with a psychological background is to improve learning conditions so that they correspond to the abilities and needs of students. It identifies the causes of school failure and helps to overcome this obstacle.

School psychologist

The task of a school psychologist is to develop the child’s individual characteristics, teach him to plan, set achievable goals, and facilitate his adaptation in society both with peers and with adults. He should help you decide on career guidance. Such a specialist at the school can promptly notice changes occurring in the child and recommend that parents contact a psychoneurologist, neurologist, developmental physiologist or child psychiatrist.

Psychologist in kindergarten

At the beginning of the year, a teacher-psychologist observes the behavior of admitted children and how they express themselves emotionally throughout the day. It is most difficult for children aged 10 months to 2 years to adapt to new conditions. At this age they are not yet capable of restructuring. After 2 years of age, it is easier for children to adapt to a new environment, although such a process is individual and depends on the characteristics of the child’s nervous system.

In what other situations is it necessary to consult a psychotherapist?

Depression : Depression is common throughout the world, with experts estimating that more than 300 million people suffer from it. Depression is different from normal, daily changes in a person's mood in response to changing life conditions. Depression can develop as a result of experiencing or living through any difficult, traumatic, unfavorable event for a given person: loss of a job, dismissal from work, bereavement, psychological trauma. Depression can become a serious health problem when it becomes moderate to severe. It is depression that can lead to suffering in a person’s life, deterioration of relationships in the family and at work. Sometimes, in a family circle, it may look like a person suddenly becomes lazy and does not want to fulfill his home and professional responsibilities.

There are situations in life when we understand that nothing can be changed. It is necessary to “accept” one’s life situation and move on, but a person cannot find the strength and resource. These are situations when we experience grief, loss, loss. In modern society, where it is customary to focus more and more on success and achievements, a person experiencing grief is left alone with his situation. It is in these situations that the psychotherapist becomes a support, support, mentor. Allows you to go through all stages of acceptance, grief and find the resource to live on.

The following situations that I will offer for consideration are when a person is afraid of certain situations, of being in certain places, in other words, is filled with obsessive thoughts that bring fear and anxiety. With a specialist psychotherapist, it is possible to find these thoughts, or find the cause of fears and anxiety, work through and understand. It is useless to fight these obsessive thoughts and fears “symptomatically”; it is necessary to find the root of the problem.

Not long ago, I worked on a project with families raising disabled children, children with cerebral palsy, as well as families in which one of the spouses is disabled for one reason or another: he cannot move and cannot take care of himself independently. In these families, I heard the following phrases: “I’m emotionally burnt out,” “I can’t support anyone else anymore,” “nothing makes me happy,” “I forgot what it’s like to laugh.” Helping to serve another, satisfying the needs, caring, supporting another, a person forgets about himself and his needs. In this case, you should not postpone meetings with a psychotherapist. At these meetings, you will be able to find new, adaptive patterns of behavior for yourself, find support for yourself, maintain your emotional state, and therefore remain in resource to help your loved one. No matter what situation you find yourself in, always remember that with a psychotherapist you can remain yourself and always be accepted for who you are.

Cost of consultation with a psychotherapist